Tag Archives: reality

Day 418: The Physical

Lately I have been listening to the Eqafe interviews that discusses the Physical, of these, I found those that were about redefining the physical (Redefining Physical – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 109) particularly supportive to where I am at right now.

The point that struck a chord with, which is discussed in the interview, is how we cannot hope to form a equal and one relationship with the physical unless we forgive and deal with ALL our reactions towards the physical reality. And here I mean all of them; such as for example, being annoyed with rust on the car, or that one of the walls in my home has a slight discoloration, or that there are weeds growing in my veggie garden. All things in the physical that creates a reaction within me, they must be dealt with, forgiven and let go off for me to develop a real and equal relationship with the physical. And that is not particularly far fetched, because if I react to what is here in my world, then how can I ever hope to see it for what it is. For example, a discoloration on the wall, is that only something ‘bad’ to be removed? No, a discoloration is of physical substance, it is made out of something, and it has a history, how that discoloration came to be, and maybe, potentially, I am able to learn something from that discoloration?

One of the primary points that I see I will have to deal with in working with the word PHYSICAL is my human body, because if there is anything I have judged and desired to change, it has been my body, especially its appearances. In-fact, the functionality of my body has always been great – though its looks I have judged and I have wanted to have something different. At the moment, I see that there are few body parts that I am still judging, which I will have to investigate further using self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the physical – to judge my appearances, to judge the house in which I live, to judge my immediate surroundings, and to think that there should be something more in my life, more than the physical – more than what is here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical and what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the physical through judging the physical and through thinking that there should be something more to the physical – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify judging the physical by thinking that there must be and should be something more and better – and that the physical is flawed and then I will eventually be able to reach and attain a point of perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not forgive these small reactions and experiences that I have towards my immediate physical environment – to see, realize and understand – that each of these small reactions to my immediate physical environment – they stop me from standing one and equal to the physical – because instead of standing with the physical – I judge the physical, create ideas about it, and define it utilizing limited concepts of right and wrong – instead of seeing the totality of the physical as it is here in front of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the physical as it is here – and see, realize and understand that there is nothing more than the physical as it is here – and that I will not be able to achieve and come to a greater reality and life by judging and pushing away the physical as it is here at the moment

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself judging and reacting to my immediate surroundings, the physical, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that through judging what is here, I am missing the physical, I am separating myself from the physical, and I am creating a wall, a barrier between myself, and between the physical – thus making it impossible for me to create and have a deeper relationship and connection with the physical as it is here; hence I commit myself to ask myself – what is the purpose/existence/life of this particular part of the physical? And thus push myself to develop a deeper and more substantial relationship with the physical – in real time – HERE


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Day 365: Conditioning Self-Expression

Today I took some time to direct a couple of my material belongings that had been put in storage. I approached the project with the starting point that I had to make a decision for each of my belongings as to what was going to happen to it – what purpose it was going to have for the future to come. The things which I had not used in a couple of years I decided to give away – this group of things included a saxophone and a electric drum set. The underlying principle I applied was simple, with me these possessions were not used to their full potential, and by giving them away to someone that would actually use them, that would support fulfilling both the recipients expression and the instruments potential; in other words – giving the instruments away would be what is best for all.

However, and here is where it starts to get interesting, as I had made the decision to give away the instruments, I began to have second thoughts, and the backchat that moved within me was something along the following lines: ‘What if I will miss these instruments? I might want to play them at a later stage, and then I will not have them! Man, before when I was a bit younger, I played a lot of music, now I do not anymore, I really miss that’. Thus, my initial backchat was initiated by a fear of loss, and then my mind moved to how I miss playing instruments and having music as a part of my life – that latter part of the backchat as well motivated by a fear – a fear that I had lost these expressions of myself which I had accessed when I was younger as part of playing my instruments and devoting myself to music.

The experience took me by surprise, because I had seen that I was finished with these instruments, that I had used them and that I was satisfied with what I had expressed and achieved, though now with this fear coming up, I started to doubt myself. I took a breath and gave myself a moment to stabilize – and I looked at the point within myself.

I could see that practically speaking, I did not use the instruments. Not because I was hindered to do so, but because I had moved into a new part of my life where these instruments did not have the same role to fulfill. I could see that I was satisfied and fulfilled in terms of having explored and pushed myself to develop a relationship with the instruments and that I was ready to let them go. Thus, the fear did not have anything to do with my practical reality – it was all about myself – and how I was actually afraid of moving on and embracing the new expression of myself that have started to come through within me and my life – where my relationship with music and instruments has begun to change.

