Tag Archives: stupid

Day 282: A Hell of A Day

Today, I had a hell of a day. And with that, I mean that I had a day where I faced many new experiences, and reactions, of which, particularly one stands out – the desire to impress, and its polarity opposite, the fear of being useless.

I really enjoy the way that my work is challenging me when it comes to this point. Because my work currently is about tightly cooperating with others, and in that my efforts are continuously being evaluated, by myself obviously, and the benchmark of my evaluations is how I perceive that others see/receive my work. For instance today, I had a moment where I walked up to one of my colleagues, as we where to have a meeting, and it turned out that I was half an hour early to the meeting – lol. In that I moment I experienced a big fat embarrassment in my chest area, as well as a fear tightening my chest – because in that moment I perceived my actions/behavior as a weakness.

So, it is interesting how deeply ingrained this point is within me of wanting/desiring to be someone to another, and how severely it is limiting me. Fact is, that when I strive to be something for another, my experience of myself in what I am doing shifts from me, here, applying myself, to learn, expand and grow in my application, into a state of fear, where the murmuring backchat is of the following nature: ‘What do they think of me?’ – ‘Did I do this right?’ – ‘Did I make a fool out of myself now?’ – ‘Oh my god, they are going to dislike me forever now!’ – it is like a constant momentum of anxiety that I get pulled into that then defines my day, my work, and what I do.

And, the interesting part of this is that I know how much I could enjoy my work, and the learning experience I could create it to be, if I would be able to let go of my drive to please, and my fear of displeasing – because the work offers so much potential for learning, growing, expanding and becoming more effective. Really, it is similar to school, we constantly do things because others tell us to, and after a while it is all about the recognition, all about what others think of us, and not about our own expression/experience/momentum within what we are doing.

The solution is to redefine work, redefine living, redefine myself, from survival to living – and that means – understanding that life becomes so much more when the veils of fear are released and one is instead able to focus on the actual living, the actual participation, the actual interaction with life here – and one have energy, and space within to process this world, and all the information that is constantly moving. From what I see for myself, what stands in my way is fears and desires – very basic mental experiences that are stopping me from becoming what I can become. Because I do like my chosen profession, I do like the constant learning, expanding, and growing that exists within it – however to really access that potential fear must go.

However, I will not give up until I am able to stand, and walk in my chosen profession as an expression of real living, with no fear – that is my reference point – that is my goal and where I want to get to. Now the work begins to get there, which involves, applying self-forgiveness, and the specifying my corrective applications. Challenges, mistakes, faults, and errors are not meant to be feared – we are supposed to learn from them, grow, expand and welcome them into our lives, as they offer us an opportunity to become even more effective.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being appreciated by my colleagues or bosses – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent upon others appreciating me, others thinking that I am good, others defining me as being an asset, etc. and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give this to myself

I recognize that I am an asset, that I have many qualities, skills and abilities that I can use to give and create a world that is better for all participants involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being outcasted by my colleagues and bosses

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes – in the fear that my colleagues or bosses are then going to judge me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake in fear of what that might lead to and create in my life in terms of future career opportunities – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed about my future – about what might come to pass – and forget about myself here in the moment – and the process that I am walking – and how I can in-fact use what I am doing to empower myself as an individual – however it is required then that I push the point of actually doing it for and as myself and not to satisfy my bosses and colleagues

