Tag Archives: reaction

Day 418: The Physical

Lately I have been listening to the Eqafe interviews that discusses the Physical, of these, I found those that were about redefining the physical (Redefining Physical – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 109) particularly supportive to where I am at right now.

The point that struck a chord with, which is discussed in the interview, is how we cannot hope to form a equal and one relationship with the physical unless we forgive and deal with ALL our reactions towards the physical reality. And here I mean all of them; such as for example, being annoyed with rust on the car, or that one of the walls in my home has a slight discoloration, or that there are weeds growing in my veggie garden. All things in the physical that creates a reaction within me, they must be dealt with, forgiven and let go off for me to develop a real and equal relationship with the physical. And that is not particularly far fetched, because if I react to what is here in my world, then how can I ever hope to see it for what it is. For example, a discoloration on the wall, is that only something ‘bad’ to be removed? No, a discoloration is of physical substance, it is made out of something, and it has a history, how that discoloration came to be, and maybe, potentially, I am able to learn something from that discoloration?

One of the primary points that I see I will have to deal with in working with the word PHYSICAL is my human body, because if there is anything I have judged and desired to change, it has been my body, especially its appearances. In-fact, the functionality of my body has always been great – though its looks I have judged and I have wanted to have something different. At the moment, I see that there are few body parts that I am still judging, which I will have to investigate further using self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical – to judge my appearances, to judge the house in which I live, to judge my immediate surroundings, and to think that there should be something more in my life, more than the physical – more than what is here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical and what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical through judging the physical and through thinking that there should be something more to the physical – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify judging the physical by thinking that there must be and should be something more and better – and that the physical is flawed and then I will eventually be able to reach and attain a point of perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive these small reactions and experiences that I have towards my immediate physical environment – to see, realize and understand – that each of these small reactions to my immediate physical environment – they stop me from standing one and equal to the physical – because instead of standing with the physical – I judge the physical, create ideas about it, and define it utilizing limited concepts of right and wrong – instead of seeing the totality of the physical as it is here in front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the physical as it is here – and see, realize and understand that there is nothing more than the physical as it is here – and that I will not be able to achieve and come to a greater reality and life by judging and pushing away the physical as it is here at the moment

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself judging and reacting to my immediate surroundings, the physical, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that through judging what is here, I am missing the physical, I am separating myself from the physical, and I am creating a wall, a barrier between myself, and between the physical – thus making it impossible for me to create and have a deeper relationship and connection with the physical as it is here; hence I commit myself to ask myself – what is the purpose/existence/life of this particular part of the physical? And thus push myself to develop a deeper and more substantial relationship with the physical – in real time – HERE


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Day 378: The Art of NOT Teasing

Teasing, something that I have grown up, and that has been a part of my family dynamics since as far back as I can remember. Unfortunately, teasing, all though at certain times it is something that can be enjoyable for both the giver and receiver, is too many times done inappropriately – at least – this has been the case with me. And I have begun to question WHO I AM within teasing and consequences of this way of expressing myself when I do it  without considering or being receptive to the responses of another.

Let me first properly define teasing, so we all know what I am talking about. These are some of the relevant dictionary definitions of the word.

  • To make fun of (someone) playfully or taunt annoyingly.
  • To say in a playful or mocking way.

Teasing becomes problematic when it is done from within and as a starting point of self-interest, then instead of being a playful moment of interaction, it becomes about enticing (manipulating) a certain response in the other person. This way of teasing tends to elicits positive feelings and experiences in the giver, a inner experience of satisfaction and pleasure, triggered by successfully being able to push the buttons of another. At that point it stops being innocent and mutually enjoyable, and instead, it becomes a matter of one individual using another for his or hers own personal gratification – and this is not acceptable.

Thus, there are two forms of teasing, the one, done from within and as a egocentric starting point where others are used as entertainment, and the other form of teasing, is done in playfulness, consideration, and respect for another. The latter form of teasing is about two or more mutually enjoying a moment of play and interaction – there is EQUALITY – something that does not exist in the former way of teasing, because there it becomes abusive and about fulfilling the needs of but one of the participants.

