Tag Archives: share

Day 372: Bringing Life Here

When things get too much, then focus on the small. One thing at a time. That is how movement is accumulated – we do one thing – then we do the next thing. Sometimes it is not possible to have overview, it is not possible to be in control over a series of events – however – we are always in control in THIS moment. In this movement we can decide who we are – and we can decide to move ourselves into the direction that we want to go.

I cannot walk my life effectively trying holding a image/projection in-front of my eyes, believing that I need to manifest that projection into reality – moving with that picture as a target my decisions become inflexible. I miss what is HERE in-front of me and start to move with a erratic frenzy. Life is HERE and hence it must be DIRECTED here – it cannot be lived as a picture – because that is not the nature of LIFE.

Goals can be defined and plans can be scripted – though it will only remain a plan and a goal – not LIFE. It is important to not confuse a goal and a plan with life. The former is used to find direction – the latter is what it is all about and cannot be defined within the limited confines of a goal and a plan. Hence it is important to never have the plan and the goal supersede what is happening in this moment – because it can all change – in one breath.

Real stability, clarity and overview is in the moment – it is HERE – it cannot be placed on a paper – it cannot be constructed – it must be LIVED – one moment – HERE – I see. And this is cool – because whenever stability, clarity and overview is missing – it does not mean that we have to arduously walk a long process until these points can be brought here – rather we can bring stability, clarity and overview – HERE – by making a decision to do so. And sometimes it might not be possible – and we need the tools of support such as writing and self-forgiveness – other times it is possible.

Because my life is so busy, with things, responsibilities, points to handle and direct constantly, I do not have the time to bring stability and clarity here through writing – I have to live it in the moment. Why wait for these things to come to me when I can decide to live that now?

 


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Day 413: Putting Ourselves Out There

Lately I have met many interesting people, with new views and perspectives on reality, that would assist and support if they became common knowledge. However, a point that I have realized as of late, is the importance of making sure that one share those ideas/perspectives in some way with the world. And there are unfortunately only a few of these people, with valuable insights and knowledge, that share themselves with the world, in mediums that will be accessible for many people, or in some other way make themselves known in a way that would affect a larger mass of people.

The perfect example of this I would say is politics. Many of us see parts of society that are able to be improved, we see solutions and we see new ways of tackling long standing problems. However, few of us bring that knowledge/insight into the public sphere – into the sphere of politics. Instead, we blame the current politicians for not solving the problems. And instead of us contributing, we stand back, and feel good about ourselves for being able to see the problems, while not standing up, to offer and work on tangible, concrete and long-term solutions.

It is thus a fascinating pattern of self-sabotage, our tendency to stand back, not share ourselves, not put ourselves out there, and then to blame others for not doing, what we see we could do, if we would have stood up and moved ourselves. Fascinating, and also, unnecessary and very destructive. Because how much could we not have changed, if all those capable, would have stood up and moved themselves?

Hence, what I have come to see, realize and understand in my process of self-change, is the importance of taking part, participating in the world and the current system, regardless of how it is done. To make sure that I do not isolate myself in a group where my sphere of influence remains limited, but that I push myself to move outwards. And that is something I do through blogging, though it does not really matter how it is done, it could be through vlogging or meetings in the physical, and it can be done anonymously – the point of importance is to is to in some way GET OUT THERE and BE an active PARTICIPANT in the shaping and creating of our current society and world.

Being an active PARTICIPANT – that is what I see as living with PASSION = Pass-It-On. Living with passion entails making sure that my strengths are shared with the world, that I pass them on, that I show and stand as an example. Because that is what I would have liked others to do for me. If I have a weakness, and someone else is strong in that area of their life, I would have wanted them to make sure that they share themselves and through that, show me, how I am able to transform my weaknesses into a strength.

Because fact is that no man is an island. We do live in a community, we are dependent on each-other, and hence, as a community, we will only ever be as strong as the weakest among us. That is why we ourselves also have an interest in making sure that we are heard, that we share ourselves and that we voice ourselves – because at the end of the day – that will also benefit us.


