Tag Archives: studies

Day 398: Eqafe – Probably the Best Self-Help Library That There Is

I have been a user of Eqafe since its inception and seen the self-help library grow, from a couple of interviews, to an impressive selection of several thousands of interviews covering a myriad of topics. And this is somewhat a hallmark of Eqafe – consistent and continuous growth. And even though the interviews are at this point ranging in their thousands, there has never been an interview that I have listened to, where I have felt as if it was becoming repetitive. There is such a variety, such a creativity, freedom and depth in the recordings – it is truly remarkable.

When I have faced difficulties, or questions has arisen, the Eqafe library has been my go-to resource. It has seldom failed to bring a new understanding or insight to what I have been walking through. Whether I have been looking into issues with regards to relationships and sex, or in relation to my career – the search function on the Eqafe site has supplied me with answers. And what truly makes Eqafe fascinating is that you do not get the normal lovey-dovey, fluffy, positive, new age advice. You get the hard facts. That might not necessarily be very nice – or what you want to hear. Though fact is that we are not the pleasant, sane, and cordial people we want ourselves and everyone else to believe. The truth is that we are all in some way fucked up. However – the truth is as well that we can change ourselves – and Eqafe supplies the PRACTICAL tools to make that transformation a reality. Here I want to emphasize PRACTICAL. You will not need to listen to advice that makes no sense – like for example – that you should ‘love yourself with all of your love-energy and then send that out into the world with a thought’. No, no – you will get a practical suggestion on how to deal with a point – a step-by-step method. I would say that this is what separates Eqafe from the other self-help gurus you are able to find on the web. In Eqafe – things are kept real, grounded,  accessible and applicable.

Eqafe has impacted many aspects of my life, though one of the most memorable is with regards to my studies and my career. Early on in my university studies I had difficulties creating relationships and get a hang of the social games that were being played. It frustrated me – and I noticed that I was usually paying more attention to these games – than to the studies at hand. Then I found a interview on Eqafe – where this behavioral pattern was addressed. It was explained that  relationships in school are not as valuable as we want to think. Most of them end after school. Very few remain – and still – we put SO MUCH energy into creating and maintaining them. And in-fact – the reason why so many of us dislike school is because we get so immersed in the social role-playing that we forget all about who we are, where we are and where it is that we are going. We forget that it is in school, with our grades, and our in-depth learning, that we are shaping our future. It is that productive time that is going to stick with us and help us get ahead. Not how many parties we went to or what friends we managed to acquire.

After I had listened to the recording I made some practical adjustments to the way I approached my studies and the social circles. I decided to put my focus and attention unto the courses at hand – that became my main priority. I decided to align with people that were as intently focused on their studies and on their future as I were. Thus I picked my friends because of our interest in the subjects, drive in school and our future. My relationship to friends and acquaintances changed to become a positive side-effect to my determination with my studies and something that enhanced my participation in school and it was not a goal in itself. And that made a huge difference to me – and it allowed me to move through my university studies, acquire effective marks and a deep as well as lasting understanding of the course materials. I sometimes surprise myself by having a detailed knowledge and understanding of a topic even though it has been several years since I finished school and studied the subject.

I can honestly say that without Eqafe – I would not be where I am today. It is the greatest self-help library on earth – and I would dearly recommend everyone to subscribe. You will not regret it – and you will have several years of investigation and studies ahead of you because the material is vast. It has been one of the best investment I have ever made and that will definitely be the case for you as well – because the investments we make in ourselves both in our formal and informal education – that is what is going to stand the test of time and last for life.


Day 214: Stress and Success

I’ve now for about a week been working with a stress-experience in relation to studies and work, due to this experience becoming too much – and I saw that I required acting and doing something about it.

Thus I listened to the Atlanteans interviews that covers this point of stress – great interviews for anyone facing a similar point. In this they share how to sound the self-forgiveness in order to break through and penetrate the stress energy – it’s a specific sound – though to get the details you’ll have to invest in the interview yourself.

Anyway, I’ve been playing and working with this sound – that briefly can be described as a decisive sound – and I’ve noticed how it’s a very effective tool to use for me to stabilize and enable myself to move through the stress reaction as it arise within. I’ve also seen that the stress-reaction doesn’t have anything to do with my environment, my job, or my studies in themselves – rather this reaction is merely a automated coping mechanism – it doesn’t serve any purpose at all in terms of actually getting things done, caring for my survival and creating my future.

Thus – it’s fascinating to see how I’ve relied on stress to drive me forward in life, and to be my motivation – and actually trusting stress to be a effective motivation for me to move – though stress is not needed to get things done. No – the only thing that is needed, is me making the decision, then walking the point – and when being free from stress and fear – this makes me much more capable of focusing and concentrating on the task at hand – and producing a quality result – instead of stressing through the point only to get it done – and in that doing it halfway.

