Tag Archives: responsibility

Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure

I have worked a lot with fear, anxiety and insecurity in relation to work and managed to stabilize myself in many dimensions/areas. However, what is cool, and also challenging about my work, is that I am continuously moving into more expansive positions of responsibility, which then opens up new experiences/dimensions of anxiety, fear and insecurity. I have realized that there are a couple of things that assists and supports me to remain stable at work. Firstly, structuring and planning my work thoroughly assists and supports me to remain stable. Secondly, preparing myself and devoting the time and effort required for me to be fully knowledgeable as to the point I am directing assists and supports me to remain stable. Though, recently with work, because I have been given new responsibilities, it has been more difficult to fall back on my previous tools.

There are primarily two things that builds this pressure within me. It is the fear of making a mistake, mishandling my responsibilities, and facing critique/anger from colleagues and others – and it is the feeling that there is too much, too many responsibilities, and too little time for me to effectively handle them. The latter of these pressure points is not only mind-based – it is a fact that I have little time – and to get to all my responsibilities – it is hence important that I am efficient, precise, prepared and structured – because that enables me to walk through it effectively. The former, the fear of mishandling my responsibilities, is however a mind point, in the sense that, it does not make sense to worry about critique/anger that I might potentially face from others, as it should not affect who I am anyway. Hence, it is these two points, and my relationship to these points that I want to work with. If I am able to stabilize these points – I know that I will be able to work and care for my responsibilities without going into pressure/anxiety/fear.

Thus during the past week I have worked with the word STRUCTURE. Initially I found this word empty and vague. Though, as I considered, looked at, and practiced implementing structure into my life, I came to see that structure is very much practical. Living the word structure is not the same as having routines – because routines does not necessarily have to be structured. In the word structured there is an element of prudence, sagacity and foresight. When something is structured, it is planned, it is considered, it is a plan develop with clarity and understanding. A routine on the other hand is simply something I do because I have done it other times. Structuring my life requires intelligence and self-movement.

I practiced structure through pushing myself to take one day each week, either at the beginning or the end, to plan the week ahead, using ‘to-do-lists’ and basic timetables. This then gave me the opportunity to slow down and look at my work and my home-life from a birds eye-view – which would allow me to prioritize, plan-ahead, consider, refine, and prepare myself for the week to come – so that nothing would come as a surprise. The results of this practice was that I remained grounded and stable throughout my week. When something unexpected came along, I dealt with that, however when that point was sorted out, I would return to the plan.

Another way which I would live structure was to already before I went to take my coffee break, decide on how long it was going to be. I did this because I have a tendency to otherwise, sit at the table, and wait until some of my colleagues leave, and then get up and back to work. However, when I do that, this is sometimes compromising, because I will loose time, that would have been better used working. This, similarly supported me to remain stable, to know what was coming, to know what I was doing, when I was doing it, and how I was doing it.

Hence, structure, a very interesting word, and I have come to see that it is in-fact practical, concrete and very much earthed. Living and integrating structure has however been quite challenging, because I have a tendency to ‘flow out’ into unstructured and spontaneous activity – and although I enjoy this form of expression at times – it is not very supportive to live like this all the time. In other words, it is always supportive to have a direction, though that should not limit me from improvising when it is needed, or I decide to do so, because it is something that I want to experience.

I will continue to experiment with the word structure in the week to come. Will be back with updates.

 


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Day 374: Irrational Priorities

For a while I have pushed myself to take on and develop carpentry as a hobby for myself. In this process I have come up with and walked several creative projects in and around my house, which I have found enjoyable, fascinating and challenging. However, in taking on this hobby, I also became aware of another pattern – that of irrational prioritization and placing an unmotivated amount of value on projects/things/tasks – that in turn creates stress, anxiety and worry.

Irrational prioritization is when something, that when observed in a wider context, is of no real impact, is seen as REALLY important. This happened to me with my carpentry hobby. I would come home from work and be tired, cook food, and then to my great dismay find that I had only a small amount of time left to devote myself to my hobby. Other times I would find that I had no time at all. Because of this I started to feel stress and resentment – stress because I had no time to do what I wanted to do/felt was important for me to accomplish – and resentment – because I felt that my work was stealing all of my valuable time that I could have devoted to my hobby.

