Tag Archives: process

Day 394: Creating My Self-Definition

Last week I visited a convention and met with many new people that are walking a similar career path as I am. It was interesting because it revealed a pattern of comparison and inferiority within me. I noticed how I was comparing myself to others, in particular looking at the perceived status and importance of my job in relation to that of others. I had thoughts enter my mind that I should have decided to do something differently and that I should have ventured into a more lucrative and desired career. I should have apparently moved to a bigger city and gotten a job with one of the major employers – because then – I would have been successful.

When these thoughts came up – I took a couple of moments and applied self-forgiveness – and I realized some interesting points. Firstly – I can never really enjoy, explore and expand naturally if I am continuously focused on what others are doing. Because where am I in that equation? I will never be able to acquire a sense of ease, purpose, fulfillment and direction, if my inner vision is blurred by the movements of others. I need to have my eyes set on myself. I need to have my focus fastened in my life – otherwise – I will go astray – and I will start chasing mirages – things I believe to be important but that really are not.

And how many of us live our lives this way? We determine what we want by looking at what others want – and we determine what is important and what is not by looking at what is important for someone else. How can we ever live a meaningful life if we are a copycat?

I have realized that this pattern partly originates from inferiority. Somehow I have determined on a deep level within me that I am less than others – and that I thus need to achieve a position of status and value in the eyes of others in order to equalize that inferiority into a equality. And because I am inferior – apparently I need someone else to tell me and show me what I need to do to reach an equality. It makes no sense at all – and it creates the consequence that I will live my life to reach a point only to prove a point that nobody else cares about – not even myself.

When I chase after an idea I will forget about myself and what is important to me. And to me – on a deep level – I do not care about status – I know it is only a dream. What I care about is being of service to others. I find it enjoyable, rewarding and satisfying to genuinely care for and help someone else with their problem and to be a support for them in difficult times. To achieve a position in society is a learned desire – something that I have copied from others – and when I look at the point intently – I can see that it also has to do about satisfying my parents.

If I look back at my life – a tendency that I have had is to choose my direction haphazardly and mostly by looking at what my parents deemed to be the best route for me. It is not that I lacked interests and passions – I have always had many of those – rather what I lacked was the courage and the self-value to follow my interests and passions – to stick with them and make them part of my life on a bigger level. For example – when I was to choose the orientation of my upper secondary school – I did not look within me to determine my direction. I did not do any particular research. I settled for one of the established schools and choose the orientation that my parents had suggested. And it worked out fine – however – I find it problematic that I did not engage in the decision on a deeper level – and that I allowed myself to be satisfied with the ‘normal’ route that it seemed as if everyone else also decided upon – and that I choose it without any deeper self-reflection.

It is fascinating when I look back – because I can see that one of my issues was that I did not take the time to establish my self-definition. In many respects – I was a blank slate – and in such a condition – it was more comfortable to follow the example of everyone else and do what everyone else seemed to find the correct way to do it. To create my own path would have meant a lot of research and self-reflection – because understanding and seeing what is best for oneself is not something that just happens – it must be created. And if I bring this point of understanding back to my current life – I can see that this is something I have not done for myself. I have not yet established a life-plan – the direction I want to take in life because it is best for me. Creating such a plan would require me to firstly establish my self definition – who I am and who I want to become.

Thus – what I can learn from the reactions I experienced at this convention is that I have not yet clearly established my self-definition. This is something that I will put time into and refine for myself – so that I can stop desiring and wanting what I perceive others want – and instead walk the direction I have decided upon for myself and that I know is best for myself.


Day 451: Why I Persist

One thing that I have found in my process is that they key to self-change is found in the basics. And with the basics, I am referring to the basic tools of self-change presented by Desteni: Writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitments, breath and corrective application. These are the five most potent tools that exist for self-change. They might seem too simple, however, that is what makes them effective. These tools can be applied almost everywhere and at any time – and with them the depths of self can be explored in detail. This is the reason why I have continued to use these tools now for soon a decade. With them I can change and become what I see is BEST for all – and consequently best for ME.

