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Day 361: Experiencing Real Life Versus Walking Process

With process, I have noticed that it can be easy to create a rift between on the one hand walking process and on the other hand, enjoying and living a fulfilling life – where the belief that is created is that these two points are mutually exclusive. In the beginning of my process, this rift was more pronounced, however as I have continued to walk my process, what I have begun to do is to INTEGRATE my process into my DAILY LIVING.

What I have seen is the following: There are certain tools that must be used to walk process effectively, among these we find writing self to freedom, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. In that way, process is confined to certain physical positions and movements. We must either sit behind a computer or with pen and paper in order to write, and sounding self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, that usually requires that we are in alone. Those are the only parts of process that are bound to a certain time and space – because the REAL CHANGE process – that is walked IN daily life.

Thus, it does not make sense to separate walking process from living within and participating in our daily routines, walking our hobbies, interacting with friends, traveling, exploring, and experiencing the various opportunities of expansion that exists within life. Process should be a part of life. What I have seen, realized and understood is that if there is a sense of resistance/discomfort towards process, and feeling in a way, trapped by challenge that process represents, then there is a separation between walking process and the rest of our life – and the solution thus is to integrate process into all parts of our life.

Integrating process into our lives is simple, yet it requires us to be aware, ready and present – and open to challenge ourselves and how we have decided to live. This way of looking at and approaching process can open up new worlds to explore. For example, going to work, such a menial point, mostly seen as something undesirable, can become a way to get to know self and expand. It is thus all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – not about what we do.

This also relates closely with the point of future obsession and how it can be easy to get stuck in projections of the future and loose touch with the present. In-fact, it is not that important what we decide to do, what is important is WHO WE ARE – what we decide to do and who we decide to be within ourselves. Process, self-creation, self-expansion, and moving beyond what we considered possible for ourselves can thus be a integral part of all areas of our lives – and that is also the solution to stop separation – to stop the constant experience of conflict and separation that other wise reigns within us as we try to reach and attain the most luscious pasture that we can graze.

Thus, walking process is never something that is easy. It requires effort, dedication, diligence and movement – HOWEVER – we do not have to limit process to only certain actions and parts of our lives. Rather, process should be HERE regardless of where we are at, with process meaning that we at any given moment strive to improve, further, drive, and move ourselves to become MORE, BETTER and reach our utmost POTENTIAL.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my future, my purpose, my direction very, very seriously, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about life HERE, and that it is never about what I do, it is about WHO I AM – and that I can do all the apparent right things yet never move an inch within myself – because I have not actually moved WITHIN myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring my attention/focus/direction back HERE to myself – and place my attention on WHO I AM – place my attention on self-development – self-creation – and self-expansion in every moment of breath – to look at my daily living and see the obvious points of expansion that I can take on and begin to push those

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that a consequence of placing attention on the future, of creating conflict in relation to the future, conflict in relation to what I should become, how I should be, how I will experience myself in the future, is that I will loose touch with the physical HERE – loose touch with what is important and significant – which is my daily movement and direction HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to live an interesting and fulfilling life if I make process part of my daily living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that this is an illusion that I have created, a belief that my life will become less if I decide to integrate process as part of my life – while this is not true – and in-fact – only an excuse and a justification for me not to live and create fully – completely – and with all of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I integrate process into my daily living – the more I expand – the more I am able to see – the more fulfilled and stable I become – and in-fact – I miss out on nothing at all – life thus is not supposed to be separated from process – because what is life without the drive and push to change and move self to become the best self possible?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will loose myself if I make process a part of my daily living – a part of my every moment application – not seeing, realizing and understand – that I will not loose anything – but rather CREATE a new SELF – that will be able to walk through and do something worthwhile with life – instead of going through the motions and then ending up not doing anything at all

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself having resistance towards process and applying myself because I rather want to get on with my life and just experience it, I take a breath and bring myself back here – I see, realize and understand that this separation between process and life is an illusion, something that I have created in the belief that there is something more to be experienced but myself HERE – and thus in a way trying to run away from myself – and thus I commit myself to make process part of my everyday life – through integrating process in my life in moments and in parts of my life where I see that I must expand/move/direct myself – and in the parts where I see that I am already strong – by enhancing those strengths even more – thus actively making process a part of myself and my life


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Day 344: Removing Projections

Future projections and dreams, if I have realized one thing in this process, it is how easily we can deceive ourselves by accepting and allowing ourselves to participate in the idea of a more fulfilling future. It is soooo easy – one moment when we lose touch with our breath – and a imagination regarding future comes up – and whoop – we are gone with the wind. The treacherous thing about future projections is that they are usually accompanied with some form of positive experience. Hence it is easy to believe that future projections is a positive/good/empowering pattern within ourselves. However, that is not the case, because the consequence of future projections is: Waiting instead of acting, not committing to what is here, not participating with what is here, and hoping instead of living. Basically, future projections makes us slave to a mental projection in our minds, and does not support us to LIVE.