When I don’t stress – but rather move through the point in breath – naturally and comfortably with my body – then time actually slows down and even though I move slower – I do get more things done. Obviously this goes to show the capacity of self-expression that opens up when we stop our mind – because then we’re able to bring our full awareness into reality and actually be HERE with what we are creating. That point of being HERE with the physical in the process of creation is what allows for real effectiveness to step forth – and this is something that can only happen without stress, without tension, without worry, and without fear – because it’s a natural state of being – it’s the physical body expressing itself at it’s fullest potential without any mind interference.

The quintessence of this blog and my realization is thus that – the less I stress – the more success I’ll have in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as future projections of what I have to do – and in my mind play out the various tasks that I have before me – or that I think I should do – in I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate such tasks and points with stress and go into stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed when and as I have things – tasks before me that I require to handle – direct and walk through – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am saving time through going into stress – and that through stressing and moving myself in this stress I will be able to get more things done – and I will do the things that I require attention and thus secure my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate taking care of my survival within this world with stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed when and as I involved with my studies, or my work – or any other point in relation to creating a future for myself in this world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and motivate myself with stress – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t in-fact need stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don’t need or require stress to create myself, my future and my life in this world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that without stress I’d have no willpower and no momentum to create myself – and that I would just slack and slouch – and loose my movement and direction – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate movement and direction with and as stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy my parents – and the way they moved and directed themselves in their lives – where they moved themselves with stress – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the point of moving myself with stress – of believing that the only way to get things done fast – effectively – and specifically is through utilizing stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself too when I plan my day – and look at the tasks I’ve before me – and that I require to complete and move myself through – to go into stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate planning my day – structuring and sectionalizing my day with stress – and believe that to be effective and specific with time I require to be stressed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can move and direct myself through my life – create myself and my future – plan my day and my time – utilize my moments throughout the day effectively without giving into stress – without using stress as a fuel for me to move forward in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to stand as momentum and drive to create myself and my future – to create my life – and see, realize and understand that the only thing I need is making a decision – deciding what I am going to do and then doing it

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into stress as I am about to start my day, or begin with my studies, or go to work, or plan my day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how it’s in no way needed for me to stress in order to effectively walk my day – structure my responsibilities – and define what I require to do and then plan my day accordingly – all I need and require to do that is myself – and making a decision about what I am going to do – and then walking that decision; thus I commit myself to change stress – into seeing what there is I require to do – then making a decision to walk the point and do it without any experience of stress – rather simply doing it

When and as I see that I am going into stress, because I think that there are many points ahead of me that I require to direct, and walk through, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that there is no need or requirement for me to stress in order to get done what I require to get done – and thus a more common sense direction would be to prioritize what I must do – then plan my time so that I can practically walk through and direct the points – and make sure that I have enough time to walk the points with quality – and thus I commit myself to practically look at the time at my disposal – and prioritize my tasks – and then walk them one by one in breath – and not stress about what I’ve not done – but rather be here and do what it is that I am doing here – thus placing my focus and attention on what I am creating and shaping here as my life

Day 201: Studies and Self-Worth

The season of exams usually comes with stress and anxiety for me – though this time around I’ve been willing myself to consistently utilize the tool of self-forgiveness and breathing to bring myself out of this worrisome state of mind.

In going deeper into these reactions I’ve realized one fascinating thing – that often the reason that I am anxious and worried is because I want to receive a good mark, and excel in the course – though – and here is the interesting part – it’s not actually for ME. I’ve found that the reason I want to excel, the reason I want to get great marks is because I want OTHERS to like me, to be impressed by me, to find some worth and value in me – and so this shows an interesting separation in my starting point in regards to studies – that there exist a point of wanting to prove myself to others, and build my self-value and worth through the reactions, and experiences others have towards me.

I’ve seen that there are some primary persons that I desire to impress, and included in that number is my parents, and my family – even though I am soon in my thirties this point exist within me – that I want to show how good I am to my parents and through that gain a feeling of value and worth. Otherwise there is no actual person I want to impress, rather it’s me wanting to be impressive in general, and to be that I require to be in some favorable and highly regarded position in the system – where I will be seen as a winner, gain the respect and admiration from others, and apparently within that be valuable.

Thus – the point I want to reach is to get back to myself – and do my studies for ME – set high standards and far reaching goals for MYSELF – and not to impress another – and in this be unconditional with myself – and if I happen to fail in reaching my goals or living up to my standards – to then assist and support myself to enhance myself – and not judge myself, or go into worry, fear, and anxiety – rather push myself, will myself, and drive myself – yet without a energy driving me forward.

So, I see that when I study for my exams, and when I do my exams, I can transform this desire to be approved, to instead utilizing these situations as challenges, where I push myself to remain stable in the face of adversities and challenges – and where I push myself to reach my goals, and apply myself to the best of my ability – and not accept and allow anything less of myself than what I know am capable of – and where I take into account that my studiousness will pay off in that it will be a stepping stone into my future – thus I take the point back to myself – and make studying something I do for myself – make exams something that I do for me – make schooling and education something that I do for me – something that I walk and that I can utilize to challenge myself, grow and expand.

