Tag Archives: stable

Day 343: Fear of Loosing My Freedom?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking, imagining, fantasizing, as freedom, to think that it is through using the mind that I am able to be free, and that it is through the physical that I am stuck

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming stuck, locked into, and defined by the physical, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, giving up the mind and embracing the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up fantasies, in the fear that I will become limited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up thoughts, projects, and imaginations, in fear that I will become limited without them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to believe that I can be dis-empowered by the physical, and that the mind empowers and strengthens me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear silence, quiet, and darkness, to fear being without a constant chatter within me, where I look at things, believing that it is freedom, to constantly move around within and look at different things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is freedom, freeing, and fulfilling, to constantly be busy with things, and believe, that the busier I am, that the more fulfilling, enjoyable, and great my life is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my mind in the belief that my mind makes me free – and that my mind makes me flexible – and that I would die, shrivel, and loose my vitality without constantly being in my mind, and using my mind to think about things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up and stopping my tendency to think about, imagine, and fantasize about the future, in fear that I will limit myself, and confine myself, and loose the experience of freedom that I feel I am having when I am participating in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being earthed is being isolated and locked down – that it means that I cannot express myself – that I cannot look at things or expand – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate expansion, looking, movement, freedom, with my mind, instead of living these words as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from living freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate freedom with looking at my future in my mind – looking at what I am going to do next – looking at my opportunities – looking at what might arise and come into my life next – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand, that freedom as a real expression – does not yet exist in this world – that freedom is something to be created on a global level through changes in the world system – and that freedom does not mean being able to fantasize about things in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel secure when I am able to fantasize about what is going to happen in the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel comfortable and at ease when I imagine and fantasize about my next move in the future – and to believe that existing and expressing myself HERE is a prison – because then I am not able to visit far away places in my mind – then I am locked down and defined within my body to only be here – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I do have the potential of living and creating myself as the word freedom – that this is nothing I need to wait for – and that living the word freedom in the physical is a lot more powerful than only experiencing it in my mind

When and as I see myself going into future projections – and I feel comfortable/at ease/free – I take a breath – and I stop myself and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that real freedom is freedom lived and experienced in the PHYSICAL – not an experience – not a thought – real freedom is something that cannot be imagined – and thus I commit myself to instead of thinking about freedom in my mind – practice CREATING real freedom in my life – through living FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION – which is a real and substantial freedom that I am able to grant myself

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Day 264: Fear of Missing the Train

When I have now become a regular commuter, I have come to notice a fear of missing the train. Now this fear is interesting to observe, because it is a cool example of the irrational nature of fears. Even though I am mostly 10 to 15 minutes early, I will still have a urgency, and fear that I must get on the train as fast as possible, because apparently it will potentially leave before I have boarded. I have had this fear as far back as I can remember, and it is not only with trains, I have fears of being late to meetings, and other type of appointments as well – and because of that I am usually earlier than everyone else.

Looking more deeply into this fear, I see that the fear of being too late hides a fear of the unpredictable, because what does it represent to miss an appointed time? Usually what follows is something unpredictable, or maybe a conflict, at least, it is not something that I am able to foresee. Looking even deeper, this fear of the unpredictable also reveals still another layer: Lack of self-trust. Because why would it be that I fear the unpredictable? Due to me believing that I am not able to handle that situation, believing that I need to be prepared and already have all the information in order to effectively direct my life.

This latest point that I mentioned is also fascinating to look into, because this is a problem that I have had with regards to bigger decisions in my life. I have been fearful, and indecisive when it comes to making decision, simply because I am not sure on how it is going to play out, what is going to happen – thus – facing the unknown/the unpredictable/that which I am not able to prepare for.

