Tag Archives: recognition

Day 428: Changing Competition

I have now been back at work for a couple of weeks, and one point that has opened up, which has not been present during my vacation, is competition. I have noticed that I compete with my colleagues in many respects, and most of the the time I am competing for attention/recognition/praise from a superior.

This week I have actively challenged my tendency of becoming fearful/anxious/judgmental when I receive criticism by my superiors at work. Usually, I would react in fear, stress or anxiety, and then go into a judgment, and then try to improve that particular aspect of my work so as to not repeat the same mistake again. The way I have challenged this behavior is to, instead of looking at how to change/improve my professional skills to avoid criticism, I look at and push myself to find the core problem and issue within me that is responsible for me making that mistake in the first place.

An example would be how I made a mistake when writing a report at work. My superior came into my room and showed me that I had missed some information. I wanted to go into anxiety and self-judgment, however I stopped myself and instead decided to look at the core issue. What I found was that, at times, I will have this fine feeling/experience that I have missed something, that something is ‘off’, something is not as it should be. The mistake I have done in those moments is that I have brushed that feeling over by saying to myself: ‘No, no, I have done the necessary work, let’s just get done with this now’. Hence, in-fact forcing myself to move forward, when there is a part of me signalling that I am not completely finished. Hence, I made the commitment to start practicing listening to this fine part of myself that comes through at times, to take it seriously, and put more effort and time into investigating and proof-reading, when I ‘suspect’ that something is not as it should be.

What I could also see, as a core problem, was that I at times, too fast throw myself at a conclusion, because I want to get done with it, and because of that, I make unnecessary mistakes, when I could have avoided that mistake through a bit more of research, consideration and deliberation – in essence – CALMING myself down and daring to MOVE and DIRECT myself as SLOW as is needed. There is no meaning or sense in rushing something. However, it takes a commitment, it takes breathing, it takes being steady and stable, to move slowly and comfortably, to dare to use my time and invest it into the various projects in my life, and not haste, believing that I will be able to ‘do more’ if I haste.

Thus, instead of competing, I bring it back to myself. Instead of trying to beat others, I place my focus on challenging myself, and ‘beating’ myself – doing better than what I did in the past – and pushing myself to continuously create myself, and move forward, regardless of what it is that I am doing – there is always room for expansion and momentum. And instead of trying to achieve respect and attention from a superior – I make sure that I give these things to myself – earning my own respect through the way I live – and giving myself attention through literally – paying attention to myself and what I am going through.


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Day 329: Redefining Successful

Redefining the word Successful

How I have lived the word up till now

Undoubtedly, success for me has been deeply connected with receiving recognition from others and thus my primary relationship with the word has been in relation to fame and the desire to become famous. Throughout my life I have many times ventured and taken on new hobbies, because they have held an opportunity for me to get famous. There has been music, making movies, writing, and more, hobbies that I have pursued hoping to become widely known and appreciated. Thus, success has not been something present in my personal relationship with myself – success has been something to achieve for someone out there.

Current definition

Dictionary definition

  1. The accomplishment of an aim or purpose: the president had some success in restoring confidence.
    • the attainment of fame, wealth, or social status: the success of his play.
    • [ count noun ] a person or thing that achieves desired aims or attains fame, wealth, etc.: to judge from league tables, the school is a success | I must make a success of my business.
  2. archaic the good or bad outcome of an undertaking: the good or ill success of their maritime enterprises.


1530s, “result, outcome,” from Latin successus “an advance, a coming up; a good result, happy outcome,” noun use of past participle of succedere “come after” (see succeed). Meaning “accomplishment of desired end” (good success) first recorded 1580s. Meaning “a thing or person which succeeds,” especially in public, is from 1882.

The moral flabbiness born of the bitch-goddess SUCCESS. That — with the squalid interpretation put on the word success — is our national disease. [William James to H.G. Wells, Sept. 11, 1906]

Success story is attested from 1902. Among the French phrases reported by OED as in use in English late 19c. were succès d’estime “cordial reception given to a literary work out of respect rather than admiration” and succès de scandale “success (especially of a work of art) dependent upon its scandalous character.”

