Tag Archives: structure

7_bau1vyr8i-aj-o-reilly

Day 365: Conditioning Self-Expression

Today I took some time to direct a couple of my material belongings that had been put in storage. I approached the project with the starting point that I had to make a decision for each of my belongings as to what was going to happen to it – what purpose it was going to have for the future to come. The things which I had not used in a couple of years I decided to give away – this group of things included a saxophone and a electric drum set. The underlying principle I applied was simple, with me these possessions were not used to their full potential, and by giving them away to someone that would actually use them, that would support fulfilling both the recipients expression and the instruments potential; in other words – giving the instruments away would be what is best for all.

However, and here is where it starts to get interesting, as I had made the decision to give away the instruments, I began to have second thoughts, and the backchat that moved within me was something along the following lines: ‘What if I will miss these instruments? I might want to play them at a later stage, and then I will not have them! Man, before when I was a bit younger, I played a lot of music, now I do not anymore, I really miss that’. Thus, my initial backchat was initiated by a fear of loss, and then my mind moved to how I miss playing instruments and having music as a part of my life – that latter part of the backchat as well motivated by a fear – a fear that I had lost these expressions of myself which I had accessed when I was younger as part of playing my instruments and devoting myself to music.

The experience took me by surprise, because I had seen that I was finished with these instruments, that I had used them and that I was satisfied with what I had expressed and achieved, though now with this fear coming up, I started to doubt myself. I took a breath and gave myself a moment to stabilize – and I looked at the point within myself.

I could see that practically speaking, I did not use the instruments. Not because I was hindered to do so, but because I had moved into a new part of my life where these instruments did not have the same role to fulfill. I could see that I was satisfied and fulfilled in terms of having explored and pushed myself to develop a relationship with the instruments and that I was ready to let them go. Thus, the fear did not have anything to do with my practical reality – it was all about myself – and how I was actually afraid of moving on and embracing the new expression of myself that have started to come through within me and my life – where my relationship with music and instruments has begun to change.

Because music and the expressions that I could access and live with my instruments, they are still part of my life, however the structure of my life today is different. Now, I express myself with music by singing songs that I really enjoy out loud, together with a stereo blasting the track at the same time – and the creative part of music – which I before expressed through writing and composing songs – that has become part of my job – where I spend a lot of time writing – and my carpentry hobby – where I must use my imagination and problem solving skills to create and find solutions.

Thus – with giving away some of my instruments – I am not giving away the expressions that I have developed and lived in making music – because those expressions are a part of ME – as such I see that it is important to not get lost in the structure and picture of this world – and relate what I experience and live to the images – because it is not about what it looks like – it is about WHO I AM – and HOW I EXPRESS myself within what I do.

I have found that it is easy to forget this, because the images seems to be so important, however looking back out my life, what has always been a constant is that the images change. My world will move, transform, become different, but I remain, which also exemplifies why it is so important to place attention and focus on developing OURSELVES – and not lose ourselves in the evanescent creations/allures of money and consumerism that so easily grip our attention and that we convince ourselves is the most significant point within our lives.


Learn more about this way of living:

organized

Day 334: Let Me Get Organized!

The problem

There is a reason that this blog is called a dreamers journey to life. The reason being, that I am a dreamer. As a dreamer, the way I approach tasks, schedule my week, handle my work responsibilities, is many times quite chaotic. This is not because I am a irresponsible person, or because I do not care about making the best of my days, it is because I tend to be more in a state of what I next, and also because, I at the same time get very caught up in THIS MOMENT, where I start to analyze, consider, and look at what is here, to such an extent that I loose track of time. Ergo, this set of conditions have lead to the following consequences: I forget things, I handle things in a rush because there is no adequate plan and not enough time time.

I discussed this tendency of mine with a friend, and within that I could see that a appropriate word for me to practice living is ORGANIZE. Hence, in the following blog, I will redefine, and look at how I can practically live this word in my day to day living.

