Tag Archives: thought

Day 287: When a NO is more of a YES

Walking the Desteni process you get to learn how to stop your mind; for example, how to stop anger, irritation, fear, etc. In my own process I have enabled myself to stop various forms of thoughts, experiences, and other type of mind related points. Mostly, I have done this through stating ‘STOP!’ Or ‘NO!’ within me as the mind point arise. However, there are certain points that I have had difficulty with and that still at times pester me. These points have in common that my ‘NO!’ does not seem to have any effect. I will say ‘NO!’ inside of me several times, yet nothing happens, nothing moves, it is as if I have rather said ‘Okay!’ inside of myself.

When this happens it indicates that the ‘NO!’ is not clear and absolute. It indicates that there still is some form of hidden self-interest lurking in the background. In having this hidden self-interest I will then corrupt my NO statement, and sneak in some silent YES statements. The YES statement does not necessarily have to be expressed in the mind – it can come up as this underlying and deep movement of resistance. It will feel like I am not completely present in my body – an experience of resignation.

Thus, when this happens, I have found that it is important to locate the hidden point of self-interest. The self-interest will vary depending on the mind point. For me I have seen that my difficulty in stopping certain anger reactions has been because I held unto the self-interest of wanting division of labor and responsibilities to be fair and just. And I have seen that my problems with changing fear and social anxiety has been related to the self-interest of wanting to protect myself, and feel in-control in social contexts. And fears with regards to job, career and money has several times been connected to the self-interest of wanting to be in control, and secure more money for myself to feel safe.

The key to being able to stop the mind is to get to the point of standing as a clear and absolute NO – and to embrace a clear and absolute NO there cannot be any self-interest still existing within self. Jesus said that a house divided against itself cannot stand – and the same principle applies within us. If we state NO yet we do not back that statement fully – we will not stand. The reason for a division within self is because there are parts of self not yet investigated and directed – hence the importance of self-introspection and writing. In getting to know all of our own secrets, we empower ourselves to make a clear and absolute decision as to who we are – and that makes all the difference.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I have a difficulty in stopping myself and saying – NO – and living that NO – then there is a hidden self-interest that I have not yet opened up and directed – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize writing and self-forgiveness to open up and direct all points of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto self-interest when it comes to unfairness, when I feel that I am doing more work than others, and thus through holding unto this self-interest, disable myself from effectively stating NO and stopping anger and frustration coming up when I feel that I am doing more than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a self-interest of me doing less than or equal to others when it comes to physical labor and caring for other responsibilities – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to do more than others – and to not want to commit myself and my time to helping and assisting others – feeling/experiencing that it is ‘my time’ and that I as such have primary importance – in that I should be allowed to do what I want with my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize anger as a way of complaining about me feeling that the division of labor is not fair and equitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the division of labor and responsibilities to be equitable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to put in more effort – but only give as much as is needed – the smallest amount possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to push, create and move points, so that they work, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to make them the best that they can be – and give that extra effort to move the point into a state of perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist pushing for perfection, because I feel that it is not worth the effort, and thus be content with mediocrity – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be content ‘when things work’ – instead of pushing myself to make things work excellently – and only then – when things are in optimum condition – having reached their fullest potential – accept and allow myself to be content with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to closely watch others and the amount of physical work and activity they put down into their responsibilities – so that they will not trick me so that I get to do the brunt of the work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this state of policing – where I attempt to make sure that all responsibilities are divided equitably and fairly – and that no one gets to do more than another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as an example of pushing myself to do that little extra that makes a point of creation excellent – perfect – and something to be proud over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally push myself to contribute to my life and others in my life – through giving my responsibilities and commitments my utmost attention – and pushing them to perfection – hence not accepting and allowing myself a point to be only ‘good’ or ‘working’ – but instead pushing for the point to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist working and taking care of responsibilities – because I feel that others have done less than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify giving into laziness and apathy through thinking that I have already done enough – and that now it is time for others to step up and do their part

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doing the least amount of work through thinking that others are doing the same and that I am no worse than what they are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to release this self-interest within me of wanting to do as little work as is possible – and instead embrace the point of pushing myself in work and physical labor – to through that create value for myself as well as others

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into wanting to avoid work because I feel that I have already done enough, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this pattern of wanting to do the least amount possible is not best for me, neither best for others, and is creating the dynamic of competition – where each one only want to do the least amount possible – and trying to divide the work equitably – yet always there will be the feeling that someone gets to do more than another – thus I commit myself to embrace work, and responsibilities – to push myself to take them to perfection and not fear/resist taking on more than others – understanding that I create value for myself and others through my movement – and that I stand as an example for others in my decision to move

When and as I see myself policing others, because I want to make sure that they do the exact same amount of work as I do, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this state of policing brings me into a mindset of looking at what others are doing, instead of looking at what I am doing, and how I can contribute, and how I can support myself and others – thus entering into a state of competition – instead of remaining within a state of creation – thus I commit myself to place my focus on me and what I create – what I contribute with – what I give and how I am able to support and bring through that which is supportive and best for all