My fear of missing train as such really links back to a fear of the unpredictable/fear of the unknown. This goes to show how our day-to-day lives, and our small fears of everyday things can show us something a lot more meaningful about ourselves. The solution that I see to this point is to develop a self-trust in myself even in the face of the unknown – and to when this fear of the unknown/unpredictable comes up within me – to then say to myself that no – I will not accept and allow myself to fear the unknown – I will trust myself to walk into the unknown and direct myself within it effectively – or at least allow myself to make the mistakes, learn from them, and become effective in directing and moving myself in the unknown.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which I am not able to predict, or control, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to direct myself in that which is unknown, and unchartered to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop self-trust in directing myself in that which us unknown, and unchartered territory for me – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize fear as a coping mechanism for me to not have to face the unknown and that which I am not able to control, direct, or foresee

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the only way I can become better at directing myself in the unpredictable and unknown – is through trusting myself to walk into it – and when I am in it – push myself to be stable here – and look for solutions – establish a direction for myself that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing my train, and become stressed, and anxious as I am going to my train, because I fear that I might miss it, and fear what might come out of that, and that I cannot control and exactly know the consequences of me missing my train, and how I am going to deal with this, if it happens in my life – hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into, and exist within and as a state of fear, and anxiety, and worry, where I believe that I will be better off, by hiding in these experiences, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way to really grow is to put myself into the deep end of the pool – and learn to swim

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare myself to be more comfortable with taking the train, and with not being so early to the train, realizing that I can give myself some moments, and that there is still urgency for me to go to the train, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not actively stop these thoughts of fear of missing my train

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when this fear of missing my train comes up, to see that what I really fear is loosing control, and not having full direction on my life and where it is that I am going – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up control, and fear ending up in a situation and position where I can’t predict what will happen next – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent upon predictability for me to be able to trust myself – and see what my next step will be – and where it is that I am going next

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable of handling the unknown, and the unpredictable, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself, and hold myself back in this distrust, and try to cope with this distrust through fear, and worry – where I believe that if I fear and worry – I will protect myself from consequential outflows and more effectively be able to make decisions in my life that are right and will lead me to the best outflow possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on fear and worry to apparently protect me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear and worry only makes me less capable of analyzing, and guiding myself through a moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I do not need to know exactly what is going to happen in the future for me to be able to see what the best direction for me is, and how to best deal with the situation that I am in – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice remaining stable and grounded here when I am faced with a moment where I don’t have control and overview – and where I am not sure what is going to happen and where my decisions will lead me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear, and worry, because I am faced with a moment where I don’t have control, and the future is unpredictable, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that even though I might not specifically now where to go from here, and what is going to happen, this doesn’t have to destabilize and make me less effective, because I decide who I am – and I decide how to deal with moments that come my way – and hence I commit myself to stabilize myself using my breath – and practice remaining grounded and walking into my future even though I am not sure on what is going to happen

When and as I see myself distrusting myself, and using fear, and worry to apparently prepare myself, and make myself alert to deal with a unpredictable future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I don’t need, nor do I require fear and worry to be effective in my life – and to stabilize myself to make effective decisions when I am not clear on the direction in my life – and hence I commit myself to stabilize myself – and move myself from moment to moment – to look for a solution and a direction in every moment – and trust myself that I will find a solution if I continue to push and do not accept and allow myself to give up

Day 125: Communication, or the Lack Thereof

Today a situation occurred which was a outflow of primarily two points: ineffective communication and an ineffective definition and living of the word responsibility.

miscommunicationTo give the general outline of the situation, it was as follows: I have taken on a particular responsibility wherein I have pledged to assist and support with a particular point. Walking this point I have come to see that there isn’t that much to do, meaning, there was no need for what I had pledged to assist and support with. I discussed this with the beings involved, and we came to some sorts of agreement to spend less time on the point, because there wasn’t much if anything at all to be done. Thus, here I see the first issue – there was no clear cut agreement made as to how to direct this particular point – there was a vague agreement but no clear understanding between all participants; such a opaqueness is bound to create conflicts.

In deciding to spend less time on this particular point, there was a couple of points I didn’t take into consideration, one of these points was that as a part of the commitment, I had to be located at a particular place, at a particular time, in order to answer a phone – because the phone had not been ringing I simply disregarded and within that didn’t look at how we particular commitment I had walked into involved answering and taking responsibility for the phone-activity. Thus, here I see that I compromised in regards to responsibility – as I didn’t take full responsibility of my decisions, to see all potential outflows and effects of my decisions, and instead disregarded the phone point and opted to stick with my decision to spend less time on the point.

