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Day 51: How I’d Like To Be Assisted

Today I am going to look closer at the point of how I’d like to be assisted, and this is so I can more effectively specify the assistance and support that I give to others, so that it’s effective, and in-fact supportive.

So, how is it that I’d like to be assisted?

help-desk-servicesWhat I can see is that I’d like to be assisted without it being about right or wrong – meaning – that I don’t want any form of judgment involved when I am assisted; I would like the other person to clearly, and effectively show me the point – and within this also share with me what it is that I am not applying effectively – and that this is done without any form of energy – and without any judgment of right and wrong.

Another thing that I’d like another to do is to be stable, and calm – and speak with a stable tone of voice – meaning that the other person do not react. I mean – I know from my own experience in life that when someone tries to “assist” me to change through being angry, or resentful – that only cause me to go into resistance, and fear – and then I am not able to actually hear what the other person is telling me because I am too busy surviving; so this is something that I must take into consideration – to not speak, and “assist” from a starting point of reaction – I mean really that is one of the primary points.

I would also like the other person to stand in my shoes so to speak, meaning that he, or she consider where I am within my process, or in relation to the point I am walking; so that the other person do not try to assist me to learn, and comprehend things that are far beyond my ability. I mean – I would like to be assisted, and supported at the level where I am at – because that would obviously be the most beneficial for me; then I would be able to relate to, and apply the information in my world.

So, I like when another “understands” me so to speak – and that the other person do not “assist” me from a starting point of expectation as “you should be able to do this by now!” – but that the other person is instead standing with me, seeing who I am within the point without any reaction – and assisting, and supporting me with gentleness, and stability to move forward on the point.

Another point that I see is important is that if another assists me, I want it to empower me – and not merely help me. I don’t want to become a charity-victim, but instead I want to be given the actual skills, know-how, and expertise to be able to empower myself to deal with my issues myself; thus – I don’t want a guru to follow around to show me how to be “right” – I want to be assisted to deal with points on my own – and thus become self-empowered.

I also want to have breathing-space – meaning that – I don’t want to be assisted and support all the time – I mean – once and a while it’s cool – but then I need sometime to melt the information, and to try it out in my own world – and walk the point; and when I am assisted all the time, constantly, I never get this breathing space to be here with me and walk the suggestions, and the support given to me in my own life.

Thus – this is how I’d like to be assisted – and accordingly this is how I will practice, and in time perfect as my application of how I assist others – oneness and equality in practical application; give as you’d like to receive.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I assist, and support another – do so from the perspective of giving as I’d like to receive – and thus ask myself how it is that I’d myself like to be assisted, and supported – and within this align to support others in such a way that is effective, and have a outflow that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I speak, and share myself with others from a starting point of assisting and supporting them – to do so within considering where the other being is in their process, and considering how I am able to speak, and place my words in such a way that will be supportive, and assisting for the other being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be specific with my words, and my behavior when I assist, and support another – and to set myself up in such a way in word, and behavior – that I make it easy, and effective for the other being to take in the information I am sharing, to understand the information, and then to apply the information in his/her world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I assist, and support others – be hard, and ruthless – and not consider another as I’d myself like to be considered – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply gentleness, and stability when I assist, and support another – and be patient with another, and not react even though the other “doesn’t get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire when I assist, and support another – that they are too immediately understand and apply the point I am explaining – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become restless, and frustrated when the other person “doesn’t seem to get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire others to feel assisted, and supported when I speak with them – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead focus upon actual assistance and support, that is not a feeling, or experience, but that is a actual physical action – as giving to another as I’d like to receive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as a weakness to consider another, and think that it’s more effective to be brutal, and ruthless – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the principle of give as you’d like to receive; because within doing this it’s obvious that it’s not the most effective to be brutal, and ruthless – but instead being gentle, patient, and forthcoming is effective – and that is what I’d want from another

Self-commitments

When and as I am assisting and supporting another, and I see that I am doing this automatically, and without tuning my behavior in such a way that makes for a supportive outcome in the moment; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s obviously important to consider others – because unless I do I won’t be able to share my realizations with anyone – because I will not in-fact stand one and equal and be able to talk, and share myself with another directly; as such I commit myself walk the point of give as I’d like to receive when it is that I assist and support another