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Day 401: A Dramatic Unfolding of Events

Lately I have been walking through a fascinating point with regards to the emotional experience of betrayal. Before this, I did not consider myself a particularly sensitive, dramatic or emotional person, however, while this might be so in certain contexts, I definitely still have points to work with in other contexts.

This particular point opened up when I invited a friend to come and stay with me over the weekend. We agreed on a date, though, shortly before he was supposed to come over, my friend cancelled and told me that he had other responsibilities to tend to and could not make it. My initial reaction was that of worry/fear, believing that there was something wrong with me that had caused my friend to cancel. Then followed a reaction of feeling betrayed by my friend, because I felt as if he had promised me that he would meet up, and now broken that promise, and that feeling of betrayal in turn became resentment and anger.

Now, when this happened within me, I was pretty much taken by surprise, because I usually do not react like this. Though, on the other hand, I seldom invite anyone over, and I have not ever been a person to naturally ‘put myself out there’ when it comes to friends and relationships – hence the entire situation was a little bit out of character as to my part within it. Regardless, the final stage of this chain of reactions within me was blame, and while in this state of blame, my mind fervently began looking for ways through which I could take my revenge. These plots usually contained some way in which I rejected my friend and ‘made him feel what I had felt’.

Obviously, I could see clearly the insanity of what was going on inside of me, and I think the reason for this is because I am on average not very emotional. I am instead, most often, levelheaded and stable – and I do not accept and allow myself to use the relationships I have in my life to wind me up emotionally. I started looking at this point that I was walking through – I began applying self-forgiveness – and I could see, realize and understand a few underlying themes within me that were creating this experience.

Firstly, I could see that in relationships, especially those of friendships, I am still holding unto a sense of inferiority – where I feel that I am fortunate and lucky to be able to spend time with the other person, and secretly, deep within me, feel that I do not really deserve it. This belief then creates a tendency within me to compromise and change myself with others to make sure that they like me and that I retain the friendship. Seeing this, I realized that one important point that I will have to change is HOW I approach relationships. I cannot accept and allow a inequality within me, in the sense that I am either less, or more, than the other person, and that I hence have to fight, or that the other person have to fight, to retain the connection. In order for me to be stable in relationships, the approach must be one of equality, where I share myself, naturally, as who I am with another, and also realizing that whether the connection leads to a deeper connection or not, that is not something that I can control.

Secondly, I could see, realize and understand that in order to grow and expand when it comes to relationships in my life, I have to be the one that takes the initiative, and invite, communicate, push to share and give of myself, and at times, that will not be reciprocated, and other times it will. However, what is important to remember is that I cannot accept and allow MY expression within it all to change depending on whether my approaches are reciprocated or not – it must be something that I do from within and as a starting point of self-trust, self-love and self-worth – and where it hence does not matter how others will respond.

Thirdly, I could see that what this entire situation has shown me, is that I still have a lot of work to be done on my self-image and self-value – and hence I have pushed myself to be grateful for the various patterns that have opened up within and through this event – and utilized this way of approaching my reactions to let go of blame and resentment. Because I know that it is never about others, it is always about myself, and my relationship with myself.


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Day 265: Knowing and Not Knowing

i-knowIn conversations with others, these following words are quite common: ‘I know’ and ‘I don’t know’ – and usually they will arise within self as a reaction. With this I mean that the statement will not be an actual, factual, and objective statement that we make in a moment, instead our words will come from within and as an energetic movement in our solar plexus.

Let us begin with the statement ‘I don’t know’ – now for me – this many times comes up almost automatically, immediately. If someone asks me a question that I cannot answer, without for a moment, stopping up, and looking at it within me, then I will say ‘I don’t know’. Though the truth here is not that ‘I don’t know’ – what I am really saying is more: ‘I do not want to/feel like looking more deeply at this point’ – and then I use the get out of jail free card: ‘I don’t know’. Hence, the statement ‘I don’t know’ is actually something that I use as a excuse, to not stop up, and look deeper at a point – to not for a moment introspect and be truly inquisitive and investigate the why/how of something.

