Tag Archives: superior

Day 428: Changing Competition

I have now been back at work for a couple of weeks, and one point that has opened up, which has not been present during my vacation, is competition. I have noticed that I compete with my colleagues in many respects, and most of the the time I am competing for attention/recognition/praise from a superior.

This week I have actively challenged my tendency of becoming fearful/anxious/judgmental when I receive criticism by my superiors at work. Usually, I would react in fear, stress or anxiety, and then go into a judgment, and then try to improve that particular aspect of my work so as to not repeat the same mistake again. The way I have challenged this behavior is to, instead of looking at how to change/improve my professional skills to avoid criticism, I look at and push myself to find the core problem and issue within me that is responsible for me making that mistake in the first place.

An example would be how I made a mistake when writing a report at work. My superior came into my room and showed me that I had missed some information. I wanted to go into anxiety and self-judgment, however I stopped myself and instead decided to look at the core issue. What I found was that, at times, I will have this fine feeling/experience that I have missed something, that something is ‘off’, something is not as it should be. The mistake I have done in those moments is that I have brushed that feeling over by saying to myself: ‘No, no, I have done the necessary work, let’s just get done with this now’. Hence, in-fact forcing myself to move forward, when there is a part of me signalling that I am not completely finished. Hence, I made the commitment to start practicing listening to this fine part of myself that comes through at times, to take it seriously, and put more effort and time into investigating and proof-reading, when I ‘suspect’ that something is not as it should be.

What I could also see, as a core problem, was that I at times, too fast throw myself at a conclusion, because I want to get done with it, and because of that, I make unnecessary mistakes, when I could have avoided that mistake through a bit more of research, consideration and deliberation – in essence – CALMING myself down and daring to MOVE and DIRECT myself as SLOW as is needed. There is no meaning or sense in rushing something. However, it takes a commitment, it takes breathing, it takes being steady and stable, to move slowly and comfortably, to dare to use my time and invest it into the various projects in my life, and not haste, believing that I will be able to ‘do more’ if I haste.

Thus, instead of competing, I bring it back to myself. Instead of trying to beat others, I place my focus on challenging myself, and ‘beating’ myself – doing better than what I did in the past – and pushing myself to continuously create myself, and move forward, regardless of what it is that I am doing – there is always room for expansion and momentum. And instead of trying to achieve respect and attention from a superior – I make sure that I give these things to myself – earning my own respect through the way I live – and giving myself attention through literally – paying attention to myself and what I am going through.

 


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Day 381: A Moment With Many Dimensions

I walked through an interesting experience at work that revealed many points and it played out as follows. I was sitting with one of my superiors, to whom I usually feel inferior. We were together working on a project, and my superior asked me some questions, which I answered, in that state of inferiority/fear – with a low voice – slightly held back. It was a short answer. And now comes the interesting part, at the meeting, one of my new colleagues was present, which my superior also asked the same questions. My colleague answered with confidence, self-assurance, and I was surprised at the depth and understanding with which he spoke. This made me feel insecure and fearful, as well as jealous. I wanted to be the one to shine around my superior and show off – however – because of inferiority and fear – as well as polarized desire to impress – I was not able to express myself genuinely and to my full potential.