When and as I see myself feeling that it is unfair, or unjust, that others seem to be doing less than me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this feeling, that it is unjust, that it is unfair, that it is not right, that this experience is not supportive for me in my self-creation process and in me building and creating my life – instead my focus becomes trying to make sure that everyone is doing the exact same – instead of looking at what I can do that will support/bring through what is best for all – thus I commit myself to push myself to give more – to work more – to act more – to not look at what others are or are not doing – rather focus on what I can give and do for myself as well as others in my life

Day 285: Grounded In My Responsibilities

One thing that I am really good at is being creative, imagining things, experimenting, finding new ways, and finding solutions to problems. It is a skill that I have developed through my life and that has also been inherent since birth – I have always been this way. Now, this skill, of being flexible and fast in my thought processes also has a downside – and this is hence a weakness that I have had through most my life – the ability to remain grounded and steadfast.

An example of how this polarity plays out is the following. During my weekends I have several responsibilities to attend to. Most importantly is cleaning, and then also tending to the chickens at the farm where I live. Though, what tends to happen is that my imagination starts running, and I concoct several other things I would also like to do; projects I would like to complete, things I would like to build, stuff I would like to investigate and research, etc. I then tend to become worked up about my imaginative ideas, which seem to be so much fun, and then my attention/focus go to these. What consequently happens is that I am not sufficiently grounded/stable in my reality, and because of this I forget responsibilities, I down prioritize things that are important and that should be given priority, and I become absent-minded and forgetful.

The problem as such is that I am not enough grounded in my physical body, not sufficiently steadfast in sticking with my responsibilities, which leads to unwanted consequences. Hence, what I want to change with myself is this point of me accepting and allowing myself to become carried away in imaginations and future plans – and replace this tendency of dreaming myself into states of exhilaration with a stability and sense of being grounded in my physical body. In order to be effective in this life I require having a balance – thus it is no solution to be constantly grounded in the physical, and never accept and allow my imagination to run, to see what possibilities there are for expansion and movement, and it is no solution to be constantly imagining new things, starting new projects and not following through on them.

Imagination and inner projection can be useful when they are self-directed, and when they do not get in the way of my responsibilities here in the physical. Thus something that I can practice, is for example, to give myself a moment each day where I ask myself the question: “Okay, what can be improved, what can be expanded, what is it that I can create in my life that would be of benefit?” – and then otherwise throughout my day, as I am tending to my responsibilities, to practice remaining grounded in the physical, and present with what I am doing. That way I will be able to create a balance in my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly active in my imagination, where I create these grand plans, and projects, and I feel really exhilarated, not seeing, realizing and understanding that when I compromise my already existent responsibilities, projects, and commitments when and as I accept and allow myself to exist in a state of constant projection, imagination, and forward motion towards something different than what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice being grounded and steadfast in my decisions, projects, plans and responsibilities, to push through the temptation of imagining other things I could be doing, or other things I could be experiencing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is for me to embrace repetition, and routine, and understand that these words are an important part of creation in this physical reality – that to build and create something – one have to walk the same or similar actions many times over until the point that one wants to create stands here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being grounded here in the physical in itself offers opportunities of discovery, and adventure, where I can for example notice new things, or develop my skills in what I am doing in that moment, become more specific, and expand myself in someway or another, which I would not have been able to do if I instead was in my mind dreaming – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as a physical being – understanding that exhilaration, adventure and excitement are words that I can live within exploring and walking this physical reality here – and that I do not need my mind to stand as and walk my life within and as these words

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to dreaming and imagination, and believe that this is the only way I can experience exhilaration, and excitement – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not experiment with living excitement and exhilaration in my physical reality with my physical body – to see how it is that I can experience these words for real and not just as energy in my mind

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into imagination, projections, and a inner excitement, exaltation, because I can create things in my mind, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that when and as I accept and allow myself to venture into the realm of imagination, I forget what is here, and I do not pay sufficient, and enough attention to what I am doing here in the physical, which leads to me compromising responsibilities, and commitments – and thus I commit myself to remain grounded, physical and steadfast when I am walking through my day – to practice walking with one feet in-front of the other and being aware of every step and movement that I make

I commit myself to take time each day to sit down and look at what I can do with my life, with myself, and the resources I have at my disposal, to as such, each day push myself to expand, and see where I am able to create and expand myself and my reality – and hence I commit myself to direct this process of imagination and inner creation – and thus not accept and allow it to simply happen now and again – when I am not in control – and not specific about what I am doing in my mind

