Tag Archives: routine

Day 342: Creating Expansion, Movement and Challenges

A year ago I finished my education and some months thereafter I began my first job. I have now worked at this job for about a year, and up until some months ago, I found most of the activities within my job refreshing and enjoyable. Most of the things were new to me, and hence I was challenged daily, which I loved. I had to really push, and exert myself to learn and expand. Then without much warning, I was through the difficult times. I had learned the basics of the job, and I was moving myself quite effortlessly within my responsibilities.

What then opened up was an experience of boredom. I could see that I was plateauing in my growth process, however, I did not see that as my responsibility. I thought that the fault was in my job, and that I had now learned the basics of my position, and that there was thus nothing in it for me any longer. What started to come through more and more was emotions; blame, depression, tiredness, apathy and listlessness. I did not see the enjoyment in my work anymore, because the challenge was gone.

Looking back at my life, I have had a tendency of taking on a new craft or skill, pushing myself diligently to learn and master it, and then, when I started to feel as if I was plateauing, I would give up and move unto something different. The consequence of this behavior was that I did not learn something in depth – I was a jack of all trades, yet master of none. This is similar to what I have been going through recently, where my job is no longer a novelty and does not supply me with challenges, difficulties, and points to overcome. It has become a job, something I know, and have to do, and nothing more.

Now, when I look at this point, one thing that stands out is how I have approached tasks, projects, skills, and also work, within a form of laziness. Not laziness from the perspective that I  compromised my work, though laziness in the sense that I expected and wanted my work or the project to give me a challenge. Inside my mind, I viewed the point I was walking into as a ‘fun house’ that was supposed to refresh and charge me up – however when the novelty disappeared – that did not happen anymore. Hence, I was lazy from the perspective that I expected to be moved, to be inspired, to be stimulated, to be pushed, and I did not approach to point from the starting point of ME standing the point of taking responsibility for myself, that I would challenge myself, that I would push myself, that I would find ways and seek new venues and expressions, so that I could move and further myself within the particular skill/ability/project/work.

The problem thus has never been, with reference to this instance, my work – no – it has always been my relationship to work, how I decided to approach and look at work. Challenge, novelty, movement, expansion, and pushing myself, I should never have expected that my work would give that to me. Obviously, when something is new, it will for a moment be challenging, however, when that honeymoon phase is past, I must take responsibility to push myself, and expand myself within my profession. At that point I cannot rely upon my work doing anything for me. Instead, I must take matter into my own hands and actively look at where I am able to learn more, where I am able to expand, where I can push and enhance myself, and where I am able to further my expression.

It is fascinating thus to see, that so far, the technique that I have used to challenge myself, has been to look up and try to place myself in challenging environments, through changing jobs, changing education, or committing myself to a new hobby. Even though this has supported me and spiced things up, it has also been a limitation, as I have not taken the responsibility, taken matter into my own hands, and really, diligently pushed myself to expand where I was at.