Unfortunately, many who join Desteni and begin to use the tools, have a expectation to achieve noticeable results faster than what is possible. The Desteni process and the offered tools however is a long term process. It will not move fast due to the simple reason that real and substantial self-change takes a lot of time. It also takes much discipline and effort. And regrettably, process is mostly not what I would call fun – it is not entertaining – it is instead challenging. Thus to stick with process and use the tools for the time required to see lasting results, for me, that has required a clear goal. I have derived the contents of my goal from a remembrance of my years as a young child. During those years I experienced myself fulfilled and free – and since I became older – I have desired to go back to that state of innocence and self-confidence. I realized early on that by using the Desteni tools I would be able to remove the emotional/feeling clutter hindering me from yet again returning to that state. Thus one of my goals, and what has pushed me to continue and return to the basics, has been that I have wanted to return to innocence – and live a free and fulfilled life.

Another goal/vision that I have held within me and that have motivated me to stick with the tools has been my desire to have a world that is best for me, best for all, and my desire to be part of creating that new life. This desire to achieve a significant change is something that I have returned to when things have gotten tough. I do not want to settle for what works. I want what is best – and giving myself to the purpose of creating what is best brings me real satisfaction. Living a life where only I, alone, reap the benefits is for me empty and without substance. To only care about what success I am able to achieve, it does not mean anything to me. I prosper when I am able to feel that what I am doing is contributing to upgrading life, and that I do when I sit down to write, when I apply self-forgiveness, and when I implement my forgiveness through correcting myself in a real time moment. That is having DIRECT effect.

The big difference, when comparing the Desteni process to other tools/theories/processes for self-change available, is that the Desteni tools are practical and concrete. In spirituality, issues are many times given a abstract solution. For example, lets say that a person suffers from social anxiety. In spirituality, a solution given could be: ‘You need to open yourself up more to the love in others and not fear meeting the unknown’. Though here it becomes problematic when applying this solution in physical reality – because how do you practically live ‘opening yourself up’ – how do you practically ‘not fear meeting the unknown’?

Here the Desteni tools, when used properly, instead give a practically applicable solution. To deal with social anxiety the following solutions could be applied: Write about the fear, investigate how it was created and apply self-forgiveness on the memories/energies associated with interacting with others. Then, to change the fear practically, start looking into the eyes of others, walk with a straight back, push your chest outwards and your shoulders slightly back, and breathe deeply and practice relaxing your muscles when fears comes up in social situations and start talking/interacting with the people there. There is a clear difference between spiritual/soft solutions and the direct concrete solutions that can be realized by utilizing the Desteni tools. And I have experienced marked sense of self-empowerment each time that I have been able to solve my issues, not only mentally, but also change my practical reality by changing how I interact with it.

And these are some of the reasons as to why I have kept on using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements, and self-corrective application, why I have persisted and stuck with the Desteni process, throughout the years. It has been a way for me to make the best of my life – and I am convinced that these tools would be able to benefit everyone and assist and support in expanding LIFE and in realizing our full potential.


Day 432: Success, It Is About Starting

Yesterday I read a great blog on the topic of success called A New Dimension of SUCCESS, in which a cool definition of success was brought forth:

Success lies not in how much you have accomplished, but in the fact that you have done something, experienced the process, and begun to learn something

This definition of success does not target material wealth, the result, rather it is about ACTING – and I find that empowering. I have many times feared walking into new ventures and directions, because I suspected I might not be able to make them successful and worth my effort, and due to this I have stopped myself from having new experiences. And I have also seen how I evaluate past projects on the basis of how much wealth I was able to produce, or time I was able to save, or how much attention I received from others, or how close to my initial goal that I came. The problem with evaluating my projects through such quantitative measurements is that I will miss MYSELF within all of them, and miss that, regardless of the outcome, I actually walked a process, I did something, and if I look closely, I will see that I learned something as well.

Defining success as the actual decision to DO something, that supports growth and movement, it supports courage and direction, it supports creativity and inventiveness – it is a EXPANSIVE definition – where the goal is the PROCESS, the JOURNEY, the DECISION, and not the actual outcome in itself.

