Tag Archives: trust

Day 353: Self-Forgiveness On Fears In Relation To Money and Employment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the more money you have the more valuable you are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rich people are more valuable than poor people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that rich people are more intelligent than poor people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that poor people are stupid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having more money means that I am successful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that owning a lot of things, having a lot of money means that I have done something good and worthwhile with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have my clarity and direction become clogged and limited, due to the desire to have more money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have more money so that I am able to feel safe and secure in this world – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that the only way that security can be created in this world, will be through giving ALL people a dignified and proper life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive towards and desire to have my life become more through having more money – and in this forget and not care about what others are going through – and how my desires and wants influence and ripple into this world – creating consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I cannot possibly create and have a comfortable lifestyle, only for myself, and then not care at all about the rest of this world, as fact is that, I am part of this world, and on a deep level within myself, I will always be aware of and know the atrocities committed on a daily basis, and that in order for me to find peace, I must will myself to act

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to create and give myself a purpose that involves more than only myself – as I see, realize and understand, that this way, I will be able to truly let go of my fears, and my personal desires, that only creates more consequence than pleasure, and that I can thus find peace in striving to create something for the many that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the system for granted, and completely trust the system to work, to be there for me, to function, and that as long as I am loyal and give myself to the system, then I will be rewarded and given the necessary resources to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being loyal to the system in fear that the system is going to exclude me and that I am not going to be allowed to be a part of the money system – and have access to money – to stuff, products, entertainment, things that I can use to pass my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the system and distrust myself – to believe that the system is more powerful than me – and that in order to survive – I must devote myself to the system and give myself – my future – my life to the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being devoted to the system – in fear that this is going to be seen and that I will be rejected and pushed away from the system – excommunicated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money – and to believe that money is more powerful than me – and that I must serve money loyally or it might strike down upon me with a vengeance

When and as I see myself going into, and experiencing a fear towards the money system, as in fear that I will become pushed away and excommunicated, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear within me is holding me back from living fully – that I am not allowing myself to trust myself and live and create as what would be best for me – thus I commit myself to breathe through my fear – and then push myself to live my full potential as what I see is best for me – and best for all – and stick with my self-honesty and self-trust – and not accept and allow myself to loose my direction and deviate because of fear

When and as I see myself going into fear towards my superiors, towards someone in my environment with a higher position in the system, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself, holding myself back, and accepting and allowing irrational believes to control me, not seeing that I am equal and one – that there is no difference between me and someone with a higher position in the system – and thus I commit myself to push myself to live equality – to stop fears and anxieties and express my genuine being and self-expression – and to not accept and allow myself to suppress and hold myself back due to fear


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 340: Acceptance

Acceptance, generally speaking parents tend to teach children that this is something to be found externally. And sure, in some aspect they are correct, in the sense that our environment can either accept or reject us. The question however, is whether this form of acceptance that we try to win from people is real. What do I mean by real? With real, I mean that this acceptance is substantial, trustworthy, consistent, that it is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Obviously, it is clear that the acceptance we gain from people in our external environment is very much conditional, unpredictable and shallow. Not something that we should base our life upon at all.

Acceptance in society is based upon keeping in line with and following certain norms and rules, written and unwritten, and when we do that, we will usually be accepted. However, acceptance is unpredictable, because norms change, an action, even though performed with the intention of being in line with the norms, can be perceived by others differently. Hence, defining self-acceptance in relation to others is a bad idea. If we accept and allow our acceptance of ourselves to be defined by something that is separate from ourselves, we will always be a slave to that point. The solution is unconditional self-acceptance.

Now, an interesting point to look deeper into is WHY we do not accept ourselves, but rather pursue an acceptance out there. What I have found for myself is that this issue is caused by a lack of self-value. I have as such not seen myself as being valuable and worthy enough to accept myself, and that hence, to get a sufficient amount of acceptance, I must be accepted out there as well. This is interesting, because this experience indicates that I perceive others to be more valuable, that obviously begs the question WHY? How come I do not see myself as having an equal value to others? How come I believe that the best possible road ahead would be to follow and do what everyone else is doing? Where does this pattern come from?

If we go back and look at our childhood, a common theme is that we as children are not seen as good enough to make our own decisions. Parents constantly meddles with our lives and independence, and very few children are ever allowed to explore this world by their own volition. This creates a conflict within us as young, because in-fact, as children, even though we might look and think differently, we are still very much clear and aware of ourselves and our life. We know what we want, what is good for us, what is bad for us, and who we are. However, that awareness is mostly disregarded and shunned by the adult world, simply because we are children. For me, I can see that this experience, and conflict, of continuously being told to shut up and listen to those that ‘know’ has stuck with me into adult life, and now, it is a more general experience of not valuing myself, and hence, not seeing myself as having the authority to accept myself.

What is the solution to this problem?

Accepting myself is a decision that I can make, and I clearly see that I have the value and authority to make that decision. And in-fact, that authority comes by virtue of being alive, aware, and able to create. I can make a decision as to what words that I am going to live, and there is no valid reason as to why I should not accept myself.

How can acceptance then be lived practically?

An inspiration for me when it comes to living acceptance practically is animals. They are unconditional, and regardless of what they are going, they never look to anyone else for acceptance. Animals do not have peers that they become influenced by, they stand alone, within their own expression, and stick with that, seeing the world without distractions, seeing it purely from within themselves.

Thus, for myself, I see that I can apply acceptance through not comparing myself with others, and stopping that process of thinking, where I look at myself, and something I have done, through how I believe that I look in the eyes of others. Instead of comparing myself, and placing my focus on others, I will push myself to bring my attention back HERE – and ask myself – WHO AM I within all of this? HOW DO I want to experience myself within all of this?