And another thing to take into consideration is that I can only become really good at something, if I do it several times. If I only skim the surface, how can I then ever become an expert in my field? It is not possible. In-fact, it is not the routine and repetition in itself that has been bothering me, the big problem is that I react to routine and repetition and believe myself to be limited and contained. Though, this is not true, even though there might be routine and repetition in my life, there is always room to expand, explore, push, improve and move further.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my job will reinvent itself, and stimulate me, and that my job is going to make my life enjoyable, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am not able to rely upon my job, that I am not able to blame my job when I feel that I am stuck in a rut, without expanding or improving – and in-fact – the real problem is that I have not taken self-direction in my relationship with work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be stimulated instead of taking self-responsibility and looking at how I am able to stimulate myself within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be stimulated – and thus not push and drive myself to expand – to look at how I am able to empower myself – strengthen myself – push myself – and will myself to become more effective within what I am doing – and thus I commit myself to each day – look at how I can expand – to never be satisfied with where I am at – but constantly push myself to reach new heights of expression and direction – to not be satisfied with being ‘good’ at something – but push myself to become excellent within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself to reach excellency – to use that as a motivation regardless of where I am at – to not accept and allow myself to be satisfied with mediocrity – to be average – to know something quite well – and quite effective – but to push myself to become an expert within what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I plateau – this is when I must push myself – to look for ways in which I am able to expand and enhance myself – to look for ways in which I am able to acquire further skills – abilities – and strengths – to look at my life and critically examine it – to see if and whether I am able to do more – to see whether I am able to acquire and expand myself within some area of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame work as boring when I know it effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that work should stimulate me – instead of me taking self-responsibility and making sure that I stand as the point of stimulation – that I stand as the point of self-responsibility – that I stand as the point of pushing myself forward – placing no limits on myself – and looking at how and where I am able to expand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop a passion for life – in the sense of always looking at how I am able to expand and move myself forward to the next stage of development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop and push myself to create a passion for expansion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach and build a life where I am satisfied – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that satisfaction, oftentimes goes hand in hand with complacency – where we become lazy, and stop the process of exploration and movement that we would otherwise walk – and thus I commit myself to embrace dissatisfaction – to use it as a motivation to empower and move myself – to use it as a motivation to enhance myself – and bring myself to the next level of development

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that nothing is going to come by itself – that nothing is going to happen by itself – and that if I want challenges in my life – then I must actively pursue and create them – I must actively look at how I am able to make my life challenging – through for example – in my work – looking at how I am able to expand my understanding of work – of how I am able to take on more tasks and responsibilities at work – of looking at how I am able to really expand and become effective at my work

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself blaming my world, my reality, for being boring, not challenging, routine and repetition with no movement, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I stop – and I see, realize and understand, that for movement, change and expansion to happen, I must move myself, I must push myself, I cannot expect that things will simply happen by themselves, as they will not – and thus I commit myself to be on my toes – and to continuously be on the look out for how I am able to change myself – push and expand myself – and reach the next stage of development and expression

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for making my life challenging, expansive, fulfilling, and enjoyable – through not expecting to be stimulated – but rather – pushing and willing myself to improve and expand – constantly being on the look out for opportunities – and seizing the opportunities when they arise


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Day 330: The Battle of The Colliding Preferences

When I was still living by myself, I had complete freedom in how to structure my reality. I decided my routines, when I was going to do things, what I was going to do, how I was going to do it, and if I did not like the way I did something, I would simply change it. Then, I got into a relationship, and my partner and I eventually moved in together, and this opened up the world of colliding preferences. It is those small things that I would normally not even notice, that suddenly frustrates and irritates my partner – and for me – this has been challenging to understand and deal with – because for me – the things the routine things that I do are completely natural, normal,  because I have always done things like this.

Thus, yesterday, I was discussing this point with my partner, of our colliding preferences, and the issue of which of our preferences should be given precedence. It was interesting to look at this point, because many of our preferences have no practical origin. Instead, many times, our preferences are something we have built up using the example of our parents, what others have told us to do, where we have not really looked at what would be the BEST way of approaching reality. How often do we sit down to define our preferences to align them with what is best for all, and base them on a solid foundation of research and reflection? Very, very seldom, at least that is the case with me.

For example, cleaning the house, initially as I moved away from my parents to live alone, cleaning was not a priority what-so-ever. I considered cleaning to be boring, tedious, and unnecessary. I thought that it was okay with dust, grease, and dirt, not because I had made in-depth research on what condition of cleanliness that would be best for me, but because I had examples in my life, such as friends, with a similar preference with regards to cleaning, from which I copied my particular approach. Hence, I embraced a filthy home-environment, because that was my preference. However, when my partner got into my life, this preference was challenged. My partner was a lot more cleanly and had specific routines for cleaning her home environment. In the beginning, this made no sense to me at all, and I for a long time resisted this new kind of preference . This obviously caused conflicts, because that is the thing with colliding preferences, conflicts will ensue.

