Tag Archives: prepare

Day 386: Some Points On Structure

A cross-reference that I use to see when I am opening up new words/expressions is urges to buy things. When such desires arise within me, nearly each time, it is because I am living/creating a new word/expression within me, and because I have not myself recognized and taken charge over the process – the mind steps in and channels the expression that is opening up into the mind – which translates into wanting to buy things.

This time a desire has come up to buy camping equipment, such as rain-clothes, backpack and walking shoes. Initially I was confused as to why I suddenly desired these things. However, slowly, I realized that these things represented preparation, scheduling and structure to me. Because when you go for a camping trip in nature – you have to be prepared – all things must be considered and packed – when you are out in the woods it is too late. Thus you have to make sure that you think about everything beforehand.

I have worked a lot with these words, preparation, scheduling and structure – and with taking care of my daughter and learning to practice law – they have become more significant. For example with my daughter. If we are to go for a trip somewhere – I have to make sure to bring all the things that I need to change diapers, to prepare a quick meal and supply shelter if it becomes to cold. I also have to make sure that I initiate/start at the right time, at the scheduled time, because otherwise it will interfere with my daughters sleeping routines and mess things up. It is pretty intricate, and it surely helps me in my process of learning to apply/live these words in my day to day living.

When I was younger I looked at preparation, scheduling and structure as words that limits and contains me. I understood freedom to be the opposite and I thought that in order to be free, I had to be completely flexible, completely open to anything that might happen, ready to change myself and my mind at any moment. This also suited my, at that time, absent minded personality. It was not difficult at all to only have to consider my needs for the moment. It took no effort and it felt good. Obviously, from what I understand now, freedom is not the absence of structure – and that in order to live in this world effectively – I have to take notice of what is in my reality and prepare/plan/structure my living – otherwise I will walk into unnecessary consequences.

Thus, instead of buying these things that represent my expansion when it comes to structure/planning/preparation/scheduling – I am going to define these words for myself more specifically. Firstly – what I am able to see is that expressing myself as these words requires time – I need to slow down and carefully look at the situation at is ahead of me. I need to study and ponder the various choices I have. Secondly, I see that even though it is not necessary, it is supportive for me to write down my structure/plan/preparation/schedule. If I keep it in my mind, it becomes easily lost or distorted. When I put it in writing – I can remember the details and also discover flaws/issues in my planning.

I also see that structure/planning/preparation/scheduling is a form of meta-application. It cannot be bound to any one form of expression – rather these are supportive or necessary skills to have in almost any type of venture. Furthermore – I enjoy the process of planning/preparing. One example is using an hour or two each week to sit down and prepare for what to eat during the week ahead. In order to do it effectively I have to check what kind of food is available, the duration of each recipe, whether my daughter or wife will be able to eat the food, what kind of tools/utensils that I might need – it is challenging. And the reward comes through later – while doing the actual work – because with a plan/structure – everything becomes so much easier.

I will continue to push structure/planning/preparation/scheduling in my life and see how I can expand my expression/standing with regards to these words.


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Day 295: Preparation and Planning – then – Execution

Today at work, I had a moment of epiphany. Now, for some context, in my line of work; precision, detail, thoroughness, and specificity are very important. An entire body of work can in practice be ruined if some small details are missed. That is why, in order to do the work effectively, one requires the abilities and skills of patience, structure, and precision. Without those it is hard to produce quality work.

So, back to the situation at my work. I had been given a task, and I was eager to get it done. And more specifically, I was in a slight rush. In my mind was circulating things like; “better get this thing done now, as I will not have any time tomorrow” – and “I must move and be productive” – so there was a movement within me of wanting to get to the state of execution – and be over and done with this project.

Now, I did execute the task, finished it, and it unfortunately turned out there were some mistakes in my work, which were pointed out to me as it was sent back to me for editing. So, in that moment I looked within me and asked myself how it is that I am creating these moments for myself, where I miss points and err because I have not paid attention, not seemingly been able to identify the mistakes at all. This brought me to the realization that I have a tendency to want to force execution – or force the ACTION stage in the process of creation.

I could see, that in my line of work, and in many other areas of life as well, the act of creation is a two-step process. First step is the planning and preparation phase. This is the phase where the point to be created is researched, the information is gathered, and the execution is planned. Basically the following questions are asked; what is going to be created, how is it going to be created, why is it going to be created, and when is it going to be created? These questions are important to answer, because when entering the phase of execution, if there is no plan, no clear direction on where I am going, it is easy for me to loose my overview, and get lost in the experience of creating.

I could see that what happens to me, and that results in these errs that I tend to make, is that I many times skip, or rush through the phase of planning and preparation, and enter prematurely into the execution phase. And then I will move around in the execution phase, in a state of forcing myself forward, trying to reach a result, leaving a sloppy trail of small errors in my wake – which will then come back to bite me in my ass later, because I have not taken the time to prepare, to execute, and then, also to cross-reference my creation. All in all, the process of creation has been rushed, which creates the consequence of a imperfect result.

