Tag Archives: protection

Day 59: Automatic Defense and Protection-mode

A pattern that I’ve noticed today is the “Oh my god I am attacked” pattern – and this mental pattern takes shape as following:

I will be casually doing my own thing – driving, walking, talking – whatever point I might be participating in: then I will see someone’s facial expression, gesture, movement – and I will believe that they are angry at me, and that they are reacting and will give my a good verbal beating as I come close to them.

Defensive-HTML-and-CSSThis particularly happens as I drive my taxi – for example I will be driving to pick up a client, and then I see the client – and I perceive their facial expression to be slightly negative, slightly frowning – immediately I will go into a state of tension, and pressure and put myself into self-defense-mode – wherein I will be more protective, and defensive – and hold myself back in my participation – because I believe myself to know that I might “get it” at any time – thus the smartest I can do is apparently to see to it that I am amply protected.

A fascinating point that I’ve noticed is that my initial judgment of another persons face is seldom real – it’s instead often completely misjudged and when I then start to talk with the person I notice that they are calm, and stable – and they don’t have any particular grudge towards me – because it’s all MADE UP in my mind.

So – I believe that I am protecting myself by going into this defense-mode – but really I am just running away from reality and into my mind where there is no facts but only what I feel, and what I experience – and what I am able make out as a apparent truth out of the chaos of my thoughts – so I mean – this point is not serving me at all; it’s really non-sense – I mean NON SENSE as my reactions towards reality having no factual basis – they are ILLUSIONS – not real.

Thus – I will write self-forgiveness in relation to this particular way of defending myself towards apparently “mean” and “angry” people that are out “to get me” – so that I am able to walk into any situation and be completely stable, and at ease with myself here – with no reaction, no experience, and no feeling – instead FACTS.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as the self-protection and defense character when I perceive that someone is angry at me, or annoyed with my presence, or is simply waiting for someone to lash out on – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and to act according to experience, to act according to emotion, and feeling – instead of remaining and sticking here with and as facts – sticking here with what I am able to see and discern with my REAL-EYES – meaning that I in-fact realize and see what is reality and what is fake as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to defend myself from others – instead of realizing that I can’t defend myself from others because I can’t in-fact be influenced, and moved by others – because the person that do this towards me – is ME – by my own acceptance and allowance – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath and bring myself back here and understand that I am not able to loose myself, and I am not able to be harmed – and thus there is nothing to protect, and defend myself from – there is nothing to run away from – and there is nothing that is able to defeat me – I mean – I simply here interacting within and as this physical reality – walking with my human physical body – and there is nothing more to it but this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my initial judgment, and my initial thoughts – as how I perceive, and see another – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind and to trust my reactions towards another – instead of trusting myself as the physical here – as living here within and as physical equality and oneness with and as my human physical body – seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am only able to trust what is here directly as fact – as that is the only point that is real as MATTER – because what goes on in my mind is a point that has been programmed into me as a misunderstanding of actual physical reality – and as such it’s nothing that I am able to trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need my reactions, my emotions, and my faulty judgments to be able to live – and discern reality – not realizing that I am not really ever discerning reality – I am merely living in my own self-created illusion as a idea of what I think is real – but it’s not real because I am not stable – and reality is always stable – thus if I’d in-fact stood one and equal as reality I’d be equally stable as the physical but I am not – thus this proves that my inner mental reality is a fake – a lie – that I’ve manufactured and believed to be real due to the experience I feel – not realizing that the experience can be stopped, and removed – and is thus not real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to hold unto my fear of other people to defend myself, and to survive in this reality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this “survive” I want to attain is not actual, and real survival – but it’s the survival of the mind – survival of fear – survival of energy; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and see, realize, and understand that I do not need energy to survive – and to live – and to express myself here – and there is nothing to fear about letting go of this point – I mean – I can prove to myself here that all I need is the physical – as breath – and that the mind is not necessary for me to be here and be effective within and as my movement of and as breath as living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and believe that when I experience that “someone is out to get me” – that this is actually real, and that only because I have this experience it means that this point is real – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am not able to trust my experiences – that I am not able see reality in any way through my mind – and that all I am seeing when I am reacting is my own programmed energy entity that I’ve designed through out my life without any effective awareness; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to life – back to living as the physical – and as such stop my desire to hold unto energy, and experience in the belief that this helps me to live, and express myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, and perceive that without energy, without thought, without the mind – I am helpless, and I am not able to function in this world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my allegiance to the mind – to believe that I am dependent on the mind to exist and that I exist solely because the mind allows me to exist – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and accept and allow myself to see that I am able to live as a self-independent and self-standing principle – as a living principle – and that I thus don’t need the mind – but that I am able to live and direct myself here within and as oneness and equality as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and believe that I must have the mind to be stable – and that without the mind deciding who I am, and how I should experience myself in every moment – I am completely at loss, I am helpless, and I am worthless – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here – and to see, realize, and understand that all I require to do to prove myself that I don’t need the mind – is to take a breath – and to live HERE directly in the physical without in anyway compromising my presence – my stand – and my physical beingness here – but that I simply live and walk here without a single thought existing in my mind – because I am so fully and completely living here – that there is simply nothing holding me back from me living fully and thus without fear – without doubt – without hesitation – as I live HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people on the way I perceive that they look, and as I observe people immediately look for “danger-signs” as various facial expressions, movements, or sound tonalities – that I am able to define as being threatening, and bad for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to the physical and see, realize, and understand that I do not need my mind to be effective in my life – that I do not need the mind to interact, move, and direct myself here without any fear; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I meet someone – to meet them HERE in the physical – in the flesh – and without holding unto a private secret agenda in my mind as “my personal experience”