In my own life, I have noticed that I tend to start with a playful/supportive teasing, where both I and the other enjoy the moment. That in turn makes me even more playful and excited, and it is when I start to experience, place my focus on and live out these energies that I lose touch with REALITY and the other person. I will so to speak, take it too far – and then – without noticing or seeing how it happened – the recipient will be upset/angry/irritable – and that playful/enjoyable interaction will be lost. It is thus easy to see, that the problem and mistake that I make, is that my focus is internalized and directed towards how I experience myself energetically, and I do not keep my attention directed towards my physical reality and the interaction itself. Because, if I would have been perceptive to the other person, I would never have missed how they initially reacted/responded to my words. And the moment that I noticed, I could have made the decision to not take it any further, but to stop and ground myself – and speak/interact in a way that is mutually supportive.

Teasing, it resembles the word taser, and a taser has the specific function of transferring a massive load of energy and elicit a destructive response in the receiver – and that is very much like the destructive form of teasing – eliciting a response in another without regard or concern. Being a tease, is to lead someone on sexually, and then leave them unsatisfied, also that very much like the destructive form of teasing – where we elicit reactions in another to make us feel good – without consideration for another. Thus – it is clear that teasing is a supportive and enjoyable expression – however – it must be done in EQUALITY – it must be done from a starting point of mutual enjoyment/consideration/support/concern – if not – then it is abusive – and it will create a lot of consequences – unnecessary fights and conflicts being one of them.

Teasing, as with most other forms expressions, is not bad in itself – it is all about WHO WE ARE within it. If we are HERE, present, and together with the other person – teasing can be an awesome, enjoyable, and fun way to interact – however if we are not HERE with the other person – teasing will be a ego-driven activity which will create a lot of consequences in your relationship with another.

The SOLUTION for me: When teasing, make sure that I am here, present and together with the other person, and that I am considering, regarding and treating them as an equal.


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Day 321: My Alternate Realities

Holding on to points, this is a tendency that has opened up within me during the last week. I have encountered this when it comes to second guessing decisions I have made, where I want to hold unto the potential direction that I did not choose, and when it comes to holding unto experiences – and in particular desires/wants/urges – when these experiences come up – it is hard for me to let go.

Why is it that I do not want to let go?

From what I can see, it has to do with the idea that if I let go, I will miss out and loose something that would have made my life a lot more entertaining and effective. For example with the decisions I have made with my career, I still hold unto, and do not entirely want to embrace the direction I have chosen, because, what if, that other direction that I did not pick was the better one? And then when it comes to desires/wants/urges – it is the same thing – because usually I will have made a decision and picked a certain path to fulfill a certain desire/preference – and then the fear comes up; what if that other direction was better?

Hence, why I want to hold unto things is because I fear missing out, I fear making a mistake, I fear doing the wrong thing, I fear not being able to experience my desires/dreams the way I hoped – and hence I create a way to hold unto that potential within me. Obviously, this does not work, because in physical reality, I have already made the decision, and in-fact, I am only compromising myself and my future by holding unto a alternate reality, because how can I give myself completely to my life if I am divided within myself? A house divided will not stand.