I could see from my life that when I had planned and prepared effectively before proceeding into the execution state, most of the time my creations had been satisfying. For example, my most recently bought car, I am very satisfied with this purchase. This is no coincidence, because before the purchase, I put in a lot of time into researching what car would be best for me, that would fit my needs. I took myself the time to ask the questions, what is it that I want? What is it that I require? What is important and what is not? And this resulted in me buying a car that effectively satisfies my needs and requirements.

Then I have examples from when I did not plan or prepare effectively. I recently bought a couple of expensive shoes, with a leather sole. I bought them because I did require shoes to fit with one of my suits, though, I had not investigated the brand of shoes I bought, or the characteristics of leather sole shoes. And I had not really shopped around to see if there was something better out there. After I bought the shoes, which happened impulsively, I realized that these type of shoes are very sensitive to the Scandinavian climate, and can barely be utilized as outdoor shoes. And that is not very good in my situation, because what I require are shoes that can be used both outdoors, and indoors. Hence, I bought a couple of shoes that does not fully suit my needs, and the consequence of this is that I will have to purchase another couple of shoes that do fit my requirements.

Hence, planning and preparation are very important aspects in the process of creation. Without planning and preparation, there is a much greater likelihood that the phase of action will be filled with errors, mistakes and unwanted outflows. What I will practice is thus to walk through the two steps of creation with patience, specificity, and calm – not rush the process of creation – instead walking in the tempo of breath – one breath at a time. And when I am satisfied with my preparation, then I move into action, and fulfill the process of creation.

Day 231: The Art of Doing It

“If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.”

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.”

Bruce Lee

Sometimes there points open up that are obvious, and in my case, it was a movement that arose from within, coming through as a projection – where the projections was a picture of me following through on a project which entails me getting myself out into the system – out into the world – taking action – meeting people – speaking and interacting.

Just-Do-It-NowThe fascinating thing is that I didn’t take that projection into physical manifestation, it remained on a level of thought, a potential, a maybe – and even though I could experience and see – that this was something I wanted to do and that would allow me to grow and expand – I didn’t take it to the point of actual movement – and this is what I want to discuss in this blog today – identifying and forgiving this blockage that hinders me from movement.

In my case I can see this blockage quite clearly – and it’s called fear – and it’s not any fear – it’s fear of failure. This fear of failure leads me to get stuck in the stage of preparation – because one thing is a given – when I continually prepare and never go out there and give the show – I’m certain to never EVER fail. Though I’m also as certain to never do anything challenging and difficult with my life either – thus remaining in the stage of preparation is thus a recipe for mediocrity – and it’s also a form of complacency = complacency being the state where I’m fine and okay with the way things are – even though there is no movement/expansion/growth happening.

Thus – what I can see is that preparation is to a certain extent supportive – though at some point preparation – and getting ready for the future becomes a cave where we hide from stepping out into the unpredictable – and unfortunately that is what my preparation have become – a point of hiding.

Though – the cool thing about seeing this is that I can now begin taking steps to actually create my future and my life instead of preparing for it – so this is what I am now actively going to do – beginning with the small – which entails to see where I’ve postponed certain actions and points of direction – because I’ve been preparing into infinity – and easy as pancake making the decision to step out of preparation-mode – and put myself out there.

The worst thing that can happen is that I fail – and that is a much more enjoyable outcome than complacency and doing nothing at all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in a state of complacency and preparation – where I see what it is that I’d like to do and express – yet instead of taking that point here – and living it in my everyday life – I project outside of myself into a future that I must prepare for – which is a form of self-sabotage and hiding – because obviously I will never get out there and actually do something unless I step into my physical body and move out to get out there and do things – act – live – speak and share myself – and get points moving