I commit myself to create a balance between imagination/projection/creating my future – and living HERE in the physical – understanding that when I accept and allow myself to venture into imagination-mode while I am doing things here in the physical, I will compromise myself and the moment that I am walking, because my focus and attention will be elsewhere – and hence I commit myself to be specific within myself when I accept and allow myself to go into ‘future-creation’ mode – to create it within myself as a decision and do this in moments when I am not compromising my relationship with this physical world

Day 284: Dreams as a Gateway to the Unconscious

Yesterday I received some great news. There was a position opening up for me in my hometown, which means that my days of commuting might be over, for now… I am still though facing the one last challenge. I have to quit my current position and apply for the new position, and then get admitted into the new position in competition with other applicants. Hence, a moment of insecurity, and a moment of ‘breaking’ the ‘trust’ of my former employee – as my current employment is supposed to last for some years, I will however be leaving after only some months. This brought up some fears within me, and my cautious nature urged me to ‘not take any chances’ – while my ‘I have had enough of commuting’-nature urged me to immediately turn in my letter of resignation and go for it.

Anyway, I went to bed as per usual, and had one of my rare dreams. In my dream I had committed some form of felony, murder I think, and the police was onto me, and I was terrified of getting caught. I pictured before me (in my dream) how my life would come to an end, how all the dreams and imaginations I had conjured in my mind would come crashing down, how my career would fall into the abyss of nothingness, and that I would be left with nothing. As I woke up I could see that this dream effectively depicted the deeper fears moving in my mind with regards to making the decision of changing employer.

From my dream I can see that my fears involve an aspect of ‘getting caught’ and ‘being punished’ for ‘breaking the rules’ – the rules here being the terms of contract with the employer. And in breaking that contract (which I actually do not, seen from a legal perspective) I would then put my career at risk, and potentially then my future, and my survival in this world. Thus, what this fear shows me is that I have given my trust to the system, to my employer, and that my relationship with survival/money is based on me wanting others to assure me a steady inflow of money – and in this case – others would be my employer.

It also shows me a lack of self-trust. Because, fact is that I have a great CV, and that there is an insignificant risk that I might not receive the job in my hometown – and even if I would not receive the job – it is not like I am all out of opportunities. In-fact, there are many directions open for me, and what more stands in my way, are my own issues with confidence and trust – where I do not see that I can actually deal with, and direct my life, and make sure that things work out properly, even if things do not go according to my preconceived plan.

What I see that I must work with is thus self-trust issues, and fears of my survival falling to pieces, and to replace that fear of survival with self-trust, with self-confidence, with self-reliance and a stability, a knowing, that regardless of what is going to come into my life, I will deal with it, I will find solutions, and I will not give up. I will push myself forward and walk to the utmost of my ability, pushing through fears, and anxieties, and creating the life that I see is best for me, that I see is best for all, and not accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied with a mediocre life, but instead pushing for, and creating a extraordinary life.

Fear is quite cool, because it shows me where it is that I am not yet trusting myself, and where it is that I am willing to compromise myself, who I am, my integrity, my decisions, plans, and what is best for me, to feel secure/safe about my survival. It shows me where it is that I am still accepting and allowing myself to exist in a mindset of trying to avoid failure, instead of creating the success I want to have. It shows me where and how I am still  accepting less from myself and my life than what I am capable of creating for and as myself. Fear is the symptom of me not pushing myself to remain standing in every breath, with my body, and place my focus and attention on SELF-CREATION – and hence not on – self-survival.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not going to be able to retain my security and safety with regards to money if I quite my job and look for a new one – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear defaulting on my debts, to fear loosing my house, to fear loosing my opportunity to survive in this world, and instead falling down into a whole of debt and suffering from which I cannot stand up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my security and safety, as my access to money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust money to give me my security, and my sense of feeling safe and secure, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that it is money that creates my stability, and that without money in my life, I cannot, and I do not have stability – and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice stability – to practice standing and remaining the same within me regardless if I have access to money or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my stability, and my future, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to compromise what is best for me, to compromise creating a extraordinary and effective future for myself, only so that I can feel safe, and secure with my decisions, and with my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice standing in stability even though I am in a pressured situation – and in a pressured environment as so far that my access to money is not stable and secure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that access to money in this world, and in this life, cannot ever be secure, and safe, that there is no such security and safety, as this world is in its very foundation flawed, and thus there is at all times a risk for everything to fall, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is a risk I must learn to stand with – to deal with and to direct – to understand that all decisions hold within them the potential of failure – yet sometimes – it is absolutely worth it to take the risk – to push forward – when the rewards that stand to be won are worth it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst case scenario, the worst case scenario being, that I will not get admitted into any of my desired employment options, and that I will stand without a job, and without income, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this is going to happen to me, to fear that in such a scenario, I am not going to know what to do, and how to deal with my life, and how to continue to push forward, and do something with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in the worst case scenario, I do still have opportunities that I can push for, to assure an income for myself, and I can find ways on the side, to make sure that I still push myself forward in relation to my career and where I see that I want to go in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst possible outcome, and fear that in such a situation, I am going to loose time, I am going to loose my standing in the legal community, and I am not going to be able to create anything with my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if such a point do occur, that I will still be able to find a way out, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to not see, realize and understand that it will not get that bad – and also – that losing time is a very, very subjective assertion – and that in-fact – I am the primary decision maker as to whether the time I have on my hand is used effectively, and practically, or whether it is thrown away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust, to place stability, to place security in relation to having a career, to having a job, and being accepted at my job, and excelling at my job, and within that being complemented, and liked by my colleagues, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that career, the words I have placed into this concept, are words that I can live, stand, and walk within my life, as myself, and thus nothing that I actually need to have a career for, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assert myself within the words of direction, and security, as knowing where I am going and with a secure stability heading in that direction, not accepting and allowing myself to be swayed and shifted – but remaining with my practical physical reality and moving into the direction that I have established for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a career, as a purpose and a direction in my daily living, as a security, in me knowing where I am heading, knowing what I am going to create and build for myself, and knowing what I am going to do with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I cannot build this stability on a career – because a career can shift and go into highs and lows – and if I accept and allow myself to base my security and stability on a career – then I am not effectively aligned here with and as what is real – the stability of the physical that is always consistent regardless of the movement of money in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind when it comes to making decisions in relation to the future, through trusting fear, and believing the decisions made in fear are more safe than decisions made within and as stability – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making decisions that I am stable within – in fear that they might be to risky – and that there might develop to many repercussions that will affect my future and my life – and make things shaky – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making my life shaky and unstable when it comes to money and financial security – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus only want to make safe decisions that I feel there is no fear connected to – because then I have apparently made a good and secure decisions that will lead to predictable outcomes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a predictable outcome on this earth at this moment – simply because the way money moves and the way the system is created – is so ineffective and based on the flimsiness of the mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how any feeling of security and trust in tomorrow is in-fact self-dishonesty, as there is no such security in this world to be found in this day and age