Because music and the expressions that I could access and live with my instruments, they are still part of my life, however the structure of my life today is different. Now, I express myself with music by singing songs that I really enjoy out loud, together with a stereo blasting the track at the same time – and the creative part of music – which I before expressed through writing and composing songs – that has become part of my job – where I spend a lot of time writing – and my carpentry hobby – where I must use my imagination and problem solving skills to create and find solutions.

Thus – with giving away some of my instruments – I am not giving away the expressions that I have developed and lived in making music – because those expressions are a part of ME – as such I see that it is important to not get lost in the structure and picture of this world – and relate what I experience and live to the images – because it is not about what it looks like – it is about WHO I AM – and HOW I EXPRESS myself within what I do.

I have found that it is easy to forget this, because the images seems to be so important, however looking back out my life, what has always been a constant is that the images change. My world will move, transform, become different, but I remain, which also exemplifies why it is so important to place attention and focus on developing OURSELVES – and not lose ourselves in the evanescent creations/allures of money and consumerism that so easily grip our attention and that we convince ourselves is the most significant point within our lives.


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Day 336: Aligning Self To Reality

What I have liked to do in my life when it comes to interests and hobbies is to commit myself a 100 percent to them. I have enjoyed making one sole point the center of my existence, pushing that one point as far as I have been able to. This way of immersing myself in interests have allowed me to develop skills and abilities fast, and reach goals that I had set for myself. I loved and still do love the process of taking on something new, a to me completely unknown technique, and then putting in the time to master point. The process of learning and expanding I find to be very rewarding and fulfilling, and it is fascinating to look back and see the progress that has happened.

However, growing up in this world, having to survive and make a living for myself, things change. It is not anymore possible for me to dedicate all of my time and energy to only one particular aspect of my world, as I have many other responsibilities and commitments that needs to be cared for daily. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it simply means that things have changed, my life is not anymore the way it was ten years, and because of that, the way I approach interests and hobbies must align as well. And this is what I would like to discuss in this blog, how we tend to limit ourselves in our self-expression through attempting and trying to re-live memories of the past instead of looking at the possibilities and state of our current life, and aligning our self-expression to the new conditions.

This is an example picked from my own life. Before I started to work, and before I moved to a big farm property, when I was still studying and living in a small tenant flat, I used to love recording music. I would sit for hours and play with sounds, record segments, and practice my instrumental parts to perfection. I experienced these moments as deeply fulfilling and enjoyable. However, as is the case with must students, my university studies got to an and, and a new chapter began in my life, where I now had to go out and find work for myself. Hence, this is what I did, which decreased the time I had available for music drastically. Then, as I have touched upon above, I moved to a big farm property, which for those that are not aware comes with a great amount of maintenance work, thus further decreasing the time I had available.

I realized that I did not anymore have the time necessary to sit down and pursue my interest for music in the same way as I had done in my past. My life had changed, yet my interest and desire to express myself within making music had not. This initially created a lot of conflict within me, and I blamed my work, where I live, and the amount of time that I had to place into ‘survival’ related points. The problem was that I could not fit in my hour long sessions the way that I had done before, and that made me feel limited, and constricted. There simply was not time for it.

At first, I believed that the solution to my problem was to move to a smaller property, and to decrease the hours I worked. I thought that if I managed to pull that off, I would have time again to do what I love. However, I could soon see that neither of those options were practical. Because fact is that I had made a decision to move to a farm property, than in terms of living space, comfortableness, and compatibility, is by far the best place I have ever lived at – and fact is that I did walk through my education and the job that I managed to get is directly related to my studies and a very good foundation for my future life – and fact is that this job is demanding and time consuming. Thus, I could see that even if I did not like it, my life had changed, and changed in such a way that it was not practical for me to redirect my focus and change the path I had started out on. I saw that it made sense to stick to my decisions and keep walking. Though, the problem still remained, I did not have time for my music.