A way to correct this relationship with ‘I don’t know’ is to instead, as we want to speak these words, stop for a moment, and really allow the question asked to sink in, and see whether we are in-fact able to find the answer. If we after that process of self-investigation say ‘I don’t know’ – it will be the genuine truth of ourselves. Though if we do not push ourselves to walk that process of self-investigation, then our words ‘I don’t know’ will be as false idol – and not the actual representation of ourselves in a moment.

When it comes to the words ‘I know’ – there is an interesting difference. Often we speak these words when we feel that we already know what is being shared with us. Then even though the other person has only but begun talking, we interfere and exclaim that ‘I know’! Here as well it is a matter of speaking words that are not a real representation of who we are in a moment – because is it true that we know? Well, we might feel like we know, yet how can we possibly see what another will share/speak before they have been given the time to finish what they started?

Hence, the words ‘I know’ is actually a form of resistance, and when I speak these words, it is because I feel distressed and bored with having to hear something that I feel/experience I have already heard and established within myself – not understanding that there might be something new to be learned/realized – that I am now missing out on because I exist within and as this state of resistance/fear.

Thus, to redefine ‘I know’ into something supportive, what we can do is to, as someone is speaking/sharing something that we feel familiar with, give ourselves the time to really listen, and the person the time to really share themselves and their point until they are finished. And then when we have listened to the entire story, we can with clarity establish within ourselves, whether, or whether not we already know this. We might not even feel the need to share with the person that we ‘already know’ – we can simply conclude within that this information is already firmly established within self and thus nothing that I require to hold unto.

What is common ground with these two SOLUTIONS is the fact that they involve taking a moment to stop, to breathe and release the need to haste, and stress to the next moment – to instead be HERE and look more deeply – penetrate what is apparent and reveal that which is under the surface. It is fascinating how such a small moment of change/alteration can have a big impact within ourselves/lives – though really – what is life but these small moments of change/direction – that is what constitutes who we are – and through changing these small building blocks of life – we are actually changing ourselves/our world/this world system.

Day 225: A Slight Movement of Anxiety

Today I’m going to investigate a movement of anxiety that I’ve become aware of when I interact with people that I’ve already established somewhat of a relationship with.

So, for context, I was at the library studying, and then I saw one of my former classmates at the peripheral of my view – Immediately as I saw him there was a surge of anxiety that came up within me. In that moment I looked more closely at the anxiety to see where it was coming from, and I could see that it was triggered by a thought of him in someway become angry and rejecting me. So, the anxiety was about me fearing that something I would do, or not do, around this person, would cause him to feel as if I’d in some way treated him badly.

I could also see that there was a slight conflict within me that fueled this anxiety – on the one hand I feared making contact with him, and announcing my presence, and on the other hand I feared not making contact with him, fearing that if I didn’t – he would form an opinion of me as not being very sociable and nice. Thus, I was stuck in a loop within myself of two contradicting points – though the origin of the fear was the same in both cases – WHAT WILL HE THINK OF ME?

Why would I care so much about what another thinks of me?

The obvious answer to this is because what I perceive he thinks of me, means something to me, I accept and allow it to define me, and my value – that is the acceptance and allowance that exist within – that what this other person will conjure in their mind, and experience as a emotional or feeling reaction – that is the grading of me – that is my final judgment. This would indicate that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to give myself that position within me, that I DECIDE who I am, the I DECIDE my value – and that this is not determined by anyone else but myself. Because why should it? How come my interpretation of another’s reaction should be define who I am? What sort of validity does how I perceive another’s reaction have, that makes it an apparently factual assessment of me as a being in a moment?

