Tag Archives: use

Day 450: The Death of the Consumer Culture

I have lately been moving myself away from the constant news coverage around the Corona virus and instead I have been focusing on practical work. Today I repaired my washing machine and my shoe shelf – and I planted seeds for the coming vegetable season. Practical work is extremely supportive when it comes to grounding the mind. When you work with the earth, you cannot move faster than what your body is moving. You have to do one thing at a time and you have to be HERE while doing it. And even though there is such a mess in the world right now, nature, earth, and the environment is still here, it is still supporting, still providing oxygen. And how easy is it not to take that for granted? Yet without natures support, we would not be here at all.

Tending to the environment, to things, to plants, it replenishes me and makes me proud. And that care for my environment is something that carries on to my relationship with myself. I wonder how much of the things we have created throughout time, the machines, the tools, clothes, that we could still use if we would have cared for them properly. However, the current way of using things is to wear them out and throw them away. And many times that makes more sense money wise because it takes more money to repair and tend to old things than to buy new things. And the economy is built around consumption – literally consuming things – instead of using them with care and respect.

The economy has not always been based on consumption. It is a pretty new behavior that was programmed into human beings after the Second World War. Before the age of consumption we bought less, the things were of better quality, and we tended to repair them and use them until they had been used up. Compared to today, we use things for a while, until there is a new model, and then we buy that, not because we really need the new things, but because want to own a new thing, because we have allowed ourselves to be manipulated by marketing and PR that promotes the idea that we need to consume, buy, own more, to be satisfied.

And reflecting this state of useless consumption is the level of personal debt, that has sky rocketed. Today personal debt is common place and accepted as normal. However, should we really be indebted? We have pushed the industrial revolution so far, we can manufacture products with only small portion of human involvement and on gigantic levels, yet still most of us are indebted. And maybe this is because we have created a debt to earth – we have consumed too much without care and respect for the resources that went into creating that particular thing. It reflects our reckless use of what has been given to us freely.

Thus, with the Corona virus, demand has been plummeting. That is not a bad thing. Most of our demand is manufactured and does not spring from a real need. Thus – let us embrace this new economy where demand equals what is needed and not what is created through manipulation of the human mind to desire all kinds of unnecessary shit.

Day 422: Using Money, With Common Sense

It can be easy to forget what is important in the face of money. On the hand, money is really, really important. If you have none – you are literally fucked. However, if you do have your basic needs covered, and money left over to spend on pleasures, then money becomes of less importance.

Because let us say that you have a ton of money, would that make you happier, more comfortable, more safe, have better relationships, be more satisfied? The truth is no – it would however enable you to live out all kind of crazy escapism strategies. What is the purchase of massive luxury yachts, the constant need for home renovating, the urgency to travel and see new places, to experience new kinds of foods, and have new experiences, but our attempts to cover up the truth – the truth that we all feel pretty fucked up – and that our world is pretty much fucked up.

Thus, when the basic needs are covered, and there are money to pursue hobbies and interests, the challenge becomes to keep focus on what is important, and not to become engulfed in the current consumerism capitalism system, where most of everything circles around some form of purchase. It is fascinating – I have seen this many times in myself. I have acquired new hobbies, such as gardening for example. And as I start to deepen my relationship to the interest, the desires start to emerge. Seemingly, I am now in need of a new kind of tool to prepare my garden, or a new type of soil, or seed, to make my hobby fulfilling. This is the lure of money – the belief that we constantly have to spend, to acquire, to purchase in order to fulfill ourselves, and our lives – but the reality is that money is not able to give us that fulfillment – it cannot be bought – it can only be lived.

Children show this to us effectively. They are little about the equipment, the stuff, the toys, and more about their experience within it, their expression, their movement, the relationships, the creativity, and all of the soft, ethereal values that can be explored without money. The challenge as an adult is to remember that. It is not about the money – it is about WHO WE ARE WITHIN WHAT WE DO.

Abundance of money can thus create attention diversion – where we without really wanting it or understanding what we do – start to focus more of ourselves on buying things instead of developing ourselves and our relationships. For example, we neglect our relationships with our children in order to work more, to buy more, to apparently, make ourselves more happy and content – and to create a better future for a children – while really all that our children would want is to spend more time with us when we are relaxed and content.