Thus – instead of anxiety and stress – rather look with excitement and thrill towards placing myself in a situation where I will be challenged mentally and physically – because there I know that I can push myself, will myself, and expand myself beyond what I thought myself capable of doing – as such I walk into the system realizing that it’s an adventure that will challenge me in a multitude of ways – and that even though it might be physically arduous and tough – I can still enjoy and utilize the process as nourishment in my self-growth – because I decide to do that.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change and transform the challenge of walking in the system, the difficulties, that hardships, into points that I use to grow, to expand and to develop myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make schooling, exams, and university studies an expression of myself – something that I do for myself – something that I will myself to excel within and create the best possible outcome within – as a personal challenge for me to expand myself – as well as realizing that it’s through this process that I am setting the bedrock for my future in the world money system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the challenge, the difficulty, and the arduous process of creating a life for myself in this world, and this system – and see, realize and understand that even though it can be physically and demanding – that I don’t require to burden myself emotionally – but that I can walk through it and remain within and as the stability my human physical body provides – and utilize my life as a platform upon which I create the character of life I see have the potential to live – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my exam that I am going to have tomorrow – to embrace all possible outcomes – to embrace all possible outflows – and to stabilize myself within and as my human physical body and remain stable throughout the event

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to excel in my studies, and get the best mark, get recognized and highly valued by my teachers, and my parents, thinking that this is how I generate value for myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally value myself – to not unconditionally give myself the piece of mind to know that regardless of the outcome of the test and my exams – I will stand by myself in stability within and as my human physical body – and not accept and allow myself to be influenced on a feeling or emotional level

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous and anxious as to not producing the best mark tomorrow at my exam – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and define my self-value and self-worth according to the mark I receive – and according to the reactions I receive from family members and other close relatives as to my grades – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus not accept myself unconditionally – and embrace the test and all outcomes and realize that regardless of what mark I receive I will still love myself – and accept myself – and not accept and allow myself to limit my relationship with myself upon the basis of how I am graded and categorized in the system of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous and anxious that I won’t produce the best mark – that I will receive questions that are too difficult and tough to get through – and that I am because of that going to fail with my exam – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a hope and desire within me – that I am going to succeed with my exams – that I am going to succeed with my education – that I am going to be able to get a fantastic and desirable job when I am done with my degree – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto that positive self-image in my mind – and have that as a desire that burns within me and drives me forward – not realizing that this creates an equal amount of fear and anxiety that serves to stagnate me and make me mentally ineffective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value through the self-definition that ‘I am intelligent’ and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the only real value and skill that I have is that I can study effectively, memorize information, and then repeat it before teachers and get good grades in school – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my relationship with myself in thinking that all of my stability and my value rests upon my enabling myself to achieve in school – not seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not all of me – that this doesn’t signify the entirety of my relationship with myself – and thus I commit myself to accept and value myself regardless of how I am evaluated and defined through marks and grades in school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value and accept myself regardless of marks and grades in school – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that marks and grades in school is my only asset – the only thing that I have to compete with in this harsh and brutal world – and that thus I must at all stages always impress upon others – and make sure that I get the best grades – the best marks – and that I prove my excellence and capabilities to others – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and give myself the present of valuing and accepting myself unconditionally – not accepting and allowing any roadblocks within me to stand in the way of me living me life in a constant state of stability – where I don’t fluctuate or move regardless of the situation I am facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for acceptance and stability – and expect these expressions to come through when and if I am able to effectively place myself in the world system – and create a life for myself that is stable with regards to money – and where I have a prestigious and highly regarded job – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my own salvation – to wait for my own life to happen – instead of me giving myself permission and allowance to live that here – to not anymore wait for something to manifest in my future – but instead give this point to myself here – that I am stability – that I am sound and grounded – and regardless of the outcome of my test and my exam – I will stand here grounded and stable with myself and not accept and allow myself to waver

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into the worrisome-character, as thinking about whether or whether not I am going to get the best mark in the test and exam to come, and whether or whether not I’ll be able to get a good and prestigious job in the future – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear and anxiety is misplaced – that I don’t require it and need to live a fulfilling life – and that I must give myself the permission to not succeed with my goals and plans – and be fine with that – and stand in such a way within me that regardless of how my physical reality moves – I remain grounded – physical – sound and stable – and nothing moves within me; thus I commit myself to breathe through these reactions – and ground myself back into my physical body – and state to myself that I am here – and I accept and value myself regardless of the outcome of my exam

I commit myself to with self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements – work with my self-experience – so that I don’t anymore go into anxiety and fear when I am faced with challenges in this world with regards to money – and thus I commit myself to practice and create a stability within me that can’t be touched – that is unbreakable – that is untouchable – and that regardless of the outcome in my world – I stand within and as this stability and move myself

