Tag Archives: tired

Day 377: Why Limit Self-Creation?

“There is no time for me to express! Work, labor, having to get money to survive, it is using up all of my time!”
Recognize this backchat and the oftentimes accompanying emotions of stress, pressure, regret and nervousness? Since I began working full time, I have been finding myself thinking this a couple of times, because working, compared to studying, time wise there is a huge difference. Work requires a different form of investment, you must be physically at work, you must push and drive yourself forward, there is usually a lack of time, and there must be results. When studying, you can read your books wherever you like, and you choose your level of ambition, where you want position your standards so to speak. All in all, studying is a lot more flexible and less physically demanding.

However, we live in a world where work is mandatory. We live in a world where our time must be used to get money so that we can survive. We live in a world where money gives us the right to exist – and hence – we HAVE to work – there is no other way around it. Even though we would ideally like to spend all of our time exploring our hobbies and interests, it is not possible, not yet at least. Thus, for me, it is been big changeover, going from studies to work. And one point that I have had to remind myself of continuously is that it is not about WHAT I DO – it is about WHO I AM within what I do. And I do see this understanding as the solution to the inner conflict, because when I stop placing a focus on where I should be, what I should be doing, who I should be meeting, I open up a space for myself, HERE, that I can step into – and then from there – step into the REAL world. And the real world is never set up according to my expectations, though it is in the real world where I have the opportunity to influence, to change, to move, to push; to CREATE myself – and that is meaningful.

SELF-CREATION is the forgotten ingredient in all of our lives. It has become normal to look for something or someone out there to make ourselves feel whole, our lives meaningful, though regardless of how much we look, regardless of the places we visit, the homes we build, the works we get, the people we meet, the hobbies we acquire – unless SELF-CREATION is part of the equation – everything we do feels incomplete – it lacks that something we cannot really put our finger on.

Hence – WORK – and the time we spend there – it is all about WHAT WE MAKE OF IT – it is time that we can use to CREATE ourselves – or it is time that we can waste feeling stuck/controlled/diminished. This is the choice we have – to either fully immerse ourselves in all aspects and parts of our lives and use our time to CREATE – or remain stuck in an illusory world of ideals, hopes and dreams for something better and more.

I have decided to embrace work as a part of my life – as a part of WHO I AM – and I have decided to make work a part of my life where I am CREATING MYSELF.


Learn more about this way of living:

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Day 273: Morning Experiences – Part 2: Remembering Myself

In my last blog I opened up my morning experiences, and these have included: Depression, not feeling like, not experiencing motivation, feeling hopeless and as if there is no point in getting up, feeling as if my time, and my life is being stolen from me, because I have to get up and tend to all my responsibilities. Currently thus, there are many negative experiences clustered around the event of waking up.

Though, in this blog I am going to look at what practical applications there are, what solutions that I can apply in order to change my morning experience. And one solution that I have seen is to transform my mornings into a moment/experience of me assisting and supporting myself to slow down, to forgive, and prepare myself to walk out into my life. Practically speaking, what I can thus do as I wake up is to apply self-forgiveness, to focus myself on grounding myself and finding back to my physical, and making that my starting point.

At this stage, I experience my mornings as a pain to get through, though why should they be like that? In fact, the mornings are what I make of them. Hence, I can make my mornings an opportunity for me to ground myself, and support myself to find, and develop my stability, that I will then use to assist and support myself to get through my day. And fact is that, much of the tiredness, drowsiness, and physical strain I experience throughout a day, are directly related to my emotional experience. When I do not react emotionally to my day, walking through, dealing with my responsibilities, and directing myself is easy.

The trick is thus to remain with my physical stability, as that does not change, does not go back forth, up and down, here and there, it is simply one breath, one physical movement, one physical foundation. And for me to be effective and stable, I require to align with that stability, and my mornings are a perfect time for me to do this.

When I wake up, I will hence focus on my breathing, ground myself in my body, and apply self-forgiveness on the reactions that come up, and support myself to let go of any emotional experience that is lurking within, so that I can walk out of my house, stable and steadfast, and capable of using the day, and the opportunities it will provide, to the best of my ability.