The solution is to embrace my life as it is here – the decisions I have made – to walk them fully and see where they might take me – to not accept and allow myself to live in alternate realities – but to live in this ONE reality HERE – and make the most out of it. To live the COURAGE of letting go of any alternate reality – to remain in ONE reality and make the most of what is in-fact HERE – for REAL. Because, is there anything that I can possibly gain by holding unto a imaginary alternate reality in my mind? No, nothing, as that alternate reality is not even real, and many times, not a possibility either, as I have already committed myself to the decision I have made to such an extant that it would be ridiculous to go back on it. I see that I must EMBRACE reality as it is HERE – and work with it – and make THAT the priority – WORKING with what is ALREADY here.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and nurture alternate realities, prospects, hopes, and unfulfilled desires, that I want to be realized in these alternate realities, and thus hold unto emotional patterns, as I fear letting them go, as letting them go, would equally mean that I let go of my alternate reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that life is not created neither lived in an alternate reality, because in-fact, there is no such thing as an alternate reality, it only exists in my mind, and hence, I want to hold unto, and live for and as my mind, for the idea of a reality that exists in my mind, instead of sticking with what is REAL here, and developing myself, my life, my physical, practical living, on a day-to-day basis, to as such construct, and create something of real value, and not merely something that exists in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my emotional reactions, because I fear letting go of my alternate reality, and hence I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not make an absolute decision, in terms of making the decision completely, fully, without looking back, making my direction and clear and then moving myself, and hence not stopping up in mid-air, to look back, and see whether it might have been better to remain behind, because fact is that I am now mid-air, I have jumped, now the process and what is relevant is to direct myself HERE – and if I do not do that – I will create consequences for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have difficulty letting go of an emotion, most of the times, it is because I am protecting and defending an alternate reality, a hope, a desire, an urge of wanting my life to be formed and shaped in accordance with my alternate dream reality, and hence I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to let go of the point – and implement the direction of LIVING and CREATING – and BUILDING myself and my life HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my alternate realities, in how I want things to be, instead of living and participating HERE with how things REALLY are, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remember that what goes on in my mind – in my alternate dream realities – that will not ever come real – it is a imagination, a accumulation of various believes and ideas, integrated into a false story existing in my mind, that will not ever exist, because it is not of and as physical matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace REALITY – and realize that the solution to my tendency of living in alternate dream realities, is to investing myself fully into this reality – into this life – giving LIFE my everything – and hence not accepting and allowing myself to vest my attention, focus and effort into a false reality existing only as pictures and images in my mind

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to invest myself in this physical reality – to give attention, focus and effort into living and creating myself HERE – to understand that I can only create my life here when and as I am here – and I am not split in my mind between various imaginary realities

I commit myself to embrace my life as it is HERE and make the best out of it – to give myself fully – through being HERE in each and every breath – and walking in every moment with and as breath – with and as my physical body

I commit myself to create in the physical – and stop myself when I notice myself going into my alternate realities of the mind – and to instead bring myself back here – and focus myself on creating and living HERE

Day 246: The art of decision making

Oftentimes we hear how it’s good to vent ourselves – that it’s apparently healthy to clear the air, get everything out there, speak it as it is, and show what is really going on. And in theory this might be great, because we can discuss what is really going on – though in practical reality this approach more often than not leads to consequences.

hand-457335_640The real problem is when we start to speak about decisions, and points that we think about, which we ourselves are not yet clear on. For example, we have a reaction towards person X, and this reaction is an irritation, then we go speak to person Y about a decision we’re considering due to this reaction. Problem is that, on top of it being a reaction, we experience a conflict within ourselves towards the decision, because on a deep level we know that the point isn’t clear, it doesn’t come from a point of stability, and common sense reasoning – so we turn to person Y to guide us and prep us emotionally so we feel comfortable making the decision we believe to be right. This, INSTEAD of accepting and allowing ourselves to FIRST look at the point, stabilize, and only THEN go to another to discuss, and cross-reference the facts, which we’ve found.

If we go and speak with person Y, without being clear, a lot of shit can unfold – amongst other things we can influence person Y to in turn make a decision based on our emotionally contaminated information, or we receive advice that isn’t clear, and effective, due to our own uncertainty and biased position, and accordingly we make a decision that supports our emotional experience, instead of making a practical decision that supports who we are as a being, as life. And on top of this we set ourselves up to lose our point of self-honesty, and access to who we are as stability, because instead of clearing the reaction, and finding out what we’d really like to do – the problem is that we try to emulate a sense of direction through utilizing feelings and emotions.

