Tag Archives: presence

Day 433: Stopping Groundhog Day

Groundhog day was a movie made somewhere in the nineties about a person trapped in a day that was repeating into infinity. He fell asleep only to wake up to the exact same scenario. Even though I am not trapped in such a reality – it does sometimes feel like life is similar to groundhog day – and that can be frustrating.

When I sit down to look at this point however, I can see that there is one pattern in particular that keeps me trapped in Groundhog day mode – and that is my tendency to remain in my comfort zones – that – and not pushing myself more to change limiting behavioral patterns. Because even though my reality is pretty much on repeat, wake up, work, go home, sleep, wake up, work, go home, sleep – that does not mean that I have to be on repeat. And there are a couple of things about myself that I accept and allow to be on repeat – that creates this experience of groundhog day.

The two most important aspects of myself that I require to change to get myself out of this rut is my relationship to money, that I still accept and allow to be defined by fear and my movement outwards socially – which is something I tend to compromise due to thinking that it is not important or relevant. However – social interaction and creating new and deepening already existing relationships is one of those things that creates a deep sense of value within me that goes beyond the normal everyday rut. The effect is similar to when I sit down and write like this. My relationship to myself is strengthened and I am able see more and with greater clarity. Thus – those two aspects of my life is something that I want to push and expand. And even though this reality is pretty much locked and defined into limited contexts, there are always room to bond and create new connections – especially since the introduction of social media.

The third aspect that I see is important to bring myself out of groundhog day-mode is to actively work with what comes up within me. Because many times this illusion of ‘same, same, same’ is created by having the same experiences, not necessarily because going through the same kind of situation. In-fact, the situation can be entirely new, however because we interpret it based on our memories, and activate old, repeated experiences connected to those memories, we completely miss the essence of the moment – and we can even believe that the moment is about something different. This is how we live out our memories – again, again, and again – and why time seems to move faster with age. We are full with information – we are all the time engaging and experiencing old memories and never really interact for real with reality – thus we just experience the past repeating. When we were children, we still had room within us to store information, and room/presence to experience reality without relating it to a memory, which made life so much more real.

I can for example remember summer breaks as a child. The time moved slowly. And even though I was not necessarily doing new things every day, there was a appreciation, love and contentedness present that made me see something new in every moment. That is an ability that I have lost as an adult and that I am now working at re-creating – and understanding how I was able to live in such a way as a child and how come I lost it. And my assessment at the moment is that one of the primary reasons is that as a child I did not have memories – I did not associate one moment to another – they were all new and fresh moments that I walked into with fresh and open eyes. And obviously, that was a far superior way of living compared to how us adults live.

Though the problem with children is that they are simply given the ability to live in this way – hence they do not understand how it is created – and that is where I am at the moment – in the process of understanding how to live in every moment without defining it according to my past. And in many ways I have already learnt how to do it – I understand how presence is created and maintained – though – there are still points that I need to push to get back to a sensible state of being.


Day 364: A Well Made Moment

I have been listening to two Eqafe interviews that have had a great impact on me – all covering the topic of what it means to create a moment with care, consideration and attention to detail. You can find them here:

The basic principle that is discussed is the difference it makes when life is approached from a starting point of aiming to make the best out of every moment; hence the term ‘A well made moment’. I had the opportunity to apply this principle today while I was doing some carpentry and painting.

With painting, the furniture I was working with had many details and I noticed that I wanted to move faster than what was practically possible. In order for the paint brush to effectively reach into the small cracks, and for the paint to fully cover the shape of the furniture, I had to be patient, move slowly, and be methodical in my approach. Hence, each time I noticed myself wanting to speed up, I took a breath and deliberately slowed myself down. The result turned out great because of my patient and thorough application. I covered the furniture with a even layer of color.

Though, creating a well made moment is not limited to carpentry or painting. This principle can be lived in all areas of life. Regardless of where I am, or what I do, there is always an opportunity to do what I am doing in a way that is best. Such a simple thing as cutting a slice of bread, it can either be done with precision, or carelessly. Driving the car to work, it can either be done with attention and consideration, or negligently. Talking with someone, it can either be done with presence, attentive listening, genuine participation, or on automatic pilot, just to get through the interaction.