Sounding of the word









Creating writing

The current definition of successful is actually grounded and specific in comparison to how I have thus far understood successful. Being successful is not about ‘competing’ or ‘winning’ – it is not about proving oneself to another – it is actually about realizing a plan/idea/manifesto into reality – it is about walking a process of creation into the physical. My definition of successful has been that it is something ‘good’ that happens, particularly related to money, career, studies, sports, competitions, and foremost in comparison with others – a success is only a success if it implies that I am better than or more than others.

However, this is not the essence of success – because in the word we have the sounds of succeed and succession – and it also comes through in the etymology of the word – success is something that comes after – it is outcome of a process of creation – where a goal has been established and then a process has been walked to realize this goal – and hence – the outflow is success.

New redefinition

Walking the creation of a goal/vision/idea/principle into physical creation/completion.

Day 312: Low Approval Ratings

In politics we measure the candidates and political parties with approval ratings. If a candidate has high approval ratings, he or she will likely be elected to a post and achieve a certain amount of influence. I find it interesting that we use the word approval in order to value and define the movement of political parties and figures, and I can relate to this way of defining success/achievement through looking at my own personal life as well.

Especially when it comes to work, I have a tendency to value myself according to whether my work is approved or not – whether I achieve a high approval rating or not. Then if I do, I will feel happy, pleased and satisfied, and walk away with a smile and a comfortable feel in myself. However, if I do not, I will walk away with a nugget of fear/anxiety/stress in my chest, and I will have backchat running in circles about how I can ameliorate the situation, how I can change it up, and direct it. It is fascinating, and because of this good/bad relationship to work, my inner experience will shift, and change, and the consequence is that it is uncomfortable to be at work.

An interesting thing about wanting approval is that when that is the starting point, then what I do, why I do it, and WHO I AM within what I do, it simply does not matter. That is interesting because it means that when I seek approval, there will not be genuine care, and a real passion, it will all be for SHOW, so that I can win more approval, and heighten my approval ratings. The consequence of that is that my actions and the work that I do will lack real substance and meaning – simply because there is no SELF in the process of creation – it is instead about achieving approval. It is not strange at all that we loose touch with our childish, unconditional, curious and potent sides of ourselves, present we are children, because our entire world is based on this one thing of seeking approval – and then being defined according to that approval.

For example school, it is one big process of establishing who is to be approved, and who is not to be approved, and then you apply for university, and potentially you are approved. And what is forgotten in this entire process is looking within ourselves, asking, well WHO AM I? What do I live for? What do I want to do? When am I satisfied with myself and when am I not? What is lost is the sense of SELF = self-honesty – because everything is about fitting in and being approved.

And this pattern of desiring approval is also something that can be seen in how the world system operates, because how do you achieve approval? You take in a certain POSITION – for example – becoming a president – a position in the system and the you get approval for achieving that position – and what is forgotten? SELF – HERE. There is no recognition of WHO I AM – instead value is given by how well I am able to reach and maintain predetermined, given marks.

Approval = A PROOF OF – A PROOF OF LOVE – is that what we are all so hungry for? A proof that someone loves us? It is fascinating, and I have observed this many times in my own life, that what is highly valued and seen as prestigious in the system, automatically becomes a highly valued and desired point to achieve within myself. An example is MONEY – that is an object highly valued and defined as prestigious to have – and what do I want to have? What is it that I use to compare my own value in relation to others? It is money.

Hence, the search for approval, is the search of a proof that we are loved and valued, and we seek to achieve that through moving ourselves in various ways in the world system, making almost everything a competition – and we loose sight of REAL value – which is ourselves. And how we can easily abuse and harm ourselves, judge ourselves in thought, disregarding and being oblivious to the value that exists within and as ourselves, while at the same time trying to achieve value and recognition out there in the world system – where have to fight, and struggle, and compete in order to be able to strengthen our approval ratings.