Day 272: Morning Experiences – Part 1: Introduction

Observing the experience of yourself as you wake up is a effective technique to get to know ‘the real you’ – and what is actually going on within. Because usually, what comes up in the morning, are those experiences that are otherwise, throughout the day, under the surface of your more immediate, surface conscious and subconscious reactions and experiences.

For a couple of days now, I have been observing my general experience of myself as I wake up, and I have come to see that it is exactly the same experience every morning. As I wake up, and I look on the prospect of starting my day, going to work, getting up into the cold winter morning, I experience a dread, mixed with some depression, and an emotion of resignation/giving up. The though that accompanies this emotion is usually something like: “Here we go again…” – “Another day, nothing has changed, and I have to give my time, and energy to slaving away for a world system that does not care about me…” – “Wow, how did my life become like this? I used to have so much fun as a child!”

Thus, as can be seen by the nature of the backchat, it is a form of depression, hopelessness, self-victimization, and blame, as well as a longing back to the days when I was a child and I did not have to worry about anything, such as money, survival, work, etc. Hence I see, realize and understand that to direct this experience of myself in the mornings, I require to redesign myself in terms of redefining what it means to wake up in the mornings, redefining and changing what words I am to live as I wake up in the morning. Because I see, realize and understand, that it is through words that I create my reality.

In this blog I will do the self-forgiveness on these experiences, and in my next blog I am going to start finding the words that I require to redefine and live in order to recreate my experiences of myself waking up in the morning, so that my mornings can become the time of my day where I am stable, and I without any reactions get up from my bed to start my day, and direct my world.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up feeling dread, depression, and a sense of blame towards my coming day – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to this get stuck in this experience when I wake up – and start of my day with these emotions – instead of me moving myself within and as the physicalhere as breath – to get things done in my physical environment – and to within this see, realize and understand – that I do not need to feel anything about myself or my life to act – and be effective in my day-to-day living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful and blame the system for me having to get up in the morning, go to work, and earn money in order to be able to survive – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize my emotional experience in the morning as a get out of jail for free card – where I can sort of say that – hey – this world – this system – look how it is making me feel – and because of this I should not have to participate in it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my mornings within and as the emotions of dread, depression, blame, and hopelessness – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up as I stand up in the morning – give up because I feel that it is all pointless – what is the meaning? And then I feel that – regardless of what I do – nothing is moving forward the way I hoped/desired that it would be – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these emotions as an excuse for me to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize emotions as an excuse for me to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that for things to be hopeless, there must have been hope to begin with, and in this I see, realize and understand that there is really no hope – hope is in-fact a fallacy, because what hope could there be for this world? The only thing that will potentially help is real physical action – not hope – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up each morning – within passion – as PUSH ON – and PASS IT ON – moving myself up from my bed – with no experience instigating that movement – and directing myself to start caring for my surroundings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this experience in the morning, it is in-fact self-interest, because it implies that I want to hold unto my personal experience of life, my personal experience of this world, and in this not care about anyone else – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is obviously a lot of people waking up in this world every morning with no chance in hell to do anything to change this current system while I have the resources and skills to impulse change – through my writings – through my participation on the web

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate myself and my life to creating a world that is best for all – and see, realize and understand that this is real care for others – that in making and living this decision – I will actually free myself from petty emotional experiences, simply because they are so insignificant in comparison to actually creating something with my life that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my morning experience indicates what I am actually, on a deep level, existing within throughout my day – a state of resentment towards the world system – where I feel that I have been fooled and trapped into this life of mine – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that when my focus becomes the emotions, my experience – what is it that takes a back seat? Well – obviously my physical world – my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and resent the world – for what I perceive being the world being against me – the world causing me grievances – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to react emotionally to this world – to what is happening – to what most human beings are forced to go through in order to survive – I am in-fact limiting myself – I am holding myself back – and I am making myself incapable of standing for a change – because all my focus goes into my experience – my feeling of and as myself – instead of me being present HERE and seeing what is happening – and seeing how I am able to make the most of myself and each day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can only ever be really effective in this world when I am not accepting and allowing myself to be determined by emotions and feelings – I can only be really effective when and as I give up this habit of interpreting my life through emotions and feelings and thoughts – as I see, realize and understand that all of these creations are in-fact limitations – that their purpose and design is to keep me trapped in a state of self-interest –where I will only care for my experiences and not care for what is in-fact happening in my world