However, there is something missing from the definition, and that is the point of OTHERS/EXISTENCE. Because, there is more to this life than myself, and real success is only real when everyone benefits. The principle of what is best for all is a essential component in success, for success to be substantial and worthwhile.

Thus – I would like to change the definition above to the following:

Success is the ACT of moving myself to accomplish a goal/direction/project that benefits/supports life in some way, and it is also my EXPERIENCE of the creation process, and it is what I LEARNED through doing it

With this redefinition of success, what is accentuated is the point of making sure that my direction/project/goal actually brings through some sort of value/support in life – if what I do is harmful/self-interested only based on what I want with no regard for another – its not SUCCESS. Further, with this redefinition, the process of creation is placed in the limelight – what is important thus is the MOVEMENT – to actually do something – to not let it remain on a idea level. Ideas/projects/potentials – they are meant to be EXPLORED and MOVED. Hence – if there is an idea – and I want to bring it through – then next point is to PLAN and then DO – it is as simple as that. And – regardless of the outcome – there will be things I have learned, an experience that I can take with me – and that is SUCCESS as well.

For those interested on further perspectives on SUCCESS I suggest listening to the following interviews:

Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 571

More Dimensions of Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 572

Practically Working with Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 573


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Day 426: Planning/Structuring My Next Move

Creating a structure, a plan, a way to go, it takes time, it takes effort, and sometimes, it feels like its not worth it. Hell, why not just go for it immediately? At least, that has been the case for me. Well, I have now come to see things differently.

I am actually in the midst of removing rust from my car. It has not been a particularly difficult process, until that is, I got to the part where I have to varnish the car. Then things started to become complicated, because in order to have the reparation blend in with the old varnish, there are certain techniques that must be used. Unfortunately, I learned these techniques AFTER I had begun with my project, which again shows the importance of STRUCTURE and PLANNING. The natural progression in my case would have been that I first sat down to do research on the techniques of how to remove rust and the varnish the car effectively. And then to go out and apply it in reality. However, because I was so eager, excited, and also, a bit arrogant, I went out and into action without hesitation.

However, there have been more complications. In the middle of varnishing the car, I ran out of color. And now, I have two spots on the car where there is no varnish, and usually, it takes a couple of weeks for the color to arrive when ordered, and hence, I might have to abort mission in the middle of the process, and then return to it at a later stage to do it again. If, I would have prepared all the ingredients, all the tools, all the things I need, BEFORE, I started the project, and hence committed myself to following a STRUCTURE, I would not have this problem.

These are all examples of why structure is important, and also examples of situations where structure has not been applied sufficiently.

Thus – the solution – to SLOW DOWN – and BEFORE I begin the ACTION part of a project – to do my research – to prepare – to plan – to consider the application and movement to come – and THEN – to go into ACTION. And obviously – with some things, there is not much to be planned or considered, and with other things there are many points to contemplate, especially those that I am not familiar with.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist applying structure, because I feel that it is boring, there is no ACTION in it, I do not get anywhere, it is just discussing and planning, looking at the point, no MOVEMENT, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define action and movement as only being the part of a project where I DO something PHYSICALLY that has an immediate and direct impact on the point I am walking – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that a successful project, a successful application, has many other dimensions to it, that impact on a indirect level, such as for example an effective STRUCTURE, an effective PLAN

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to apply structure, consideration, planning in my life – to push myself to before I begin something, to plan and structure my actions, to while I am in the middle of a project, to push myself to structure and plan my actions, to not go wild into spontaneous action believing that this is the most effective route to go, because I see, realize and understand, that many times it is not – and in-fact – I will have to re-do the project – or I will end up dissatisfied with the results – because I have not applied myself to the level that I am capable of doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that even though creating a structure and a plan takes time, it will show in the final result, it will show in how I walk the point, because when I plan, when I use a structure, I am able to be more relaxed and confident, because I know where I am going, and I know where I am, and I am able to see as well when things do not progress as I see is best – and then act

