Tag Archives: unsure

Day 286: Fear Towards The Unknown

I stand before a decision, and in making this decision, there will be a level of ‘risk’ involved – and with risk – I mean that there is a potential that I will not be able to get what I want which might in turn create some difficulties in my life. What I have seen within this is that all decisions, all movement, regardless of what direction, it all involves a certain level of risk. Hence, life is in its very nature a risky venture.

Because life is itself risky, it makes no sense to fear risks, or to not make decisions because there is a risk involved. In trying to avoid all potential risks, what happens is that life becomes a routine motion of accepting the mediocre, and a life that is less than extraordinary, simply because one does not dare to make the move into the life one wants to have, because it involves the risk of failure. This is where I stand at the moment, and the decision before me, is whether I will push myself to take a risk, and in that give myself the opportunity to make my life so much better, easier, more comfortable, and more the way I want it to be, or remain with that which I know is less uncertain, that which I already know, and that which I feel secure within.

There is a desire within me to remain with the path I am already on, a path that is to some extent certain, because in doing that, I will avoid any potential of failure, and my life will remain the way I have grown accustomed to. However, in doing that, I know that I am compromising myself, my goals, my integrity, and my commitment to myself, to create my life, and not simply accept and allow my life to shape and form through external movements, coincidences, and by chance. Hence I see that I have a responsibility to myself to make this decision, to push myself in this decision that involves more risk, yet that holds more potential for me, and is more aligned with where I want to go in life, and with what I want to create.

Fear is a force that can strangle the potential for self-creation, and fear, always has a polarity, and in my case, the polarity of this fear is a feeling of security, and safety. This feeling of security and safety is something that I derive from having a stead influx of money – and without that steady influx – the other side of the polarity shifts into gear – fear. As such, I see that in order to be effective in pursuing the life I want to create for myself, I cannot accept and allow the feeling of safety and security, and neither the fear of the unknown, and the fear of being without money/survival – as both these polarities serve to chain me into a life that is not aligned with me and my utmost potential.

In the following – I will apply self-forgiveness on these two polarities that I am facing – and then re-create myself through placing self-commitment statements – clarifying for myself how I want to approach and live my life from now on.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to feel safe and secure – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that feeling of safety and security in relation to money – in relation to being liked and having comfortable relationships with people in my world where I feel that I have the support from others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire a sense of security in having money – and in knowing that I am going to have money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus define security and safety in separation from myself – where I feel that I am always lacking these experiences/words – and that I have attain them through earning more money and securing myself in the world system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself in relation to the polarity of fear of survival/not having money – and the feeling of feeling safe/secure in having money – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself as a physical being – with a physical body – directing myself HERE in the physical – and within this not accepting and allowing myself to be directed and moved by and within fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to create my life – I require to take risks – and I require to move myself beyond my comfort zones – and beyond what I am used to – and hence – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my comfort zones and what I feel secure and safe within – not seeing, realizing and understanding that in order to expand myself and become effective in my life – I require to move myself beyond my zones of comfort and into self-trust and self-creation – seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the power to create and build myself regardless of where I am regardless of the situation that I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that fear literally sucks the life out of me – and that thus – in order to live a life that is full – I require to and must dare to move myself out of my zones of comfort – out of what I have always been doing and into a new way of life – where I try new things – where I push myself to do the things I see is best for me – even though I might be afraid of doing them and worried of what might happen – because I cannot easily control and foresee the consequences of my actions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my actions will have negative repercussions – in that I will not be able to retain an income and survive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my own survival – and fear that I am not going to be able to make sure that my life is financially stable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in money and finances to ensure that my life is stable – instead of me placing trust in myself – that I make sure and push my life to be stable and effective – and that I thus do not accept and allow my movement and direction in life to be stifled and conditioned by fear of the future – and fear of not having money – as I understand that I create my life – not money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on small details, and because of that creating major consequences in my life that I am not able to foresee, or prevent, and through that making my life difficult, and hard to handle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle difficulties, and to be able to handle a life that is hard, and arduous, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to protect myself from any form of consequences – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry this big fear inside of myself – as the fear of the unknown – the fear of facing consequences in my life with regards to money and finances that I am not able to control and effectively handle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am weak and that I as such need to protect myself from financial consequences, believing that if this was ever to happen to me, I would fall to pieces, and not be able to pick myself up again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money, and fear being impoverished, and fear not having an absolute control over my future, and how things will play out in my life with regards to finances – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly cautious and careful when it comes to making decisions, and moving myself in my life, fearing that I will make a miscalculated step, in that create consequences for myself that I am not able to deal with or correct – thus creating suffering for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unpredictable and the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself to be able to deal with and direct the unpredictable and the unknown