So, what I’ve found in my own process is that I have a tendency to want to cement a particular direction in life through creating within me an a experience of certainty, a feeling of certainty. Hence, when an EXPERIENCE of uncertainty comes up within me, what I’ve done is that I go and talk to someone, to get some form of comforting advice, to through that generate and create the feeling of certainty again. The fascinating point here is that I base my future, my decisions, and my direction on a feeling of certainty or an emotion of uncertainty, instead of seeing the practical pros and cons of my direction. See, basing a decision on what is practical – this doesn’t require any feeling whatsoever, no emotion, no feeling, it’s instead simply seeing the physical, and the potential future playouts, looking at the consequences of these and how they might affect me – and then making a decision on the basis of these.

Thus, the limitation is to want to have a feeling of certainty, because why do we require such a feeling to trust ourselves in relation to the decisions we make for ourselves? Do we have to have a feeling in order to be able to eat? Must we feel a sense of trust that the food we eat is going to nourish and support our physical bodies? No – because in terms of food, we know that it’s a physical act, and that when we eat, regardless of our experience towards the decision to eat, it’s something that’s going to have certain physical effects, and that is why we decide to do it. The same goes for all other decisions, at the end of the day, they are practical, physical decisions, and it doesn’t have to feel right, it just has to be a decision that is practical and effectively aligned – that is all that is required.

What I see for myself, as such, is that I am going to will myself to before I approach another in terms of discussing a decision that I wish to make, to first sit down with myself and walk through the pros and cons – and ONLY look at the practical sides of the decision – because that is really the only thing that matters. What I feel about a decision, that is irrelevant, because it won’t have any form of meaning, and will not change a thing in terms of how I walk about, and create my life in this physical world and reality – and that is the truth.

To summarize this blog, there are two important points to take into account in terms of decisions: 1) Be clear or at least be clear on the points your unclear about when discussing a decision with another 2) Don’t base your decisions on a feeling of right, and don’t accept and allow yourself to be bothered by a feeling that something is wrong with a decision – instead stick to what is practical – because that is trustworthy and dependable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be swayed inside of myself in relation to decisions that I make, have made, or wish to make, through basing myself and who I am in relation to these decisions on emotions and feelings of uncertainty and certainty – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don’t have to change my direction just because an experience comes up within me of either uncertainty or certainty – because these feelings and emotions are in-fact not relevant – they aren’t in-fact physical assessments of the situation that I am in – it’s only a feeling – and thus I commit myself to base my decision on facts – on the practical pros and cons – and not accept and allow myself to be swayed to change or make a decision on the basis of a experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings of certainty, and uncertainty, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make these experiences the primary force in my decision making processes – where I instead of valuing, and seeing the practical sides of the decision that is before me – look at, and become obsessed with the experience side of the decision that is before me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent I am in-fact limiting myself when I am holding unto this perspective in life – because instead of supporting myself to stabilize, and work with what is real – I go into a illusion and try to live my life from within and as that very illusion – not realizing that I can’t ever live effectively when my focus is on that which isn’t real, and doesn’t matter anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to evaluate the decisions I have made, and the decisions I plan to make according to how I feel about them, and evaluate how I should move and direct myself in the future according to how I feel about my future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the simple common sense that – a decision is a practical point – it’s a physical act – and not something that has to do with feelings – and some goes with the future – the future is a practical point – a physical act that will occur – and thus it’s irrelevant how I feel about it – what’s important is the physical, and practical steps – the actuality of what is here – that is the relevant point to look at and thus the relevant point to work with and base my decisions on

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself wanting to go talk to someone about a decision that I am not clear on, because I feel certain, or uncertain, and because I wish to strengthen one of these experiences, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I require to slow down, and first of all – look at the point myself – and be clear within myself before I open my mouth and invite others to participate in giving me advice and looking at the decision – and thus I commit myself to look at my decisions rationally – using the pros and cons method – the pros and cons list – and then following through on the assessment that I make in relation to this pros and cons list – and asking for advice in relation to practical points that I am not certain about and that I see I could use support and assistance for me to clarify