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear, and anxiety, and imagining the worst possible outcome of making a decision that involves money, and employment, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that with all decisions there is a risk – there is a potential that things might go wrong – and that things might not work out – however – that is not something that I can use to build my life with – and instead I realize that I must come to terms with these risks and push for the decisions that create my life to be the best that it can be – and thus I commit myself to bring up the worst possible outcome within me – and define solution within me if that outcome were to play out – and look at what decision is the most challenging – what decision is the best for me to walk that will be support me in my life and what I want to do in this lifetime

When and as I see myself going into fear, and anxiety towards a decision, because there is a risk that I will loose my employment, and in that my feeling, and sense of security, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that that the sense of security that comes with employment is in-fact false, that a security cannot be based on a job, and on money, but is in-fact related to ME and how I SEE-CURES – my ability to SEE SOLUTIONS and work with what is here – and not accept and allow myself to give up and give in when things get tough; and thus I commit myself to place my trust and security in myself – and develop my ability to remain stable under pressure and look for and apply solutions

When and as I see myself worrying that I am going to destroy my legal career, and make others angry and dissatisfied with me because of how I have approached my employment, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this fear is holding me back, and limiting, that the moment I get attached to and accept and allowed something external to define me, through fear of loss, then I am creating limitations for and as myself, and making my life, my future, and who I am smaller, and thus I commit myself to push ahead, to push through my fear of loss, to realize that fear of loss only exists because I have defined words in relation to my external environment instead of seeing, realizing and understand that I can live and stand with and as this words as a decision, and as a movement that comes from within and that I express out to others

Day 200: The Principle of What is Best For All

In my Declaration of Principle I’ve set out to Live by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all – In this blog I will expound on this point.

Living the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed is easy to say – though it’s a very tough point to actually and physically apply. I’ve seen this in particular with regards to how I think about my career, survival and money – there is such a inherent tendency in me to just consider myself – to just care about me – that it takes real willpower to step out of that fear-based mentality and start to consider that there is more to this life and world than me.

It is fascinating how normalized our fear of survival have become – most of us don’t even question the ludicrousness of how we in our individual capacity lead our lives to create some form of personal comfort and safety – an income, a family and a home – yet in a world that is severely dysfunctional our drive for individual survival is walked in vain – and if you look at the state of this world in terms of natural resources and environmental destruction – things are only becoming worse. Thus – the solution to create a really effective life, not only for ourselves, but for all, is to make sure that in our decisions, in our personal lives, in our dreams, our goals, our visions, we take in consideration this world and humanity as a whole – and we base our decisions and what we see is best for all.

I know by experience that this is very hard to do, and when the point is walked all kinds of fears and anxieties will show up – there is this extensive fear of loosing ourselves if we don’t make sure that our life is solely lived to please our own desires and interests – and in some cases our families survival and interests – though in order to actually create a life that is worth living this is what we must step into. We must become real and living activists – day-to-day activists that make a stand in the small – that make a stand not only through giving money now and then to some NGO – but that we make our entire lives a monument of self-change – and walk that change into this world.