Living to make things well made, that is challenging and requires us to push through those resistances, and that urge within, to skip the corners and do it the easy way. However, it is worth it, because there is a satisfaction and fulfillment in creating moments/things in the best way that they can be.


Day 391: Living COMPLETELY

During this week I have focused my application on the immediate living of words in the moment. When I have had a reaction, I have applied a line of self-forgiveness within me, and then I have immediately proceeded to see what word would be supportive for me to live in order to walk through and transcend the reaction. I allowed myself to be unconditional when I looked at the words, to just see what came up, and thus far a couple of interesting words have arisen that I had not applied/lived before – such as the word COMPLETE. And in this blog I am going to expand upon my understanding and application of the word complete.

This word came up within me one morning as I had just woken up, I was preparing to go to work, and I was noticing how stress was building up within me. The stress was primarily about getting to work in time, accomplishing my work, thinking about what I am going to do later in life in terms of work, thinking about whether or whether not I will be able to live in my current house later in life or not; to sum it up – FUTURE ANXIETY. I applied self-forgiveness and looked at what word that could be lived – and then COMPLETE came up within me.

I proceeded to take COMPLETE – I placed it within me chest – and then practiced immediately embodying the word. I could immediately feel a shift in my body – my stance became more upright, stable, certain, yet still, my muscles relaxed and my posture became more natural and balanced. My awareness shifted into what was HERE around me – I was making coffee for myself – hence – I observed and partook in the process with full presence – which was very cool. Then I realized the power of living the word COMPLETE – and how this is a word we as human beings have been really bad at living.

I realized that when living COMPLETE – meaning – I AM COMPLETE HERE – the notion of running, stressing, racing towards or after something becomes ludicrous and nonsensical – what is there to race after if I am COMPLETE here? Why should I think about, constantly strive towards, and attempt and try to achieve something more than myself, when I am COMPLETE?

I then asked myself, if I would consider my current state of living complete, at least in the sense of material standards, who would I be? Would I still be thinking about what kind of job I would have in the future? Would I still be thinking about where I am going to live in the future? In a way, such considerations and thoughts are immaterial – or put differently – unimportant under the circumstances – and if it would so happen that I would die after having made this cup of coffee – then would I ever regret not having lived in a different house? Surely not. My regrets would rather be about who I was as a person, the relationships I was able to create with people in my life, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the lives of others, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the life of my own – that would be of importance – that would be relevant – that would be material – and that thus forms a integral part of living the word COMPLETE.

Because living COMPLETE – means that I am COMPLETELY here – and that I make the most – the FULLEST – in every moment to live myself as a COMPLETE person – complete in the sense that I am not separated – spread thin and wide in my mind – where my attention is scattered between all kinds of irrelevant things/ideas/beliefs/emotions/feelings. Standing as the word COMPLETE is thus a completely different experience in comparison to living life from a starting point of inadequacy and feeling incomplete – which so many of us do. And then we try to find completion in our careers, in partners, in children, in all kinds of external manifestations – while all the time missing the point – the living COMPLETE is a matter of principle – a DECISION – that we do and must stand by – and implement in every moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word COMPLETE – as being COMPLETELY here in this moment – being COMPLETELY present – completely directive – completely taking part in my process of self-creation and thus not accepting and allowing myself to be separate – separate from the physical – separate from what is real through having thoughts, images, pictures, fantasies, all kinds of distractions in my mind – take me away from what is real HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that completion is not something that I will be able to attain through my external reality, that it is not something that I will be able to earn as money, or acquire as friends, recognition, power or importance – rather – it is something that I must live and apply in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will never be able to attain completion – it must be a decision that I make – I must LIVE completion in order to bring it into manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the word COMPLETE – and accept and allow myself to be scattered into a million of small pieces in my mind – hence forgetting that what is real is HERE – forgetting what I knew and could see as a child – that reality is HERE – and that there is in-fact nothing more to attain/achieve – than what is HERE in a moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a linear way of looking at my life – where it is all processes that goes from A to B – and where there is always a movement from A to B – and thinking that I will only ever be able to relax when I get to B – not seeing, realizing and understanding – that COMPLETION is always HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from COMPLETE – thinking that it is a too good a word for me – and that I will never be able to live or stand as complete – because I have not earned it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must earn living COMPLETE – that it is something that must come into my life after a long process of showing that I have earned it – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is a word – and that I can make a decision to live it HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself longing, looking at, fearing, worrying about, the future in some way or another, where I project a complete version of myself somewhere out there, that I will only be able to attain after a long and arduous process, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring that point of COMPLETION here – and I see, realize and understand – that COMPLETION is a decision that I live and not something that I can wait for – and it is not something that I will get from my external reality – it will be something that I create/manifest/life as a decision – and hence I commit myself to practice living COMPLETE – to bring all of myself HERE into the physical and to stand FULLY and COMPLETELY here – and to use moments of falling to learn and become better at standing as a COMPLETE and FULL version of myself HERE