And another point that is also important and that I must remind myself of – is that acceptance is a decision. Self-acceptance is not something that will simply come one day, it is a decision made here, a word that is lived and applied HERE, a process of creation walked in the moment – and thus it is completely up to me whether I enable myself to live self-acceptance or not.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to decide that I will accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know how to accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot accept myself because acceptance must come from the outside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance does not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to others and be compliant to be accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield, and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted and liked by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself, and immediately try to please others without looking within, as to whether it is something I want to do, or that I am able to do, because I fear not being accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes, and judge myself for making mistakes, because I believe others judge me, and others do not accept me anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disappointing or vexing another by not agreeing with them, or by showing them that I have done what they expected of me to do, and thus lie in order to make sure that I am still accepted by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define acceptance as more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance is something that must be given to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that will come by me being liked by others and accepted in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I must gain by being nice and having many friends and a stable life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through having money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a mental and emotional melt-down the moment when I believe/think that people are against me – that they are seeing me as a burden and as someone that compromise their physical living

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself searching for self-acceptance in my external reality, I take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that self-acceptance is something that I must create here by myself – and that I cannot ever get this through acquiring the liking of others – thus I commit myself to trust myself – to actively develop self-acceptance through stopping judgment and practicing understanding myself and finding solutions to problems

I commit myself to find solutions that problems and issues that I face – to not judge myself – but instead look at what I can do to change the problem and to find a way forward where I learn and expand and take something with me


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 269: Hierarchies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people that are above me in the hierarchy in my work place – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into inferiority, and fear when communicating with someone that have a higher and more important position in comparison with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to position, according to where I am in a hierarchy, whether I am on top, or on bottom, whether I am the most experienced, or the least experienced, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my experience of myself depending on what position I have, and what position another have, and feel/be more comfortable with myself when others have lower positions than me, and I can define myself/experience myself as having a higher position than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to acquire a feeling of being comfortable with myself through gaining a more desirable, and attainable position than what others have, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that when another have a more rewarding position than what I have, in terms of monetary benefits, then that person is better than me, is superior to me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I do not need to define myself according to money, and define my value/importance according to money – but to see, realize and understand that all are in-fact equal – and that money/status/position doesn’t change this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for me to become more stable, more comfortable, and at ease with myself, I require to gain more money, and attain a higher position in comparison with others, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself limit my living, and my expression of the word comfort – in thinking that for me to live this word I require to have more money than others – I must be the winner of the money competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back, and fear expressing myself when I am around others that have a higher grade, and a better standing than me in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself, and fear being myself around others, in thinking that I will not be accepted, and that I am not liked, and that I am strange and dislikable, and that people doesn’t want to have anything to do with me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my real, genuine self-expression, in the belief that its dirty, and wrong, and that in order for me89tatus, and become someone/something in eyes of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my stability/standing on how much money I have in the system – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the only point that I require to stand stable in the system is my trust in myself – my trust that I will stand by and with myself and walk in stability throughout my life – and regardless of what I face – always remember and remind myself of my purpose – which is to create a life that is best for all and bring through the expression of what is best for all in everything that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my stability, and standing, on what position I have in the system, and on what career I make of myself in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let career, money, and position define me, and set up who I am, and what I am capable of doing, and what I am not capable of doing, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget myself – and who I am – and that I am in-fact capable of standing and walking in stability throughout my life – and create a future for myself that is truly magnificent – and that is truly effective – and that is best for all – and that I do not have to limit and confine this movement of and as myself to be connected to money/position/who I am in this system

When and as I see that I am holding myself back, or waiting with living/expressing/creating my life, because I believe that I do not yet hold the necessary position to create my life, to fulfill myself, and build a future for myself and this world, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to create – and that I do not have to wait for anything – that I do not have to wait for me to get a particular spot in the system – that I do not have to wait for me to get a particular salary – that I can decide here that I will live fulfillment as WHO I AM – and thus not anymore wait; and thus I commit myself to live in every moment – every day – the word fulfillment – in realizing that I am full here – and that I can create and build my life here in every moment – and that waiting for that is an illusion that is not real

I commit myself to stand with the courage, and stability, to be an equal participant in this world, and understand that money, position, and career does not make me – I make/create myself – and thus I commit myself to stand equal and one regardless of what position I am within – regardless of what my duties and responsibilities are – I commit myself to remember, and remind myself – that I am here – and that my primary responsibility is to walk my process of birthing myself from the physical as life

Day 261: Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance

In this blog we are going to look closer at some practical solutions for resistance, that I have found works effectively. There are four applications that I have discovered helps a lot when that resistance comes up from within – and I will be walking through them in order.

Be clear on you new direction

The first solution is to be clear on your direction. In order to be able to walk through that tough, and difficult moment, when the resistance comes up, and you do not feel like doing anything, it is important that you have your direction in place. Basically this means the following: You know WHY you are changing, you know HOW you are going to change, you know WHAT will happen if you do not change (consequences) and you know WHAT will happen if you change (rewards).

If you are not clear on these points within yourself, you are going to find it much easier to give in, and give up when the resistance towards movement comes up from within. The reason for this being that you have not established a purpose, and reason for yourself, you are trying to change something, yet you are not entirely clear on why, how and what you are changing. Thus, my suggestion is that you sit down with yourself, and write out your reasons for changing.

Lets take an example from my own life, my law-studies. Now I experienced resistance towards studying and reading the course literature, though I knew that I had to do it in order to be able to pass my exams. Thus, I wrote about the point and established the following: I am changing this resistance into actually reading my books BECAUSE (why) I want to be able to earn my living as a lawyer. I will change this resistance through (how) sitting down and reading my books for two hours every day. If I do not do this for myself, I might not be able to pass my exams, and thus I cannot become a lawyer (consequence). Though if I do sit down and read the literature, I will pass my exams, and be able to have a enjoyable and challenging job in my future (reward).

Placing it before myself in this way I was able to clearly see the value in changing myself, and why I had to do it – and this helped me to push through in those moments when I did not feel like reading or putting down any time in my education.

Stick with your body

The next solution is to Stick With Your Body. Now, what does that mean? Well, look at it this way: Resistance is a energy that comes up from within, telling you to act and behave in a certain way – and this energy will feel real and overpowering when you go into it, start feeding it, paying attention to it, and change yourself according to it. But, if we take a look at your physical body – you will see that regardless of the resistance that comes up within you, it will still be there, the heart will still be beating, lungs and breathing working perfectly – most parts of the body will be stable, still and the same as before the resistance – and this is important to notice.

Resistance as such does not affect the body and instead the body moves itself on the basis of practical considerations, and if it would not do that – we would be dead a long time ago. Thus, if you, instead of going into the resistance energy, place your focus and attention on your breathing, and the sensations of your physical body – this will allow you to use the body as a point of grounding/stabilization. And when you stand with the body, on the ground, you are going to notice a fascinating thing: The resistance does not have power over you – it is only a energy – and regardless of its intensity you are still able to decide on how you move within and as your human physical body.

To sum it up: The body/physical matter transcends resistance – and when you stand with the body – you will be able to use its stability and groundedness to support yourself to move through the resistance and come out on the other side.

Know your enemy

The third solution is to know your enemy, and with this I do not mean that you should go into war with resistance and your mind – no – what I mean is that it is important to understand how resistance moves, and when it moves. My observations on this point is that resistance moves in quickly, and will peak after a while, but if you continue to move through the resistance, it will run out of fuel and die out. As such – resistance does not last – it has a due date and if you stick to your guns, and continue to move, resistance does not stand a chance.

