Tag Archives: relationships

Day 421: Being Able To Work With Everyone

Today I listened to a really good Eqafe interview called Leadership: Being Able to Work With Everyone – Quantum Mind Self Awareness. The point of working together with other people in projects was discussed, and one thing in particular resonated with me; we do not have to like the people we work with, or decide to coordinate a project together with.

I found this supportive, because I have had a tendency to make relationships, particularly in the work environment, personal, in the sense that I believe that the relationships must be personal for the work and communication to flow effectively. However, interestingly enough, at work this has proven to not be the case many, many times. In-fact, some of the people that I work the best with, is actually people that I do not get along with on a personal basis. And that is because – in work – there are not the same requirements, the same relationships, the same movement, needed as is the case in personal relationships – and believing that this is the case – that is making a mistake.

And this the case in a variety of relationships – I cannot use one and the same mold for all the various contexts that is part of my life – in order to be able to direct myself and live with common sense – what is required is that I practice seeing the purpose and starting point – the reason – why am I here? What is the point? When it comes to work, the reason and purpose is to handle the responsibilities according to the purpose and reason of that particular position in the system – and the success and failure of such a movement is not determined according to how personally satisfying and enjoyable the relationships are.

In-fact, this tendency of ours to believe that we need some form of ‘connection’ and ‘intimate experience’ towards a point in order for us to engage with it and be effective within it, is a pattern that I have seen in many, and that I myself allowed to control and direct many of the decision I made throughout my teenage years and early twenties. Not necessarily in relation to people, though the more in relation to hobbies, school work, and career choices – because my idea was that it had to be ‘fun’ – I had to have a ‘feel’ for it to actually move. I have learned now that is not needed – I do not need to feel – all I need to do is to move myself and then be consistent – the physical will sort out the rest.

Thus – conclusion: How I feel is not really relevant – because efficient relationships are dependent upon so many other points – and these can only be assessed in the PHYSICAL – because that is where we see the reality of ourselves and our lives. We might kick-ass at a job that we do not necessarily like, and oppositely, we might really suck at a job that we firmly and wholly love. To make sustainable decision in this world – what must take primary focus is what works IN THE PHYSICAL – not how we feel about things – and that is the skill of not taking things personally – not making things personal – but remaining objective.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have a positive feeling and experience towards what I do, towards my work, towards my colleagues, for me to participate within the point and direct it effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what is important is the physical – and whether I am compatible with the physical or not – that is the point of importance – not how I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be friends with my colleagues for me to work effectively – that we must have a personal and intimate relationship for us to move and work effectively together – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not the case – that a work-relationship does not have the same requirements as a personal relationship – and that it is up to me to define the starting point of the relationship which in turn will define the outcome of the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed and sad when I do not feel a positive and energetic experience towards work – and hence believe that there is something wrong – there is something that is off – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact making a thing out of me not feeling anything – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am in-fact not supposed to feel anything – that work is and should simply be work – and that I do have the opportunity to push myself to live words and expand myself at work both within the various tasks of my work – and also within the relationships I have with people at work

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself interpreting, creating ideas, or preparing to make decisions within a relationship in my world with people, such as colleagues, or in relation to work, or with personal relationships, because I do not feel as I usually feel, or believe I must feel, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this idea that I have to feel something in order to move – it is not real – because what matters and counts in the physical – is physical feedback – is physical effectiveness – is physical compatibility – physical context – and hence I commit myself to make decisions according to what makes sense and what is best in the PHYSICAL – and not according to how I feel about a point or believe that I should feel – because such a starting point does not create the best decisions


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Day 407: Avoidance

In this blog I will open up avoidance – especially in relationships because that is where it has happened recently for me.

Avoidance – a void dance – is an interesting word, with a sound structure that quite clearly indicates what it is all about. In our inner worlds, things can be suppressed, however, that is not possible in our external realities, and as such, if there are things we want to keep away (keep void) we will have to avoid them. And to avoid them, usually we have to do a little dance. Not a dance in the literary sense, rather a figurative, manipulative dance, where we come up with a reason that justifies us not meeting, establishing contact/interacting with the point.

For me, avoidance has opened up in my relationship, and that especially since my partner and I had our first child. And the point I have avoided have been moments of intimacy/sharing/closeness. Before, we used to have ample opportunity, and oceans of time to commit to such activities. Now, when we have a child, those moments where we are able to come together, without our daughter stealing our attention away from each other, can only happen in but a few moments throughout the day. Hence, when those moments do come through, we have to act. And unfortunately, that is when I have made the decision to instead avoid.