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into the self-protection, and defense character – wherein I immediately react through tensing myself and making sure that I protect myself from another’s apparent nastiness – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t require this character to be effective in my living, and that this fear I experience towards what another might say, or do towards me – it’s not valid – it’s not based on facts but upon my imaginary fantasies in my mind – as such I commit myself to meet another HERE as the physical and not participate in any form of assumption, as perception – as thinking that I apparently know what another is going to do, or say to me – and that I due to this require to protect myself

When and as I see that I am trying to protect, and defend myself from others – because I perceive, and see it as if I am “under attack” – and that I thus require get the fort out and make sure that I don’t buckle – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that what I perceive is not reality, what I feel is not reality, and my fort is not reality – and as such I commit myself to live in reality which is to be HERE with and as my body – with and as breath – and not in my mind – but in the physical here and direct myself within and as oneness and equality as breath

When and as I see that I trust my initial judgment, and idea of another – that comes up as a experience the moment I see another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point is not real – my initial experience is merely a memory that have become activated within me as a particular fear that I’ve created in relation to particular stimuli – and thus I am in essence limiting myself; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here and to live HERE – to stop internalizing – to stop analyzing – to stop thinking and instead walk in reality HERE within and as oneness and equality as the physical – being stable and interact physically HERE

When and as I see that I feel as if I need my mind, I need my reactions, I need my experiences to continue existing – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t need my mind – I don’t need to experience to be able to direct myself effectively and efficiently in reality – I mean all that I need is simply seeing direct here and then using common sense to discern my movement and my direction in life

I commit myself to stop going into a automatic defense-mode – and I instead commit myself to meet people here in stability as breath – to meet them – get to know them – be here with them – and to not judge them, or create a personal experience within me in relation to how they express, or move themselves – but instead practice being stable here

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Laughing and Letting Go

So, yesterday I went to buy a protection thing to my grass trimmer. As I entered into the store, firstly, I felt quite uncomfortable when the man mentioned my presence as,  ‘the one with the book’ – and asked my ‘why I read so much?’. Though, I was close to compromise myself and in this moment go into a possession of attempting to be acceptable to another – I breathed and I let go of that tenseness that became overwhelming in that moment.

In the next moment I was discussing with the man about the protective gear – it turned out that I already had cool gear at home. I asked him to assist me in confirming this through showing me the gear he had, so I could compare it to the one I had. I did this and I found out that – indeed – I had cool gear at home. When this was revealed I began to laugh, and the man said, ‘You’ve come here twice and gone home with nothing at all’. It was in this moment that I became intensely uncomfortable, as I laughed. I walked past a man as I laughed and was gripped with a fear and a nervousness – I experienced a doubt as to if I should look at him or not – as I walked past I turned my head down towards the ground and slouched my neck – I saw this as a point of hiding myself, and a point of inferiority.