I see that inferiority and fear in relation to authorities is self-debilitating. I see that wanting approval from authorities is self-debilitating. I also see that my expression/movement at work should not be motivated by comparison – or rather – not the form of criticism/emotional comparison/competition that I have become used to – rather – I can use others as positive references to develop and refine my skills. For example with my colleague, I can take him as an example when it comes to speaking with self-assurance and self-confidence – and also take him as an example when it comes to trusting my own seeing and realizations – however then not to move myself in order to win or prove myself – but to move myself in such a way that I expand and grow as a person.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional, to judge myself, and criticize myself harshly when I react in inferiority/fear around my superior, and when I suppress myself because of this inferiority fear, because I fear that I have then not made a good impression on my superior, and I want and desire to make a good impression, to feel that I am worthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not making a good impression on my superior, to fear not being accepted by my superior, to fear that one of my colleagues will make a better appearance, express himself more eloquently, and effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing and being judged as second best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be judged as the best by my superior – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto insecurity, to believe of myself to be less than, to believe of myself that I need the support, the understanding, the love from others to make it, that I need someone to reassure me, that I am doing good, that my decisions, that my way of expressing and moving myself at work, that it is sufficient, and that it is okay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete against my colleagues and want to show off so that I can feel that I am the best – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this way of living is motivated by fear and insecurity – I am trying to show how good I am because I do not trust myself – because I do not value myself – and because I feel that I am in need of another, especially my superiors, to recognize my strengths, my abilities, my style of working, to have them say, that I am really good and effective at what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in unhealthy competition, which is a competition where I judge myself, hate myself, because I feel that I have lost, and I drive myself to win, only to feel superior, more than, and above others, instead of participating in creating a healthy competition where I accept and allow myself to see and learn from others, to take the strengths of others and make them my own, to take the powers of others and expand upon them and grow as a person for my own sake, because I want to grow as my own person – I want to become the best me for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards and push away my colleague, because I fear him, that he is better than me, and that he will take away my value and outshine me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am existing in a state of fear, thus not seeing the actual value of this moment, how I am able to learn a lot from X – because he is really good at somethings that I am not very good at – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach others from a starting point of fighting, of trying to win so that I can feel good about myself for a moment – instead of moving myself to for my own sake, and so that I later can share this with the world, expand myself to grow as a person and become more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself when I feel that I am being outmatched by another – and to believe that I am then a loser – and that I must at all costs push myself to take back my position – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact existing in a complete delusion, a self-limitation, where everything becomes about winning, and proving myself in relation to others, instead of me getting to know myself, and seeing what I would like to do/express/live for and as myself – where it is not necessarily built upon what others do or do not do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to increase my self-value through feeling on top of and better than others – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not good enough when I am just an equal, when I living HERE in equality – to believe that there must be something added to me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my equal value and worth – to see that my equal value and worth is HERE as who I am – and that it is not something that is dependent upon me receiving attention or being seeing or liked by my superior – or me being able to outshine my colleague and better than him or her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior towards my colleague because I perceive him to be very direct, confident, and clear, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead learn from my colleague, to observe, and to look at how my colleague is living and expressing himself – so that I can apply this within myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to my superiors and worry/fear how they might see me, and what they might think about me, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to be fired, or isolated, because I am not perceived as a likable individual – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on having others liking me – instead of placing my focus HERE in looking at how I am able to expand – push myself – and move forward within my life to create myself to become a human-being with integrity and strength – and with care for humanity and this world – with care to create something that is best for all

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into inferiority/fear, and I hold myself back, through speaking with a lower voice, through limiting and hold back my physical body expression, literally diminishing myself, in relation to a superior, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of living is not worthwhile – that it does not allow me to live and express a supportive/efficient/enjoyable life – because I am not really sharing myself one and equal – I am hiding; and thus I commit myself to straighten my back, look up in the eyes of my superior, and speak with a clear and stable voice, and share myself one and equal, thus living the words of confidence, equality, and self-assurance

When and as I see myself becoming worried as to what my superior think of me, whether I have overstepped a line, done too much, or too little, whether I am in some way or another not satisfying my superior, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this tendency within me of accepting and allowing myself to be overly concerned as to what others think of me, that it limits me, and especially with my superiors, it puts me down, when I could have embraced my equality, and simply shared myself one and equal with no fears or anxieties – and thus I commit myself to share myself as an equal – to stop overthinking and analyzing who I am in relationship with another – and instead live equality and oneness HERE practically through sharing myself openly, with a clear and stable voice, sharing myself when there is something I would like to say, and not holding myself back


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Day 376: Stopping The Roller Coaster At Work

I can understand why there are many that dislikes working. During those eight hours, or more, you are basically forced to do things, move, participate, act, and the primary motivation is survival. Further, at work we have to deal with forced relationships. These are relationships we have not chosen, but that come together with the work. The things mentioned are usually a recipe for inner conflict, dissatisfaction, discomfort, and many other emotional experiences; similar to Job – at the job – most of us have to face some tough shit. Though, during my process of self-purification, I have come to see that work, is really a perfect place for SELF-EXPANSION and SELF-MOVEMENT; because it offers a smorgasbord of various experiences, reactions, misaligned relationships, ripe for changing, for anyone interested in expanding and moving themselves beyond their pre-programmed self.