And see – as a parent – that also works long hours during the weekdays – there is always a solid reason that can be used to justify avoidance – ‘I am tired’. However – what I have come to see, realize and understand is that even though this tiredness might be real – it does not validate me not pushing through and willing myself to interact and have a moment of intimacy with my partner. Because me not pushing through – but rather using the tiredness as a reason to not meet up – that is avoidance.

Thus – what I want to practice in my life is to stop avoidance and replace it with ‘meet/approach’ – or rather – INITIATIVE – where I instead of waiting – avoiding – and trying to move away from what is here to be faced and directed – take on the point and move myself forward.

Practically speaking, I see that I am able to live this word by initiating moments with my partner, when I do see that there is time/opportunity to do so, where we do things together similar to how we did it when we did not child together. And while this might be challenging and tiring – I will have to push through and initiate – even though I do not feel like it. Here, I also see that I have to take the fact into account, that things will not be like when we did not have a child, it is not possible to return to the past. However, I can still push to create moments of connection/meeting under the new circumstances that we find ourselves within – it will be different – though the purpose and starting point will be the same – to meet/interact and come together.


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Day 401: A Dramatic Unfolding of Events

Lately I have been walking through a fascinating point with regards to the emotional experience of betrayal. Before this, I did not consider myself a particularly sensitive, dramatic or emotional person, however, while this might be so in certain contexts, I definitely still have points to work with in other contexts.

This particular point opened up when I invited a friend to come and stay with me over the weekend. We agreed on a date, though, shortly before he was supposed to come over, my friend cancelled and told me that he had other responsibilities to tend to and could not make it. My initial reaction was that of worry/fear, believing that there was something wrong with me that had caused my friend to cancel. Then followed a reaction of feeling betrayed by my friend, because I felt as if he had promised me that he would meet up, and now broken that promise, and that feeling of betrayal in turn became resentment and anger.

Now, when this happened within me, I was pretty much taken by surprise, because I usually do not react like this. Though, on the other hand, I seldom invite anyone over, and I have not ever been a person to naturally ‘put myself out there’ when it comes to friends and relationships – hence the entire situation was a little bit out of character as to my part within it. Regardless, the final stage of this chain of reactions within me was blame, and while in this state of blame, my mind fervently began looking for ways through which I could take my revenge. These plots usually contained some way in which I rejected my friend and ‘made him feel what I had felt’.

Obviously, I could see clearly the insanity of what was going on inside of me, and I think the reason for this is because I am on average not very emotional. I am instead, most often, levelheaded and stable – and I do not accept and allow myself to use the relationships I have in my life to wind me up emotionally. I started looking at this point that I was walking through – I began applying self-forgiveness – and I could see, realize and understand a few underlying themes within me that were creating this experience.

Firstly, I could see that in relationships, especially those of friendships, I am still holding unto a sense of inferiority – where I feel that I am fortunate and lucky to be able to spend time with the other person, and secretly, deep within me, feel that I do not really deserve it. This belief then creates a tendency within me to compromise and change myself with others to make sure that they like me and that I retain the friendship. Seeing this, I realized that one important point that I will have to change is HOW I approach relationships. I cannot accept and allow a inequality within me, in the sense that I am either less, or more, than the other person, and that I hence have to fight, or that the other person have to fight, to retain the connection. In order for me to be stable in relationships, the approach must be one of equality, where I share myself, naturally, as who I am with another, and also realizing that whether the connection leads to a deeper connection or not, that is not something that I can control.

Secondly, I could see, realize and understand that in order to grow and expand when it comes to relationships in my life, I have to be the one that takes the initiative, and invite, communicate, push to share and give of myself, and at times, that will not be reciprocated, and other times it will. However, what is important to remember is that I cannot accept and allow MY expression within it all to change depending on whether my approaches are reciprocated or not – it must be something that I do from within and as a starting point of self-trust, self-love and self-worth – and where it hence does not matter how others will respond.

Thirdly, I could see that what this entire situation has shown me, is that I still have a lot of work to be done on my self-image and self-value – and hence I have pushed myself to be grateful for the various patterns that have opened up within and through this event – and utilized this way of approaching my reactions to let go of blame and resentment. Because I know that it is never about others, it is always about myself, and my relationship with myself.