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not capable of directing myself in a pressured situation where I have no money – and no access to basic creature comforts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make decisions and be courageous when it comes to creating my life – in daring to go where I have not been before – and in daring to make decisions and push myself forward in life to walk paths and into directions that I would have otherwise not ventured into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making an effort in creating and building my life – in fear that I am going to fail and that I am going to cause consequences for myself and others in my life – and hence – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take the easy way out – and to go with what is certain and with what I know will work – so that I do not have to face any potential failures – and so that I do not have to face and walk a life that will be difficult and arduous – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I do not push – and vest myself in my life and in the life I want to create for myself – and thus risk something – I will never fail – yet I will either never be able to create the life that I want to have for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution to creating the life that I want to have for myself – and that I see is best for me – is to dare to take risks – to dare to go for what I want and to not accept and allow fear to get in my way and hold me back – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must also be willing to accept to potential failure – and the potential consequence – and within that – walk through the consequence – and not give up – yet continue to push for creating the life that I want to have for myself – and that I see is best for me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fears of the unknown, and fears with regards to vesting myself in a future, and building a life for myself that I want, because I fear that it will not work and that I will fail, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that in order to win, and have success, I must be willing to fail, to make mistakes, and to not get what I want – yet within that – not give up on myself or my dreams – and continue to push myself forward – and thus I commit myself to continue to push for and create my life – to build and define my life in a way that is best for me – and hence best for all – and thus not accept and allow a life for me that is less than what is best

When and as I see myself going into fears and anxieties, that I might miss something, and due to a small mistake, create massive consequences for myself that did not foresee, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that mistakes and failures are unavoidable, and that it does not help to fear them, it does not help, because fear pacifies, fear makes me go into a standstill where I am not moving myself forward, and looking at how I can create my life, and rather it becomes about self-preservation, and that is not what life and living is about – and thus I commit myself to focus my life and me on self-creation – and self-expansion – and on building and creating the life that I want to have for myself and that I see is best for me – thus CREATING – instead of fearing

I commit myself to dare to invest in my life – to dare to have dreams and to follow through on them – to dare to make mistakes and fail – and within this I commit myself to stand up from my failures and mistakes and continue walking – to as such not give up – and trust myself that I will be able to deal with and direct myself even though things might get difficult and tough

Day 222: Easily Swayed

When I make decisions about what I’m going to do, I notice that I’ve a tendency to be easily swayed and turned around – there isn’t much required for me to go back on a decision, or begin to doubt myself, and then go completely into this doubt, and change my decision completely. It’s an interesting process to follow, because I can do extensive research, place all the pro’s and con’s before me, look at who I am in relation to the point – and with great detail define my decision and through that find the most effective route for me to go. But THEN – when someone tells me that it’s a bad decision, or that I’ve missed dimensions, I’ll many times turn 180 degrees, and then without much thought align with the perspective another is conveying.

The consequence of this pattern is that I create a lot of unnecessary work for myself, and also much needless doubt and anxiety, because the fact of the matter is that I was quite certain and assured within my initial decision. Though due to me doubting myself what happens is that I go through a process of fumbling around with a new decision, thinking about the ins and outs, to then again return to my initial decision, as I realize that this was in-fact the best route for me to go.