Money thus is a difficult point to master. The solution as I have found it is to focus on my expression, my expression, and my physical movement – to place focus on WHO I AM and not on what I own or what I want – and to find and establish fulfillment in my expression instead of in buying new things. And it is important to clarify our relationship to money, because in order to change ourselves, and to be a part of changing this reality, we have to use our money to facilitate such a change. We have to spend money to create a better world – and thus – push through our desire/urge to keep it all for ourselves and to use it to further our own interests only.

Muslims have found a good way to deal with this point. They give a percent of their income to people in need, they call it zakat. While it might not have worked in practice – it is a key to moving forward with all kinds of problems in the world. If we want to sort something out, we must fund it, we must give our money to a cause. For example, if we want to support nature, we must invest in nature. If we want to alleviate poverty – we must invest in poor people. And it is not enough to rely on the government to do this – our money must be given direction with awareness. Currently, most of us allow our money to trickle into all kinds of unnecessary and meaningless shit. If we take a self-honest look at what we are buying, it is easy to see that we do not need half of it – and that the money are needed elsewhere.

Thus, when we are able to create a stability in our finances, the challenge is to keep our direction, keep our stability, and to position ourselves to share, to give, and to influence, and impulse the direction/creation we want in this world. Nothing ever comes by itself, it we want it, we have to create it.

Day 362: Remembering Things

Sometimes I have difficult remembering things and usually it will be things like buying certain types of foods, or taking care of this or that responsibility. To prevent it I have tried various techniques, such as for example, using my calendar more effectively, using checklists and writing things down immediately. To a certain extent this has worked well, however, I still find that there is a tendency within me to forget.

Another interesting aspect of this is that I do not have the same difficulties in my job, or with points that are in the sphere of my interests and hobbies, or with other things that I care deeply about. I have thus seen that this point of having difficulty to remember certain things is not about memory in itself, it is about who I am in relation to memory and how I have conditioned myself to exist within myself in certain moments.

Let me share an example; a family member comes into my life. This person says asks me whether I am able to pick up X after work. I tell the person that sure, I can do that. The family member then proceeds the explain the details of the pick-up to me. This would then be a moment where I would start to feel slightly bored, unfocused, and zone out. Not because I have a short attention span, but because I do not value this particular aspect of my life as much as I would with for example my work. Hence, I would not put as much energy/presence/focus into this moment as I would if I had instead, as an example, received instructions from my colleague. The consequence of this pattern is that I would miss important information that my family member shares with me, or that I would only integrate the information on a superficial level in my mind, and that it would because of that disappear at a later stage.

What I have realized is that the real issue is how I value things, and in particular, that I have created a belief that I only have a limited amount of attention/presence/life to give to each part of my life – and that I am thus not able to value all parts of my life equally.

The solution is to push myself to value all parts of my life equally. Practically, this I will do by pushing myself to be present and fully here in all contexts of my life, and in particular, when there is a moment of relaying information, because then, if I am not fully here, I will miss the information and create consequences for myself and others at a later stage. I also see that part of the solution involves creating routines for writing down the things that I have to remember, and learning how to integrate and use a calendar more effectively in my daily life.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I only have so much energy that I can spend, and that I cannot be fully invested in all parts of my life, but that I need to save, and spend my energy carefully, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that when I am HERE – I have full access to the moment and there is no need for an energy/feeling/emotion to drive me – I drive myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to remain attentive, focused and HERE when it comes to planning, discussing and sharing responsibilities in my home environment – and I see, realize and understand that the solution is not complex, advanced, or difficult to apply, it simply to change WHO I AM in the moment of interaction, and instead be HERE fully

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to be effective in my life, I must be HERE, and that I will create consequences for myself by placing different values on different parts of my life – because what I am doing then is that I am separating myself from that very aspect of my life – and instead approach it within either a high strung energy or a low strung energy – instead of simply walking that part of my life as a physical being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value my home environment, my personal and family relationships as much as I do with for example, work, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is showing me something about myself, and my relationship with me, where I thus must ask myself, where am I not valuing my personal relationship with me? Where am I placing my relationship and agreement with myself second, but instead giving all of myself to for example, work?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value my personal relationship with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my personal relationship with myself seriously