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Day 244: Revolt

In the adult world there are many traditions, habits and social niceties that just doesn’t make any sense. For example, if you’re invited to another, and they are offering dinner; you can’t start eating until they say it’s okay to start eating. Other strange points is that you’re not allowed to eat with the fork in your right hand, you can’t eat with your mouth open, you have to say thank you when you get something, etc. There are literally thousands of these rules, and as children, we’re mostly exempted from them. Then, as we come into our adult years, suddenly we’re supposed to follow these rules, and make them part of our lives.

My reaction towards these nonsense rules was firstly to ignore them, or follow them as little as possible. This works fine if you don’t have any intention of networking, or creating a relationship with a person in the system, it works fine when your focus is to live your own life, and not give a damn about others. Though the moment we make the decision to move out into the system, start creating relationships, and forming networks, we must follow these rules, because if we don’t follow them, the consequence is social exclusion. This is obviously not an optimum condition, though this is how it all works at the moment – to build relationships – you in most cases have to abide by the nonsense social norms that exists in almost all parts of our lives.

Today, I stand in a position, where I have to go into the system and build relationships, and due to that I’ve had to revise my relationship to social norms – I now see, realize and understand, that in order to have success in building relationships – I require to play the game. And here is the important point to ALWAYS remember – that the key in playing the game is to be IN this world but not OF this world. See, it’s a major difference – because when we’re IN this world but not OF this world – we don’t accept and allow the game to define who we are. We instead play the game, knowing that it’s a game, and that it’s not a point that changes who we are on the inside – instead we’re clear on our PURPOSE, our STARTING POINT, our DIRECTION, or WHY – we know what we do, and it’s not something that just happens because everyone else is doing it.

Thus lately, I’ve been practicing playing the game – and this has been difficult to me because I have a tendency to feel diminished, and limited when I follow these rules – as if my freedom of expression somehow is being diminished, and that I am being disempowered, because I can’t express myself as I usually do when I am alone. This sometimes leads me into attempting to revolt, where I create these small insurgencies, and break the rules, to feel free – though the problem here is that I then compromise the relationship that I was building with the person. Because I didn’t play the game as is expected, they might in some way react to me, which compromises my opportunities in terms of utilizing that particular relationship to move myself, and create my purpose, and direction in this world.

As such, for those out there still existing in a state of revolt, that do wish to have an impact in this world, and create a change for the many, I suggest that you let go of this revolt-character, and embrace the game – because realize that – in order to change the system, you have to walk into the system. You have to walk into the belly of the beast, and from there, stand as a living example, and in order to manage that – it’s required that you follow the basic social customs of the world system. And really, these rules, all that they can cause us, when we follow them, is that we’ll for a moment look silly, or do something that doesn’t make any sense – though after a split second or two – the moment will have passed and then we can again focus ourselves unto that which is important – to create a life that is best for all and utilize all resources in our lives to move that point of creation into fruition.

Day 218: Recognizing Myself

One emotional experience that have come up recently with more force and fervor has been that of looking at my life, my relationships and daily living – and then comparing this to the lives of others – and in that making a conclusion – that apparently my life is a failure – my life is not good enough – and I’ve not established or walked a sufficiently fulfilling life.

For some context in terms of how the point emerged within me. I was scrolling through Facebook, and then saw a post from an old friend – and decided to see what he’s been up to. I saw that he’d acquired a new job, and that he’d been left with many comments, where his former work colleagues shared with him how much he was going to be missed at his old job.

This then triggered the particular experience within me, where I had this image come up in my mind of my bedroom as I wake up in the morning, and then followed by backchat, that was charged with an energy of failure – thus these statements emerged where I was berating myself for not through my life having created more relationships with people where they would write similar things to me – as to how much they were going to miss me and feel sad that I couldn’t be a part of their lives anymore.

The energy that was triggered by the thought and the backchat was failure – and I felt like an underachiever. What I did in that moment was to slow down, and immediately apply self-forgiveness on the energy as well as the backchat – and this assisted and supported me to clear the experience and return to the stability of breathing and being here with my human physical body. Though because this experience was intense and it’s come up several times – I saw that it was required for me to investigate it more closely.

Now, in analyzing and picking a part this experience – I’m able to see that the origin of this point is a lack of self-acceptance – and the problem is that I’ve defined self-acceptance in a relationship to success – and success in association to attaining fame and popularity in the system – because hey – that is what I saw in the comments that where directed towards my friend – he seemed popular, liked and appreciated!