 


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Day 331: Why We Should Reinvent Our Childhood

“Compared with adults, children do not yet have the ability to see a self that extends temporally into the future. This, however, is not a liability, but rather an asset that allows them to view their future without gloom and fully enjoy the present feelings of happiness. That is why the children of the world can look happy so long as they are happy in the present.”

― Yoichi Sakakihara, M.D., Professor of Ochanomizu University

Childhood, I remember that as a time in my life that was thoroughly enjoyable. Obviously, that is not so for everyone, as childhood can also be a terrible experience. However, as children, undoubtedly we do have an ability to live in the moment that surpasses that of any adult. I remember when I used to visit new places as a child, for example a forest, being sensitive, attuned, and completely in the present moment, it was an adventure without comparison. All my senses were active in experiencing and interacting with this new environment – and that ability to be FULLY here in the moment was what contributed to creating that almost magical feeling of adventure and astonishment at the small moments, that by adults were perceived as insignificant or completely missed.

This skill disappears as we age, and that is sad, because obviously, we as adults also need that sense of adventure and fulfillment in our lives, else, we simply become like robots, walking around to our next appointment, doing our thing, without really knowing why. From my perspective, and from what I have found, the reason why we loose this ability to be in the present moment is because we compare what is here to what has been, we actively use our experiences and memory-bank to define and give points to our current reality. This use of memory to interact with reality also dulls our senses and makes us less sensitive and attuned to the present moment. We thus miss so much of reality, because we are busy in our mind evaluating what is here, instead of LIVING with what is here.

One clear example of this is how adults tend to judge weather such as rain, storms, cold, and similar, as ‘bad weather’ and enter a gloomy experience, and oftentimes complain at the weather. What children do with bad weather is that they embrace it and allow themselves to experience and be part of and explore that particular moment of weather. For example, rain becomes an adventure without likes, as rain offers pools of water, and different animals come out from their hiding places to get moisture and look for food. Children hence know and apply one thing in their lives that we adults tend to miss, it is not about where we are, not about what we are, not about when we are, it is about WHO WE ARE – basically meaning that – we DECIDE what our present moment will be like – either a moment of presence/interaction/connection with the physical – or a moment of existing in our mind comparing what is here to what we would like it to be like.

As adults we look for life in all the wrong places, because we have forgotten that point of presence which we embodied as children. Life will not ever be born through realizing a dream or reaching a goal, such points are merely moments of satisfaction, and enjoyment, though not the same thing as the constant and fulfilling approach to reality that children master. Hence, the secret to life does not exist in changing our material physical world, it is instead within us, in our approach, and in essence, in our relationship with ourselves. If we want to have fulfillment, adventure, and enjoyment in our lives, this is where we should look, and not make the mistake of believing that the problem is our physical reality.