Let me give you a practical example from my own life. During my university studies I found within me a deep and passionate love for learning. I enjoyed to read, to take in information, and to push myself to excel in my studies. However, while I was doing this, at the same time, there was within me a projection, an idea of where I was supposed to go in the future. Without me seeing it at the time, I was through holding unto that projection, my idea of what profession I would enter, what future I was supposed to have, and what I wanted to experience, already conditioning my relationship to my studies. I developed a tendency of only committing myself to certain parts and aspects of my studies that I deemed to be worthwhile in consideration of how I would best be able to realize my future projection. Through doing that, I missed out on a lot. Because there were many aspects of my studies that I could have committed myself to walk and get to know even better, if I had not held unto that future projection.

Thus, this all goes to show the importance of not conditioning our current expression, movement, and direction, that takes place in each and every moment of breath, according to a idea, a future projection, an illusion of where we are supposed to go. There is SO much to learn, so many areas of life in which we are able to expand, improve, and practice changing ourselves to the better – HOWEVER – when we close ourselves off to that part of life through constantly thinking about and looking at some distant future that is not here – we will not give ourselves access to that eternal well of expansion that is always HERE.

This also brings me into a different though closely related point – TIME – and how we use our time on this earth. When we always strive for something different to what is here – then we are NOT using our time effectively – because – we are not IN TIME – moving WITH TIME – but rather racing towards a time somewhere in the distant future. Life, reality, relationships, developing and creating ourselves – that is a process that will only always be HERE. If we are not HERE – then that process will be out of our reach. Thus – the importance of pushing presence – awareness – and HERE-living.

Now, how do we change from living in the future, in a projection, to instead, living HERE? One solution that I see, is to give myself FULLY to the MOMENTS of my life. Lets say that in one moment, I am participating on a chat. To then give myself FULLY to that moment would be to go into and participate in that chat with presence, awareness and vigor – it would be to have my mind and my attention placed fully here on what I am doing – not being separated through for example – thinking about what I am going to eat after the chat – but committing myself FULLY – FULLY living – FULLY communicating – FULLY relating – FULLY interacting – FULLY responding – being FULLY here – and not split in a millions pieces within myself as thoughts, and projections, as ideas of where I should go, who I should be, what I should do, and what not.

The solution to the illusion of a fuller life out there – is to become that FULL life HERE through FULLY living – and FULLY living being – to take part FULLY in every moment with ALL of MYSELF – and not half-arsing my way through life believing that such a participation is in anyway resembling what real living expression is all about.


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Day 307: Longing For More

About two years ago I started planning my future when it came to career, living arrangements, and what type of future that I wanted to experience in my life. In this process I was able to reach a few conclusions, such as for example: I want to live on the country side and I want to be able to have a career in which I can be flexible and steer my working hours in a way that fits me. Now I am at a stage where I have realized parts of my plan, and where I have come to see, that the assessments I made two years ago where in many ways correct. My plan has worked out in many respecs– and I should be happy. Though the fascinating thing is that, I am not.

Because, here I am, having reached my goals, finding out that things are not the way I imagined – and with that I mean – the way I perceived that they would feel. For example, in living on the country side, what I perceive to be amiss in my environment now is ambition and career-driven people. And then further, I feel that the small city which I live close to is to small, not enough people, it is too plain, and boring. Instead of being satisfied, my mind is moving towards a future in one of the bigger cities – something that I have planned to avoid due to the various inconveniences that go with living in a bigger city; such as housing prices, infrastructure, transportation, living costs etc. Hence, I find this development within me fascinating. And what I have realized is that this tendency of wanting what is not here, of seeing that is over there, and the bad that is here, it is a tendency I have had for some time – the inability to settle down and be content with what is here – and thus – work with what is here instead of trying to escape it.

Instead of appreciating what I have and the positive aspects of my reality, what stands out is the negative, what stands out is what I do not have, and what I feel that I should have. And this has been a theme in my life, mostly I have felt that my life is somewhere there, in the future, my life will begin in a year or two, my life will begin when I get over there, and in that process of projection, I miss the life that is HERE. Because I have seen, that it is not so much about WHERE you are, it is about WHO you are – WHO you are determines EVERYTHING. You can live in the most perfect of worlds, and still, if you are not stable and settled within yourself, there will still exist a restlessness deep inside, a want to get out, to experience something different, to not be here, but to get away.

What is then the solution?

The solution is to realize that projections into the future indicates what is amiss in my expression and practical living HERE – and hence – the projection is a coping mechanism – because through projections we are able to feel as if we are some time, some day actually going to reach our goals/dreams/wishes – however – we will not – because that projection only exists in the first place because we are not living that experience as ourselves.

For example, with me, what I now long for is a bustling city, filled with opportunities and momentum – and hence – a place where I can feel challenged and where I still have security and stability – and I also see that my projection contains a touch of fulfillment and completion – it is as if I will only somewhere in my future be able to realize myself as fulfillment – and feel utterly at ease with myself – no longing. Though this is as well an illusion – because fulfillment and completion can never come to me from my outside world – it can never be something that I find out there – instead these are words that I must live – that I must bring to life through living on a moment to moment basis.