When and as I see myself basing my direction, and future in relation to a certain decision, on how I feel about it – as to whether I feel comfortable with it, or uneasy with it, and then start re-thinking my decision, and going over it again, because my feeling about it changed, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approach decisions is not supportive, and it’s not effective for me – because what should matter is the physical, what is actually going on in my life, what is actually and in-fact here – not what I feel should or shouldn’t be here – because that is what is relevant – and that is what I should move myself in relation – and through doing that – I will have an effective decision that is aligned with my physical world – and thus I commit myself to look at the physical aspects of my decision and NOT how I feel about it, not what I think about it, rather the physical facts – because that is what will have a direct impact and influence on me and the decision I am making or that I have already made

Day 229: Working with reactions towards a person

post-to-your-facebook-pageI have one person in my life that regularly functions as a trigger point for me with regards to evoking reactions. Here in this blog I’m going to investigate this pattern more closely.

I will do this through firstly investigating what is triggering the pattern. Then I will look at what thought, backchat, emotion and physical lived action emerge when this pattern is triggered. Lastly I will do self-forgiveness and place a self-commitment statement to direct the pattern.

Trigger points

When this person says something that sounds absolute, authoritative, no-more-discussion

When this person use words that I perceive to be advanced, unusual, complicated

When others become impressed with what this person is saying and wish to talk more with him

When this person says something, explains something, that I perceive to be very deep, and advanced

Thought, Backchat, Emotion, Physical lived action

The thought that is triggered by this person is: A picture of me standing alone in a big room, being observed by a lot of people.

The backchat that is triggered is: “He think he’s better than me”, “He’s faking it”, “How come he knows more than me?”, “Why don’t I know this?”, “Why doesn’t anyone listens to me like they do to him?”

The emotion being triggered is: Inferiority, Jealousy, and Competition

Physical lived action: I will shift slightly forward in my body. My neck will angle itself forward, and my shoulders will slouch, and my upper back will slouch. I will sink down into the chair – like the air has gone out of me. I will breath faster, and my calf’s tense up.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being defined by another as worthless, and inferior, when X is expressing himself, thinking that he’s so much better than me, so much more effective, and that the words he use signify a much more effective intelligence than that of my own – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is all occurring in my mind – and that there is not actual inferiority between me and another on a physical plane – this is something I create through comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with X and perceive myself as being inferior and less capable than X – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, and define myself as being incapable of expressing myself as clearly, and effectively as X, and use a wide variety of words and idioms – and perceive that X has a higher IQ than me – and that as such I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a competition character when and as I hear X speakingthinking that he tries to show off, he tries to steal the show, and prove that he’s better than what I’m – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to in that moment counterattack and get back at him, thinking that I have to defend my position and as well prove that I’m intelligent, and apt, able to say things that sounds smart, and cogent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be like X – to be in the limelight and be seen by others as intelligent, as wise, as clear and unequivocal in my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to gain fame and fortune, believing that this is going to add to my self-value and self-worth – not seeing, realizing and understanding how the opposite is in-fact true – and that through looking at X and trying to steal the show from X – I’m suppressing myself and my natural expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my natural beingness expression through wanting to become like, and express myself the same as X – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself, and the way I share, and express myself, and see, realize and understand that each and everyone have a different way of approaching self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with X – instead of accepting and allowing myself to learn from X – to utilize the process of healthy comparison – wherein I unconditionally accept and allow myself to see the strengths of X on a beingness level that allows him to express myself effectively and clearly – and so that I can take on these points and make them my own – and express myself as these words that I see X is living effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of competing with X and comparing myself with X – I can instead learn from X – and expand myself, my skill base, and application, through learning from X – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the words X is conveying as himself is self-trust, self-confidence and assertiveness – he’s accepting and allowing himself to trust his expression, his words, his stance, and what he’s seeing – which then flows out into his word that take on the resonance of being absolute and authoritative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to live assertiveness and self-confidence, because I will still accept and allow myself to want to be agreeable, nice, and friendly, and have many friendships, instead of me having the courage to walk and stand with my self-honesty in every moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of constantly reacting towards X – I can instead use each moment with him to observe his expression, and what he’s doing, how he uses words, how he uses his body language, and his voice, to convey himself as this point of self-confidence and assertiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I decide upon the purpose as to why X is in my world at this moment – that I can either see X presence in my life as a nuisance, as a source of discontent because I’m reacting towards him – or I can see X as a teacher, and as someone that I can learn from – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of seeing the potential in my reactions and emotional experiences – to see, realize and understand that each and every point of problem, and difficulty holds within it a gift – something that I can take with me and learn from