The above though is only true to some extent. We do undoubtedly have physical needs, we have to eat, drink, shit and piss – and if our basic needs are not fulfilled effectively – then it is not possible, or at least very difficult, to embody presence and live fully in every moment. This is why we require a new economic system with an equal distribution of resources – to make sure that everyone has to opportunity to discover and live their unconditional and childlike expression in this world.

What is then the solution? How is it that we return to our childlike selves? I find the following quote very supportive in this regard.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don’t care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharp;
I alone am dull.
Other people have purpose;
I alone don’t know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.”

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

The solution to stopping our continuous adult contemplation and replace it with LIFE is to STOP thinking. Thinking not only steals our attention from the present moments, it also becomes the building blocks of our life, and the problem here is that we have not even investigated the consequences of our thoughts; what does our thoughts really create? We must remind ourselves that the future will only ever be an abstract concept, something we use to make sense of time and space, however, LIFE will only ever be HERE. Thus, when we think about the future it should only be to organize and plan for our life HERE, yet that plan must not, and in reality cannot, take precedence of what is HERE. Hence, a plan, or a goal, will never in itself fulfill us, give us peace and joy – if we want to experience such words for real – they must be created HERE in our everyday life – in the mundane and recurrent. And in doing that, what we will discover and understand, which children already see, is that life HERE is not mundane, it is a constant flow of new moments that we can only ever really see if we stop thinking and instead place our full awareness in the present.


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Day 325: Remembering Balance

Remembering balance, this is something that I must push myself to do. I find it to be easy to me to loose myself in especially, career and future projections, hopes and desires of what I would be able to do, and how I would be able to feel out there, and then, forgetting about my life HERE. This way of living, where the future becomes more prominent than the present is a trait that has matured and developed as I have come of age, because as a kid, there was ONLY the present. And as a kid, there was no projection of a fulfilling future, because the present was sufficient.

I do see that as an adult it is important to have the skills of planning, foresight, and patience, as creating in this world, regardless of what it might, requires consistent action over space and time, nothing of magnitude can be created in but one moment. However, the great misunderstanding is to misinterpret a plan for the future, with the idea that fulfillment is as well awaiting us in the future. This feeling of a future fulfillment and completion is NOT real, and regardless of how convincing the inner experience might feel, it is very important to remember, that fulfillment is HERE, that LIFE is HERE, that self-expression is HERE, that physical LIVING is HERE. Even though I might realize and bring into fruition a complicated plan, the fact does not change, LIFE can only be created/lived/experienced HERE.

Hence, this is way balance is important, the balance between physical living/enjoyment/creation/expression HERE and planning/looking ahead/considering. Many adults seem to loose that balance as they come of age, and their lives become mundane, repetitive, walked as a routine, and not HERE as LIFE. And it is clear when comparing adults with children, the latter are so vibrant, happy, excited, filled with expression and experience, as they interact with their reality. And it is not about adults being more ‘wise’ and that adults have ‘seen’ and ‘understood’ what is all about, it is that adults are more in their heads, more in their memories, more in past experiences, and future projections, and hence in a way numb to experience the reality that is around and the life that is within them.

I have found that there are practical ways to retain, foster, and expand that child-like expression, for example, through pushing myself to be aware of my breath. Through being here with my breathing, I am able to keep myself with my human physical body, and also see when I venture into my mind and future projects, to then bring myself back here, into physical living. Further, placing my attention on the tip of my toes and fingers assist and support with presence, and bring my life expression INTO the physical, and hence, not accepting and allowing myself to let myself go to waste, through being locked up in a small area between my shoulders called the mind. I have thus realized, that birthing life in the physical, is about bringing our life presence HERE through a dedicated moment-to-moment application, where we each time we notice ourselves to be in the mind, bring ourselves BACK here, back into the physical.

Hence, PRESENCE, learning to live and apply this word in daily living is a key in retaining balance – because in being PRESENT here – I am also able to see when it is that I have ventured to far into a particular aspect of my life and there is a need for me to step back, gather and ground myself. And PRESENCE is a simple word to apply, it does not matter where we are, or what we do, as we can ALWAYS practice to remain present, aware, and HERE within what we do. It does not matter if we are obliged to think and project in our professional capacity, because even within that it is possible to remain present. And when we are present, life opens up to us in a completely different way than otherwise, we are suddenly aware of the nuances, the details, the small unnoticed points of our life, that we would usually have glanced over, as would if we would have been occupied in our minds.

