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Day 360: Certainty Must Come From Within

Purpose and clarity as to what I am going to do, who I am going to be, what direction that I will take on and live, what future I will create, that is a desire that has arisen within me frequently over the last years. In-fact, it has been a recurring point since my teenage years – the urge and desire to have a clearly defined path for myself.

I am not sure exactly when it began, however I have since long had a tendency to want one point that I can aim to accomplish – one interest – one hobby – one part of my life – that I want to bring to its full potential and master so completely that I know it by heart. I used to be comfortable doing things for no particular reason but that I enjoyed doing it, though slowly that  changed. For example, when I started playing computer games, it was because I enjoyed it a lot. In-fact I found it amazingly fun, and I would play game after game. Then, something changed. I began to deliberately focus on becoming ‘good’ at a particular games, and ‘better than’ others. Competition became part of my gaming experience, and now it was not anymore a question of me enjoying myself, it was now about taking it to the next level, so that I could win. I did this with many games – I continued to play them even though I did not necessarily like them, because I was good at them, and I wanted to win.

The same happened with other interests, usually they began as unconditional and innocent projects that I would take on and enjoy with all of my heart – then – they would change and become a way to achieve victory.

As I have progressed through life, this tendency of becoming obsessed with one project, one movement, one drive, has morphed and changed and spilled over into purpose, and have thus become a way of achieving certainty. This metamorphosis has definitely been fueled by the world system, where there are continuously stories promoted about people that seemingly only have one point of purpose in their life, that they follow religiously, and are through that able to achieve success. Making sure that we have a fixed route, we know where we are going, we know what we will do, for me, that has become a way of creating stability and certainty, believing that I need to know my place in my external reality to be stable, and to know myself.

Obviously, this idea of life and purpose is limited. It is limited because in placing our focus and attention on the external reality, we miss that it is not our external reality that determines who we are, it is us that determines our external reality – it is us that decide who we are – and this WHO WE ARE is in turn reflected by our external reality. That principle is the key to any form of creation – it is the key to understanding why our creations sometimes falter, why they other times work out perfectly, and why our life looks the way it looks.

Thus – I see, realize and understand, that my focus, instead of being placed at developing my external reality, first and foremost must be placed at developing/creating/refining my inner reality – and from that will naturally flow a direction as I stand stable within myself and move in breath. Life cannot be predicted beforehand, it must be lived and directed in the moment. Life can only become a certainty, when we stand with certainty within ourselves – and hence there is no point to look for a purpose or clarity out there – unless we have established that for ourselves. It all begins with self, every time.


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Day 359: Work and Career, a Matter of Passion or Money?

Work, it should be fun, or should it only be a way to make money?

If we look back in history, the notions of loving work and following your passion (in relation to career) and finding your life purpose are modern inventions, concepts that have become marketed extensively with the raise of spiritualism. The spiritual teachings, which most of them are centered on attaining experiential freedom/joy/bliss, have for a long time been stipulating how important it is for us to follow our desires, especially when it comes to making an income for ourselves. However, there is a big problem in this way of viewing the world. Work, career, and physical labor, are physical conditions, physical experiences, for which you require certain physical prerequisites to complete and be a part of, such as for example being endowed with a particular body type, or having access to certain tools, or having a certain nimbleness to your mind. Different type of jobs and careers have different requirements, though, this is not considered or looked at when the spiritual approach is utilized.

The spiritual outlook hones into how we FEEL about a certain work or career, and it does not take into consideration the PHYSICAL. This creates many problems, one of them being the mindset of ‘not knowing what to do with one’s life’ that is becoming increasingly common in young people. It is not rare for the modern youth to wait until they are 30 or 35 before they decide on a direction for themselves when it comes to money and survival. If we look back a 100 years ago, that was very unusual. Obviously, back then, we did not have as much personal freedom, or as many opportunities and choices as we do now, and that must play a part in why many young people today experience it more difficult to make a decision for themselves on what they are to do with their life. AND, what exists today, that did not exist a hundred years ago, is the idea that we are supposed to pick a career based on how we feel.

