Tag Archives: predictable

Day 437: Redefining The Word Reliable

Being seen and defined as reliable by others, that is something that is very important to me. In some regards, it has supported me to be cautious and precise with my impression on others, in other aspects, it has limited me, and the limitations I have created have most of the times been connected to the fear/anxiety I experience in relation to not being seen as reliable to others. Thus, in this blog I am going to look deeper at, and redefine the word reliable, and make it a practical word that I can live for and as myself.

How I live the word currently

Currently what being reliable means to me is that I am true to my word. When I say I am going to do something, I do it – if I share a bit of information – I make sure it is correct – I make sure that what I say I can do, I am also able to do. Being reliable is also much about how others experience me. If I do something that could potentially be seen as bad, or if I see that another reacts towards me, in the sense of distrusting me, then I feel start to feel/experience myself as a unreliable person, and this is oftentimes connected to self-judgment, where I condemn myself harshly for being unreliable.

Dictionary definition

adjective
consistently good in quality or performance; able to be trusted: a reliable source of information.

noun (usu. reliables)
a reliable person or thing: the supporting cast includes old reliables like Mitchell.

Sounding the word

Rely-able
Real-able
Real-I-Able
Really-Able

Creative writing

I like the sound, Real-I-Able. Drawing from the sound of the word, what I can see as definition and meaning of reliable, is that of standing firm and grounded within self when facing the world, hence being consistent, constant, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is being reliable. It is possible to fake being reliable if its only about how others sees me. Real reliability however, is about standing and being stable regardless of what comes up within me. It is the ability to apply self-forgiveness upon and the direct the patterns emerging within me without hesitation, directing it immediately, and return to the stability and constancy of breath/here – and doing that consistently – that is what makes the difference.

Reliable, it is not about others, it is about me making a decision about who I am, and sticking to it – and sticking to it over and over again each and every time that the pattern arise. When being reliable becomes about others, then I miss what reliability is all about – that it is about my stability and stand within and as myself – me being REAL and not accepting and allowing emotions or feelings draw up a cloud of dust within me, and cloud my vision.

Redefinition

Consistently living with stability and common sense

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being reliable from the outside, wanting this to be confirmed by others, instead of me standing as reliable for and as myself, where the definition of being reliable, is that I stand within and as my human physical body, that I push and will myself to act according to what is physical, and that I push myself to forgive and let go of emotions and feelings when these emerge within me in some way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at reliability as something that I am given by others, something that I receive through being deserving and acting in a way that others see as being reliable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget, and miss out on what it means to be reliable for real, where reliable would be to be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – that I push and will myself to be stable and directive – and that I do not accept and allow myself to jump into the emotion/feeling wagon to be dragged and moved somewhere that is NOT my intention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another judging me as unreliable, because I believe that this will actually make me unreliable – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that being unreliable or not, is not about what others think of me, it is about WHO I AM, it is about me standing with the physical, and acting according to what is mathematically best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be confirmed by another as reliable, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that in a way, this is me trying to escape from, and find a shortcut to real reliability, where I want others to give me this definition, instead of me developing, enhancing and pushing myself to confirm and define myself as reliability, doing it for myself, and seeing that I am in-fact reliable in who I am and in what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make my definition of reliable something that is personal to me, something that I am able to have control and direction over, and something that is meaningful to me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to have another see/define me as reliable, I stop myself, take a breath, and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that wanting another to see, define and view me as reliable is limiting me from actually developing reliability as an expression for and as myself – and thus I commit myself to focus on myself and my expansion/creation/living of reliability – where I focus on creating myself as this word through each time I react, become emotional, or charged with feelings, that I bring myself back here to my body, that I forgive, let go, and create a solution for myself


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Day 369: Self-Forgiveness On Fear Of Living A Boring Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming but a statist, a prop, someone that is uninteresting, and uninspiring, someone that leads a boring and predictable life, that has submitted to a life of survival – and fear that people will judge me as boring, and that when I die, I will feel that I did not do enough with my life, that I did not challenge sufficiently, that I did not push myself sufficiently to walk my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up within and as a fear of losing my time to walk process, to fear that I am missing something, that I am failing at something, that there is a unknown variable in my life, of which I am not yet aware, that is slowly but surely moving to a close, and that I will not be able to see this aspect of my life until its to late, and then I will regret myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret myself, that I will look back in my life and think: ‘Shit, why did I not do X or Z instead’ – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on something that I am not sure on what it is – or how I should correct it – or if there even is something for me to correct – instead of focusing on my PRACTICAL living HERE in this moment – because in this practical moment I am able to make changes – I am able to direct myself – make concrete movements as to what I am going to do – improve – change – and walk – movements that I see will have an effect – and obviously my time is better spent in this area of my life where I do see what must be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the time in my life to do what I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the space in my life to do what I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the courage, the insight, the seeing, to do what I should be doing, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing, and that this is causing and creating problems for me, that I am not even aware of at this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am doing things towards myself that I am not even aware that I am doing, that I am creating problems and issues for myself, that I am not even aware of, and that I am slowly but surely losing my ground, losing my presence, losing my life vitality, and that I am not even aware of this, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as this constant struggle to remain afloat and in control, to remain directive and in charge, so as to not accept and allow that anything or anyone else takes charge of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will be without purpose and meaning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will be without purpose, meaning and importance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will become irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being locked into a constant state of survival and search for food and water and nutrition – that all of my life will become about finding resources to survive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this is all my life will be and nothing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to give into and lose myself in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to become to engulfed in making sure that I survive in the system that I completely miss out on what is of real importance to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have compromised myself – to fear that I have now settled into a lifestyle that is meaningless – and that I am living my life – doing things – walking a way of living and creating myself – that in essence is meaningless – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a meaningless and insignificant life that others view as nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to draw stability, value and comfort within myself, through making sure that others react to, and find my life interesting, worthwhile, and significant

When and as I see myself going into this fear of losing myself in the system, losing my time, losing my purpose and drive, losing my will to live because all of me is sucked into irrelevant points, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that fearing to lose myself in something, indicates that I do not fully trust myself, that there is a part of me that know it is possible that I can completely go into a particular lifestyle, and then forget all about what is of real importance, hence, the solution to such a mistrust, would be to push myself and my process of self-creation, to even more, make it part of my daily living application – so that it is not something that can be lost – but a stable and always present part of myself – thus I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness within me after each reaction I have – to apply and practice living words as corrections in the moment when and as I notice I go into some form of mind experience – to continuously and with regular intervals write my blog – speak self-forgiveness out loud and continue my participation in the Desteni courses offered – to thus make sure that my process of self-creation is a living thing that I care for and tend to – and that I make a part of myself


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