Tag Archives: regret

Day 453: Missing What Is Here

When I look back at what I regret, one point that stands out is not allowing myself to be comfortable and enjoy the life that I have. I have tended to feel stressed, hurried, and driven to move forward, fast, towards the new and unexplored, and that has left me with a sense of having left behind possibilities that I could have explored, if I had not been so stressed about moving forward.

And that is one of my greatest challenges at the moment, to let myself rest with my current situation. To allow myself to be here, to explore my current life, the relationships in it, the hobbies, and interests I have, the moments that arise during my day, and not be in such a hurry to move along. And my greatest teacher is my daughter. She is amazing at remaining in the present. She has no conception of time, to her, the only time that matters is here and now – and that is what I want to create for and as myself. The complete amalgamation with the current moment.

What stands in my why is this undercurrent of stress and anxiety – the belief that I must somehow speed myself and my life up to be able to attain and reach the possibilities – while the opposite is really true – I need to slow myself down – put myself to rest – in order to see what I can create in this moment. Creativity is really only possible in this moment here – because creativity needs spontaneity, it needs connection to be expressed, otherwise it becomes a reasoned, rational and logic plan – but not a moment of expression.

Thus how to live this more in my life?

Breathing and grounding myself physically here is important. When I notice I go astray in my mind, I need to bring myself back to what I am doing in this moment. And then it is important that I listen to my heart and open myself open to the creativity of the moment. I must practice seeing the possibilities, the potential that is here and that my heart is showing to me – that are ripe and that I only but need to step into.

Thus each time I have a thought of a future projection, I will change that future projection into a present projection, by looking at what I can create do HERE in this moment, to express myself in a way that will support myself/others. I will look at how I can transform that drive to create in the future, to how I can create/express HERE in this moment. And I will push myself to walk through laziness/resistance towards creating HERE – as I see that this is also a tactic used by the mind to keep my preoccupied with what I should/could be doing – instead of what I am doing here.


Day 337: How To End Rear View Mirror Living?

When you build something big, such as a house, there will (unless you are MacGyver or some other perfect individual) be mistakes made, things missed, points forgotten, or not considered sufficiently. I know because I have been there, it is not possible, or at least, close to impossible to build the perfect house, or the perfect what-so-ever. In the end, there will always be things that could have been better. For me, it has been sometimes difficult to come to terms with these mistakes, that after the house has been finished, each day openly and glaringly stares me in my face. The emotion is there, that deep urge, and desire, to be able to turn back time and make a different decision, the right one. And even though it is of no point to go in my mind go back in time, and consider these things, the experience driving this thought-process is an experience that it could potentially change something, there is that nagging experience, that maybe, maybe if I stick with it, and look at it once more, it will change.

This way of approaching life – which I coin Rear-View-Mirror-Living – is a real party killer. The consequences of ‘Rear-Mirroring’ (the verb conjugation of my new word) is that I will not give the necessary attention to my life HERE, I will not focus on improving and pushing my daily living forward, but my thoughts, and my considerations will remain in the past – LIFE here will become but a empty narrative – bereft of substance – because all of my being will be in the past. The main problem thus is that no CREATION will happen as all attention is gathered on what has already been created – and the faults/mistakes of that particular creation – it is a form of regret. And we, sane people, can all agree that living in regret is no way to live, though few of us are able to use that regret, the Rear-Mirror-Living, as keys to self-expansion and building a better life for ourselves. In other words, making the enemy our friend.

What we see in our rear view and that bugs us will be consequences created by aspects of ourselves which we are able to change in the present. Unfortunately however, what we see in our rear view, such as regrets, will often end up as an emotion a – a state of dissatisfaction and a point that we continuously go back to in order to ponder – only serving our mind and not our physical creation. Hence, what is missed in that state of pondering about the past is that we can instead look at HOW we created the particular situation that is now a point of regret within us; What about our character was responsible for creating the situation/point we now experience a regret towards? Because, if we are able to see HOW we created a particular point in the past, we can identify where we are creating the same in our present reality, and thus how we are able to assist and support ourselves to change, and realign, to NOT recreate the past.

A part from us being able to shift the tendency of Rear-View-Mirror-Living into a present and future oriented CREATION living – what is important when it comes to stopping our ‘looking back phenomena’ is to dare to NOT think – having the courage to simply STOP. I have noticed that at times, I have felt compelled to think about something, and oftentimes the illusion is that I am able to reach some form of conclusion or state of release by thinking, thus making me anxious of stopping my thought process, because what if I then miss out on this great realization I am apparently about to have? However, I have realized that, thinking about these things, without exception, always leads to an even more unstable and conflicted state of mind. Release only comes through letting go of the process of thinking, and that takes some courage, because it implies letting go of the problem/issue/experience that is the foundation of the thought pattern. And because we let go of a foundation, we now have to create our own self – our own direction/movement/future – that is why it is so scary – we are entering into the unknown.

Let us look at another perspective on this point: When someone goes of rambling about mistakes they did in the past, it is easy to attempt and try to comfort them by telling them that things are not as bad as they think. This however is not an efficient way of approaching the Rear-View-Character – what instead should be brought to their attention is that by looking at the mechanics of HOW their past moment was created – and HOW those mechanics are still a part of their present life – and as such – they will be able to stop themselves from recreating their past. Hence their focus and effort should be placed on aligning and changing these inefficient traits, memes and quirks (their current self-mechanics) so that they can walk into a better future. When we look at the past pro-actively – it can be a GREAT source of knowledge that we are able to use to get to know ourselves better.

To sum it up. Rear-View-Mirror-Living (do I have copyright on this term now?) is in its essence an addiction to thoughts – we want to think about our past – feel good or bad about it – continuously assess, value, pinpoint, and define with our minds. This is a LIMITATION – because by existing in a Rear View State – we miss out on CREATING our life HERE. This brings me into the solution – which is to CREATE: CREATE our future – CREATE our character – CREATE our skills, abilities, our integrity, our state of mind, our WHO WE ARE – and NOT leave anything to to chance. In that process of CREATION – we are able to use our inner Rear View Mirror to LEARN about ourselves – to see where we need fine tuning, and to understand, what consequences our characters and patterns have the potential of creating. However – the Rear View must never become a purpose in itself – we USE it to expand – not to be in a constant state of looking back.


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