The REAL proof of love is WHO I AM within myself in each breath – the result of my living will stand as a proof – and that result can be a result of love – which would be when I create an outcome for myself and others in my world that is best – when I place and live by the principle of what is best for all and I do not accept and allow myself to be sidetracked and loose my direction through going into the mind. The solution is to develop, create and find within myself, real love, real approval – a real home. Thus, it is not about what I do – it is about WHO I AM – it is not about where I reach – it is about WHO I AM – it is not about what I achieve – it is about WHO I AM – I am in this world but not off this world.

Day 123: Seeking a Career – What Are The Effects?

library-careerI have for some time now been working on the career seeker character, which in essence is the tendency I have of driving myself through life within anxiety and fear – driving myself to attain some form of position in the system in the future. Today I am going to look at what consequences this character creates in the interpersonal and universal – meaning – what is the outflows of this character and how is it mirrored in the world system as it exists currently?

Where is the career seeker character mirrored in this world system?

What do I create through living the career seeker character?

What I am able to see is that the career seeker character creates hierarchy’s – it creates those that are more than and those that less then – and it has the consequence of people attaining positions of influence and importance – and wherein people in these positions then take actions not for the benefit of all but for the sole benefit of themselves.

A cool example is the CEO of a company – a CEO often spends a lifetime of work and tireless effort to finally get to the position at the top of the pyramid – and in this position the CEO is expected to be ruthless and brutal because the sole reason for him being in that position is to make a profit for the corporation and indirectly make money for the shareholders.

The CEO’s are often blamed and taunted – seen as evil men and women acting with conscious and regard; yet how is it that we ourselves on a personal level emulate and live this precise pattern?

We do that through for example living the career character, which in principle is living, acting, breathing and living for our own sake and our own sake alone – where we do not take into account how we affect our world when we without consideration decide to manifest our desires, hopes and wants – we just do it because we want to do it – and in that we conveniently veil ourselves from the consequences and outflows of our actions.

It is visible everywhere – these small daily actions that we take where we disregard the life of another because we want something else, something that is in our interest, something that we are able to feel good about. With me – it is the career seeker character – because through seeking for a career and a top position, without regard, and without consideration, I am effectively isolating myself from the world and from other people – in essence saying: I will do my own thing, and I will get what it is that I want to have – and I will make sure that I get that regardless of the consequences.

It is fascinating – that we tend to believe that our life is our own – and that we are apparently an island isolated from the world system and other human beings – and that our actions and decisions are our own because we have something called a freedom to choose. Yet, is it not obvious that our life is not our own? Because everything we do will have an impact on this world and beings within it, and thus our decisions and actions are not only our own – but they are really something of importance to everyone – as such it is in-fact ego and arrogance to believe that we are free to create our own life’s without consideration for others – and in-fact a form of denial as to the true nature of our physical co-existence – which is interconnected and interdependent – where what I do will ripple through out this world and form a particular consequence that will affect the whole.

Here we are thus able to see the simplicity of world-change – it exists within our daily life’s, in our daily actions, in our daily decisions, in what we accept and allow and what we do not accept and allow – and the career seeker character is one of those points that do not honor life and do not honor a world that is best for all, which means that it is my responsibility to make sure that this character is transformed into a way of life – where the career I seek is not for the benefit of me alone – but for the benefit of all as what is best for all.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that me participating in the career seeker character have consequences on universal level and that thus – when I am participating in this character – I am in-fact being part of creating a world where people place themselves in positions of influence and importance only for the sake of money – only for the sake of status – and not for the purpose of creating a world that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through participating in the career seeker character, that this is an example that I show unto others, and thus I am responsible for others seeing what I am doing, and deciding to do the same – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for and as the career seeker character and as such make sure that I am in my life not possessed or controlled by this particular character – but that I instead decide upon a career, decide upon how I am to make money in this world, from a starting point of what is practical, and where I see that I am able to make the most difference