Thus – the way I’ve practically applied this principle is for example in relation to career: Here I’ve not looked at ‘Where I’ll be the happiest’ – I’ve instead looked at where I’ll be able to have a significant impact – where I’ll be able to actually do something that will bring through that vision I’ve of a world that is best for all – where humanity stands together. In this I’ve experienced a lot of anxiety and fear – because making this decision have forced me to step out of me normal survivalist decision mentality – to instead begin considering and seeing the whole picture – and this is a funny dichotomy: That we’ll actually only be able to make this world more safe and enjoyable when we give our lives to support the best interest of all – because only then will we remove that constant threat and pressure currently existing which takes the shape of our money system – and the relentless demands of our bank accounts to continue striving – continue surviving and continue walking. That goes to show how our fears can’t be trusted in anyway whatsoever – because they don’t give us the whole picture.

Obviously there is another way to live – and the first step we must take to get there is to start implementing this new mentality of living for ALL into our day-to-day lives – because fascinatingly enough – it’s there that real change takes place – in the individual human being – in the moment – in the small situations that then accumulate and build – and consequently influence the direction of the world as a whole. For a moment – forget about the big world change – the massive revolution – or the all encompassing shift in consciousness: LIFE will emerge in the individual – in the person – and it will then flow from there – our first priority must because of that be ourselves – and that we make sure we stand, live and walk our lives equal to our fullest potential.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving my life to what is best for all – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus and direct my life in the attempt and try to ensure personal survival for myself – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how personal survival is not a solution – how personal survival is not the way to go – and is not what will create an actual relief and release in this world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not focus my attention and living upon creating solutions that will work – and be functional for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living only for myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking others into consideration – and in my decisions, in my dreams, visions and goals, take into account the life of everyone – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become limited in fear – not seeing, realizing and understand that the solution for a world with no fear – exists within and as this point of actually giving my life for the life of all – and making sure that my priority is to create what is best for all – and everyone – because that will in turn make my life easier

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up my limited mentality of ME, ME, ME – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear transforming and changing this mentality to the WE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s actually quite an easy process to walk – and what I have to do is simply to take that incessant care I’ve had for myself – and apply it for everyone – to realize that I can make that shift within myself wherein I align my thinking, my actions, and my words to be for everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I lead and create my life from this starting point – suddenly everything becomes many times more simple and easy – because suddenly there is no fear – there is just the drive and movement towards creating a life that is honorable and dignified for all human beings – for all animals – and for all life – and thus I commit myself to walk my life from this starting point of WE

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to when I go into fear, stress or worry about my own life – to in that moment stop – and bring myself back here – and re-align my priorities – re-align how I walk and direct myself – to stop caring but for me – but to expand this care and consideration to everyone – and here I commit myself to begin practicing in the small – wherein I practice this point of care and consideration with those closest to me

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that fear exists only because I am narcissistic in that I am only caring about myself – my own future – my own life – my own dreams – and my own hopes – and thus I commit myself to stop this self-masturbation and instead start opening myself up to this world – and to humanity – and birth that principle within me of actual care and consideration – of actually living for all and not but for myself – and bringing that through in thought, word and deed

I commit myself that align my thought, word and deed to be what is best for all – and make that the priority and the starting point for my decisions – for my movement – for what I do in this world

Day 160: Living By the Principle of What is Best for All

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible out come for all

In relation to some decisions that I’ve had to make recently, I’ve seen how this principle above, hasn’t been implemented fully in my life yet, which results in me often being very ambivalent, and uncertain about decisions, future play-outs, how I am going to live, and what I am going to do – simply because: There are so many directions, ways and paths, and no unifying principle that I’ve allowed myself to use to guide myself in the decisions.

Thus, I realize that I can practice this principle, particularly in relation to career decisions, because this is something that I’ve looked at through a glass colored with my own preferences, fears, desires, and expectations, instead of looking at what would be best for all. When I look at my future, what I can do, where I can place myself, and how I can live my life to its fullest potential, its actually quite easy to see where I can make the most of myself and my life – when I remove the personal the decision becomes much more easy to make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions through looking at what would be best for all, and as such I see, realize and understand that decision making becomes complicated when I involve the mind, as my desires, fears, preferences, etc. and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make myself clear within, breathe, and look at all the information involved within and as a decision, and look at it not from a point of personality, but rather look at it from a starting point and perspective of what would be best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not look at my future, my career, my life, from a starting point of what is best for all, and I see, realize and understand how much more simple it becomes to make a decision, and to look at where and how I can place myself in my world, when I do it objectively, and when I do it without my personal preferences coming into play, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I look at my future, and decisions, and points to be walked, to do so HERE, without my personal preferences, to instead look at what would be best for everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at myself, my skills, my potential, and my abilities, not from a starting point of “what can I get out of it” – but rather look at what this world, this physical reality, and humanity can get out of me, and how I can place myself in the most supportive and effective position that would be meaningful, and have purpose, and that would support and nurture others in their process of creating for themselves a life in this world that is dignified

