Tag Archives: self-expression

Day 269: Hierarchies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people that are above me in the hierarchy in my work place – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into inferiority, and fear when communicating with someone that have a higher and more important position in comparison with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to position, according to where I am in a hierarchy, whether I am on top, or on bottom, whether I am the most experienced, or the least experienced, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my experience of myself depending on what position I have, and what position another have, and feel/be more comfortable with myself when others have lower positions than me, and I can define myself/experience myself as having a higher position than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to acquire a feeling of being comfortable with myself through gaining a more desirable, and attainable position than what others have, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that when another have a more rewarding position than what I have, in terms of monetary benefits, then that person is better than me, is superior to me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I do not need to define myself according to money, and define my value/importance according to money – but to see, realize and understand that all are in-fact equal – and that money/status/position doesn’t change this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for me to become more stable, more comfortable, and at ease with myself, I require to gain more money, and attain a higher position in comparison with others, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself limit my living, and my expression of the word comfort – in thinking that for me to live this word I require to have more money than others – I must be the winner of the money competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back, and fear expressing myself when I am around others that have a higher grade, and a better standing than me in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself, and fear being myself around others, in thinking that I will not be accepted, and that I am not liked, and that I am strange and dislikable, and that people doesn’t want to have anything to do with me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my real, genuine self-expression, in the belief that its dirty, and wrong, and that in order for me89tatus, and become someone/something in eyes of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my stability/standing on how much money I have in the system – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the only point that I require to stand stable in the system is my trust in myself – my trust that I will stand by and with myself and walk in stability throughout my life – and regardless of what I face – always remember and remind myself of my purpose – which is to create a life that is best for all and bring through the expression of what is best for all in everything that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my stability, and standing, on what position I have in the system, and on what career I make of myself in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let career, money, and position define me, and set up who I am, and what I am capable of doing, and what I am not capable of doing, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget myself – and who I am – and that I am in-fact capable of standing and walking in stability throughout my life – and create a future for myself that is truly magnificent – and that is truly effective – and that is best for all – and that I do not have to limit and confine this movement of and as myself to be connected to money/position/who I am in this system

When and as I see that I am holding myself back, or waiting with living/expressing/creating my life, because I believe that I do not yet hold the necessary position to create my life, to fulfill myself, and build a future for myself and this world, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to create – and that I do not have to wait for anything – that I do not have to wait for me to get a particular spot in the system – that I do not have to wait for me to get a particular salary – that I can decide here that I will live fulfillment as WHO I AM – and thus not anymore wait; and thus I commit myself to live in every moment – every day – the word fulfillment – in realizing that I am full here – and that I can create and build my life here in every moment – and that waiting for that is an illusion that is not real

I commit myself to stand with the courage, and stability, to be an equal participant in this world, and understand that money, position, and career does not make me – I make/create myself – and thus I commit myself to stand equal and one regardless of what position I am within – regardless of what my duties and responsibilities are – I commit myself to remember, and remind myself – that I am here – and that my primary responsibility is to walk my process of birthing myself from the physical as life

Hiding – Part 3

Before reading this entry – please read part 1 and part 2

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of not wanting to face myself – existing within and as the belief that “I am so bad – and I am so fucked up – that I can’t do anything about myself” – as such creating a escape route within myself where I think that I am able to avoid this big task of in-fact facing/seeing myself – and instead escape from this task; instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that this belief that I am apparently to fucked up to face myself – it’s only a excuse and justification in order to substantiate my escape from myself – while I do in-fact see/realize/understand that facing myself is what I must do – and what will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself – as it will accept and allow me to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/living statement that I don’t want to face myself – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it’s stupid to not want to face myself – as the truth of myself is always here anyway, it’s just that I’ve hidden from myself – but that doesn’t mean that the truth of me is still here – and is creating my life and my experience of myself in everyway; as such I see/realize/understand that the obvious common sense is to face myself and get it over with – because that is much more simple than spending a life-time finding excuses and justifications and fighting the truth as myself as how I exist within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that it’s a thousand times more simple/easy to face myself than to hide from myself – and that hiding from myself is in-fact hard work – and something that must go on for a eternity; while facing myself is something that must only be done once – and then the fight/struggle is over because I am clear within and as myself – I’ve faced and corrected my shit and I can now spend my breaths living instead of fighting; as such I commit myself to stop this eternal fight and instead face myself – within seeing/realizing/understanding that it will feel difficult yet it’s what is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that facing myself is difficult – it’s hard – and it’s uncomfortable – yet existing within a statement/character of hiding is even more hard/difficult and uncomfortable – as such it’s easy to see that the best decision for me is to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see/recognize hiding as a solution – not seeing/realizing/understanding the obvious common sense that hiding is never a solution but only a form of postponement – wherein I postpone the inevitable – as such I see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact completely unnecessary as I will have to face myself anyway – as such why hide to begin with? Why not simply take the pain and discomfort and be done with it here?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within myself to such an extent that I am not able to see how stupid my inner characters of hiding are – as they do not serve any practical/physical value at all – I simply exist as these characters because I was shown to do so – and I’ve always done so – as such existing within and as apathy accepting everything as is thinking that it’s cool – because it’s been like this forever; not accepting and allowing myself to open my eyes and in-fact question what is here – to see whether what is here actually supports a existence that is best for all – and actually supports me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can’t avoid facing myself – that I am in-fact facing myself even though I am hiding from myself – but that I am just avoiding to see who and what I am straight in the face from a starting point of correcting myself – and placing myself in a position within myself of changing and re-aligning myself within myself to what is best for all – to what will in-fact support/assist myself to step out of my current mind-fuck and become a self-directed – self-willed being here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to face myself – and to see/realize/understand that facing myself will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself; and that there is really no such thing as hiding from myself – but only postponing the inevitable, which is to face myself head-on – to see who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to re-create myself within and as oneness and equality here as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself and get it over with – as I see/realize/understand that not wanting to face myself is merely postponing the inevitable – and is only serving to make me and my existence a living hell; and as such I commit myself to take this problem as me and move myself into correction/perfection/alignment with the principle as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself – seeing/realizing/understanding that I will only have to face myself once – and then it’s done – while hiding is a project that I must walk for eternity – and is a struggle that I can let myself not go through – through simply facing myself here – and walking the necessary self-forgiveness/writing/self-correction to establish myself as clear – stable – and effective within and as my application of myself here as life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that it’s a far more intelligent decision to face myself than to postpone facing myself – because facing myself will have the outflow of me living comfortably and relaxed within my human physical body; while not facing myself will have the consequence of my living in FEAR – which is a completely ludicrous thing to have myself go through