However, I realized that I could not continue this way of relating to my hobby – and I saw that there was a misalignment with regards to how I prioritized my time. I looked at the point and saw the following: My hobby, it must be something that I do for and as myself, something where I develop and expand myself, my skills, my application, and where I do so as a moment of enjoyment. Carpentry as such is not something that requires me to complete projects, and there is no need to feel stress when I do not have enough time to apply myself within the hobby during a couple of days.

What is of REAL priority and REAL necessity in my life is in-fact such things as MONEY, FOOD, WATER, CLOTHES, TRANSPORTATION, HOUSING, HYGIENE – if those things are not in place there will be consequences – and thus they are a real of REAL importance – REAL priority. If those points are not aligned effectively, and I do not have enough time to get to them, there is a real problem – however – when I do not have enough time to get to my hobby – that is not a problem – it is not an issue – it is simply me not having the time to commit to my hobby.

Thus – what I have come to see is that a lot of my stress have been based on irrational assessments as to how important certain things are in my life. When I have defined and established the real priority/importance of a task/activity – it has been a lot easier to structure my life and move myself without stress. If I have had to little time to get to all the things I have wanted to accomplish, it has been easy to let go of the points that are of no real consequence – and then continue with my day.


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Day 342: Creating Expansion, Movement and Challenges

A year ago I finished my education and some months thereafter I began my first job. I have now worked at this job for about a year, and up until some months ago, I found most of the activities within my job refreshing and enjoyable. Most of the things were new to me, and hence I was challenged daily, which I loved. I had to really push, and exert myself to learn and expand. Then without much warning, I was through the difficult times. I had learned the basics of the job, and I was moving myself quite effortlessly within my responsibilities.

What then opened up was an experience of boredom. I could see that I was plateauing in my growth process, however, I did not see that as my responsibility. I thought that the fault was in my job, and that I had now learned the basics of my position, and that there was thus nothing in it for me any longer. What started to come through more and more was emotions; blame, depression, tiredness, apathy and listlessness. I did not see the enjoyment in my work anymore, because the challenge was gone.

Looking back at my life, I have had a tendency of taking on a new craft or skill, pushing myself diligently to learn and master it, and then, when I started to feel as if I was plateauing, I would give up and move unto something different. The consequence of this behavior was that I did not learn something in depth – I was a jack of all trades, yet master of none. This is similar to what I have been going through recently, where my job is no longer a novelty and does not supply me with challenges, difficulties, and points to overcome. It has become a job, something I know, and have to do, and nothing more.

Now, when I look at this point, one thing that stands out is how I have approached tasks, projects, skills, and also work, within a form of laziness. Not laziness from the perspective that I  compromised my work, though laziness in the sense that I expected and wanted my work or the project to give me a challenge. Inside my mind, I viewed the point I was walking into as a ‘fun house’ that was supposed to refresh and charge me up – however when the novelty disappeared – that did not happen anymore. Hence, I was lazy from the perspective that I expected to be moved, to be inspired, to be stimulated, to be pushed, and I did not approach to point from the starting point of ME standing the point of taking responsibility for myself, that I would challenge myself, that I would push myself, that I would find ways and seek new venues and expressions, so that I could move and further myself within the particular skill/ability/project/work.

The problem thus has never been, with reference to this instance, my work – no – it has always been my relationship to work, how I decided to approach and look at work. Challenge, novelty, movement, expansion, and pushing myself, I should never have expected that my work would give that to me. Obviously, when something is new, it will for a moment be challenging, however, when that honeymoon phase is past, I must take responsibility to push myself, and expand myself within my profession. At that point I cannot rely upon my work doing anything for me. Instead, I must take matter into my own hands and actively look at where I am able to learn more, where I am able to expand, where I can push and enhance myself, and where I am able to further my expression.