I commit myself to accept and love myself regardless of the outcome of my exam

I commit myself to not base my value and worth on the outcome of my exam

I commit myself to support myself through the exam – and through writing the exam – through breathing and grounding myself back into my human physical body – and not accepting and allowing myself to make this event in anyway emotional – but rather walk through it as the physical and mental challenge that it is in-fact – and enjoy the point of seeing how effective I can be in this pressure situation – and how I can push myself to be stable and walk the point regardless of the pressure of the situation

Day 183: Learning To Love Studies With Self-forgiveness (Part 2)

For context – here is an excerpt from the last blog:

In the next blog – I am going to continue with how self-forgiveness assisted and supported me to learn to enjoy learning, studying and education – and how I within that came to develop a fondness for reading, writing, and the dry subject of law.

Many that are introduced to self-forgiveness have difficulty in understanding why they should forgive themselves? Because from their perspective, they’ve not done anything bad, or wrong in their life, then there shouldn’t be anything to forgive, right?

Though, what must be understood is that self-forgiveness is not about right or wrong, good or bad, correct or incorrect – self-forgiveness is the process of establishing a relationship with yourself – it’s the process of getting to know yourself and seeing the potential that you have within yourself to create a life for yourself and those in your world that is optimal – that is best for all.

Self-forgiveness is a magnificent tool because it has no limitations, with self-forgiveness you’re able to investigate, penetrate and change all aspects of your life – education and studies being but one of these dimensions. Though regardless of what dimension that you decide to take and change with self-forgiveness – the outcome and result is the same; namely that you’re relationship to the particular aspect and dimension of your world change from being one-dimensional and based on a positive/negative feeling/emotion or both – into becoming multi-dimensional – wherein you start to approach a particular aspect of your life in looking at how you’re able to express yourself in/with that point, how you’re able to develop yourself, and how you’re able to enhance yourself through/within that point.

page_casestudiesSo, with regards to studies: As I mentioned in my last blog – studies up until I began university was mostly a struggle – it was tedious – restricted and boring – there were no challenges – and most of all – there didn’t seem to be any life in it; to me it appeared to be about learning things, meaningless things, memorizing things, numbers, events, persons, concepts, and ideas – for no purpose – no meaning – but for survival and in the hopes of one day being able to sustain myself with a job and have enough money to get through the day; and that wasn’t good enough for me. This however came to change when I began the process of forgiving myself and investigating my mind.

When I began my university studies I opted to study for law – now what is fascinating about the subject of law, is that most people that aren’t acquainted with the subject, tend to look at law as a boring, dry, unimaginative, and uninspired – it’s just these massive volumes of text that in a overly complicated manner attempt to control people’s actions – and on that basis most people will judge and shun away from it without ever having made their own investigations or made the effort the familiarize themselves with the subject – and I would’ve done exactly the same unless it’d been for self-forgiveness and the process of walking myself into the physical and developing common sense.

Because as I approached this new subject – I’d already to some extent understood the concept of ‘resistance’ – and how in experiencing ‘resistance’ towards something it mostly means that there is a point before you where you’re able to learn something and expand yourself. So, initially I experienced resistance towards studying – and primarily towards the academic language that was used in the books as it was completely new to me. Though, with understanding that these experiences are not ‘who I am’ – but that there is more to me than resistance – and that I do have the power to push through and learn – even though I don’t feel like it – or have any positive experience towards it– I managed to get myself beyond the initial tough stages of learning.

Now, the motivation that drove me forward and beyond this resistance was a direct resultant of self-forgiveness – because the purpose of me learning and mastering the material, and getting into the subject – was not about me ‘making it’ or ‘getting through the education’ – but rather there was an understanding within me that in reading these books, and attending the seminars, in taking notes, and looking for ways in which I am able to further my studies – I was expanding MYSELF and I was enhancing my relationship to MYSELF – and I was developing skills and abilities that I could take with me beyond my studies and apply elsewhere in my world – such as: The skill of self-discipline, the skill of structuring and handling information – the skill of focus – the skill of persisting and moving into new information and not accepting and allowing resistance to hamper me.

And this perspective and way of looking at studies opened up with/through self-forgiveness – because what self-forgiveness does is that it clears the smokescreen of feelings and emotions and lays bare the actual and objective reality of this physical world – thus: In my mind studies wasn’t anymore defined as only ‘boring’ – or ‘tedious’ – rather studies was studies – and I could clearly see that in devoting myself to my studies I developed and enhanced certain physical abilities and skills – and it’s important to note that this isn’t isolated to studies only – because slowly but surely – through the applying and utilizing self-forgiveness – many more dimensions and aspects of my world began to open up to me – and I began to see how all of my life in various ways represented opportunities for me to express myself.