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is not a solution but merely a point of postponing the inevitable – as such I will/push myself to establish myself as NOT HIDING – through each day writing/doing my self-forgiveness/walking my self-corrective statements – until everything is out in the open and I am done

I commit myself to not accept my characters simply because I’ve always existed as characters – and because everyone in my world has always shown me the example of living as a character – but I instead push/will myself to question all my characters as to their purpose – and what outflows they create in my life/existence – to as such only accept and allow that which is best for all within me

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact a illusion – because actually I am always seeing who and what I am within myself – it’s just that I haven’t dared to place myself in a position of changing myself – correcting myself; as such I stand up within myself and walk self-responsibility – in taking charge of myself – and changing myself – as such stopping the idea/illusion of hiding within and as me

Drive! How To Utilize A Movie To Establish Self-Intimacy

Drive is a movie, newly released and is at the moment, this year of 2012, running on the cinema screens of the world. It’s an action movie, yet with many slow and poetic scenes, vibrant colors, and many well thought through scenic compositions; it’s all in all a very well made movie – which you can see someone has spent a lot of time developing and creating.

Though, I am not going to supply you with anything more of a review than that, because the following pages will be dedicated to self-reflection, through using the main-character of the movie “Driver” – I had many thought-based reactions while watching this character and these will hereby be investigated.

1. What is self-reflection?

Thus – firstly – a short explanation as to the why I am looking at my experience as thoughts, feelings and emotions towards the main character “Driver”; our real experience of ourselves is mostly suppressed and hidden beneath ideas and beliefs of ourselves – thus, as an example, we might think we’re cool with bullies, yet in reality, we fear bullies, as we fear becoming bullied, but we don’t admit this to ourselves. Our experiences that are suppressed and hidden will then come popping up in the shape and form of projections, as us having thoughts, and emotional reactions towards others behaviors, or experiences, or living-situations. This is why movies is a great tool for self-reflection – as these creations give us a window into “another’s life” – or into a particular situation, or moment that can be sensitive and not desirable to be experienced in real life – and with a movie the opportunity to experience such a moment or person, and see what this triggers within us is able to be experienced from the comfort of our tv-sofas – which is great; and whenever a reaction, or thought pop in relation to this “other life” – situation or person – we can bring it back to ourselves and see how this point interacts, and intermingles in our own reality – that we haven’t realized and seen, but instead suppressed and projected unto others.

2. The points to work on:

So let’s get going – the points that I am going to have a look at are in turn as follows:

  1. “Driver” being the silent type
  2. “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type

2.1 “Driver” being the silent type

As I looked on “Driver” interacting with other people, one point of annoyance came up within me frequently, and this was related to the fact that “Driver” was very silent, and held back. If someone spoke to “Driver” – he would stay silent for some seconds, and then answer – and it was this period of time in which “Driver” was silent that annoyed me. I wanted him to answer immediately, and I thought that within him not answering, he was making himself to become helpless, and also that he might make himself seen by others as retarded, because he can’t interact with others in a socially correct manner – thus others might regard him as stupid.

As such – the fear that is revealed within me through bringing this annoyance back to myself, is my own fear of being seen as retarded, and inferior – and not interact with others as what I’ve defined and perceived to be “socially correct” – which would be to answer someone without any time-delay, with a proper, clear and direct answer, which they would understand immediately – thinking that any other type of behavior but this one, implies that I am “socially retarded”; thus in essence what this annoyance uncovers is a fear of what others might think of me.