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take myself seriously

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my relationship with my body seriously, but to instead value work more, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create these very defined, compartmentalized rooms in my life, where I place a certain value on the content of each room, instead of accepting and allowing myself to approach my life as a whole, as one, and thus not create any separation within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself, and believe that it is normal, and that it is good for me to place a higher value on my work for example

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be HERE in all parts of my life, and to value the manifestations and expressions of my life equally, to look at all that is here as ONE, and not compartmentalize and limit myself, and believe that I only have ‘so much energy’ to spend, and that I thus must keep myself contained, limited, and held back, to be able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent upon me holding myself back, keeping myself in check and in control, and to believe that I must sparsely give of myself in my life, that I must save, and not waste myself on anything unnecessary, because then, apparently, I will not have the energy to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on me not squandering my attention/focus/presence on things that are not important to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself – believing that my attention/focus/presence is limited and that I must save it – that I must keep it tight and close to my heart – because else I might spend it unwisely and then I will not have anything left for the important parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place value on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize real value – to not see that I do have value – and that my value is what I gift to this world that supports life to move towards expressing its utmost potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself ‘zoning out’ when I am discussing responsibilities and commitments, or other things, that include a dimension of remembering something for later, I take a breath, I bring myself back here – and I stop myself – and I see, realize and understand that when I do this – what I create is forgetfulness – because I was not HERE – fully – completely in the moment – the information does not integrate – hence I commit myself to be BREATH and come back here in the physical and attentively listen to what the other is saying – and ask questions if anything is unclear – and then – if the point that must be remembered lies some time ahead in the future – as soon as I have the possibility to do so – I write the information down in my calendar

I commit myself to practically value all parts of my life equally, through pushing myself to be equally focused/attentive/here regardless of where I am at – regardless of whether I am at work – or whether I am at home

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 323: Redefining the word possession

In this blog I am going to work with redefining the word possession. I have decided to work with this word because since I moved to a farm, and within that started to take care of all the various houses, machines, stables, and tools that are here, I been feeling locked/trapped by all of these responsibilities. I have experienced myself as if my possessions possess me – and that my life is solely about making sure that all of these things around me work properly and are at their utmost potential. Hence, I have seen a need to clarify my relationship to things, and to make sure that I am not possessed by what is in my world, but that I possess/own/use what is in my world. To support myself in this process or redefining possession I have listened to the Eqafe interview ‘Possessed or Possessor? – Relationship Success Support’.

How I have l lived the word possession thus far

I have lived the word possession mostly with relation emotional/feeling experiences, as in being possessed by them, however, with regards to things and material possessions, this I have not experienced as a big or problematic. Usually I have not placed sentimental value on my home, or things that I own, and it has been easy for me, to without a feeling of loss, move to a new place. However, some things have been close to my heart, for example guitars I have purchased, technical equipment, and other similar stuff that I have saved up to, and then bought after a long period of desire. Those things I have felt responsible for and connected to in a different way. And when such things have gone missing, or been damaged, it has caused me to become upset and emotional.

In terms of the word possession, I have had a negative emotional connotation to this word, and seen it as a weakness of character. Apparently, to possess, or become possessed is bad – however as I look at it now I do see that possession does not have to be defined as either good or bad – and it can instead be seen for what it is – owning/controlling/having access to a particular gods.

Dictionary definition

1 [mass noun] the state of having, owning, or controlling something.
– Law visible power or control over something, as distinct from lawful ownership; holding or occupancy as distinct from ownership.
– informal the state of possessing an illegal drug: they’re charged with possession.
– (in soccer, rugby, and other ball games) temporary control of the ball by a player or team.
2 (usu. possessions) something that is owned or possessed.
• a territory or country controlled or governed by another: France’s former colonial possessions.
3 [ mass noun ] the state of being controlled by a demon or spirit: they said prayers to protect the people inside the hall from demonic possession.
– the state of being completely dominated by an idea or emotion: fear took possession of my soul.


mid-14c., “act or fact of possessing, a taking possession, occupation,” also “thing possessed, that which is possessed,” from Old French possession “fact of having and holding; what is possessed;” also “demonic possession,” and directly from Latin possessionem (nominative possessio), noun of action from past participle stem of possidere “to possess” (see possess). Legal property sense is earliest; demonic sense first recorded 1580s. Phrase possession is nine (or eleven) points of the law is out of a supposed 10 (or 12). With eleven from 1640s; with nine from 1690s