When and as I am speaking with another, and I see that I am speaking from a starting of “I am sharing myself so you better listen” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is not a supportive starting point to use when assisting and supporting another, because one only considers self, and not where the other being is; as such I commit myself to see, and consider the other being – and place my words in such a way that I actually support self-realization, and self-empowerment, and that I don’t have a self-interested agenda that “this is how I speak”

When and as I am assisting, and supporting another – and I notice I am not specific in my words, and behavior – and that I am instead only “going for it” without actually being stable, and clear upon what I am doing; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that importance of being specific in my words, in my behavior, in my use of tonality, in my use of facial expressions – I mean everything has an impact on the other being – and as such it’s important to align these aspects to what it is that I am doing – which is assisting and supporting another; as such I commit myself to be aware of how I impact another with my behavior, words, tonalities – and to align my expression in such a way that I support other being to become self-empowered, and self-realized

When and as I see that I am reacting to another because they don’t “get it” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I mean – I see that it’s completely unnecessary to react to this point, because it’s not like someone doesn’t understand me deliberately, and that it will help for me to become impatient, and angry – I mean because the other being will still not understand – maybe even understand even less because now I am not clear in my expression and not able to convey the point anymore; as such I commit myself to be patient, stable, and calm when I explain points – and to not react when another doesn’t understand – but simply align my words, and my expression in such a way that I support self-empowerment, and self-realization

When and as I react in anger, and frustration, feeling, and experiencing that another should immediately understand what I am saying, and being applying the information – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that I mean – obviously everyone learns at different paces and me becoming angry, or frustrated won’t change that – I mean it’s like becoming angry at a rock for the rock being a rock – it’s ridiculous and unnecessary – as such I commit myself to be calm, patient, stable, and focus my attention on breathing effectively – and walk the necessary timeline with another to bring forth a understanding – and not to judge when this timeline extends and becomes longer than “normal”

When and as I see that I am becoming focused upon wanting others to feel that I am good at assisting, and supporting – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point is in-fact making me loose focus, and attention on the point of actually assisting and supporting another – and so it all becomes about ego instead of in-fact bringing forth life; as such I commit myself to remain here with the physical and walk the point of assisting, and supporting another physically here without any point of ego disturbing me

When and as I see that I am being brutal, and ruthless with another, and that I am justifying this thinking that “this is the only way another can understand” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that the use of anger, brutality, and ruthlessness as a way to teach, and educate has proven itself extremely ineffective through the course of human history – resulting in human beings that are living in fear of punishment and that have no individual understanding, and motivation, and critical thinking skills – they are in essence slaves without a form of self existing; as such I commit myself to understand that the only way to effectively assist, and support another is through considering, and seeing them within oneness and equality – as such I commit myself to be gentle, patient, forthcoming, perceptive, and receptive – and allow myself to walk the process of assisting and supporting another without stress, without being driven to have a result – but walk breath by breath here

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Day 5: Slow Down Man

For some weeks now I’ve been practicing some pieces on the guitar that are particularly difficult – for example: one song that I am practicing is made by Jimi Hendrix – and as most know – he was a very technically distinguished guitar-player – and as such it’s been hard for me to imitate and learn the particular playing techniques.

Though, in walking this process of learning some difficult songs I’ve realized one important point – that I’ve seen is a key in terms of really being able to learn a difficult song – and play it without mistakes and with the same technical mastery as it’s original creator – and this one point is – take it slow.

So – when I am learning a song I am pushing myself to practice, and rehearse the particular section of the song, the particular notes that I am to play – very slow – and in this I am allowing my fingers to become comfortable with the particular technique, and way of playing – and then slowly I am increasing the speed – and putting more effort into practicing the parts that I find especially difficult – slowly but surely building a physical comfortableness towards being able to play the song – fast – and accurate – and at the same time effortless.

Within doing this I’ve made some interesting observations about myself, and about how process functions – and is to be walked. What I’ve seen in terms of myself is that – I’ve had a tendency through out my life to walk points FAST – walk them NOW – get them DONE – here – okay done! Next point! And within this I’ve not allowed myself to learn a particular skill solidly – in really cementing that particular skill in the very cells of my physical body – I’ve not allowed myself to build a steady foundation before I move unto the more advanced stuff.

For example – I could see that how I’ve not done this in relation to my guitar-playing – and accordingly my guitar-playing is generally filled with many small technical mistakes – when I play fast on the guitar I tend to miss notes, and I miss strings with my plectrum – or I hit a wrong note – and that is because I’ve not slowly, but surely practiced my speed – and made sure that I have a solid foundation of having a effective technique on the guitar – before I move on to play faster on the guitar.