At this point insights started to open up . I understood that I did not have a choice and that instead of attempting and trying to reinsert my past way of living into my new life – I had to restructure the way I approached things and align them into my current state of life. This is when I saw that instead of recording music for hours, I could take my guitar, sit down to sing and play some 10 to 15 minutes when I saw I had a moment to do so. Because that way of inserting music into my life did work with the conditions I was faced with – and within this I could also see, realize and understand – that what I was missing was not specifically the recording of music – it was instead my expression that I had accessed and lived while practicing music. Hence, I realized that I could bring through this expression in small bursts, when there was time for it.

This is what I mean with aligning myself to reality, instead of trying to align reality to my memories and ideas, where I try to impose and enforce a particular outcome, because I am too stuck in my mind, and not HERE – with the PHYSICAL. The solution is thus to embrace our current set of circumstances, work with what is here, be creative, and not accept and allow ourselves to believe that there is only one way to do things – because there is not!


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Day 322: Research, Planning and What Goes On Behind the Scenes

Since some weeks I have been laying concrete tiles where I live and through this I have reached a couple of insights when it comes to creation in the physical. Initially, when I first made the decision to lay concrete tiles, I did not know what it entailed. I did not have any previous knowledge and as such I was required to do the necessary research. I read up on the process and realized that the tiles in themselves is only the esthetic part of the structure – what makes the tiles effective is what is under them, which is various types of tightly packed and crushed rock and sand. In-fact, if the ground work is not done effectively, which is the process of packing the rock and the sand, the tiles will begin to shift, and change their positions only after a couple of years. Hence, the quality of the tiles, and how they will look, it is all dependent on structures that you cannot immediately see when you look at surface.

I am now soon finished with this project, and I am satisfied with the results, which I know is the outflow of having committed and pushed myself to walk all parts of the creation process with specificity. And what I learned from this process is how important thorough research and planning is when it comes to living and creating in this physical world; how are we able to expect that things will turn out fine if we do not put in the time to get to know the variables of physical creation? It is impossible, and still, this has been my customary way of approaching creation – just winging it. And is not this the way we tend to approach creation in other parts of life as well?

Let us look at relationships for example. How many sit down to plan their future relationships? What words they want to be expressed and lived in the relationship, what they want out of it, and how they want to experience themselves? Very few, and still we expect that the relationship will magically turn out great. And the same goes with where we decide to live, what careers we take on, the future we walk into, how many of us actually sit down to research and plan a direction for our lives?

To learn to research and plan in all parts of our lives is empowering – because in becoming efficient, thorough and specific with these skills, we are able to establish a direction for ourselves – where we KNOW what path we are heading down – we know what we are creating, what we want, what we need, what we will accept and allow and what we will not accept and allow. And one person that I have learned a lot from in this regard is my partner. When we built our house together she was adamant about doing extensive research and having a well thought plan with regards to each small aspect of our future home. It was fascinating to see, but at that stage, I was not ready for it, and did not appreciate the skills properly. I saw my partners passion for perfection as being overly ambitious. Though, as the house stood complete, I could see the fruit of my partners specificity, and also the consequences of my own lack of specificity, because certain parts of the house that I had been in charge of did not turn out the way I wanted.

When looking at the word PLAN – it is similar to the sound of PLAY  – and PLANT – the sound of the word thus implying that planning is about PLAYING out scenarios – using our minds constructively to simulate a situation before we walk it for real – and PLANT – showing that planning is about PLANTING the seeds that will become our future. And if we for a moment take a look, a seed is basically a blueprint, that given certain conditions, will begin to grow and realize itself into manifestation. Thus, if we want to be a part of deciding our future, we have to plan, because in that we PLANT our seeds, as the words we place, which eventually, as we live and walk these words, will become our reality – that is how creation works.

It is the same things with MANIFESTOS – because what is a manifesto but a plan? A sequence of words placed unto paper describing a desired condition – and through living manifestos, we are able to MANIFEST our words into reality. Though, to know what to manifest, we have to do the research.

Now, what I have found fascinating in uncovering how important research and planning are when it comes to any form of self-creation, is that this part of creation is not necessarily visible. For example, I today live in a home that I love, that is effective, and practical, however, for my home to become this way, there has been A LOT of time and effort invested into coming up with, and preparing this creation – what can be seen as the finished house is only a minuscule part of the entire creation process. And thus, what I would like to highlight with this is the importance of learning to see beyond the immediate picture that we are faced with. Everything is not what it looks like, and even in the simplest of creations, there are most often a significant amount of preparatory labor and effort invested. And this is something I will take with me when I in the future will look for and decide to take on new projects, to take into consideration that I will not only have to do visible physical creation, but also the time required to efficiently plan and prepare for the executive phase.