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I’m reacting towards X, when he’s speaking, or expressing himself, and I go into a resistance, and a competition, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that X is in-fact representing to me words I’ve not yet lived and made my own – and thus instead of competing and resisting X – it’s much more effective for me to accept and allow myself to be humble, and learn from X – to realize that X do have certain things down that I still haven’t – and that because of this there are things that I can learn from X to expand myself; thus I commit myself to be humble and learn from X – to see what words, expressions, and stance of presence that I can take with me and apply in my own life

I commit myself to embrace X – and instead of believing that I’m involved in some form of mortal combat with X, where I must compete with him, and prove to myself and others that I can do what X is doing, to instead look at X unconditionally, see X unconditionally, and learn from X unconditionally – to realize that I have nothing to lose, and that this idea of losing is but that – an idea and not a actual reality

I commit myself to humble myself and realize that X is more effective than me with regards to living words such as self-confidence and assertiveness – though this isn’t a problem – this isn’t wrong – rather I can utilize the example of X to stabilize myself within my life and live these words – to practice implementing this expression in my own life instead of resisting and fighting it

Day 213: The s(M)mothering-construct

Lately I’ve been seeing the effects of a particular behavior and way of being that I’ve created throughout the years – and this is the s(M)othering-construct – where I literally smother myself and/or others through a very strict idea of what is right, and what is wrong – what is good and what is bad – what is correct and what is incorrect.

The main problem I’ve seen is the way that I approach my own as well as others mistakes, because when a mistake, or mishap happen, I tend to judge, blame, and the enforce a correction – implement the ‘right’ way of doing things. For example, let’s say I’ve been eating something that doesn’t go with my body very well, and I get a stomach ache because of it – then my automated way of dealing with this is to be hard on myself, and demand that I do what is ‘right’ – and thus not anymore eat that kind of food.

What happens when I approach mistakes, mishaps and weaknesses in this way is that I never go in any depth, I don’t actually discover what’s behind the point, and what has created it – instead the point is just plain wrong and it must be turned around to be right. Though, this also poses difficulties, because often then I don’t know really what is wrong, and what is supposedly right, and then my corrective application will be sporadic, and not grounded and clear in purpose.

Thus – there are obvious benefits with LEARNING to understand – to observe without judgments, without rights and wrongs, with correct and incorrect – because then I’m able to see what’s behind it all. For example, with criminals, many judge those as being absolutely wrong, distasteful and reprehensible individuals – yet there is a clear WHY behind such criminals – and that is most often a lack of money. That same principle of seeing the WHY that exists behind the HOW in myself and others on a more personal level – thus the best effects will come through when allowing myself to UNDERSTAND and GET TO KNOW others – instead of indiscriminately judging them for not fitting my ideals, and ideas of what is right and wrong.