Self-commitments

I commit myself to, when and as I am making decisions, looking at my future, to be objective, and look at how I can place myself in such a way that would be best for everyone involved, that would lead to the biggest maximal impact, and affect the most change, and as such I commit myself to be objective, and look at myself and this world from a starting point of being objective, and looking at what is best for all, and releasing my personal preferences, desires, wants and needs

Day 158: Social ineptness

So, today some fascinating points have come in relation to the point that I’ve opened up and committed myself to walk through to COMPLETION – the general point is that of social angst – yet this point contain many various dimensions, and a new dimension that I noticed today is in relation to a belief that I hold of myself – the belief that I am socially inept – that I am somehow worse than others at being social and that my natural expression is not sufficiently socially acceptable – and that I as such require to mold and emulate my expression to be more acceptable.

Some context: I was hanging out with some persons that are new in my world, and it was a fresh environment for me, so I didn’t really know how to place myself in it, and who I should be. As I observed myself interact in this new environment, and these new persons, I saw that what I held within me was this general experience of ‘I am less’ – and the consequential outflow of me holding unto this point of ‘I am less’ was that I didn’t express myself within the self-confidence, comfortableness, and ease that I know I am capable of – instead my expression was more held back, passive, and hesitating – not as I would express myself with for example, my family, or my partner, where I am much more at ease with myself.

Thus, why is it that I have this ‘I am less’ experience?

From what I am able to see, it’s actually a form of protection mechanism, because when I hold myself in this ‘I am less’-character – I don’t show myself, I don’t open up, and I am not really HERE – the logic here is that I am then ‘protected’ – though the part that doesn’t make sense is why I’d like to feel protected and in that sacrifice my natural expansive expression?

Really, the question must be asked, I am in-fact protecting myself from a realistic fear, or is it but an assumption that I’ve made, that if I accept and allow myself to step out of my protections, I will be ‘hurt’ and ‘attacked’? And is there really such a thing as being mentally hurt and attacked?

I’d say – NO – there isn’t – and accordingly this shyness character, this ‘I am less’-character is not something that is supportive for me – and thus I must further practice living myself out of this habitual suppression tactic and realize that it’s really nothing dangerous out there, and that there are lot’s of things to do, many people to get to know, and projects to walk, if I accept and allow myself to step out of my character of diminishment, and be myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am interacting with people, and placing myself in a new environment, and with people that I don’t yet have a long-term relationship, to take in the position of ‘I am less’ within myself, and go into a state and condition of being shy, passive, and held back, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this state of being, through believing that when I am in this state of passivity I am protecting myself from harm, and accordingly I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself, and believe that there is some gigantic harm awaiting for me out there, if I’d accept and allow myself to step it up, and walk out of my shell, and practice self-confidence, self-trust, and self-authority, and be at ease and comfortable with myself regardless of situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with other people, with so-called strangers, I am required to put on a mask, and be more passive, and held-back, in the belief that apparently, with strangers, if I would express myself, I would become attacked, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this belief that ‘I will be attacked’ isn’t in anyway substantiated within me with facts, it’s but an experience, but a fear coming up within me, that I pay attention to and live according to, without having cross-referenced with physical reality whether or whether not this fear is actually real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define, and accept myself as held back, shy and insecure, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I require and must be stuck in this experience, and movement of myself as insecure, and shy, and believe that this is something I must just accept, and that there is nothing I am able to do about it, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself in moments when I notice I go into this shyness, and passive character, to say – NO – and practice, physically, practically living self-confidence, and living self-trust – through straightening my back, and looking people in the eye, and communicating with a clear and stable voice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am with others, to participate within and as, and go into a fear that ‘they are talking behind my back’ and that ‘everything I do or say will be used against me’ – and ‘I don’t know what they are thinking about me’ – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a fear of how others are going to perceive and experience my expression, and fear that I am going to say or do something that will be termed socially inept, and accordingly I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry more about what others think about me, rather than me living and participating and moving myself as my human physical body, practically, physically, here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that others are to invite me into their life’s, and give me a sense and experience of ease and comfortableness, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others to make me comfortable, instead of me pushing, and willing myself to be comfortable, to be at ease, and to trust myself and be confident, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that only I am able to give this point to myself, and as such I must practice this point, and one point relation to self-confidence that I see I must practice to walk out of this shyness character, is stopping blaming, judging and attacking myself when I am do a mistake – or when a social interaction doesn’t turn out ‘cool’ – because when I judge myself I make myself more self-conscious and less effective at simply being myself, and trusting myself here – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to trust myself – and to love myself and live these words as myself through stopping judging and being hard on myself when I notice I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will immediately be able to step out of my shyness and ‘I am less’-character and that it will go without mistakes, and without effort – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it will be a effort to bring myself out of this particular character, and how it will be a process that will take time, application, and presumably, many mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to make mistakes, to test things out, and to apply corrections, and not be afraid or worried that they won’t work, and realize that if I fail, or make a mistake, I can simply re-consider and re-align the point, and bring the point into a correction with is effective and works for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the general crowd of people in my life thinks that I am strange and dislikes, and likes other people more than what they like me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as this fear and anxiety, the moment I say something, or share myself with another, that my words, and my expression, is going to cause within another a judgment, and a thought that: “I don’t like you” – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sacrifice and suppress my natural and easy-going expression as myself – in fear of what others think about me – in fear of how others feel about me – not seeing, realizing and understand that it’s obviously not cool for me to bind myself up in fear and justify this through thinking that I must have each and everyone like me