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into emotions of dread, hopelessness, fear, and blame as I wake up in the morning, because I dislike, and feel forced to go into this system, make money, survive, and create a career for myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not effective, and that I cannot stand as a real beacon of change when and as I accept and allow myself to react – because then my focus will go into experiences – and not be with me HERE – on what I am doing and what is happening in this world – and what I am able to do to create/manifest a change in this world – and thus I commit myself to refocus my attention – to realize that what is real is the physical – breath – my physical body – this physical world – and that there is in-fact no experiences being forced unto me by this world – I am creating them myself – and thus I commit myself to be stable and steadfast – stick with what is real – and move in this world without any experiences

When and as I wake up in the morning, I commit myself to stand as the word PASSION, as PUSH-ON and as PASS IT ON – and within this see, realize and understand that this day is an opportunity for me to push what is best for all – to find solutions to problems – to share myself as an example of what is best for all – and show that there are ways to deal with the situations that are occurring in this world – both on a personal, and interpersonal level

I commit myself to not except any positive experience as I wake up – and understand that I do not need a positive experience – I only need myself and my realization that I have to do something – and that I must remain stable in myself to be effective in that doing – and hence I commit myself to wake up in the stability of my physical body – and stand as the word of PASSION – the PASSION to move and direct myself – and to utilize each day to grow, expand my process of birthing myself as life from the physical – and the process of bringing through a new economic system in this world that is best for all

Day 261: Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance

In this blog we are going to look closer at some practical solutions for resistance, that I have found works effectively. There are four applications that I have discovered helps a lot when that resistance comes up from within – and I will be walking through them in order.

Be clear on you new direction

The first solution is to be clear on your direction. In order to be able to walk through that tough, and difficult moment, when the resistance comes up, and you do not feel like doing anything, it is important that you have your direction in place. Basically this means the following: You know WHY you are changing, you know HOW you are going to change, you know WHAT will happen if you do not change (consequences) and you know WHAT will happen if you change (rewards).

If you are not clear on these points within yourself, you are going to find it much easier to give in, and give up when the resistance towards movement comes up from within. The reason for this being that you have not established a purpose, and reason for yourself, you are trying to change something, yet you are not entirely clear on why, how and what you are changing. Thus, my suggestion is that you sit down with yourself, and write out your reasons for changing.

Lets take an example from my own life, my law-studies. Now I experienced resistance towards studying and reading the course literature, though I knew that I had to do it in order to be able to pass my exams. Thus, I wrote about the point and established the following: I am changing this resistance into actually reading my books BECAUSE (why) I want to be able to earn my living as a lawyer. I will change this resistance through (how) sitting down and reading my books for two hours every day. If I do not do this for myself, I might not be able to pass my exams, and thus I cannot become a lawyer (consequence). Though if I do sit down and read the literature, I will pass my exams, and be able to have a enjoyable and challenging job in my future (reward).

Placing it before myself in this way I was able to clearly see the value in changing myself, and why I had to do it – and this helped me to push through in those moments when I did not feel like reading or putting down any time in my education.

Stick with your body

The next solution is to Stick With Your Body. Now, what does that mean? Well, look at it this way: Resistance is a energy that comes up from within, telling you to act and behave in a certain way – and this energy will feel real and overpowering when you go into it, start feeding it, paying attention to it, and change yourself according to it. But, if we take a look at your physical body – you will see that regardless of the resistance that comes up within you, it will still be there, the heart will still be beating, lungs and breathing working perfectly – most parts of the body will be stable, still and the same as before the resistance – and this is important to notice.

Resistance as such does not affect the body and instead the body moves itself on the basis of practical considerations, and if it would not do that – we would be dead a long time ago. Thus, if you, instead of going into the resistance energy, place your focus and attention on your breathing, and the sensations of your physical body – this will allow you to use the body as a point of grounding/stabilization. And when you stand with the body, on the ground, you are going to notice a fascinating thing: The resistance does not have power over you – it is only a energy – and regardless of its intensity you are still able to decide on how you move within and as your human physical body.