So the question is – what was it that really happened? Why did I experience these things? I mean, maybe why is a unnecessary question – I did experience these things – as a physical uncomfortable experience of myself. It was all based in fear, that I am certain of – so instead of attempting to figure out – the best thing that I can do is to deal with it through self-forgiveness.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I am laughing

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of letting go and laugh close to people

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be up-tight around people and fear letting go – fear accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having fun and being one and equal here in a moment – physically close to another

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being abused if I laugh, to fear being attacked if I laugh, to fear that I am going to become hurt when I laugh

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will become jealous at me when they see I appreciate and enjoy myself – in fear that they will abuse me and attack me

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loving myself and showing to others that I love myself – in fear that they will become jealous and angry and attack me

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting others

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others think that I am weak and not good enough – to think that others consider me as strange and stupid

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others consider me as inferior to them

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to let go and be here – to fear that if I accept and allow myself to let go and be here – that other’s will use this to their advantage and find points of weakness in me and attack me

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up-tight, to fear not being ready and prepared at all times to be abused, so that I can protect myself through always having control as to the picture I present to the world

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not always having control of how I present myself to the world

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear laughing in fear that I won’t be able to control how I am seen by others – how others feel when they hear me laugh and when they see me laugh

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of control – to fear letting go of up-tightness and always trying to make sure that I am in control and know what is going to be happen in the next moment

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be in control – to make sure that I know how others are going to act towards me – what others are going to say towards me – what others are going to think towards me and feel towards me – instead of accepting and allowing myself to let go and share myself unconditionally in this moment

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself – in fear that nobody will like me

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear opening myself up to another – in fear that they won’t like me

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable to another – in fear that they are going to abuse me – and that they are not going to like me

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another is going to find me to be stupid

21. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another is going to see me as being feminine and weak when I share myself unconditionally – when I am vulnerable and open here

22. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable – to fear accepting and allowing myself to enjoy the people in my reality – to appreciate the people in my reality – and express myself here as breath as equal and one

23. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being innocent

24. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of fear – to fear letting go of attempting to protect myself from my world – in the belief that my world can abuse and harm me

25. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my world can harm me – can abuse me – can destroy me – when I share myself here as breath – as openness – as vulnerability – as innocence

26. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being real – to fear caring about myself and another as myself – to fear being intimate with another

27. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being close to another – to fear being intimate and real with another – to fear showing myself without any masks – without any role – and without protecting myself

28. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to become abused when I show myself without any masks – without any protection – without any attempt to be anything more or less than me here as breath

29. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not looking male

30. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that males will think that I am gay – or weak – or stupid – when I share myself as vulnerability – as innocence – as here as breath

31. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go in fear that I will loose myself

32. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to trust myself – in fear that I will loose myself

33. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear accepting and allowing myself to see another – to stand equal with another in this moment – to stand without any separation with myself – equal as here as breath in a moment shared with another

34. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear laughing for real

35. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear showing who I am towards another – to fear showing the real me – and not hide behind a show

36. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting to know another – to fear being real towards another and opening myself up – sharing myself unconditionally – without any walls with another

37. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide myself and isolate myself petrified of being abused

38. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified towards being abused

39. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be petrified towards being harmed or attacked by another

40. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and become petrifaction

I am here

I accept and allow myself to live vulnerability, openness, sharing, and innocence

I share myself here as breathe with no walls – with no role – with no masks – I am here open – vulnerable – clear

I accept and allow myself to live with no fear

I do not accept and allow myself to separate myself from this moment – from others – in fear of being abused or harmed –as I realize I can’t be abused or harmed – as such I share myself here as equality – I accept and allow myself to be intimate with others

I am self-intimacy

I accept and allow myself to experience and live intimacy with others and myself as myself

I let go and accept and allow myself to trust myself in the moment – stop worrying – stop fearing – and instead breathe and trust myself here

De-constructing my Money-Construct Part: 3

During one point in my life I decided I was going to make money. At that time I had gotten home from Thailand and I didn’t have anything in particular to do – thus I decided I was going to travel to Norway in order to make myself money.