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into the shyness, and passiveness, and ‘I am less’-character, which I can see through me becoming held back, slouching my shoulders, and becoming hesitant in relation to whether I should speak or not, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I commit myself to live self-confident – and live this through straightening my back, breathing effectively and relaxing my physical body, accepting and allowing myself to caress myself within and as myself, and hold myself, and then move myself in the moment within and as self-trust – and confidence – as me being stable and living the fact that I am an equal with others – neither less – neither more

I commit myself to stop fearing that others are speaking behind my back, and that others are creating negative experiences in relation to me, and that they are creating resistances towards me – and accordingly I commit myself to trust myself, to stand by myself, and dare to live self-honesty, and have the courage of me being stable and expressive, and the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow, regardless of what another might or might not think about me – and I commit myself to live this correction through stating NO – I will not accept and allow these thoughts and emotions to overwhelm me – when and as I notice that this ‘what are others thinking of me ‘fear’ comes up within

Day 111: Automatic Dreaming

I am here continuing on the points of career and money, and today I am going to look more closely at dreaming, hoping and projecting, and in essence, going into my mind to build various ideas about how the future could turn out instead of being here.

What I’ve noticed is that, this pattern of dreaming, hoping and projecting myself into the future, it’s completely automatic, and within this I’ve realized, that it’s obviously not “Me” within self-direction that makes the decision to consider and look at the future, though this is what I’ve liked to believe in the past – that it’s “Me” looking at the future, “Me” looking at what I can do in the coming time, not seeing, realizing and understand how it’s not really me, but that this pattern simply comes up within me.

So, today I got up from bed, and I went into the shower, and as I stepped into the shower, I could notice how my mind was beginning to move into future projections, and this specifically in regards to whether, or whether not I should study a particular course next year or not – Thus, instead of showering, practically caring for and tending to my body, I was now considering something completely irrelevant to the moment within which I was physically existing and participating.

It’s interesting, that these dreams, hopes and projections come up in my mind, and they present themselves as if they were something new, “a new opportunity” or “a new perspective” – when really it’s merely a cycle in my head that turns and moves exactly the same with the slight difference of presenting me a set of other pictures. So, for example – a couple of days I ago I had dreams, and hopes about attaining a specific career path, and thus these images, and projections manifested in my mind, equally the same in their nature as the images and pictures manifesting in regards to studying a course next yet, with the point differing that they were presented with different pictures.

If I look more closely at where this pattern originate from, I can see that as a first layer, there is excitement, happiness and eagerness – feeling good about creating “my future” and “my life” – though, beyond this layer, there is a layer of fear, uncertainty and anxiety, and my dreams, projections and hopes, are in-fact a response to these fears, wherein I attempt and try to level out, and calm these fears, through presenting myself with happy, positive, and exciting images in my mind.

