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Day 254: Stealing My Time

man wearing a black cloth and a animal skullIn the recent interviews with Anu on Eqafe, the point of how much time we spend on the problems we face inside of ourselves, compared with the time we spend on establishing and living a solution within ourselves is discussed. You can download and listen to the interview HERE.

Today I faced a point within myself where this ratio of focusing on the problem, vis-à-vis focusing on the solutions, stood out clearly to me. Now, the point I was facing was in relation to time – and it is a reaction that I have been working with for some time now.

It played out as follows: I was sitting at home, and had planned to dedicate my day to studies. When I had studied for some hours my grandfather comes through the door and asks me whether I am able to follow with him to the ATM, and help him take out money. I realized that this point requires priority, and so I re-structured my plans, and decided to help him. Now, after I did that, I had a line of backchat repeat in my mind like a broken record: ‘I can’t get any peace to focus on my studies’ – and as I walked with my grandfather, and helped him, I experienced a resistance, an irritation, because I felt as if my time was being taken from me – and I wasn’t getting to that which I’d planned to do.

So, I was in this state of reaction when going with my grandfather to take out his money, which obviously wasn’t cool. And it was HERE that I see that could’ve immediately changed, and looked at what solutions there were available to me; what could I’ve applied in that moment to get out of the experience? And I can see it clearly before myself now – the solution would’ve been to talk with him, and genuinely share a moment with him, interact with him, and tend to my relationship with him.

Though, unfortunately I didn’t do that, and instead I remained within this state of feeling unjustly robbed of my ‘time’ – and the fascinating thing is that: I mostly, almost always, have more than enough time left to finish up my studies, even though I have helped, or spent time with others throughout my day. So, this stress that I experienced, that I might be losing out on my opportunity to effectively dedicate myself to my studies, it’s not real, it’s not a actual point of concern.

Thus, what happens is that I sabotage a moment of real interaction with another, because I believe that I am lacking time, not being HERE in TIME with another, but instead in my mind. And that is really the definition of wasting time, because then I am not being here with my physical, and the other person, when I am moving away from my plans to take care of a point that has opened up – and this is not effective at all.

So, in this blog I am going to focus my self-forgiveness, and my self-commitment statements on this particular issue of not being generous with my time, as well as the point of implementing, and focusing on the solutions in a moment, and not the problems.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as the time-miser construct – where I will be fearful of giving anyone time, thinking that my time is precious, and that I can’t waste a single minute of my time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this time-miser character mostly comes up when I am working, or when I have to do something in relation to my studies – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in those moments, see that I have to push myself through my resistance, and fear of giving my time, because this fear that I experience, it doesn’t make any sense what-so-ever – and is in-fact only a illusion that I create and sustain through participating within and as stress energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in moments when someone comes and asks me for a favor, and I feel that I can’t give off my time, that I will somehow implode and loose myself, if I was to give of my time in that moment – that it’s then and there I have to push myself to look at the point in common sense – and self-honestly assess whether or whether not I do in-fact have the time required to be with another – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this not take into account that I have a tendency to stress myself and in that make calculations in relation to time faulty – where I will believe that I lack time – when in-fact I have plenty of time – it’s just that when I exist in this stressed out state I am not able to see that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as stress when I approach my studies, and generate this stress energy through thinking about how much I should accomplish in a certain amount of time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am within thinking about what I should do, and the pace in which I should do it, creating expectations on myself, that I then feel forced, and pressured into following, instead of accepting and allowing myself to approach the project of doing, and completing something, within being unconditional, and being relaxed within and as my human physical body – also within this seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t have to run – and fight – and struggle my way through life – and that I can instead assist, and support myself to walk through life within enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as stress when I assess my time, and how I should utilize my time to its utmost potential, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationship with others, and force my life forward, because I feel as if I am not moving according to the expectations I have created in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and move myself forward in the pace of breathing – in the pace of doing things HERE in the physical – and seeing, realizing and understand that I don’t need this experience of stress within me, in order to see what must be done, and then do it – and that I can enjoy life as I move through and deal with the various tasks that are before me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationship with my grandfather through participating within and as stress, and through this, resulting in me feeling that I don’t have sufficient with time to give to another, and that I can’t be generous with my time, and that I must basically, protect my time from another, to make sure that I have as much time as is possible, so that I can ensure my survival – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as this starting point of fear of survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to protect my time, and be watchful that no one steals my time, or thwarts the plans that I have made for my day, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am within approaching my life in this way creating unnecessary conflict within myself, because I don’t have to be overprotective with my time, most often I actually do have enough time to assist and support another, as well as getting the things done, that I see I require to get done during my day, and I see, realize and understand that instead of reacting within an emotion of fear, and anxiety, I can instead look at the point within common sense, and see whether I can fit this particular point into my day, or not, without compromising my responsibilities and commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that most of the times, it actually assists and supports me to take a break from my set routine, and go and do something different, such as helping out another person that is in need, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to balance my day with different activities, and different points, I am actually becoming more effective, and specific within the activities that I have decided to take on and walk

