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Day 132: My Time = My Investment

Today I listened to an interview bought from the Eqafe store called ‘Why You Don’t Really Change?’ – and it was a fascinating exposé about what we should expect of ourselves in terms of changing ourselves.

The essence of the interview was that when we place a certain amount of time into writing, or applying self-forgiveness on a point, then this should be equally seen in the amount we change in our real-time living and application – if this isn’t happening = something isn’t right. And the point that isn’t ‘right’ so to speak, is that we are then not pushing ourselves to change – we are rather expecting it to happen automatically. To get the full gist of what is shared I suggest that you purchase the interview and listen to it yourself.

So, to make this knowledge practical, I am going to take a look at, and list where and in regards to which points in my world that I have spent much time investigating, writing, and applying self-forgiveness, but where I still don’t see significant change and movement.

I already know where these points are, and it’s primarily two points – and the first one is in relation to sexuality, and defining myself, and others according to ideas of beauty, attractiveness, and sensuality – instead of me seeing the person, and their body, for what it is – a body – a person – someone here in this physical reality together with me.

The second point is about irritation – a pattern of irritation that emerge as I wake up in the morning and that arise through me participating in backchat within the nature of blame, and feeling disturbed.

Thus these are the two points that I have still to effectively bring through into physical, practical and real change.

In regards to the first point – I realize that I have yet to establish an effective commitment statement that I am able to live and implement as these points arise – I have as such not given myself proper and effective direction. Thus, the practical commitment-statement I will live when these points arise of judging, defining, or looking at another from the starting point of an energy of attraction, arousal, or their opposites as disgust and resistance is that I will:

Take a breath, and be here with my body, realize that I am a body, and not a energy, and that this person before me is equally a body and not a energy, and that I can participate with them without a energy, because the physical is here regardless of what is my energy experience – and thus I commit myself to unconditionally let go of my energy – and participate here as a physical body – through being present of my breath, of my physical movement, of the physical sensations of that moment, and as such placing my focus and attention on what is here in this physical reality – as actual physical expressions – and thus move myself out of the energetic interpretation and experience in the moment; thus simplistically – I commit myself to interact with the physical – and be here with the physical – not in the energy

In regards to the second point, I see that I have not accepted and allowed myself to firstly, really stop the morning irritation, and neither have I accepted and allowed myself to change the general presence of myself in mornings, wherein I tend to be a bit depressed, and down, not really wanting to get on with my day – participate – move – interact – and be here with my physical world and reality, thus the correction I place for myself is that I will:

When I notice irritation and anger, to take a deep breath, and say NO – I will not go there – it’s unacceptable – I will instead remain stable and participate here in this physical world and reality without any form of energy – I thus commit myself to say stop, to mean stop, and to live stop – and I realize that it’s useless to say STOP – if I don’t MEAN stop – and LIVE stop

And in regards to my general experience of feeling down, and depressed in the morning, I commit myself to allow myself to ENJOY the morning – and be ACTIVE, EXPRESSIVE, and PARTICIPATE, and be HERE with this world and reality – which I can do through for example speaking – applying self-forgiveness with myself, playing guitar, laying down to read, or interact with the cats – the primary point being that I fully immerse myself in the act of LIVING and PARICIPATING here – and realize that I don’t need any energy in me when I wake up – and that I can get out of my bed – and immerse myself in the act of LIVING – and be grateful and jubilant that I have an opportunity to immerse myself in this process of living

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