This led me down the road of researching my cleaning preferences, questioning them, and seeing if there was a better way that I could deal with certain points. I started to research the purpose and functioning of cleaning more closely, and in that I developed a deeper understanding of cleaning. Instead of it being an empty preference, something I did by routine, I started to shape my cleaning preference based on what was best for all. I realized that a clean living abode is very important to physical health, and to clean effectively, various products, and techniques must be combined. Through me researching and challenging my preferences, an entire world of new information opened up, and eventually my partner and I were able to reach common ground in relation to our cleaning practices.

So, yesterday, the point of preference opened up in relation to another aspect of my life, where I had one way I liked to do things, and my partner another. At first I defended my preference, but then I started to look deeper into the point, because I realized, that when two preferences are at war, this because there is no understanding of what would be best for all. Hence, this is how I looked at it. If the two preferences are very much subjective (based on arbitrary conclusions) such as for example, preference of color, then the person which cares more for their preference should be given precedence, as long as there is no practical consequential outflow that is created by manifesting the preference. And if the preference concerns a practical physical point such as how to clean the counter-tops or the placement of particular furniture, then consideration should not only be given to we care about realizing that particular preference, but also to the point of what, according to research and objective considerations, would be the best, and accordingly from which preference we, equal and one, would benefit the most.

Thus, the trick is to look at the preference from within and as the starting point of equality and oneness, and ask myself: What would benefit me ‘equal and one’? And this requires that I let go of my desire to hold unto my specific preference, and open myself up to new ways of doing things, and unconditionally look at what would be the best for the both of us. Hence, in this process, I am changing the battle of the preferences, into a internal journey of finding the best ways to live together with my partner, where it is not anymore about ‘my’ preferences, it is about creating harmony and balance between two individuals with regards do daily living routines.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my preferences as more important than anyone else’s preference, and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of my self-interest to instead be able to see the practicality of preferences – and select my preference on the basis of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for and defend my preference

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful that I will not be able to live out my preference the way I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hear what preferences others might, and not care about it either, because I only care for my own preference

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my preferences more than the preferences of others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider, that when there is a ‘battle of preferences’ – this might be because I have not slowed myself down to listen to the other person, hear him or her out, to see what it is that he or she wants, because maybe their preference is more efficient, and practical than mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect my preferences even though I do no care for them very much, and even though I could simply, and without much inner conflict change my preference to something that would be more in alignment with my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not protecting my preferences, in fear that if I let them go, I am going to loose myself, or part of my identity, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my preferences, not seeing, realizing and understanding that preferences, mostly, have nothing to do with me and a genuine self-expression, as it is oftentimes merely a routine, and way of doing or approaching things, that I have gotten used to and now apply in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to question my preferences, and as well, dare to let them go, seeing, realizing and understanding that this will not compromise, or lessen me, because my preferences are not me, but merely ways of doing things, and sometimes, ways of doing things that are not efficient at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create my preferences on sound research – and define my preferences on what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let myself unconditionally listen to the preferences of others and see if there is something that I am able to learn or apply in my own life – or whether I can up/change/direct my preferences to become more effective and in alignment with physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about how my preferences came to be – and that many times it was just something that happened because I was comfortable with it, and someone else in my life did similar, and that it was seldom an act of conscious/aware deliberation, finding the best and most harmonious way to exist within and as this world

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself fighting for and defending my preferences, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that there is really nothing within me that I am able to loose by unconditionally considering the practicality of my preference, and that I do not loose myself by letting go of or changing a preference, and thus I commit myself to unconditionally consider and look at my preferences to see whether they are efficient and best for all – or whether there is another way of doing things that are better and more suitable – and thus select and decide upon the preference that is best

When and as I want to hold unto my preference, where I am afraid of loosing it, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am not my preferences, that my expression, my self-honesty, and my individuality is not limited by my preferences, and by the way that I usually doing things, and thus I commit myself to embrace the new input coming into my life, and unconditionally question my preferences, with the aim and intention of becoming more efficient and aligned in physical reality


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Day 243: Changes

From living in the city, to living on a farm – that has been a primary point of transition that I have been walking through during the recent weeks. It has been interesting seeing how this change has influenced me, and how the experience that has been following this change is that of feeling uprooted, and feeling as if everything has been thrown into the air, a lot of parts, flying around, and not really seeing where or when they are going to land.