Obviously, the most burning of questions is why I don’t give that appreciation to myself – or rather HOW I don’t give that appreciation and acceptance to myself – because if I was appreciating and accepting myself – would I then experience this urge and want of having others seeing, recognizing and valuing me? No – I wouldn’t.

Thus – HOW am I not giving this to myself? The first thing I’m able to see is that I don’t accept and allow myself to recognize myself for what I actually HAVE DONE and ACCOMPLISHED in my life – because there are a few things I’ve done that took great effort and willpower – that I’m actually proud over when looking back. Though that is not something that I yet allow myself to really embrace – thus – the first point of self-correction and living application that I see I can implement in my process of correcting this point – is to accept and allow myself to recognize what I’ve done and accomplished – and in that allow myself to be proud over and satisfied with myself – and thus accept and allow that point of self-recognition and self-appreciation to come through instead of hoping that others are going to give it to me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize myself – and accept and allow myself to be proud over and satisfied with the points that I’ve accomplished in my life – that I’ve given effort into and walked to perfection – and that I’ve really had to push and will myself through resistances and limitations in order to create – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate my strengths, skills, aptitudes, talents and capabilities – and what I am in-fact effective and good at – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take myself for granted – and to compare myself with others and berate me for the weaknesses I have – instead of assisting and supporting myself to strengthen my strengths – to enhance those points in myself where I’m already effective and potent – and thus place my focus and attention on what I’m able to create in my life – instead of that which I perceive to be a problem and that I’m not able to walk

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never be satisfied and content with myself – even though I accomplish a great feat and really push myself to establish a particular point that do requires effort – to believe that I am not worthy of recognition, praise and acceptance – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy the behavior of my parents – living and creating a belief that I must never be satisfied with myself because that is apparently not something that I am accepted and allowed to give to myself – because apparently I am flawed and less than – and thus doomed to for an eternity walk in this life thirsting for acceptance yet never really ever finding a place of comfort for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the consequence of me at all times expecting more from myself – and not allowing myself to look back and see all the effective and cool points that I’ve manifested for myself – is that I am breaking myself down – instead of accepting and allowing myself to build myself – to through seeing what I’ve created and what I’ve been able to do – further push myself and become even more enthusiastic with regards to my self-creation process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the flawed starting point and premise that I’m apparently not worthy of self-acceptance, being proud over myself, and being satisfied with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when always being discontent with myself and my efforts – I will be able to produce greater results – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when I am berating and judging myself – I’m in-fact breaking myself down – making me less capable and driven – because I generate an emotional experience within me of feeling like a failure – that then draws all my attention – instead of me placing my focus, effort and attention upon me creating myself as life – building myself as life – and walking my life to get done and establish that which is required to be established

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize myself for having dedicated several years of my to myself with regards to walking this process of self-creation – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize myself for having soon completed a university education – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that in my life, and in that in myself which is effective, which is working – where I’m actually producing results that I should be satisfied with – because the results are actually very cool

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize myself for having walked through my resistances and pushed myself to progress in my Desteni I Process course – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this point for granted – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that it’s something I’ve actually walked with great effort and that I’ve invested a lot of will power into – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself credit for that which I’ve walked and established

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that only because I recognize myself – and see my achievements – that this doesn’t have to mean that I will become complacent and self-conceited – because obviously I can still push and will myself to create my life – yet when I recognize and actually accept and allow myself to see my progress – I create this natural drive and motivation to push myself – because I’m able to see the results – I’m able to see what I’m creating and what outflows and effects my creation have on myself and in the relationships in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself credit for having pushed myself to participate as a host in the Desteni Hangouts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this point for granted as something that I simply should be doing – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s actually a commitment that I’ve made and that I’ve walked for quite some time – and that it’s been a point I’ve invested effort into and thus not something that just came to me easily – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize that point in my life and in myself as something that I walked and created that I can in-fact be proud over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and be hard on myself for having difficulties in creating networks and relationships with other people – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s unnecessary for me to go into this state of harshness and judgmental attitude – rather I commit myself to be forgiving – to accept myself as I am at the moment – and then from that starting point begin to push myself to become more effective in creating networks and relationships – not from a starting point of thinking that I am bad, wrong or unfitting in my current state – rather that I push myself from within and as a starting point of me wanting to expand and move myself beyond my limitations – because I enjoy it and find it fascinating – and because I’ve been able to do so with many other points in my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that a thought arise within me of me berating and judging myself, for me apparently having a boring, unsatisfactory, inferior lifestyle in comparison with others, in terms of being accepted, recognized and seen, being popular and having many relationships – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that this idea within me that I’m apparently a inferior human being isn’t aligned with reality – because there are many things in my life that I can be proud over, that I can give myself credit for, that I can be truly satisfied with – and thus I commit myself to recognize these aspects of my life – to give myself credit for what I’ve created and established – to give myself credit for my strengths, my skills, talents and aptitudes – and in that recognize, see and accept myself