Day 289: Breaking The Habit Of Overworking

For most my life I have studied, and now recently, I joined the so-called workforce – now a large chunk of my days consists of what we call working. What I have come to see is that working is very much different to studying. Working is physically tiresome, it is stressful, you are very much left to your own devices, and it definitely takes more of a strain on the body. However, what I have found is that there are two ways of working; there is overworking, and working.

Overworking is when I push myself without taking brakes, without slowing myself down within myself, and creating a energetic momentum within me, fuelled by work, and the drive to get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time possible. Overworking has consequences for the physical body. Yesterday I overworked myself, and as I woke up the morning after, I could feel how my body was a lot more tired, and depressed. Not only that, but throughout the night I had perspired, and my sheets were damp. And this experience was a direct consequence of overworking.

Looking at the beliefs and opinions circulating in society, one of them is that working hard, efficiently, and with drive is a positive thing. Being ambitious and successful is many times seen as synonymous with having a tight schedule, and constantly busy with work. However, what I have realized is that there is a quality in working slow. There are major benefits in taking breaks, allowing for fun and expected events, and doing things I enjoy, to for a moment, letting go of work.

I have had this idea that the more I work, the more I will get done. Now, I am not so sure anymore. Because, sure, when I work a lot, I will seemingly be productive, though, what is the price of that productivity, will I get more done in the long run or will I burn out? And then, how about focus and concentration, can I still produce quality products if I am tired, foggy, and absent-minded? My answer here is NO – it is not possible. As with all things, I do things best when there is a balance, when there is a holistic consideration for all the points in my world.

Hence, working must be balanced. Overworking implies a lack of balance, and the solution here is to insert small breaks into my schedule, go and take a coffee when I feel that I go into that compressed, tight, and pressured overworking-mode, and listen to my body. Success and ambition does not have to imply overworking – instead success and ambition are words that can be lived and applied in consideration of my human physical body – hence creating a balance – making sure that I give myself all the ingredients I require to live to my utmost potential.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overwork instead of accepting and allowing myself to work in a tempo and speed that is supportive for me and my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not break the habit of overworking – seeing that in order to break this habit – I require to push myself to get out of my comfort zone – and work slowly – work in consideration of and as my human physical body – to actively listen to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice gentle working – gentle working that is supportive for me and my human physical body and let go of the ideal of productivity and effectiveness – to see, realize and understand that I am in a physical reality – and because of that I cannot lead my life by these mental concepts of perfection – I have to take into account that the physical must move in a certain speed to be supported effectively – that when I overwork I create consequences for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that overworking comes from stress and anxiety – that overworking rises from a thinking pattern emerging from lack – where I believe that something is lacking and that I must run to get back on track – and that I am all the time out of sync and must rush to get back in sync – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself here as in sync

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be more natural and organic in how I approach my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that to create a supportive environment for myself and my body, I must listen to, and be attuned to what is here, to the information that is here in this moment, and align my participation and movement according to that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to take recurring breaks, to walk my body, to change environments, to do something different and break routines while at work, to in that assist and support myself to get out of the overworking-mode and get into working-mode – where I move myself in breath, being aware of my reality, and of my human physical body, moving in a tempo and speed that is supportive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up overworking in fear that I am then not going to get anything done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value and honor overworking as this supreme characteristic that I must hold unto – as it will propel me through life and make something extraordinary of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that overworking is going to lead me into a early grave – because overworking – that has very direct consequences for and as my human physical body that are not supportive – and thus I commit myself to practice natural working

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am overworking, I take a breath, I bring myself back here, and I stop myself – and I see, realize and understand that I will not get more done when I overwork, rather I will exhaust myself physically and mentally, and create physical consequences, a tired body, a tired mind, and a lack of life, and thus I commit myself to practice working in a comfortable speed, and tempo – to take regular breaks, and in that – nourish and care for my physical body – making sure that I take myself into account and that I listen to myself