Obviously the same goes for me – I also must accept and allow myself to when a reaction or a thought come up within me, or when I do a mistake or see a weakness I’ve created – instead of pushing it aside – apparently ‘changing’ it and thinking that I’m then ‘done’ – to accept and allow myself to ask WHY? Where are you coming from reaction, and what are you doing here? Thus accepting and allowing myself to understand my creation – in that empowering me to stand up and make definitive changes that will assist and support me as well as others in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and another for a reaction that comes up, a personality that activates, or a action that is taken that isn’t what is best for all – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this as a way of motivating myself to change – where I will judge myself and what I do as being wrong, or bad – and then in that enforce a change and a direction into what is right – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am in that disallowing myself from actually understanding and comprehending the point – and seeing from where this point is coming – and also why it is that I am creating what I am creating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that understanding a point is a necessary prerequisite for being able to effectively change a point – and that without understanding – what is going to take place will be more of a suppression – where the apparently ‘wrong’ point will be pushed down and pushed away – and another ‘right’ behavior take it’s place – though the actual starting point will not be understood and changed – and thus the essence of who I will still remain the same – a slave to energy and experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for reacting, for going into a personality, and for having certain patterns that are very persistent, and that I experience as being difficult to change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through judging myself – actually hinder and stop myself from being able to see the mechanics behind a point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be more gentle and inquisitive with regards to discovering and uncovering the truth and the real nature of myself – seeing, realizing and understanding that I will only ever get to the bottom if I accept and allow myself to unconditionally see, and walk through what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply a technique, where I will, when seeing that I compromise myself in terms of accepting and allowing myself to become emotional, go into a reaction, or a personality, to apply the bulldozer method, where I will just say to myself that ‘I am going to change that point!’ – though in that not being absolutely clear on what I am changing within myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the time, and patience to walk a process of preparation with self-forgiveness, and if I have the time, also writing about the point – realizing that in doing this I’m actively investigating the WHY of a point – and getting to an understanding of HOW it functions – and thus more specifically what I require to change and direct in order to move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach others, and their difficulties, and weaknesses, with judgment, where I want them to change, and change immediately, using the bulldozer technique, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not how I effectively effectuate change in my world – because in using the bulldozer technique I will more force others to be the way that I want them to be, and there won’t be an understanding, and realization in the other as to why they move as they do, as to why a particular starting point, direction or application is not effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the priority of my application when assisting and supporting others – to empower them to become self-realized – and realize that this is the important point to convey – that the change in physical application is important – yet what is even more important is that the starting point of that change is clear and comes from within and as a point of self-realization – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and support others from within and as judgment – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be unconditional

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to not as I am about to assist and support another with a point, or as I am considering to do this, to take a breath, to slow down, and to look within me, so that there is no reaction, or movement inside – but that I am clear – here – specific – and ready to unconditionally give to another – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow just a slight movement within me – such as a judgment – the support will be compromised and it will not be aligned with the individualsthat is in-front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that assistance and support can only ever be effective when there is no judgment – where there is no right and wrong – when there is no holding unto the past taking place – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice this point of when I am speaking with another – and want to show them a point – to make sure that I am clear – that I’m not driven to go there by thoughts or emotions – but that the point is unconditional – that it holds no stigma or bias – but that I am merely unconditionally giving to another a tool of empowerment so that they can stand up and make their lives more effective and potent

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I’m going into a judgment, and I want to move myself to assist and support either myself or another to change, and alter, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this movement is fueled by a judgment – which is actually a fear coming from a moral reasoning that reacting, being in a state of personality, or mind is bad – and must be immediately suppressed and fought – and thus I commit myself to instead in that moment relax – to slow down – and allow myself to investigate, be inquisitive about, and understand this particular system that I am facing – and thus take on the point of self-correction when I know what I am facing and what the solution to the point in-fact is

When and as I see that I’ve got a movement within me, of wanting to correct, and make others do the right thing, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this point of wanting others to do the right thing is in-fact a fear possession – where I don’t accept and allow myself to see that when just forcing others to do what I see is right – they won’t actually learn anything, they won’t in-fact and by their own volition motivate and move themselves – they won’t create a relationship with themselves but merely be a follower – and thus I commit myself to support others to stand independently – and do that through without judgments of right and wrong – and assist and support others to realize and move beyond their limitations – and thus not make it about morality – rather have the starting point of giving to another what I’d like to receive

Day 162: I Am Not Appreciated

Today I had a tough day, meaning that there were many reactions that came up within me, asking for me to attend to them and direct them – and because the mind is such a complex, and enormous thing, I will in this blog only take a look one of the points that came up.

