Tag Archives: projection

Day 433: Stopping Groundhog Day

Groundhog day was a movie made somewhere in the nineties about a person trapped in a day that was repeating into infinity. He fell asleep only to wake up to the exact same scenario. Even though I am not trapped in such a reality – it does sometimes feel like life is similar to groundhog day – and that can be frustrating.

When I sit down to look at this point however, I can see that there is one pattern in particular that keeps me trapped in Groundhog day mode – and that is my tendency to remain in my comfort zones – that – and not pushing myself more to change limiting behavioral patterns. Because even though my reality is pretty much on repeat, wake up, work, go home, sleep, wake up, work, go home, sleep – that does not mean that I have to be on repeat. And there are a couple of things about myself that I accept and allow to be on repeat – that creates this experience of groundhog day.

The two most important aspects of myself that I require to change to get myself out of this rut is my relationship to money, that I still accept and allow to be defined by fear and my movement outwards socially – which is something I tend to compromise due to thinking that it is not important or relevant. However – social interaction and creating new and deepening already existing relationships is one of those things that creates a deep sense of value within me that goes beyond the normal everyday rut. The effect is similar to when I sit down and write like this. My relationship to myself is strengthened and I am able see more and with greater clarity. Thus – those two aspects of my life is something that I want to push and expand. And even though this reality is pretty much locked and defined into limited contexts, there are always room to bond and create new connections – especially since the introduction of social media.

The third aspect that I see is important to bring myself out of groundhog day-mode is to actively work with what comes up within me. Because many times this illusion of ‘same, same, same’ is created by having the same experiences, not necessarily because going through the same kind of situation. In-fact, the situation can be entirely new, however because we interpret it based on our memories, and activate old, repeated experiences connected to those memories, we completely miss the essence of the moment – and we can even believe that the moment is about something different. This is how we live out our memories – again, again, and again – and why time seems to move faster with age. We are full with information – we are all the time engaging and experiencing old memories and never really interact for real with reality – thus we just experience the past repeating. When we were children, we still had room within us to store information, and room/presence to experience reality without relating it to a memory, which made life so much more real.

I can for example remember summer breaks as a child. The time moved slowly. And even though I was not necessarily doing new things every day, there was a appreciation, love and contentedness present that made me see something new in every moment. That is an ability that I have lost as an adult and that I am now working at re-creating – and understanding how I was able to live in such a way as a child and how come I lost it. And my assessment at the moment is that one of the primary reasons is that as a child I did not have memories – I did not associate one moment to another – they were all new and fresh moments that I walked into with fresh and open eyes. And obviously, that was a far superior way of living compared to how us adults live.

Though the problem with children is that they are simply given the ability to live in this way – hence they do not understand how it is created – and that is where I am at the moment – in the process of understanding how to live in every moment without defining it according to my past. And in many ways I have already learnt how to do it – I understand how presence is created and maintained – though – there are still points that I need to push to get back to a sensible state of being.


Day 431: Jumping Off The Stress-Train

I have been working with anxiety/fear/projections last week. I have realized that the key to stopping anxiety/fear/projections is to stop the train of thought and bring it back here. The emotions need thoughts to become fired up – they need some image or vision of something going to shit – and by not going there – the emotions remain small and easy to direct.

The solution is simple – the application can be tough – because it is easy to go into that train of thought and the justification is usually that it is somehow needed for me to protect/prepare myself. However – that is the illusion – that feeling of need – because there is really no need to think of anything – it does not make things better or worse. Thinking about things just perpetuates a state of feeling. For example – if I have a test I need to prepare for – thinking about the test will perpetuate a state of stress/tension and it will not increase my chances of passing the exam. The only thing that will increase my chances of that is actually sitting down and studying. And that action is not itself associated with anxiety/tension – it is simply what it is – sitting down and studying.

The same goes with the test – it is what it is – me sitting down doing a test. Though when we think about it – that is when the demons start coming out of the woodwork. Suddenly the test seems to be too big, and there seems to be a grave shortage of time. What to do, what to do? The stress starts seeping into every cell of the body and corrupts every moment with a foggy state of being half alive and half zombie. That is no way to live – that is survival – and why even be here if it is only to survive? We are meant to be and do more than that. Life is about exploration, experience, expansion and movement – it is about finding out what we are all about and the difference we can make. And to get into that zone of expression – we must drop the thinking – it is only holding us back.