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Day 321: My Alternate Realities

Holding on to points, this is a tendency that has opened up within me during the last week. I have encountered this when it comes to second guessing decisions I have made, where I want to hold unto the potential direction that I did not choose, and when it comes to holding unto experiences – and in particular desires/wants/urges – when these experiences come up – it is hard for me to let go.

Why is it that I do not want to let go?

From what I can see, it has to do with the idea that if I let go, I will miss out and loose something that would have made my life a lot more entertaining and effective. For example with the decisions I have made with my career, I still hold unto, and do not entirely want to embrace the direction I have chosen, because, what if, that other direction that I did not pick was the better one? And then when it comes to desires/wants/urges – it is the same thing – because usually I will have made a decision and picked a certain path to fulfill a certain desire/preference – and then the fear comes up; what if that other direction was better?

Hence, why I want to hold unto things is because I fear missing out, I fear making a mistake, I fear doing the wrong thing, I fear not being able to experience my desires/dreams the way I hoped – and hence I create a way to hold unto that potential within me. Obviously, this does not work, because in physical reality, I have already made the decision, and in-fact, I am only compromising myself and my future by holding unto a alternate reality, because how can I give myself completely to my life if I am divided within myself? A house divided will not stand.

The solution is to embrace my life as it is here – the decisions I have made – to walk them fully and see where they might take me – to not accept and allow myself to live in alternate realities – but to live in this ONE reality HERE – and make the most out of it. To live the COURAGE of letting go of any alternate reality – to remain in ONE reality and make the most of what is in-fact HERE – for REAL. Because, is there anything that I can possibly gain by holding unto a imaginary alternate reality in my mind? No, nothing, as that alternate reality is not even real, and many times, not a possibility either, as I have already committed myself to the decision I have made to such an extant that it would be ridiculous to go back on it. I see that I must EMBRACE reality as it is HERE – and work with it – and make THAT the priority – WORKING with what is ALREADY here.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and nurture alternate realities, prospects, hopes, and unfulfilled desires, that I want to be realized in these alternate realities, and thus hold unto emotional patterns, as I fear letting them go, as letting them go, would equally mean that I let go of my alternate reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that life is not created neither lived in an alternate reality, because in-fact, there is no such thing as an alternate reality, it only exists in my mind, and hence, I want to hold unto, and live for and as my mind, for the idea of a reality that exists in my mind, instead of sticking with what is REAL here, and developing myself, my life, my physical, practical living, on a day-to-day basis, to as such construct, and create something of real value, and not merely something that exists in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my emotional reactions, because I fear letting go of my alternate reality, and hence I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not make an absolute decision, in terms of making the decision completely, fully, without looking back, making my direction and clear and then moving myself, and hence not stopping up in mid-air, to look back, and see whether it might have been better to remain behind, because fact is that I am now mid-air, I have jumped, now the process and what is relevant is to direct myself HERE – and if I do not do that – I will create consequences for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have difficulty letting go of an emotion, most of the times, it is because I am protecting and defending an alternate reality, a hope, a desire, an urge of wanting my life to be formed and shaped in accordance with my alternate dream reality, and hence I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to let go of the point – and implement the direction of LIVING and CREATING – and BUILDING myself and my life HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my alternate realities, in how I want things to be, instead of living and participating HERE with how things REALLY are, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remember that what goes on in my mind – in my alternate dream realities – that will not ever come real – it is a imagination, a accumulation of various believes and ideas, integrated into a false story existing in my mind, that will not ever exist, because it is not of and as physical matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace REALITY – and realize that the solution to my tendency of living in alternate dream realities, is to investing myself fully into this reality – into this life – giving LIFE my everything – and hence not accepting and allowing myself to vest my attention, focus and effort into a false reality existing only as pictures and images in my mind

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to invest myself in this physical reality – to give attention, focus and effort into living and creating myself HERE – to understand that I can only create my life here when and as I am here – and I am not split in my mind between various imaginary realities

I commit myself to embrace my life as it is HERE and make the best out of it – to give myself fully – through being HERE in each and every breath – and walking in every moment with and as breath – with and as my physical body

I commit myself to create in the physical – and stop myself when I notice myself going into my alternate realities of the mind – and to instead bring myself back here – and focus myself on creating and living HERE

Day 271: Children and Social Anxiety

Today I met a child at work. Sometimes I find myself reacting in fear/anxiety when I am faced with a child, and this was one of those times. The core fear within all of this is that the child will ‘see through’ my façade and then say something that will penetrate deeply into my very being, and upset me; basically thus, a fear of being exposed as having some form of weakness, and being bullied/attacked because of this weakness.