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my life when I am out in the system, working, creating relationships, and more, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify this experience thinking that life is dangerous, that I need this fear to keep on my toes, not realizing that it’s not about need – it is about habit – and within that not realizing that I can create for more supportive ways of living and participating in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a reason as to why very few people are able to become knowledgeable and superior in their professional field is because the focus is elsewhere, the focus is not on learning, understanding and empowering oneself within the work one is doing – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to empower myself in my field, I must focus on the work, the field, and the learning of that work, that must be where my energy goes, and in this I cannot accept and allow fear to be a part of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not presenting a good enough work, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when my focus is on presenting a good work to another, then I am not actually focusing on the work that I am doing HERE – and how I can empower myself within the work that I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the key to remember is that what I focus on will grow – if I focus on what I fear – that will grow – if I instead focus on my relationship and application within the work that I do – then that will grow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, when and as I notice that I am getting high strung at work, and I go into some form of a rush-energy, to take a moment to stop up, to go grab a cup of coffee, drink some water, or take a walk, and support myself to get out of that experience, or apply some self-forgiveness, stop up for some moments and ground myself back into my body, remind myself of my starting point, my why in the work that I am doing, to learn as much as possible, to expand, and empower myself within the field of law, to in the future be able to use this to create a difference in this world that will make life better for all human beings – that is my starting point – not fear – not anxiety – not worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes, because I fear that my superiors are going to judge me, and that this will have ramifications for me in that I will not be able to get a job in the future, and feel secure and safe in my living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with regards to money, and security, exist in this polarity, where I sometimes, usually when I get money, feel secure, safe, and sound, and then when I am at work, and I perceive that there is a risk I am not going to get money, go into fear, anxiety, and worry that I am not going to be able to survive, because I might become fired from my job – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that my participation in this sense/feeling of security is actually creating the opposite polarity of fear, and anxiety – and hence I commit myself to let go of both of these polarities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my colleagues or bosses are cryptically judging, or showing their discontent with me, when they look a little angry, or say something that could be interpreted as them thinking that I am not good at what I am doing – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no point in caring what others think about me – what is important is that I know what I am doing – I know what I am pushing – I know what I am walking – and that I am walking to my utmost ability – and in that I know that I am doing what I can do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is that I must take ownership of my life, my work, my professional career, everything I do, make it mine and thus not anymore do it to satisfy another – but to create a purpose within it that I can walk, where I have my starting point, where I have my direction, and where I know/see how I am going to create myself within it all

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to use my current work to learn as much about law and the legal system as I am able to – and I commit myself to focus my physical and mental energy on this process of learning, of understanding, and seeing the flaws, and mistakes, and the machinery of this system, and thus not anymore accept and allow fear to be a focus in my day-to-day living

When and as I notice that I am going into a state of rush, and inner speed, and where this is shown through becoming absent minded, forgetting things, and being generally incapable of focusing effectively, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that to ground myself back in my body, I require some moments for myself – I require some moments of breathing, applying self-forgiveness, and focusing myself back here – and thus I commit myself to give myself those moments – there is time for that – because I realize what a difference this will make for me – and how much more comfortable and relaxed I will be in my physical body as I get home – and how much more rested I will be as I wake up the next day – as I will not have abused and harmed my body through participating in stress, anxiety, and fear

I commit myself to walk my life with no fear, stress and anxiety, and show that it is possible to do this – and I commit myself to not fear mistakes

I commit myself to in relation to my profession, my career, to create a purpose within it, to thus create ownership in relation to all parts of my life, so that I am walking/creating for and as myself – walking and creating according to my plans, and according to what I see myself achieving in this life, and hence not within and as the fear of what my bosses, and colleagues might think about me – and thus I commit myself to take ownership in all parts of my life – to redefine who I am in the areas of my life where I notice that there is still fear and anxiety – as I understand that such reactions indicate that there is till a separation and that I have not effectively claimed ownership in relation to the point

Day 262: Finding a Solution

a puzzle piece made of grassWhen I turn on the television and look at the conventional newscasts that are aired every night, most often what will be shared is problems. There are problems with schools, problems with politicians, problems with money, problems with crime, problems with jobs, problems with immigrants. Seemingly millions of problems, yet, what is very, very rare is the sharing of a solution. Why is that?

To answer this question, let us take a look at our own lives, and how we approach difficulties, issues, conflicts, and other tough points that arise in our day-to-day living. Because where is our focus? We look at the problem – and over, and over again we regurgitate in our minds how big our problems are. And what we many times miss is to actively look for the SOLUTIONS. So, in this blog I am going to share a practical living application that has assisted and supported me to be more immediate, and direct when it comes to handling problems that open up in my world – and walk them into a SOLUTION.