I have understood that in order to stop feeding the stress-demon – I must be consistent in my STOP-application. The train of thoughts leading me down into the rabbit hole will move again and again – and each of them will try to lure me away on a small trip to stress-land. Each train will have its own unique attraction – something that creates that desire to jump on and find out where it is going. When that desire arise, that is the moment to step in, take a breath, and hold the reigns. Because if I go into that desire, I will start feeding the monster – and soon enough – I will yet again be engulfed in an experience and not able to live and experience each waking moment with the presence and clarity that it deserves.

The interesting thing about stress is that we believe we need it. We have created this idea that we need competition, we need to fight for our survival, struggle, or exist in austerity and lack in order to get going – and hence – we created capitalism in our image and likeness. Capitalism which is the very essence of the struggle to survive and the glorification of the winner at the peril of the loser. And we believe that we get some many fantastic things out of capitalism; advances in technology, creature comforts, more and better food – though what is growing inside of everyone is the tension/anxiety/fear – the understanding that in a capitalistic world no one really matters.

We do not need stress or fear to create awesome things. We do not need these demons to push us forward – we can do that by ourselves. All we need is our common sense – and our body will take care of the movement. Thus – I will continue to embrace and live a life-oriented living where I focus on the creation and enjoyment of living instead of living with fear/stress.


Day 383: Projections and Imaginations

I find it easy to become distracted by material things. For a while I have becoming increasingly enthusiastic, and equally anxious about changing/altering/refining certain parts of my living quarters. From being an innocent hobby, it has escalated, and moved, and now, I am basically daily imagining and fantasizing about new projects. The problem is that it is done, usually, from a starting point of anxiety, from a starting point of lack, where I perceive that there is something amiss in my life at the moment, and that I desperately need to direct/change/alter the point in order to streamline my life. Hence, the problem is not the actual changes, alterations I want to make, the problem is WHO I AM. I see this experience as symptomatic – and fact is that I suspect it actually originates in a different part of my life – and that it then moves itself into for example the dimension of my life where I deal with hobbies.

Thus – the problem I would say – the actual deep rooted problem – is my habit of approaching things from within and as a starting point of lack/anxiety – because if I would have not done that – then the projects I see around my home would simply have been that – projects – that I might or might not get to one day that does not change WHO I AM in anyway what-so-ever. That is the point that I want to get to. Because I do not want to distract myself, and exist in this state of continuous fear/lack/anxiety that I am missing something, or that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing. I will thus push myself to live the word abundance – to embrace the abundance that is all around me in my life in the form of the physical with all its various expressions – nature, breathing, sensations, physical relationships, I mean there is so much to be aware of and discover, that disappears when I accept and allow my mind to be cluttered by anxiety/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on new projects in my mind, and then become stressed when I notice that I do not have the time to fulfill/walk them completely, and then become stressed and anxious, because I still try to walk and complete them – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this behavior – to not question why I feel that need and urge to continue walking and pushing myself to complete and fulfill a particular point even though I notice there is not enough time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with taking on and moving new points into and as a form of fulfillment and completion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to make my environment, my life, and my world seem perfect, and then create, and form all of these projects in my mind that I perceive I have to get to and finish for my life, and world to become what I want it to become, instead of remaining stable, and questioning this way of approaching life, questioning, why the hell I get this experience within me, and why I feel there is such a shortage of time, and why I require, or feel the requirement, and need to push myself so severely, and harshly, to ‘get by’ and ‘make it’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with achieving perfection in my outside world and reality – not seeing, realizing and understanding how this is literally a distraction – something that captures the attention of my mind – a point that I get focused and hooked upon – where I then lose touch and connection with reality because all of myself – all of my mind – is caught up in this state and experience of wanting to achieve perfection – picture perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to achieve material perfection through altering and changing my life to make sure that all parts of it works – and is perfect – that there is no flow – no mistake – nothing in my life that in anyway gives away that there is a problem and difficulty in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this way of becoming obsessed with the material side of my world as a way to escape and distract myself from walking my inner process of self-change and movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what this tendency is showing to me – is that I too serious within myself when it comes to material success in this world – and that I am accepting and allowing myself to be all too possessed with making sure that I acquire material success and notoriety – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and smell the roses – to push myself to walk in the moment and not be so serious and determined to reach some kind of future that is not even here – to reach a future that I am not even able to at this moment clarify to myself exactly where it is that I am going and why