It is fascinating thus to see, that so far, the technique that I have used to challenge myself, has been to look up and try to place myself in challenging environments, through changing jobs, changing education, or committing myself to a new hobby. Even though this has supported me and spiced things up, it has also been a limitation, as I have not taken the responsibility, taken matter into my own hands, and really, diligently pushed myself to expand where I was at.

And another thing to take into consideration is that I can only become really good at something, if I do it several times. If I only skim the surface, how can I then ever become an expert in my field? It is not possible. In-fact, it is not the routine and repetition in itself that has been bothering me, the big problem is that I react to routine and repetition and believe myself to be limited and contained. Though, this is not true, even though there might be routine and repetition in my life, there is always room to expand, explore, push, improve and move further.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my job will reinvent itself, and stimulate me, and that my job is going to make my life enjoyable, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am not able to rely upon my job, that I am not able to blame my job when I feel that I am stuck in a rut, without expanding or improving – and in-fact – the real problem is that I have not taken self-direction in my relationship with work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be stimulated instead of taking self-responsibility and looking at how I am able to stimulate myself within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be stimulated – and thus not push and drive myself to expand – to look at how I am able to empower myself – strengthen myself – push myself – and will myself to become more effective within what I am doing – and thus I commit myself to each day – look at how I can expand – to never be satisfied with where I am at – but constantly push myself to reach new heights of expression and direction – to not be satisfied with being ‘good’ at something – but push myself to become excellent within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself to reach excellency – to use that as a motivation regardless of where I am at – to not accept and allow myself to be satisfied with mediocrity – to be average – to know something quite well – and quite effective – but to push myself to become an expert within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I plateau – this is when I must push myself – to look for ways in which I am able to expand and enhance myself – to look for ways in which I am able to acquire further skills – abilities – and strengths – to look at my life and critically examine it – to see if and whether I am able to do more – to see whether I am able to acquire and expand myself within some area of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame work as boring when I know it effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that work should stimulate me – instead of me taking self-responsibility and making sure that I stand as the point of stimulation – that I stand as the point of self-responsibility – that I stand as the point of pushing myself forward – placing no limits on myself – and looking at how and where I am able to expand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop a passion for life – in the sense of always looking at how I am able to expand and move myself forward to the next stage of development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop and push myself to create a passion for expansion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach and build a life where I am satisfied – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that satisfaction, oftentimes goes hand in hand with complacency – where we become lazy, and stop the process of exploration and movement that we would otherwise walk – and thus I commit myself to embrace dissatisfaction – to use it as a motivation to empower and move myself – to use it as a motivation to enhance myself – and bring myself to the next level of development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that nothing is going to come by itself – that nothing is going to happen by itself – and that if I want challenges in my life – then I must actively pursue and create them – I must actively look at how I am able to make my life challenging – through for example – in my work – looking at how I am able to expand my understanding of work – of how I am able to take on more tasks and responsibilities at work – of looking at how I am able to really expand and become effective at my work

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself blaming my world, my reality, for being boring, not challenging, routine and repetition with no movement, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I stop – and I see, realize and understand, that for movement, change and expansion to happen, I must move myself, I must push myself, I cannot expect that things will simply happen by themselves, as they will not – and thus I commit myself to be on my toes – and to continuously be on the look out for how I am able to change myself – push and expand myself – and reach the next stage of development and expression

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for making my life challenging, expansive, fulfilling, and enjoyable – through not expecting to be stimulated – but rather – pushing and willing myself to improve and expand – constantly being on the look out for opportunities – and seizing the opportunities when they arise


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Day 298: Cooperation, The Antidote To Fame Issues

For some time now I have been facing two conflicts in me. One of these has been in relation to purpose, were I have experienced that the way I approach purpose is forced, and instead of it coming naturally, it has been a constant point conflict. An example of how this conflict would play out was through me doubting what purpose I should pick for myself, what direction that I should place my focus unto, etc. The other point of conflict has been in relation to career, and work, where I have been conflicted about what direction to go into.