Accordingly it has been supportive to me to, every time a resistance comes up within me, say to myself that: ‘Okay, here are you resistance – though you will not be here for ever!’ – and then I continue to push and walk through the experience. This helps because you get to understand that even though it feels overwhelming and tough, there will come a moment when the resistance is going to dissipate and you will be home through.

And then – its also supportive to know WHEN the resistance usually arise, because then you will be prepared, you will know what is coming, so that you can implement your new direction immediately as you sense that lingering urge to just not do whatever it is that you are supposed to be doing.

Just do it

The last point, and possibly the most potent of all the solutions I have walked through, and by far the most simplistic, is to: Just do it. No rocket science here – though fascinatingly enough – we tend to forget this fact and instead of moving, and directing ourselves in the physical, we start asking ourselves why we do not change, if there is something we have missed, or if there is something wrong with us, because we just cannot seem to change. I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you; all you have to do is to do it. When you resist something, you take a breath, and move yourself to do it. It cannot be simpler.

So, when you find that you are wondering, or looking at potential reasons as to why you are not becoming more disciplined, then you know that ‘Shit! I am not actually DOING it!’ – and this serves as a nice alarm to know that its now time for you to get on with the doing – stop thinking about it – Just do it!

Next blog

So, these are my four practical solutions for dealing with resistance. Test them out, play around with them, and see what works for you. Maybe you will find that a combination of the applications or slightly changed application will work better for you. Transcending and learning to direct resistance is a personal process, and thus what works for me, does not necessarily have to work for you – though at least you know have some basic tools that you are able to start with.

In my next blog I am going to go into and explain the Rewards that come when you start moving through resistance, and begin your life of self-creation – it is a truly remarkable experience and the blog will definitely be worth reading.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 209: The Fountain of Life

Since I began opening up my point of purpose a couple of interesting realizations have emerged – and one of these are in relation to my choice of career – my decision of what I am going to do in this life in order to make money.

The problem that I’ve been facing is that of continuously preparing, changing and altering myself in order to fit into the idea of my future, and the concept of what I am going to do with my life, and the projection of how my life will pan out – thus – trying to alter and mold myself in this breath here in order to fit into a concept of a future that I’ve created in my mind – naturally this is going to cause problems.

This is not the first time that I’ve done this – creating a goal – a end-station – a point of future fulfillment and then going full on to reach that is a trait that have been with me since I can remember. The tendency is thus to formulate a final destination in my mind and then attempt and try to shape myself here – to fit into that idea of a final destination – instead of walking in the moment – within self-trust – knowing my direction and my purpose – and thus taking it breath by breath – realizing that I can only create in alignment with me and my physical if I am HERE and aware of what is going on both within and without.

Because when following a goal, a dream, a clearly defined picture in my mind – neither me as a being, nor my physical reality is taken into account – and consequently points are compromised, forgotten or missed – and the end result even though the initial goal might be fulfilled is not at all what it makes out to be – it’s rather a picture that underneath holds a lot of suffering and harm that was lived out in order to create the idea of the perfect life.

This is what I did when I decided to become a famous and recognized guitar player – I made a goal within me of what I wanted to become – then I started to shape all of my life, myself, my looks, my clothes, what I used my time for, everything, in order to attain that one singular future – obviously resulting in compromises – also resulting in me not seeing that guitar and music might not be the things that best complement my expression – not seeing that there are many other opportunities in my world that might be more relevant for me to walk into if accept and allow myself to do so.

Thus – goals, dreams, future hopes – when made into absolutes they become blindfolds and barricades that limits us from living HERE – because to live HERE we require to open to what comes our way – open to changes, new directions, new considerations, new perspectives, new people, new goals, new insights – unknown variables that we’re not able to foresee – but that unfolds as we walk the purpose and the decision we’ve given to ourselves.

As such it’s important that we give ourselves direction – to give ourselves purpose and a way forward – yet that way forward must only ever be a road sign – a sense of direction – that “Okay – I am going this way!” – not an absolute truth of how our future must turn out – not a undebatable religion that must be fulfilled at all cost – because a road sign must not determine the final destination – that must be something I do here – I am the driver and the road sign is merely a road signing pointing the direction as to where I want to go – yet I am actively creating – willing and moving myself towards the destination – as I proceed forward in life.

Here what opens up is the point of standing as the fountain of life – and making that fountain of expression that is me the point of creation from which my movement flows and moves – it’s thus a complete shift in perspective that is required – to instead of moving from the idea of where I should go – move from HERE as SEEING where I am to go next – where I am going to place my foot thereafter. Thus – making the pivotal point of movement MYSELF – SELF – the fountain of life HERE.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require the mind in order to create – and that the only way to create my future is to attempt and try to change myself here into what I believe is required and needed for me to build my future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself within and as self-trust – and moving and directing myself in the moment to create my future and external reality with me as the primary point of creation – as the fountain of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself as a fountain of life – and as a movement and as the motivation to create and bring things into motion – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead place my trust into plans, goals and techniques – and ways to reach what I believe I require and need in order to get somewhere – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as the fountain of life – and create my life and living HERE – create my future HERE – create my career and my relationship to money HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’ve been limiting myself in relation to self-creation – and in relation to creating my life and my future – through giving authority to the mind – as believing that in order for me to create and build – in order for me to further myself – move myself and get ahead – I require to emulate and mold myself here – and prepare myself into a particular shape and form to be able to fit into my future and my coming life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to walk into the future – to walk into my life – to walk here and direct myself in accordance with what is opening up in the moment – to trust myself that I’ll be able to direct and live my life here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become inflexible in relation to creation – wherein I believe that I require to form one plan – one idea – one fix notion of what my future must become – and how my future must be – and then that I shape and form myself here in order for me to fit into my future – and fit into my becoming in this world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk into this life and this world as the fountain of life – and trust myself that I’ll be able to open up and direct my life in each and every moment as it opens up – that I’ll be able to create myself and direct myself according to the points that emerge and that I can find solutions and ways to deal with my life as I see it develops and moves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to stand as the fountain of life in relation to money and career – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that in order for me to create an effective future for myself – I must become something different from what I am here – instead of me creating my future as a expression of myself – as something that I move from here into creation – that I move from myself as the living breath and the living movement of the physical into actuality and physical manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m able to walk a purpose and a direction in my life – and that I make this purpose and direction my stability and groundedness – and that I then move from this point – yet I don’t accept and allow myself to become controlled and limited by any goal or plan – but that I remain here with myself in realizing that all creation stem from this point of HERE – and that in order for creation to be effective and potent – I require to be stable within myself – and make the movement of my life come into creation from myself as the fountain of life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of inflexibility, as moving myself from within and as a starting point that I must change myself, mold myself, and refigure myself in order to fit into my idea of how my future should play out – I stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I make the goal and the plan more than me – more than what is here – more than common sense in the moment – I am limiting myself and my creation of myself into the physical – and I am making myself less effective because I wait for me to change and mold myself into what I believe I must be instead of me moving and directing myself to express myself; thus I commit myself to stand as the fountain of life – and create my future – create my life – create myself HERE – and trust myself that I will walk what comes up in my world – that I will direct myself according to the points that I see are developing here and find solutions – and find the way forward

I commit myself to trust myself to stand as the fountain of life in my world – and to create my external reality equal and one to this fountain of life – and thus CREATE myself and my life – CREATE what I want my life to be – and not anymore wait for things to emerge – and hope that things are going to happen – but move myself everyday to actually will a change in my life and in myself that I’m satisfied and content with

Day 178: Unconscious Ideas of Life

I am continuing my process of uncovering fear and anxiety in relation to the future – and in particular fears regarding money, career, education, and housing.