Thus – I placed myself on a bus heading to Norway. I got of and I ventured to my hostel and I placed all of my baggage on my bed. During the following two weeks I would experience the most intense anxiety and fear that I’ve ever felt in relation to money; to the extent that I couldn’t sleep at night, simply because, I had no place where I could live and I had no job to get a steady flow of money coming in.

The moment I came to Norway, more specifically in the town of governance called Oslo, I started to look for jobs and apartment. Before I had arrived I had prepared myself through calling people in relation to getting myself an apartment and a job. Thus – I started to visit all the places and people that I beforehand had made contact with in order to make my time of living on hostels shorter.

I felt very uncomfortable to live in a hostel and at the same time have no job. Because the hostels where expensive to live in and as I had no job, everyday the money I had with me got less and less. The fascinating thing is that, at this time my savings was quite substantial and I had a family with substantial economic “power”, thus there was no actual danger in relation to my life. The danger was to loose my money, which was only that, to loose my money and not be able to anymore sustain myself in the city of Oslo – even though there was lot’s of possibilities for me if things would have fucked up completely.

During two weeks I walked around in Oslo to go to job interviews and to get myself an apartment. Yes, you heard right – I walked! The reason as to why I walked was to save money and it’s totally ludicrous because as I said, I had my savings and I would theoretically have been able to live in Oslo with the money I brought for several months. Though, I completely failed to see the mathematics behind money and only acted in regard of my emotional experience of anxiety and fear in relation to loosing my money.

Thus – I walked around for about two weeks in order to get myself a job and apartment. To get a apartment went faster than to get a job.

After the second day I got in contact with someone that supplied small rooms, it was perfect and precisely what I needed in order to settle myself into the new country. Though, the price! The price was to high I thought and in my mind I started to run rampant as to how much money this would cost me. What would be my expenses How much savings would I have left?! To add here is that, at the moment it was quite difficult to get an apartment in Oslo – thus when this opportunity opened up I was very content as I realized that I could finally get a place of my own instead of having to live in a hostel, in the same room as many others. But, I said no – the price was to high! I must be able to get something better I told myself.

And actually, one of the reasons as to why I said no was that I had another apartment with a cheaper monthly rent “on the hook” so to speak. Thus – I said no to settling myself in a comfortable room and instead continued to live in a hostel, which isn’t very comfortable at all.

The next day I got to hear that the apartments I thought was “on the hook” was not going to me. I was without a home! Anxiety, anxiety, anxiety – why didn’t I take that other room? Those where the thoughts/experience within me as I realized that I had now given away a perfectly fine opportunity to get myself a comfortable place to live in, that was cheaper than a hostel, in order to save money – which anyway, didn’t happen!

Thus – I experienced lots of anxiety at this moment as I realized that I would have to stay at the hostel even longer, the hostel being almost as a hotel and thus having quite a high rent. That night I slept hardly nothing, I don’t think I slept very much any of those nights which I spent in the hostel – in expectation and doubt as to whether I would be able to settle myself through getting a job and a apartment or not. Would I be able to settle myself in the time frame that I had? Which was the savings I had brought with me.

Fortunately I was able to get a room some day’s later. Within this I experienced a sense of ease and stability as I had finally managed to get a stable point into my life. The stable point being a small room in which I could place all my belongings and now that they would be there as I came back and I also had a bad and my computer there. Everything to make it comfortable and relaxed for me, which I didn’t at all experience in the hostel. Where my stay felt very unstable, as if I at any day could loose my bed at the hostel and if I placed my belongings on my bed others that lived in the same room would easily be able to steal from me whatever they wanted. To get an apartment was very nice and I could finally let go some of my anxiety. But now came the second task – getting myself a job!

To get myself a job took almost two weeks. In which I each and everyday worried that I wouldn’t be able to get a job and that I because of this would loose my newly gained apartment.