So, through communicating about these points with a fellow destonian, I was able to see that these conflicts stemmed from believes, as well as a desire – more specifically – the desire to become famous. I was assisted to find a word that would support me to step out of this programming and hence the word cooperation opened up. This made sense to me, because in cooperation, there is no one individual that is winning or being more than any other. When cooperating it is instead a common goal, and a common direction that takes precedence, and what is important is how well the cooperation is working, not whether one individual is doing more, or being better than any other.

Hence, in this blog I will redefine and establish the word cooperation within me – how I can live and apply this word in my life and utilize it to support me through the desire for fame.

My current understanding of and how I have lived cooperation

The way I have lived cooperation up to this point in my life has been primarily in relation to work. At work, I have enjoyed cooperation, and finding ways to work together as a team with my colleagues – and fascinatingly enough – at work I am not that worried about me not becoming recognized, or seen because of my efforts. Instead I have put in my work load, because I want to do my part for the team.

At home however, I have been less effective when it comes to cooperation. Often, I have tried to get out of undesired responsibilities and commitments that I have been asked to assist with, and I currently view household work, not as a cooperation, but more as something that I have to get done as a individual effort.

I do however enjoy cooperation when I give myself to it and allow myself to unconditionally assist and support another in their efforts. Then I see the work done as a cooperation – something done together to achieve a commonly desired result.

Dictionary definition of cooperation

  • The action or process of working together to the same end.
    • Assistance, especially by complying readily with requests.
    • Economics; the formation and operation of cooperatives.

Sounding of the word

Co-operation
Co-operate
Co-up-the-rate
Common-operation
Co-up-rate
Co-up-right

The direct translation from swedish is ‘to-work-together’.

Etymology

late 15c., from Middle French coopération, or directly from Late Latin cooperationem (nominative cooperatio) “a working together,” noun of action from past participle stem of cooperari “to work together” from com- “with” + operari “to work”

Being creative; looking at how this word can be lived

In sounding the word, the sounds CO and OPERATION comes through – hence the sounds are clear – cooperation means working together. In swedish the direct translation of cooperation is ‘working together’ – and thus there is really no conundrums with this word. The meaning is clear.

A different thing to look at would be how to live this word. In looking at my own life, I see that I can implement cooperation into how I look at for example household responsibilities, and living together with others, and also when it comes to bringing through a change in this world. Because, when I look at changing this world, usually I see this as being only my responsibility, and a feat that will be accomplished by primarily my efforts – however in looking at world change through cooperation – it is clear that I will only but play a part. There is none more or less important, as we will all stand a particular point in the process of change – it will as such be a collaborate effort – a cooperation.

Thus, to embrace and live cooperation more in my life, I can start by looking at responsibilities, commitments, and other processes of life, from a holistic vantage point – seeing all the various lives involved in a process of creation, who benefits, what outflows there are, and understanding that it is a collaborative effort.

Another aspect of this is when looking at structures of hierarchy. In the system, the top chief, the commander, is seen as being of utmost importance. Though, for the structure (the group, or army in this case) to function and be the best that it can be, all parts of the organization must be effective and work towards result that the group as a whole wants to achieve. It is as such fuzzy logic to view only the top of the organization as important, because in order for the group to move – all the small parts and their individual efforts are equally important.

Redefining the word

Working together to achieve a commonly envisioned goal

Day 296: Redefining Purpose

Creating my purpose, which is a process I have walked actively for a while now. I have from time to time experienced myself conflicted in this process, and mostly this has been related to the feeling that things are not moving fast enough, that I am not getting through, that I am not getting the feedback, and response I would like. This in turn have caused me to start to doubt the purpose I have given myself, and wonder if I am doing something wrong, or whether maybe walking into the wrong direction.

I have decided to look more deeply into this recurring experience to see where it is coming from. What I have realized is that there is an undercurrent of desire existing in my definition and understanding of purpose, and that the conflict I experience is actually consisting of a polarity of fear and desire. Now, the desire in my purpose, is to reach a state of notoriety, to be famous, known and well-regarded. You know, like an expert speaking on the television, having the loyal followers, being quoted in books, and seen all over the world as a significant figure. An example of that would be Ghandi, or Martin Luther King – the epitome of a supreme and world known leader.