I will share a short story from my own life that will serve as an example of this practical application: I am at the moment building an expansion to my mother’s farmhouse. The plan is that my partner and I are going to live here, and share the spacious farm environment together with my mother. It is really a fun process to be part off. Though, when it comes to building, and acquiring a house like this, it requires a lot of capital, and because of this my partner and I have had to take on a loan. And today is I was looking at the building site, and the development of the expansion, a anxiety come up from within, and it went like this: “Oh, we are taking on so much debt to be able to do this! Shit! I could have decided to live more cheaply! Man, now I will be stuck with this for a long time!”

When that thought, and energy came up within me, initially I went into it. Then I applied self-forgiveness, and instead of continuing to exist in a state of worry/anxiety I began to look at a SOLUTION. Hence, I asked myself, what is the solution to this problem I am facing? And I realized that, instead of worrying about what this project costs, I can appreciate the fact that I do have the opportunity to do something like this in my life, and really involve myself in the construction of my future abode. And instead of looking at the debt as a point of pressure, see that me taking on this debt does allow me to walk, and experience a cool process of creation together with my partner. Thus I am in an optimum position to actually create, and be part of building the future of my life from the ground up, because an important part of my future will be my house, where I am going to live.

When I realized this, I could see that it was up to me to define WHO I AM in relation to this project that I have committed myself to walk. And I understood that I must make the decision, and unless I do that, my circumstances will do it for me. But do I want to walk through my life and feel pressured just because I have debt? No – I want to be able to live, and appreciate the environment and the life I am creating for myself. Hence the solution to my problem is to live this appreciation, this enjoyment, and push myself to explore and participate in this adventure that is unfolding day by day.

This is thus an example of the practical application of how we are able find SOLUTIONS to the inner conflicts we face. I have practiced the point of immediately as a reaction comes up within me, apply a self-forgiveness statement, and then look for, and live a solution. It is not as easy as it sounds, but developing such a skill is priceless – and really – it is what we as humanity needs to create. We are too much in love with our problems and it is not good for us – thus as a rule of thumb – I suggest that we place the focus in our minds 90 % on solutions, and only 10 % on finding and gauging problems.

The Freedom of Being Stupid

One thing that I’ve noticed at my university is that most fear not being right, fear not knowing the answer, and fear being seen as “stupid” – and this will have the consequence that most of the pupils will, when the professor ask a question, sit silent and still, in utter prettification that they will be pointed out to answer the question, and when the professor at the end of the lesson ask – is there anyone that doesn’t understand, any questions, anyone? Everyone remain silent.

And so it’s fascinating to see how this fear actually manifest as reality through us attempting to avoid this fear – because look at what happens when we accept and allow yourself to limit ourselves in asking questions when don’t understand, and being honest with ourselves when there is something we simply can’t get our heads around – we become stupid, we don’t know the answers, and we most certainly won’t be right at the next exam!

Thus we manifest our fears of not being right, and not knowing the answer – because never accepted and allowed ourselves to ask, and to admit to ourselves and others that – hey, I really don’t know the answer to this crappy questions.

What I’ve done is that I accept and allow myself to ask when I don’t understand, others find this to be humorous at times and laugh at my questions yet I don’t accept and allow that to limit me, and sometimes I give answers to the questions that the professors ask without being sure that it’s correct, why not? Why care about who thinks’ that I am smart, or stupid? It’s so limiting – apparent “stupid” people have more fun, because they aren’t afraid of being seen as stupid; while supposedly “smart” people have a heck of a job to keep their show going.

I embrace my “stupidity”, and as such I am able to get to clarity on what I don’t know through asking the correct “stupid” questions – which is better than to pretend that I know, when I don’t.