Thus – self-forgiveness opens up self-expression – and it opens up the flow of life – and this flow is the inherent curiosity and drive that exists in each and everyone of us to expand – to experience – to develop – and enhance – it’s something that is natural within all and that come through when we assist and support ourselves to let go of the limited way of looking at ourselves our world with/through emotions and feelings as curtains before our eyes – which hampers us from seeing the potential of ourselves and our life.

As such – self-forgiveness is truly a gift that one give to oneself – that when applied in self-honesty opens up the door to life – and the interesting thing is that life has always been here – it’s just that we’ve never allowed ourselves to step in and take part of it – and the benefits and joys of education/studies is but one aspect of life that most of us have yet to experience and explore.

Day 182: Learning To Love Studies With Self-forgiveness (Part 1)

Throughout most of my life studying and education were merely obstacles and obnoxious events that cut short the time I’d available for leisure and pastime hobbies. I detested most of the subjects I had to grind my way through, and as I was entering my seventh or eighth year of education, I really began to feel tired and fed up with school.

When I was done with my twelfth school year and in that finished gymnasium, I sighed in relief and assumed that I would now be able to enter freedom and leave this tedious and frigid world of schooling behind me. Obviously, that wasn’t to be the case, of which I am grateful, though the reason that I later came to appreciate education didn’t have to do with education in itself, rather it was a change that I went through that made the difference – but I revisit this later.

So, let’s continue with the story, after I was done with my gymnasium, I proceeded to investigate the world through travelling, and visiting new and exotic places, learning new crafts, talking with people, and fulfilling my lust for adventure. It was in conjunction with this part of my life that I happened upon Desteni, and the message of self-forgiveness – and this would turn out to be crucial ingredient in how I managed to change my relationship to studies – but more of this later.

During these years of adventure, I must honestly say that my life lacked any and all direction, I was just out to get my fix – the experience of freedom – which was really not freedom in-fact, instead it was a polarity reaction towards the previous years of tristesse and boredom that I’d experienced in public education. So, as a form of rebellion against the establishment, I spent some years of my life in drifting and wandering around, pursuing various dreams and fantasies, hoping to hit the jackpot of that ultimate lifestyle; which at that moment in time was becoming a musician, and earning living on what I enjoyed doing.

This though came to change as I discovered and explored the world of self-forgiveness – because with self-forgiveness I was able to let go of my inflated dreams, and start considering reality – what could I do with my life that would actually work? Where and how could I realistically place myself in this world? Obviously, I could now see that the music business was a disaster, and that even those musicians that had made a name for themselves had great difficulties with surviving. Self-forgiveness thus cured me of my illusions and served to ground me back in this world, and this physical existence – and in this newfound stability I saw and realized that I had to give myself some direction, I’d to make a decision where I should go, and in what position I should place myself.

Though it was still difficult for me to clearly see what I could do with myself and at some point a friend of mine suggested that I should study Law – so this is what I decided to do. Now, as I shared in the beginning, school was not exactly a point of pleasure for me – and my first years of Law studies also to some extent came to be colored with my remembrances of dislike towards schooling and learning. But already at this early stage, there was a definitive shift in me – and this became clearer as I progressed in my studies – what was coming through in my studies, and in me learning the subjects, and their vocabularies was a joy, pleasure and pride – studying was becoming fun!

Though, let’s slow down for a moment and look at what really happened here, what was it that changed in me, that made studying go from boredom, and tristesse, to fun and enjoyment? The key to this change is to be found in self-forgiveness – and I will not go deeper into the mechanics of self-forgiveness in this blog – rather I will share the effects of self-forgiveness. Now, self-forgiveness is an amazing tool as it opens up the door to SELF – yes – it makes it possible for me, and anyone else, to get to know themselves – and here is the most fascinating part of self-forgiveness – in applying and using self-forgiveness – you will begin developing a direct and clear relationship to YOURSELF.

But, what does this mean? Developing a relationship to yourself?

To give you an example, math was according to the younger me a particularly distasteful subject, so full of numbers, rules, and regulations, strict, empty, and pointless – and the main thing circulating my mind as I had to sit with these books was: “Why should I even learn this?” – and this very question reveals the problem – there was no clear reason, no clear why, no clear direction – instead I would just go with what I did or didn’t feel, and with what my parents or teachers told me – math was just something I did because it should be done – there was no ME – no SELF present at all.

But now, what was it that began happening after I’d been working with self-forgiveness for a while? I will give you an example: Last summer I took a course in national economics, and to my initial dread, it happened to contain massive amounts of quite complicated math – and at the outset I had no idea what to do, or how to learn all of it – the material seemed to be overwhelming, and within me I still carried the idea that “math is boring” – though it all took a very interesting turn: As I progressed with the course, I started to notice that math was not just about math – the subject math was actually a method, and tool, that challenged me to develop certain skills on a beingness and self level – it challenged me to live and apply certain words. Because to do math effectively, I realized that I had to be precise, focused, specific and detailed – I could not miss a single digit, or miss a single rule – if I did, the end result would turn out wrong and the equation would fail. Within this I found my why, my motivation, and my reason to push myself to learn and walk the course to its end – my motivation became to excel and better myself – to develop myself; and math, instead of being a necessary evil for me to complete my university degree, became a pleasure in its own right – where I could put myself to the test and strengthen my ability to live with precision and detail.