To sum it up: The body/physical matter transcends resistance – and when you stand with the body – you will be able to use its stability and groundedness to support yourself to move through the resistance and come out on the other side.

Know your enemy

The third solution is to know your enemy, and with this I do not mean that you should go into war with resistance and your mind – no – what I mean is that it is important to understand how resistance moves, and when it moves. My observations on this point is that resistance moves in quickly, and will peak after a while, but if you continue to move through the resistance, it will run out of fuel and die out. As such – resistance does not last – it has a due date and if you stick to your guns, and continue to move, resistance does not stand a chance.

Accordingly it has been supportive to me to, every time a resistance comes up within me, say to myself that: ‘Okay, here are you resistance – though you will not be here for ever!’ – and then I continue to push and walk through the experience. This helps because you get to understand that even though it feels overwhelming and tough, there will come a moment when the resistance is going to dissipate and you will be home through.

And then – its also supportive to know WHEN the resistance usually arise, because then you will be prepared, you will know what is coming, so that you can implement your new direction immediately as you sense that lingering urge to just not do whatever it is that you are supposed to be doing.

Just do it

The last point, and possibly the most potent of all the solutions I have walked through, and by far the most simplistic, is to: Just do it. No rocket science here – though fascinatingly enough – we tend to forget this fact and instead of moving, and directing ourselves in the physical, we start asking ourselves why we do not change, if there is something we have missed, or if there is something wrong with us, because we just cannot seem to change. I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you; all you have to do is to do it. When you resist something, you take a breath, and move yourself to do it. It cannot be simpler.

So, when you find that you are wondering, or looking at potential reasons as to why you are not becoming more disciplined, then you know that ‘Shit! I am not actually DOING it!’ – and this serves as a nice alarm to know that its now time for you to get on with the doing – stop thinking about it – Just do it!

Next blog

So, these are my four practical solutions for dealing with resistance. Test them out, play around with them, and see what works for you. Maybe you will find that a combination of the applications or slightly changed application will work better for you. Transcending and learning to direct resistance is a personal process, and thus what works for me, does not necessarily have to work for you – though at least you know have some basic tools that you are able to start with.

In my next blog I am going to go into and explain the Rewards that come when you start moving through resistance, and begin your life of self-creation – it is a truly remarkable experience and the blog will definitely be worth reading.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 258: Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance

In my past blogs in the Creating Movement Series I have gone into my own history with laziness, and also looked at some of the causes behind this particular mind construct. In this blog I will start to go through the practical solutions that I applied to walk through and direct laziness, and transform it into motivation, discipline and steadfastness. From my own experience, in order to change laziness, one of the most important points to get to grips with, and become comfortable with directing is resistance – because when you decide to change laziness into something more productive – you will face resistance and lots of it.

The usual and learned response to resistance is to simply back off – if we resist something it means bad news, discomfort, and pain. This is unfortunate, because as a matter of fact, any form of change is nearly always accompanied with resistance. In-fact this resistance can be seen in nature, as a natural law, when a object is in motion, and you try to stop it, and move it in another direction, you will experience that physical force fighting with you, until you stop it, and then move it in the direction that you want it. All motion has a force to it, and when we try to change it, there will be a period of discomfort – the same goes with changing laziness into motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

Thus, the first point to master is resistance. And in the beginning of my process of changing laziness I experienced immense amounts of resistance the moment I stood before an opportunity to act, or I faced a responsibility that I had to tend to. There was not a single cell in my body that wanted to move forward, and with each step that I took, my body felt heavier, and heavier. It felt as if the only right thing to do was to go back to the sofa or bed, to simply not change this laziness, because the thought emerged: How can I ever push through this resistance, how can I ever become effective, and productive, when this heavy experience is following me with every step that I take?

Resistance however, even though it might feel intolerable, and create the illusion that it is impossible to go any further, will pass; it will lessen, and eventually disappear. This is due to the nature of resistance, because in essence resistance is energy – and no energy has a substance and solidity that can be compared with that of the human physical body. Thus physical self-directed movement will always come out on top of the resistance, though to reach that transcendence – you will have to walk through the moment when it feels impossible. The fascinating thing is that when you push through that experience of ‘it is impossible – I can not go on any more!’ – you will see that it is only a thought, only a illusion conjured by the mind, and that it is in-fact possible to move forward, to move ahead, even though it feels impossible.