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear failure – and in fear of failure hide myself in a state of non-doing – believing that through non-doing I can contain and save myself from the adversities of failure – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m in-fact limiting and containing myself into a state of diminishing – because I’m not accepting and allowing myself to actively put myself out there – to actively go where I haven’t gone before – to actively expand myself – and move myself out of my comfort-zones – because I see, realize and understand that it’s in my challenging and moving myself through my comfort-zones that I will expand – grow – and become a more potent and effective human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contain myself in preparation-mode – trying to save myself from the embarrassment and fear that could come into my body if I failed and didn’t manage to fulfill my ideals of success that I’ve created in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from self-creation – to hide from my potential and what I see myself doing in this world – through preparing – not realizing that in order to get good at something – and order to establishing myself within a certain field and learn new skills – I require to put myself out there and fail several times – and from this perspective failure is the road to greatness – because only through failing can I see what isn’t failure – and thus move myself to create that path for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to create myself and my life – and build myself – and do what it is that I want to do in this life – I require to take a chance and possibly – and that without accepting and allowing myself to take the risk of failure – there won’t be any movement – there won’t be any expansion and growth – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively put myself out there – and create opportunities for challenging myself – growing – and expanding myself – and becoming more potent and established in my physical process as I take action to put myself out there into the world system and create a life for myself that I want to live and be a part of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that at some stage the time of preparation is done – and then I require to move myself out into the system and actually practice physically what I’ve walked in a protected environment of preparation – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not enjoy this process of moving myself out into the world system – of taking action – of creating and building myself – and seeing, realizing and understanding – that as with everything – it all begins with one step forward – one step followed by the other – and thus what will initially feel hard, difficult and challenging – will with time become easy and effortless – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to get out into the world system from within and as this understanding that it might feel difficult and hard now – though through me doing it again and again – I will become better at it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through not taking action on the projections coming up in my mind – that I see are these potentials for self-creation that come up as a nudge within me – to go in that direction – to push that particular point – to walk that aspect of my life into creation – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these nudges/experiences that come up within me – and instead of taking them into practical application – immediately go into and as a state of self-suppression and holding myself back – and containing myself through utilizing the thought that I must prepare myself more before I take the step out into the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s a lot of fun to take the step out into the unknown – and to do things that I’ve not yet done before – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s through putting myself out there and doing what I’ve not done before – that I grow – expand – and develop myself – that it’s through this process that I can become more – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this suppression is in-fact made out of fear – and that it’s a fear I use to protect my mind and my comfort zones to be exactly as they’ve always been – so that I don’t have to change and alter my ways – but that I can instead remain the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to step out of character – I require to do things differently – I require to walk down the path that I’ve haven’t tried – and do the things that I’ve not yet attempted – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live from this starting point of actively challenging myself – actively expanding myself – actively seeing how I can connect and network with others to put myself out there – and open up myself and my life to become more challenging and demanding – and realize that a life that is easy – is not a life that allows for self-expansion – because to expand there must be things to move and direct – learn and understand – there must be a growth where I move beyond what I thought myself to be

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that there is a particular aspect, or dimension, or point in my life that I’d like to pursue, and experience, and walk – and this comes up as a projection or slight movement within me – I commit myself to take that point up in me and honor it through moving myself into action – and not accepting and allowing myself to step back – and hold myself back in a point of suppression and fear – and thus I commit myself to nourish these small seeds of self-expansion that arise from within and take them into practical application – to as such expand myself, my life and my considerations – and go beyond what I think myself to be

When and as I see that I am going into a state of being comfortable with my life, being at ease, and having the feeling that I know everything to the tee, and there is no more challenges, I stop myself – I take breath and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this experience indicates that I’m not pushing myself to get out there – that I am not creating opportunities for myself in my daily life – and not willing myself to expand my sphere of influence – and expand my skillsets and develop myself – and thus I commit myself to challenge myself to walk my life in such a way – that I continuously challenge myself – and move beyond what I thought I was capable of doing – continuously challenging myself to expand and grow – and become more effective – and realizing that this is the only way to live that is truly enjoyable and satisfactory

I commit myself to challenge myself – to move myself beyond my limitations – and I commit myself to make it a daily thing to not stop at what I perceive myself as being capable of – but realize that I can do more – that I can be more – and that it’s me that set the boundaries of my capabilities

Day 34: Working With What Is Real

In the last blog – which you can read HERE – I took a part nervousness from the perspective of seeing what positive experiences I’ve connected to me for example standing in front of my class holding a presentation, or writing my exams – and the reason for this is to remove my idea(L) that I have of myself – as to who I believe/want to be – and instead get down to the nitty gritty of working with how I in-fact experience myself when it is that I stand before many people, or I do my exams.

Thus – today I am going to work my actual physical experience when I do exams, or hold a presentation – and I will also simultaneously walk the point of stopping conflict within me – in seeing that I don’t have to fight the real experience of me because it apparently doesn’t coincide with my idea-experience of myself as how I think I should experience myself – I mean – there is no need to fight what I already exist and live as – instead it’s to understand, and get to know the real me – and then place myself in a position wherein I am able to actually and for real correct myself.

NervousnessBlogSo – how do I really experience myself in these situations? Well – I become physically tense, and go into nervousness – which results in me not being able to effectively deal with the situation. One of the reasons for this is because I don’t know who to be – I don’t know how to look – I don’t know how to present myself – I have no real foundation so to speak. This is though something I’ve already worked with when I’ve prepared myself for my exams – I’ve actually structured a systematic structure as a way which I am to answer questions – and I this was effective to keep me more stable in the moment of writing my exams. For example – in my structure I stated that I must read slowly, and be focused on the words that are written on the question I am given – I must not jump, and stress through the initial stage of reading the question because then I will miss important information; and as I applied this on my exams – I was actually much more stable.