Hence, when projections of the future come up, this can be utilized as a support, through asking oneself; what does these projections show me about myself? What is is that I have not created and lived HERE for and as myself that I am still projecting into the future? Thus instead of trying to reach my projection – I can instead bring my projection HERE – and make that desire/want/wish/preference that I see out there – a part of my living reality HERE as how I live – how I stand in thought, word and deed. This is the key to being able to create anything – because suddenly we are not bound by space and time – we are bound by our own initiative, push and drive – and how much we will ourselves to create ourselves.

Day 175: An Addiction To The Unreal

I’m now walking the ACTual process of stopping future projections – and this has lead me to some fascinating insights in regards to exactly what it is that at times makes me go into these projections – even though I’ve decided and committed myself not to do it.

When a projection comes up within me, a future plan, decision, or hope, there is an accompanying intrigue, fascination and urgency to it – the best way to describe the feeling is that unless I go into this projection – unless I take to heart and pursue it – I will MISS out on something. Thus, this is a dimension within myself that currently holds me back from stopping myself completely with this projection point – I feel, believe, and experience that when I am stopping myself – I am missing out on something.

Looking at it in common sense, it’s quite clear that YES – I am missing out on something when I stop my projection – yet: Why would I want to go through and take part in that which the projection has to offer?

I mean, the fascinating aspect of this missing out dimension, is that going into the mind, into the thoughts, the backchat, and the inner dialogue – it doesn’t in-fact have anything of substance and value to offer. For example when I go into a projection about the future, what will happen is that I will go into that state of dreaming, fantasizing, and creating alternate playouts for the future, but in reality – I am just standing still – not aware of my body and my physical environment – and thus not actually alive, breathing, and directing my reality here.

So, yes I miss out on something when I am not going into a projection, but that which I miss out upon is actually not of any value or worth – it’s simply energy, and different variations of pictures – though when I do go into my projections I miss out upon something real and tangible – a moment HERE with and as my physical body – a REAL moment here in this REAL physical world – where I am instead of being physical – directive – present – and here; inside my mind.

Thus, missing out on the fantasies of the mind = no big deal! Missing out on a moment of physical life and living = PROBLEM! Because obviously being here, living, participating, breathing and taking part of the physical actual world – that is what LIFE is – it’s not more or less than that – life is HERE and it’s thus up to me to make the decision to stand one and equal with that life and not accept and allow myself to loose a moment of life through being stuck in my mind.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lure myself into going into these projections and fantasies of the future through the fear of missing out, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the mind, fear letting go of my projections, my anxieties, worries, concerns, and inferiorities that are connected to the future – in fear that I am going to miss out upon something – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that it’s quite obvious that I am going miss out upon something – yet the point to take into consideration is what it is that I am missing out upon, I mean, a projection, a thought, some lines of backchat, is that really what I want from life? I mean – there is obviously more, such as a real physical breath here with and as my human physical body – and that is something I miss out upon when and as I accept and allow myself to go into my mind and start projection and creating future scenarios between my ears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how when I go into my mind – when I follow a projection and go up in my mind and start thinking, worrying, considering, and feeling the future – I am in-fact compromising and belittling my moment here with and as my human physical body, and I’m instead of living, actually participating and being a one and equal force in this physical world – existing in my mind – in a state of suspension – in a state of death – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to bring myself back here in every breath – to bring myself back HERE in every moment – to make the decision to not miss out on a single physical moment here – and realize that this is what matters – the physical is real – that is the point that I don’t want to miss out upon whereas my mind is simply energy – a round-and-round machine that doesn’t lead anywhere – and thus not of any value to exist within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid and worried of letting my projections, and future scenarios go, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, that if I let my projections and future scenarios go, I am going to loose myself, and I am not going to know what to do with, and how to walk into my future, and how to direct my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust, as to how I am to live, how I am to direct my life, how I am to move myself, into my projections, into fantasies, into fear-experiences, into anxiety, believing that I need something more – something additional in order for me to trust myself and make the decision to move myself in my life – walk through my life and create myself here in this physical world and existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and realize that I don’t require and need fantasies, projections, and fear, and anxiety in order to move myself, in order to establish a plan for myself, and then move according to this plan – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, and fear letting go of my projections and fantasies, in the fear of being here with myself, in the fear of standing alone in this world, and being alone in this world, taking full responsibility for my life, wherein I am not anymore able to blame my thoughts, my fantasies, my projections for how I move and direct myself through my life, because it’s all me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to take responsibility – to stand as that point within my life and world as not accepting and allowing myself to be split within me – not accepting and allowing myself to be a house divided against itself – and instead push myself to exist HERE – whole – complete and full in every moment of breath – with all my attention and presence being HERE in this moment and in this breath and not spread, divided and compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am going into my mind, and I start to think of the future, I am missing a physical moment here with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that gift that I am able to give to myself through actually accepting and allowing myself to let go of, and push through this tendency and habit of mine, to go into my mind, and to become mesmerized by projections, fantasies, and thoughts, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to be diligent and to be decisive and to immediately as these projections come up – say no – and push through that experience of missing out – and say to myself that I am not missing out upon anything – and that I am really missing out upon something through not accepting and allowing myself to be grounded – stabilized – HERE – with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop my future projections, thinking that my future projections are giving me something that I can’t create and establish for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through future projections emulate the experience of movement – the experience of creation – the experience of challenging myself and pushing myself forward – wherein I will through creating these future projections almost feel as if I am there already – while I am not in-fact – thus fooling myself in believing that I am pushing myself and enhancing myself – and getting ahead – instead of realizing that I am just here – but in my mind thinking about things – and thus I commit myself to re-align this movement to expand – this push to establish and refine myself – and become more effective – as a actual physical and direct expression here – and thus make sure that I each day remain here and physical push myself to expand – to widen – to get out there and to actually make something effective – and worthwhile of myself on a physical actual practical level here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the life is to be lived in moments – that life is to be directed and walked in moments – that life is not supposed to be systematized and built to pursue and realize a purpose of some form – because life is HERE – and thus the same goes with this process – and the same goes with my life – that I will not be able to effectively live if I am constantly somewhere in the future – somewhere ahead in time – somewhere out there that is not actually HERE – and thus I see realize, and understand – that in order to live fully – and order to live completely – I require to let go of my mind and my projections and embrace the HERE – this moment HERE – and walk my process and my life on a physical moment to moment basis – because from HERE I will be able to make sound and effective assessments of my world and accordingly effective decisions