To select what point I will work with, I ask myself, what of these points that came up today affected me the most on a physical level? The reason for this is because, often, the reactions that feel the most intense, and the worst, many times do not have that much of a physical impact – they merely feel bad – thus today I am going to look at the reaction that were in-fact bad in that it influenced my ability to participate in this physical reality, effectively and specifically.

What I can see is that the reaction came up within me, and changed my expression, posture, and stand, to be that of gloominess, and a slight depression – I didn’t speak as much, and my voice didn’t boom with that certainty and clarity that I have when I am stable, and silent within – though the actual reaction, and starting point of the experience, was not in itself depression or gloominess, I see that rather, the experience was a side-effect and result of a conflict experience, in which I suppressed my experience, and shoved it aside.

The experience that came up in this conflict was that of “I am not appreciated” – which triggered a emotional reaction of hurt and sadness, as well as blame towards the individual that I perceived as not appreciating me as much as I’d like.

What I can see that I require to work with is thus this point of, I am not appreciated, and I require to look at how it is that I’ve defined myself as being in need of appreciation, and what this appreciation should be like, for me experiencing myself as appreciated, and also, the pertinent question of, why I’ve not yet appreciated myself, and how am I am able to live self-appreciation, what is self-appreciation?

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another, and feel like I am a victim that is being treated unfairly, when and as I perceive that another is not appreciating me, and is not giving me the credit that I deserve, and that I feel that I am worthy of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a unappreciated individual, and hold unto blame towards my parents, and in particular my mother, feeling as if I have throughout my life, not received the appreciation that I’ve deserved, and that I’ve not been treated equally, and fairly in comparison with my siblings – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being inferior, and less than other people, and see others as givers of appreciation, and think that I am not able, nor equipped, to give myself appreciation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in blame, and sadness, and hurt, when and as I perceive that my efforts to push, and move a particular points isn’t recognized by another, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it’s unfair, and that I am victim, because my efforts are not being seen, and not being valued in the eyes of another, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the basis of my efforts in life, and the basis of me pushing and moving points in my world, to be that of receiving appreciation and praise from others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself as a self-independent and self-motivated individual, and as such stand stable in myself when I push and move points in my world, so that I am not in need from another to give me an experience of feeling appreciated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, hurt, and define myself as a victim, when and as I perceive that another isn’t not recognizing my efforts, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to recognize my efforts, instead of asking myself why I’ve not myself recognized my own efforts, why I’ve not myself allowed myself to see where it is that I am pushing, where it is that I am effective, and where it is that I am making a difference for myself as well as another, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not gift myself self-appreciation, and thus not anymore exist in a need and desire to get this experience and point from another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in a conflict, and I feel that I am being criticized and judged for what I’ve done, and how have moved myself in a moment, to go into sadness, hurt, and feeling that I am a victim, and that I am unfairly robbed of me being recognized for my efforts, and for how I move myself in regards to certain points in my world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive for, desire, and want to be recognized, and feel that unless I get recognized, and have another say to me, that what I am doing is effective, that what I am doing works, to feel that it’s worthless, and that it doesn’t mean anything – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice this point of recognizing myself, of telling myself, when I do something that I am satisfied with, that hey, this was cool, and I am satisfied with this, and it was a cool point that I walked, and pushed, and created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another, and go into a personality of feeling that my efforts have been diminished, and unfairly judged, when and as I perceive that another doesn’t see what I am doing, and how much labor I am putting into a particular point, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire that my efforts, my labor, and the soul I put into what I am doing, that it’s to be seen, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I can’t expect another to recognize me, unless I am accepting and allowing myself to recognize myself first and foremost

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I feel unappreciated, and unfairly criticized, and judged, and that my efforts have not been recognized properly by another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t expect from another to recognize me, when I’ve not gifted myself this point yet, and as such I commit myself to practice me recognizing myself, and giving myself credit when I’ve walked a point effectively, and within this, to accept and allow myself to rest in a moment of being satisfied and proud over my creation, and as such give me a pat on my back instead of expecting another to do that for me