Thus, something amazing happened, I actually developed a relationship to the subject that was direct, where my interaction with the subject was not anymore about an experience, or a goal separate from me, instead my movement with the subject was based upon myself – it was based upon me seeing how in walking the course effectively and specifically, I could actually gift myself with new expressions and abilities, and enhance myself in a way that would last for the reminder of my life – AND the reason that I could do this was because of self-forgiveness; because self-forgiveness enhance and strengthen that self-relationship – and in using it over a long period time – you will through self-forgiveness cement a strong foundational relationship with yourself that will spread out into and influence all other areas of your life– making your interaction and participation with life, responsibilities, commitments, work, friends, colleagues, children and family an expression instead of a chore – where your PRESENCE and AWARENESS come through and start seeing how to build, developed, enhance, and affect through yourself in the movement of your everyday life.

In the next blog – I am going to continue with how self-forgiveness assisted and supported me to learn to enjoy learning, studying and education – and how I within that came to develop a fondness for reading, writing, and the dry subject of law.

Day 81: Projections and Fear

Recently as I’ve begun to write this terms paper in relation to my law-studies, I’ve begun to face more, and more anxiety, and fear, and this is particularly in relation to failing with the course, and not getting the best possible grade.

future-of-innovation-management-five-key-steps-for-future-successThe reason this fear comes up is because of fear of the future, and it’s in relation to how I’ve dreamed up this particular idea of how well it should go for me in the future, what type of life I should have, and how me getting the best grade on all courses would allow me to get this particular life that I desire, and that I’ve imagined in my mind.

In essence, what I am able to see as the desire I have for my future is lot’s of money, and a easy life, a life where I can settle down and feel that I have stabilized myself effectively in the system, and thus nobody, and nothing can touch me, I am stable. So, it’s interesting that I am existing in a fear of the future, a fear of survival in essence, and my solution to this have been to try and acquire more money, to make it certain that I will be able make my dreams, and hopes of the future real – and within this the obvious point is forgotten; that I could give myself that point of being stable, and untouchable HERE – I don’t in-fact have to accomplish anything in this world, or acquire any particular position in the system to give myself this point of letting go of fear, letting go of anxiety, and letting go of the fear of survival.

I can also see that this fear isn’t only coming from fear of survival, it’s also coming from the fear of not being the best, and not succeeding in such a way that I am able to think of myself that I truly got out of the course, the best I could possibly get out of it. I don’t want to fail, because I don’t want others to think of me as being stupid, ineffective, and not capable.

What I find fascinating is how a small point like this is able to consume, and become my entire way of living, wherein my way of looking at things, and my way of interacting with this world becomes one-dimensional, as I lock into this one point in my mind, and I try and attempt to accomplish that one single point, forgetting that obviously, there are severely more important things to attend to in this world, than worrying about MY life, and MY desires, and MY hopes.

Isn’t this one of the reasons as to why this world is a complete shithole? We have all been preoccupied with only our own life’s to such an extent that we’ve not even bothered to pay attention to what is really going on in this world, and seeing that there is much, much more than only MY life, and MY desires, and MY hopes.

I see that this fear I hold unto can only exist when I hold unto a limited perspective, and way of viewing my life, wherein I define points like this, as what particular grade I will receive, as being a all-important, all-devouring point – and I do not push myself to see the greater picture of things, the global view, wherein people are without even the most basic necessities, the most basic points required to survive in this world; now that is a fucking problem – me getting a slightly lesser grade on a test – that is a luxury-problem and not something in-fact worthy of fearing, considering the misery and suffering that is really going on in this world on a massive level each and every day; thus the conclusion can be that when I stand on par with the real priorities of this existence – fear for my personal life can’t really exist, or at least not be as possessive in regards to these small, and in essence, completely unimportant points, such as whether I will receive the best grade, or the slightly lesser grade.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with MY life, with MY hopes, with MY interests, with MY ideas, with MY personal survival, and within this disregard, and completely overlook that there is an entire existence here, in-front of my eyes, that is in grave troubles, wherein people do not even have access to the most basic of necessities; and within this I see, realize, and understand that – sure – it’s important that I direct, and take responsibility for my personal world, and my personal survival, but within this I can’t accept and allow it to become a possession because then I miss that there is in-fact MORE than only my life, and my personal world, and my personal responsibilities, that also requires direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that one of the reasons as to why this world is in the condition that it is, is because we as humans tend to become possessed with our own life to such an extent that we view reality as a one-dimensional movie, that we name “MY life” – not realizing that there is really not such a thing as “MY life” – because obviously all humans are interconnected with each other, and thus what I do in MY life will echo through this world, and have an impact in this world; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simple truth that “no man is an island” – and that this truth implies that I must motivate myself to act on behalf of all of humanity as creating a solution that is best for all, so that we do not anymore have to live in this existence of fear wherein we can’t even be sure to have access to the most basic living necessities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself, in realizing and understand that, it won’t affect my life that much whether I will get the best grade, or the slightly lesser grade, and that really, the fear I experience is only a mind-job – wherein I imagine stuff in my mind, as how I want my life to be, and then fear that things will not turn out as I’ve imagined; instead of realizing that the primary point of importance in terms of my own life, is that I can assure my personal survival, so that I can walk this process, and contribute to a life that is best for all, and looking at my studies from that perspective, I see that there is really no use for fear, there is really no use for anxiety – because I will be able to place myself in effective money making position in the system, regardless of whether I get the best grades, or the slightly lesser grades