I commit myself to stop overworking – and instead apply myself in a tempo and speed that is comfortable and supportive for my human physical body – and thus take the breaks I require in order to rejuvenate and replenish my energy

I commit myself to show by example, that in doing things in a comfortable pace, I can get just as much done as everyone else, and that it is not the speed that counts, it is WHO I AM – my presence – my interaction with the labor in the moment – that is what allows me to do really great quality work

When and as I see myself chasing minutes, chasing productivity, chasing success, I take a breath and I stop myself, and I see, realize and understand that I will never be able to achieve success and productivity if that is always points I am chasing after, and trying to get to – the solution hence is to LIVE them here – to stand as success – to stand as productivity – redefining and living these words HERE in the moment; and thus I commit myself to live productivity and success – to apply and live these words in my daily living and hence not anymore chase them

I commit myself to take the lead in creating a new way of relating to work – where work is done in a comfortable pace and tempo that is supportive for the human physical body and myself – and in this I commit myself to create balance in my life – balance between work, relaxing, commitments, and responsibilities, and make sure that I do not place too much emphasis on one single point – but that I nourish/take into consideration ALL OF ME

Day 260: OOD = Obsessive Organizing Disorder

Today as I woke up, I knew that I had a long day of reading ahead of me – and because I know that I can focus and concentrate better when I have had some physical movement, I decided to go out and spend my morning doing some ‘farm-work’. Now, I currently live on an old farm, and my family as been living on this property for some four generations. This has caused many of the various buildings on the farm to become very, very, very disorganized. I am not sure why that is, though it might have something to do with rushing, and how we tend to disregard important points in our life, such as our living environment, because we are rushing towards the next thing on our to-do-list.

Regardless of why, it is very messy in some of the locals. And I have noticed that this messiness really gets to me – because I enjoy when points are organized, systematic, they make sense, and they have a clearly defined purpose. For example, I do not like a room where there is a myriad of things from various categories – such as a bicycle, mixed with a chainsaw, and a outboard engine. When I get into such a room I become all uneasy, and feel an urge to start organizing, and getting things into their proper place. And with some rooms on the farm I have managed to structure and organize things, though many are still left to be dealt with.

So, today as I was going about some chores around the farm, I got an idea of how to use a room, that would make sense, and that would bring more order and structure to things. In the next moment I realized that if I was going to follow through on that initial idea, the new purpose of the room that I had come up with, would clash slightly with the purpose of another room that I had thought up. Hence, I in that moment experienced a conflict of purposes – which led me to start thinking about it more, and more. Behind the scenes of this thinking process there was an emotional experience lurking – an anxiety – the driving force behind that urge to organize, to have things be systematic, controlled, specific, and aligned with their purpose.

Thus today, I am going to open up this obsessive organizing disorder-character – because this urge to organize and make things streamlined according to their purpose, it does not only come up in relation to the farm – it also comes up in my life. For example, I have noticed that it is very difficult for me to just pick up a new hobby, unless it is somehow fitted into the ‘purpose’ of my life, and where I picture myself going. And it is also difficult to ‘just do something’ without it having a goal, a purpose, an end-result in sight of what I want to achieve with this thing that I am doing. Accordingly, my diagnose is that I am obsessed with having things ‘fit into’ a scheme – a picture – a mental concept that I have created of my life – which in turn creates conflict in me when my reality does not fit into my concept of how reality should be like.