Self commitment statements

When and as I see myself resisting to sit down and plan, structure and consider a project/movement/direction that I am intending to walk – I stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I take the time to plan, structure and consider my movement, and prepare myself beforehand – I always end up with better results – I am more satisfied and more content with myself – and when I am done – I know the project has not been walked haphazardly – and hence – I commit myself to PLAN, STRUCTURE, PREPARE and CONSIDER my movement/direction/application within a project BEFORE I move into the ACTION-phase – to as such support myself to achieve the best results possible


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Day 396: Processing At Work

The office I find to be one of the most challenging environments within which to remember and apply the tools of process; breathing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective application. While at the office, I find it to be very, very easy to loose myself in a rushed state – and illusion of time constraints where I become convinced by my own belief that I literally do not have any time left whatsoever to be utilized for my process.

For example let us say that I have a reaction at work; anxiety comes up in relation to finishing a particular task that has been assigned to me. The common sense in such a moment would be to stop up, take a breath, look at this anxiety, apply a fitting line of self-forgiveness, find a corrective word to live, and then apply it, and continue walking. Having such a simple approach each time there is a reaction within me that I have difficulty to stop on the go would make A LOT of difference for me. However, because I have this illusion of hurry within me – I do not take those moments that would be so good for me to do.

An interesting point that I have noticed is that usually, there is time available at work to stop up and deal with inner experiences that open up. Though I have to use my time effectively. And here I have seen that while at work, there is a tendency to spend the time I do have available on things such as coffee breaks, long lunches, etc. – breaks that could be shortened where time would be released that I could instead utilize to apply the tools of process and move myself forward within myself in relation to what I am going through. Potentially, I could instead of using my lunch break to eat and then sit and talk about something that have no real meaning or depth to it, go and write in my journal for a moment, and outline my inner process for that day in words – which would also be really assisting and supportive for me to remain stable and efficient in dealing with what comes up within me.

Thus – I have realized that learning to apply process while participating in the normal everyday things and responsibilities of life holds the key of moving fast and efficiently through what comes up within me. I always have the tools with me, it is simply a matter of remembering them, and applying them, and then doing it over and over again until I have come through. Work is no excuse for not walking process, having many responsibilities is no excuse for not walking process, being a parent with young children is no excuse for not walking process – because process is ALWAYS here – it is simply a matter of making the decision to bring process HERE.

 


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Day 395: The Power of Writing

How to remain self-honest and walk process, how to not get distracted and lost in the entertainment offered within the system, how to keep one’s focus and chosen direction in life even though so much time goes into working, money, and other forms of responsibilities that must be handled in order to survive?

These are questions I have been looking at recently, because in acquiring a full time job, getting access to more money and a easier, more comfortable life, it is easy to forget what is important, it is easy to forget one’s purpose, and forgetting that, so many people in this world are without their basic necessities, living in unacceptable conditions, in a system that does not cater to the needs of everyone. What I have found as a solution to this problem is WRITING – the WRITTEN word – that has become my sanity and point of grounding. When everything spins fast, sitting down by my computer, and establishing the words I want to live and stand as within my life helps a lot. In writing, I am able to reaffirm my purpose, direction, movement – I am able to remind myself of what is crucial and what I want to do with myself – because with writing – I have a moment with myself where I am able to deliberately choose my WORDS – and my words become my WORLD.

If we take a look out in the world – we are constantly bombarded with words; advertisements, newspapers, television programs, books, music, conversations with other people – there is a on going soundboard of words entering our worlds daily. Hence – it is not strange that if we ourselves do not take responsibility to design ourselves according to the words we see are best – that we will slowly but surely loose focus – start to slip – forget – become led astray – because we begin to live and integrate words that others have put out into the world – instead of sticking with our own words – that we have decided upon because we see that they are best for us.

Because of this I have decided to put in some time to write most mornings before I leave for work – I use a pen and a paper and I allow it to take time required. However, with writing, I have found that it is not the amount written that matters, it is the principle, the direction, the clarity, the intent, the decisiveness in the words. I can write for an entire day – though if I am not self-honest – it will mean nothing at all. Same is true the other way around, I can write but one sentence, however with that sentence I can change my entire day – I can make a clear decision as to who I am going to be and live that day and then apply it – and through that make a directive and supportive movement in my life.