Yesterday I asked my partner she could support my in laying tarot cards on this point, she did that, and the following emerged: Life and responsibility is something that I’ve placed outside of myself and that I see as being very fragile things that unless I constantly tend to them, and make sure they function and are properly in place – they will fall apart. Thus, fear is something that has come up within me in relation to my future, because I feel unable to effectively handle life, and from my perspective, it’s more like an egg that I balance on spoon, while I am at the same time running forward, dodging, and zigzagging to avoid obstacles.

The delusion I’ve created is that I will through this running, and pushing myself forward in life, at one stage, or time be able to relax, and let go – to put that egg away and breathe out. The problem though, is that there exist no such stage or future time, and that regardless of how many projects, or methods I develop, to ensure my life, my financial success, my comfort, and lifestyle, that experience of life being like wobbly egg on a spoon will persist – because the core-point has not effectively been dealt with.

Thus, in this blog I am going to look at the core-point, which is as I currently see it located in a memory from my teens. I was around seventeen years old, and had some years left in school before I was supposed to wander into the world by myself. At this time I began to question what skills, and abilities I’d attained throughout my life, and I concluded that they were few and far in-between. This thought-construct came up and develop from within and as a experience and starting point of fear, and anxiety, and primarily the worry was related to how I would be able to deal with my future – what would I be able to do with my life when I knew absolutely nothing at all? Would I slowly but surely sink into non-existence as my life came to be more and more irrelevant? That was my origin fear – the fear of not being able to do anything with myself and my life and that it would just vanish – and that my life would come to nothing.

So, in this I decided to develop skills, and abilities, and it was specifically done from this starting point of fear – and I moved myself very diligently and with great perseverance – yet: It was all based upon fear – and here I am today – wherein this fear is still prevalent within me – because of this one point – where I decided that I can’t trust myself to walk into my life and deal with it – stabilize myself within it – and make something out of myself – but that I must develop and create some form of skill that I can define myself according to – in order for me to be sure that my life will not fall apart the moment I step out of my parents protective sphere and start caring for and directing my own life and living.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state within myself, that because I have no skills, and no abilities, I will not be able to care for, and attend to, and direct my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and form the solution within me, that I must acquire, and build skills for myself so that I am able survive in this world, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to develop, and create skills for myself in this world, from a starting point of fear, and self-distrust, in believing that I am not able to handle, and effectively direct my life, and living, and I am not able to stabilize myself without being certain that I have money, and I have the skills I require in order to attain the particular professions that I require to place myself in to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to develop skills from a starting point of fear, and self-distrust, in thinking to myself that I am not able to trust myself, and I am not able to rely upon myself in walking, and participating in this world, and that I require, and need someone else to guide me, and help, or I need, and require some form of skill or ability that I am able to rely upon and that can help me get through my life so that I am able to survive, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, and anxiety, and give into these experiences, and design my life around these experiences, in believing that they are real, and that I am not able to trust myself, and I am not able to build a life for myself, because I am somehow, simply not equipped, and stable enough, to go out and create and build myself, and stand stable and certain in my life, unless I have these skills and abilities in my backpack

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead trust myself that I will be able to walk out into this world and direct myself – to develop the skills necessary for me to handle my life, to if I find myself in a situation where I don’t have developed skills or abilities, that I then direct myself to do so, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I will be able to direct and handle, and take on, and walk the situations in my life that come up, and that I don’t need some form of additional experience, skill or ability to do that, and that I as such only need and require myself – my human physical body here – and that I direct myself HERE to deal with what emerge in my life on a moment per moment basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself in terms of being able to walk and handle and direct my life effectively, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that my effectiveness, and ability in terms of handling, and directing my life is dependent upon a ability, a skill, or a experience, upon money, upon my future, upon my past, instead realizing that I can trust myself to direct my life – that I don’t need and require to attain and have something more – or something better – or something more extravagant than myself – and that it’s about WHO I AM within and as each and every moment of breath – it’s about who I decide to be and how I decide to live and how I decide to approach my life and the problems that emerge that I require to direct – that is what will make the difference as to whether I will live a effective life or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and see, realize and understand that what I require in order to be effective in life is not skills, or abilities, but rather that I am present, aware, and HERE, ready and able to direct and move myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead of focusing upon creating skills and abilities for myself, focus upon me remaining present, aware and stable here – not reacting, not becoming emotional, and not becoming possessed with experiences, but rather remaining factual, and objective – and developing solutions and directing problems as they emerge – and realizing that this is what I require to perfect in order for me to walk through my life effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of self-trust – and expand myself within this self-trust in developing the ability take my decisions upon basis of common sense as I face challenges and difficult points and situations throughout my life and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the decision within myself that I am not able to trust myself, and to believe that the only way I will be able to get myself through this lifetime is through acquiring certain abilities and skills, acquiring money, and a profession that is stable, so that I can be certain that I will survive, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in making that decision, I set myself up for a lifetime of fear, wherein I’ve placed myself in separation from life, and in separation from responsibility, instead of standing as those points as myself – and living as life – living as responsibility – and thus not anymore trying to fix, or repair, or direct my life to become safe, and secure, in order for me to make it through my life – but instead trusting myself that whatever might come and emerge in my life – I will find a solution – I will direct myself – and I will place myself in a position and in a stand that will be supportive for myself and those around me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of self-distrust, in believing that I require a particular skill, or ability, or future play-out in order to make it, and be safe, and secure, and stable, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here to my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that this is only a fix, and an attempt to repair an underlying issue which is that I don’t trust myself to walk through life and direct myself effectively, and find solutions to the issues and problems that I face – and thus I commit myself to develop myself as my direction and my self-trust in standing stable and effective HERE – finding solutions and move through difficult times and challenges through establishing routes and plans – and movements that will be supportive for me as well as those around me – thus trusting myself to deal with and direct life as it emerge and develop – instead of trusting that skills and abilities will do this for me

I commit myself to develop self-trust – through pushing myself to trust myself as I walk into the future, and into the unknown – that I will direct the challenges and problems – that I will find solutions – and that I will not give up upon myself – but instead push myself until I am satisfied that I’ve established effective ways of directing my life that is best for all

Day 173: Trusting Myself Whatever May Come

I am continuing walking what I began in my last blog – and it’s in relation to the topic of fear and worry towards the future, and specifically one dimension that contributes to creating this point – which is the lack of self-trust.