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into future projections in my mind, and I don’t want to stop, or bring myself back here, because I feel that I would then be missing out upon something, I breathe, and I state within me that, I will not miss out on anything, because I will gain the physical – a physical real moment of living here – something that is of substance that is a place in existence wherein I have the power and ability to affect change – and make a difference for myself – and thus I commit myself to bring myself back here – and live here – and walk with the physical – and push myself through my tendency and addiction to go into future projections and experiences in my mind

Day 174: What Are My Projections Telling Me About Myself?

I’ve been applying and walking this point of stopping projections and fears coming up in relation to possible future outflows and events – I’ve found that it’s difficult to stop myself and I see that there are dimensions of this point that I have not yet covered and walked through.

So, this dimension opened up when I discussed my projections with my future – she asked me: “How would you then feel within yourself if you manage to create your projections and make them real, what is that you see would come down the line?”

When I looked at this point, I could see that the primary reason wasn’t so much that it was practical, and it wasn’t so much about fear either, instead I could see that my projection and goal represented an experience and a certain presence – and primarily I saw that it had to do with certainty, self-trust, fulfillment and peace – being at ease with myself. Because when I answered the question, I said that: “fulfilling these plans would make me more comfortable and at ease with myself!” – so, obviously I realize that the point I am facing here is not that the projections are bad or wrong – instead these projections are consistently showing me that there is something I am not giving to myself in my daily living; namely being certain and at peace with myself – an existence free from uncertainty, worry and doubt.

Thus, I realize that my corrective application must contain this dimension of inserting a new programming, a new way of living, and this is something I must create and build for myself in my daily living – and apply myself as these words consistently and with discipline – certainty, self-trust and fulfillment – and thus resulting in me experiencing myself peaceful here.