Back in the days it was normal to take on the craft of your father. Probably not because the youths found it particularly enjoyable, but because it was practical and ensured their survival. Deciding on your future was a lot more SIMPLE, because there was no abstract and vaguely defined concepts, such as ‘following your passion’ in the way of making a solid, grounded and practical decision.

Hence, if we look at career and work, and making a decision with regards to these points, what is of PRIMARY importance is that the decision is PRACTICAL. Why? Because we live in a practical world. We do not exist in a spiritual world and thus it does not make sense to base decisions that will be experienced in a physical world on spiritual ideas and concepts. Doing that would be similar to trying to answer your exam in physics using religious discourse. Hence, PRACTICALITY, that must be the overarching principle that our decision is based upon, because if it is not practical, then it will not work or it will work poorly – simple as that.

And in the context of career and work, what would constitute a practical decision? One important aspect is COMPATIBILITY = We must be able to physically handle and direct the responsibilities involved with the profession we decide upon. A tailor must be able measure, know basic math, follow schematics and preferably have well developed ability of using the mind to look at geometrical structures, shapes and forms, and look at what steps must be taken to achieve such shapes in the physical. Further, it would not hurt if the tailor also have a stylistic sense and artistic talent, so that he or she can see what colors, fabrics and shapes fits to a particular persons bodily design. If those prerequisites does not exist in the person that strives to become a tailor, that person will with certainty face notable inner conflicts in developing those skills, or fail in the profession of tailoring. Hence, for a person that do not possess such skills – it is NOT practical to decide to become a tailor.

Another important aspect is MONEY. It cannot be debated that we live in a world where life is at the behest of money. Our survival, and access to creature comforts such as clothes, shelter and food, they are all dependent on MONEY. Hence, it is PRACTICAL that our career is a way in which we are able to make MONEY – and depending on our preferences with money – more or less money – however we must be able to sustain ourselves. If it is not possible to earn money on the career we want to pick – it is NOT practical. I have seen many that pursue the profession of their dreams and sacrifice access to comfortable living conditions in order to do it. Though that is not practical, it is not what is best, because in order to live effectively and support ourselves and our bodies, we must have access to comfortable and dignified living conditions.

It is first when the career we are looking deciding upon have passed this test of practicality that we can look at if we LIKE or ENJOY the profession in question. And yes, this is obviously not preferable, but in a world where our survival is linked to access to money, where we must make sacrifices to live effectively, it is the way in which we must look at work. Many times, the aspect of enjoying a profession is a plus on the side, something that might be there, or it might not – if it is – then cool – though if it is not – it is not alone of such weight that we should change the direction of our career.

Looking at money and career from this PRACTICAL perspective makes things SO MUCH easier. Because then we do not glorify career and work, we do not believe or see it as a way of living and expressing our passions, our pure and unconditional joy – it is instead a way to survive – and that is it. We stop trying to chase an idea, get back to reality, and make our decisions according to what is here – hence – no inner conflict – because we stand EQUAL and ONE with what is HERE as this physical reality as how it currently functions and operates.

Lastly, I want to point out that, even though our decision when it comes to career and money must be primarily based on what is practical – it does not mean that we are not able to expand and develop ourselves within our profession. And further, it does not mean that must make work about survival – as we are able to stick with our ideas as to what we want to do and create – and slowly incorporate it into our career and move ourselves into a direction where we see we are able to express an ENJOYMENT in our work – without compromising the PRACTICALITY of our lives. It is all about WHO WE ARE within what we do – and if we want to – we can expand, push and move ourselves, regardless of our position in this world.


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Day 324: Did I Do Something Wrong?