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I become overly concerned with my life, my hopes, my desires, my wishes, and my interests, this will affect my seeing of the world as a unit, and as a oneness, wherein I see that who I am in my daily life have an effect, and an impact on the whole; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and ground myself in the physical – and accept and allow my life to physical – meaning that I take decisions on the basis of giving life, and supporting life for all that is here in this physical reality, and not just to support my interests, desires, wishes, and fears, that come up as irrational thoughts in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear to be my directive principle in my life, and to believe that fear is a benevolent energy that makes my life easier, and that sort of warns me when things are about to go astray, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest, and to see, realize, and understand that fear only makes me ineffective, and really have me compromise myself in my life, because when I am in fear, it’s obvious that I can’t be HERE and life effectively in this moment, with and as my human physical body, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here – and to within this not accept and allow myself to be possessed by fear, but instead merge myself with the physical and remain within and as common sense, as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I let go of fear, and instead start considering my world, my reality, and my responsibilities, from a physical, common sense starting point, that I might then completely loose myself in this world and reality, and not anymore be able to function effectively, because apparently fear is my trustworthy eyes, that shows me who I should be, what I should do, when I should do it, and why I should do it, and apparently I am completely helpless, and without any form of stability if I can’t go to my fear, and ask my fear “who should I be here?” – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and within this state that “I am my own authority as the physical here as common sense – and I don’t require fear to be effective in my life” – and as such I commit myself to not anymore accept and allow me to go to fear for guidance – but to remain with common sense – to remain with the physical – to remain with my breath and my human physical body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that when I experience fear, that there is something that is wrong, and that there is something that might be about to go wrong, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear have no effective relationship with reality, and that as such fear is simply fear – and it has no deeper meaning to it that it being fear; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon fear, and use fear as my guide, and to believe that when fear comes up it must be because there is something I am missing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and to simply let go of fear as it comes up, and stop myself from participating in it, and instead focus upon looking at reality with physical eyes – seeing the mathematical context of reality and making decisions in regards to physical points that I am able to see and prove to myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within this accept and allow myself to let go of fear, and to realize, that really, being possessed with fear is a choice that I’ve made, and as such I am able to re-choose – re-align myself with and as the physical, and not anymore accept and allow myself to have fear be a part of my life; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not helpless to the experience of fear, and that I am not less than fear – it’s simply that I’ve made the decision to make fear my god, but within this I see that I am able to change this decision, and re-align myself with and as the physical – with and as that which is practical and within that obviously do not contain any form of energy as fear

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear in regards to points in my reality, that will have some type of effect on my future, and I start to fear that my future will not be what I’ve imagined, and hoped that it would be – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that fear is not making more effective in terms of realizing plans that I’ve made for the future, it merely makes go into a panic and loose my perspectives of what is important, and what isn’t – and what it is that I am here to do in this life; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to and as the physical – to let go of the fear and start practically working with considering my life in a mathematical and practical context – because then no fear can possibly exist as fear derives it’s existence upon ideas that are not aligned with and as the physical

When and as I am seeing that I go into fear, and that my life suddenly has become this dance of fear, wherein all my actions, and decisions are born within and as fear, and I do this to protect my life, and my interests, and my desires, and my hopes – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that fear makes me loose perspective on what is important, on what the actual state is of my physical world, and as such I start making decisions, and start looking at things in a way that is ineffective, that is completely separated from the mechanics of this physical world and reality; as such I commit myself to align myself with and as the physical – to merge myself with the physical – and to practically do this through pushing myself to when I make decisions, and when I look at my future, do this in a practical, physical, and tangible context – wherein I consider the mathematics of this world and reality and not my experience thereof

Enhanced by Zemanta

Day 45: I Testify – Here is My Witness-Statement

I am Viktor Persson from Uppsala, Sweden, and I was born in Stockholm, Sweden in the year of 1987. I finished high-school year 2006, and began my university studies 2011 – and I’ve selected to study the degree of law. I joined the Desteni Research Group through the Equal Life Foundation in the end of 2008 – when I also started my investigations of my mind, and what it means to live.