The answer is – there is NO reason why it should define who I am. There is NO reason why I should fear what others think of me, because it’s really NOT relevant to WHO I AM – and thus – the correction I see that I must work with is living this self-trust, and self-worth – and practice this practically through breathing through these reaction – placing my attention in the tip of my toes and fingers – stabilizing myself HERE and standing as the statement that I AM HERE – and practice standing vulnerable, open and relaxed in my human physical body – allowing my chest area to protrude slightly – thus living the statement in the physical – that what someone else think can’t in-fact define me or have an impact on me – because it’s simply common sense that I make the decisions as to who I am and I decide to be comfortable with myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make a stand for and as myself when talking with, and facing human beings in my world – to practice standing within and as my human physical body and showing myself to this world – within the statement that THIS IS WHO I AM – and realizing that I decide and define my relationships with others – and that I decide and define my relationship with myself – and that whether another likes or dislikes me is not a point that is relevant to WHO I AM – when I decide that I will stand with myself unconditionally HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand within and as self-worth and stability when interacting with others in my life, to stand in the knowing that I will embrace, accept and hold myself regardless of what another thinks of me – that I do not accept and allow the reaction of another to define who I am – because I decide who I am – I decide how I experience myself – I decide what words to speak and what words to define me – my life and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m limited with regards to my interactions with others, and that my value is limited and less than the value of another – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach others from within this starting point that I’m limited, and less than – and that I hold less value than another – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding how this is in-fact an assumption that I’ve made, an opinion that I’ve created of myself that isn’t real – because the reality of the situation is that I am here as a human-being in flesh – and that another is also a human being in the flesh – and that we’re thus on that level equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’ve something to loose in the interactions with another, that I’ve my stability, my self-worth, my self-respect to lose, that at any moment these aspects of myself might become attacked and nullified by the words, and behavior of and as a another – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a stance of defense, and holding back, believing that I am in this way protecting myself – not realizing that there is in-fact nothing to protect myself from – that I am merely protecting myself from my own fears and anxieties – and that what I’m experiencing isn’t really real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the fear that comes up within me when interacting with another, seeing someone that I’ve established a relationship with, that it isn’t real – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the coping mechanisms I’ve established, as either moving in to socialize, or rejecting and not paying attention to the other person, are both equally flawed – because what is missing is my stability, my direction and self-trust in who I am – and living that value and recognition that I am a equal human being with equal value, equal worth and equal substance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when this fear arise within me, it indicates that there is a point of separation within me, where I’ve defined another as being a decisive element in the creation of who I am – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact an idea, that it’s a lie to believe that someone can decide who I am, that someone has the power to define my existence, and my life, and my experience of myself – because in reality that power, direction and will lies within me – and it’s simply a aspect of myself that I’ve not yet been willing to embrace and fully stand within and live as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as self-value – and practice living this point through when meeting someone that I’ve a relationship with, when walking past them, or discussing something with them, to stabilize myself here within and as my breathe, to breathe deeply and ground myself in my physical body – and then move myself to interact and live from this deep groundedness that exist within and as me – to place my self-trust in this deep stability that exist when I push myself through my emotions and feelings and place my attention unto that which is real – that which is physical – that which is verifiable and that I’m able to see and interact with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a fool out of myself in front of another, to fear that I’ll say or do something that is going to trigger contempt in another, wherein they see me as a useless piece of scenery in their life, that doesn’t hold any value or meaning – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my relationships, put up an act, where I try to make sure that I will not be seen as a fool, but that I will all the time be nice, and be good, and be comfortable, and easy going – so that everyone will think nicely of me – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not an effective way to live – that in being constantly nice and trying to make sure that nobody dislikes me – I’m in-fact compromising myself

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to practice living stability in my relationships with others, to live self-value, and self-reliance in my relationships with others – where I will myself to ground myself in my physical body – to trust myself and speak, interact, and move myself from this deep groundedness within and as my human physical body

I commit myself to see and understand that being nice is not an effective way to go about creating my world, and that through being nice all the time I’m in-fact setting myself up for compromise, because I’m not considering myself, only what others might, or might not think about me – and thus I commit myself to instead of being nice – be stable – HERE within and as my physical – and practice expressing myself from this equality with others – that I am their equal and they are mine – and that we share this physical reality and world – and that neither of us is the superior one

When and as I see that I go into a anxiety as I interact with another, and I begin to change myself, and mold myself, to make a nice face, and a nice character, and be easy going, to make the other person like – I stop – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understanding that in living out this nice-character, I’m in-fact limiting myself, and sabotaging my life, and my relationships, where I will do things I don’t want to do, move myself in a direction I don’t want to go, agree with things I don’t want to agree with, only to make sure that I keep face and my value up – and thus I commit myself to establish within me that deep groundedness – that deep knowing of myself – that I will stand by me as self-worth and value – and that this point is unconditional