2.2 “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type

At one point in the movie “Driver” made a deal with a gangster, and there was the tension of conflict in the scene, as “Driver” was pissed of at the gangster, due to the gangster having threatened to kill his friend’s girlfriend and child. And so there was this face off between the gangster and “Driver” as they where making this deal.

In this scene, at one point, “Driver” stared intently into the eyes of the gangster, as the gangster urged him to look at his hand, as the gangster had written down some terms of agreement on his hand, that he thought should be incorporated into the deal, and in this moment it seemed as if “Driver” was refusing to look at this man’s hand, and spited the gangsters suggestion to have “Driver” look at his hand, through instead looking into the gangsters eyes – intently – and ferociously.

In this moment I thought: God – that’s such male ego behavior!

So – bringing this point back to myself – what does this indicate about myself? Firstly, as can been by the shape of my initial thought towards “Drivers” behavior, it shows that the thought is in it’s nature a judgment – an idea that something is “bad” – “wrong” – “evil” – “not good”.

Thus – looking at my own reality, and at how I’ve experienced myself, and thought about myself this last week, I am able to see that I’ve spotted myself acting in self-interest in moments, as male-ego – wherein I’ve said things, and done things in order to get attention, and to be seen as smart, intelligent, and superior – typical male-ego behavior – and what I am more able to see within this, is that I, as I’ve seen myself acting upon and living these points, judged myself, felt ashamed and embarrassed – and as such judged the point of male-ego as something bad, instead of simply seeing it for what it is; corrupted education that I’ve believed to be myself, and lived as myself – thinking that this is the normal way to exist and express myself – instead of realizing that there is other ways of expressing and sharing myself than through and as male-ego.

Thus – what “Driver” reveals to me is that I am judging the male-ego as something bad – and as such – instead of working with, and getting to know myself as male-ego, to as such be able to stop myself when I see myself acting within and as the personality of male-ego – suppressing the point and ignoring the point – wanting it to go away and not have my hands become bloody – thinking that if I am this, and recognize myself as this male-ego point – I am bad! Not realizing that I am within such a stand excluding myself from the opportunity to in-fact stop and transcend male-ego once and for all.

3. After the points have been identified – self-forgiveness

Now that I’ve identified and brought the points of reaction that “Driver” showed to me, back to myself – it’s time to work with the points through using self-forgiveness – self-forgiveness being the tool that is used in order to release the points I’ve found within myself, and at the same time assisting and support me to further open the points up and dig into the deeper hidden behaviors and experiences of myself – usually as I do self-forgiveness after I’ve written a point out – even more points will show up for me to work with – also realizations and understandings will open up – the tool of self-forgiveness is as such really cool, and is a god-given gift to anyone interested in discovering and dismantling their inner demons and secret agendas.

3.1 “Driver” being the silent type

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen by others as socially demented

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and perceive talking a lot, and being able to humor and please others, as me being accepted and correct in my behavior, as “socially correct”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and constrict myself in ideas of what is “socially correct” and what is “socially demented” – thinking and believing that the picture and idea I have of someone that is speaking to others, and being able to humor and please them, being defined and regarded as “socially correct” is in-fact a real and self-created definition – not realizing and understanding that it’s mere knowledge and information that I’ve copied from my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create my own principles and definitions of what is “socially correct” – and within this definition not limiting myself to what is good and what is bad – and not limiting myself to exist within the fear of what others think of me – but instead creating the definition of “socially correct” to be = to act within and do what is best for all in every moment – and to consider others as myself – and to stop all judgments within myself to comes up as I participate and interact with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being silent is less than being talkative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a silent character is inferior, to being a talkative character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that someone that is talkative experience him or herself more fulfilled, and happier than someone that is silent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself together with others, through wanting others to see me as talkative, and pleasurable to be around, not accepting and allowing myself to live here as breath, and as such not be influenced, or bothered, or create myself in relation to how others experience or behave around me

3.2 “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the male-ego as being bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the male-ego as being bad, and as such suppress myself as the male ego, through thinking and believing that if I recognize and see that I in-fact do exist as male ego, that this means that I am bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in order to deal with, work with, and in-fact transcend myself as male-ego, I have to first recognize and see that I exist as male-ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of seeing that I exist as male-ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create conflict within me, through attempting and trying to suppress the realization and seeing that I in-fact in moments accept and allow myself to behave, exist and live one and equal as male-ego

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I ignore the experience, insight, and seeing, that I in moments in-fact exist as male-ego, that this personality and ego-behavior might hopefully go away, so that I won’t have to deal with my experience, and this point any further

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize judging male-ego as a bad, as a way of escaping self-responsibility, as I won’t have to look at how I exist, but simply suppress it, and as such not effectively deal with and work with it, until I in-fact do not anymore exist and live as male ego

4. Installing a new behavior – self-corrective statements

Okay – now I’ve firstly written out the points of reactions, and formulated my initial experiences towards “Driver” in words – creating a vocabulary and an understanding as to what it is that I am facing.