When and as I see that I am berating and judging myself, for me not as I perceive others are able to do, creating relationships, networks, and doing these ‘fun’ ‘eventful’ and ‘interesting’ pastime activities with others – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in approaching these weaknesses of mine from this starting point of judgment, I’m in-fact only breaking myself down, and placing even further away from moving into a solution – and thus I commit myself to accept myself as I am at this stage – and from this starting point of unconditional self-acceptance – move myself to change – to direct myself – and to create myself in those areas of my life where I see that I’m not very effective or potent – and that there is more to build and create – more things to explore, realize and live

Day 122: Expectations, Proof of Insanity?

ExpectationsI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on my surrounding environment, on the people in my world, on the relationships in my world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this set idea in my mind as to how I want people to be, behave, and what characteristics I want them to have – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, frustrated, irritated and annoyed when and as I feel that people in my world do not have the characteristics that I want and desire them to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want people in my world to be disciplined, and to be strong, to not complain, and not bother me with their worldly problems – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation in my mind on how I want people to be, on how I want them to interact, on how I want them to see life, and be in relationship to their own life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this expectation, and idea of how I want people to be, that it isn’t real, it isn’t a factual part of life, it is just my ideas, experiences, and feelings about this world, people, and this reality – and thus I am expecting this world to be like my mind expects it to be which is obviously completely insane

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated, and irritated when and as my expectations aren’t fulfilled, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my world and reality when my expectations aren’t fulfilled as I want them to be, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I can’t expect my world and reality to be like I want it to be, and that my wants, and desires, and expectations aren’t real – they are not in-fact a part of reality and thus it’s completely insane for me to expect my desires, wants, and expectations to be mirrored in reality, and to have results in reality, and that my reality is to shape itself according to what I am participating in within my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed and frustrated when people in my world does not live up to my expectations of them, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect of people that they are supposed to be motivated, and disciplined, and that they are supposed to have a drive to want to improve themselves, and become better, more effective, and stronger – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and irritated when and as I perceive that people in my life have no such will, and that they seemingly do not care about becoming better or more – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught within and as this expectation in my mind as to how I want people to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation of people, that they are supposed to care for their environment, be considerate, and precise, and specific in regards for caring for their environment, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, irritated and frustrated when people in my world doesn’t live up to this idea in my mind of I believe and think that people should be, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am holding unto this imaginary idea of how I believe and think that people should be, an idea that is not real, and that is not represented in reality, and thus I become disappointed, and annoyed time and time again, because people just doesn’t fit into my idea of how I think they should be; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to get to know and see people in my world unconditionally, without judgments, without expectations, without any form of cloth of thought between me and them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations on myself as to who I should be, how I should live, how I should experience myself, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry, annoyed, irritated and frustrated when and as I do not live up to my own expectations of how I believe that I should be, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the limited nature of expectations, and how in holding unto expectations I am not accepting and allowing myself to see myself – and I am instead seeing but a idea of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to see myself unconditionally as how I exist here, and to as such remove all blankets, and cloths before my eyes, so that I am able to see myself here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have a expectation on myself I am in-fact hiding parts of myself and deliberately refusing to recognize them, and as such I just leave them to be and occasionally when they pop up within me, I instead of direct them, work with them, and release, react in frustration and anger and suppress them – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of expectations on myself and others, to be perfect, without flaws, disciplined, motivated, and self-moving at all times, without any form of imperfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand I am creating unnecessary consequences within me through having an idea of myself as who I am supposed to be, and how I am supposed to be, and each time that I am not living up to this idea within me, go into a reaction irritation, anger and frustration – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can in-fact live without reaction, without experiences, without ideas, and self-definitions as to who and what I am supposed to be – and that it’s really completely without cause and reason to have expectations on myself because they aren’t even real to begin with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the veil of expectations, and realize that they are no practical use, they are of no practical relevance, they are merely these unnecessary points in the way for me in regards to seeing myself, seeing this world, seeing people, understanding myself, understanding this world, understanding people – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally release myself from the grasp of expectations and allow myself to see what is here with fresh untainted eyes – free from expectations