Sounding of the word


Creative writing

Possession is a form of position. The word indicates my position in relation to something else. For example, if I possess a car, then I have a certain position in relation to that car – a position of ownership – which means that I exact a form of control over that object. However, in another sense, it is not possible for me to own anything, because all things will stay behind as I die. Further, even though I might loose everything I have, the things I have owned still exists within me, as the stories, experiences, realizations and processes that I have walked. Everything exists equally within me as without. Hence, possession takes place HERE in my immediate environment, with the things I can touch and see. Other things, that are not in my immediate environment, they are not things I possess, as I do not exact control over them.

The word possession thus, defined practically, would simply entail having a thing in my immediate presence that I exact some form of control over and can manipulate as I please; it clarifies my position in relation to something else in a moment, wherein my position is that of controlling the object.


Controlling an object that is in my immediate presence

Day 288: Who is doing more? Who is doing less?

During my week off I did some physical work on the farm where I live, and I did that together with my brother. It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed the process of using my body to move myself in the physical. In working like this with another I had one experience that was recurring, and it was the experience of a form of discomfort, fear, anxiety coming up within me. This experience originated from thinking about whether I was doing more work than my brother, whether my brother was going to stop working, whether he was slacking, or whether I was slacking. There was a supervisor existent within me that compared, measured and analyzed the various efforts of the involved persons, trying to answer the question whether the work was divided equitably or not.

So, from where does this pattern originate? What I see being the core point is the idea of fairness, and the fear of things being unfair. With siblings fairness is a big deal, and when things are not fair, the same for all siblings, then what tends to happen is that fighting ensues. The problem with fairness as a concept is that it does not take into account the variables of life, and the fact that persons have different needs, wants, preferences, personalities, lifestyles etc. For things to be fair, it must be the exact same for everyone. All must do the same type of labor, put in the same hours, get the same recognition, have the same responsibilities, and so on. However, because life is not the same for everyone and because everyone is not the same, the concept of fairness is bound to clash with reality.

The fear of things not being fair includes a fear of me being fooled/deceived into doing more than others. As with the idea of fairness, this fear is bound to create problems and limitations when coming into contact with reality. For example, in holding unto the fear of doing more than others, what tends to happen is that I do not do what I am able to do, and I do not put into the hours, effort and precision I could have, because, what if I then do more than others? However the fact is that, in order to really stand and be effective in this world, I require being willing to do more than others, and to put in that extra effort even though nobody else is doing it. That is why it is called being an example, because such a point of integrity and drive has not yet been established as the norm.

Life is not fair, which is completely natural, and that is because fairness is a abstract mental concept created within and as energy, and experience, and not through actual consideration of what is here in this world – not through actually considering how this world functions – and not in consideration of what is best for all. That point of consideration, what is best for all, must be the primary point of movement and consideration, and what is best for all does at all go with the concept of fairness.

Hence, a redefinition of the word fairness, where this point is taken into account would be as follows:

Dividing responsibilities, tasks, or resources, in a way that is practical and that makes sense for everyone involved