Secondly I’ve through self-forgiveness went even deeper into the points, as well as released the points – opening up a opportunity for myself create myself anew – as such I am now going to place for myself – self-corrective statements – which can be likened with a computer that has been formatted – that now by it’s own initiative decides to install new programs that are more resourceful and effective than those used before.

4.1 “Driver” being the silent type

When I experience myself afraid of expressing myself, and sharing myself with others, because I fear that others will perceive me as being “socially incorrect” – I stop myself and I bring myself back here to breath – I stop my fear and I express myself one and equal here as the physical – accepting and allowing myself to exist without any interpretations and ideas, as mind, as what others might think about me.

When I experience myself afraid of being silent, because I fear that others will see me as socially demented – I stop myself and I bring myself back here – I realize and understand that my fear is ridiculous – as I am fully aware that I am not in-fact socially demented, or retarded – but that I am simply not speaking – because I have nothing to say – as such I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I accept and allow myself to live self-acceptance – which might be to in this moment – not say anything – as I’ve got nothing to say

4.2 “Driver” being the aggressive male-ego type

When I notice and see that I am participating within and as male-ego, and I see that I am judging myself, and suppressing my initial seeing and insight as to how I exist in this very moment, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here to breath – I realize and understand that the male-ego isn’t something bad – but a misalignment that I require to re-align to what is best for all – and in order to do this I can’t pretend that the point doesn’t exist – as such I stop self-judgment and I look at the point of male-ego – and I stop myself from participating within and acting as male ego – through acting upon and living my seeing and insight, that I am in this moment participating and existing as male-ego – instead expressing myself here as breath – one and equal as the physical

5. Finish

Aright – now I am done – I’ve brought back the character traits of “Driver” that I reacted towards, to myself, and found out some really cool shit about myself – see it wasn’t simply that I disliked “Driver” – and the thoughts and reactions weren’t a coincidence – everything is specific to the tee – and what I’ve written above proves this; as such the exercise of “bringing it back to self” is always bound to enlarge one’s perspective and understanding of oneself – this is what I’ve experienced.

Anyway – see the movie for yourself, and use the experiences you had in order to establish intimacy with and get to know yourself – as I’ve done – it’s really fun and quite the adventure – as you never really know what is going to show up from the deep and hidden crevices that exist within the darkness of our secret minds.

2012 = 2000 Yet Again?

It was about 4 years ago when I first got to hear about the Mayan Calendar, and their prediction, that the world was going to end at the year of 2012 – from that point onwards the world of 2012 slowly got revealed to me, as the enormous mind-fuck it in-fact was. Points such as the Galactic Star Federation, Earth’s vibration change into the 5th dimensions, the visitation of aliens got revealed to me  – all these things being foretold to take place, or arrive at the year of 2012.

What immediately struck me as I started investigating this phenomenon of 2012 was it’s similarity to other types of dooms-day predications – and especially one came to mind – 2000 – and the millennium bug.

I think I was 12 years old when the year of 1999 turned to 2000 – and obviously back then – I’d been consistently washed with information and worries about what would happen when those numbers changed – would the world cease to exist? Would all the computer systems of the world die, because they couldn’t handle the complexity of three zeros? Would earth fall out of its orbit, and crash with Jupiter? All kinds of really non-sense information – and as young, and gullible that I was, I actually believed something would happen, change, or differ when those numbers changed – though obviously – it didn’t.

So – when I heard about 2012 – I related this back to the hysteria of 2000, and the unfulfilled predictions of that time – and I must admit – I did feel a little excited, and almost nervous that something would in-fact happen at the year of 2012 – because apparently this was the “end of time” – though – thanks to Desteni, and the reptilian interviews – my head became sufficiently clear for me to come to the following realization about 2012.

2012 is a year – and a year is a number constructed and created by the human mind – only humans count years – neither earth, nor animals or plants count years – they live on without categorizing breaths into days, weeks, months, and years – thus, what does this indicate?

It indicates that 2012 and the entire hysteria thereof is a creation of the mind – a fantasy – a idea – a belief – not a actual physical event – the simple reason being that – Earth doesn’t care what date the humans think it is – it continues to float around space whether we agree that it’s the year of 203493 or 2304 – and our minds, as our knowledge, as our memories, as our ability to think has no influence upon the manifestation of Earth what so ever – 2012 is as such – together with the all the rest of our knowledge that isn’t practically lived – useless and only a mental projected picture – NOT REAL.

Our belief in such a thing as 2012 twelve indicates how deluded we are and to what extent we’ve separated ourselves from this physical reality – because it’s obvious and available for all to see – that the events that take place on Earth, aren’t created in one singular moment – such as our idea and belief of how the event of 2012 will play out; poof! And suddenly the world is gone!