My own assessment of the point, and why this experience has come up within me, is due to how my routine is not anymore here. Before, I had a very strict and easy routine that I followed – and at that – I was studying and knew how many books I had to read till what date, and what places to go to, and what people to meet. My reality was settled, everything was in its place and I was to a certain degree comfortable. Now with the move, that comfort is gone, because now there is no more routine, my studies are finished, I am moving a couple of projects at the same time, and there is experience of rushing to get to something, though I don’t particularly know what that something I should get to is.

So, the purpose with this blog is basically to describe for myself what it is that I have been going through, and also to assist and support others that might be facing a similar event in their lives = CHANGE. What should be understood about change is that it isn’t a bad thing; neither is having your routines being uprooted, because these points do come with opportunities for self-expansion.

In my case, I can see that the challenge before me, and what I require to do in order to get back my grounding, is to structure and schedule my day more specifically, and decide for myself when I am going to do certain things, and when I am going to do other things. So far, I have taken it very much day by day, this approach is cool in some contexts, though when there is a lot of projects to get to, many responsibilities to oversee, many points to move – then it’s supportive with a structure – a game plan.

Though, a game plan isn’t enough, on top of having a game plan I see that it’s important for me to practice slowing down, and practice letting go of control, such as the desire to get to ‘everything’ and move ‘all points’ – and within this understand, that I can only do SO MUCH in a day, I can only get to THAT many points in a week – and taking on too much will lead to an experience of stress, and feeling of being stretched to thinly, because that is literally what is happening.

Thus – to support myself to stabilize I am going to apply self-forgiveness on the various reactions of stress, and anxiety that I have towards loosing my routine, and also support myself to establish a new routine, a schedule, and a game plan that I am following – so that I know were I am going, when I am going, and how I am going there.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when my routine disappears, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious, and worried that I can’t anymore with the same ease as before, evaluate, and expect when, and how things are going to develop, and how my life is going to proceed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations upon myself as to how much I am to get to, and what I should be able to move during my day, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when and as I perceive that I am not moving points as fast, and as effectively as I foresaw, and imagined myself doing, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear, when points doesn’t moving according expectations, instead of supporting myself, and assisting myself to stabilize, and see how I am able to restructure my reality, and my physical environment to become more effective, and aligned with what I wish to create, and how I can align myself more effectively to the physical reality, so that I am not in a state of conflict with what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the point of investing a lot of time in my home, and my living quarters, in feeling that this is stealing time from me, it’s thieving on my valuable resource of time that I must protect dearly in order to be able to create for myself my goals, and imaginations, of what I am to do in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when I invest time in my living quarters, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not necessarily something bad, because at certain times you must tend to your living space, else it will deteriorate, and that would be a point of neglect, thus it’s common sense to dedicate some of your time to your home, and the place which you spend your time, so that all points are effectively cared for and works optimally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when things change in my environment, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being, and becoming weak, due to having these experiences, thinking that it’s signifying that I am becoming old, and unable to cope with reality as effectively as when I was younger, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle with myself in facing these experiences, in realizing that I don’t have to be hard on myself, and believe that I am in anyway less than others, due to these points arising within me – and instead I am able to immediately, as the experiences come up within me, look for corrections, to stabilize and ground myself and bring myself back here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling destabilized when and as I change my physical environment, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change WHO I AM, when my surroundings change, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the key to walking within and as stability in this world, is the point of being in this world, but not of this world – to stand within me in stability and thus instead of getting into a conflict with the change that occurs around me – move with the change – move with the new environment – move with what is here around me – and realize that it’s nothing bad, dangerous, or threatening – it’s simply a point of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I look at what is here currently in my life, and then compare it to my goals, and what I wish to create in this life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that regardless of what physical environment I create in this life, one thing will always remain the same, ME and MY relationship with and as myself, that will and won’t ever change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these mental projections into the future of seeing a different me out there, they aren’t real, and thus the only place to begin something is HERE – the only place to live – is HERE – the only place to walk process and birth myself from the physical – is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life is HERE, that creation is HERE, that there is no such thing as a future within which I will feel differently due to the things that surround me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that creating life is a process that is walked in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace creating myself, and my life in every moment of breath, and seeing, realizing and understanding that process and the birthing of life will never happen out there in a projection – it’s something that is walked and created on a breath per breath basis – and thus I commit myself to practice and align myself with HERE, with directing, moving and sorting points out immediately HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into a stress, and anxiety, due to me feeling that my world isn’t effectively structured, and that I have no real grounding, and that I don’t know where I am going, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not a solution to remain in these experiences, because fear, and anxiety doesn’t assist and support me to in anyway move forward, and thus I commit myself to in that moment take breath, stop myself, and then for a moment, look at my day within me, what I have to do, and then make some basic decisions as to how to structure my day, and also within this remember, that I might not get to everything – and that this is cool – it’s okay – and nothing to judge myself for