Redefining the Word Organize

How I have lived the word thus far in my life

My lack of organizational skills became apparent to me when I started high school. With more subjects, classes, and exams, it got increasingly difficult to have everything in my head. And then, on-top of school, I had hobbies, and leisurely interests, which I also had to keep track of. Needless to say, this resulted in me forgetting things, and because I was not used to utilizing a calendar, or a almanac – and because I did not at that point in my life regard the consequences as sufficiently severe – I simply allowed this problem to fester. I enjoyed to see myself as a free spirit, easy going, boundless, creative and imaginative, and obviously NOT tied down to boring, time-based conditions.

However, as I began university, I started to apply myself more when it came to organization. I developed time management skills, learned how to plan my studies, and make sure that I had sufficient with time to handle my responsibilities, and got quite good at it. However, only to a certain extent. I was still quite chaotic in how I approached things, and in my private sphere, where I was not forced organize in the same way, I simply did not do it.

One could thus say, that the reason I have not applied and become effective with the word organize, is because I have not practiced it enough and deliberately made it a part of my life.

Current definition

Dictionary definition

  1. arrange systematically; order: organize lessons in a planned way.
    • coordinate the activities of (a person or group) efficiently: she was unsuited to anything where she had to organize herself.
    • form (a number of people) into a trade union or other political group: we all believed in the need to organize women.
  2. make arrangements or preparations for (an event or activity): social programmes are organized by the school.
    • take responsibility for providing or arranging: Julie organized food and drink for the band.
  3. archaic arrange or form into a living being or tissue.

Etymology

Organize
early 15c., “construct, establish,” from Middle French organiser and directly from Medieval Latin organizare, from Latin organum “instrument, organ” (see organ). Related: Organized; organizing.

Organized
1590s, “furnished with organs,” past participle adjective from organize (v.). Meaning “forming a whole of interdependent parts” is from 1817. Organized crime attested from 1929.

Sounding the word

Organ-eyes

Or-gone-eyes

Organ-I-See

Or-gain-I-See

Creative Writing

An organ, which is a independent part or function within a greater whole, is part of the word organize. Further, in organize we find the words I-See, thus forming the sentence, Organ I See – and this to me goes to show that organize is about seeing various parts, how they work together, and how to direct them, in a holistic way. Thus living the word organize, is about having an overview, seeing all the various organs that form my day in my life, and each day, as a organ that form part of my life. I have the organ of waking up, the organ of eating breakfast, preparing myself for work, using my car, all of these aspects are important to take into consideration when I create my day – and if I loose perspective – and only place focus on ONE organ – such as for example one particular task that I have to get done at work – then my day will not function effectively as I will not pay adequate attention to the other organs of my life.

An important part of living the word organized is thus to remain grounded, to breath, and to not loose myself only ONE moment, but to keep an overview of where I am going next, while at the same time, placing the necessary attention on the ORGAN/MOMENT that I am participating i HERE.

Redefinition

Seeing, directing and structuring independent parts to create an efficient whole

Practical living application

How am I able to live this word practically in my day to day living?

  • At the beginning of my day, look at what must be done that particular day, walk through it in my mind, see the various individual parts, and structure them into a efficient whole
  • At the end of each week, sit down with myself and look at what must be done the coming week, and use my calendar, or almanac to see and take notice of each individual part that make up my coming week, and structure them into a efficient whole
  • When I approach a task, look at what parts the task contain, and how I am able to systematize and structure these parts to form an efficient whole
  • To ask throughout my day, stop for moments, and look ahead, to see whether there is parts in my day that I must take into consideration and act upon – and to see how I can structure them into the flow of my day
  • To use routine, and systems to make daily living easier, for example, through always putting my keys in the same place as I get home, through noting down things (parts of my day) that I suspect I will forget otherwise
  • To consistently, and persistently use to-do lists, and my almanac to structure my life, and make sure that I get to the things which I need to get to
  • To not trust that I will remember things, and instead note it down.

Learn more about this way of living:

soul

Day 304: Scripting Care

When we enter into a relationships, most of us foolishly believes that our partner understands us and that we put the same meaning and value into the words we speak and behaviors we embody. This is however not the case. Even if we are similar to our partner, we must consider that we have grown up in different families, been exposed to different life circumstances, participated in different thoughts, and built our inner coping mechanisms in a variety of different ways. As such, when we look at the details of two individuals, regardless of how much in love they might feel, they are very different.