No Earth, and all physically manifested things move according to the equality equation of 1+1=2 – all events are created through a process of accumulation – a process of actions being taken again, and again, and again – thus – no event happen suddenly and without any previous physically manifested indication of the event – Earth and the physical is time-based, is breath-based – things aren’t simply created – but we have to in-fact move ourselves physically – here – breathing – in order to create something – and none of that has been done in terms of the idea of what will happen in 2012 – there has only been a idea emerging in our minds that something special and fascinating will come to past based upon interpretations of the past, and hear-say – as such it’s deductable and easily seen that – nothing will happen in 2012 what so ever.

However, what will happen is that Earth and the civilization of man will continue to deteriorate, and sink into a greater demise and despair – as this is what we are accumulating – this is what we are living and creating – destruction.

Thus – let’s work with what is here – which is ourselves – and let’s change what it is that we’re accumulating – from destruction – to what’s best for all – and as such we physically and practically build a new world that is able to sustain all – then we won’t need any aliens to come and save us, and we won’t need to ascend into the 5th dimensions – as we’re in-fact taken care of and fulfilled living and expressing ourselves on this earth.

Let’s not have our mental projections take the upper hand – come with me and develop some common sense – and let’s change this reality for the better.

Investigate Equal Money – and check out the FAQ to get some understanding as to what it’s all about.

Featured Art Work by Matti Freeman

Why is Law so Complicated?

Why is law so complicated? Why is law so hard to understand? Why is law so vast, so enormous, so extreme, and why do we as individuals have no direct say in what type of laws are legislated?

These are questions I’ve asked myself studying law at university. It’s a vast subject, enormous – so big that it’s impossible for one man to know all the laws that exists. Not even a lifetime spent reading laws would enable one to have a complete view of the judicial system. And that is quite fucked up, considering that laws are what make up our day to day interactions, laws are what make all things in society do as they do, or run as they run, from the big and the small – and most of us have no clue as to what regulations lie behind it all.

Isn’t that fucked up? That we as individuals are robbed of our ability to be self-independent,  to take informed and effective decisions – where we know what legal implications our actions have, what rights we have, and what obligations we have. If you don’t know the law system and the police arrests you – do you know that torture is forbidden? Do you know upon what legal grounds the policeman acts when he arrests you? Most of us don’t and we’ve never been supported or assisted to learn these things either, even though they are so crucially important, as laws define our societal structure and our day-to-day living.

Can we actually say that we are living in a democracy if not all people are given the same education, the same knowledge of the rules that govern our lives? No we can’t, because such a differentiation in skill and knowledge in-between people opens up the possibility for abuse and for manipulation.

An example would be a friend that I have as to a situation that he experienced. He was having a job of some kind and apparently he had the right to receive an extra payment of 5000 dollars, so his lawyer friend told him. So, he went to his job and asked to receive the money. He was denied and told that he didn’t have a right to have the money.

He then went back to his lawyer friend and told him what had happened. The lawyer said, ask to speak with the boss if they don’t give you the money. So, he went back to his job, asked again and was denied again – yet this time he said he wanted to speak with the boss. Upon uttering the words he was written a check of 5000 dollars.

I mean, what would this guy have done without his lawyer friend? How could he possibly have known about his rights? See, our system is so complex, vast, intricately designed that you don’t know your rights. You have no clue when a state official do something illegal, when your boss does something illegal, when you have the right to appeal and not – even though these things are very important to know! That is unacceptable – that there is such a gap between people, where the poor and uneducated becomes victims at the behest of those who know the rules of the game.

In an equal money system everyone would know the law. Everyone would know their rights and their obligations. There would be few laws, they would be clearly and understandably written – not accepting and allowing anyone to go unknowingly of the laws that dictate his or hers day-to-day living. And everyone would be able to point at these laws, without a lawyer, without the permission of anyone and state – look! These laws do not support what is best for all – I want it to be removed! And then it would also be removed.

That is real democracy. When everyone is equal in skill, understanding and have the same access to the information that governs one’s daily life. This is only possible in an equal money system. Where class, and higher education would not anymore differentiate people, as all would have access to the same opportunities and hold the same rights.

Meeting Bernard Poolman – Visiting Farm – What Did I Learn?

One year had passed since I first found myself (I found Desteni at 2007) being completely blown away, and intrigued, by the interviews of Desteni. I had relentlessly and with complete fascination indulged in the massive amounts of articles, and videos that already existed at that time, and the same was done with the new creations that continuously popped up on their website, and on their youtube channel. I was really in heaven, as this subject of self-realization, common sense, and self-forgiveness, really made sense to me.

So, as I said, about a year had passed, and I had since a while back begun to participate on the Desteni open-forum, and chat with the various individuals involved with the Desteni group. It was on the forum that I first saw the name “Eagle” pop up. I found this name being tagged as the creator of many, many articles, as well as thousands of forum posts – all of them being completely intriguing. I basically ate the writings of this mysterious being called “Eagles”, I enjoyed them, and I found myself becoming excited and happy each time he posted something new.

