Tag Archives: run

Day 316: Over Working vs. Balance

In the past week I had a lot on my plate at work, and that was my own fault, as I took on too much, and did not consider the amount of time that I had to my disposal. I pushed myself to do as much as I could, and as the weekend arrived, I felt that my body was exhausted, almost burnt out. I have experienced this before, and this week I have looked at the point more deeply, to see where it comes from, why I do this to myself, and how I can correct it.

Before I begin writing out this point, there are some basic facts that must be established. The physical body is a living organism, with great potential. It is possible to push the body far and beyond above what we believe to be possible. With self-will, we are able to work, push, and move ourselves further than what the mind is able to conceive – YET – there is a limit – and there are also points that must be considered when it comes to HOW we are pushing ourselves forward. Because the body can only take so much, AND, in pushing the body, and ourselves with it, we must give the body time to replenish, recuperate, and the movement must be natural.

What I have discovered is that, when I move myself with breath, which means moving in a steady, consistent pace, with room for breaks, detours, and leisure time, the body is capable of a lot, and then there is really no need for replenishment. However, when moving the body, for an extended period of time, with great focus and intensity, without allowing time for breaks, and detours, this will cause the body to become tired and exhausted. And I have found that this is because how this type of focused, intense movement, that progresses over an extended period of time, is actually based in a energy; most of the time – stress. This has been the case for me.

The interesting thing is that this stress is not experienced as a emotional stress – it is instead a form of physical stress and pressure that is placed on the body. Hence it can be difficult to recognize. For me, I can see that this stress is present when I feel that there is no time for small breaks, and detours from what I am doing, when I have in a way, become possessed with work.  The word possessed is interesting, because that is literally what happens, I am stuck in one state of mind, a fast track direction to somewhere, unclear where. A small, yet significant example, is when I am making my breakfast, and I prepare my sandwiches. I have a couple of spreads to choose from, and I prefer to add some vegetables. However, that takes some extra bit of time, and some days, I will resist taking that time, and doing that little extra for myself. And it is not because there is no time, it is because, I feel like there is no time – in other words – stress. The consequence is that I will limit my breakfast and how I prepare my food, because I do not feel like there is time, because I am already on the fast track, one direction mind set of going to work.

The solution to this point is apparent from what I have shared above. Work, and for that matter, all other forms of activity, MUST be done with balance, in a state of mind that allows for detours, for breaks, for side tracks, for a overview on things – and the reason for this is because the body needs it – we ourselves need it. Our lives cannot consist of but one thing, one focus, one experience that we hone into and become stuck in – we are in our very nature expansive – and this life offers so much room for discovery and exploration. Though, when we get stuck in our fast track mind-set – life disappears, becomes but a scenery in the movie of our life, where we are following a already established plot, that offers no room for our creative, and unconditional expression to come through.

Hence, I will commit myself to incorporate balance into my life, and even though I have a lot to do at work, I will still bring in balance – and I will do that through regularly throughout my day, allow myself to digress, to stand back, to take a couple of deep breaths and center myself in my body, and allow myself to physically stand up, go for a stroll, go to talk with someone, read something different, take a cup of coffee, or similar – the main point being that I actively balance out my day in a way that supports myself and my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to balance my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in what I do – too focused – to intense – and forget that there are other things to life – forget to consider and support my physical body – forget myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself time and space to regularly take a break – take a walk – take some breaths – enjoy my physical body and physical reality – to go and discover my life – and not become possessed with what I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively release myself from any state of possession that I go into in relation to work through breathing – relaxing my body – bringing myself back here – giving myself time to be HERE – realizing that I am not rushing to get anywhere important anyway – as all roads leads to Rome – which in this case is death – so – why rush – why run – when I can stop up and smell the flowers instead?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively through my day reconnect with my physical body, talk with my body, interact with my body, listen to what my body has to say, listen to it and see what I can do to support my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively give myself time to support my human physical body each and every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is a flag-point, when I start to feel as if I do not have the time to support myself, take a break for a moment.

I commit myself to care for and consider my human physical body through integrating the word balance into my life

I commit myself to live balance through taking breaks and regularly allowing myself to digress – do something differently – and move in a pace that is supportive for myself and my body


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Day 264: Fear of Missing the Train

When I have now become a regular commuter, I have come to notice a fear of missing the train. Now this fear is interesting to observe, because it is a cool example of the irrational nature of fears. Even though I am mostly 10 to 15 minutes early, I will still have a urgency, and fear that I must get on the train as fast as possible, because apparently it will potentially leave before I have boarded. I have had this fear as far back as I can remember, and it is not only with trains, I have fears of being late to meetings, and other type of appointments as well – and because of that I am usually earlier than everyone else.