This is in itself not a problem, unless we assume that our words mean the same as our partners words, and we furthermore take for granted that no work or effort must be invested into establishing an equality and mutual understanding when it comes to words and their meanings. Recently I have faced some conflicts in my agreement due to how I have had one definition/application/understanding of the word CARE and how my partner had another. The fascinating thing about this conflict is that we simply could not understand one another. While I acted/lived in one way, and thought of this as normal, my partner would interpret and see this behavior a completely different way – and the reason? We had not created an equal understanding/application/definition of the word care.

Now, in looking at the word care I realized a peculiar thing. I have not ever had care expressed/lived in my world the way in which my partner has. For me, the word CARE did not imply, for example, hugging, being concerned, being affectionate with physical touching, and I interestingly enough had NO reference at all to this word and HOW to live it in the physical – I felt like a blank slate. And this is important to realize with physical living – we are only that which we have programmed/designed ourselves to be. If we have not consciously made an effort to develop ourselves as a certain word, and we have not been exposed to that word during our developmental years, we will most likely NOT be able to live/understand/express that word effectively in thought, word and deed. This is why parents hold such an important responsibility to effectively develop and expand themselves in their application and living of words, as they will transfer these skills/abilities to their children. And this does not happen consciously – it happens on a quantum level – immediately – as children are like sponges – sucking up all the information in their environment and then form their own personality designs using this information.

As such, because I had not been exposed to the word care, because my parents had not effectively developed the expression of CARE to its full potential, I could not understand what my partner was telling me, when she asked me to become more caring. Words are powerful tools, and when developed, expanded and refined, they are the building blocks of a successful human being – and this goes with all areas of life. From relationships to career – it is all a matter of the words we live and understand.

Because I was a blank slate with regards to the word CARE – I have now pushed myself to redefine, live and expand my application in relation to this word. And here, the process of creation is similar to that of acting. In order to change my living behavior, I require a SCRIPT – and this SCRIPT must be designed to be initiated through certain CUES – thus giving myself CLUES as to WHEN it is effective and supportive to apply/live/express myself as the word care. For example, when I can see that my partner is stressed/anxious/worried – this is a CUE to instigate the SCRIPT of CARE – where I for example – decide to sit down and communicate with my partner to hear her out – or where I go and hug my partner to offer my physical presence as a point of stability. Hence, to create myself as a new word, I require to DEFINE for myself what that word is, how it is applied, and lived IN THE PHYSICAL – this becomes my SCRIPT – that I then put into creation when and as I see that it will lead to a supportive outcome that is best for all. And this is the fascinating, and empowering process of self-creation using words. And when partners do this together, the relationship will flourish, expand and become fulfilling.

For anyone wanting to create their lives and themselves to be the best I suggest investigating the process of redefining words – it is a essential life skill to learn in order to build sustainable, effective, and stable life structures. Check out the School of Ultimate Living for courses on redefining words.

Some suggested reads:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-116-re-defining-words-to-living.html

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-5-in-beginning-was-god.html

Day 243: Changes

From living in the city, to living on a farm – that has been a primary point of transition that I have been walking through during the recent weeks. It has been interesting seeing how this change has influenced me, and how the experience that has been following this change is that of feeling uprooted, and feeling as if everything has been thrown into the air, a lot of parts, flying around, and not really seeing where or when they are going to land.

My own assessment of the point, and why this experience has come up within me, is due to how my routine is not anymore here. Before, I had a very strict and easy routine that I followed – and at that – I was studying and knew how many books I had to read till what date, and what places to go to, and what people to meet. My reality was settled, everything was in its place and I was to a certain degree comfortable. Now with the move, that comfort is gone, because now there is no more routine, my studies are finished, I am moving a couple of projects at the same time, and there is experience of rushing to get to something, though I don’t particularly know what that something I should get to is.

So, the purpose with this blog is basically to describe for myself what it is that I have been going through, and also to assist and support others that might be facing a similar event in their lives = CHANGE. What should be understood about change is that it isn’t a bad thing; neither is having your routines being uprooted, because these points do come with opportunities for self-expansion.