Hence today, I will revisit one of my more deeply ingrained patterns, that keep recurring, and you guessed right, at work. And it has to do with my relationship with superiors. A couple of weeks ago I was assigned to do a project together with a couple of my colleagues. I felt honored and proud to be selected to work with this project, because it was particularly difficult, and required a specific expertise. For some moments, a couple of days, I was in high spirits. Then, disaster struck, at one point in the project, I was not able to execute the needed actions as well as I felt was needed. I became worried and afraid that my superior would react, and went into a state of self-judgment/fear/anxiety. Thus, I am able to see that in relation to work, and in relation to producing results, I am very much driven/motivated by the perceived reactions of my superiors. If I notice that I get positive feedback, I become energetic, positive, happy, and full of drive. If the opposite happens, I become depressed, fearful, and filled with judgment.

This is not a healthy or sustainable way of relating to work. Why? Because work becomes a roller-coaster, ups and downs, highs and lows, because it is not possible for me to only do things ‘right’, to do the things solely in the way my superiors want it. Self-value, self-respect, motivation, determination, must thus be sourced from a different place – these cannot be words the I rely on my superiors to give to me – rather – I must be them myself – and stand unconditionally.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with either feelings of positiveness, when I feel that I have done something that will please my superior, or with emotions of negativity, when I experience that I have done something that will displease or aggravate my superior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become controlled by fear, and feelings of positiveness, to move myself utilizing these experiences as my motivation, my engine of driving myself forward, instead of sticking with what is practical, easy, what works, and what I can do with the time I have available – and measure my production, my results, not against what my superiors say, but rather against what I myself see for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with fear and desire – to believe, on a deep level within myself, that these are the key experiences that I require to make something out of myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how I have missed, and devalued, the point of expressing, moving, and creating for and as myself – where it is not about fear of feeling, but about self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete when I am at work, to define my successes, or failures, in relation to how I feel that I am competing against others, as to whether I am better than them, or whether I am less than them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that, I can express, move, and be just as effective, when I utilize self-movement, when I move myself physically, and it is not dependent upon someone say to, or telling me that I am better than, or less than anyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value in relation to how well my superiors react to me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression, my response at work to either fear or feeling, instead of simply seeing that my superiors is about him or her, and that I do not need to define myself according to this response, and that I can find my own principles, my own movement, my own direction within life, where it is not dependent upon what someone else things of me, and how someone else reacts to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud, happy, and content when I am selected to do something difficult, and then perceive that my value is higher, more than, better, than what it was before – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my value is the same, and that it does not physically change me that I was selected for this, and obviously it should not change me mentally either, because I am still the same, I am still moving myself, directing myself, within and as the same sort of considerations, it is still about me here – and my expression – and not about what someone else thinks about me and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that my value is my own to create – that my value is about the value that I give not the perceived value that I receive from my superiors – it is about who I am – what I contribute – that I can see and clarity for myself – that is real value – value that is not defined in the limited contexts of how others react or feel towards me depending on what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that it is not about what I do – it is about who I am within what I do – thus it does not matter what project I am selected to do – or who I work with – it is about all about who I am