Now – in terms of process – I can see how the exact same principle applies here as with the guitar playing – and how I’ve done the exact same thing in relation to process that I’ve done in relation to my guitar playing. Process is best walked SLOWLY wherein – I allow myself to build a foundation, and slowly but surely accumulate knowledge – understanding insight – and how I then form a foundation – and I begin to practice this knowledge in practical living – doing it slowly – being specific – noticing where my technique is not perfect – and then going back to re-establish my foundation – and then slowly but surely perfect my technique.

As a practical example – I notice that I react in fear when I meet a certain individual in my world – I mean – then the slow approach would be to first sit down and write about the point – not react in judgment towards the point – not feel that I “have the correct the point now!” – but instead taking my time in accumulating my understanding, and insight in relation to the point – then – when I have all the information – I apply self-forgiveness – and commitments – and then I walk the correction – and I observe my application – and if there are still reactions – I go back to the drawing board – and I yet again sit down to investigate how it is that I am still holding unto some part of the mind – the key here being to let the process of stopping a particular pattern take the time it requires – to not try to force it – but to walk it through from the foundation – to perfecting my application – and doing that in such a way that I really do get to a state of being perfect in my application.

So – looking at it like this – the process of learning to play guitar – and becoming a excellent guitar player – is the same process as learning to live – and becoming a living expression – as a living and breathing human-being here – what’s important is to walk it slowly – and get the foundation built meticulously and with specificity – and then when the basics are settled – to then start to move myself into the more advanced stuff.

This entire point of taking it slow – and taking my time – and being patient – and walking every moment – this is something that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to give to myself in my process – or in my life in general – instead my life has been like a fucking race to try to get somewhere – and within this I’ve compromised myself – because I’ve not allowed myself to develop a effective foundation – and get to perfect the basics – before I set myself to perfect the advanced.

In looking at where this comes from – I can see that I’ve through-out my life always strived to be the best – and feel like I am the best – and as such I’ve never wanted to settle with only knowing the basics – because I’ve wanted to immediately become more – and get to that place – get ahead – and become more advanced – what I didn’t see was how this type of mentality and attitude really in-fact backfires – because sure – you’ll be able to do the advanced stuff – yet it won’t be particularly good – it won’t be particularly effective – and there will really be more mistakes done – than things being done correctly.

Thus – what I am going to practice giving to myself – and living in my life is – to take things slow – and to walk the basics – and to not stress – force points – and this applies not only to my process – but to everything in my life – from my studies – my guitar playing – in essence any form of process that I am walking wherein I am building a skill – this is where I must take into consideration the fact that I can only go to the advanced – when I’ve a effective understanding of the basics – of the very plain and rudimentary points within the skill that I’ve set myself to learn.

Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress, and attempt, and try to force myself to get ahead – and to develop new skills – and to move faster – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand – that I will move faster – in moving slower – that I will learn and become more effective – when I accept and allow myself to take my time and develop the basics – the very foundation upon which I am going to stand in terms of developing the more advanced aspects of the point that I am walking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to achieve, to learn fast, and to become the best – and the ultimate – as fast as possible – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand how this type of desire, and want is really ego – and how it’s not resulting in my actually moving myself forward – and expanding myself – but is more resulting in my time-looping – and developing a seemingly advanced expression – but it’s really just a paper-tiger – that can be washed away in one moment – because I haven’t established a effective and sound foundation in terms of what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice walking slowly – walking with patience – being specific and precise – and developing the basics and the foundation with meticulous attention to the details – in accepting allowing myself – to take each point that I am walking to perfection – taking it slowly but surely to perfection – seeing that there is no reason to stress – or try to force a faster movement – because it won’t result in me becoming better anyway – it will only result in me accumulating my own fall at a later stage – wherein I will fall down and crumble because I didn’t effectively establish a sound foundation – and get to develop the basics effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the reasons as to why this world is fucked up – and why there are so many accidents – why there are so many failed human-beings – is because the education system – and the labor system – is set up around money – wherein money demands that the human being moves pressured by time – to produce a particular result during this time – not taking into consideration that a skill can’t develop by a expectation in relation to time – but must develop organically – and in relation to my movement with and as my human physical body – which is not something that can be determined in hours, or minutes – but is something that develops HERE – in the time it takes – which might be a year – or simply some days