In this blog I am going work on the following mind pattern: Some days ago I faced a situation in which I thought that I was given a spare part to my tractor by a friend of mine. However, my friend clarified that he was not giving me the part but expected to get money in return. In that moment I felt embarrassed, and vulnerable, and thought to myself that I should have known! How could I have expected him to give me this part! Throughout the rest of that day I returned to this moment in my mind, and each time, what came up within me was this experience of embarrassment, ridicule, and feeling stupid. Several times I thought that my friend must think that I am an ass, that expected to get this part for free.

I am going to look at this pattern through asking myself four questions: How am I? What am I? Why am I? Who am I? – and through these questions walk the mind-pattern, and define a practical solution for myself that I can apply real-time.

How am I?
In the situation that I described above I felt nervous, tense, inferior, and vulnerable. I believed that the people around me thought badly of me, that they did not like me, and that they saw flaws in me. I was worried they were going to spot a weakness and use that to their advantage, speak about me behind my back. I judged myself because I did not have a casual and relaxed approach to my friend wanting money for the spare part.

What am I?
In the situation, I am not expressing myself to my fullest potential, rather I am standing as an example of a reaction, of holding back, and not accepting and allowing myself to live fully.

Why am I?
I am here on this earth to learn about myself, to see, understand and correct my patterns, and hence, this situation is an excellent opportunity for me to expand me insight and self-knowledge. I am here to live fully, and hence, I see, realize and understand, that this small moment, and my reaction within it, is insignificant in the large picture, and thus not something that I should make a big deal out of within myself.

Who am I?
To correct this pattern, I am to live self-acceptance and light-heartedness – allowing myself to NOT take things to seriously – allowing myself to not be right – to do something that is seen as socially unacceptable or bad – and still – accept and LOVE myself. Thus – the solution is to stand unconditional in my self-love – and to live that practically through STOPPING the judgments – and instead SMILING at the point – and accepting and allowing myself to let it go through relaxing myself with my body – relaxing my muscles and bringing myself back here.

Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too serious about how I am perceived by others, and judge myself when and as I perceive that others have created a negative judgment about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value what others think of me, and define myself according to how I believe others see me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not love myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a demand unto myself – that I am to be calm, stable and relaxed when it comes to money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that I have perceived to be greedy or misers when it comes to money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will judge me the same way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be judged as a miser

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving the impression that I am a miser – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over-compensate through being generous to the extent where I am compromising myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to have a good impression of me and like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to love me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek comfort, acceptance and value in others – and not trust myself – and stand by myself regardless of what might play out in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand by myself – but abandon myself when I perceive that others are against me – and then fight with myself – instead of accepting myself – and loving myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as flawed and inferior – and thus seek others approval in the belief that this will raise my value – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not love myself unconditionally – and understand that my value is constant HERE – that nobody outside of me can determine my value – because my value is HERE as me by the fact that I am here within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for approval in others instead of approving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace that I have a problem with money when it comes to giving and receiving – and that this is not something to judge – but instead something to understand – so that I can correct the point and develop a common sense – equal and one relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace my problems – the things I have to work on within myself – and understand that they are not bad – but simply weak spots that I require to understand and correct – and hence I commit myself to LOVE myself unconditionally – through NOT judging my weak points

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself judging myself, because I have reacted towards either giving, or receiving money, in fear, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I do have problems with money – and this has got nothing to do with others – and the reactions I perceive they have towards this point is not relevant – what is important is that I understand my issue and move myself to direct – for myself – and thus I commit myself to UNDERSTAND my problem with money – to FOCUS on MYSELF – and to approach my issue within unconditional self-acceptance

I commit myself to be curious about my issues and investigate them unconditionally – to not judge – instead LEARN and UNDERSTAND

I commit myself to replace judgment with curiosity and interest towards learning more about myself and the issues I have – in this case with money


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Day 301: Making Decisions In A Rush

Lately, a couple of events have played out in my life of a similar theme. This theme is making decisions in a rushed state, which leads to consequences. Let me begin with an example from my life. At the moment I am in the process of building a house, and as such, this requires many decisions to be made. One of these decisions have involved whether or whether not an old staircase should be removed. Initially, I decided that it was to be removed. But some days ago, I started to think differently. And this is where it started to get interesting.