During this time I walked everywhere in order to save money for busses. And fuck! I walked miles and miles and miles! All within the experience of satisfaction within the realization and knowing that I was saving money.

I remember that I in the beginning found a job as a day-care teacher. It was a job with fucked up conditions, but I took it anyway. I wasn’t a very good day-care teacher and so I got fired after 2 day’s – LOL! That brought up ton’s of anxiety within me and I pleaded to the manager to take me back. LOL! Nope your gone son! Nobody wants to have you back here.

At one point I found two jobs at one time – in which I experienced tons of anxiety. The reason being that I got one job with a lower pay confirmed, this job was mine, at the same time I awaited response from another employee in relation to a job with a higher pay than the first job. Thus the anxiety! Should I say yes to the first job and at least secure myself a small income? Should I wait for the other employee to call me and hope that he will give me the job? What am I going to do?

Eventually after lots of bullshit I got a job I felt saved – I felt like a big stone had been let of my chest. Now only came the worry to keep my job! But at least I had a job, a steady income and a small room. I could survive! And my savings was still with me! I still had my money.

This entire process took about two weeks I think – in which I basically was in total anxiety the entire time and I asked others if they experienced what I experienced. They said yes, they where also in complete anxiety. I could see it as I was walking around and interacting with people that shared the same house as me, in the house in which I had my little room. We where all completely possessed with fear and worry and it’s a fear and worry that never ends, if you don’t stop yourself that is, because each month you are always dependent upon being accepted by the system to make your ends meet. And if your ends don’t meet you will be in great trouble and end up in a position in which you will have an even tougher time to “get yourself back”.

It’s really fucked up – that all the time there is this uncertainty in relation to money and if you are going to get it or not. There is never certainty in relation to money, no matter how financially stable you get – there is always the possibility that you are going to loose it all.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my savings are going to run out – to fear taking the bus – to fear taking upon myself more expenses than incomes in fear that I am going to loose my money

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety and fear when I don’t have a place to stay, as a apartment

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety and fear when I realize that I am wasting more money than what I am bringing in – and that if I don’t manage to turn this around, eventually I will be broke

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t get a job, that I won’t get stable income, in fear that my money is going to run out and that I am not going to be able to sustain myself

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a place in which I can protect my belongings, in fear of loosing my belongings

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a stable point in my reality, as a apartment, as a place which I know I will be able to go to if I get cold, or experience myself physically discomfort able

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in a big town without having any money

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the uncertainty that exists in relation to money, the fear that I won’t have enough money at the end of the month to make ends meet

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my relaxation and ease within the dependency of having money and having a stable place to stay in as an apartment and having a stable income as a job

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a state of constant anxiety and fear when I don’t have the ability to generate a sufficient income for me to be able to sustain myself

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will loose my job and that I will become evicted from my apartment and that I thus will find myself to be at the lower end of society

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any savings – in fear that I am going to spend more money than what I’ve been able to generate, in fear that I won’t be able to sustain my current way of living as having a comfortable apartment and food to eat

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant state of anxiety and fear when I don’t have enough money to sustain my current way of living

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant state of fear and anxiety and not be able to sleep – when I see that I have more expenses than what I have incomes

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a constant state of worry and anxiety that I won’t have enough money to sustain myself with food, with clothes, and that I will loose my current protection in society in the form of a apartment and a job

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to have money to protect myself with against society and against a life of being a outcast

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to do anything and everything in order to save as much money as possible in order to prevent me from facing my fear of becoming a outcast and a faceless person in the system

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to protect myself from the brutality and harshness of this world – as the disregard that exists for people that has no money

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will loose and not be able to win, and get the money I need in order to sustain my life and protect myself from this world

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in constant anxiety and fear that the world is going to harm me, abuse me and place me in a position of physical hardship

I am here.

I live here, I allow myself to stand with no fear and no anxiety whether I have money or whether I don’t have money. I don’t allow myself to become influenced and controlled by having money or not having money. When I see that I go into fears and anxieties and start to take decisions based upon my fears of not having money – I breath, I let go, I apply self-forgiveness if necessary, I let go of my anxieties.