In my case, I can see that the challenge before me, and what I require to do in order to get back my grounding, is to structure and schedule my day more specifically, and decide for myself when I am going to do certain things, and when I am going to do other things. So far, I have taken it very much day by day, this approach is cool in some contexts, though when there is a lot of projects to get to, many responsibilities to oversee, many points to move – then it’s supportive with a structure – a game plan.

Though, a game plan isn’t enough, on top of having a game plan I see that it’s important for me to practice slowing down, and practice letting go of control, such as the desire to get to ‘everything’ and move ‘all points’ – and within this understand, that I can only do SO MUCH in a day, I can only get to THAT many points in a week – and taking on too much will lead to an experience of stress, and feeling of being stretched to thinly, because that is literally what is happening.

Thus – to support myself to stabilize I am going to apply self-forgiveness on the various reactions of stress, and anxiety that I have towards loosing my routine, and also support myself to establish a new routine, a schedule, and a game plan that I am following – so that I know were I am going, when I am going, and how I am going there.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when my routine disappears, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious, and worried that I can’t anymore with the same ease as before, evaluate, and expect when, and how things are going to develop, and how my life is going to proceed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations upon myself as to how much I am to get to, and what I should be able to move during my day, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when and as I perceive that I am not moving points as fast, and as effectively as I foresaw, and imagined myself doing, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear, when points doesn’t moving according expectations, instead of supporting myself, and assisting myself to stabilize, and see how I am able to restructure my reality, and my physical environment to become more effective, and aligned with what I wish to create, and how I can align myself more effectively to the physical reality, so that I am not in a state of conflict with what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the point of investing a lot of time in my home, and my living quarters, in feeling that this is stealing time from me, it’s thieving on my valuable resource of time that I must protect dearly in order to be able to create for myself my goals, and imaginations, of what I am to do in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when I invest time in my living quarters, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not necessarily something bad, because at certain times you must tend to your living space, else it will deteriorate, and that would be a point of neglect, thus it’s common sense to dedicate some of your time to your home, and the place which you spend your time, so that all points are effectively cared for and works optimally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when things change in my environment, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being, and becoming weak, due to having these experiences, thinking that it’s signifying that I am becoming old, and unable to cope with reality as effectively as when I was younger, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle with myself in facing these experiences, in realizing that I don’t have to be hard on myself, and believe that I am in anyway less than others, due to these points arising within me – and instead I am able to immediately, as the experiences come up within me, look for corrections, to stabilize and ground myself and bring myself back here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling destabilized when and as I change my physical environment, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change WHO I AM, when my surroundings change, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the key to walking within and as stability in this world, is the point of being in this world, but not of this world – to stand within me in stability and thus instead of getting into a conflict with the change that occurs around me – move with the change – move with the new environment – move with what is here around me – and realize that it’s nothing bad, dangerous, or threatening – it’s simply a point of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I look at what is here currently in my life, and then compare it to my goals, and what I wish to create in this life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that regardless of what physical environment I create in this life, one thing will always remain the same, ME and MY relationship with and as myself, that will and won’t ever change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these mental projections into the future of seeing a different me out there, they aren’t real, and thus the only place to begin something is HERE – the only place to live – is HERE – the only place to walk process and birth myself from the physical – is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life is HERE, that creation is HERE, that there is no such thing as a future within which I will feel differently due to the things that surround me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that creating life is a process that is walked in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace creating myself, and my life in every moment of breath, and seeing, realizing and understanding that process and the birthing of life will never happen out there in a projection – it’s something that is walked and created on a breath per breath basis – and thus I commit myself to practice and align myself with HERE, with directing, moving and sorting points out immediately HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into a stress, and anxiety, due to me feeling that my world isn’t effectively structured, and that I have no real grounding, and that I don’t know where I am going, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not a solution to remain in these experiences, because fear, and anxiety doesn’t assist and support me to in anyway move forward, and thus I commit myself to in that moment take breath, stop myself, and then for a moment, look at my day within me, what I have to do, and then make some basic decisions as to how to structure my day, and also within this remember, that I might not get to everything – and that this is cool – it’s okay – and nothing to judge myself for