Looking more deeply into this fear, I see that the fear of being too late hides a fear of the unpredictable, because what does it represent to miss an appointed time? Usually what follows is something unpredictable, or maybe a conflict, at least, it is not something that I am able to foresee. Looking even deeper, this fear of the unpredictable also reveals still another layer: Lack of self-trust. Because why would it be that I fear the unpredictable? Due to me believing that I am not able to handle that situation, believing that I need to be prepared and already have all the information in order to effectively direct my life.

This latest point that I mentioned is also fascinating to look into, because this is a problem that I have had with regards to bigger decisions in my life. I have been fearful, and indecisive when it comes to making decision, simply because I am not sure on how it is going to play out, what is going to happen – thus – facing the unknown/the unpredictable/that which I am not able to prepare for.

My fear of missing train as such really links back to a fear of the unpredictable/fear of the unknown. This goes to show how our day-to-day lives, and our small fears of everyday things can show us something a lot more meaningful about ourselves. The solution that I see to this point is to develop a self-trust in myself even in the face of the unknown – and to when this fear of the unknown/unpredictable comes up within me – to then say to myself that no – I will not accept and allow myself to fear the unknown – I will trust myself to walk into the unknown and direct myself within it effectively – or at least allow myself to make the mistakes, learn from them, and become effective in directing and moving myself in the unknown.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I am not able to predict, or control, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to direct myself in that which is unknown, and unchartered to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop self-trust in directing myself in that which us unknown, and unchartered territory for me – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize fear as a coping mechanism for me to not have to face the unknown and that which I am not able to control, direct, or foresee

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the only way I can become better at directing myself in the unpredictable and unknown – is through trusting myself to walk into it – and when I am in it – push myself to be stable here – and look for solutions – establish a direction for myself that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing my train, and become stressed, and anxious as I am going to my train, because I fear that I might miss it, and fear what might come out of that, and that I cannot control and exactly know the consequences of me missing my train, and how I am going to deal with this, if it happens in my life – hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into, and exist within and as a state of fear, and anxiety, and worry, where I believe that I will be better off, by hiding in these experiences, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way to really grow is to put myself into the deep end of the pool – and learn to swim

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare myself to be more comfortable with taking the train, and with not being so early to the train, realizing that I can give myself some moments, and that there is still urgency for me to go to the train, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively stop these thoughts of fear of missing my train

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when this fear of missing my train comes up, to see that what I really fear is loosing control, and not having full direction on my life and where it is that I am going – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up control, and fear ending up in a situation and position where I can’t predict what will happen next – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent upon predictability for me to be able to trust myself – and see what my next step will be – and where it is that I am going next

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable of handling the unknown, and the unpredictable, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself, and hold myself back in this distrust, and try to cope with this distrust through fear, and worry – where I believe that if I fear and worry – I will protect myself from consequential outflows and more effectively be able to make decisions in my life that are right and will lead me to the best outflow possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on fear and worry to apparently protect me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear and worry only makes me less capable of analyzing, and guiding myself through a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I do not need to know exactly what is going to happen in the future for me to be able to see what the best direction for me is, and how to best deal with the situation that I am in – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice remaining stable and grounded here when I am faced with a moment where I don’t have control and overview – and where I am not sure what is going to happen and where my decisions will lead me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear, and worry, because I am faced with a moment where I don’t have control, and the future is unpredictable, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that even though I might not specifically now where to go from here, and what is going to happen, this doesn’t have to destabilize and make me less effective, because I decide who I am – and I decide how to deal with moments that come my way – and hence I commit myself to stabilize myself using my breath – and practice remaining grounded and walking into my future even though I am not sure on what is going to happen

When and as I see myself distrusting myself, and using fear, and worry to apparently prepare myself, and make myself alert to deal with a unpredictable future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t need, nor do I require fear and worry to be effective in my life – and to stabilize myself to make effective decisions when I am not clear on the direction in my life – and hence I commit myself to stabilize myself – and move myself from moment to moment – to look for a solution and a direction in every moment – and trust myself that I will find a solution if I continue to push and do not accept and allow myself to give up