In analyzing and reflecting on this point I have now realized that having, and walking a purpose, is not real, unless that purpose is walked for a greater cause, something bigger than ME – meaning: A point I create and walk in my life because I see it is of benefit to OTHERS – to this WORLD – it is hence me GIVING of myself. Purpose is not about receiving, purpose is not about ME – and this is what I have not fully grasped. For me purpose has been about becoming someone for others so that I can feel purposeful.

And I cannot blame myself for misunderstanding this, because if we look at the world, and how currently define purpose, mostly it is connected to being ‘special’, ‘unique’, having some form of ‘god given talent’ – for example: I have rarely seen someone exclaim that it is their purpose to pick up trash, or to clean horse stables, or take care of weeds. Mostly purpose, on a world system level, is defined as this great feat of human creation and confined to special and heroic human beings that have lived special lives throughout the course of human history.

Hence, I will here relook at my definition of purpose – what is really purpose?

Current definition of purpose in the dictionary

1 The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists: the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee | the building is no longer needed for its original purpose.

* (Usu. purposes) a particular requirement or consideration, typically one that is temporary or restricted in scope or extent: state pensions are considered as earned income for tax purposes.

2 [Mass noun] a person’s sense of resolve or determination: there was a new sense of purpose in her step as she set off.

Sounding of the word

Pur-pose

Poor-pose

Port-choice

Put-port

Put-purse

Purr-purse

Purr-pose

Peer-parse

Peer-pass

Purr-position

Pour-Pose

The direct translation from Swedish is End-Goal

Creative Writing

In the sound of the word, is the sound PURR – which is the sound cat makes when they enjoy something. When petted, they purr. Then we have the sound pass, purse, or pose – where posing would be a certain position you take.

So, combining these sounds and the meanings of them, we get that purpose is a pose/action/movement we walk which in some way tickles our fancies – meaning – it is something that gets our blood pumping and we purr – we cannot help it – just as the cat cannot help purring when its petted.

And then, the Swedish translation of the word indicates that purpose is also about an END-GOAL – a VISION – something we desire to manifest in this world.

Hence – the question when establishing purpose for myself should be – what makes me purr? What is personal and close to me that I am passionate about – that I can develop and take as pose – a position – in this world? And then – as well – looking at what the END-GOAL – what it is that I want this purr within me to create – how can I – PASS-I-ON this PURR to the world?

Then – we also have the sound combination POUR-POSE – basically implying that something is being poured into a particular shape and form – a pose – a force is being directed to take a particular shape and form. For example, water is being poured into a glass of water, the water then taking the pose of water in a glass.

So, what i see is that purpose is about direction – about guiding energy, and movement. Purpose is a road map for what we do in this world, and do not do – it is the very REASON behind our movement and thus why we POUR our energy/life into a certain POSE in this world.

Redefinition of the word purpose

The reason and vision that moves a point forward

And when it comes to redefining it for the human experience – where focus is on ‘life-purpose’:

The reason and vision which drives me forward to pass it on to the rest of the world

Conclusions:

Hence, when it comes to purpose, it is important to clarify what is the REASON for my LIFE. Meaning, what can I contribute and give the will make a difference and enhance the life, of not only mine, but also the lives of others? Into what POSITION can I pour my life and time?

Then, the VISION must also be established, what is it the I want to create, what is the END-GOAL?

Finally, what is my PASSION? Where and what of myself can I pass unto others that will benefit them? Where are my strengths, my secret powers, those parts of me that I see is needed in the world, and that only I am able to bring; because that is the point which is required for me to take responsibility for – hence – my purpose.

And here it is important to not that passion is NOT an experience. Passion is instead that which I see that I can PASS ON – meaning – that of myself that I see myself giving to the world; as such passion is about giving of myself and not about having an experience.

