Tag Archives: realizations

Day 380: True Detective Season 1 and What I can Learn from Rust and Marty

I have been watching the TV-series True Detective season 1 for the second time this week. It is a great show with so much depth. The dialogue is amazing and the interaction between the two main characters is both humorous and intriguing.

What struck a chord with me this time around was Rusts (one of the main characters) elaboration on his views of humanity. He thinks that we are all searching to create fictional stories to reinforce our idea of ourselves as a person. We will buy a particular type of car, in order to reinforce an image of ourselves. We will go into a particular type of relationship in order to reinforce an idea of ourselves. And we will seek solace in religion and money in order to not have to look at the frailty of it all and that we are in essence flesh – all equal and one. There is nothing special about me or you, because as everyone else, we will die, our bodies decompose, and our sense of individuality will be lost.

In many aspects I agree with Rust. We have become too obsessive and concerned about our image/personality. There is too much focus on ourselves as an individual and what we personally project externally. What is lacking is a care/concern/empathy for/with all. It is accepted as natural to only fight for ourselves and our own life’s – and we also believe that it can be done without consequences. Unfortunately – when everyone only chose to care about themselves and a select few people on top of that – what will develop in the world is a general lack of care and consideration. Survival of the fittest becomes the directive principle – instead of making sure that everyone leads a dignified life.

The mistake Rust makes is that he becomes complacent, resentful and bitter. He blames the world and the people in it for not being better and rejects everyone. He lives austere and abuses his body by over consuming alcohol and drugs. At the same time as he understands some of the key problems in humanity, he is still a part of it and does not do anything to change them.

The other main character of the series is called Marty. In contrast to Rust, Marty is a hedonistic, plain and pretty shallow person. However, he has a big heart and enjoys getting to know and developing relationships with people. The dialogue and interaction over-all between these two characters is one of the best I have ever seen. Rusts austere and fatalistic view of the world becomes a fascinating contrast to Marty’s simple, and according to himself, normal way of looking at life. Obviously they clash. Marty simply cannot understand why Rust must be so gloomy and dark. Rust on the other hand finds Marty’s plain and shallow views and erratic pleasure driven decisions to be immature and bothersome. Even though they are so different, together they become a strong team.

Rust and Marty balance each-other out. Rusts dark and rational understanding reality, his rugged and austere determination brings the case and plot line forward, while Marty’s warmth, his social skills and joy, allows for the team to network and get into the right places.

I can relate to both Rust and Marty and I see that I can learn things from both of them. I enjoy the depth and clarity of Rust, however I also enjoy the warmth and life of Marty – and both of these skills/characteristics are needed in order to be effective at changing/creating self and walking this process. We have to be able to see the depth of the shit, however, we must also bring through the passion and drive, and create something new in its place. We must be able to destroy the old, and then build the new. It is not enough to see what must be changed, we must also make the determined decision to do something about it – and shape life the way we see is best. It is so easy to give up and believe that life just sucks and there is nothing to do about it. It is not true – we determine what is possible to be created.

Finding Problems Instead of Solutions

I’ve had a cool realization today that I would like to share. It all began when I was with my mother in our shed. We where going to check out some windows, which we were then going to use in order to re-place our other one’s that are already installed on the house – because we’re going to take the already installed one’s down for a while, due to maintenance, and that is when we need the old windows to take their place.

So, we where in the shed inspecting windows and I noticed how dirty it was in the shed. There was shit everywhere – metal, bathtubs, toilets, building material – and I started to complain in my head that it was dirty; then I started to speak it.

I actually thought as I started to speak to my mother, about how I thought it was dirty in the shed, that I was being self-honest, thinking that I am revealing this mess that is here, I am showing this mess to my mother. But then I realized, after a while of speaking, in this starting point of pointing out the shit that was everywhere around me, that I wasn’t actually doing anything supportive at all. I wasn’t taking responsibility for the shit that was around me and I didn’t have it mind to do it either – I simply wanted to speak about it and point out the apparent badness of it to my mother.

I realized that I was doing this because I wanted to present myself as mature and as a know-it-all, as a grown-up, putting my mother on the spot through showing how badly she had things organized. It made me feel superior and strong and that is why I did it. So, I didn’t realize what I had done until I was actually finished with it. But as I spoke the last word I noticed how I felt funny inside, like almost ill, but not like a sickness, but as a feeling. And I realized this was because I had spoken and shared myself in a way that wasn’t supportive, that wasn’t what was best for all.

Though, this is only one of my realizations – in the moment just prior to my moment of apparent maturity, I had accepted and allowed myself to participate in a similar construct.

This time my mother was standing by the windows attempting to figure out how to solve the problem of closing the empty hole that would be created when we removed the windows for maintenance – as we’ve figured out that the old windows we first wanted to use was to small. My mother then asked me if I could possibly saw out a shape in plywood that would resemble the size of a window, so that we could push it into the to-be hole.

Here is where I then entered the construct, because I started to speak about how difficult this might be, and how it would probably fail – and I did this, firstly, without being completely certain that it would fail, secondly, without coming with any solutions myself – it was like I wanted to focus upon the negativity, and the prospect of a failure, simply in order to be able to feel mature and ‘realistic’ and have my mother perceive me as a experienced and sensible individual – for apparently knowing the limitations of construction work.

So, fascinating – two points of communication with my mother, where I instead of standing here as breath, working with solutions, and taking responsibility for my reality, instead went into negativity, as in wanting to find problems with my reality – so that I could feel superior and more mature than the people in my reality.

Quite the fuck-up. Time to stop this.