In my last blog I showed through walking a mind-construct the fascinating nature of fear, where the interesting aspect of this energy is that it trigger me to search for a solution – a way out of the fear – yet that point will also exist within the nature of fear – and thus what happens is that there is a fear roundabout – where solutions are created to sooth the fear, and because those solutions are based on fear, more fear-solutions are required to sooth the new fear – and so this point accumulates, and more, and more so-called solutions are created in order to avoid the initial fear.

Obviously, there is much easier way to deal with this – and that is to forgive the fear – to understand the fear – to walk into the belly of the beast and investigate the fear and what it actually consists out of.

So, let’s again look at my thoughts more closely – what is the nature of my thoughts?

I can see that one aspect of the thoughts is the fear of making a mistake, and if I make a mistake, I will found out to late, and then I am going to have to face the consequences of my decision, which will be uncomfortable and unsafe. The inner projection goes something like this: I see myself in the future, I notice that I haven’t effectively planned my way into the future, and that my life is not taking on the shape and form that I hoped for, I then go into fear, and think that, I shouldn’t have made that decision à which in real time causes me to go into conflict about a particular fear-solution that I’ve established in my mind.

Really, what is that I am able to learn from this entire carousel?

Well, the most basic insight is that decisions shouldn’t ever be based upon fear, ever, and the simple reason for this being that it doesn’t produce very effective decisions, because one tend become paranoid, and create all types and forms of events, and failures in one’s mind before one have even begun to walk the point in physical reality, which is obviously very fascinating – thus – in order to for real establish a solution for the future – the first point that must be settled once for all is the fear – there can’t be any fear if there is to be an effective movement into the unknown.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to create solutions for me fear, through creating more future projections, not realizing that these are also based upon fear, and that the origin point isn’t dealt with, the origin point being lack of self-trust, lack of self-reliance, a belief that regardless of what I do, I am going to fail, and the worst possible scenarios will come my way, and be in my way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that first and foremost, before any decisions are made, I first require to deal with my fears – I first require to establish that self-trust in me – that regardless of what might come – I will walk into the future and direct the future and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or manipulated by fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in relation to the future, to trust myself that when I walk into the future, I will stick to my breath, and my physical direct application here, and I will move myself through any challenge, and any difficult, and I will create my life as what is best for all – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist, within and as this state of constant protectionism, a constant state of preparation, wherein I am preparing myself for the worst, and attempting and trying to find countermeasures, and ways in which I will be able to save myself from the fears that arise in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the more I think, the more I polarize my life, and the more fear I create – the more hopes, and desires – the more fears – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution here is to let go of my fears and anxieties – and walk into my future with a straight back and not accept and allow myself to look back in despair and worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this fear I am generating in my mind, comes from this idea and belief that I can’t trust myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to state within myself, that I am not able to trust myself, that I am not able to rely upon myself, that I am not able to walk into the future, because I am not effective in my movement, direction, and functionality – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of developing self-trust, and self-reliance, and seeing that I am able to walk into the future and deal with any point that comes my way – to instead place my trust in fear, and anxiety, and see and believe that these points are my haven, that they are my security, and that without anxiety, and stress, and fear – I won’t be able to walk into and create a life for myself in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of trusting myself – trust fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when and as fear comes up immediately step in – and state within me that I don’t require this fear anymore – because I stand as my own point of self-trust – thus I will walk with myself into the future and I will stand by myself and make sure that I get done what is required to be done – and thus this fear is no longer required or necessary – I instead stand as this point of self-support and self-assistance in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as fear of the future, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the so-called solutions I come up with in my mind are actually but more fear, wherein I create another scenario of fear in my mind, and generate even more fear, and within this I see, realize and understand that the solution is not more fear – the solution is not more anxiety – the solution is not more thinking – the solution is slowing down – and specifically forgiving all of these fears, and not anymore giving attention to, and accepting and allowing myself to become self-obsessed and possessed within and as these fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an idea that I must do more courses the next semester, from a fear that unless I do so, I won’t get a job, and within this create fear, that if I do more courses, I will get a less effective grade on what I am doing, and then this will contribute to me not getting a job, and getting my hands on money – and thus I realize that the origin point is not the studies, is not my education – I mean that’s simply a practical point of consideration – what is the origin point is FEAR – and the lack of self-trust that I will be able to stand up and walk into and direct myself in my world – and face the challenges that might arise in my world and walk through them – and direct them – and not accept and allow myself to waver and hold back within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to walk through my fears, and to stop my fears, and realize that this is a point that I’ve not yet completely lived and applied, the point of actually, in-fact stopping myself in the moments when I notice I want to go into and think about my future, and start planning my future, and attempt to avoid some form of fearful outflow that I imagine for myself where my life will be without meaning, without purpose, and I will not be able to deal with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to make each day a fear stopping day – and fear forgiveness day – where I forgive each fear that comes up within my mind immediately – and then I stop myself from venturing further into thoughts of fear – and I bring myself back HERE – and I participate – interact and live HERE

Self-commitments

Thus – today is my fear stopping day – and I commit myself to live this application through stopping future projections, stopping myself from following thoughts that I know are triggered by anxiety or fear, and forgiving the fears when they arise within me

Thus I commit myself to bring my trust back to myself here through letting go of the projections, through letting go of the fear, and inserting a new program – that is self-trust and self-reliance HERE – and I commit myself to live and apply through making sure that I take responsibility for and direct my life in any given moment – and that I live HERE – and that I plan my future and walk into my future from a starting point of HERE as what is best for all – as what will produce the best possible outcome for everyone involved – and thus I commit myself to insert this point into my daily life and living and not anymore accept and allow myself to be obsessed and possessed with fear

Day 167: Addicted to Goals

Lately I’ve faced some very intense reactions and these have primarily been based on perceptions, ideas and hopes for my future, and in that, an attempt to control what is to come in fear of what might come if I don’t. It’s been interesting to observe my mind and how it works when I am faced with these type of situations.

Let me give you an example, the context of the situation I faced was that certain variables in relation to a plan that I’d made up for my future changed, and accordingly the outcome of the plan change – now I had not clear ‘goal’ anymore. In relation to this there was two points that came up with the most force within me, and the first was that: I’ve wasted my time walking towards this goal! And the second was: What goal should I take upon myself now?!