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a positive experience of pride, feeling appreciated, good about myself, powerful, because I perceive a superior of mine as noticed me, and either commended me, or put me to work on something that I perceive as important, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – how this experience within me does not signify real value, expansion, movement, real worth and progress, it is an experience, something that arise because of a misaligned relationship, and I see that if I participate in it, I will create its opposite polarity; thus I commit myself to breathe – and to remind myself – I do this for and as myself – I determine my own success – my own movement – my own direction – I assess myself and where I am going – and for this – I do not need nor do I require my superiors assessment – I commit myself to take back my own direction through standing with and as myself and being own pillar of support

When and as I see myself going into a negative experience of sadness, self-judgment, self-hate, failure, and falling, because I perceive that a superior of mine as judged me, or disliked what I have done, I immediately stop myself, i take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is not about what my superior experiences – that who I am in relation to what I am doing is something that I determine – is something that I assess – and if I am satisfied with my expression – then I am satisfied – and if I am not – then I am not – and then I will push to improve – however – that has nothing to do with what my superior thinks, feels, or does; thus I commit myself to breathe deeply and release these emotions – and then for myself – look at my expression within what I am doing or have done – and see whether I am content or not – whether there is something I can learn or take with this or not

 


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Day 372: Changing The Dynamics of Work

Today I had an interesting experience coming up in relation to work – yet again it was the point of money and superiority rearing its head within me. This time the context was simplistically put as follows: Someone received positive recognition from the boss and it was not me – and it was surprising to see what kind of experiences that came up within me. In particular, I found it interesting to see how deeply I was moved, and what type of backchat that entered into my mind – such as for example: ‘I will not continue to do this work because I do not receive the recognition I deserve’ – ‘Have I done something wrong? Am I not doing my work properly?’.

I realized that these reactions were not really about my boss or my work, but revealed a more ingrained and deeper pattern/way of being that I had not yet explored – the tendency of mine to base WHO I AM on authorities. It is not the first time that I have given up the reigns of my life and handed them over to someone else, because I believed them to be more capable than me. It has happened with friends, family, colleagues and in other forms of social groups – I believe that someone is above me and then I give them complete power over me.

The relevant question to ask is why I do this, and also, what solutions are there that I am able to apply that will assist and support me to change this point.

The first question, why I do this, has a straightforward answer; it is because I do not trust or see myself as sufficiently valuable to stand as this point. I believe that I am not sufficient as a person to walk and decide upon my own way life – where I want to go – and what I want to do with myself – and that I need a plastic daddy at every corner.

The second question, what solutions there are for this point, here I see the following: Instead of doing things for me, or for a purpose/vision that I have created within self-awareness, I do things for my boss, to be appreciated, seen or recognized – the solution must hence be to create directive principle in relation to these parts of my life – and clearly place WHO I AM and WHY I AM doing what I am doing – and then to motivate myself utilizing my own self-created purpose/vision/direction. Hence – the word that must be redefined and lived is AUTHORITY.

Because it is clear that in order to live a fulfilling and expansive life, I must stand as the author-of-me. The direction of my life, who I am within it, why I do what I do, those are aspects of my life that I must decide upon. It cannot be left up to chance and hope – and it most definitely is not effective to hand-over my direction to someone I believe to be more capable than myself. That never works.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, whether I am successful or not, whether I am doing a good job or not, on whether I achieve acceptance from my superiors

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own acceptance/validation/satisfaction as not good enough, not sufficient, and it does not count when I am satisfied with something, because I require someone else, of a higher stature and position to tell me, that I am doing good, that I am needed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent upon someone else for me to go to my work and be motivated within what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change and alter – to become a different person when I am received differently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type and form of reception for me to be stable and to effectively walk my work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type of reception, and to be accommodated before I invest myself, before I commit, before I move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my superiors when I feel that I am not receiving enough recognition for the way that I am approaching and move to partake in work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work for ME – to not apply myself in work for ME – to not stand with me and assess myself and ask whether I am satisfied – whether I am content – and thus not make it dependent upon anyone else to give me recognition/approval