In this blog I am going to walk through define my correction for myself – as well as forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live these words in my daily life – the primary point here is to find physical corrections that I will be able to apply in my daily life so that I can actually direct and change this point.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my future projections are showing my parts of myself that I am not yet living and standing as in my daily life and daily living – that they are showing me the potential that I have here and that I am able to create in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fulfill my potential through practicing living certainty, fulfillment, self-trust in every moment of breath – living and applying these words for real as actually trusting myself that regardless of what might come and arise in my world I will direct and I will move the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must physically change and direct myself to live self-certainty, which I must do through actually changing my thought patterns, my way of reasoning, and my way of looking at things, to instead of being based within and as fear, anxiety and inferiority, that I am looking at things, looking at my future within and as self-confidence, self-certainty, and self-trust, that I look at it from the starting point that I don’t fear walking into the unknown, that I don’t fear making mistakes, that I don’t fear fucking up – but that I instead trust myself, and direct myself to walk, and do what must be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my future from a starting point of fear and inadequacy – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to look at things in my mind from within and as a starting point that “I won’t be able to do this” – and “I can’t handle this” – and thus within this make all of these subordinated plans and escape routes for IF everything goes to hell – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead trust myself – and rely upon myself that IF everything goes to hell – I will deal with it – I will direct it – and I will move and sort out the point and not accept and allow myself to go into inferiority and feeling less than – I will instead direct and move the point and not accept and allow myself to fall together and give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, anxiety, and worry towards the future – and within this make decisions, and look at my future from a starting point of inadequacy, and from a starting point of “I won’t make it” – and “I will not be able to deal with this and walk it through effectively” – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and stabilize myself here – and ask myself: If I remove all of the fear – all of the what if’s – all of the maybe’s – all of the nervousness – then what would be the most common sense decision that is best for all – what would be serve me and those that are in my reality?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice making decisions and moving myself into my future from a starting point of and as self-trust, self-certainty, and stability – knowing that whatever outflow – whatever consequence – whatever might develop and come out of my decisions – I will stand – I will move myself – and I will get things done – and I will not stop and hold back – and give up until I am through and I’ve stabilized myself and directed the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my future from within and a starting point of everything will work out perfectly – versus – everything will completely go to hell and not work whatsoever – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my participation – and instead of moving and directing myself in self-certainty – move myself from within and as a starting point of wanting to create a solution that will somewhat work for me – that will be somewhat effective – IF something will come up and emerge in my world that I have not control and power over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and motivate myself – and make decisions from within and as a fear of the future – and believe that the best decisions will come from within and as me making a decision that is based on fear – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am completely limited and withheld from making a decision that would contribute to my existence – as well as the existence of others – and that the best I can do in my life is to make sure that I survive and that I get through my day unharmed – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a decision to push and walk in my life not only for myself – but for everyone – and push myself to make the best out of my life – not from a starting point of fear – but from within and as a starting point of creating my life and living to be what is best for all – to be superb – to be the best that it can be – wherein I don’t accept and allow compromises in order to satisfy my fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I remove fear – my way of looking at and moving myself into the future is going to change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally ask myself – what is the best direction – what is the best movement – what is the best thing that I am able to do with myself during this coming time – what is it that I require to do – what is that I want to do? What is that I want to contribute? What is it that I want to create? And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not able to answer these questions through holding unto fear and anxiety – but that instead I must stand as self-certainty, self-will and self-motivation – and walk myself into my life and build – create – and establish my life – not from a starting point fear or anxiety – but from a starting point of creating a life for myself as well as others that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at my future from a starting point of common sense – to remove the fear and to go into a silence within myself and look at the potential outflows – the potential points that might arise – the potential direction and possibilities and within this remove all fear and anxiety – remove nervousness – removing feeling less than and inferior and instead bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and stand stable – certain and self-willed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the main-problem and issue that I am facing is not what decisions I am to make for my future – it’s rather WHO I AM within and as these decisions – WHO I AM within and as my human physical body – WHO I AM within and my daily living – and I see, realize and understand that I must make a plan – that fits into my general direction and Desteni that I am creating for myself – and then stick with this plan and walk it through – and not accept and allow my plan to be based upon fear and anxiety – but rather base my plan upon common sense as what I see makes sense and will produce an effective outcome for my future life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience as if there is something missing within me and my life – as if there is something in my general movement and participation that is lacking – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think – perceive and believe that I must make up for this through becoming someone else – through building skills and achieving great marks and becoming ranked as being one of the absolute best – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming seen as one of the absolute least effective – being regarded as having no value and no meaning and no purpose – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from a starting point of protecting myself from the future and from this eventual play-out of becoming nothing at all – of being nobody at all – of loosing myself and being considered a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I look at my future, to look at it from within and a starting point of energy, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when I look at a point from within this starting point, I am limiting my perspective, and my view of the point to only see some aspects, and some dimensions, and I don’t see the entirety, and I don’t see how it will influence and affect all of my life – all of my world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the reasons as to why I don’t experience certainty, and self-trust, and live these words as myself – is because I don’t accept and allow myself to look at the entirety and the complete picture of my world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to look at all aspects and dimensions of a point when I make a decision – so that I am certain as to what I am creating for myself and whether what I am creating is actually something that I can stand by and that I do want to create and bring into my life and bring into creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that self-trust and self-certainty arises from me taking responsibility for my life and giving myself direction – and being clear upon what is that I want to create – what is that I want to build and what it is that I want to formulate in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not go into fear, and build my life from fear, but instead look at common sense, look at what I am able to do, and how I am able to form and shape my life in order to make a difference not only for myself but for others in my life – and thus I commit myself to make this my goal and direction in life – to make a difference not only for myself but also for others – to create solutions that are best for all – and to measure my decisions – to measure my applications – to measure my life from this starting point – where is it that I am able to have an impact – and how am I able to bring forth and integrate such an impact in my life and make it a living reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to live and participate from within and as self-certainty and self-trust – and I see, realize and understand that the one point that I require to create and live for myself is trusting myself and that I will direct my life – and create my life – and build my life – regardless of what – regardless of what consequences – regardless of what happens – I will stand – stabilize myself – and find solutions – and thus I commit myself to practice this point of living the wordBe still and know that I am god” – and push myself to find solutions – to find ways to get through and move myself – and define solutions for myself – define ways in which I am able to formulate solutions that will work for everyone and that will birth outflows that will have an effect upon everyone that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto memories of my past of me failing within certain subjects in school, and in that hearing the voices of my parents saying to me that if I fail with my school I will fail with my life, and I will not able to make anything of myself, and my life, and my world, and my reality will come to nothing whatsoever – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear – to go into anxiety – worry and nervousness – and build my life from this fear that my life might come to nothing – that my life might end up being worthless and without purpose – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead insert and live the direction of myself in my life of living in every moment – of being here within and as breath – of having a plan because it’s practical yet not becoming possessed with and controlled by that plan but realizing that life is HERE – that life must walked – lived and created on a moment to moment basis – and that I will never be able to with certainty know and predict exactly how everything will come to pass – instead this is something that I must walk in every moment – and my process will unfold on a breath per breath basis – and thus I commit myself to walk this point of unfolding my process and my life on a breath per breath basis – of having a plan but not being controlled and possessed with the plan – of having a goal but not being possessed with the goal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that clarity, and direction, and movement, and knowing who I am, where I will go, what I will create, and what I will manifest in this life, will only arise, and come through when and as I let go of fear – when and as I stop fear and bring myself back here and instead of existing in a constant stress and tension towards my future – that I instead direct – move and live myself into creation in every moment of breath; and thus I commit myself to practice this point for the coming week – of sticking with my plans – walking with them – and only changing them or re-directing them when and as it’s not anymore possible or relevant to follow through on them – and then if that occurs look at my world – change – yet not accept and allow this to change who I am – because I am not my plan – the plan is but a plan and not who I am – as I am here as the breath of life in every moment of breath