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am creating an expectation of someone in my mind, or talking about someone in my mind as to what I think that they should be doing, and what I think they shouldn’t be doing, comparing them with my expectations of them, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that my expectations are obviously not real – my expectations are obviously not valid and as such it’s without reason and cause to hold unto them; as such I commit myself to let go of these expectations and see what is here for what it is – nothing more and nothing less

When and as I see that I am becoming angry and frustrated because someone in my world is not acting, behaving and living as I expect of them, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how it is that I am in-fact creating this resistance and energy within me, because I have a dream in my head as a story that I believe my physical reality should be like, and look like, which is completely mental; as such I commit myself to be HERE with reality and not superimpose a mind based story on reality – but to see directly what is here for what it is – nothing more and nothing less

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Day 85: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Lately I’ve been having some very specific reactions of anger in relation to certain peoples in my world. Thus, here in this blog I am going to investigate this reaction, to see how it is that I’ve created this reaction within me, and to also let it go through applying self-forgiveness, and committing myself to not anymore re-create this particular point.

Let’s get into it: the context of this reaction is that a particular person in my world, and here understand that it’s irrelevant who this person is, because it’s not about that other person, the reaction is a outflow consequence of my relationship with myself – thus the focus is me and not the other person – let’s continue: this particular person in my world acts in a way that I perceive as being disrespectful, inconsiderate, and laconic – I perceive that this person is getting a free ride on work that I am doing, when he/she is well enough capable of putting down his weight behind the carriage as well.

The primary point of the reaction is that I feel I am doing more, I am giving it my all, I am pushing the point, but this other person doesn’t.

Then comes the question, why does this make me angry, and frustrated? Is it possibly as such that I am doing exactly the same as what I perceive this person to be doing? Is it possibly as such that I am doing the least possible amount of work in certain areas of my life, just the same as what I perceive this other person to be doing?

In relation to my writings I’d like to, before I continue, interject a small notification here in relation to how I am writing out this point, observe how I am utilizing the word “perceive” when I describe what I feel in relation to this other person. This is a very specific choice of words, because within this I am in-fact making the statement that I actually don’t know what the other person is doing, and that it’s really not relevant, because what is relevant is my relationship with myself, and the reaction that is coming up within me, thus I use the word “perceive” the assist and support myself to bring back the point to myself, and make sure there is no room for blame that can rob me of my moment of transcendence.

Thus, continuing – now the cool part about life, living, and how I experience myself within that, is that EVERYTHING is a mirror reflection of myself; thus when I experience any form of reaction towards any point in this world, this ALWAYS says something about my relationship with myself. In regards to anger, the specific point that such a reaction usually tends to mirror, is that I am doing something that I don’t want to admit that I am doing, and then I am pushing this unto another so that I won’t have to deal with it.

The pertinent question is thus, am I laconic somewhere in my world? Do I give the least amount of effort somewhere in my world? Do I enjoy a free ride on others somewhere in my world? Here I am able to see that, yes, I’ve accepted and allowed myself to do this in regards to certain work-responsibilities, wherein I’ve known that I require to give more effort, time, and participate more with my work to get the results I want, but I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to do so, because I’ve rather valued entertainment, and my hobbies as being more important.