So, here I am going to expand on this second goal, because I’ve found it fascinating how I really felt in need of a goal, of a plan, of a future outcome, of some type of projection into the future, for me to be motivated, and feel as if there is a meaning and purpose to me moving and directing myself in this moment here. Obviously, the common sense is that a plan is simply a plan, it shouldn’t be more than a plan, and it shouldn’t control me, rather, I should be able to control the plan, make adjustments, and fine tune whenever possible.

I’ve defined this particular character as the goal-addiction-character – and I’ve also realized that this is probably one of the most prevalent mind-patterns that exist in me, as well as in the rest of society – it’s this experience of a drive to get THERE instead of walking HERE to get there.

So, what is this drive then, what is it that makes me feel so secure, comfortable, and at ease when and as I have a plan that I am able to hold unto, and use to direct myself with in my life? Well, for me it’s a sense of security, and an experience of control – it grounds me because when I have a plan I feel that I know where I am going, whereas when I don’t have a plan I feel lost and don’t know what to do or how to do it. Though, even though I don’t have a plan, it’s quite obvious that I don’t have to feel lost, and without foundation, because the point is that I should be that foundation for myself, I should be and stand as that trust within and as myself, and it shouldn’t be something that I must find either in a plan, or in something such as a profession, hobby, or particular direction in life – I should simply stand as that point unconditionally – that stability: that regardless of what happens in my life I know one thing: I remain here – I stand here – I continue walking – and I continue pushing myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use plans in order to stabilize myself and create a perception of safety and security within me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without plans, goals, and desires, and things I want to reach, and establish, that I am helpless, directionless, and without purpose – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not found my self-trust on me standing with myself in self-honesty in every moment of breath and thus not accepting and allowing myself to have my life be dependent upon me having a plan in order for me to be stable and move myself throughout my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within and as a goal-addiction-character that plays out in such a way that I will continuously fantasize and imagine about things that might occur in the future, and things that I might be able to do in the future, and what I might create, the jobs I will have and the career, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fantasize about the future, and within this not notice that when I do that there is a energy of adrenaline coming up in me, a excitement, and that it’s this point of energy that I am addicted to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change this addiction, through accepting and allowing myself to become addicted to life, and become addicted to living here with my physical body, to living fully in every moment of breath and not anymore accepting and allowing my presence to wander in my mind in regards to the future, but rather make a practical plan, and then stick with that plan, and not anymore accept and allow myself to formulate future decisions on the basis of adrenaline, on the basis of energy, on the basis of ‘my experience’ – ‘my feeling’ – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base the trust in my decisions on the point of how much positive energy I feel in relation to them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the more energy I experience in relation to a decision, that the better the decision is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that the more energy, the more feelings I experience in relation to a particular imagined future, that the better that particular direction is, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this premise, and see that my future visions are mostly based on images, based on ideas and assumptions of what is to come, and based on how I’ve related experiences to particular symbols, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I am able to take those symbols back to myself here, and create myself as those symbols, as living words, and practicing living these expressions that I see I’d like to manifest for myself, here with myself in my breath, with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all my future projections reveal parts of myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to practice living, walking and standing as HERE within and as my day to day living – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize these fantasies to investigate myself and see what it is that I am not yet giving to myself, and that I am hoping I would be able to get in my future; thus – I commit myself to investigate and define for myself the words purpose, passion, authority, stability, and excitement – because I see realize and understand that the nature of my dreams and fantasies are such that they show me what words it is that I am not yet standing as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fantasies in relation to my future to have a interesting life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my day to day living as being predictable, as being filled and obstructed with patterns, and routines, and think that I am not able to live and participate in this world and reality, because I require some form of entertainment to make it worthwhile – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I require an energy, a movie reel playing out in my mind for me to be able to be satisfied, and at ease with myself, not realizing that satisfaction and ease of being, is in-fact a develop and created expression, and something that I must design, create, walk and live for myself, and not something that I am able to wait for another to do for me, or that I can hope fantasy will lead into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that fantasies are more real than this physical life, and that it’s better to have a positive future in mind rather than living here, because apparently it’s to difficult, to hard, and to much of an effort to go through my life here in this physical world, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as this state of constant resistance, and fighting, and trying to defeat, and deflate this world, in believing that it’s out to get me, and utilize fantasies and imaginations as a method of escapism, a method of coping, trying to get through my life, and my daily physical responsibilities – instead of accepting and allowing myself to embrace what is here, to learn to direct and walk with what is here without reacting, without creating resistance, without judging, and as such developing myself to be an effective being able to move in the moment and direct what is here

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into the goals-addiction-character, I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to change this point through bringing myself back here and becoming aware of my environment and what my life is HERE in this moment – to focus myself back on my daily responsibilities, on what is here with me in this moment, and the sensations of my physical body – and within this I see, realize and understand that my life is HERE and that I create myself HERE and that my future is the potential of what I am able to live and create myself as HERE in this moment

When and I see that I go into fear, and anxiety, and feeling directionless because I don’t have a plan or a goal, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I commit myself to align myself HERE – and to realize the direction is HERE, that stability is HERE, that self-trust is HERE, and that I am able to walk and face my life without knowing precisely what is going to happen and how it’s going to happen – and as such face and walk through my life from within and as a starting point of self-trust – and thus I commit myself to develop self-trust – in placing my trust in myself and not in future projections, goals or plans – and bringing myself back to the simplicity of walking in every moment here and directing and creating my life in every moment here

Day 40: Continuing With Nervousness

Today I listened to the interview “Finalising Nervousness Support” – and the point that hit home with me was the nervousness is most-often caused by lack of preparation.

stressThis made me consider a few points in relation to my studies – because as I’ve shared in this blog I’ve experienced much nervousness in relation to walking my exams, and writing the final test – and this nervousness did occur this time around as well. So – when I began to considered the point that nervousness is very much related to one’s level of preparation – I realized that one dimension of my nervousness in relation to my exams might have to do with a problem with my vocabulary – and that the reason I do experience nervousness in relation to my exams is because it’s me actually showing myself that I’ve not integrated the vocabulary of the course effectively, with clarity, and specificity.

As I looked on this point – I utilized some memories from the past of when I’ve written my exam before, because by now I’ve written the term-exam 5 times already – and I compared my various study techniques, and then also looked at my experience of nervousness in relation to then at a later stage writing the exam. What I could see was that when I’d utilized the study technique of writing the information down – that was the exam that I’d experienced myself the least nervous, and also the exam on which I’d received the best results – fascinating!