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider in my decisions in regards to career – what is best for all of life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions, and consider decisions from a starting point limited to and as wanting to win, wanting to have money, wanting status and position, and wanting to become someone, or something that is considered above others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am within this participating in and creating the hierarchy’s of this world – and that I am through walking my life in a state of wanting to get up – and get status – accepting and allowing hierarchy’s to exist in this world – and accepting and allowing discrepancies and inequality to exist between people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the simplistic common sense – that if I consider and define myself as being more – this means that I consider and define another as being less – and within this I am responsible for creating a system that is based upon competition and inequality – wherein people fuel themselves and their daily movement through wanting to prove themselves, and wanting to win

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when and as I accept and allow competition to be a part of my starting point in regards to make decisions, I am accepting and allowing competition to exist on a universal and global level – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself, and push myself to remove, and walk through this particular construct of competition – in realizing that there is so much more here to consider than competition – and that through accepting and allowing to live in a state of competition – I am in-fact judging and effectively removing equality from this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order for a system of equality to emerge – I must stand of an example of equality – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and motivate myself to let go of inequality that exists within me in the form of competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect competition, through accepting and allowing myself to justify competition, and fear letting go of competition – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and experience anxiety – that if I decide to let go of competition – that I will loose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing and ending up in the lower parts of the hierarchy’s of the world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these hierarchy’s only exist because I accept and allow them to exist – I accept and allow them as valid and as real – and I consider them to be of substance – while the reality of the situation is that these hierarchy’s are in-fact not real – they are but illusions created from within and as the human mind in the belief that there exist such a thing as inequality and that some are simply better than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto competition through thinking and believing that if I compete and I win – that I am then better than another – and that I have evolved – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have in-fact not evolved at all – I have merely judged another as less than me and gone into a experience of superiority – yet the fact remain that I have on a individual level not changed a bit – I am just the same – and the only thing that have changed is how I experience myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am obviously not able to discern and understand what is real change, and real superiority through creating experiences within me and believing that these experiences show me what is real – because fact is the only what is physical – and only that which I am able to cross-reference as real – is in-fact real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not loose anything in letting go of competition – and that the illusion that I have convinced myself to be real is that I apparently gain something from competition – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that just because I have a positive experience of superiority within me – this doesn’t mean that I have gained anything – this doesn’t mean that I have expanded what so ever – this only means that I have a positive experience within me


When and as I see that I am going into competition, and into the career seeker character, wherein I plan my life, plan decisions and consider points in my reality from a starting point of competition, as wanting to prove myself as being better than others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that competition and feeling like a winner are isn’t real – it’s a illusion and a experience of positivity – yet nothing that signifies real greatness – real superiority and real strength – as those are physical lived expressions and not feelings; as such I commit myself to stop competition in me – and instead will myself to live as an equal here in every moment of breath – and be satisfied and fulfilled within living myself as equality here – realizing that I can not be more and I can not be less than what I am here – as a human physical body

When and as I see that I am comparing myself with others, and within this competing, and I in that moment fear letting go of the competition, in fear that if I do – I will apparently loose, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that through letting go of competition I will loose nothing – because fact is that competition and the energies emerging from this point isn’t real to begin with – it’s in-fact but energies and have no physical substance what so ever; as such I commit myself to will myself to let go of competition – and to instead exist and walk here as an equal – and realize that I need nothing more but myself here as equal – and that all experience coming up within me as energy is illusion because it separates me from what is real as equality

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Day 103: Real Value and Real Success

Since writing out my experiences in regards to the future I’ve noticed a definitive decrease in fear and anxiety – and this point was also present as I was writing my exams, even though I was nervous, there still was a stability within me, and I did not go into a state of acting in complete nervousness, I could still remain calm, and use common sense, and within this I am satisfied in terms of how I executed my exam.