Why Alcohol Makes You A Pre-Historic Zombie Moron

Yesterday Sweden erupted in a drug-frenzied ecstasy as it was time celebrate the holiday, known in Swedish as ‘Midsommarafton’. Translated to English it would be called midsummers eve. It’s a traditional party day that all Swedish people since small children have been exposed to. According to tradition you are at this day to become extremely drunk, dance around a pole in the ground that is dressed in leaves and hopefully get achieve sexual intercourse with someone of the opposite sex – then you’ve had a great midsummers eve!

Obviously, when people get drunk – people become stupid and demon-possessed. So, this morning as I look in the newspaper, there is a large column of various horrific events that has taken place during the night. Let me share some of them with you: one man decided about 11 pm yesterday night, with all certainty extremely drunk, to head out on a metal roof about 15 above ground. He then proceeded to slip, fall down, hit the ground and almost die; he’s still alive though.

Let’s continue. The police comments that all of their drunkard jail-cells, yes we actually have jail-cells specifically reserved for drunks, was filled to the brim. The officer in charge explains the situation, as to the drunkards, with one very fitting sentence: people become fucking stupid when they drink!

A man got beat up with a baseball bat in a town called Säffle. One young man and one young women got attacked and beaten – they where brought to the hospital with serious injuries. One 21-year-old man drove of the road and died, probably he was drunk. A motorcycle driver drove straight into a tree and was brought to the hospital unconscious, also with much certainty drunk.

A man and a woman got burnt to death as their holiday house went up in flames. Alive candles and being drunk is not a suggested combination, though is just my theory as to why the house got burnt down – they went to bed without putting out the candles. It’s easy to forget things when you’re drunk! And finally, in the northwestern part of Skåne two dead men where found and they are believed by the police to have been murdered.

So, what a great night! Right! Alcohol makes life fun! Right? Really people. Look at what the fuck we are doing. We are killing ourselves through consuming drugs, becoming like possessed monkeys, or actually it’s degrading to call drunk human beings monkeys, to the monkeys that is, let’s instead call them possessed zombies. Because when you get drunk and you start to scream, shout and completely forget that your actions has consequences and that you exist in a reality that is real – you’re a drunk zombie. The definition of a zombie in this case would be, someone without a brain that still holds the ability to walk around and do things.

We forbid criminal actions like murder and theft but we allow alcohol, what the fuck? Isn’t all of this shit happening in only one night proof enough that alcohol should be banned? And the companies providing alcohol should be charged with murder! I mean, why do we accept, allow and actually encourage people to detriment themselves to the stage of pre-historic zombie idiots with the sole intentions in mind of sex and physical fist fights – why?!?!?! Maybe we are fucking stupid? Or, maybe some other zombies want to make profit out of alcohol and thus promote and sell it with no regard as to the consequences this shit has for people.

And how fucking trustworthy is our school and our politicians when they do not educate people as to the consequences of alcohol and no single effort is made to forever ban alcohol from this world. I mean, if I go voting, how the fuck can I trust the politicians that I vote for if they drink? They are simply uneducated pre-historic zombie morons, I won’t vote for anyone like that; neither will I vote someone that doesn’t hold to legislate against the complete stop of all alcohol consumption. Because if you allow alcohol, through not doing anything about it, then tacitly you’re as much responsible as the zombies that produce and sell it to make profit.

But there is a solution. Research the equal money system. There are people that actually care about the well being of you and your family. In a couple of years the Equal Life Party will be born – be ready then as it will be politics like you’ve never seen it before. Politics with actual real principles as to what is best for all as it’s foundation. Gotdamn, finally some integrity will be breathed into the walls of the parliament.

Equal Money is the solution. Equal Life Party is the conveyor. Do your homework! And stop the alcohol!

Facts taken from: C, Bergfeldt, Nivette Dawod. “Fylla, brott och olyckor”. Aftonbladet. 2011-06-25. <http://www.aftonbladet.se/nyheter/article13227811.ab&gt;