I am able to see that the reason there was no clear cut communication to begin with, was partly because of how I approached the point – I didn’t see myself as fully responsible – and instead I projected the responsibility of the point unto another participant in the group, and sort of made him “the responsible one” – this as well is a fascinating outflow of ineffective communication – who is really taking responsibility for this point? Regardless, it all comes down to responsibility, because if I had been taking self-responsibility, I would have clarified who is responsible for what, and what is my specific role in this point? What am I expected to do and not do? I mean, I didn’t take the communication to that final point – and I in that I didn’t clarify for myself my starting point in regards to taking on the commitment – and in that clarifying – Who I am in regards to this particular point.

What I have realized thus, is the importance of clear communication, the importance of being aware of the context, and the importance of clarifying any vagueness and obscure situation – so that I know who I am – what I am to do – what others are to do and not to do – that is the solution to end conflict and make participation between human beings effective and rewarding.

I see that I am able to practice this, through when I walk points in my world, make commitments, and collaborate with others, that I ask myself, what is my point here? What is it that I am walking? What is my responsibility? And is there something not clear to me? And in this make sure that when I make a decision for myself as well as with others – that it is CLEAR – unambiguous – leaving no room for interpretation – it is done.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unclear and not specific in my communication and direction in life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions without really deciding, to communicate without really communicating, to participate without really participating – because I am not HERE – presentaware and specific in what I am doing – realizing that I am responsible for the outflow of this particular situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences in my life through not being specific with communication and making clear agreements with others in my life where I know where I stand – and I know where the other person stands – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that things are “just going to work” – and that things will “sort themselves out” – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that unless I make something work – unless I decide to be specific – diligent – and put effort into every moment of participation – then I am going to face consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be specific in my communication with myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions without being clear – to move myself without being directive and understand what I am doing and why I am doing it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from within and as the assumption that things will just work out – instead of realizing that nothing just works out because I will have to make it work – I must direct the point into and as specificity – and into and as being effective – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take that responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility within myself – and make sure that every in my life – is a moment that I dedicate towards making the best of my life – and live this principle through being clear in my communication and aware and present – and direct points when something is not clear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that others are to direct points that are not clear – that others are to become more effective in their communication and that it is not a problem for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this entire situation developed through me not having a clear definition and understand of “who I am” in relation to the point – and this was a consequence of me not effectively clarifying my position and agreement with others through communication – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that the key to being “in control” of my life – is to be an effective communicator – and within this understand where I am going, understand what requires to be said, and understand that unless a point is directed through effective communication – it will not be directed at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that others are to direct situations for me – and that others are to clarify and make decisions for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my life – for all aspects and dimensions of my life – and within this see, realize and understand that – there is no one else that is going to do it for me – and unless I make this decision and decide to take responsibility for all points – and direct all points in my life – then I am going to face consequences – which is obviously completely and totally unnecessary – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the solution is to stand up and make the decision to take responsibility – and do so regardless of whether others walk the point or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being effective at communicating and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being clear in their communication and thus apparently causing conflicts for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not to blame others – but for me to stand up in my own life and take responsibility and ensure that my communication is effective – to ensure that there are clear and effective agreements so that no assumptions can grow – and no interpretations can be made – because there is a clear understanding – a clear and effective way forward as a structure that uphold the particular relationship that is being walked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others to become more specific and clear in their communication and use this as an excuse for why I am not pushing myself to become more effective and clear with my communication – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself through waiting on others – and that I can wait forever – and that nothing will change – which doesn’t make sense because my life becomes filled with consequence when I wait with changing instead of changing immediately – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be more aware of my communication, to be more aware of who I am, where I am, and what my points are in regards to what I am walking in my life – so that I am as such specific and exact in all the points that I have taken on – and that I walk my life certain of myself – because I am clear in my communication with myself as will as with my communication with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the obvious common sense in all of this is that I will benefit from becoming more effective in communication – and others in my world will benefit from me becoming more effective in communication – and thus there is absolutely no reason for me to wait, and blame others – it just doesn’t make sense – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not assist and support myself – and push my communication skills to be the best that they can possibly be

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am not communicating effectively, and that I am involved in a point where I don’t have clarity and there is no clear agreement, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that without clarity there can’t be effective collaboration, and without clear agreement there will be conflict – and as such I commit myself to in that direct myself to create and establish clear agreements – so that I know my place in the structure – and I am clear on what I am doing and how I am doing it – because I have defined for myself in clear unambiguous words – my starting point – my who I am