I commit myself to become the directive principle of my own day, through learning to effectively structure, prioritize, and build the contents of my day, and within this ground myself, and remain here, realizing that it’s only me that can give myself an oversight, and a structured routine, I have to build and establish this for myself, and it won’t come by itself

When and as I go into stress, and anxiety, because I feel that I haven’t gotten to something, that I expected of myself that I would, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this experience is an illusion, and that it’s not me that there is a problem, rather I have not assessed my time properly, or taken on too much in my life, and thus I require align my requirements of what I am to do with the actual time available to me, and practice being more disciplined in saying NO – to not take on things without really considering whether it’s practical and viable for me to walk them – and thus live the phrase – Quality before Quantity

Day 34: Working With What Is Real

In the last blog – which you can read HERE – I took a part nervousness from the perspective of seeing what positive experiences I’ve connected to me for example standing in front of my class holding a presentation, or writing my exams – and the reason for this is to remove my idea(L) that I have of myself – as to who I believe/want to be – and instead get down to the nitty gritty of working with how I in-fact experience myself when it is that I stand before many people, or I do my exams.

Thus – today I am going to work my actual physical experience when I do exams, or hold a presentation – and I will also simultaneously walk the point of stopping conflict within me – in seeing that I don’t have to fight the real experience of me because it apparently doesn’t coincide with my idea-experience of myself as how I think I should experience myself – I mean – there is no need to fight what I already exist and live as – instead it’s to understand, and get to know the real me – and then place myself in a position wherein I am able to actually and for real correct myself.

NervousnessBlogSo – how do I really experience myself in these situations? Well – I become physically tense, and go into nervousness – which results in me not being able to effectively deal with the situation. One of the reasons for this is because I don’t know who to be – I don’t know how to look – I don’t know how to present myself – I have no real foundation so to speak. This is though something I’ve already worked with when I’ve prepared myself for my exams – I’ve actually structured a systematic structure as a way which I am to answer questions – and I this was effective to keep me more stable in the moment of writing my exams. For example – in my structure I stated that I must read slowly, and be focused on the words that are written on the question I am given – I must not jump, and stress through the initial stage of reading the question because then I will miss important information; and as I applied this on my exams – I was actually much more stable.

So – establishing a foundation – a MEness – that is important because that is something I currently lack – and I see that this will be done through writing out a structured way as to how to walk the point, who I am within in, and what specifically I am going to do – and then walking this physically.

A second prominent point that comes up is fear of the unknown – because I can’t really prepare myself completely when I am facing an event such as an exam, or a presentation – because there is always that small point of a uncertainty – a probability that something might go wrong, and that I then as this happen – won’t be prepared to deal with the consequences effectively.

Thus – another important point to establish is self-trust – because I see that in standing as self-trust – I will not fear the unknown as I will trust myself to direct myself through the point of the unknown and deal with any situation that might emerge.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, and distrust myself in the face of the unknown – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to read a situation – and understand how a situation might respond to me – and what I must say, or do for the situation to respond to me in a way that I experience as being positive – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t trust myself – and that when I trust myself something will go wrong, and I won’t be able to correct the mistakes that flows from this wrongness

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having information as to what will happen if I say, or do a certain thing – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being blind so to speak, in not being able to calculate the consequences of my actions – and how others will see, and experience me – when it is that I act and live in particular ways – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and perceive that I require information, knowledge, and being able to calculate future consequences in order to be “safe” and trust myself

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trusting myself is something that happens to me when I am able to know what is going to happen in the future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone me trusting myself, and prevent me from trusting myself in thinking and believing that I must have something more – I must get something more – I must achieve something more – and I must wait before someone give me a permission that I am able to trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH – be HERE – and to get myself moving within and as oneness and equality as my human physical body – and stop waiting for someone, or something else to save me before I trust myself here

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I am not yet mature enough to trust myself – and that trusting myself is something that comes, and happens with age – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my fear, and my anxiety – and my worry, and my nervousness – and to see, realize, and understand that self-trust does not develop through waiting – but through me deciding, and willing myself to develop self-trust – through actually living and walking in such a way that I am able to trust that who I am is what is best for all – and that I will not compromise myself and fall prey to experiences, and illusions of and as the mind

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need, and require someone else to tell me that I am ready to trust myself – and that I am ready to go – so to speak – instead of accepting and allowing myself to say to myself that – hey! I am ready when I decide to be ready! And as such – I am able to decide here that I trust myself – and to stop fearing the unknown – to stop fearing trusting myself – and simply do it – and as such apply the statement of “just do it!” – because really that is what it all comes down to – to actually make the decision and walk the decision – and in-fact do it!