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself on a breath, by breath basis – in accepting and allowing myself to not move – and force myself according to time – but to instead move myself with and as my human physical body – in taking into consideration where my human physical is in this breath – and where I am within this breath – and looking at the actuality of what is here – not looking at where I apparently should be – as a expectation formulated by the idea that I should move a particular distance in a particular amount of time – and then trying to enforce this idea through moving myself in hastiness and stress – instead of taking my time – being patient – and moving myself with and as my human physical body here

Self-commitments
When and as I see that am forcing movement – that I am trying to move myself beyond my capabilities without first establish a effective foundation, and learning – mastering the basics – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I require to master – and get effective within the basics – the elementary – before I move unto more advanced stuff – else the advanced stuff will be crap – because I can’t handle the point; as such I commit myself to be patient with myself – to move myself in equilibrium with and as my capacity in seeing what I am able to handle – and then pushing myself gently forward – in making sure that I get all the points effectively down – before I move to the next point

When and as I seeing that I am forcing myself from a starting point of thinking that “I want to get there! I want to be the best and not only average!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that I will only ever be able to truly master a point when I allow myself to take it slow – and to walk and perfect the basics – and the naturally develop the advanced stuff – and within this I also see that there is nothing to gain in being the “best” – it’s only an idea that I’ve accumulated and defined myself in relation to – and not something that is actually real; as such I commit myself to slow down – and to see that when I walk it slow – I really in-fact walk it fast – because I won’t have to back when I am at the advanced stuff – and re-build my foundation – because I got the points down during the time I walked through them – because I gave myself the necessary time

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Learning By Doing

Today I’ve been out driving my car for most of the day. I’m practicing for a driving test that I must do in order to attain a taxi-driver’s license which I dearly want to have. So I am out driving at least every weekend.

Anyway, I wanted to share a cool point that I’ve realized in regards to learning new things, because that is what I am doing as I drive around. I learn new traffic rules, I learn to maneuver the car more smoothly, I learn to deal with new and difficult traffic situations with ease and confidence, and in essence I learn to become a more effective driver.

And what I’ve understood in terms of learning these new things is that it can’t be forced. I can’t force myself to learn new things through thinking about each mistake, or fault that I do. Actually – the more I think the slower I learn, and the more mistakes I make.

It’s fascinating – but the less I think, the more I learn. The less I talk in my head about knowledge and right and wrong, the more confident I become at handling the car. The less time I spend in my head, the more time I spend in the physical, and to drive a car is a physical action, so maybe it isn’t that strange after all, that learning becomes so much more effective when I stop thinking.

It’s interesting that you’re taught in school to learn just the other way around. There you’re shown that thoughts must be used, thinking must be applied, mistakes must be brought up and focused upon, and what is right is important, and what is wrong is important. So instead of physically, and actually learning things, one spend the most time worrying about right and wrong, what is correct and what is a mistake. Because of that learning becomes so slow, and tedious, and boring, as you don’t actually place your time into learning in the physical (where living takes place) but instead into worrying and thinking.

Thus, now when I’m out driving my focus lies upon having fun. I apply the rules that define what correct driving is; yet I’m not hard upon myself if I miss something. I don’t go back to the situation to think about what I made wrong, and what I’ve could’ve done better – I instead focus upon the next moment that is ahead of me and yet again I apply myself. Moving myself forward instead of looking back – not defining myself according to failures but instead proving that I am able to succeed and effectively learn to drive my car.

And when I move in this flow of breath, being present in each moment as it arrives, learning is much more effective, and my driving is much more smooth and confident.

A conclusion would then be that, no matter how beneficial we think it is to spend time in our mind, pondering mistakes of the past, and what we should do correctly and differently in the future, this doesn’t help us to learn how to in-fact live more effectively. Because in order to live you must actually spend time here in the physical and that can’t be done when you’re in your mind thinking about what you did wrong, or correct for that matter.

So, instead of holding unto a mistake, you simply see the mistake, and then move on, better prepared to make it right the next time around, without having to think a single thought.

And so instead of expecting ourselves to become good at something right away, we accumulate ourselves to perfection, slowly but surely, without becoming infested with the self-judgment of right and wrong, as thinking. Moving ourselves forward, letting our mistakes go, yet determined to accumulate ourselves into and as self-perfection, but still having fun at the same time!