When and as I see that I want to make a decision, but I am not clear, not stable, and not certain in regards to this decision, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s pointless to make decisions when I am not stable and clear, because the decision will not be a decision but only a form of suppression resulting in an eventual conflict, and then later on I will have to deal with the point yet again, and as such I commit myself to walk the necessary effort and that extra mile – in order to ensure that when I make a decision – I am clear – I have dealt with the reactions and the experiences – I have my structure before in the form of words – I know what I am doing – and how I am going to do it – and then I walk; thus – words first as the structure – then the decision as walking the structure

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Day 94: Achieving More Than Myself

goalToday I received the grades of a paper that I’d written some time ago, and within that I experienced a disappointment because I felt that the grades wasn’t good enough. Thus, I reacted and defined myself according a point in my external reality and thus I limited myself, believing that I require something separate from me in order to stand within myself – accept, value and love myself – this relates to the character I’ve been walking in recent blogs as the career – money – and survival character, thus I will be looking more closely at this reaction.

Firstly, why did I react in disappointment?

Well, I expected more from myself, I desired to have that top grade because that would mean I am apparently special, a winner, and that I would in the future be able to get a better job. So, in essence – what I am able to see is that my reaction of disappointment is a polarity reaction of the potential experience of success, fulfillment and achievement – a point that I desire to experience in my life.

Why is it then that I desire to experience success and achievement?

I see that this relates to my idea of myself in relation to value, I define my value according to how much I win, how much I am able to achieve in comparison with others – and thus I in-fact make decisions in my life not from a starting point of what is best for me, or best for all, but according to how I can place myself in a position wherein I am able to feel like a winner – which is obviously very limiting to say the least.

Why is it that I can’t allow myself to be satisfied with myself, and accept myself without me being a success and a high achiever “out there”?

I see that I’ve defined the external, “outside there” world as being more than me – somehow that world out there is the only real world that exist and what I think, who I am, that seemingly doesn’t matter in anyway what-so-ever – the only thing that matters is what others think about – and only through becoming someone in the eyes of others will I apparently be able to accept myself.

How come I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to change this, and within that will myself to accept, love, and really appreciate myself?

It’s fascinating – I see it as something that is impossible, apparently I can’t accept myself, love myself, and appreciate myself if nobody else thus it, because seemingly who I am isn’t worth anything, is of no substance and relevance unless there is someone else validating me and giving me some kind of feedback that – “you’re enough” – “you’re the best” – “you can do it

What I want is to change this point so that I can walk in this world but not be of this world – I do not want to have my experience of myself change each and every time I face difficulties in my external world – I instead want to stand unwavering – stable – certain – the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow – being flexible and aware – ready to act – ready to decide – ready to change – ready to move myself – and not in this state of fear all of the time as to what others might or might not think about me; thus – I want to be able to live this life FOR myself in the sense that I make decisions that are best on my own self-honest assessment as to what is best for all – and not according to how I believe I am seen and interpreted by others.

The fact that I react to what grade I receive in school indicates that there is a big problem – this shows that I do not in-fact value and appreciate myself – because if I’d actually valued and appreciated myself UNCONDITIONALLY – I’d simply be stable in receiving my grades – stable and able to see what mistakes I did and then within that simply move myself to correct myself – ABLE – STABLE – UNWAVERING – HERE – EFFECTIVE; thus this is what I commit myself to create myself as in this life – to be able to stand stable regardless of what I face – and to walk through this education as a point of practicality – to get a job in the system from a starting point of practicality – and not see it as something that defines me.