When and as I see myself going into a imagination, looking at, projecting myself into the future, from a starting point of lack/anxiety/fear – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not realistic – it is based on a idea of lack and that I have to fight/move/push hard in order to stabilize my value and get to a point of equality – instead of embracing my equality HERE – embracing the abundance that is HERE – seeing, realizing and understanding that I do not need nor do I require to accept and allow myself to limit who I am according to what I am able to produce and build, create, in the external – and thus I commit myself to breathe – to let go of material possessions and the anxiety/fear related to these – and I commit myself to live abundance within and as every moment of breath – to use each moment to integrate and stand with and as my human physical body – and the abundance that is HERE

 


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Day 361: Experiencing Real Life Versus Walking Process

With process, I have noticed that it can be easy to create a rift between on the one hand walking process and on the other hand, enjoying and living a fulfilling life – where the belief that is created is that these two points are mutually exclusive. In the beginning of my process, this rift was more pronounced, however as I have continued to walk my process, what I have begun to do is to INTEGRATE my process into my DAILY LIVING.

What I have seen is the following: There are certain tools that must be used to walk process effectively, among these we find writing self to freedom, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements. In that way, process is confined to certain physical positions and movements. We must either sit behind a computer or with pen and paper in order to write, and sounding self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements, that usually requires that we are in alone. Those are the only parts of process that are bound to a certain time and space – because the REAL CHANGE process – that is walked IN daily life.

Thus, it does not make sense to separate walking process from living within and participating in our daily routines, walking our hobbies, interacting with friends, traveling, exploring, and experiencing the various opportunities of expansion that exists within life. Process should be a part of life. What I have seen, realized and understood is that if there is a sense of resistance/discomfort towards process, and feeling in a way, trapped by challenge that process represents, then there is a separation between walking process and the rest of our life – and the solution thus is to integrate process into all parts of our life.

Integrating process into our lives is simple, yet it requires us to be aware, ready and present – and open to challenge ourselves and how we have decided to live. This way of looking at and approaching process can open up new worlds to explore. For example, going to work, such a menial point, mostly seen as something undesirable, can become a way to get to know self and expand. It is thus all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – not about what we do.

This also relates closely with the point of future obsession and how it can be easy to get stuck in projections of the future and loose touch with the present. In-fact, it is not that important what we decide to do, what is important is WHO WE ARE – what we decide to do and who we decide to be within ourselves. Process, self-creation, self-expansion, and moving beyond what we considered possible for ourselves can thus be a integral part of all areas of our lives – and that is also the solution to stop separation – to stop the constant experience of conflict and separation that other wise reigns within us as we try to reach and attain the most luscious pasture that we can graze.

Thus, walking process is never something that is easy. It requires effort, dedication, diligence and movement – HOWEVER – we do not have to limit process to only certain actions and parts of our lives. Rather, process should be HERE regardless of where we are at, with process meaning that we at any given moment strive to improve, further, drive, and move ourselves to become MORE, BETTER and reach our utmost POTENTIAL.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my future, my purpose, my direction very, very seriously, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about life HERE, and that it is never about what I do, it is about WHO I AM – and that I can do all the apparent right things yet never move an inch within myself – because I have not actually moved WITHIN myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring my attention/focus/direction back HERE to myself – and place my attention on WHO I AM – place my attention on self-development – self-creation – and self-expansion in every moment of breath – to look at my daily living and see the obvious points of expansion that I can take on and begin to push those

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that a consequence of placing attention on the future, of creating conflict in relation to the future, conflict in relation to what I should become, how I should be, how I will experience myself in the future, is that I will loose touch with the physical HERE – loose touch with what is important and significant – which is my daily movement and direction HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to live an interesting and fulfilling life if I make process part of my daily living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that this is an illusion that I have created, a belief that my life will become less if I decide to integrate process as part of my life – while this is not true – and in-fact – only an excuse and a justification for me not to live and create fully – completely – and with all of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I integrate process into my daily living – the more I expand – the more I am able to see – the more fulfilled and stable I become – and in-fact – I miss out on nothing at all – life thus is not supposed to be separated from process – because what is life without the drive and push to change and move self to become the best self possible?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will loose myself if I make process a part of my daily living – a part of my every moment application – not seeing, realizing and understand – that I will not loose anything – but rather CREATE a new SELF – that will be able to walk through and do something worthwhile with life – instead of going through the motions and then ending up not doing anything at all