Self-commitment statements

1. When and as I feel, and experience that I can’t trust myself – because something will go wrong when I trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – the fact is that what I experience is – a experience! Thus – a experience indicates that what is coming up within me is coming from the mind – automatically activated without my direct movement, and decision – and thus it’s not trustworthy; as such I commit myself to not trust the experience of myself that I can’t trust myself because something will go wrong – and I commit myself to act – and decide to trust myself here in this moment

2. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear trusting myself – because I think that I can’t trust myself if I am not able to know the consequences of my actions beforehand – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I can decide to trust myself regardless of the situation that I am in – or the point that I am facing – simply because it’s about SELF-trust – and not about OTHER-trust – and thus I commit myself to decide to trust myself – and see that it’s only me that can decide and walk this point for myself here

3. When and as I see, and notice that I think, and experience that I must wait with trusting myself – because I must have something more, achieve something more, and get someone to allow me to trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s about me taking a decision and trusting myself – thus I can’t wait for my environment to change me – I must stand as the catalyst – I must stand as the start – and I must take the first step and not allow myself to wait anymore; as such I commit myself to practice trusting myself as a self-decision in the moment – that I walk regardless of what it is that I am facing here in this moment

4. When it is that I see I go into and as a belief that I can’t trust myself because I am not yet mature enough, and that I can’t direct myself to trust myself because this is something that happens with time, and as I grow older – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – to believe that I will be able to trust myself more with time is simply an illusion – because look at most old people –they’ve also no self-trust and they’ve walked an entire lifetime in this world; as such I commit myself to stop using this excuse – to bring myself back here – and to see that I have to decide to trust myself – I have to stop waiting – and I have to actually do it because no one will do it for me

5. When and as I see that I am waiting to trust myself, because I feel that I have to have someone that tells me that – “okay, now you can trust yourself!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of deciding to trust myself is something that I must give to myself, and nobody will say to me ever that “now I can trust myself” and even if they do – the decision is still MINE because there is only ME inside of ME – thus only ME that can decide who I am – and what I will live, and stand as; as such I commit myself to make the decision to trust myself HERE and without waiting and postponing

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Day 21: Test-anxiety – Are Schools For Learning? (Part 11)

This is the eleventh blog in my series about test-anxiety – and I in my previous blogs I’ve handled my internal reactions towards my exams – which have been primarily anxiety, nervousness, and fear. Now I am going to go into the external – which is the university in itself – and the question I am asking myself is – to what extent is the university as it is set up responsible for my experience of anxiety?

Obviously – within this – it’s to understand that I am 100 % responsible for my experience within me – though – this doesn’t pardon the university for having certain characteristics that makes it more likely that a being will by their own doing create a test-anxiety character and live it out as themselves – just as I’ve done.

Book_and_GlassesSo – first – let’s consider the basic structure of the university – and where you’re at as a pupil – as a pupil you’re at the “bottom” so to speak. You come into the university world and in order to be allowed to remain there you must perform according to the wishes of the teachers, and professors – the teachers and professors being at the top. As such – the university is a pyramid-system – and it have a hierarchical design wherein only those that have gained a particular status within the world of the university have the capability to change the rules, and decide what is good, what is allowed, and what isn’t.

Obviously – this in itself creates a atmosphere wherein the students – as the low-cast in the university – experience themselves as less than the teachers – because they don’t have the same privileges as the teachers, and aren’t respected the same as teachers – as such students will within this believe that they must perform and show the teachers, and professors that they are good enough – that they are able to learn what they are told to learn – in order to feel that they belong, and that they are welcomed by the university.