It’s DONE – let’s walk self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself according to money, to value myself according to grades, to value myself according to what I perceive others think of my, to value myself according to status, to value myself according to how much attention I receive, to value myself according to whether I perceive others like me or not, to value myself according to what job I have – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand unconditional as self-value – as myself – to not accept and allow myself to limit myself through defining myself according to the external points I face in my world – but to stand here – stable – and walk my life from a starting point of practicality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stick with what is practical – to realize that in essence my education is practical – a job in the system is practical – to write a paper is practical – to receive grades on a paper is practical – and thus it doesn’t have to in anyway define who I am – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through defining myself according to what value I perceive I have in the system as money; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sell myself out to money – to sell myself out to “becoming something” – to sell myself out to “being something” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to LIVE HERE – to realize that real life – real expression – real substance – is HERE and is not to be found in money – career – job – excellent grades – but is to be found HERE with and as myself in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give upon myself through giving myself over to money – through giving myself over to the system and accepting and allowing the system to assign me a value, a number, a experience – to assign and tell me who I am; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up within and as myself – take a breath – and state that I am here and that I will not accept and allow myself to in anyway compromise and sell myself out – I will stand and walk here with myself and regardless of where I end up in this system I will value myself – and appreciate myself – and stand by myself unconditionally – I commit myself to not anymore compromise myself through defining myself according to money – I instead stand here for and as LIFE as what is best for all – realizing that I will but be in this system for a while – in this particular position for a while – and this doesn’t define me – because I am HERE as LIFE – and that is not able to be limited and defined through money and position and stature

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through holding unto my relationship with money as thinking that money defines who I am, money gives me value, money gives me reason, my gives me purpose – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for acceptance and love within money – within feeling and experiencing myself as being accepted by the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself – to shun myself – to shame myself – to forget myself – instead of accepting and allowing myself to make the decision to value myself – to appreciate myself – and to unconditionally let go of my relationship to the system as believing that this current money system defines WHO I AM – defines WHAT I AM – and thus I commit myself to instead define and create myself in each and every moment of breath HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that what I extent I am accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself when I give myself purpose through money, through thinking that what creates me is the system, that what gives me purpose and meaning is the system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and make the decision to change myself – make the decision to anymore be a slave to money but to instead stand self-directed – self-motivated – self-moved here – and not anymore accept and allow my life to be driven – motivated – and directed by me trying to become someone and something in the eyes of the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life in hope of becoming accepted and recognized by the money system – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am through giving myself over to money, to jobs, and career – as allowing these points to define who I am – giving up on myself as life – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the commit to be unconditional with myself – to remain innocent in walking in this system as not accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to money – to define myself according to stature – and to define myself according to position – but that I instead accept and allow myself to unconditionally, without purpose, without reason – value and appreciate myself – and to stand as this point regardless of how or where I stand within this current system – and that I as such stand as LIFE – that I am as such universal and not only caught up in my personal life experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of this desire and want to become somebody in the eyes of the system – to achieve a life and a living that is in the eyes of the system considered to be desirable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally accept myself HERE and live myself HERE – and wake up each and everyday stable – consistent – here – standing one and equal with and as the physical – wherein I am not trying and attempting to become more than the physical – I am not trying and attempting to be less than the physical – but that I simply stand HERE – walk HERE – apply myself HERE – and thus I stand here as one breath – as one movement – unified – one and equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back into and as my human physical body – to re-instate myself here with and as my direct physical – to re-integrate myself here and realize that what goes on in my mind as experiences is not real – is not the actual physical expressing itself but is merely what I have accepted and allowed to be the physical – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and within this stop following energy in the mind – stop defining myself according to grades and jobs and careers – and let that entire point go – realizing that nothing will in-fact flow from such a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that I am able to give myself value, that I don’t require money to give value – that I don’t need somebody else to confirm to me that I am good enough – that this idea that I need another is simply a illusion – is in-fact a excuse for me to not stand up within and as myself – within and as my human physical body and apply myself – and walk myself out of my mind and into and as this direct physical hereness – wherein I am simply here and I walk through my life as the practical points that my life consists of – and not as a state of reaction believing that what occurs and happens in my life must define me; as such I commit myself to stop this pattern of following the mind – following reactions – and believing that I can’t change myself – and I instead commit myself to change – to birth myself HERE as life from the physical and stop this giving up in believing that I am not good enough to accept and value myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I must make the decision, and bring the decision into practical life living – that I do not anymore accept and allow myself to define myself, my existence, and my life according to money, according to career – according to the idea of what a successful life is – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself back here to and as breath – to and as my human physical body – and re-instate myself here – walking value as myself here and realizing that when I receive bad grades – that this doesn’t define who I am – that I am here as the physical and that these bad grades are merely a point of practicality that I am able to change and direct

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I value myself according to job, career, money, and future – according to how I perceive myself to be seen in the eyes of the system – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to stop compromising myself through giving into and believing that my external reality defines who I am – and I commit myself to instead stand unconditional here in each and every moment of breath – to stand stable and steadfast here and not accept and allow myself to in anyway waver – or react – or become emotional due to money, or due to where I am in the system – neither positively or negatively – I simply walk here practically – I am here

 

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Day 58: Fear in Relation to Having My Own Business

Today I am going to continue with writing about fears, and anxieties in relation to creating, and moving myself within my own business.