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into fear of the future, into this point of creating a plan for myself in the hopes of finding certainty, stability and trust somewhere out there in a distant and far out projected future – I immediately stop myself, I breathe and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to stop the fear, to stop the projection – and to support myself in this – I commit myself to practice living self-trust here – to practice living and directing my life in the moment HERE – and not anymore rely upon fear, imaginations, projections, worries and anxieties to move myself – but instead to move myself HERE – to direct myself HERE

I commit myself to align my future to exist within and as – and from the starting point of creating a difference for everyone – and thus take the world – humanity – everyone into consideration in regards to my future decisions – and as such not anymore be possessed and controlled within and as this personal self-interest and the fears involved in not being able to fulfill my self-interest – thus I commit myself to expand my sphere of influence to as such extend to this world – nature – my partner – my cats – the group I am walking with – and thus change the ME to being a WE – and deliberately push this point through changing my thinking patterns and the way I look at things – to involve more dimensions – more aspects – more outflows – more consequences – and learn to see how one decision will ripple throughout this world and what that one decision will create

Day 173: Trusting Myself Whatever May Come

I am continuing walking what I began in my last blog – and it’s in relation to the topic of fear and worry towards the future, and specifically one dimension that contributes to creating this point – which is the lack of self-trust.

In my last blog I showed through walking a mind-construct the fascinating nature of fear, where the interesting aspect of this energy is that it trigger me to search for a solution – a way out of the fear – yet that point will also exist within the nature of fear – and thus what happens is that there is a fear roundabout – where solutions are created to sooth the fear, and because those solutions are based on fear, more fear-solutions are required to sooth the new fear – and so this point accumulates, and more, and more so-called solutions are created in order to avoid the initial fear.

Obviously, there is much easier way to deal with this – and that is to forgive the fear – to understand the fear – to walk into the belly of the beast and investigate the fear and what it actually consists out of.

So, let’s again look at my thoughts more closely – what is the nature of my thoughts?

I can see that one aspect of the thoughts is the fear of making a mistake, and if I make a mistake, I will found out to late, and then I am going to have to face the consequences of my decision, which will be uncomfortable and unsafe. The inner projection goes something like this: I see myself in the future, I notice that I haven’t effectively planned my way into the future, and that my life is not taking on the shape and form that I hoped for, I then go into fear, and think that, I shouldn’t have made that decision à which in real time causes me to go into conflict about a particular fear-solution that I’ve established in my mind.

Really, what is that I am able to learn from this entire carousel?