Day 291: Self-forgiveness on Stress and Work Related Fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become worked up by my office environment – to work myself up into a state of ‘working frenzy’ where I drive myself forward utilizing fear and anxiety – and where I create this state of adrenaline in my body – where I am on a high and I cannot come down to earth – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come down to earth – down to my physical body – down back here to what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become taken for a ride when I am at work in the stress and fear energy that I feel resides in the work environment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist in a state of stress and pressure where I feel constantly pushed to move myself in a state of stress and fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself into this state of anxiety and stress – where I am not grounded – and I do not work and apply myself from a grounded starting point but instead exist in my mind in a state of adrenaline and stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pump myself up into a state of adrenaline when I go to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pump myself up into a state of survival when and as I go to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pump myself up into a state of adrenaline and anxiety and stress when I am working – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate working with stress and anxiety – to associate coming to work and applying myself in work with stress and anxiety – and feel that I am competing with others about being the best that I can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself into working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate working with stress – and associate waking up on a weekday with stress – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot stop, change and direct this experience within me of being stressful and tense when it comes to working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to in real time moments change my way of working – from stress – to instead working here in the physical – being effective and moving myself in breath – one moment at a time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself in real time moments to change myself – re-directing my stress and living instead self-directed, effective, movement – taking a breath – and standing effective efficacious here – taking the role of my own directive principle – and thus stating within me that stress and fear is no longer needed cause I take responsibility for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense up when I am working – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not continuously remind myself that I am more effective when I work in breath – when I work with the physical – when I work and apply myself here and do not accept and allow myself to stress myself in my work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense when I am interacting at my work – and be fearful of my colleagues – and fearful that they think I am not working hard enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful that my boss thinks that I am not working hard enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful that my boss thinks that I am a bad worker and that I produce bad results

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my own survival – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself forward in a state of fear and anxiety – believing that this will assure my survival and make certain that I am not going to lose myself in life in a state of poverty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use stress and fear to impress on my colleagues – and use stress, fear and adrenaline to push myself forward in work – believing that I cannot walk/push myself in work without such chemicals in my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to have chemicals in my body to push myself to do anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to feel a drive to be driven – that I need to feel motivated to be motivated – that I need to feel an urge to move – to move – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as these words by my own decision and choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am charging, and creating this state of adrenaline throughout my day, through participating and moving myself from within and as a stress and fear energy, moving myself from within and as a state of anxiety, instead of moving myself from within and as a physical decision here to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my co-workers, and blame my co-workers for me experiencing and moving myself within and as a state of stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my co-workers for me feeling stressed, thinking that is their making, and if they would relax more, then I would too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must make the decision to stand, the decision to not move myself from this stress energy, the decision to not become influenced, and go into that state of fear that is permeating any form of office

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of stress and fear in believing that I will not be as effective in my work if I do not participate in stress and fear

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself work without stress and fear driving me – and I commit myself to replace my drive with a the desire to expand, improve and become more efficient at what I am doing

I commit myself to remind myself that I am more effective when I do not stress and fear

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to be captivated and entranced by the ‘feel’ at work of stress and anxiety

I commit myself to make a stand within myself and in that decide that I am going to walk my day at the office within and as groundedness and stability – and that I am not going to participate within and as stress

When and as I see myself becoming stress, or building up a charge of adrenaline, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am creating this state through thinking, through participating in the experiences coming up, and that require to in that moment in a direct manner, push through that possession and ground myself back into my physical body – and thus I commit myself to push and will myself through that experience – to be intense in that pushing through – and reground and earth myself here – and apply/work/participate from within and as that state of being grounded – here

Day 285: Grounded In My Responsibilities

One thing that I am really good at is being creative, imagining things, experimenting, finding new ways, and finding solutions to problems. It is a skill that I have developed through my life and that has also been inherent since birth – I have always been this way. Now, this skill, of being flexible and fast in my thought processes also has a downside – and this is hence a weakness that I have had through most my life – the ability to remain grounded and steadfast.