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will always place a limit on how far I am able to go – if I make myself dependent on someone else to recognize and approve me – that I will then wait – hold myself back – fear moving myself to my utmost ability – and push myself as far as I am able to go – because I am not certain as to whether I will receive a response from a superior – and thus fear that I will not get the recognition in turn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only commit myself in relation to something when I believe/feel/see it as likely that I will get something in return – such as appreciation/recognition from my boss – instead of doing something for and as myself – and thus for example – pursue work in such a way that I do it for me – that I challenge myself – that I push myself – that I commit myself to refine and further my skills in relation to work and that I do not do it to get someone’s liking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inflate myself with positive critique and motivate myself using positive words from others – not seeing, realizing and understand that I will through relying on positive critique, positive words, a positive response from others, set myself up for failure – because I will undoubtedly face the negative side – where I do not get positive critique, where I am ignored or reprimanded in some way – and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see the importance of remaining stable – steadfast – the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – having a clear and solid principle that I utilize to move myself forward with – not making it more or less than what it is

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself pumping myself up using positive critique, or encouragement from my superiors, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that in order to remain stable and steadfast at my work – in order to be consistent and move myself steadily forward – I cannot accept and allow myself to base my application on what people say or do not say about me – if I get positive or negative critique – rather such points can only ever be allowed to be points of cross-reference that I use in my movement-process – that I walk for and as myself; thus I commit myself to breathe through these positive experiences – to ground myself into and as my human physical body – and see the information as a cross-reference – to then assess it for and as myself – and see whether I am satisfied or there is something that I am able to improve – to thus be and stand as my own point of movement

I commit myself to be my own point of movement at work – by – assessing myself, my professional skills and development, to be honest with myself, and also, to push myself to excel, because I see that I am able to live and apply more – I am able to expand and move myself further – and because it is a natural things for me to expand and move myself further

When I receive negative criticism, or someone ignore me, give attention to another, or does not like what I have produced – and I become sad/demotivated/depressed – I stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing my inner self to be dependent on how others see me – that I limit my movement, my commitment, my drive, my motivation upon whether someone receives me the way I want it or not – hence – not seeing that my work is an extension of ME – and that it is thus not relevant what anyone else thinks or sees about me; thus I commit myself to BREATHE and to ground myself here and continue to move myself – in stability – forward – in my process of expansion and movement – to embrace the steady movement of myself – where I do not accept and allow the highs and lows of life to impact and affect me



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Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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Day 364: Developing Self-Reliance

The most recurring experience as of late has been fear – mostly fear of survival. I have been working diligently with the point and made some notable progress, there is however still a lot to be walked. One aspect of the fear that I have yet to transcend is that of fearing authorities and superiors that in some way have power to effect my ability to survive. Because they are able to influence, for example, my access to money, the fear seems to be justified and reasonable when it arise. Obviously, I am aware that this is not the case, though the fact that this experience exists within me does reveal an interesting point; that there exist a hope/desire to be taken care of and supported by authorities.

If a negative experience exists, which in this case is fear, then a positive experience will exist as well, and in this case that positive experience is security and feeling backed. Hence, for me, authorities have become a means of substantiating my own lack of self-reliance.