So – establishing a foundation – a MEness – that is important because that is something I currently lack – and I see that this will be done through writing out a structured way as to how to walk the point, who I am within in, and what specifically I am going to do – and then walking this physically.

A second prominent point that comes up is fear of the unknown – because I can’t really prepare myself completely when I am facing an event such as an exam, or a presentation – because there is always that small point of a uncertainty – a probability that something might go wrong, and that I then as this happen – won’t be prepared to deal with the consequences effectively.

Thus – another important point to establish is self-trust – because I see that in standing as self-trust – I will not fear the unknown as I will trust myself to direct myself through the point of the unknown and deal with any situation that might emerge.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, and distrust myself in the face of the unknown – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to read a situation – and understand how a situation might respond to me – and what I must say, or do for the situation to respond to me in a way that I experience as being positive – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t trust myself – and that when I trust myself something will go wrong, and I won’t be able to correct the mistakes that flows from this wrongness

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having information as to what will happen if I say, or do a certain thing – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being blind so to speak, in not being able to calculate the consequences of my actions – and how others will see, and experience me – when it is that I act and live in particular ways – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and perceive that I require information, knowledge, and being able to calculate future consequences in order to be “safe” and trust myself

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trusting myself is something that happens to me when I am able to know what is going to happen in the future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone me trusting myself, and prevent me from trusting myself in thinking and believing that I must have something more – I must get something more – I must achieve something more – and I must wait before someone give me a permission that I am able to trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH – be HERE – and to get myself moving within and as oneness and equality as my human physical body – and stop waiting for someone, or something else to save me before I trust myself here

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I am not yet mature enough to trust myself – and that trusting myself is something that comes, and happens with age – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my fear, and my anxiety – and my worry, and my nervousness – and to see, realize, and understand that self-trust does not develop through waiting – but through me deciding, and willing myself to develop self-trust – through actually living and walking in such a way that I am able to trust that who I am is what is best for all – and that I will not compromise myself and fall prey to experiences, and illusions of and as the mind

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need, and require someone else to tell me that I am ready to trust myself – and that I am ready to go – so to speak – instead of accepting and allowing myself to say to myself that – hey! I am ready when I decide to be ready! And as such – I am able to decide here that I trust myself – and to stop fearing the unknown – to stop fearing trusting myself – and simply do it – and as such apply the statement of “just do it!” – because really that is what it all comes down to – to actually make the decision and walk the decision – and in-fact do it!

Self-commitment statements

1. When and as I feel, and experience that I can’t trust myself – because something will go wrong when I trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – the fact is that what I experience is – a experience! Thus – a experience indicates that what is coming up within me is coming from the mind – automatically activated without my direct movement, and decision – and thus it’s not trustworthy; as such I commit myself to not trust the experience of myself that I can’t trust myself because something will go wrong – and I commit myself to act – and decide to trust myself here in this moment

2. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear trusting myself – because I think that I can’t trust myself if I am not able to know the consequences of my actions beforehand – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I can decide to trust myself regardless of the situation that I am in – or the point that I am facing – simply because it’s about SELF-trust – and not about OTHER-trust – and thus I commit myself to decide to trust myself – and see that it’s only me that can decide and walk this point for myself here

3. When and as I see, and notice that I think, and experience that I must wait with trusting myself – because I must have something more, achieve something more, and get someone to allow me to trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s about me taking a decision and trusting myself – thus I can’t wait for my environment to change me – I must stand as the catalyst – I must stand as the start – and I must take the first step and not allow myself to wait anymore; as such I commit myself to practice trusting myself as a self-decision in the moment – that I walk regardless of what it is that I am facing here in this moment

4. When it is that I see I go into and as a belief that I can’t trust myself because I am not yet mature enough, and that I can’t direct myself to trust myself because this is something that happens with time, and as I grow older – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – to believe that I will be able to trust myself more with time is simply an illusion – because look at most old people –they’ve also no self-trust and they’ve walked an entire lifetime in this world; as such I commit myself to stop using this excuse – to bring myself back here – and to see that I have to decide to trust myself – I have to stop waiting – and I have to actually do it because no one will do it for me

5. When and as I see that I am waiting to trust myself, because I feel that I have to have someone that tells me that – “okay, now you can trust yourself!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of deciding to trust myself is something that I must give to myself, and nobody will say to me ever that “now I can trust myself” and even if they do – the decision is still MINE because there is only ME inside of ME – thus only ME that can decide who I am – and what I will live, and stand as; as such I commit myself to make the decision to trust myself HERE and without waiting and postponing

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