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself having resistance towards process and applying myself because I rather want to get on with my life and just experience it, I take a breath and bring myself back here – I see, realize and understand that this separation between process and life is an illusion, something that I have created in the belief that there is something more to be experienced but myself HERE – and thus in a way trying to run away from myself – and thus I commit myself to make process part of my everyday life – through integrating process in my life in moments and in parts of my life where I see that I must expand/move/direct myself – and in the parts where I see that I am already strong – by enhancing those strengths even more – thus actively making process a part of myself and my life


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Day 344: Removing Projections

Future projections and dreams, if I have realized one thing in this process, it is how easily we can deceive ourselves by accepting and allowing ourselves to participate in the idea of a more fulfilling future. It is soooo easy – one moment when we lose touch with our breath – and a imagination regarding future comes up – and whoop – we are gone with the wind. The treacherous thing about future projections is that they are usually accompanied with some form of positive experience. Hence it is easy to believe that future projections is a positive/good/empowering pattern within ourselves. However, that is not the case, because the consequence of future projections is: Waiting instead of acting, not committing to what is here, not participating with what is here, and hoping instead of living. Basically, future projections makes us slave to a mental projection in our minds, and does not support us to LIVE.

Let me give you a practical example from my own life. During my university studies I found within me a deep and passionate love for learning. I enjoyed to read, to take in information, and to push myself to excel in my studies. However, while I was doing this, at the same time, there was within me a projection, an idea of where I was supposed to go in the future. Without me seeing it at the time, I was through holding unto that projection, my idea of what profession I would enter, what future I was supposed to have, and what I wanted to experience, already conditioning my relationship to my studies. I developed a tendency of only committing myself to certain parts and aspects of my studies that I deemed to be worthwhile in consideration of how I would best be able to realize my future projection. Through doing that, I missed out on a lot. Because there were many aspects of my studies that I could have committed myself to walk and get to know even better, if I had not held unto that future projection.

Thus, this all goes to show the importance of not conditioning our current expression, movement, and direction, that takes place in each and every moment of breath, according to a idea, a future projection, an illusion of where we are supposed to go. There is SO much to learn, so many areas of life in which we are able to expand, improve, and practice changing ourselves to the better – HOWEVER – when we close ourselves off to that part of life through constantly thinking about and looking at some distant future that is not here – we will not give ourselves access to that eternal well of expansion that is always HERE.

This also brings me into a different though closely related point – TIME – and how we use our time on this earth. When we always strive for something different to what is here – then we are NOT using our time effectively – because – we are not IN TIME – moving WITH TIME – but rather racing towards a time somewhere in the distant future. Life, reality, relationships, developing and creating ourselves – that is a process that will only always be HERE. If we are not HERE – then that process will be out of our reach. Thus – the importance of pushing presence – awareness – and HERE-living.

Now, how do we change from living in the future, in a projection, to instead, living HERE? One solution that I see, is to give myself FULLY to the MOMENTS of my life. Lets say that in one moment, I am participating on a chat. To then give myself FULLY to that moment would be to go into and participate in that chat with presence, awareness and vigor – it would be to have my mind and my attention placed fully here on what I am doing – not being separated through for example – thinking about what I am going to eat after the chat – but committing myself FULLY – FULLY living – FULLY communicating – FULLY relating – FULLY interacting – FULLY responding – being FULLY here – and not split in a millions pieces within myself as thoughts, and projections, as ideas of where I should go, who I should be, what I should do, and what not.

The solution to the illusion of a fuller life out there – is to become that FULL life HERE through FULLY living – and FULLY living being – to take part FULLY in every moment with ALL of MYSELF – and not half-arsing my way through life believing that such a participation is in anyway resembling what real living expression is all about.


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Day 307: Longing For More

About two years ago I started planning my future when it came to career, living arrangements, and what type of future that I wanted to experience in my life. In this process I was able to reach a few conclusions, such as for example: I want to live on the country side and I want to be able to have a career in which I can be flexible and steer my working hours in a way that fits me. Now I am at a stage where I have realized parts of my plan, and where I have come to see, that the assessments I made two years ago where in many ways correct. My plan has worked out in many respecs– and I should be happy. Though the fascinating thing is that, I am not.