So, when the resistance comes up, it helps a lot to have this understanding, that eventually the resistance will settle, and then you will be able to do what you set out to do without any experience hindering your progress. It is so fascinating to look back at my past, and see how much it was that I resisted: I resisted cleaning, resisted writing, resisted school, resisted reading, resisted exercise, resisted being social, etc. Today, there is none, or very slight resistance towards these things – why? Because I consistently pushed myself through the resistance, I consistently reprogrammed myself, and decided for myself that resistance is not going to hold me back – I will push through it when it comes up – and thus resistance lost its meaning and purpose – there is no room for resistance anymore because I have replaced it with words/expressions that are beneficial for myself, and others – such as motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

As such – we are all able to push through resistance. Though, it does take practice, and I myself have fallen many times, given up, given in, went to bed, slept over, because I felt overpowered by the resistance. And here is another thing to remember, that it does not help to be hard on yourself when you fall, rather, stand up again, look at why the fall occurred – and move forward. Eventually you will not fall anymore, though there is a process to be walked until one is able to get to that point where the trust exists within self that each time resistance comes up – I will push through.

In my next blog I will walk through the Practical Solutions that I have found for handling and directing resistance.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 206: Following Plans

Something that tends to stress me out is when I make plans for myself – a particular time where I am supposed to be somewhere, or do something – and then I notice that this plan isn’t going to work for me. That I am going to be to late, or not have time for the scheduled event, or that something else have come up that is a high priority and that must go before my initial plan.

This stresses me out because suddenly there isn’t that systematic and very clear structure in my mind of what I am going to do during my day, how I am going to proceed, what I require to think about, what I can expect do be done at what time and so on. Rather it feels like a blur inside me mind, and as if I am standing before an unknown variable – an unknown play-out – as if I am walking on ice.

I find it interesting because most of the times I do have the time to complete my tasks, and responsibilities, though the times may shift – I may do it later in the evening, the next day, or some other day during the week – though the common theme is that I tend to find time for myself to get done what I must get done. And this is what I’d like to bring through in this blog, that there is no reason to stress or become bewildered solely because I’m not able to follow through on my schedule – because the thing is that physical reality can’t always be scheduled. Something might come up, something might change, something might happen – and in that moment the schedule must take a backseat and I must allow me to improvise.

And I’m actually good at improvising, so it’s strange that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to improvise – its instead as if I’ve placed an exuberant amount of trust in the power of the schedule, in the power of what I should do at what time, and that this must be my main direction at all times – and that as soon as I step out of the safe confines of the schedule – I’m in dangerous waters and must immediately eject myself from the potentially destructive situation.

Thus – what I am going to work with here in this blog is self-trust – and realizing that even though I might not follow my calendar to the tee – it’s not reason to get stressed out and worried – and I can rather deal with the situations as they emerge – and direct them in such a way that will be beneficial for everyone that is involved.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out and worried when I’ve a schedule to follow and I notice that I am not able to follow that schedule, and that I’m falling or lagging behind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate this situation with stress, and anxiety – and that something is wrong, and bad – and that I must immediately get myself back on track through saving my time, and spurting, to get back into the schedule – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself outside of the schedule – and trust myself that I will get done what I’ve set out to do – though maybe not in the time that I’ve scheduled for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that having a schedule should be like an assistance and support for me to structure and design my day so that it’s practical and effective – and that it shouldn’t be a mental blockage and an idea that I must follow this schedule to the tea, and that as soon as I deviate, something is deadly wrong and must immediately be corrected and placed back into working order – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out at the beginning of my day – when looking at what must be done – what commitments must walked – what responsibilities must be handled – in fear that I won’t be able to keep up with my schedule