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of anxiety, and stress, when someone asks me if I can do something for them, help them with something, and this points then messes with my schedule, and my plans, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching time doesn’t make any sense, because I am not actually looking at the point within myself, instead am I am reacting, and creating experiences from within this reaction, instead of clarifying within myself whether I can actually do what is asked of me or not – and thus I commit myself to take the suggestion within me, look at the practical timeline of my day within stability, and from that starting point make a decision as to whether I am able to commit to the point or not

When and as I see myself reacting in stress towards time, and I go into an experience of feeling uneasy, and I start making plans within my mind to save time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this starting point of trying to save time from within and as a experience of stress, it doesn’t assist and support me to make practical, and grounded decisions in relation to stress, it only supports me to make hasty, and rushed decisions, where I try to escape an experience within me, and within that I miss what is actually here, and the practical considerations that I have take inside of me in order to make an effective decision in my life – thus I commit myself to slow down within myself, using my breath, stabilizing and grounding myself in my physical body, and then proceed to look at the practical aspects of the time during my day, and plan it according to the actual timeline and time movement of my day – not according to how I feel about the time I have at my disposal

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Day 191: A New Way of Doing Things

Recently I’ve been working with a state of fear that I go into quite often – most of the times I will enter into it in the morning – and then not be able to get out of it until nighttime. This is most definitely one of those points that I see I must change – and that I want to change – but that I’ve not been able to push through – and within that get to a conclusion and condition of real lasting change and transformation.

Though – today as I listened to interview called: “Insecurity: Quantum Levels – Atlanteans – Part 253” – I came to understand that one of the reasons as to why this point has felt so difficult and overbearing is because of how I’ve approached. Before I’ve immediately as the fear came up within me gone into a ‘breath through the experience’-application – wherein I’ve then pushed and willed myself to remain with my breath to get through the energy – but this have tended to exacerbate the fear-experience and placed me even further into a state of physical discomfort and energetic possession.

So, when I today listened to this interview, I realized what I’d been doing and why it’s been difficult – because in my application of ‘pushing through’ I’ve actually feed the experience through giving it attention – and by reacting to the experience as it being difficult and overbearing – thus making it bigger and more than it actually is.

I now see that I’ve to take a different approach to this reaction – and not proceed towards the experience in a state of ‘fight’ and ‘push’ mode – instead I have to be more gentle – and when I go into this point – rather place my focus and attention on what I am doing here – and let the experience come up and release – thus I will not anymore go into this state of ‘having to fix and direct’ the experience – but rather see it come up within me – then shift my attention to what I am doing HERE physically and not make the fear my focal point – rather I place the emphasis on what I’m involved with here – what project I am currently walking – what there is I must take into account in directing my physical world here – and so on.

What can be learned from this is thus that ‘pushing hard’ isn’t necessarily the solution to everything that comes up within – sometimes another type and form application is required to bring about change – it’s thus important to remain open and look for different solutions and ways of going directing one’s inner world – so that one doesn’t get stuck in this one type and form of hard-ass pushing forward application – because that will not produce effective results.

Day 136: Investigate Everything

Today I was researching some information on the web and there were some statements which validity I doubted. Though, the problem was that I couldn’t really assess whether the information was valid or not, or at least this is what I thought.

So, as I was reading this information, and within me starting the process of assessing and discerning it, I went into a state of conflict and fear – and the origin of the fear was the fear of making a mistake, of assessing the information wrongly, and fear of not knowing, and not having a sufficiently deep, and intricate comprehension of the point, and that I would as such make an assessment that was wrong.

On top of this, I also see that the conflict the emerged within me also had a morality attached to it – because the nature of my assessment of the information was within the context of ‘is this right, or is this wrong?’ – and thus within that I separated myself from the information, and instead of seeing the information, and the words, as a part of myself, I saw it as an intruder, that I must be very careful with, because if I accept it into me, and if I accept and allow myself to consider it unconditionally, then it might infest me, and then I might end up on the side of those being ‘wrong’.

Thus, within this I can see the fascinating pattern of black and white, right and wrong, correct or incorrect – my tendency of wanting to simplify what’s going on in this world, and the information that is available, to whether it’s right, or wrong – instead of accepting and allowing myself to realize that with many, many points in this world, there is no such simple conclusion to make as to whether it’s right, or wrong, because it can be multifaceted and multidimensional, and even though I might at first glance term the point ‘wrong’ – at a nearer investigation it might actually contain useful, effective, and supportive points that I can use and apply in my life.