Because, here I am, having reached my goals, finding out that things are not the way I imagined – and with that I mean – the way I perceived that they would feel. For example, in living on the country side, what I perceive to be amiss in my environment now is ambition and career-driven people. And then further, I feel that the small city which I live close to is to small, not enough people, it is too plain, and boring. Instead of being satisfied, my mind is moving towards a future in one of the bigger cities – something that I have planned to avoid due to the various inconveniences that go with living in a bigger city; such as housing prices, infrastructure, transportation, living costs etc. Hence, I find this development within me fascinating. And what I have realized is that this tendency of wanting what is not here, of seeing that is over there, and the bad that is here, it is a tendency I have had for some time – the inability to settle down and be content with what is here – and thus – work with what is here instead of trying to escape it.

Instead of appreciating what I have and the positive aspects of my reality, what stands out is the negative, what stands out is what I do not have, and what I feel that I should have. And this has been a theme in my life, mostly I have felt that my life is somewhere there, in the future, my life will begin in a year or two, my life will begin when I get over there, and in that process of projection, I miss the life that is HERE. Because I have seen, that it is not so much about WHERE you are, it is about WHO you are – WHO you are determines EVERYTHING. You can live in the most perfect of worlds, and still, if you are not stable and settled within yourself, there will still exist a restlessness deep inside, a want to get out, to experience something different, to not be here, but to get away.

What is then the solution?

The solution is to realize that projections into the future indicates what is amiss in my expression and practical living HERE – and hence – the projection is a coping mechanism – because through projections we are able to feel as if we are some time, some day actually going to reach our goals/dreams/wishes – however – we will not – because that projection only exists in the first place because we are not living that experience as ourselves.

For example, with me, what I now long for is a bustling city, filled with opportunities and momentum – and hence – a place where I can feel challenged and where I still have security and stability – and I also see that my projection contains a touch of fulfillment and completion – it is as if I will only somewhere in my future be able to realize myself as fulfillment – and feel utterly at ease with myself – no longing. Though this is as well an illusion – because fulfillment and completion can never come to me from my outside world – it can never be something that I find out there – instead these are words that I must live – that I must bring to life through living on a moment to moment basis.

Hence, when projections of the future come up, this can be utilized as a support, through asking oneself; what does these projections show me about myself? What is is that I have not created and lived HERE for and as myself that I am still projecting into the future? Thus instead of trying to reach my projection – I can instead bring my projection HERE – and make that desire/want/wish/preference that I see out there – a part of my living reality HERE as how I live – how I stand in thought, word and deed. This is the key to being able to create anything – because suddenly we are not bound by space and time – we are bound by our own initiative, push and drive – and how much we will ourselves to create ourselves.

Day 175: An Addiction To The Unreal

I’m now walking the ACTual process of stopping future projections – and this has lead me to some fascinating insights in regards to exactly what it is that at times makes me go into these projections – even though I’ve decided and committed myself not to do it.

When a projection comes up within me, a future plan, decision, or hope, there is an accompanying intrigue, fascination and urgency to it – the best way to describe the feeling is that unless I go into this projection – unless I take to heart and pursue it – I will MISS out on something. Thus, this is a dimension within myself that currently holds me back from stopping myself completely with this projection point – I feel, believe, and experience that when I am stopping myself – I am missing out on something.

Looking at it in common sense, it’s quite clear that YES – I am missing out on something when I stop my projection – yet: Why would I want to go through and take part in that which the projection has to offer?

I mean, the fascinating aspect of this missing out dimension, is that going into the mind, into the thoughts, the backchat, and the inner dialogue – it doesn’t in-fact have anything of substance and value to offer. For example when I go into a projection about the future, what will happen is that I will go into that state of dreaming, fantasizing, and creating alternate playouts for the future, but in reality – I am just standing still – not aware of my body and my physical environment – and thus not actually alive, breathing, and directing my reality here.

So, yes I miss out on something when I am not going into a projection, but that which I miss out upon is actually not of any value or worth – it’s simply energy, and different variations of pictures – though when I do go into my projections I miss out upon something real and tangible – a moment HERE with and as my physical body – a REAL moment here in this REAL physical world – where I am instead of being physical – directive – present – and here; inside my mind.