This “finding” so to speak also correlates with what I’ve recently learned about “the natural learning ability” of the human being – and how we as human beings integrate information the most effectively. Writing information down is one of these physical practical points that give’s the physical body a opportunity to work with the information for real – and which also establish a more effective output – because in only reading information what one do is that one establish an ineffective input. So – I will cross-reference these points during my next term, and accordingly spend much more time writing information than I’ve done before – to see what the effect of this will be, and whether this will allow me to integrate the information more effectively.

Okay – that was what I had to share about my findings in relation to the natural learning ability, vocabulary effectiveness, and it’s influence on my experience of nervousness – though this is not the only dimension that affects my experience of nervousness. There are three words that I see play a role in my nervousness-experience – these are “unknown”, “unexpected”, “unplanned” – and these points are also much related to the experience of stress – which there is a cool interview about that you can hear here. So – in essence I will dedicate my self-forgiveness in this blog towards investigating my relationship towards these three words, and also apply commitment statements – as to how to correct my relationship with these words so that I can study in the stability, and silence of breath – and do my exams in the stability and silence of breath – with no movement within me what-so-ever.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear of the unknown, a fear of that which I can’t control, and can’t foresee – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into nervousness, and stress when and as I don’t have a complete control over my reality – and I do not know exactly what is going to happen in the next moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do not have complete control, complete mastery over my physical reality – and that I can foresee everything that will happen in my world – that I am vulnerable to destruction, and annihilation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear of the unknown, my fear of the unexpected, and my fear of the unplanned – through thinking that I am protecting myself by holding unto this fear – and that this fear helps me to be effective in living – while really – the opposite is true – because what I fear I create – which is so because in living as fear – I am not seeing, and utilizing common sense in my direct movement here – and thus the likelihood of me creating compromising situations, and moments for myself is much greater

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear, and anxiety towards letting go of control – and trusting myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate control to self-trust – not realizing the self-trust is not dependent upon control – because self-trust stands regardless of external stimuli movements – as self-trust is a point that is developed, and created by self – and as such not dependent upon a particular external point to move, or exist in a particular way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, anxiety, and nervousness towards not being able to foresee whether my life will be “happy” or filled with struggles, and strife’s – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto control, and stress – and nervousness – in thinking, and believing that this increases my likelihood of experiencing a “happy” life – not seeing the simple common sense – that living within anxiety, stress, and nervous I can’t ever be in anyway “happy” – as I will constantly exist in a worry, and state of fear – that something is going to occur and happen that I do not have any form of control over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being powerless, and unable to impose change on my life, and reality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto stress, and nervousness – thinking that when I hold unto these experiences I will at least be able to protect myself from having a situation manifest wherein I am powerless, or unable to change my reality – not realizing that stress, and nervousness are mental experiences and not a physical practical and useable skill that assists me in moving myself effectively in my life – and thus completely irrational experiences that do not help to assure my physical well-being in this world, and reality what-so-ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason I fear loosing power, and loosing control – is because I’ve not allowed myself to create these words as living words of and as myself – but that I’ve allowed myself to define these words as my ability to manipulate, and control my exterior reality – not realizing that this is not power, and this is not control – it’s merely a form of physical movement bound by the laws of the physical reality – but not a actual power, and a actual control – because all the time – regardless of how “powerful” I might consider myself to be – I will always be subject to the laws of the physical world and reality – and as such I understand that real control, and real power – can only be real and actual when I stand as those points within and as me as a living expression of me – as a living statement of who I am in each and every breath – wherein I decide what and who I am – and what principle I stand and live by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I stand certain in who I am – certain in what I am – certain in why I am – there can’t be any nervousness, or stress – because these points are in essence based upon fear of death – as the fear of loosing all form of control over this external reality – and this fear can’t exist when I stand within me in such a stability, and depth of silence – that I understand that who I am can’t be moved, touched, or defined by death – as I stand as the power within me that in all-ways decide who I am – and within this that I create who I am – thus creating life from nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the experiences of stress, and nervousness – allowing myself to go into and as a state of preparation – as trying to avoid a disastrous event from taking place – and through these experiences attempting and trying to control my reality; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the simplicity of physically controlling my exterior reality as a point of self-movement – and even though I am not able to have full control – I am able to have somewhat effective control and create this control without any form of experience such as stress, or nervous – because physically directing, and moving my reality is not about mental experiences – it’s about my effectiveness of communication – my effectiveness of physical movement – my effectiveness in social interaction with others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how stress, and nervousness literally are illusions – because – they do not produce anything of benefit – they do not assist me in stabilizing my life, and my daily living – they do not assist me in actually walking through my exams – they do not assist me in actually making sure that I have money, and financial stability – they do not in-fact do anything but exist within me as a experience – that in essence only serve to disturb me, and take my focus away from living, and moving myself in my day-to-day life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the points of unexpectedness, unplanned events, and the unknown – realizing, and understand that I will never be able to have complete control over this reality – as such it’s completely unnecessary to create experiences of stress, and nervousness because I do not have that control – I mean – it’s impossible to have such a control so why continue to fight reality? As such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align myself with the actual functioning of this physical world and reality – and stop fighting it – stop resisting it – and stop trying to change it to match my inner belief, and hope of what I’d like this reality to be like

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into and as a state of stress, and nervousness – because I see that I am approaching uncharted territory – and I can’t be completely sure on the outcome of what I am taking on and walking; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – there is no reason to fear uncharted territory – I mean sure – there might come an event that is painful, uncomfortable, or even an event that leads to my death – but – that is the nature of this reality – and it’s completely stupid to fear the nature of this reality as what is here – because it doesn’t help, it doesn’t assist, and it doesn’t change this reality; as such I commit myself to embrace the functioning and movement of this reality – and work with what is here – and practically train, and practice moving myself in such a way in this reality – that I am able to avoid and direct potentially harmful, or uncomfortable experiences, and events – as such – stopping myself from relying upon fear, nervousness, and stress – and instead relying upon common sense deduction

When and as I see that I go into a state of nervousness, because I don’t know how to be, or how to move, or how to direct myself in a given situation – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – me experiencing nervousness does not assist, and support me to walk, and direct the situation – I mean – it would be far more effective for me to stop for a while – observe the situation – and develop solutions – solutions are far more effective in having actual physical positive results than nervousness; as such I commit myself to instead of going into nervousness when I face the unknown – to make the unknown known – and develop solution for me to direct, and effectively move myself within that which is now known