Hence – with writing – the power lies in writing words that MATTER – writing words that come from the HEART – and then – through writing – looking for and establishing solutions that can be lived PRACTICALLY – PHYSICALLY – HERE. It is through process of placing words that matter that I have been able to support myself to remain grounded and focused on my direction – and hence it is something that I would suggest for anyone interested in supporting themselves to make and create something more with their lives – a life lived from within and as principle – and not moved from thought to thought without any plan or goal.

 


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Day 390: Not Enough Time For Process?

What I have been looking at recently is how to make sure that I am walking and moving myself in my process even though there is not as much time for writing and self-introspection as there used to be. I have found that writing is a superb technique for giving myself a moment to stop, to look, and to establish a direction for myself. However, it is not possible to do this the same way anymore, and hence revolution is required, a new paradigm must be shaped.

One way in which I have been able to incorporate process in my daily living is through applying self-forgiveness out loud every time I am driving by myself. Another way in which I have been able to do it is through applying self-forgiveness within myself each time I have a reaction. The next step as I see it, to support myself to make process even more so, a natural part of my life, by practicing the IMMEDIATE CORRECTION after I have applied self-forgiveness.

Thus far I have experimented with LIVING WORDS as a correction after I have applied self-forgiveness, which is challenging and expansive. After I have had a reaction and applied self-forgiveness, I look within myself to see whether there is a word I am able to embody that would assist and support me to change and align my inner experience. Today when I woke up, within me there was a undefined angst, I forgave the experience and looked within, and here I could see the word COMPLETION. Hence – I immediately went into application living the correction – COMPLETION – which I lived through being completely in my body – each part – being complete in myself – hence allowing myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing more I need and require to chase and achieve – I am complete in my MYSELF here – and this chase and hunt to achieve something more – it is not real.

Hence – even though my life has changed – even though things are different – and there is less time – it does not have to mean that there is less process. Rather – this is an opportunity for myself to push and will myself to really make process part of my entire life – and not accept and allow myself to walk and apply process in but parts of my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to apply and make process part of all my life – that only because I do not have time to write, or apply self-forgiveness out loud, it does not have to mean that I must hold back in my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to establish ways, methods, means of walking process HERE even though there is a time constraint – to see, realize and understand that this is a new challenge – where I will have to establish myself even though I cannot walk process the way I used to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that using the excuse that I cannot walk process because there is not enough time is not valid – because the only that is needed to walk process is me – and I am here in every breath – and thus I can push and will myself to make and have process be part of my everyday life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that process is WHO I AM – that it is thus something that I can walk regardless of circumstances – and hence I push and commit myself to walk process in every moment – to walk process in every breath – to make it part of my every step – and to practice living words as an immediate correction in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need things to complete me – that I need certain things to happen in the future to complete me – that I need a certain life to complete me – that I need a certain security to complete – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider and also to not live the word COMPLETION for and as myself – as something that I do to assist and support myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself waiting for process, or defining process as writing, or as applying self-forgiveness out loud, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that process is HERE – that process is my decision to walk and transcend my mind and change myself as who I am and birth myself as a trustworthy and life-supportive individual – that process is something that I can put into and have in my daily living as a constant point of consideration – where I push myself in every breath to apply and live words; hence I commit myself to each time I have a reaction – to take a moment to apply self-forgiveness – and then find a corrective word that I can live – and then live it

When and as I see that I am waiting to be completed by something outside of me, by a thing, or a person, or a activity, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never be able to find and achieve that completion by taking someone or something outside of me into my life – rather completion is a decision – it is WHO I AM – and it is lived in every moment – as a decision to stand COMPLETE – to stand FINISHED – to not be separated into thoughts and experiences – but stand as one in the moment and be fully here; and thus I commit myself to practice the word COMPLETE – through bringing everything here – bringing it all back to myself into the moment – into and as my human physical body – and grounding my presence and awareness HERE


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