An example of how this polarity plays out is the following. During my weekends I have several responsibilities to attend to. Most importantly is cleaning, and then also tending to the chickens at the farm where I live. Though, what tends to happen is that my imagination starts running, and I concoct several other things I would also like to do; projects I would like to complete, things I would like to build, stuff I would like to investigate and research, etc. I then tend to become worked up about my imaginative ideas, which seem to be so much fun, and then my attention/focus go to these. What consequently happens is that I am not sufficiently grounded/stable in my reality, and because of this I forget responsibilities, I down prioritize things that are important and that should be given priority, and I become absent-minded and forgetful.

The problem as such is that I am not enough grounded in my physical body, not sufficiently steadfast in sticking with my responsibilities, which leads to unwanted consequences. Hence, what I want to change with myself is this point of me accepting and allowing myself to become carried away in imaginations and future plans – and replace this tendency of dreaming myself into states of exhilaration with a stability and sense of being grounded in my physical body. In order to be effective in this life I require having a balance – thus it is no solution to be constantly grounded in the physical, and never accept and allow my imagination to run, to see what possibilities there are for expansion and movement, and it is no solution to be constantly imagining new things, starting new projects and not following through on them.

Imagination and inner projection can be useful when they are self-directed, and when they do not get in the way of my responsibilities here in the physical. Thus something that I can practice, is for example, to give myself a moment each day where I ask myself the question: “Okay, what can be improved, what can be expanded, what is it that I can create in my life that would be of benefit?” – and then otherwise throughout my day, as I am tending to my responsibilities, to practice remaining grounded in the physical, and present with what I am doing. That way I will be able to create a balance in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly active in my imagination, where I create these grand plans, and projects, and I feel really exhilarated, not seeing, realizing and understanding that when I compromise my already existent responsibilities, projects, and commitments when and as I accept and allow myself to exist in a state of constant projection, imagination, and forward motion towards something different than what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice being grounded and steadfast in my decisions, projects, plans and responsibilities, to push through the temptation of imagining other things I could be doing, or other things I could be experiencing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is for me to embrace repetition, and routine, and understand that these words are an important part of creation in this physical reality – that to build and create something – one have to walk the same or similar actions many times over until the point that one wants to create stands here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being grounded here in the physical in itself offers opportunities of discovery, and adventure, where I can for example notice new things, or develop my skills in what I am doing in that moment, become more specific, and expand myself in someway or another, which I would not have been able to do if I instead was in my mind dreaming – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as a physical being – understanding that exhilaration, adventure and excitement are words that I can live within exploring and walking this physical reality here – and that I do not need my mind to stand as and walk my life within and as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to dreaming and imagination, and believe that this is the only way I can experience exhilaration, and excitement – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not experiment with living excitement and exhilaration in my physical reality with my physical body – to see how it is that I can experience these words for real and not just as energy in my mind

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into imagination, projections, and a inner excitement, exaltation, because I can create things in my mind, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to venture into the realm of imagination, I forget what is here, and I do not pay sufficient, and enough attention to what I am doing here in the physical, which leads to me compromising responsibilities, and commitments – and thus I commit myself to remain grounded, physical and steadfast when I am walking through my day – to practice walking with one feet in-front of the other and being aware of every step and movement that I make

I commit myself to take time each day to sit down and look at what I can do with my life, with myself, and the resources I have at my disposal, to as such, each day push myself to expand, and see where I am able to create and expand myself and my reality – and hence I commit myself to direct this process of imagination and inner creation – and thus not accept and allow it to simply happen now and again – when I am not in control – and not specific about what I am doing in my mind

I commit myself to create a balance between imagination/projection/creating my future – and living HERE in the physical – understanding that when I accept and allow myself to venture into imagination-mode while I am doing things here in the physical, I will compromise myself and the moment that I am walking, because my focus and attention will be elsewhere – and hence I commit myself to be specific within myself when I accept and allow myself to go into ‘future-creation’ mode – to create it within myself as a decision and do this in moments when I am not compromising my relationship with this physical world