When and as I see that I go into stress – as fearing that I will run unto an unplanned, and unexpected event – and that I will not be able to deal with this event – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – stress merely serves to make me blind to what is here – not see what is here – and not be able to effectively process what is here – stress is like a energetic blindfold that I take on thinking that it will help me to navigate my reality – obviously that isn’t so; as such I commit myself to face the unexpected, to face the unplanned – with a straight back – and effective breathing – realizing that the only way to effectively live in this life is to live physically – breath by breath – walking actual practical solution instead of going into my mind as energetic experiences of positive, or negative

When and as I see that I am going into and as a fear of not being in control, and not having power over my world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that power, and control over this world is in essence an illusion – something that isn’t real – but merely real in my mind; as such I commit myself to live real power, and real control – which are points that I live AS ME – as me living the decision in every moment that I am life as all as one as equal – and that the principle which I stand by – and make my decisions by is what is best for all – and giving to another as I’d like to receive

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Day 34: Working With What Is Real

In the last blog – which you can read HERE – I took a part nervousness from the perspective of seeing what positive experiences I’ve connected to me for example standing in front of my class holding a presentation, or writing my exams – and the reason for this is to remove my idea(L) that I have of myself – as to who I believe/want to be – and instead get down to the nitty gritty of working with how I in-fact experience myself when it is that I stand before many people, or I do my exams.

Thus – today I am going to work my actual physical experience when I do exams, or hold a presentation – and I will also simultaneously walk the point of stopping conflict within me – in seeing that I don’t have to fight the real experience of me because it apparently doesn’t coincide with my idea-experience of myself as how I think I should experience myself – I mean – there is no need to fight what I already exist and live as – instead it’s to understand, and get to know the real me – and then place myself in a position wherein I am able to actually and for real correct myself.

NervousnessBlogSo – how do I really experience myself in these situations? Well – I become physically tense, and go into nervousness – which results in me not being able to effectively deal with the situation. One of the reasons for this is because I don’t know who to be – I don’t know how to look – I don’t know how to present myself – I have no real foundation so to speak. This is though something I’ve already worked with when I’ve prepared myself for my exams – I’ve actually structured a systematic structure as a way which I am to answer questions – and I this was effective to keep me more stable in the moment of writing my exams. For example – in my structure I stated that I must read slowly, and be focused on the words that are written on the question I am given – I must not jump, and stress through the initial stage of reading the question because then I will miss important information; and as I applied this on my exams – I was actually much more stable.

So – establishing a foundation – a MEness – that is important because that is something I currently lack – and I see that this will be done through writing out a structured way as to how to walk the point, who I am within in, and what specifically I am going to do – and then walking this physically.

A second prominent point that comes up is fear of the unknown – because I can’t really prepare myself completely when I am facing an event such as an exam, or a presentation – because there is always that small point of a uncertainty – a probability that something might go wrong, and that I then as this happen – won’t be prepared to deal with the consequences effectively.

Thus – another important point to establish is self-trust – because I see that in standing as self-trust – I will not fear the unknown as I will trust myself to direct myself through the point of the unknown and deal with any situation that might emerge.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, and distrust myself in the face of the unknown – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to read a situation – and understand how a situation might respond to me – and what I must say, or do for the situation to respond to me in a way that I experience as being positive – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t trust myself – and that when I trust myself something will go wrong, and I won’t be able to correct the mistakes that flows from this wrongness

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having information as to what will happen if I say, or do a certain thing – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being blind so to speak, in not being able to calculate the consequences of my actions – and how others will see, and experience me – when it is that I act and live in particular ways – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and perceive that I require information, knowledge, and being able to calculate future consequences in order to be “safe” and trust myself

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trusting myself is something that happens to me when I am able to know what is going to happen in the future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone me trusting myself, and prevent me from trusting myself in thinking and believing that I must have something more – I must get something more – I must achieve something more – and I must wait before someone give me a permission that I am able to trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH – be HERE – and to get myself moving within and as oneness and equality as my human physical body – and stop waiting for someone, or something else to save me before I trust myself here

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I am not yet mature enough to trust myself – and that trusting myself is something that comes, and happens with age – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my fear, and my anxiety – and my worry, and my nervousness – and to see, realize, and understand that self-trust does not develop through waiting – but through me deciding, and willing myself to develop self-trust – through actually living and walking in such a way that I am able to trust that who I am is what is best for all – and that I will not compromise myself and fall prey to experiences, and illusions of and as the mind

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need, and require someone else to tell me that I am ready to trust myself – and that I am ready to go – so to speak – instead of accepting and allowing myself to say to myself that – hey! I am ready when I decide to be ready! And as such – I am able to decide here that I trust myself – and to stop fearing the unknown – to stop fearing trusting myself – and simply do it – and as such apply the statement of “just do it!” – because really that is what it all comes down to – to actually make the decision and walk the decision – and in-fact do it!

Self-commitment statements

1. When and as I feel, and experience that I can’t trust myself – because something will go wrong when I trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – the fact is that what I experience is – a experience! Thus – a experience indicates that what is coming up within me is coming from the mind – automatically activated without my direct movement, and decision – and thus it’s not trustworthy; as such I commit myself to not trust the experience of myself that I can’t trust myself because something will go wrong – and I commit myself to act – and decide to trust myself here in this moment

2. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear trusting myself – because I think that I can’t trust myself if I am not able to know the consequences of my actions beforehand – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I can decide to trust myself regardless of the situation that I am in – or the point that I am facing – simply because it’s about SELF-trust – and not about OTHER-trust – and thus I commit myself to decide to trust myself – and see that it’s only me that can decide and walk this point for myself here

3. When and as I see, and notice that I think, and experience that I must wait with trusting myself – because I must have something more, achieve something more, and get someone to allow me to trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s about me taking a decision and trusting myself – thus I can’t wait for my environment to change me – I must stand as the catalyst – I must stand as the start – and I must take the first step and not allow myself to wait anymore; as such I commit myself to practice trusting myself as a self-decision in the moment – that I walk regardless of what it is that I am facing here in this moment

4. When it is that I see I go into and as a belief that I can’t trust myself because I am not yet mature enough, and that I can’t direct myself to trust myself because this is something that happens with time, and as I grow older – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – to believe that I will be able to trust myself more with time is simply an illusion – because look at most old people –they’ve also no self-trust and they’ve walked an entire lifetime in this world; as such I commit myself to stop using this excuse – to bring myself back here – and to see that I have to decide to trust myself – I have to stop waiting – and I have to actually do it because no one will do it for me

5. When and as I see that I am waiting to trust myself, because I feel that I have to have someone that tells me that – “okay, now you can trust yourself!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of deciding to trust myself is something that I must give to myself, and nobody will say to me ever that “now I can trust myself” and even if they do – the decision is still MINE because there is only ME inside of ME – thus only ME that can decide who I am – and what I will live, and stand as; as such I commit myself to make the decision to trust myself HERE and without waiting and postponing

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