This is obviously a problem – as this particular design takes focus away from education – which is what the university should be about – the epicenter of human-growth, and development – and instead places focus unto competition, and trying to perform, and become accepted by another – all done within and as fear, and inferiority.

In a education-system where real growth, and participation are nourished – no hierarchy can be allowed – as hierarchy is a assumption, and a faulty belief – that only because you’re older – you’re more educated – but this is a mistaken definition as to what education means – because looking at the real definition of education it’s easy to see that it’s not about who has the most knowledge – but instead who’s able to with the most effectiveness move themselves in this reality, by and with the principles, and laws that govern this reality – and within this have a positive outcome – and this ability isn’t necessarily something that comes with age, or advancing in the labor system; as such – for real education to take place everyone in the university world should be allowed to contribute their particular abilities, skills, and knowledge – on a equal basis – and one’s contribution shouldn’t be defined, and reviewed by one’s title – but instead upon what it is one is contributing – and how effective, and aligned with and as the physical reality – this particular contribution is.

Because our current university system isn’t formed, and shaped like this – most students tend to become lifeless robots – and force themselves to think like the professors, and think like the teachers – and within this loose that spark of life within them that they had when they first entered the university – and this is because in the university you must comply to what you’re professors think, and believe – in order to pass and get through.

It could be question if there should even be such a point as a professor in the university – as the position of the professor implies that someone is apparently more than another – thus within this creating separation, creating conflict, and competition – wherein those that are less (students) try to become, out master, and become accepted by those that are more (the professors).

Thus within this I am able to see that they very nature of an exam – as a test that apparently measures one’s particular skills, and abilities – isn’t the way to go in terms of creating a university where students – no-one – experience anxiety. Instead – each and every student should be assisted and supported to reach their utmost potential in their particular skill, or ability that they’ve decided to focus upon – and it should be the teachers of the universities responsibility that no one fail – and that no one ends up as only being average – and as such – when every student is perfect in every way – there is no more need for a test, or a exam to measure the students capability – because the capability of the student has already been proved in the excellence that the student exhibits in participation within the classes at the university.

Currently it functions as such – that the student is responsible for their own achievement, and mastering of a particular skill – and then in a way – the student is punished through being given a bad grade if that particular student haven’t sufficiently and to the satisfaction of the teacher – mastered that particular skill or ability. Though – it’s strange that we as a society place the responsibility on the students – and punish the students for not being effective in their studies – instead of realizing that the effectiveness of the student will directly reflect in the effectiveness of society as a whole – as the student after his education will become an active participant of society – and contribute his, or hers skill, or ability in daily-living participation.

Within this it’s clear as day that the responsibility of giving our students an effective education must rest upon the school – society – as the state – because in giving students the ability to freely choose whether they are to fail, or not – where in-fact saying that we are giving up the future of our society to faith, or hope – hoping that students will become the best that they can possibly be – instead of actively creating our students – through dedicated assistance and support – to become motivated, and able to perfect themselves in every way within the particular skill, or ability that they’ve chosen to pursue.

In order to create the university to have this effect on students – it’s obvious that MORE TEACHERS are required – currently there are only a few teachers on several hundred students – which is not nearly enough to make sure that every student get the best possible foundation to be an effective participant in the work-force – which is the living, and creative force of society.

Within this it’s also clear that the teachers, and professors – must be educated in terms of what their responsibility is towards society – within understanding that they are not more than the students – and that the students effectiveness in school are a direct reflection of the teachers effectiveness in their responsibility of being a motivation, and guide in assisting, and supporting the student to become effective within their particular skill.

To summarize – one could define, and clarify the dysfunction of our current university – and how it creates anxiety in students – as being due to the system not taking into consideration, and understanding it’s responsibility towards each individual student upon a equal and one basis – instead the university stands as this gateway that only let’s some through – and then don’t give a fuck about those that happen to not be of the right height, and color (intellect) to pass through the gate – instead of having the university be as a helping hand – that push each student – and support each student – patiently, and with care – to get through that gate – as developing themselves to be perfect, and the best they can possibly be on the particular skill that they’ve decided to take on and cultivate within and as their lifetime here on earth.

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