What I have noticed is that the work environment is very much associated with fears and anxieties, because within this environment, you are valued, judged, and ranked on the basis of your actions or non-actions. Your livelihood is dependent upon these reactions being positive – and when they are not – for some reason or another – fear will arise.
In my work I recently had an evaluation with my employer – and some of the things that was said made me wonder about whether I am not making a good impression on my environment – and whether I am being disliked and whether people talk behind my back. Obviously, these are only assumptions, since nothing was said to me directly, so I will not focus my writings on that, but rather on the emotions that came up within me, because this backchat started to move in my mind: ‘What are others really thinking about me?’
The emotions that came up I would describe as being a deep seated, churning anxiety, mixed together with embarrassment, and inferiority – and also a fear of the future. These experiences were mixed together in what felt like a ball rooted deep down in my chest/solar plexus area. My response to this experience was to start to think out ways in which I am able to ameliorate this damage that I perceived has already been done in my life. I began to make up various decisions, and directions that I could take, that would have people like me more – all of these ‘solutions’ obviously not valid – because what is the actual problem here? The problem is that I am reacting, and basically, that I am existing in a state of self-preservation and fear, instead of self-expression, and stability, and awareness of myself as life in every moment of breath – because that is what should be me directive principle, and what I stand by in every moment.
Hence, I find it cool that this point opened up. In a way it is similar to school, and how we during this time in our life‘s are very worried about what others think about us, who is popular and who isn’t – and what happens? No or very little focus is placed on actually studying. Same thing happens in the job environment – so much focus is placed on being liked, on fitting in, on doing a good job ‘for others’ – that no or little time is spent on actually doing, developing and progressing within one’s work.
What I see as a solution is to see, realize and understand, that what is most important is that I am satisfied in the work that I produce, that I push myself to be a effective, working cog in the machinery that is the organization for which I work. The focus must be on serving and standing one and equal with the group of people that make up the work environment, because there are a lot of people relying on the services, and products of this particular organization. The focus must be on me remaining self-honest, and placing my focus on what is actually important – and what is important is to be a supportive, reliable, and trustworthy colleague, that not only contributes to the organization, but that goes the extra mile to make work and the products produced extraordinary – a colleague that actually cares.
When the focus is to please others, to be liked, appreciated, and feel good, can there then be any genuine passion, care and devotion to ones work/labor? No – it will all be done to please others, and in this self-expression will vanish, and what will be left is a empty shell – someone that acts as if he cares, but it is all for show.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a reaction of fear and anxiety when I believe that others might dislike me, and not want me around them, because they do not see and perceive me as being a particularly good worker, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted nad allowed myself to make my focus to be about others, instead of me remaining here with and as my human physical body, and me remembering WHO I AM – and WHERE I AM GOING – and what it is that I am doing here – where it is obvious that I am not here to be liked and to please others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my priority when it comes to work, and labor is to become liked by others, and to be appreciated by others, and to have a cool, and comfortable experience with others, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am at work, my priority is not to please, but to in self-honesty, walk and create the best work that I can produce – because I see that this is my responsibility and what my purpose within work in-fact is
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become worried, and fearful that I am not living up to the expectations of others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume, and try to create the idea of what expectations others might have upon me, and within this also believe that my security in life is dependent upon others liking me, and me living up to their expectations, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that my focus should instead be HERE – me standing clear within myself and performing my work because I see that this is what is best for all – that I stand as an example for others as well in terms of what it means to care for – and really, genuinely, do ones work with pride and integrity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with work, where my relationship is defined within the emotions of fear, worry, and anxiety, and the purpose within my work is self-preservation, and self-interest – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can change this relationship to work, and also within this understand that what is important to direct in my work environment, is my responsibilities and commitments within my work, and not being liked and having others react positively to my presence and awareness – and thus I commit myself to make work something that exists within me as a responsibility, as a commitment, as something that I walk and express for and as myself – where I work according to my self-honesty with the purpose to create and produce the best work possible
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that work as been corrupted in the mind of humans to be about self-preservation, self-interest, and desire, when it could instead be genuine self-expression, when work could become that point in each human beings life, where we strive to perfect ourselves, our expression and live our fullest potential – and thus I commit myself to redefine work – to see that work can become that point in my life where I push myself to excel and become the best that I can be – where I push myself to become effective and an example as to what it means to live with integrity and truly care, and be passionate about the work one produce and create
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow my main priority in life to be what others think about, I miss the fact that there is a lot more important things to be aware of, to tend to, and to make part of my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of these things that are so very important, is for me to express myself, and to actually care for others, and give to others as I’d like to receive – I mean – isn’t that a far more important thing to focus on than what others think about me? And thus I commit myself to realize that what others think about me is pointless – because what matters is WHO I AM in-fact – and that only I know – and thus I commit myself to live the best version of myself possible – and to develop actual genuine care towards other human beings – and real genuine integrity and passion to give – so that I can stand as an example of what it means to make work someone more than only being about money, self-preservation and self-interest
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution to fear is living care, and giving as I’d like to receive – to not anymore place all focus on ME, and what I want, and what I have, but to see that there is a lot more to life than ME – and thus place my focus on others – to open myself up and expand myself to take others into consideration – and to care for others as I would for myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution to fear is caring for other others and more than only myself, and my life – and thus I commit myself to expand my sphere of care and include others in my world – and be/act/live towards/with them as I would for myself – and thus I commit myself to practice in my daily living – implementing and living care/consideration/giving
When and as I see that I am going into fear and anxiety in relation to work, in relation to what others think of me, and value me, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the solution to transcending this fear is to start caring, considering, and giving to others as I would for myself – that the solution is to expand my sphere of consideration to include others as equals to me – and thus I commit myself to practice having others within me – and when I make decisions, when I live and move myself throughout my day – to have in my heart – all other participants and members of life – and thus not live but for me – but for all
When and as I see myself going into fear, and embarrassment, because I perceive and think that I am not being liked around others, and that I give off a strange, and uncomfortable vibe, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that fear is a product of self-interest, and thus I can change this through turning my attention to how I can assist and support others and be of a genuine service to others – and thus I commit myself to take this into my awareness in my daily living – asking myself – how can I be off service to life – and assist and support others to stand up and live as their fullest potential