Thus, missing out on the fantasies of the mind = no big deal! Missing out on a moment of physical life and living = PROBLEM! Because obviously being here, living, participating, breathing and taking part of the physical actual world – that is what LIFE is – it’s not more or less than that – life is HERE and it’s thus up to me to make the decision to stand one and equal with that life and not accept and allow myself to loose a moment of life through being stuck in my mind.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lure myself into going into these projections and fantasies of the future through the fear of missing out, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the mind, fear letting go of my projections, my anxieties, worries, concerns, and inferiorities that are connected to the future – in fear that I am going to miss out upon something – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that it’s quite obvious that I am going miss out upon something – yet the point to take into consideration is what it is that I am missing out upon, I mean, a projection, a thought, some lines of backchat, is that really what I want from life? I mean – there is obviously more, such as a real physical breath here with and as my human physical body – and that is something I miss out upon when and as I accept and allow myself to go into my mind and start projection and creating future scenarios between my ears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how when I go into my mind – when I follow a projection and go up in my mind and start thinking, worrying, considering, and feeling the future – I am in-fact compromising and belittling my moment here with and as my human physical body, and I’m instead of living, actually participating and being a one and equal force in this physical world – existing in my mind – in a state of suspension – in a state of death – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to bring myself back here in every breath – to bring myself back HERE in every moment – to make the decision to not miss out on a single physical moment here – and realize that this is what matters – the physical is real – that is the point that I don’t want to miss out upon whereas my mind is simply energy – a round-and-round machine that doesn’t lead anywhere – and thus not of any value to exist within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become afraid and worried of letting my projections, and future scenarios go, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, that if I let my projections and future scenarios go, I am going to loose myself, and I am not going to know what to do with, and how to walk into my future, and how to direct my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust, as to how I am to live, how I am to direct my life, how I am to move myself, into my projections, into fantasies, into fear-experiences, into anxiety, believing that I need something more – something additional in order for me to trust myself and make the decision to move myself in my life – walk through my life and create myself here in this physical world and existence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and realize that I don’t require and need fantasies, projections, and fear, and anxiety in order to move myself, in order to establish a plan for myself, and then move according to this plan – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist, and fear letting go of my projections and fantasies, in the fear of being here with myself, in the fear of standing alone in this world, and being alone in this world, taking full responsibility for my life, wherein I am not anymore able to blame my thoughts, my fantasies, my projections for how I move and direct myself through my life, because it’s all me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to take responsibility – to stand as that point within my life and world as not accepting and allowing myself to be split within me – not accepting and allowing myself to be a house divided against itself – and instead push myself to exist HERE – whole – complete and full in every moment of breath – with all my attention and presence being HERE in this moment and in this breath and not spread, divided and compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I am going into my mind, and I start to think of the future, I am missing a physical moment here with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that gift that I am able to give to myself through actually accepting and allowing myself to let go of, and push through this tendency and habit of mine, to go into my mind, and to become mesmerized by projections, fantasies, and thoughts, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to be diligent and to be decisive and to immediately as these projections come up – say no – and push through that experience of missing out – and say to myself that I am not missing out upon anything – and that I am really missing out upon something through not accepting and allowing myself to be grounded – stabilized – HERE – with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop my future projections, thinking that my future projections are giving me something that I can’t create and establish for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through future projections emulate the experience of movement – the experience of creation – the experience of challenging myself and pushing myself forward – wherein I will through creating these future projections almost feel as if I am there already – while I am not in-fact – thus fooling myself in believing that I am pushing myself and enhancing myself – and getting ahead – instead of realizing that I am just here – but in my mind thinking about things – and thus I commit myself to re-align this movement to expand – this push to establish and refine myself – and become more effective – as a actual physical and direct expression here – and thus make sure that I each day remain here and physical push myself to expand – to widen – to get out there and to actually make something effective – and worthwhile of myself on a physical actual practical level here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the life is to be lived in moments – that life is to be directed and walked in moments – that life is not supposed to be systematized and built to pursue and realize a purpose of some form – because life is HERE – and thus the same goes with this process – and the same goes with my life – that I will not be able to effectively live if I am constantly somewhere in the future – somewhere ahead in time – somewhere out there that is not actually HERE – and thus I see realize, and understand – that in order to live fully – and order to live completely – I require to let go of my mind and my projections and embrace the HERE – this moment HERE – and walk my process and my life on a physical moment to moment basis – because from HERE I will be able to make sound and effective assessments of my world and accordingly effective decisions

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into future projections in my mind, and I don’t want to stop, or bring myself back here, because I feel that I would then be missing out upon something, I breathe, and I state within me that, I will not miss out on anything, because I will gain the physical – a physical real moment of living here – something that is of substance that is a place in existence wherein I have the power and ability to affect change – and make a difference for myself – and thus I commit myself to bring myself back here – and live here – and walk with the physical – and push myself through my tendency and addiction to go into future projections and experiences in my mind