This fear is similar to the fear I opened up in yesterday’s blog about social anxiety and misunderstandings. The similarity lies in how both these fears comes from an interest of wanting to be liked, and a general fear of people – and what people will think about me. What I am able to see at the moment is that this fear is very limiting, and that, there is absolutely not reason for it to exist within me. Why should I be afraid of being exposed as having an emotional reaction? Why would it be a weakness to have an emotional reaction? Why should I be afraid of being teased/attacked/bullied because I have an experience come up within me in a moment? It simply makes – NO SENSE.

The question can be asked, why is it that I care so much about others and how they see me? The only answer I have to this question is because I do not value myself – somehow I have created a belief within me that I do not matter unless others say I matter – and that my self-definitions is something that must/should be controlled by others. This is not true, because why should I have less worth and value than anyone else in my world? Why is it so that I should be singled out as being of a lesser grade and sort than my peers? It is all mind illusions – fiction – created because I believe that the emotions coming up in my body are real and indicative of WHO I AM in-fact – while – it is only what I have accepted and allowed to be me – I can change – I can decide how I want to live and who I want to be.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of being exposed by children as having some form of reaction, or experience, and being taunted, or judged by another as being weak – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of fear of showing anything that might resemble a weakness to others – in fear that they are going to expose it and use it to bully me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is what I have done in my youth, utilized the weaknesses I saw in others to bully them and gain an advantage – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here, and see, realize and understand that I will not accept and allow myself to do that again – because I see, realize and understand that it is not acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide around others because I fear being exposed as being useless and worthless – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold in experiences of emotions – and to suppress them and hold them back – and try to control them – in fear of anyone seeing them – instead of me embracing them and accepting and allowing myself to forgive them unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not to suppress – the solution is to forgive – the solution is to let go and to accept and allow myself to flow – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath as an emotion comes up within me – not try to fight it – but instead embrace it – and then direct it – and I see, realize and understand that what I resist will persist – and thus I cannot reach any effective conclusion within myself through and as fear/resistance/anxiety/worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold it against myself that I react in fear when interacting with children, or other people in my life, such as colleagues, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it does not make any sense that I should exist within such a state of resentment and judgment towards myself – because it doesn’t help in anyway – what would help would be me taking a breath – and me accepting and allowing myself to get to know the experience – to recognize that the experience exists within me and that I now have to deal with the experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself – to fear being intimate with myself – to fear seeing into myself – to fear seeing what I experience and getting to know it – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be short with myself – and to not fully investigate and go deeply into myself when and as I am facing a new point within myself – and I see, realize and understand that in order to be able to transcend what is going on within me – I do require to get to know it and I do require to recognize it – and I do require to understand it – so hence – I commit myself to stop judging my experiences, and myself for having them, and I commit myself to stop suppressing them, and instead get to know my experiences

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a fear, or some other undefined experience, and I go into a resistance/fear/anxiety and hide/suppress myself/the experience – I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in order to transcend this experience, I must understand it, I must recognize it, I must see it for what it is, and I must allow myself go into it – and thus I commit myself to embrace my experiences – to get to know them – and from that vantage point – move myself to transcend them – and be/remain unconditional in this decision to transcend my experiences

I commit myself to remain/stand/walk into the depths of myself without judgment – and to understand how I exist – and not judge – resist – suppress parts of myself because I believe that they indicate weaknesses – that then apparently are bad

I commit myself to when I am around children, or others for that matter, to practice being open, genuine and intimate with others, to practice standing and showing myself, and who I am here, to slightly move my chest forward, and my shoulders back, to stand with a straight back, to recognize what comes up within me, to investigate it, and become comfortable with being uncomfortable, and to not anymore try to hide myself from others in the fear that others are going to judge me

I commit myself to be open with what is going on within myself and stand fearless, with courage, to be intimate with myself – to get to know myself – and to as such – not anymore fear judgment from myself or others – because I stand with and as myself and do not anymore accept and allow myself to fear sharing/experiencing/seeing who and what I am

Day 122: Expectations, Proof of Insanity?