I commit myself to become the directive principle of my own day, through learning to effectively structure, prioritize, and build the contents of my day, and within this ground myself, and remain here, realizing that it’s only me that can give myself an oversight, and a structured routine, I have to build and establish this for myself, and it won’t come by itself

When and as I go into stress, and anxiety, because I feel that I haven’t gotten to something, that I expected of myself that I would, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this experience is an illusion, and that it’s not me that there is a problem, rather I have not assessed my time properly, or taken on too much in my life, and thus I require align my requirements of what I am to do with the actual time available to me, and practice being more disciplined in saying NO – to not take on things without really considering whether it’s practical and viable for me to walk them – and thus live the phrase – Quality before Quantity

Day 216: Melancholy

Today as I woke up there was this underlying experience of melancholy in my chest – and the definition of melancholy is:

“A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.”

Now – this is interesting because it correlates well with my general state of being for the last week or so – there has been this underlying experience of feeling down, depressed and gloomy – and from what I’ve seen this experience seems to be connected with the prospect of aging and not feeling that life turned out the way I expected and desired that it would.

Then with the support of my course buddy the point of having a ‘mid life crisis’ opened up – and I could immediately see how what I’ve been going through is in-fact one of those crisis-experiences. Because the origin of the experience is how I feel that there isn’t enough to my life, there is not enough fun, not enough pleasure, not enough life, not enough happiness – and so on. This would then be the time where I’m supposed to go out and purchase the motorcycle or the fast car – to then ‘get over’ my mid life crisis.

Though – I am going to approach this differently – so what I’m going to work with in this blog is the expectations I’ve created on life and how my life should turn out – and then also re-define these expectations so that they are practical and effective – so that I can walk my life and in-fact drive myself to create expectations that are realistic and common sense.