During the course of a morning I changed my mind, I now wanted to keep the staircase. Looking back at my line of reasoning, it was based on but a few of all the relevant dimensions to take into consideration – and this happened because I moved too hastily in my decision making. Though, the idea of wanting to now keep the staircase came up fast within me, and I jumped on the bandwagon. Without sitting down to consider the point and look at it more deeply, I decided, and then started to look for ways to implement my decision. What is fascinating is that this decision was made within and as a rushed state. I felt like I had to make a decision immediately, and then push it into creation as fast as I could; I felt that else I would potentially loose out on something. Hence I contacted the workers, and shared the new set of directions.

All good, until the next day, when I started to consider removing the staircase. Also this time, there was this rush in me, to immediately make the decision. Though, now I could see how irrational this decision making process was. In just the span of two days I had felt a rush, and impatience to make two complete opposite decisions. How is that even possible? Fact is that it is not practically possible, and that makes sense because this rush and impatience is not practical – it has nothing to do with the actual decision to be made. Instead, these experiences are behavioral patterns that I have created in relation to decision making, and these sabotage my ability to make clear, well-researched and sound decisions that are best for all. Because the latter decision making process requires that I slow down, that I for a moment stop, silence myself, and look within me, to in this process investigate the pros and cons of the point.

The solution that I see with regards to this point is to apply patience, and to slow myself down, to allow decisions to grow forth and take the time they need – because it takes time to look at and consider all dimensions of a decision – it does not and cannot happen in the blink of an eye. And if it does happen fast, well, most likely important aspects and dimensions has been overlooked. What I see that I can do to help me with slowing down in my decision making process is to sit down with a piece of paper, and write the pros and cons of the decision I am looking at. Perhaps, make some coffee for myself, and make it a moment of meditation, where I can also challenge myself to look at as many dimensions as possible – hence allowing for decision making to become a process of expansion.

In terms of the initial example I gave, I can see that if I would have allowed myself to sit down, and consider all the dimensions of removing, or not removing the staircase, I would not have had to go through the entire experience of rushing, of running to various persons and changing my decision. Instead, I would have looked at the point once, and then established, what is the best direction that I can take, and then stuck with that.

So, really, what I can also learn from this is that taking things slow makes things go faster in the long run, as I am that way able to avoid many mistakes and errors that I might have otherwise created for myself. Hence, do it once and do it properly, instead of doing it incompletely five times.

 

Day 222: Easily Swayed

When I make decisions about what I’m going to do, I notice that I’ve a tendency to be easily swayed and turned around – there isn’t much required for me to go back on a decision, or begin to doubt myself, and then go completely into this doubt, and change my decision completely. It’s an interesting process to follow, because I can do extensive research, place all the pro’s and con’s before me, look at who I am in relation to the point – and with great detail define my decision and through that find the most effective route for me to go. But THEN – when someone tells me that it’s a bad decision, or that I’ve missed dimensions, I’ll many times turn 180 degrees, and then without much thought align with the perspective another is conveying.

The consequence of this pattern is that I create a lot of unnecessary work for myself, and also much needless doubt and anxiety, because the fact of the matter is that I was quite certain and assured within my initial decision. Though due to me doubting myself what happens is that I go through a process of fumbling around with a new decision, thinking about the ins and outs, to then again return to my initial decision, as I realize that this was in-fact the best route for me to go.