ExpectationsI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on my surrounding environment, on the people in my world, on the relationships in my world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this set idea in my mind as to how I want people to be, behave, and what characteristics I want them to have – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, frustrated, irritated and annoyed when and as I feel that people in my world do not have the characteristics that I want and desire them to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want people in my world to be disciplined, and to be strong, to not complain, and not bother me with their worldly problems – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation in my mind on how I want people to be, on how I want them to interact, on how I want them to see life, and be in relationship to their own life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this expectation, and idea of how I want people to be, that it isn’t real, it isn’t a factual part of life, it is just my ideas, experiences, and feelings about this world, people, and this reality – and thus I am expecting this world to be like my mind expects it to be which is obviously completely insane

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated, and irritated when and as my expectations aren’t fulfilled, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world and reality when my expectations aren’t fulfilled as I want them to be, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can’t expect my world and reality to be like I want it to be, and that my wants, and desires, and expectations aren’t real – they are not in-fact a part of reality and thus it’s completely insane for me to expect my desires, wants, and expectations to be mirrored in reality, and to have results in reality, and that my reality is to shape itself according to what I am participating in within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed and frustrated when people in my world does not live up to my expectations of them, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect of people that they are supposed to be motivated, and disciplined, and that they are supposed to have a drive to want to improve themselves, and become better, more effective, and stronger – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and irritated when and as I perceive that people in my life have no such will, and that they seemingly do not care about becoming better or more – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught within and as this expectation in my mind as to how I want people to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation of people, that they are supposed to care for their environment, be considerate, and precise, and specific in regards for caring for their environment, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated when people in my world doesn’t live up to this idea in my mind of I believe and think that people should be, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am holding unto this imaginary idea of how I believe and think that people should be, an idea that is not real, and that is not represented in reality, and thus I become disappointed, and annoyed time and time again, because people just doesn’t fit into my idea of how I think they should be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to get to know and see people in my world unconditionally, without judgments, without expectations, without any form of cloth of thought between me and them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on myself as to who I should be, how I should live, how I should experience myself, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed, irritated and frustrated when and as I do not live up to my own expectations of how I believe that I should be, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the limited nature of expectations, and how in holding unto expectations I am not accepting and allowing myself to see myself – and I am instead seeing but a idea of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to see myself unconditionally as how I exist here, and to as such remove all blankets, and cloths before my eyes, so that I am able to see myself here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have a expectation on myself I am in-fact hiding parts of myself and deliberately refusing to recognize them, and as such I just leave them to be and occasionally when they pop up within me, I instead of direct them, work with them, and release, react in frustration and anger and suppress them – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of expectations on myself and others, to be perfect, without flaws, disciplined, motivated, and self-moving at all times, without any form of imperfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand I am creating unnecessary consequences within me through having an idea of myself as who I am supposed to be, and how I am supposed to be, and each time that I am not living up to this idea within me, go into a reaction irritation, anger and frustration – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can in-fact live without reaction, without experiences, without ideas, and self-definitions as to who and what I am supposed to be – and that it’s really completely without cause and reason to have expectations on myself because they aren’t even real to begin with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the veil of expectations, and realize that they are no practical use, they are of no practical relevance, they are merely these unnecessary points in the way for me in regards to seeing myself, seeing this world, seeing people, understanding myself, understanding this world, understanding people – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally release myself from the grasp of expectations and allow myself to see what is here with fresh untainted eyes – free from expectations

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am creating an expectation of someone in my mind, or talking about someone in my mind as to what I think that they should be doing, and what I think they shouldn’t be doing, comparing them with my expectations of them, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that my expectations are obviously not real – my expectations are obviously not valid and as such it’s without reason and cause to hold unto them; as such I commit myself to let go of these expectations and see what is here for what it is – nothing more and nothing less

When and as I see that I am becoming angry and frustrated because someone in my world is not acting, behaving and living as I expect of them, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how it is that I am in-fact creating this resistance and energy within me, because I have a dream in my head as a story that I believe my physical reality should be like, and look like, which is completely mental; as such I commit myself to be HERE with reality and not superimpose a mind based story on reality – but to see directly what is here for what it is – nothing more and nothing less

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