Because it’s important to not completely reject these expectations of what life should be – though instead of going into a depression and a state of disappointment I must will myself to take responsibility for my expectations and then use them in this self-creation process that I am walking – where I making sure that I create and build my life and that I don’t wait for anyone else to do it for me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of what life should be like – and how I should experience it – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my life would automatically take me into a state of completion – fulfillment and happiness – where I would experience myself as blissful and content – and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m within such a statement and idea limiting myself – waiting for life to happen to me instead of taking direction and deciding what I want to create and then creating it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create expectations of how life should be experienced – and then become disappointed when reality doesn’t match these expectations – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of melancholy – where I feel slightly depressed and saddened – reflecting back on my life and on my potential future – and in this thinking that it contains no hope or potential of creation – and that it’s just a waiting game until the day that I die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that living is a waiting game – and that I should wait until my expectations are fulfilled – and in this think that life is to automatically change and move and direct itself to fulfill my hopes – expectations and wants – and within this I forgive myself to that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of melancholy – and depression – where I perceive that life has let me down – and that it has not fulfilled my hopes for what my life should entail – and that I’m because of that apparently a victim to life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider and see myself as a victim of life – as someone that is constantly and continuously beaten down by this apparently bad and nefarious system – and that because of this I apparently have a right to be sad and melancholic – because I’m not getting what I want – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this idea and belief that life is just going to give me any- and everything that I want – that I won’t have to do anything – that I don’t have to push myself – that I don’t have to will myself – and that things will just go as I hope and wish for them to go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how feeling melancholic, feeling depressed, sad and in a state of victimization is in-fact self-manipulation and also blame – wherein I’m blaming my world and reality for not being the way that I desire and want it to be – and not moving itself according to my wishes and demands – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to really move myself – and my world – and my life – I require to make the decisions – I require to motivate myself and I require to actually take the steps to bring into creation that which I want to create – and not anymore wait for it to happen to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in a state of melancholy and pensive sadness – where I feel that my life is somehow not working – it’s somehow wrong – it’s somehow not aligned with and living up to my expectations of what I want it to be like – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this statement I’m making is in-fact self-manipulation and self-sabotage – because the fact is that I’ve life here in-front of me facing me day by day – and thus what I have to do is to make the decision to walk and direct my life – and not anymore wait for life to direct itself – not anymore wait for the physical to move itself – but rather that I move – I direct – I will myself – and I birth life from the physical and I do not anymore wait for things to just happen to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the expectations I had as a child on what life should be like – is something that might be fulfilled – THOUGH – I must actually fulfill those points – I must take responsibility for those points – I must make sure that I move and direct myself to fulfill and create these points – I can’t just wait for them and expect that they are going to turn up magically in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to self-creation is recognizing the fact that unless I act – and unless I move – and unless I decide what to do and who to be – nothing will move – and then I can stay in this state of melancholy for the rest of my life – but it won’t change a thing

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see and notice that I am going into a melancholy, feeling that my life that didn’t turn out as I expected that it would, that it didn’t become as marvelous and mind boggling as I hoped that it would, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand these hopes and expectations that I’ve had for my life isn’t in-fact not real, from the perspective that I’ve simply remained in a hope and desire that they would just emerge and come into my life without me having to do any work or labor – and thus I commit myself to realize that in order to fulfill and create my life – I’ve to bring into my life the things that I want – I’ll have to create my life and I can’t just expect that things are to turn out the way I’ve hoped that they would – because that isn’t how life work – thus I commit myself to look at my life and see what potential creations that are here – what points that I’m able to push and create to make my life more fulfilling, enjoyable, and supportive

When and as I see that I go into a melancholy and depression as I wake up in the morning, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this melancholy is here because I’ve not yet made the decision to actively create myself and my life – and that thus this experience represents an opportunity for me to change this aspect and part of myself so that I’m in-fact able to create a life that I’m satisfied with – and thus I commit myself to when this experience come – to change it – through instead looking at my day – and what is before – and see what potentials there exist for me to create my life – and bring into existence points that I enjoy, or that I can be proud over having walked and create – thus recognizing the gifts in my life – and building on them – further enhancing them – and taking responsibility for the creation of my life

Day 114: Routine

routineOne point that I have realized is that this world consists out of patterns – and these patterns loop over and over. As such I’ve seen that my life exists as such a pattern, a routine, a circle that goes around the same day out and day in.

When I was younger it was one of my greatest fears to end up in a life that would seem perpetually the same – everyday being the same and just like the day before. I didn’t want to live a so called “boring” life – be a “boring” person – I instead wanted to live my life to the fullest and make sure that as I was about to die, I could look back at my life and with great content see that I’d taken part in loads of exotic, strange and enjoyable adventures.