Then comes the most important question – What is the SOLUTION that I see for this pattern? As far as I see it – the solution is to accepted and allowed myself to again become a child, live like a child, and approach my day like a child – because what does a child do? A child is here in the present moment, participating in what is opening up here – and if a child one day notices how much he or she likes to ride horses – then the child will do that – unconditionally – not because it fits into the child’s idea of what he or she should do in the future. Hence, the correction is to live in the present moment – to NOT think about whether something is proper or improper – to NOT think about where something should lead me – to NOT try to organize and define everything into neat little pockets of information where I feel that I know where I am going – to be flexible and live in the moment – though still obviously – have a overview and a general sense of direction in knowing where I am going.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I constantly need to plan things beforehand, and that with all things I do and participate in, that they need to fit into a purpose, into a direction, and into a particular way of seeing things – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live in the moment, and be in the present – and approach things HERE – thus not try to fit things into, and define things, so that they are sorted and stored in a way that makes sense to me – because I see, realize and understand that things doesn’t always have to make sense – instead I can participate in something because I enjoy it, because it is here, and without having a already decided plan

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with seeing the future in everything that I do – where for me to do something – I have to see a path into the future, where this points develops, and matures, and then benefits me in my life in some way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that not all parts and aspects of my life require to have a deep purpose and function – that sometimes – it is cool to just do something in that moment and then never return to it again – not all things require to fit in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with organizing and moving things where I live, to fit them into a systematic organization, that I think is logical, and that is based on reason – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I do not have to organize, and systematize all things in my life – that some points I can leave as they are – and it won’t become better or worse whether I chose to organize the point or not – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to be comfortable with disorganization

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable, and cringe inside of myself when I feel that things are not organized properly – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of immediately wanting to organize things, and put them into their correct place – and then go into a state of anxiety, and fear when I can’t seem to find a way of organization that fits into my way of logically structuring points in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define and make sense out of everything that happens in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overanalyze situations, and what I am doing in my life – want to fit it into the bigger scheme of things – when really – sometimes there is no such meaning to a point that occurs – and sometimes there is no value in trying to define, or make sense of something – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable with not specifically knowing where things are headed, and how they might turn out in the future – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to trust myself – and stand stable in my breath here – even though I have no clear view, or exact knowledge on how the decision I make is going to affect me and what it is going to lead to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, that even though I might not see the full picture just yet, that when I move myself, and continue to push myself forward – that I am going to reach a point where I do see what is going on and the best decision I can make to support my life and the life of others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the moment – living here in the present – as how children live – where there is no thought about what something should become – and rather what is important is the moment of self-expression that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can trust myself to direct points HERE in the present as they come up and as I see that it is relevant for me to move – make a decision – and direct a particular point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace this point of moving in the present – and practice seeing the way forward HERE – having a plan – yet not accepting and allowing this plan to overshadow my present reality and the opportunities that are opening up for me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I get too caught up in my plans, and in what my future should be, and should become, I miss out on the physical living HERE – and I miss out on the process of self-creation that must be done in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice establishing, and creating a balance for myself, between planning for the future, and remaining in the present – creating and being receptive to what is going on here

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a way of being, where I am trying to make my life fit into a predetermined planned, and define it into already specified, and purposefully arranged boxes, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I approach life from this starting point – I am going to create conflict within myself – because I will constantly think about the ideals – about how something SHOULD be – and not how things are here – and thus I commit myself to create a balance between the present and my future – where I do have a plan and a purpose for my life and future – yet where I am still accepting and allowing myself to be present HERE and receptive to what is opening up and moving in my day to day living

When and as I see that I am going into future projections, where I am imagining how things should become, how things should develop, how things should work out, and how things should be like, and what I can do in my future to make things the way I have imagined, and hoped that they should be, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I only think about what I should do in the future, and what I must do before I can begin moving, or doing something in my life, I am holding myself back, and limiting myself severely, grinding myself to a total halt within myself, because all of myself is in the future and not HERE – and thus I commit myself to create a balance between making plans for the future, and living HERE in the moment, creating and building, and shaping my life in the moment, with the resources that are at my disposal HERE

When and as I see myself going into and as a state of future planning, where I try to organize and make sense of this present moment through thinking about what I can, and should do in the future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing myself to make sense of this present moment – that I do not need that to be stable, sound and clear, and be directive about my decision and where I am going – and thus I commit myself to trust myself to walk in the present – and trust myself that as I walk I will see the next step to take – and the next point to take on and move and direct – and thus that I do not require to use my mind to make sense of where I am and where I am going