Thus what I want to practice and establish within myself is self-reliance, and self-trust – and that when a new perspective is shared with me – that instead of me immediately turning 180 – I instead consider the new information within the stability of breath, that I look at it, and see how it fits in, whether it was a dimension that I had not initially looked at effectively, and whether some tweaks are required. Because it’s not effective to just abandon my decision – since that decision is more often than not effective – though there might be some dimensions that I’ve not considered and that I’ve missed that I require to align.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn 180 in a decision that I’ve made when I get exposed to new information, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, fear trusting my assessment, and fear trusting the decision that I’ve made – and want to instead rely on another for making a more correct assessment and having a better and more clear perspective on the point than what I’ve – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand this self-mistrust, and instability in my decisions is something that creates consequences for me in my life and in my future – because I will shift, and turn, backwards and forwards, instead of looking at the new information within the stability of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must have the courage to trust my own perspectives, my own discernment, my own process of making a decision, and look back at how I made the decision, the effort and energy I placed into it, and from that see that I do have sufficient on my feet to be able to trust myself and stand with my decision and that there is no need to turn a 180 and go back on myself and my initial assessment of the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others in believing that they are more right than me, and also because I fear making a stand, walking a decision, in believing that the decision I’m about to make might be flawed in some way, and that I will then have to face the consequences of a faulty and ineffective decision – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m creating consequences for myself by me not daring to take a stand, daring to stand by my decisions, by my assessment, and have the courage to face and walk into my decision and the consequences I’ve created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stand within and as courage to face the consequences of my decisions, and to see, realize and understand that I’m able to learn something from a bad decision as well, and that it’s in-fact more effective for me to be stable within the decision I’ve made and within stability consider the new information that is here, and from within and as that stability of breath consider whether there are alignments required to be made within my decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a self-doubt and become possessed with this self-doubt when there is new information coming into my life that requires me to again look at a decision that I’ve made, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead, when doubt comes up within me, to in stability look at the new information, to re-assess my position and see whether there are alignments to be made, and to make it practical – through practically looking at the point and what might be out of alignment and then change and re-direct these points within and as practicality – thus using doubt practically instead of making it a point that becomes a possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as self-doubt instead of changing doubt practically, through when and as doubt comes up within me, to see it as an opportunity and gift to re-assess my position with regards to a decision or direction that I’ve taken – to look at it practically and see whether there is something that I’ve missed – and do this instead of going into a doubt possession and remaining within and as this doubt possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t give others to responsibility to make decisions for me and my life, because they’ve not gone through the process of consideration that I’ve – and thus they have another perspective – yet I can’t completely throw away the process I’ve walked only because there is another perspective entering my life – rather I must take that perspective and look at what I’m able to learn from it – and whether there is in-fact something missing in my current decision and way of approaching something in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to go into a doubt possession – and become completely lost in this doubt – I’m in-fact creating consequences for myself and making life more ineffective – because I’m going back on points that I’d already settled within myself, thus making my life to be many ups and downs – instead of me standing in stability – standing here within and as breath – looking at the information and then within and as self-direction seeing whether there are some practical changes and alignments that are required to be made

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into doubt and anxiety, thinking that a decision I’ve made might be wrong, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that if I accept and allow myself to go completely into this doubt I will create consequences for myself and possibly go back on decisions that I’ve made – and directions I’ve settled upon in relation to my future – and thus I commit myself to stop, breathe, and practically use this doubt through re-assessing my decision within and as the stability of breath, to see whether there is something I’ve missed, something I’ve not considered, something which I require to look at and align – and then if required make the decisions or else simply let the point go – and trust myself that I’ve considered the point and looked at it effectively

When and as I go into doubt, want to rely upon another to make decisions for me, and to see the point that is before me, as to where I am going to go with myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can’t rely upon others to know where I am going and where I should go, this must be something that I establish and create for myself, and I can use others to cross-reference and use as a sparring partner, though I can’t let everything be on them to show me what is an effective decision for me – and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for my decisions, and to live the courage of walking into consequence – the consequences that I’ve created and manifested through the decisions I’ve made – and thus stand with a straight back and trust myself that I’ll be able to walk it through and learn from it – and grow from it

Day 155: Fitting In

Today I faced a point in my world in regards to desire I’ve created within myself to fit in and be liked, and the context was the following: So, there is a person A in my world – now – I’ve noticed that person A seem to like some other persons more than what he likes me. When I’ve noticed this, I have come up within me, a reaction of sadness, despair, as well as blame, because apparently its persons A fault that I feel the way I feel, because he should like me equally as much as he likes these other persons.

