This week I have been focusing on pushing through points of laziness/apathy in a particular set of situations – more specifically when I am asked to do something in a moment when I am not prepared to do it, or when I am busy and feel like I am interrupted. In such moments I have a tendency to react in resistance and exclaim that I do not have time, that I am busy with something else, or that I am too tired.
Pushing through these moments of resistance is a matter of real-time action – the moment when I get the question – that is when I have to be ready to move. It is not something that can be thought-up – I have to push and live the change physically in that moment. And for me – a big point of motivation has been that I do want to be of help and assistance to my family – and I want to be a part of creating a supportive environment that is best for all. And obviously – I would have wanted that another helped me if I asked – and thus I see it as common sense that I do what would I have wanted for others as well.
The challenge has been to physically push through – because that requires firm decisive action – and it requires giving up my self-interest – which is the hard part. Because it might sound rewarding, joyous and fulfilling to care for, tend to, and treat others the way you would like to be treated – however – it oftentimes means that you put your own needs last. It definitely requires discipline – and my modus operandi thus far is to simply do what I want to do – which in many cases is to not help out. The moments when I am successful and I manage to push – usually it is because I do not give myself the time to ‘feel’ whether I want to help out or not – I simply do it – I act in the moment without making it more or less.
I suspect that part of the reason as to why I sometimes react to being asked if I can help out or be of assistance is because these aspects of life were pretty traumatic in my childhood. Firstly – household tasks and responsibilities was by my parents on a overall basis approached with anger, irritation, frustration, stress and anxiety. It was never seen as enjoyable to clean or do some other chore – and the results were inspected with a detailed focus on potential mistakes. Thus when I was approached by my parents to assist and support with something in the household, it was usually done from a starting point of anger and blame – where I was accused of not helping sufficiently in the household and that I had to do more. Unfortunately this have caused me to develop resistance towards helping out especially in the household and helping out in general – and I am pretty sure I am not alone with having such experiences.
Part of the solution that I see is thus to change my relationship with cleaning, household chores, helping out and being of assistance – and instead of associating it with negative experiences – see, realize and understand that these points are actually of great support – and that I can approach them with gratefulness. For example – cleaning – instead of becoming stressed by it and feeling as if it is a waste of time – I can utilize it as a moment of interacting/checking up on all the various parts of my house. I approach cleaning my car similarly. It is an opportunity for me to show appreciation for the support my car provides – and also to tend to it properly and make sure it is supported in the best way.
Thus – moving back to the original problem – which is to push through points of laziness/apathy in a particular set of situation. I see, realize and understand that a solution is to place my focus and attention on the positive and beneficial outflows that I will create by pushing through – and understanding that by moving through my resistance – I will assist and support with bringing through a environment that is best for all – and hence – best for me as well. As such – I will not place attention on the emotions – rather I release them with a quick self-forgiveness statement – and then place my focus on CREATING an environment and life that is BEST – which among other things is done by assisting and supporting in taking care of household tasks – and in general – helping out when such is required. And here also understanding that when I do push myself to help out and assist and support – this will in turn impact me positively – because if my environment is healthy – then I am healthy.
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