The solution is thus to correct this particular point within me, to learn to prioritize, and to make room for my hobbies, and some entertainment each day, yet not accept and allow this point to be walked at the expense of my commitments, and my responsibilities, that obviously must come first, because they are important, have a real factual impact not only in my life, but in the life’s of others, and thus it’s important that I walk such points to the fullest of my abilities, and not accept and allow myself to compromise such points, because I am not prioritizing my time effectively.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the simple point of walking my commitments and responsibilities first, and then when I am done with these, accepting and allowing myself to enjoy entertainment, and my hobbies, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest, and self-disciplined in terms of prioritizing my time, wherein I’ve accepted and allowed myself to compromise my responsibilities, and my commitments in order to get to walk my interests, and my hobbies, and to feel, and become entertained, and within that missing the important point, that my responsibilities, and commitments obviously come before me feeling entertained, and me being able to dive into my hobbies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest in prioritizing my time during my day according to my commitments, and responsibilities, to as such make sure that I am not creating any form of consequence in my world, through not pushing myself to remain self-honest, and walk with, and work with that which is in-fact important; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that the slight guilt, and discomfort that I’ve experienced, as I’ve allowed myself to immerse myself into and as my hobbies, and interest, that this experience is specific, and is in-fact a signal to myself that I am not effectively prioritizing my time, but instead giving into my desires, and wants, instead of looking what is required to be done and acting accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am really very aware within myself of when I am compromising my responsibilities, and commitments, but that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to recognize, and understand the fact that I am aware, and that this awareness of what I am doing takes form in a experience of discomfort, and guilt; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stand, and walk in and as self-honesty in regards to my commitments, and my responsibilities in life, and as such make sure that I am first tending to points that must be walked, that must be finished, to must be taken into and as a practical solution, and then when I am doing with such points, I walk what I desire, what I want, such as my hobbies and interests; and within this I see, realize, and understand that this is the only way to walk my life that will not produce aversive consequences for myself, or anyone else in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I can’t run away from myself, and that there is in-fact such a thing as integrity, and that I know when I do not stand equal to integrity within myself, and I know when I do not act, and I do not live, and I do not make decisions in consideration of what is best for all, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and push myself to align myself with and as integrity in every moment of breath, wherein a part of this would be that I prioritize my time according to what must be done, and is required to be done, and not according to what I feel like doing, what I desire to do, and what I experience would be the most fulfilling to do – but that I instead look at my world, and my reality practically, and accordingly make a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there is no such thing as being able to go against what I know is best for all without consequence, I mean the consequence is always accumulating and the proof of this is that I become angry and frustrated when and as I do not act, and walk within and as what I know is best for all, and what I know is support, and assisting, for not only myself, but my world as a whole; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself within and as the principle of life, as giving as I’d like to receive, and walking this through amongst other things, prioritizing my time – and making sure that I first get to walk my commitments, and my responsibilities, and when I am done with these, that I then accept and allow myself to get into that which I find enjoyable as my hobbies, and interests

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all it takes for me to change this point, is that I change my perspective on living, and that I instead of just looking at my feelings as I make decisions, look at the practical outflows of the decisions; and within this it’s obvious common sense that the practical outflow of not accepting and allowing myself to stick with, and walk with my commitments, and my responsibilities, is that I am going to compromise my commitments, and responsibilities, and that I won’t be able to get the results that I want to have, and that I see is best for me, as well as best for my world as a whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contaminate my decision making skills, and abilities, through accepting and allowing myself to look at decisions, to look at my commitments, and my responsibilities, and the time I’ve through-out my day, through and as energy, as experience, instead of looking at what is practical, what is required to be done, what must be done, and how I am able to walk this particular point in a way that will be assisting, and supporting for all, and that will bring through this point of growth in my world, not only for me, but for all as one as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simplicity of changing this point, and that it’s all about making a decision, that I will simply not do that which I desire, want, and like to do first, but that I will do that which is required to be done, which is needed to be done, which is a practical responsibility that can’t be pushed away, first – and then when I am doing with that – I will accept and allow myself to give myself some time to do what I enjoy as my interests and hobbies; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice structuring my time, structuring my day, and making sure that I walk my day physically, practically, here, and not through experience

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a desire, of wanting to do what I enjoy, like, and find pleasure in doing, even though I have responsibilities, and commitments are still required to be walked, and sorted out; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am compromising myself, and my relationship with myself, when I don’t stick to walking, and push my commitments, and responsibilities, as the points that must be walked, before I allow myself to take time to immerse myself into interests, and hobbies; as such I commit myself to make the simple decision to not follow this desire, and this energy – but instead first do what I require to do, what must be done – as my commitments, and my responsibilities, and when I am doing with that – to then do that which I like to do, and that which I have as a hobby; thus first – responsibility – then play and games

When and as I see that I am becoming angry, and frustrated at others for feeling that they are not taking care, and handling their responsibilities effectively, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me reflecting me back to myself, and that I am really seeing myself, and that thus I require to look into my world, and see how it is that I am doing the same, compromising my responsibilities, and commitments, in favor of experience; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here – and to change myself, and walk my responsibilities, and commitments first – to get these done – and then walk what I’d like to do

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