Tag Archives: professional

Day 437: Redefining The Word Reliable

Being seen and defined as reliable by others, that is something that is very important to me. In some regards, it has supported me to be cautious and precise with my impression on others, in other aspects, it has limited me, and the limitations I have created have most of the times been connected to the fear/anxiety I experience in relation to not being seen as reliable to others. Thus, in this blog I am going to look deeper at, and redefine the word reliable, and make it a practical word that I can live for and as myself.

How I live the word currently

Currently what being reliable means to me is that I am true to my word. When I say I am going to do something, I do it – if I share a bit of information – I make sure it is correct – I make sure that what I say I can do, I am also able to do. Being reliable is also much about how others experience me. If I do something that could potentially be seen as bad, or if I see that another reacts towards me, in the sense of distrusting me, then I feel start to feel/experience myself as a unreliable person, and this is oftentimes connected to self-judgment, where I condemn myself harshly for being unreliable.

Dictionary definition

adjective
consistently good in quality or performance; able to be trusted: a reliable source of information.

noun (usu. reliables)
a reliable person or thing: the supporting cast includes old reliables like Mitchell.

Sounding the word

Rely-able
Real-able
Real-I-Able
Really-Able

Creative writing

I like the sound, Real-I-Able. Drawing from the sound of the word, what I can see as definition and meaning of reliable, is that of standing firm and grounded within self when facing the world, hence being consistent, constant, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is being reliable. It is possible to fake being reliable if its only about how others sees me. Real reliability however, is about standing and being stable regardless of what comes up within me. It is the ability to apply self-forgiveness upon and the direct the patterns emerging within me without hesitation, directing it immediately, and return to the stability and constancy of breath/here – and doing that consistently – that is what makes the difference.

Reliable, it is not about others, it is about me making a decision about who I am, and sticking to it – and sticking to it over and over again each and every time that the pattern arise. When being reliable becomes about others, then I miss what reliability is all about – that it is about my stability and stand within and as myself – me being REAL and not accepting and allowing emotions or feelings draw up a cloud of dust within me, and cloud my vision.

Redefinition

Consistently living with stability and common sense

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being reliable from the outside, wanting this to be confirmed by others, instead of me standing as reliable for and as myself, where the definition of being reliable, is that I stand within and as my human physical body, that I push and will myself to act according to what is physical, and that I push myself to forgive and let go of emotions and feelings when these emerge within me in some way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at reliability as something that I am given by others, something that I receive through being deserving and acting in a way that others see as being reliable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget, and miss out on what it means to be reliable for real, where reliable would be to be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – that I push and will myself to be stable and directive – and that I do not accept and allow myself to jump into the emotion/feeling wagon to be dragged and moved somewhere that is NOT my intention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another judging me as unreliable, because I believe that this will actually make me unreliable – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that being unreliable or not, is not about what others think of me, it is about WHO I AM, it is about me standing with the physical, and acting according to what is mathematically best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be confirmed by another as reliable, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that in a way, this is me trying to escape from, and find a shortcut to real reliability, where I want others to give me this definition, instead of me developing, enhancing and pushing myself to confirm and define myself as reliability, doing it for myself, and seeing that I am in-fact reliable in who I am and in what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make my definition of reliable something that is personal to me, something that I am able to have control and direction over, and something that is meaningful to me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to have another see/define me as reliable, I stop myself, take a breath, and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that wanting another to see, define and view me as reliable is limiting me from actually developing reliability as an expression for and as myself – and thus I commit myself to focus on myself and my expansion/creation/living of reliability – where I focus on creating myself as this word through each time I react, become emotional, or charged with feelings, that I bring myself back here to my body, that I forgive, let go, and create a solution for myself


Learn more about this way of living

Advertisements

My Dreams End Here

Most of my life I’ve wanted to become something that I am not. When I was younger at elementary school I wanted to become thin, because I thought that I was to fat. Further I wanted to become a movie-director and make great movies that everyone applauded in ecstasy. I wanted to become a fotball pro and make these brilliant tricks, wherein I fooled all my opponents and finally the goalkeeper. I wanted to become a brilliant ice-hockey goalkeeper, become famous for my amazing saves; having others speak about me in awe, saying that I never ever let the puck into the goal – saying: he’s simply brilliant!