Well, the most basic insight is that decisions shouldn’t ever be based upon fear, ever, and the simple reason for this being that it doesn’t produce very effective decisions, because one tend become paranoid, and create all types and forms of events, and failures in one’s mind before one have even begun to walk the point in physical reality, which is obviously very fascinating – thus – in order to for real establish a solution for the future – the first point that must be settled once for all is the fear – there can’t be any fear if there is to be an effective movement into the unknown.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to create solutions for me fear, through creating more future projections, not realizing that these are also based upon fear, and that the origin point isn’t dealt with, the origin point being lack of self-trust, lack of self-reliance, a belief that regardless of what I do, I am going to fail, and the worst possible scenarios will come my way, and be in my way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that first and foremost, before any decisions are made, I first require to deal with my fears – I first require to establish that self-trust in me – that regardless of what might come – I will walk into the future and direct the future and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or manipulated by fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in relation to the future, to trust myself that when I walk into the future, I will stick to my breath, and my physical direct application here, and I will move myself through any challenge, and any difficult, and I will create my life as what is best for all – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, within and as this state of constant protectionism, a constant state of preparation, wherein I am preparing myself for the worst, and attempting and trying to find countermeasures, and ways in which I will be able to save myself from the fears that arise in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I think, the more I polarize my life, and the more fear I create – the more hopes, and desires – the more fears – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution here is to let go of my fears and anxieties – and walk into my future with a straight back and not accept and allow myself to look back in despair and worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this fear I am generating in my mind, comes from this idea and belief that I can’t trust myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state within myself, that I am not able to trust myself, that I am not able to rely upon myself, that I am not able to walk into the future, because I am not effective in my movement, direction, and functionality – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of developing self-trust, and self-reliance, and seeing that I am able to walk into the future and deal with any point that comes my way – to instead place my trust in fear, and anxiety, and see and believe that these points are my haven, that they are my security, and that without anxiety, and stress, and fear – I won’t be able to walk into and create a life for myself in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of trusting myself – trust fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when and as fear comes up immediately step in – and state within me that I don’t require this fear anymore – because I stand as my own point of self-trust – thus I will walk with myself into the future and I will stand by myself and make sure that I get done what is required to be done – and thus this fear is no longer required or necessary – I instead stand as this point of self-support and self-assistance in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as fear of the future, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the so-called solutions I come up with in my mind are actually but more fear, wherein I create another scenario of fear in my mind, and generate even more fear, and within this I see, realize and understand that the solution is not more fear – the solution is not more anxiety – the solution is not more thinking – the solution is slowing down – and specifically forgiving all of these fears, and not anymore giving attention to, and accepting and allowing myself to become self-obsessed and possessed within and as these fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I must do more courses the next semester, from a fear that unless I do so, I won’t get a job, and within this create fear, that if I do more courses, I will get a less effective grade on what I am doing, and then this will contribute to me not getting a job, and getting my hands on money – and thus I realize that the origin point is not the studies, is not my education – I mean that’s simply a practical point of consideration – what is the origin point is FEAR – and the lack of self-trust that I will be able to stand up and walk into and direct myself in my world – and face the challenges that might arise in my world and walk through them – and direct them – and not accept and allow myself to waver and hold back within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to walk through my fears, and to stop my fears, and realize that this is a point that I’ve not yet completely lived and applied, the point of actually, in-fact stopping myself in the moments when I notice I want to go into and think about my future, and start planning my future, and attempt to avoid some form of fearful outflow that I imagine for myself where my life will be without meaning, without purpose, and I will not be able to deal with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to make each day a fear stopping day – and fear forgiveness day – where I forgive each fear that comes up within my mind immediately – and then I stop myself from venturing further into thoughts of fear – and I bring myself back HERE – and I participate – interact and live HERE

Self-commitments

Thus – today is my fear stopping day – and I commit myself to live this application through stopping future projections, stopping myself from following thoughts that I know are triggered by anxiety or fear, and forgiving the fears when they arise within me

Thus I commit myself to bring my trust back to myself here through letting go of the projections, through letting go of the fear, and inserting a new program – that is self-trust and self-reliance HERE – and I commit myself to live and apply through making sure that I take responsibility for and direct my life in any given moment – and that I live HERE – and that I plan my future and walk into my future from a starting point of HERE as what is best for all – as what will produce the best possible outcome for everyone involved – and thus I commit myself to insert this point into my daily life and living and not anymore accept and allow myself to be obsessed and possessed with fear

Day 85: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Lately I’ve been having some very specific reactions of anger in relation to certain peoples in my world. Thus, here in this blog I am going to investigate this reaction, to see how it is that I’ve created this reaction within me, and to also let it go through applying self-forgiveness, and committing myself to not anymore re-create this particular point.

Let’s get into it: the context of this reaction is that a particular person in my world, and here understand that it’s irrelevant who this person is, because it’s not about that other person, the reaction is a outflow consequence of my relationship with myself – thus the focus is me and not the other person – let’s continue: this particular person in my world acts in a way that I perceive as being disrespectful, inconsiderate, and laconic – I perceive that this person is getting a free ride on work that I am doing, when he/she is well enough capable of putting down his weight behind the carriage as well.

The primary point of the reaction is that I feel I am doing more, I am giving it my all, I am pushing the point, but this other person doesn’t.

Then comes the question, why does this make me angry, and frustrated? Is it possibly as such that I am doing exactly the same as what I perceive this person to be doing? Is it possibly as such that I am doing the least possible amount of work in certain areas of my life, just the same as what I perceive this other person to be doing?

In relation to my writings I’d like to, before I continue, interject a small notification here in relation to how I am writing out this point, observe how I am utilizing the word “perceive” when I describe what I feel in relation to this other person. This is a very specific choice of words, because within this I am in-fact making the statement that I actually don’t know what the other person is doing, and that it’s really not relevant, because what is relevant is my relationship with myself, and the reaction that is coming up within me, thus I use the word “perceive” the assist and support myself to bring back the point to myself, and make sure there is no room for blame that can rob me of my moment of transcendence.

Thus, continuing – now the cool part about life, living, and how I experience myself within that, is that EVERYTHING is a mirror reflection of myself; thus when I experience any form of reaction towards any point in this world, this ALWAYS says something about my relationship with myself. In regards to anger, the specific point that such a reaction usually tends to mirror, is that I am doing something that I don’t want to admit that I am doing, and then I am pushing this unto another so that I won’t have to deal with it.

The pertinent question is thus, am I laconic somewhere in my world? Do I give the least amount of effort somewhere in my world? Do I enjoy a free ride on others somewhere in my world? Here I am able to see that, yes, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to do this in regards to certain work-responsibilities, wherein I’ve known that I require to give more effort, time, and participate more with my work to get the results I want, but I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to do so, because I’ve rather valued entertainment, and my hobbies as being more important.