So, what I’ve noticed is that the primary points are fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and also fear of loosing money – which is in essence fear of the unknown, because I not having any money I am going to face the great big unknown. Thus – these points I notice hold me back from really committing myself, and fully engaging myself in my decision to walk my own business.

It’s fascinating – that what I fear I will create – for example; when I fear failure I will manifest failure, and here I could do it through not committing myself fully but instead “staying in the back” – because if I commit myself fully then I will stand the risk of actually loosing something, something that I’ve cared for, and given my all to walk.

Thus – when there is fear of failure, and fear of the unknown – I can’t commit myself fully and that is why it’s important that I get these points out of the way and bring myself back here to the physical to walk physical real actuality HERE.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear committing myself, and to fear walking fully this opportunity to have, and build my own business – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back, and to fear making decisions that will bring me failure, and as such handicap myself and make myself incapable and ineffective in my world, and my daily living – because I don’t make the decisions required to be successful because I fear failure; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be successful through not fearing failure – through making decisions without hesitation – without inferiority – without feeling less than – but instead simply making decisions HERE within and as oneness and equality as breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and define myself as being “a little human being” and feel and experience myself as being inferior in comparison to this world – and to think that this world-system is so much more than me that I can’t possibly understand how to function, and how to move in this system – and that I will become completely devoured if I try to walk my own business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become brainwashed to fear having my own business – in believing that having my own business equals great risk, and uncertainty – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that as a matter of fact – a business that one owns is in-fact more secure, and stable than a employment because in one’s own business everything is determined by one’s own self-movement – and thus if I remain consistent, effective, and stable in my movement, and direction there will not be any problem to walk a solution financially as walking my own business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, and see myself as not being a business person – thinking that I am not meant to have my own business and due to this I am apparently allowed to go into fear, anxiety, and inferiority in relation to having, and managing my own business – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to this physical reality – and to see, realize, and understand that nobody is born to have their own business – but that it’s simply skills that one develop through practice, and through education – and that it got nothing to do with experience, or one’s so called “nature”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a idea towards having my own business that it’s dangerous, and it’s uncertain – and that I should rather avoid it and only do it as the absolutely last thing when everything else fails – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my living, in my life, in my direction, and in my commitment to myself to walk this life as what is best for all – and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the only way I’m able to do what I want in this life – and in-fact bring forth something of substance, of worth and value – is through walking, and having my own business – there is simply no other way to do this as far as this particular point goes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this automatic fear, and anxiety in relation to having my own business – thinking and believing that it’s too complicated for me, that it’s to big a thing, that I am not able to see all the small points, and details – and that I as such must remain within and as a state of fear, and avoidance – wherein I don’t really dive into the point because I want to keep myself at a safe distance – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe, and push through my fears – and realize that my fears are limiting me, and that I am in-fact creating that which I fear through fearing it; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop all types, and points of fear within me – and instead live and walk this business opportunity as being fearless – and without any form of doubt, or inferiority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow myself to become possessed with worry, and fear that something is going to go wrong with my business – and that I am going to fail; and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stick with mathematics – meaning that I stick with facts and not with what I feel, experience, or think that I am seeing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with and as reality – to not work with and as what is real and understand that fearing something without there being in-fact facts proving that my fears are valid – are simply delusional and it’s in-fact a state of self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear can’t exist when and as I stand by facts – and I see what is HERE – because fear is like this state of uncertainty as to what is going to happen, and how I will experience myself within that – but in allowing myself to see the facts – and remain here with the facts and the facts only – there won’t exist any such tension because I simply see what is here – and I act according to what is here as provable facts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need something more than facts, that I need something more than me to stop myself from fearing having my own business – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear is not real – it’s a delusion – it’s a experience that I am able to stop through breathing myself back here and not giving any attention to the point of fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give fear value – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that fear is worthless – and that fear sucks the life out of me