Looking at the point in common sense, it’s obviously very ineffective to walk around in life, wanting to be liked by people, and also, defining myself according to whether I perceive myself as being liked, or disliked by others, because it creates the consequences, that I am like a bouncer – where I either bounce upwards, because I believe someone likes me, or I crash down, because I believe someone dislikes me – making me ineffective at that which is important in my life = caring and tending to my commitments and responsibilities, and walking my self-process, where the focus is me and who I am, and not on what others do or don’t do. Further, its impossible to make sure that anyone likes me, and thus its nonsensical to accept and allow my self-experience to be dependent upon such a uncertain and insubstantial point – much better that I instead remain the same – remain stable regard less of whether I am liked or disliked.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to whether I perceive that another dislike, or like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad, and experience despair, and inferiority, when and as I perceive that another person in my life doesn’t like me, or likes me less than what he or she likes another – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the point of whether I am liked or disliked, of whether I have friends or I don’t have friends, of whether I am involved in a group or I am not involved in a group, instead of pushing myself to remain stable regardless of whether someone likes or dislikes me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want harmonious relationships in my life, where I am certain that everybody likes me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, suppress and change myself around others, to make sure that they like me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a irrational fear of being disliked, and excommunicated from a group, in believing that my value is dependent upon whether I am invited and received by another as a friend, and as a positive point in another human beings life and world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I suspect that another dislikes me, to immediately go into and as sadness, and despair, and believe that another dislikes me, because there is something wrong with me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the natural, and normal state of things, should be that everyone likes me, that everyone experience me as a positive, and upbeat life force in their world, and that they want to have me around them, because they feel happy around me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, and worth around the point of whether others are happy around me or not – instead of defining my value according to who I am, according to my self-application, and according to my own decision as to who I am in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for not liking me, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that another is pulling me down in a emotional turmoil, because he, or she doesn’t like me, or appreciate me sufficiently, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that its not in-fact about the other, but its about my relationship with myself, and that this other person assists and supports me to reveal, and expose a certain dimension of my relationship with myself that I haven’t yet looked at and investigated specifically and effectively – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the blame, and instead be grateful that this other person assists and supports me in revealing certain self-compromising dimensions that exists within me that I haven’t yet dealt with and directed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in my mind that my relationship with another is destroyed, and isn’t working, because the other person seemingly doesn’t like me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my relationship with another isn’t defined according to how another experience themselves, but is something that I define and create within myself, as I decide who I am, and as I decide what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me towards another – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my focus be upon how this person experience himself, instead of looking at how I exist within and as myself, and what I am able to do to bring this point into and as a solution for myself – and let go of my reactions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my reactions with thinking that we simply don’t fit together, that we simply don’t agree with one another, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in-fact, this is a self-compromise, that its not about the other person, but that its about what I accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow within me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define the context of this relationship, and place myself towards this other person specifically, in defining the purpose and direction of the relationship, and as such making sure that I know who I am in relation to the other point so that there exists no conflict within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I meet new people, to define and specifically direct the relationship within me, to specify what the relationship is, and who I am towards the relationship, why the relationship is in my world, and thus how I am in relationship to that particular person – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself go into conflict within myself, because I want all the relationships in my world to be that of friendships, of feeling pleasurable, and nice, and me within that feeling liked, instead of realizing that there are other forms of relationships in this world that doesn’t have this context, and where I require to align myself to the point from within and as a starting point that is in alignment with why the relationship exists in my world to begin with