Apart from forgiving the fear, the solution I see is to develop self-reliance. For example, that could be done through pushing myself to take active responsibility for my work and career – and not in anyway accept and allow myself to rely upon my employer to secure my influx of money – but to make sure that I am a effective, that my skills are superior, that I am professional and able to offer a service that is needed. Thus I take charge of my own self-creation, planning and access to money, and remove the variable, of needing my employer to stand behind me as a point of security.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon my superiors and authorities to handle my life for me – and to blame them when things does not go the way I want – and to feel good and love them when things do go the way that I want – instead of placing reliance back where it belongs – with myself – and thus making sure that I do live in such a way where I direct my life – I create my life – and where it is not about relying on someone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being abandoned and judged by my superiors in fear of loosing my access to money and security, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am able to please my superiors, to feel secure, safe and well cared for – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within a polarity in relation to my superiors, and the system, where I on the one hand love it, and on the other, fear it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is to stand equal and one with and as the system, with and as my superiors, to understand that in order to be stable within me, I require to take full responsibility for myself, my future, and my direction, and my actions at work, and to make sure that I am walking and creating my life in such a way that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle my own survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the system to deal with and secure my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not strong enough, or developed enough, or ready yet to take responsibility for my survival – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a parent and someone to care for me in the system – to seek for someone to be there for me and show me the way – instead of me taking full responsibility for myself and the direction of and as my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as inferior to the system, inferior to my employer, inferior to survival, and thus believe that I cannot rely on myself, but that I need the system to stand beside me and support me – to be there as a father figure for me because I am not able to do it by myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing a real and sound reliance within myself – where I do not assume that things will work out and be alright – but where I take the appropriate actions to ensure that I move myself in a direction that is best for me and others in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system, my superiors, when things do not work out in relation to my survival, when I make mistakes, and fear arise, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I have created the pattern within me, that I have made the decisions and that it has nothing to do with the system, my superiors, my employers – in-fact it is a pattern I have developed where I fear taking active responsibility for myself – and I place my reliance out there into something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to care for me, to support me, to be there for me, and to make my life secure and easy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to make my life comfortable, to give my life direction, to move my life in the ‘right’ direction, to secure my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is in-fact a dead object – that it is not something that can save me and my future – that is something only I can do for myself – and thus fact is that money is a tool – something that I can use that support myself – however that support will only ever be as effective as I am within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to ensure my future, to rely on money to walk my process, to rely on money to take care of me, to rely on money to make things work for me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this belief that money will take care of everything – it is just that – a belief – and fact is that real security, real safety, real direction and care will only ever arise from my own decision and movement to stand as and live those words actively within and as my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into either a fear or desire towards money, within the context of the belief that money can care for me, money will solve all problems, money will support me, money will ensure security and safety, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is an illusion that I have created for myself – that in-fact money is only as effective as I am within myself – and that if I am not clear – stable and directive – then money will not support me – and thus I commit myself to take back directive principle – to take charge of myself and my life and actively move myself to care for myself, to solve problems, to support me and to develop security and stability in my life – as who I am – and more concretely – I commit myself to do that through continuously pursuing to make the best of my life – to look for and act on opportunities when they do arise – to push my writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and my in the moment correction – to develop a stability that stands through the difficult times

When and as I see myself going into either a positive or a negative experience in relation to an event to concerns my superior, as either feeling safe, secure and cared for, or feeling that my survival is threatened, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this polarity within me indicates that I have not yet developed self-reliance and self-standing within me – in particular in relation to survival and money – and that I still want someone to care for me – and thus I commit myself to stop – to breathe and bring me back here – and instead – in the moment – look at how I am able to improve, expand, develop myself and move – how I can learn from mistakes to become more efficient in survival and moving myself in my reality – and what I can further strengthen and improve that already works – to thus take active charge of my self-development and utilize my failures and successes to guide me forward and to improve myself

 


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Day 359: Work and Career, a Matter of Passion or Money?

Work, it should be fun, or should it only be a way to make money?

If we look back in history, the notions of loving work and following your passion (in relation to career) and finding your life purpose are modern inventions, concepts that have become marketed extensively with the raise of spiritualism. The spiritual teachings, which most of them are centered on attaining experiential freedom/joy/bliss, have for a long time been stipulating how important it is for us to follow our desires, especially when it comes to making an income for ourselves. However, there is a big problem in this way of viewing the world. Work, career, and physical labor, are physical conditions, physical experiences, for which you require certain physical prerequisites to complete and be a part of, such as for example being endowed with a particular body type, or having access to certain tools, or having a certain nimbleness to your mind. Different type of jobs and careers have different requirements, though, this is not considered or looked at when the spiritual approach is utilized.