I didn’t take very long until I found out that this mysterious forum participant called “Eagle”, in real life was called Bernard Poolman, and that he lived in South Africa, running a business focused around education software. Apparently he lived with several other people, including the portal (Sunette Spies), all of them being intently focused upon the process of self-realization – and so obviously, already at this stage, a slight excitement came up within me, as to the prospect of one day meeting this man, as well as the rest of the group.

It happened that I got invited to the Desteni Private Forum, and in the chats and discussions that occurred in this forum, it was suggested, that we, the participants of the forum were to come stay with, and live with Bernard and company, in South Africa. At this point the South African Desteni group had already acquired a farm, too which they had all moved, and it was to this farm that we we’re all invited to stay.

At this moment of my life I was working as a security guard in Norway, I had no responsibilities to uphold, I had no real “life” to take care off, and as such I decided to leave the security of my homestead, to visit the Desteni Farm in South Africa – the consequence of this decision, unbeknown to me at the moment, would come to effect me so deeply, that I was to in-fact change how I lived, perceived and looked at life.

What is worth to be mentioned is that, I left for South Africa with the hope of somehow being saved, cured, and given the spell of enlightenment, and heavenly bliss by Bernard Poolman, and the Portal – these people being in my mind seemingly magical, of great power – yet this mind-set would quickly come to a halt as I arrived at the Desteni farm. Because, Bernard Poolman weren’t going to save me, and Sunette Spies weren’t going to save, nor was anyone else of Desteni group able, or inclined to save me.

Thus, be aware as you read this text to not create any idea in your mind (like I did) of Bernard Poolman, or any other of the Desteni participants, as in anyway superior, or more than normal people, as in being apparently enlightened, transcended and there to save your ass – because such a idea is simply not real.

But anyway, let’s get back to the story. I was sitting on the plane, the plane for South Africa, on my way to meet, for the first time, Bernard Poolman, the Portal, Andrea, Darryl, and all the other Desteni characters – and I was really scared half to death. During the entire trip I was constantly worrying about in-fact meeting these human beings, these strange beasts, seemingly coming from another reality, speaking words in a way that I’ve never seen before, with abilities that I’d never though we’re real – now I was going to meet all of them. It’s actually not that strange that I did experience myself half scared to death, as I was going to encounter something that I’d never before encountered or seen – something completely new and alien – or, at least, this was the thought in my mind as the plane went in for it’s final approach at the Johannesburg airport.

So, one transfer flight later, and just as nervous, I saw the big double doors ahead of me, with the words “Exit Arrivals” on a sign above it. I went through that door, still as nervous, and frightened, and my eyes landed upon Andrea, and Gian – two Destonian farm people that had come to meet up with me.

The first thing that struck me, was how normal these people were, but also how close to them I felt – I felt comfortable with them, considering the state of nervousness and fear I was in. Though, I really don’t remember much – most of my experience with these new individuals can be summarized in the word fear – actually. As I hadn’t in-fact at this moment in time realized the simplicity of self-application, the simplicity of self-correction, and I still existed fully as a mind consciousness system, still with no significant insight, or self-direction coming through. Though, I was a baby in process at this moment in time, and I still am – no reason to judge, or look down upon me – the process, is a process of self-expansion, and you obviously have to begin somewhere.

Okay, let’s get back to the story – after some eating and chatting at the airport, we drove away in Andreas car, heading towards the farm, and as we got closer, and closer – my fear and anxiety was rising. What I’ve realized afterwards is that, such an experience of anxiety and nervous is created through comparison, and through self-judgment – wherein I place myself as less than another in my mind, through thinking that another is superior, above, and better than me – though at that time – I didn’t understand anything of that, and I wasn’t capable of stopping my experience. I was caught in my own experience of fear, and anxiety and worry.

Then – the farm was introduced to my eyes! LOL – and I am laughing now, because at the time I had such high hopes as to what the farm was going to be, how it was going to look, and what I was going to experience there – all created as fantasies and beliefs in my mind. And obviously, whenever such grand fantasies are created within one’s mind, the experience of disappointment is a given consequence. So, when seeing the actual looks of the farm, I felt somewhat disappointed, and thought: “but is this all that there is?” And yes, that was all that there were – actual reality is never as flashy, and never feels as good as what the mind makes it up to be – lesson had to be learned.

The car stopped – and my first foot penetrated through the open door of the car, landing on the soft grass of the earth – dogs came running towards me – barking – yelling – licking me – expressing the complete excitement and curiousness of meeting a new being; I had arrived at the farm!

And so, I met my first international Destonian, also a visitor on the farm, it was Andrew – and he had at the moment been bitten by a tick, and had tick bite fever, which had the consequence of him being very slow, and tired – and also in much pain – I know because later I got to have the same illness! Anyway, I followed Andrew into the main house, and into the living room. There in several couches, many, many people were sitting – and there was one guy talking to all of them – loudly – he had a shaved head, and I knew that this must be Bernard.