Then I got somewhat older and I began college, or gymnasium as it’s called here in Sweden and now the nature of my dreams changed slightly. Now I wanted to become a master Warcraft III player, which is a computer game for those that do not know. And I wanted to be top-ranked, and I played to reach this goal for several hours everyday; up to 8 hours some day’s.

Then I found another computer game wherein the goal was to develop an online character through fighting and killing monsters. Through doing that you found new weapons, you unlocked new areas, raised in your level and got new type of skills; and when you we’re really good and had a very advanced character with all the latest skills, gears, and levels – you got respect from other online players.

Then as I advanced in my age I started to consume weed – quite heavily. Through doing that my dreams started to change in nature. I also started to play guitar at the same time; and now to my inner eye appeared visions of me sitting in a house in the middle of the woods, smoking weed and playing my guitar. Or I was off to some far away tropical island, filled with beautiful women, lots of weed and musicians that I could play music with. Obviously in my dreams I would become respected for my music, revered even, and I would become exactly as my most loved idols; Bob Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury; a star of enormous dimensions!

And then I got out of my school experience and my dreams came to an abrupt end, because you very fast realize that non of your dreams will be fulfilled, as they are only dreams. Though obviously I held on to some of golden acorns, as my most precious dreams; especially the dream of one day becoming a famous musician.

So, it’s interesting when one look at the dreams that I’ve had during my lifetime, as they have all consisted out of one thing only: winning. And my dreams might have offered some slight nuances as to how this winning might be experienced, as fame, success, adventure, sex, power; but always it’s been a question about a positive energy that I would experience, and that would be given to me through having the attention of others,

In all of my dreams I was never the source. All my dreams required people to look at me and define me as that which I sought to be; except maybe my desire to be in a cabin in the woods and smoke weed – yet within that dream I still wanted a cabin. Anyway – what can be concluded is that my dreams were never about me, but they were about me having something that I didn’t have – just as I said in the beginning.

It’s fascinating. All my life I’ve wanted to be something else but what I am here, and what I experience here.

Why? What’s the point of wanting something, or desiring something that isn’t here? To live like that is such an extreme self-limitation, because one will never be satisfied with oneself – and all the time run towards the new mirage that apparently hold the dreams of self fulfilled.

It’s really stupid. All type of dreaming is stupid, as it takes you away from what is real, and places you in position of having to reach something before you’ll be able to enjoy yourself and be satisfied with yourself.

The solution is breath. Never accepting and allowing self to wander of in the mind and create such expectations, ideas and dreams. Standing firm by one’s understanding that nothing will ever come from a dream. Fulfillment will never be achieved through thinking, desiring, longing and urging for something that isn’t here – obviously. It’ll never be here, that’s why it’s called a dream.

It’s just like heaven – dreams that is. Because through participating in dreams we separate ourselves from what actually matters – which is matter. And we become numb to that which offers actual fulfillment, which is living here one and equal as matter – filling ourselves up with substance.

That is the secret to ending consumerism, as always wanting more, more and more – we fill ourselves up with what’s already here and realize we don’t, and we never needed anything more but ourselves, as matter.

I stop the game, as the search for fame, and as the bitterness and blame, that arrives with the train, when you realize you’ll not win but only be one of the same. To be the same as everyone else isn’t bad – we are that already. We’re all of the dust, and of the earth, and dreams, superstars, famous people and successful people; they are but mirages attempting to convince themselves as well as others that they are something above the rest.

Dreams can only exist when one believe there is something above what’s here, and a belief can only exist when one participate in the mind. As such – the simple solution for self-fulfillment is to stop the mind and consequently return to the physical.

End fame – End the Game.