The spiritual outlook hones into how we FEEL about a certain work or career, and it does not take into consideration the PHYSICAL. This creates many problems, one of them being the mindset of ‘not knowing what to do with one’s life’ that is becoming increasingly common in young people. It is not rare for the modern youth to wait until they are 30 or 35 before they decide on a direction for themselves when it comes to money and survival. If we look back a 100 years ago, that was very unusual. Obviously, back then, we did not have as much personal freedom, or as many opportunities and choices as we do now, and that must play a part in why many young people today experience it more difficult to make a decision for themselves on what they are to do with their life. AND, what exists today, that did not exist a hundred years ago, is the idea that we are supposed to pick a career based on how we feel.

Back in the days it was normal to take on the craft of your father. Probably not because the youths found it particularly enjoyable, but because it was practical and ensured their survival. Deciding on your future was a lot more SIMPLE, because there was no abstract and vaguely defined concepts, such as ‘following your passion’ in the way of making a solid, grounded and practical decision.

Hence, if we look at career and work, and making a decision with regards to these points, what is of PRIMARY importance is that the decision is PRACTICAL. Why? Because we live in a practical world. We do not exist in a spiritual world and thus it does not make sense to base decisions that will be experienced in a physical world on spiritual ideas and concepts. Doing that would be similar to trying to answer your exam in physics using religious discourse. Hence, PRACTICALITY, that must be the overarching principle that our decision is based upon, because if it is not practical, then it will not work or it will work poorly – simple as that.

And in the context of career and work, what would constitute a practical decision? One important aspect is COMPATIBILITY = We must be able to physically handle and direct the responsibilities involved with the profession we decide upon. A tailor must be able measure, know basic math, follow schematics and preferably have well developed ability of using the mind to look at geometrical structures, shapes and forms, and look at what steps must be taken to achieve such shapes in the physical. Further, it would not hurt if the tailor also have a stylistic sense and artistic talent, so that he or she can see what colors, fabrics and shapes fits to a particular persons bodily design. If those prerequisites does not exist in the person that strives to become a tailor, that person will with certainty face notable inner conflicts in developing those skills, or fail in the profession of tailoring. Hence, for a person that do not possess such skills – it is NOT practical to decide to become a tailor.

Another important aspect is MONEY. It cannot be debated that we live in a world where life is at the behest of money. Our survival, and access to creature comforts such as clothes, shelter and food, they are all dependent on MONEY. Hence, it is PRACTICAL that our career is a way in which we are able to make MONEY – and depending on our preferences with money – more or less money – however we must be able to sustain ourselves. If it is not possible to earn money on the career we want to pick – it is NOT practical. I have seen many that pursue the profession of their dreams and sacrifice access to comfortable living conditions in order to do it. Though that is not practical, it is not what is best, because in order to live effectively and support ourselves and our bodies, we must have access to comfortable and dignified living conditions.

It is first when the career we are looking deciding upon have passed this test of practicality that we can look at if we LIKE or ENJOY the profession in question. And yes, this is obviously not preferable, but in a world where our survival is linked to access to money, where we must make sacrifices to live effectively, it is the way in which we must look at work. Many times, the aspect of enjoying a profession is a plus on the side, something that might be there, or it might not – if it is – then cool – though if it is not – it is not alone of such weight that we should change the direction of our career.

Looking at money and career from this PRACTICAL perspective makes things SO MUCH easier. Because then we do not glorify career and work, we do not believe or see it as a way of living and expressing our passions, our pure and unconditional joy – it is instead a way to survive – and that is it. We stop trying to chase an idea, get back to reality, and make our decisions according to what is here – hence – no inner conflict – because we stand EQUAL and ONE with what is HERE as this physical reality as how it currently functions and operates.

Lastly, I want to point out that, even though our decision when it comes to career and money must be primarily based on what is practical – it does not mean that we are not able to expand and develop ourselves within our profession. And further, it does not mean that must make work about survival – as we are able to stick with our ideas as to what we want to do and create – and slowly incorporate it into our career and move ourselves into a direction where we see we are able to express an ENJOYMENT in our work – without compromising the PRACTICALITY of our lives. It is all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – and if we want to – we can expand, push and move ourselves, regardless of our position in this world.


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