I started walking my process, and I’ve visited the farm, and throughout my process I’ve kept a journal about my understanding and practical application of it.

The duration of my first visit to the farm was 6 months, and the second visit was 1 month; through visiting the farm I learned that living doesn’t have to be a struggle, and that it can be enjoyable. That there are always new challenges to take on, and new points of self-expansion to be walked – and that life never stagnates unless self accepts and allows this to happen through valuing fear more than self-expansion. I have learned the value of discipline, consistency, principles, and living-ideals – and I have understood that change can only become a living reality through practical application in the physical – not through thinking about it.

In my process of keeping a journal, and investigating the Desteni Material – I’ve become more emotionally stable, assertive, decisive, strong, self-independent, self-confident, and I’ve decided to study law – which is something that I wouldn’t have done unless I became involved with the Desteni Research Team. Never have my participation with Desteni been motivated by Money – but my motivation has sprung from the sheer substance, and value that is to be found in the Material that Desteni presents; thus Desteni is NOT a Pyramid Scheme!

Through walking, and applying the Desteni Tools During the last 5 years – I have:

Transcended apathy; I now care about the direction of my life, my future, my well-being – and the well-being of those whom I share my world with.

Transcended social-anxiety; I now enjoy talking, and communicating with people in my life – and get to know new human-beings – I look with excitement at the prospect of expanding my network of acquaintances – instead of fearing it.

Learned how the world functions; I’ve humbled myself – and realized that I know very little about how the world functions – and within that I’ve begun my research too understand how the world functions – and I have learned A LOT – simply because I now care about myself, and my effectiveness in this world – and the daily impact I have on other people.

Transcended the desire for fame; I do not anymore look to become famous – and my life do not circle around me “making it” with my music – instead I’ve given myself a new purpose – to become the best I can be in this life – and to make this earth/world the best it can be.

Developed self-discipline; I am now very disciplined – and I am able to effectively structure the time of my day – and prioritize my tasks – allowing me to be a highly productive, effective, and functional human-being – and due to this I am able to walk several projects all at once without allowing this to compromise my presence and stability.

Developed self-assertiveness; I now stand comfortable alone – I don’t search for friendships – I instead develop contacts with people as a decision that I do without a secret agenda to feel accepted – I am now able to make decisions, and stand by these and not need the confirmation and support from someone else that I am “doing right” – I’ve learned how to think critically, and consider physical priorities – and thus I am able to make effective decisions, and trust my decisions.

Learned English; I am now highly effective in the use of the English language – both in speech, and in writing – all due to having consistently a kept journal of my research of the Desteni Material.

Developed effective communication skills; I am now able to speak with much more clarity, and self-trust – and convey points with great ease – I’ve for example received feedback several times from my teachers that my communication is clear – and concise – and that people understand me when I speak – I take this as feedback that my communication-skills have become much more effective.

Developed self-introspection/reflection, and self-correction skills; when something happens in my world that I react towards – I am now not anymore a helpless victim to my reactions – I am able to immediately deal with, walk through, and correct the reaction – and my living – through using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and living the self-correction – as such I now trust myself to walk through this life effectively without falling – because I know that I have the tools for me to live effectively, and I am an expert in the use of them.

Developed my reading abilities; I am now a effective reader – this is due to how I have for the last 5 years spent countless of hours reading the Desteni Material – and also developing my vocabulary, and writing-skill through keeping a journal – thus I am now able to read most literature fast, and with effective comprehension – allowing me to be very effective in the world-system.

Developed relationship/partnership-skills; before Desteni I was not effective in communication, and intimacy-development in relationships – since I began my research at Desteni I’ve begun to develop this point – and the moment I am walking a relationship within which I’ve been able to establish an effective communication, and also express myself intimately – as such allowing me to walk a functional, and fulfilling relationship with another.

Learned to Forgive; before Desteni I held the adult-world in contempt for my failure as a human-being – in particular my parents; since Desteni I’ve forgiven my parents and established a fulfilling, and functional relationship with them that is emotionally stable and mutually beneficial.

Developed a relationship with my human physical body; I now care what food I eat – I care about the state of my body, and I am able to understand when it is something that I am eating that cause a imbalance in my physical body – and within that correct the point; and as such I’ve developed a effective physical communication with my body that have allowed me to live a more healthy, awake, and fulfilling life.

Thus – this is my witness-statement – this is what I’ve experienced, walked through, and understood in my five years with Desteni; Prooving that Desteni is NOT a scam – This is not hear-say but I’ve experienced this first-hand – thus – this is the evidence I show for anyone that is interested in knowing what is Desteni, and what are the effects of Desteni – Here is the Answer – I am the Answer.