Today I am going to continue writing on this topic of anxieties and fears in regards to career, school and exams – and today I am going to look at the point of how I am able to change and re-direct my starting point in relation to school and career, so that when I push myself to perfect myself, I do this not to gain a particular response as recognition, but I instead do it as and for myself.

This reminds me of an essay I wrote a couple of weeks ago, as I wrote it I was meticulous, I was precise, and the finished product was as near perfection as I could’ve gotten, yet still the mark I achieved wasn’t what I’d expected but lesser. I discussed what had happened with a being in my world, and she brought up the point of realizing that, in essence we’ve got no control over how others will interpret and respond to the work we produce, and that as such, the point to place value within is not how others respond, but in looking at ourselves, and whether we’re in-fact satisfied with our own creation – did we move ourselves in alignment with our fullest potential, is this work, this thing, an expression of myself, or only a robotically spit out piece of paper I’ve done just to get by?

See, the difference in the approach is that in writing from a starting point of myself, the paper I write become an expression of myself, and thus within that I can be satisfied with myself in knowing that I did push myself to make this product, this paper, a true expression of myself that I can stand by, because I can self-honesty say that I did give it my all, I did push myself to the utmost, and the creation is from the perspective, perfect; looking at it this way it obviously doesn’t matter what mark I will receive, what grade I will receive, because I know – that what I did was truly a masterpiece – a expression of myself – and this stands regardless of how I am evaluated in the system.

This point is cool, because in walking from this perspective, obviously there can’t be fear of loss, because I do not want a specific response, it’s not about how others react, it’s about me, and me pushing myself to express myself and not accept and allow anything less from myself than what and who I am.

Thus, in this I will change career, and school, from being a point of searching for recognition, to instead being a point of me express myself, perfecting myself, and becoming more effective and specific in the skills I have developed and in developing new skills.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in terms of my commitments and responsibilities that I am walking and handling in this lifetimechange my starting-point – from wanting and desiring to be accepted and recognized, to instead walk my commitments and responsibilities from a starting point of me perfecting myself, me creating myself, and me expressing myself, and me not accepting and allowing anything less from myself than what I am able to stand as and express as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in regards to my interaction and relationship with my school, and career, change the definition of the word success, to instead of being targeted to getting somewhere “out there” – realize that success is an expression of myself, is something that I can give myself, and that it’s not about what I become and do out there, but it’s about what I will accept and allow from myself and what-not – what I will push myself to stand, live, and walk as in my daily living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in instead of placing value in what response I receive, to place value on who I am, and how I walk, and how I apply myself in every moment, that this will remove anxiety, stress and nervousness, because then it’s not anymore about how others see me, it’s about me relationship with myself, which can’t be lost, because it’s HERE, and I have full control over this relationship, in that I decide to develop it, I decide to create it, I decide to perfect – and thus it’s not a want – it’s a simple practical point of being HERE with myself – and applying myself here to the fullest of my capabilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the solution is to shift my attention, from what I can out there, to instead see who I am here, how I walk here, and to within that, be self-honest with myself and strive to perfect myself and stand and walk to the best of my ability in every given moment


When and as I see that I go into nervousness, anxiety, and fear in regards to what type of response I will receive on my application in the system, in regards to studies, career, and relationships – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the solution is to change my perspective – and to look at, and develop my relationship with myself – to place value in who I am, in how I walk, and in how I apply myself; as such I commit myself to place value in my application of myself, and accept and allow myself to be satisfied with myself, when and as I know that I’ve walked to the utmost of my capabilities, and perfected a point – walked a point to the fullest of my potential – that is real success and not dependent upon how others respond or react to how I walk

When and as I see that I am worrying, and going into fear in regards to how other will respond to my application, on how others will see, experience and feel about my participation and contribution in regards to points I am walking in my world, then I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that real value doesn’t exist in how others respond to me, but it exists within my application, as the WHO I AM, as the what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow; and thus I commit myself to value myself, my participation, my discipline, my commitment, and my decision to walk, and how I am walking – and to develop this relationship with myself, and stop focusing upon how others respond and feel in regards to what I do

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