The solution is thus to correct this particular point within me, to learn to prioritize, and to make room for my hobbies, and some entertainment each day, yet not accept and allow this point to be walked at the expense of my commitments, and my responsibilities, that obviously must come first, because they are important, have a real factual impact not only in my life, but in the life’s of others, and thus it’s important that I walk such points to the fullest of my abilities, and not accept and allow myself to compromise such points, because I am not prioritizing my time effectively.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the simple point of walking my commitments and responsibilities first, and then when I am done with these, accepting and allowing myself to enjoy entertainment, and my hobbies, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest, and self-disciplined in terms of prioritizing my time, wherein I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise my responsibilities, and my commitments in order to get to walk my interests, and my hobbies, and to feel, and become entertained, and within that missing the important point, that my responsibilities, and commitments obviously come before me feeling entertained, and me being able to dive into my hobbies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest in prioritizing my time during my day according to my commitments, and responsibilities, to as such make sure that I am not creating any form of consequence in my world, through not pushing myself to remain self-honest, and walk with, and work with that which is in-fact important; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that the slight guilt, and discomfort that I’ve experienced, as I’ve allowed myself to immerse myself into and as my hobbies, and interest, that this experience is specific, and is in-fact a signal to myself that I am not effectively prioritizing my time, but instead giving into my desires, and wants, instead of looking what is required to be done and acting accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am really very aware within myself of when I am compromising my responsibilities, and commitments, but that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to recognize, and understand the fact that I am aware, and that this awareness of what I am doing takes form in a experience of discomfort, and guilt; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stand, and walk in and as self-honesty in regards to my commitments, and my responsibilities in life, and as such make sure that I am first tending to points that must be walked, that must be finished, to must be taken into and as a practical solution, and then when I am doing with such points, I walk what I desire, what I want, such as my hobbies and interests; and within this I see, realize, and understand that this is the only way to walk my life that will not produce aversive consequences for myself, or anyone else in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I can’t run away from myself, and that there is in-fact such a thing as integrity, and that I know when I do not stand equal to integrity within myself, and I know when I do not act, and I do not live, and I do not make decisions in consideration of what is best for all, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and push myself to align myself with and as integrity in every moment of breath, wherein a part of this would be that I prioritize my time according to what must be done, and is required to be done, and not according to what I feel like doing, what I desire to do, and what I experience would be the most fulfilling to do – but that I instead look at my world, and my reality practically, and accordingly make a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there is no such thing as being able to go against what I know is best for all without consequence, I mean the consequence is always accumulating and the proof of this is that I become angry and frustrated when and as I do not act, and walk within and as what I know is best for all, and what I know is support, and assisting, for not only myself, but my world as a whole; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself within and as the principle of life, as giving as I’d like to receive, and walking this through amongst other things, prioritizing my time – and making sure that I first get to walk my commitments, and my responsibilities, and when I am done with these, that I then accept and allow myself to get into that which I find enjoyable as my hobbies, and interests

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all it takes for me to change this point, is that I change my perspective on living, and that I instead of just looking at my feelings as I make decisions, look at the practical outflows of the decisions; and within this it’s obvious common sense that the practical outflow of not accepting and allowing myself to stick with, and walk with my commitments, and my responsibilities, is that I am going to compromise my commitments, and responsibilities, and that I won’t be able to get the results that I want to have, and that I see is best for me, as well as best for my world as a whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contaminate my decision making skills, and abilities, through accepting and allowing myself to look at decisions, to look at my commitments, and my responsibilities, and the time I’ve through-out my day, through and as energy, as experience, instead of looking at what is practical, what is required to be done, what must be done, and how I am able to walk this particular point in a way that will be assisting, and supporting for all, and that will bring through this point of growth in my world, not only for me, but for all as one as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity of changing this point, and that it’s all about making a decision, that I will simply not do that which I desire, want, and like to do first, but that I will do that which is required to be done, which is needed to be done, which is a practical responsibility that can’t be pushed away, first – and then when I am doing with that – I will accept and allow myself to give myself some time to do what I enjoy as my interests and hobbies; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice structuring my time, structuring my day, and making sure that I walk my day physically, practically, here, and not through experience

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a desire, of wanting to do what I enjoy, like, and find pleasure in doing, even though I have responsibilities, and commitments are still required to be walked, and sorted out; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am compromising myself, and my relationship with myself, when I don’t stick to walking, and push my commitments, and responsibilities, as the points that must be walked, before I allow myself to take time to immerse myself into interests, and hobbies; as such I commit myself to make the simple decision to not follow this desire, and this energy – but instead first do what I require to do, what must be done – as my commitments, and my responsibilities, and when I am doing with that – to then do that which I like to do, and that which I have as a hobby; thus first – responsibility – then play and games

When and as I see that I am becoming angry, and frustrated at others for feeling that they are not taking care, and handling their responsibilities effectively, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me reflecting me back to myself, and that I am really seeing myself, and that thus I require to look into my world, and see how it is that I am doing the same, compromising my responsibilities, and commitments, in favor of experience; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here – and to change myself, and walk my responsibilities, and commitments first – to get these done – and then walk what I’d like to do

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