Self-commitments

I commit myself to align my relationship to person A to be in relation to the context as to why the relationship is in my world, and to not expect, or want anything more out of it, than what the relationship is on a physical level – and thus I commit myself to let go of any hopes, and expectations of being liked, or loved, and instead keep it professional, and direct it according to what I see is best for the both of us in relation to where we are in our life’s

I commit myself to breathe through the reactions of despair, inferiority, and sadness, and instead align myself with my human physical body, and make the relationship with person A supportive in relation to the context as to why we have each-other in our worlds – and why we’ve meet – and as such not try to make something that it isn’t – or hope that it should be something different than what it is – I remain with what real – and what is here

Day 97: Physical Decision Making

A fascinating point that I’ve more clearly begun to see during to last couple of days is that of how I accept and allow another’s words, actions and living effect my own words actions and living, and that this happens on a automatic basis, wherein I simply do not question or make a self-directed decision whether, or whether not I should live a particular point, or decide upon a particular point, I simply do it.

120620-Decision-Fatigue-300x300So, I mean, bringing this point back to it’s origin, I am able to see that the main problem I’m faced with is my tendency to follow energy, to follow experience, to follow the mind, instead of sticking with the physical, sticking with breath, sticking with slowing down, and considering all points here, and not accepting and allowing myself to make rash decisions based upon a experience. So, the point isn’t real about me becoming manipulated and moved by the words of another, it’s about me becoming moved and manipulated by my own mind – a energy comes up and then without question, without any form of standing aback to take a closer look at the point, I just go with it.

It’s definitely a form of impulsiveness, simply because I follow impulses, I follow what comes up within me as a experience, as a thought, as a energy, and I do not consider what is REAL, PHYSICAL, PRACTICAL, TANGIBLE – I mean I do not consider what is in-fact here.

It’s really fascinating – even more fascinating is how I can in moments believe that I am making a decision that is “good” for me, I am making a decision that is “effective” for me – but the reality is that what I am deciding upon is simply a energy, my decision has got nothing to do with what is in-fact real, and thus my decision is in essence compromised – because I’ve not looked at what is real, but I’ve only looked at what I experience.

So, it’s interesting, a good decision doesn’t necessarily feel good, I mean the obvious point to realize is that a good decision shouldn’t have any form of feeling or emotion attached to it, it should simply be a decision – I see this, I’ve considered this, I’ve looked at this, I decide – done. This form of decision-making is the only one that can be trusted, because it allows no room for energy – and the primary problem with energy is that in making decisions within a energy – you only consider the energy, the experience, how you feel – and within that important considerations are missed, important points are looked away from, and instead the focus becomes on the experience.