I walked to him, and I held my hand out, he took it and shocked it, and he said: “Well, this must be Viktor!” – upon which (probably) answered “Yes!” – LOL.

I had now met Bernard, and he was very, very, very normal – he spoke normally (somewhat – LOL!), he moved normally, he dressed normally, he used the word fuck frequently, he did normal things around the household – he was in always – a normal human being! Completely in opposition to my idea that I’d arrived with, which was a bit of a shock. I mean, I thought he would be this great being of light, and graze, as apparently how a “transcended” being should be – that turned out to be a very faulty perception.

Though, obviously normal is a matter of definition – what I mean by normal is that he didn’t do this “ascended master act” – for example speaking very slow and in one tone of voice all the time (like some type of “ascended master”), he didn’t use hard words that I didn’t understand (like some academic “intelligent” being), he didn’t do strange things (like meditating to the love god, or manifesting things out of thin air, or levitate) – all in all: he wasn’t anything of the picture I’d created, as to what it means to be “transcended” and “enlightened” – no he was simply a normal, though very expressive, assertive and “comfortable with himself” being.

And so, this was the first thing that I learned from meeting Bernard Poolman – walking process, transcending points, becoming and living as self-realization, a self-realized being, doesn’t mean you have to be something special. No, in-fact, it’s that normal part of ourselves, that natural, expressive, and authentic part of ourselves, the one that shows it’s face when we’re with ourselves, and we’re relaxed, at ease, and comfortable with ourselves – that’s the part of us that is life! Or, when we laugh, or play with each-other, and we have so much fun we can’t contain our joy, that’s ourselves, as life – when it’s natural, it’s unconditional, and it’s here – that’s what it in-fact means to live authenticity and to stand self-realized.

All in all I stayed on the farm for 6 months, and it was a fascinating adventure, wherein I got to learn a lot about myself, and a lot about how to practically live equality.

I learned from Bernard that to live oneness and equality practically, here, is in-fact a matter of physical self-movement, it’s a matter of doing, and actually changing oneself, as one’s habits that has become physically manifested. In my case laziness was the most ingrained habit, and I was pushed to deal with this – to push through my resistances to get out of bed each morning, and to in-fact do something concrete and practically visible with my life.

I realized that self-expression, through working with music, and Bernard giving me comments of insight on and off, that real self-expression can’t be faked, it can’t be forced, it must be here as breath, no preparation, no thought, no movement within before expression – but instead here, stand, breath, express, move.

And from seeing Bernard each day wake up, each day remain stable, each day remain consistent, I realized that depression, that “not feeling like it” – limiting oneself in ideas of energies, of ups and downs – isn’t in-fact valid – and it isn’t real. If Bernard is capable of each day moving himself, doing what is required to be done, moving himself breath by breath, then I am as well capable of moving myself here, breath to breath, doing what is required to be done.

And as I saw Bernard scream and shout, exploding in what seemingly looked like fury, I realized that there are certain values in life that stand eternal, and that it’s unacceptable to act in a way that harms or desecrates these values/principles – because this was the reason as to why Bernard would be screaming and shouting. If someone for example became possessed with anger, or didn’t throw the leftovers of his food into the trash can after he’d eaten it, Bernard would intervene and state that such a behavior was unacceptable – explaining why such a behavior was unacceptable, and what consequences such a behavior had in the bigger picture.

Too Bernard, and the other Destonians at the farm, each small action was of significance and could be taken up for discussion, as to if that action was in-fact supportive, or not supportive – no behavior that was harmful was left untouched by Bernard, wherever he saw that a behavior was being lived, that was harmful, intervention would be the medicine. And this made me realize that, to live and exist here is a great responsibility, as each action I do has it’s consequence, each thing that I decide to live will have it’s ripple effects, and if I am not present and aware, and if I don’t understand what I am doing – I might end up harming others.

But there was not only Bernard which made great impressions upon me, because all the people on the farm, all those first founding destonians, were fascinating and interesting people to watch and be around. They didn’t exist as “normal” people, from the perspective that they were disciplined, they would take a project from beginning to end without giving up – they would wake up each morning and without hesitation face the challenges of their day. I experienced it as for the first facing a reality that was stable, as all we’re stable as stones, waking up, walking their day, going to bed, only to the next day repeat the same procedure, always with the objective in mind – to establish a reality that is in-fact best for all.

And as I stayed on the farm for those six months, I came to experience myself much more stable, more silent, more physical, and much more natural – where I’d before been made up, from the perspective of wanting to present myself as someone that walked process, I was now in-fact living the practical application of walking process. The separation of thinking that I must change myself too become something “more” than me had stopped, and I’d realized that the change that must take place – will be me changing myself here as breath, with no knowledge, no pre-programming, but me as self-expression emerging here, through me pushing and applying myself as breath, self-forgiveness, and common sense.