Obviously, this doesn’t work very well, because I do not practically deal with the fears and sort them out, I merely create happy pictures in my mind to suppress the fears – and as such I realize, that in order to get to the bottom of this system, I must become much more specific as to detailing and de-constructing the specific origin and nature of these projections, and dreams – where do they come from? Exactly, and specifically what type of fears are fueling these future projections? And within walking this point specifically, I will be able to let go of this pattern – and also begin to plan my living for REAL – which implies that I look at points within a starting point of a self-decision – wherein there are no happy feelings generated, and no fear in the picture – but I instead look at the practical physical reality of what is here and make decisions according to this.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as dreams, hopes, fantasies and imaginations in my mind, from a starting point of positive, excitement-energy – wherein I go into my mind and start thinking about my future from a starting point of FEELING – not seeing, realizing and understand how it is that I can’t possibly trust a feeling to in anyway give me a substantial and effective positioning in regards to making a effective plan for my future – because when I consider points in excitement and feeling, or fear and anxiety, I disallow myself from seeing the exact and specific nature of what is here – and thus unable myself to make a decision that is effective in that it’s in alignment with myself and my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I go into my imagination, and I begin to dream about the future, and there is no specific context in my world and reality, as to why I should bring this point up, as to why I should in this very moment take a breath and within me plan my future, that this is then a pre-programmed pattern, coming up within me automatically and without my directive decision – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally take a breath – and within this push myself to not accept and allow myself to be possessed and loose myself in imagination – but that I instead remain physical – remain grounded and remain here with my body – and that I then make sure that when I do plan my future – that I do so as a specific decision in a moment – and that support myself in my decision making through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when imaginations, fantasies, and dreams just come up within me, without me making a decision, then this is in-fact a point of distraction, here for me to go into my mind instead of breathing and remaining here with my body, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath through and unconditionally let this particular dream, fantasy or projection, go – and not participate in it – but simply let it unconditionally come up within me and then be released and let go of – as I make the decision to not participate but instead remain here with and as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the majority of my future plans, projections, dreams and hopes are coming from within and as a starting point of fear, and anxiety – wherein I as the first trigger have a thought of fear coming up within me, that then trigger me to go into a state of attempting to generate a positive energy within me, as a state of excitement, or love, which I then attempt and try to do through participating in these future projections, and these future ideas, hopes, and desires about how my life could play out – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I work with planning and mapping out my future – to be very specific in how I do this – to make sure that I do the actual practical and physical research in regards to the decisions I am about to make – so that I know that the decisions I make are what they make out to be and not only a hope – and that I also make sure that my decisions and plans are not coming from a secret and hidden starting point within me of fear wherein I thus suppress and compromise myself through making a decision upon the basis of fear instead of upon the basis of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I tend to make decisions, and fantasize about the future, from within and as a starting point of energy, wherein I go into and as a specific positive energy towards creating a particular future for myself, as for example taking a specific education, or going into a specific career, instead of realizing that my dreaming, my hoping, and my fantasizing, isn’t based upon the actuality of what such a movement and plan entails – it’s just a feeling that I’ve attached to a particular point and then I believe that in manifesting this particular point I will experience that particular feeling coming up within me – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not how the physical operates – and that what I dream about is not in anyway what this physical real – reality in-fact entails on a practical and physical basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the sprout of energy, to the experience of positivity, hope, and energy buzz that come up within me as I start to imagine, think about, and fantasize about the future, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions on a whim, to make decisions because they feel good, and because they make feel like I am important, and high within and as energy, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and practice to instead make decisions that are grounded, practical, that I’ve researched effectively, that I am clear within, and I know what I am doing, and that aren’t merely based upon what I experience as a particular energetic charge coming up in my mind, claiming me instead of me being stable and directive and specific in my self-movement in my world and reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when a particular plan, or imagination come up in my mind, that is coupled with energy, as a positive charge, that this should set of the warning bells within me, because here I am dealing with a decision that isn’t based upon actual practical research, but that is based upon how I feel, how I experience myself, what particular feeling and experience-connections that I’ve connected to various ideas of what I’d like to do in the future, and it’s as such not in anyway based upon an actual physical assessment of my future, what it is that I want to do with my future, and how I can in the best possible way create my future to be aligned with the purpose of creating a world that is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that I can actually figure things out in my mind, that I can actually, create relevant outcomes, and relevant solutions in my mind, when the starting point is that of energy, instead of seeing that the very nature of energy, is to remain in conflict, is to remain cycling, is to remain constantly unstable, changing, and moving around, simply because, this is how energy functions – and thus to make an effective, real and relevant decision – I require to sit down in and as my physical world and reality – I require to make a physical decision – based upon physical considerations – based what I am able to see – assess – and understand as being real on a physical basis – because only in making a physical decision – will I be able to stand clear and stable with a decision as it’s not based on this constant friction, conflict, and cycling of energy – it’s stable – it’s physical – it’s a decision made HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stop existing within and as my mind in fear – anxiety, and the polarity opposite of excitement in regards to planning my future, my life, and my living – and I thus forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to sit down and write out my plans – to look at where they come from – are they energy based, are they in-fact relevant? Are they based on a idea, or an actual real assessment of a point? And thus – I commit myself to bring myself back here – and walk decision from a starting point of physical real reality

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into my mind and start thinking about my future, cycling within myself in energy, going from a positive, to a negative, instead of remaining here – stable within and as breath – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the solution to this point – is not to make decisions in my mind from a starting point of energy – but is to write, is to clear myself, and is to ground myself in the physical and practice physical decision making; as such I commit myself to clear myself from my inner cycling of positive and negative – and I commit myself to ground myself here and practice and eventually perfect – making practical and physical decisions

I commit myself to stop cycling in positives and negatives in my mind – and I instead commit myself to dedicate myself to being here as breath – and I commit myself to when I make decisions to utilize the tool of writing – to utilize the tool of self-forgiveness and self-commitments – to make sure that I am clear within myself and that my decision is practical – physical – and that the purpose of the decision is what is best for all – and that it’s a clear decision and that I see it’s best for all and thus common sense

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