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to keep up with my schedule, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the schedule my god – and my point of self-trust – and place into the schedule that which I am not giving to myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as self-trust, and stand as the point of god in myself and my world – wherein I do act on what I see is best for me – and best for all – and move myself in the starting point of being practical and getting done that which I’ve set out to do – and not accepting and allowing myself to compromise and hold back through allowing emotions to dictate who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a habit of going into stress in the morning when I see my mental schedule before me – and when I perceive that I am lagging behind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I do notice that I lag behind – and that there is an important point that I don’t get the time to direct – then I can simply make time for that point through making sure that I give myself time later during that day – or later when I do see and notice that I have some time for myself that I’m able to spend on whatever it is that I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a habit to be stressed when I’m not able to follow plans and ideas in my mind of what I should do – when I should do it – and how I should do it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the momentum and flow of the physical – as accepting and allowing myself to move with what is here – to move with time instead of chasing time – to trust myself that I will in every moment of breath be able to deal with time – walk with time – and do what is necessary to be done in time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in regards to my studies and my work – be stressed out that it’s taking too much time – and that I too little time to perfect these points – and really make them effective and specific – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead walk the point of studies and work in self-trust – in when this fear comes up – and when the thoughts come up that I don’t have sufficient amount of time – to remind myself that I can always gift myself more time if I see that this is required – and that at the moment there is no cross-reference indicating that I place too little time in the point – and thus no requirement for me to change my investment – and that I can thus walk the point without stress and fear – and rather trust myself to use the time at my disposal as effectively and specifically as possible

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect stress energy and anxiety to not following my plans and my calendar – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself – in terms of thinking that without a calendar – without a specific and exact knowledge of my future and how things are going to pan out – I’m hopelessly lost on the seas of change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as not being sufficiently stable and enabled to stand in a position of stability and movement even though I’m not absolutely sure as to what might come in the future – and what shape and form it might take

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my mornings and my hours of waking up to stress and anxiety – wherein I imagine within my mind the entire day as it’s going to play out – and what I am going to do – how I’m going to do it – what needs to be done – what requires to be pushed and so forth – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a anxiety towards this point – and believe that only because I’ve many things planned – and that there are requirements for me to fulfill – that I then require to go into stress and move myself in stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to complete one thing at a time – to do one thing at a time – to move one point after another and to thus not try to skip some steps through stressing about without any sense of stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect following a plan and a schedule to stress and anxiety – and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require stress in order to keep to my schedule – that I require stress in order to keep my direction and momentum – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a misunderstanding of what it is means to actually move myself – because self-movement in itself doesn’t require stress – doesn’t require energy – doesn’t require a schedule – as I have everything here in order to move myself – thus I see, realize and understand that the point missing within me is self-trust – and self-trust is what I require to develop and stand as in order to be able to move myself with stability and confidence in my world wherein there is no fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with times and calendars – plans and goals – to the extent where I’ve allowed myself to loose my groundedness and the realization that my life is actually HERE – that my point of power and creation is actually within and as each and every moment of breath – and that it’s not something that comes through in stress, anxiety and being inflexible and dogmatic with my calendars – and decisions for the future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to in regards to moving myself in this life – to do that within and as self-trust and self-confidence – to deal with each moment as it arise – as it comes into my world and reality – and trust myself that I’ll be able to direct it specifically and effectively

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into thinking about my day in terms of a whole, and a massive amount of responsibilities that I’ll probably not be able to fulfill, and that I’ll miss something – and I within that notice me enticing and starting up a system of stress – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this system of stress is in-fact created by me through seeing the whole of my day in-front me – instead of seeing what requires to be done HERE – and then moving myself to deal with and direct that point here – and thus I commit myself to push myself to deal with one moment at a time – to look at what requires to be done here and then do it – and not imagine myself into the future – and look at what must possibly be done somewhere out there – somewhere in the future – but stick to my guns that are here and move myself with breath in every moment

When and as I se that I am going into a state of stress because I fear that I am going to not be able to follow through on my schedules – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a schedule is only a point of support and structure – for me to be able to more effectively use my time and manage my responsibilities throughout a day – and that it doesn’t define WHO I AM – and that thus – not being able to follow a schedule isn’t in itself super-bad – rather it means that I’ve not taken some points into account – and that I require to deal with the moment that is here and thus deviate from my schedule – and thus I commit myself to deal with this situation as it emerge – and to stand in breath and in the moment and direct the point without going into my mind and looking at the situation from an emotional starting point – rather I stick with what is here – work with what requires to be done and moved here – what requires to be completed here