This all then comes back to the statement of ‘Investigate everything and keep that which is good’ – or rather ‘keep that which is practical and makes sense’ – and I see how this statement can be lived and applied in all areas of my life; because regardless of what point I participate within – there is always something about that point within which I am able to expand, learn, and develop myself; such as for example the school subject jurisprudence – that I at first found seriously boring – though embracing and immersing myself in this subject is actually a opportunity for me to develop self-discipline, and the strength to walk through challenges, and situations in which I am not motivated by an energy of feeling intrigued or fascinated, and wherein I as such have to motivate and move myself by and through making a decision, and living that decision.

Thus, the lesson to be learned is that, nothing and no one in this world should be judged and brushed of as ‘not relevant’ – because really – that is making oneself miss out on opportunities of self-expansion and learning – rather everything should be investigated, and understood – so what is useful and practical can be siphoned and put into practice.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I am assessing and discerning information that comes into my world, in fearing that I will make a wrong assessment, and in fearing that the information is not correct, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and resist considering information unconditionally and without any form of inner protection mechanism, but that I instead take the information in, and look at it unconditionally, and from there decide upon whether it’s useful for me, useful in the process of what is best for all, or whether it’s not relevant at this stage, and not needed in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and information, and fight information, within and as the fear of becoming possessed with the information, and within and as the fear of becoming manipulated, deceived, or loosing my ground, and standing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching information unconditionally, to fear immersing myself in information, and investigating information without any judgment, or preconceived notion – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, that I will not loose myself in the information when and as I accept and allow it into me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t be harmed by accepting and allowing myself to unconditionally consider, assess, and discern information, and take information into me, and look at it without any form of judgment, idea, or definition, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach all points in my world within and as the same state of being, as accepting and allowing myself to investigate unconditionally, to explore it unconditionally, to research it unconditionally, to question it, and challenge it unconditionally, and as such not accept and allow myself to make any presuppositions about the point even though I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to walk through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to presuppositions, and presumptions, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approaching a point, and immersing myself in a point, without having some form of judgment, or energy within me, through which I can define my relationship to the particular point that I am facing – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how really, there is nothing to fear, and that the worst that can happen is that take on information that isn’t effective, yet obviously, this will be something that I notice as I apply the information for myself, and at that point I can simply make the necessary alignments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to use all aspects, and dimensions of my world to explore, empower, and expand myself, and that in all and every activity, challenge, and event, there is something for me to apply, and something for me to realize – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that for example, in regards to studying subjects that I find tedious, boring, and meaningless, that here I can practice living the words of self-motivation, determination, and within that practicing pushing myself to study and learn the subject effectively and specifically, even though I am not fueled by any form of energy to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I judge a point that comes into my world, and immediately reject it without any investigation, or research, then this indicates that I am using my mind in order to avoid having to face, and develop, and correct a particular part of myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to realize that it’s not my world that is at fault when I experience resistance, or discontent, but that it’s rather myself, and that it’s as such my own starting point, and my own relationship to the point that I must investigate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach information, events, situations, and challenges from a starting point of right or wrong, wherein I want to discern the point as either being correct, and incorrect, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach points in my world from a more expansive perspective, and realize that it’s impossible to force points into the small boxes of right or wrong, as all points contain several different dimensions, and as such it’s important to not make any hasty conclusions, but rather accept and allow myself to explore the points here within as the stability of breath; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to apply this practically in my world – through when I am faced with a situation, challenge, or moment – to in that accept and allow myself to approach without a judgment, and without any ideas, or experiences, but be clear within myself, and accept and allow myself to take part of, discern, and assess the actual physical reality of the point

Self-commitments

I commit myself to approach points in my world without judgments, without emotions, without feelings, and without any preconceived notion, and I instead commit myself to see, investigate, research, and assess the actual physicality of the point – such as for example with food; to not react instinctively in saying that the food is disgusting because I’ve memories of such food – but rather eat the food, and see how my body reacts, and then make a aware decision of whether this food is supportive for my physical or not

I commit myself to stop approaching new information from a starting point of fear, and I instead commit myself to approach new information, situations, and events unconditionally, and assess, discern, and evaluate the information without any preformed experiences – so that I am as such able to look at all points and research everything and take that which is good

I commit myself to be open and accessible to new perspectives, new information, and new ways of seeing and dealing with things, and as such I commit myself to be flexible, and not lock myself into and as a limited idea of ‘this is how I see things’ or ‘this is how I do things’ – and as such I commit myself to not fear the unknown and the new – but rather embrace change and stand with the principle of investigate everything and keep that which is good

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