Thus what I want to practice and establish within myself is self-reliance, and self-trust – and that when a new perspective is shared with me – that instead of me immediately turning 180 – I instead consider the new information within the stability of breath, that I look at it, and see how it fits in, whether it was a dimension that I had not initially looked at effectively, and whether some tweaks are required. Because it’s not effective to just abandon my decision – since that decision is more often than not effective – though there might be some dimensions that I’ve not considered and that I’ve missed that I require to align.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn 180 in a decision that I’ve made when I get exposed to new information, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, fear trusting my assessment, and fear trusting the decision that I’ve made – and want to instead rely on another for making a more correct assessment and having a better and more clear perspective on the point than what I’ve – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand this self-mistrust, and instability in my decisions is something that creates consequences for me in my life and in my future – because I will shift, and turn, backwards and forwards, instead of looking at the new information within the stability of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must have the courage to trust my own perspectives, my own discernment, my own process of making a decision, and look back at how I made the decision, the effort and energy I placed into it, and from that see that I do have sufficient on my feet to be able to trust myself and stand with my decision and that there is no need to turn a 180 and go back on myself and my initial assessment of the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others in believing that they are more right than me, and also because I fear making a stand, walking a decision, in believing that the decision I’m about to make might be flawed in some way, and that I will then have to face the consequences of a faulty and ineffective decision – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’m creating consequences for myself by me not daring to take a stand, daring to stand by my decisions, by my assessment, and have the courage to face and walk into my decision and the consequences I’ve created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stand within and as courage to face the consequences of my decisions, and to see, realize and understand that I’m able to learn something from a bad decision as well, and that it’s in-fact more effective for me to be stable within the decision I’ve made and within stability consider the new information that is here, and from within and as that stability of breath consider whether there are alignments required to be made within my decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a self-doubt and become possessed with this self-doubt when there is new information coming into my life that requires me to again look at a decision that I’ve made, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead, when doubt comes up within me, to in stability look at the new information, to re-assess my position and see whether there are alignments to be made, and to make it practical – through practically looking at the point and what might be out of alignment and then change and re-direct these points within and as practicality – thus using doubt practically instead of making it a point that becomes a possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as self-doubt instead of changing doubt practically, through when and as doubt comes up within me, to see it as an opportunity and gift to re-assess my position with regards to a decision or direction that I’ve taken – to look at it practically and see whether there is something that I’ve missed – and do this instead of going into a doubt possession and remaining within and as this doubt possession

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can’t give others to responsibility to make decisions for me and my life, because they’ve not gone through the process of consideration that I’ve – and thus they have another perspective – yet I can’t completely throw away the process I’ve walked only because there is another perspective entering my life – rather I must take that perspective and look at what I’m able to learn from it – and whether there is in-fact something missing in my current decision and way of approaching something in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to go into a doubt possession – and become completely lost in this doubt – I’m in-fact creating consequences for myself and making life more ineffective – because I’m going back on points that I’d already settled within myself, thus making my life to be many ups and downs – instead of me standing in stability – standing here within and as breath – looking at the information and then within and as self-direction seeing whether there are some practical changes and alignments that are required to be made

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into doubt and anxiety, thinking that a decision I’ve made might be wrong, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize and understand that if I accept and allow myself to go completely into this doubt I will create consequences for myself and possibly go back on decisions that I’ve made – and directions I’ve settled upon in relation to my future – and thus I commit myself to stop, breathe, and practically use this doubt through re-assessing my decision within and as the stability of breath, to see whether there is something I’ve missed, something I’ve not considered, something which I require to look at and align – and then if required make the decisions or else simply let the point go – and trust myself that I’ve considered the point and looked at it effectively

When and as I go into doubt, want to rely upon another to make decisions for me, and to see the point that is before me, as to where I am going to go with myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can’t rely upon others to know where I am going and where I should go, this must be something that I establish and create for myself, and I can use others to cross-reference and use as a sparring partner, though I can’t let everything be on them to show me what is an effective decision for me – and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for my decisions, and to live the courage of walking into consequence – the consequences that I’ve created and manifested through the decisions I’ve made – and thus stand with a straight back and trust myself that I’ll be able to walk it through and learn from it – and grow from it