Here I see that the only solution is self-honesty – it’s to when one make a decision, to assess why is this decision made, is there a experience within me driving me, are there points I am not considering? Have everything been considered or am I moving myself within an energy, within an experience? The primary point being to QUESTION one’s decision – and not just accept anything that comes up within self as being real simply because it feels good, or bad.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in energy, in experience, in belief, wherein I look at how I feel, how I experience myself, whether I feel good or bad about the decision, whether I experience fear or a feeling towards the decision, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this way of making decisions is totally, and completely ineffective – wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to move from within and as a starting point energy, that in turn will have the effect that I compromise important points, I do not consider what is required to be considered, I just jump to conclusions and “go for it” – which obviously leads to me to make decisions that are simply not effective but rather consequential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a “impulsive” nature – and see myself as impulsive, as making decisions fast and without really considering them, and seeing that as “who I am” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question who I am within and as myself, and to see, realize and understand that this point of being impulsive is in-fact programming, and that the consequence of being impulsive is that I make decisions that are ineffective, I make decisions that are not clear, I make decisions that are consequential, I make decisions that have an effect in my world that I could easily foreseen if I’d just slowed down and made a more substantial consideration of the point before I moved myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going into energy, and feeling good about a decision means that the decision is good, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust what I feel – I can rely upon what I feel – and that in a making a decision what I must look at is the actual physical outflows, and that my effectiveness in foreseeing the consequences of my decision will only be as effective as my ability to research relevant information, and to analyze the relevant information, to look at how it moves, and to make predictions based upon probabilities and possibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my starting point in relation to decisions so that I make decisions that are effective in relation to what it is that I want to achieve, and realizing that all decisions must have a particular starting point else they will be hard to make – because it’s in establishing the starting point, as to what I want to achieve with the decision, that I will be able to look at my world and in reality and make a decision that will create the best possible environment for me to be able to walk through my decision into reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as energy in relation to making decisions, wherein I make decisions based upon how I feel, be it fear, or be it feeling – not considering the consequences of my decisions, the outflows of my decisions, the actual and real part of my decisions which is how I influence my life, the life of others, how I influence life on a greater scale – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down before making decisions, to not slow myself down before participating in a particular point, to as such give myself the stability, and ability to make a decision as to who I am, and what I am – to make a decision as to whether I will participate or not – as to whether I will make a decision or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to become self-directed – meaning that I stand as the decision-maker in my life in every moment of breath, I decide who I am, I decide what I am, I decide when I am, I decide how I am – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as this decision maker within myself wherein I push myself to slow down, to consider all points, to consider myself, to look at the point and not just go with the flow, not just do what I feel, do what I experience, do what I want – but that I slow down and consider

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that impulsive decision-making have the consequence that I will create a life for myself wherein I have really no control, I have no actual insight and understanding into what it is that I am doing, I am just doing something, walking something, participating in something, without an actual sound starting point as seeing clearly what it is that I am doing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and within this I accept and allow myself to slow down, to take that breath, to look inside myself, to look into myself, to question where it is that I am coming from, to question where it is that I am going, to not just accept what is coming up within me but to make sure that I am directive and stable within and as my decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions on a whim instead of realizing that in making decision on a whim I am not considering all relevant points, I am not considering and looking at points effectively, I am just making a decision on a whim because I feel like it – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the limited nature of feelings and emotions – and how in looking at and moving myself from a starting point of emotions as what I feel and experience the consequence is that I won’t in-fact be able to create a life for myself that is effective – all will be motivated by experience, all will be motivated by energy, and never will I’ve taken into account what is real and actual as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I make decisions, to assess decisions based on how I feel about them, to think, perceive, and believe that when I feel really good about a decision, then it means that it’s a good decisions, and to when I feel really fearful, or bad about a decision, this means it’s a bad decision; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I can’t possibly evaluate the effectiveness of decisions upon the basis of how I feel about them, simply because I can’t trust what I feel about decisions, I can’t trust what I experience in relation to decisions, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to take the entire decision making process back to a physical level – wherein I look at the actual physical real time points that are involved within a decision – and then make an assessment as to what decision would be the best looking at the most effective outflows of each and every decision

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am about to make a rash decision, and when I see that I am about to move myself upon the basis of a feeling, or emotion, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t move myself from within and as this possession of energy because it will only create consequences, it will only create outflows as me creating a life for myself this is not effective because it’s not based upon an actual physical assessment of my situation; as such I commit myself to slow down when making decisions, and make sure that my decision is based on actual physical considerations and not upon any form or experience of energy

When and as I see that I am evaluating and looking at decisions from a basis of energy, wherein I value a decision either as positive, or as negative, depending on how I feel about it, and how I experience myself in relation to the point, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust my assessment of a decision when it’s done within energy, I mean the only valid point is to assess the actual physical practical outflows of a decision, the actual physical and practical implications of a decision – not the experience thereof; as such I commit myself to evaluate decisions whether they’re effective or not upon the basis of the physical effects and consequences of each decision – and not on the basis of how I feel to and towards the decision

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