Self-commitments

When and as I fear committing myself to walking a business solution, because I fear, and experience anxiety that something might go wrong, that I will loose control, and that it will be too hard for me; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how I am in this moment sabotaging myself from walking what is here as a business opportunity effectively – and that I am giving into experiences of the mind instead of remaining here with and as my human physical body – and walking what is physical – actual – here; as such I commit myself to remain and stay physical through being here – and simply walking without thinking

When and as I see myself as a little, hopeless, and helpless human being that is simply at the behest of this big bad world-system – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this idea is merely a point of justification, and excuse for me not to move, learn, and expand myself – because when I am inferior it’s apparently okay for me to not do anything and just remain in my comfort-zone; as such I commit myself to BREATH and to BE HERE with myself and push through my limitations – push through my inferiorities – and expand myself and in-fact get to know and be here with myself as a living force that is able to walk what is required to be walk without fear

When and as I start thinking about risks, uncertainty, and what might happen, and what might not in the future in relation to the business – and think that a employment is much more safe, and secure; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am not here in this world to feel safe, or to feel secure, or to live a comfortable life – I mean – I am here to in-fact live a life of substance, meaning, that have a impact, and a effect in this world as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to do what is required to do – to walk the points that must be walked – and to not fear failure, or poverty, or any other form of negative point in this world

When and as I see that I say to myself that “I am not a business person” – in order to justify why I limit myself, and go into fear in relation to having my own business – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this form of behavior is in-fact a lie – because the truth is that NOBODY is born anything – all points are programmed through repetition and as such I am able to program myself to be and stand as what is required to be done; as such I commit myself to stand up within and as myself – and do what is required to be done; to walk the points necessary to be walked – and to not postpone – to not fear – and to not think but instead walk within oneness and equality HERE with my human physical body

When and as I see that I am defining having my own business as dangerous, fearful, uncertain, and not desirable because it’s apparently unstable – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this fear is not real – because truth of the matter is that if I establish a business that is based upon my own stable consistency, and application – then this will be more stable and rewarding than a employment – simply because I will stand point and I will be the decision maker – and not somebody else above me; as such I commit myself to stop fearing having my own business and instead work with the facts – work with the actualities of having my own business

When and as I see that I fearing to really dive into the point of walking my own business, to really commit myself, and align myself with it – and close all backdoors – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that a house divided against itself can’t stand – meaning – that when I accept and allow any form of backdoor to exist within me – this will compromise my effectiveness, and my commitment in relation to the point; as such I commit myself to unify myself through directing myself within and as common sense – seeing that common sense is the unifying principle of myself wherein there is no need for feelings, or emotions – because I simply see and then I act

When and as I go into worry, and fear that I am going to fail with the business, and that something is going to go wrong – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in fearing something I am creating that something – thus – the most effective point is to STOP FEAR and to simply WALK – to walk the practicalities – to commit myself to the point and then simply walk and not accept and allow any form of hesitation or “wanting to get out” to exist within me – but to walk uncompromisingly without fear of what might happen, or what might not happen; as such I commit myself to walk this point uncompromisingly and fully – and throw myself out there – and go into this without any fears, or doubts

When and as I see that I am aligning myself with fears instead of facts – that I am looking at my world from a starting point of experience, instead of seeing what is here in-fact; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that fears are not representing reality – thus I will not be effective in directing myself in reality if I listen to and build my life around fears – as such I commit myself to bring myself back here and to walk without fear – without hesitation – and without doubt – and to do what is required to be done without any double-thinking

When and as I justify my fears, and insecurities through thinking that I am not big enough, I am not stable enough, and I am simply not yet ready to walk my own business – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me holding myself back from in-fact living, and directing myself in this life without fear – and that I am capable it’s just that I don’t want to give up on a comfortable life where I can justify my apathy through fear – and through me not being strong enough; as such I commit myself to push through and to walk my life without accepting and allowing my decisions to be dictated by and through fear – but instead dictate my decisions by and through common sense as what is best for all

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