Some days ago I noticed I was beginning to react to my life due to this point of feeling as if everything is the same day out and day in – and this took shape in judgmental thoughts and a energetic experience of feeling low and gloomy. The backchat that came up was for example: “This homework is so boring! I’ve done this type of homework for several years now! It’s always the same!”

Yesterday I thus took some time to write out this point and apply self-forgiveness on it. After I was done I experienced myself silent and stable – and in that I could see how unnecessary it was to react towards the fact that my life is the same day out and day in – because it undoubtedly is the same day out and day in. The fact is that my life will not change just because I react towards my life, and the other fact is that it’s really nothing bad that my life is filled with routine and sameness; really it can be an advantage – because when everything in my life is routine – I can instead focus my attention on other things – such as walking my process in every moment and being aware of my breath.

Routine in itself, doing the same thing day out and day in is such nothing to fear, resist or fight – routine is simply routine – nothing more and nothing less. Thus I will embrace the routine in my life and simply do what it is that I normally do – care for my responsibilities and commitments – and walk them day out and day in without any experience – experiences are not at all necessary to live an effective life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to routine and doing the same thing day out and day in – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional experience towards the point of routine – instead of realizing the simplicity of the fact that a routine is merely a routine – and nothing more or less

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally – and through participating in backchat as judgments – towards the point of me having to do my homework – read and study day out and day in – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how reading and studying day out and day in isn’t in itself something bad – or wrong – it’s just what it is – a routine and something that I require to do in order to survive and make it through in this world; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally and without reacting – accept and allow myself to walk through this life of routine and realize that it’s nothing to resist – or fight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create perceptions of routine in my mind when I was young – wherein I imagined and defined routine as being something boring – something to resist – and something that implies one have a unfulfilling and detrimental life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this assessment and definition of routine is false – that in actuality a routine is simply a routine – and living a life that is the same day out and day in is simply living a life that is the same day out and day in – nothing more and nothing less

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when I was young create and participate in these dreams, that apparently my life must be this constant and continuous change and movement – wherein I explore, I go on adventures, and I live this unpredictable, speedy, and fast paced life style that brings me lot’s of memories; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this idea of what a fulfilling life apparently is – isn’t a correct understanding of what fulfillment and life entails – because the fact is that regardless of what happens in my life – the point remains that everything is physical – and that I am here in a physical body – and that thus in it’s very foundations life is the same all the time – and it’s really just the pictures around me that are changing giving the illusion of movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give up this idea of what it is to live a fulfilling life – so that I within this can relax and let go – and embrace the routine of my current lifestyle – embrace that there needn’t to be more to life but life in itself – that I don’t require and need to manifest my life into this greatness that others can applaud and look at with wonder and desire – it’s really cool to simply live life – and actually that is the only real point that exists – living and participating in life here and not accepting and allowing myself to live in an idea and belief of what life is and what life should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can give myself the gift of being relaxed and comfortable in my own skin – in my own life – and that I don’t need to have more but myself here – and live – and walk through my life breath by breath – moment by moment – simply walking through it without creating towards it an experience – but instead remaining stable – steadfast – and walking – simply doing it

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into and as a reaction towards routine, and towards doing the same thing day out and day in – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that routine in itself is nothing bad – it’s nothing wrong – routine is simply routine; as such I commit myself to let go of my judgments towards routine – and embrace the routine of my life – walk the routine of my life without any experience – instead simply walking here and getting it done

When and as I see that I am going into desire, and feeling that my life should be more, that there should be more happening in my life, more going on, more adventures, and happiness – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t require this apparent happy life as lot’s of things happening at all times – I simply and only require myself here – walking my life without any experience – without reacting – just doing it and being content and fulfilled within doing that; as such I commit myself to stop looking for something more in my life – and I instead commit myself to live HERE and embrace HERE – walk HERE and stop myself from trying to have something more or better

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