This lesson I also learned in terms of my music, because at the farm I was highly involved with music production, the mistake I’d been doing with my music, was that I was trying to create music, from a starting point of  “this is what it should sound like” – “this is good music, this is bad music” – instead of me sharing me, me walking me, me applying myself, which can’t be done through thinking, or through having pictures or ideas in one’s mind of “how it should sound” – but it must be expressed, it must be lived, and then it’s real and actual self-movement.

And fascinatingly enough, when I allowed me to express myself unconditionally within my music, simply allowing me to share and express myself, that’s when I made the best songs, the songs with the must catchiness in them, and the songs I enjoyed to sing the most – thus: I understood that process can’t be thought up, or imagined – it’s not about becoming this great picture of a god – it’s about me expressing myself, something that I’ve never done before.

Bernard also showed me humility, as he was standing on the point of being stable, assertive, and clear in every moment – having understood and realized himself as life, yet still – he assisted and supported me to see understand the points of self-deception I was facing, talking to me so that I could understand, talking to me from where I was standing – not looking down upon me, or seeing me as inferior for being at another place in process; no – instead assisting and supporting me, seeing me as his equal.

And that is important for me to remember, that even though I might have transcended more points than another, another is still me, and even though they might exist within mind-fucks currently, this is not in-fact “who they are” – as they are as capable as me to transcend and become a greater being. Thus – when assisting and supporting another, I make sure that I remember, that I was once at such a position that they we’re, and that I walked myself out from it, to in-fact realize that – I am not limited to the mind-fucks I’ve created.

Thus, there is nothing bad, or inferior about being a beginner in process, we’ve all been the beginner, and we’ve all walked from that point – all that are to walk process have been at this position – and all that walk this process until it’s done – will find themselves at the end, equal in stand, equal in expression, equal in strength – as such comparison, as I am better, you are less, is stupid, as we’re in-fact all equal – only at different places in time.

After six months of staying with Bernard and the other South African destonians, I went home, to find me more stable, strong, and effective than ever before in my life – I had in-fact changed, and my time at the farm I will always remember, and for it I am grateful. It was truly fun, and anyone that say Bernard and the other Destonians are brainwashed cultists, or try to demean, and diminish them in other ways, they’ve never meet Bernard and Co. – they simply speak like that because they are jealousy. Because Bernard and Co. they are in-fact presenting, as themselves, a world that is best for all – heaven on earth – a new life – a new way to live, that is truly amazing.

That is my experience of Bernard Poolman, and visiting the farm –

Die well!

What is Relevant?

An interesting question to ask oneself in terms of walking process, as well as walking any other point in one’s life is “what is relevant?”

Because I’ve noticed the tendency within myself of wanting to focus upon issues and points that aren’t relevant what so ever in terms of what I am facing within myself, or in my reality. An example of such an unnecessary consideration in terms of dealing with a point within me would be to ask myself the question of why? Because how does that question in-fact support and assist me to deal with the point that I am facing?

To further exemplify this point: I would experience myself depressed a morning as I woke up, and I would lie in my bed and ask myself to question – why? But does me having the answer to why actually support and assist me to change my experience of myself as depression? Is the question of why in-fact relevant?

What is it that is relevant? What is it that is important?

It’s not the why – it’s not the what – it’s not the when – it’s in-fact the how – because only in asking myself how I am living a certain point of self-limitation, or how I am manifesting into my a world a point of failure am I able to take back self-responsibility and realize that – I am the HOW – and only the HOW matters to who I am. Why I am doesn’t matter because I am already here. When I am doesn’t matter because I am already here. What I am doesn’t matter because I am already here. How I am does matter because I am able to change myself as the how.

HOW as in WHO – How I am  – Who I am – Who am I? That’s the only relevant question that exists as it implies a stand of taking full responsibility, of self-empowerment and self-assertiveness.

Thus – it’s fascinating to see that we as mankind as come to fall in love with the question of why, as we look in our minds, searching for the answer of “what is the meaning of life?” and “why am I here?

If we instead change these questions to “how am I the meaning of life?” or “how do I live meaning as myself in my life?” we instead bring the point back to ourselves, realizing that it’s not up to anyone else to decide what we are going to live, and how – but it’s in-fact all about ourselves and self-motivation.

And then if we take the other question of “Why am I here?” and change it to: “How am I here?” – then one again turn the question towards oneself to realize and understand there is no one able to give one the answer of “Why am I here?” – because it’s of one’s own decision, and one decide through living a statement of oneself as “Who/How I am”.

Thus – to summary – when one write, or introspect and one start to ask questions to oneself – it’s of great assistance to consider whether or whether not the questions are in-fact necessary and relevant, or whether the information, and the words one place down before oneself is in-fact necessary or relevant – because I’ve found that many times it isn’t; but I’ve instead wrote in automated mind-set, simply writing things down without questioning what statements I am actually creating.

So, to be aware and practice the skill of being self-responsible and practical in one’s writing can also be called self-directed writing – wherein one stop the urge to produce the patterns of the mind on the paper in front of oneself, and instead place down a self-directive statement as to HOW one is going to change the WHO I am to become a more effective and benevolent human being.