With this redefinition of fairness, it is not anymore about who is doing more, or who is doing less; it is about, what is practical, and what makes sense. And in living this redefinition, the fear of doing more than another cannot be allowed to exist, because that will again initiate an ineffective way of looking at and handling reality, where it becomes about checks and balances, instead of looking at what is practical and makes sense for everyone involved.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing more than another, and fear that I will be used, and abused, to have to do work that I feel is rather someone else’s responsibility, and that it would be more fair if someone else do it instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as the concept of fairness, with meaning that everyone should do the same, and to the same extent – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I cannot accept and allow myself to build my self-movement on wanting things to be fair, as that will only lead to me doing the minimum amount, and then expecting others to do the rest, instead of actively living in such a way that benefits others and that creates outflows that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do the same as me, and expect me to do the same as others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to be more flexible, and in this see, realize and understand that life does not follow the concept of fairness, life is not the same for everyone, and hence, attempting and trying to enforce a concept/ideal of fairness unto reality will inevitably cause conflict, and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid labor and responsibilities, and do the least amount possible, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used if I take on responsibilities and actively move myself to do what I see is practical and best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am asked to do something, to immediately reference my idea/definition of fairness, to see whether I think that it is fair or not, whether I feel that it is equitable or not, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not an effective way of approaching reality, and that it is not an effective way of creating/forming/building a society/life that is best for all – because in doing that I require to see beyond what is fair and equitable and instead look at what is practical/best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in keeping checks and balances, in viewing my life from within and as giving points to every action, or inaction, I am limiting myself, and clouding my view of reality and what is REALLY here – because instead – all of what I see is checks and balances – thoughts and inner conversations of whether I have done more or someone else have done more than me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and push myself to be aware of what is really here – what makes sense and what is practical instead of my inner checks and balances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and in this not consider what is practical and what makes sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and as if everyone is doing the same job and nobody is forced to do more – instead of looking at what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not genuinely care for others, meaning, to in-fact care that others have the best life possible, and are truly able to enjoy themselves, to pursue and live a lifestyle that supports them to reach their utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about myself and my sense of fairness – instead of caring about this physical reality and what is here in the flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about whether I feel that I am doing as much as others are – and not care about what is practical and what is best for all involved participants

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my feelings and emotions and not about what is going on here in reality – and thus I see, realize and understand that for a decision to be what is best for all – it must be based on what is physical – what is reality – what is HERE and that cannot be argued or debated

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am looking at my reality from a vantage point of checks and balances, weighing the contribution of everyone, who does more, who does less, etc. I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in doing that, I am not giving birth to a living that is the most supportive and practical for all involved persons, and to do that, I require be HERE in the physical and look at what is practical and makes sense – and thus I commit myself to let go of my balances, and instead place my attention on what is physically going around in my world and move from that starting point

When and as I see that I am placing my focus on a feeling of fairness or a emotion of unfairness, when it comes to responsibilities, or receiving resources, or similar, then I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that what is best cannot be confined or defined within such limited experiences as fairness and unfairness – and that to see and create what is best – I must let go of self-interest and see reality without bias – see clearly all the various participants and the physical momentum – and thus I commit myself to develop and learn to see and assess my physical from a unbiased vantage point – seeing everything for what it is – and making a decision from that point – hence pushing myself to let go of self-interest and instead do what is best for all

Day 132: My Time = My Investment

Today I listened to an interview bought from the Eqafe store called ‘Why You Don’t Really Change?’ – and it was a fascinating exposé about what we should expect of ourselves in terms of changing ourselves.

The essence of the interview was that when we place a certain amount of time into writing, or applying self-forgiveness on a point, then this should be equally seen in the amount we change in our real-time living and application – if this isn’t happening = something isn’t right. And the point that isn’t ‘right’ so to speak, is that we are then not pushing ourselves to change – we are rather expecting it to happen automatically. To get the full gist of what is shared I suggest that you purchase the interview and listen to it yourself.

So, to make this knowledge practical, I am going to take a look at, and list where and in regards to which points in my world that I have spent much time investigating, writing, and applying self-forgiveness, but where I still don’t see significant change and movement.

I already know where these points are, and it’s primarily two points – and the first one is in relation to sexuality, and defining myself, and others according to ideas of beauty, attractiveness, and sensuality – instead of me seeing the person, and their body, for what it is – a body – a person – someone here in this physical reality together with me.

The second point is about irritation – a pattern of irritation that emerge as I wake up in the morning and that arise through me participating in backchat within the nature of blame, and feeling disturbed.

Thus these are the two points that I have still to effectively bring through into physical, practical and real change.

In regards to the first point – I realize that I have yet to establish an effective commitment statement that I am able to live and implement as these points arise – I have as such not given myself proper and effective direction. Thus, the practical commitment-statement I will live when these points arise of judging, defining, or looking at another from the starting point of an energy of attraction, arousal, or their opposites as disgust and resistance is that I will:

Take a breath, and be here with my body, realize that I am a body, and not a energy, and that this person before me is equally a body and not a energy, and that I can participate with them without a energy, because the physical is here regardless of what is my energy experience – and thus I commit myself to unconditionally let go of my energy – and participate here as a physical body – through being present of my breath, of my physical movement, of the physical sensations of that moment, and as such placing my focus and attention on what is here in this physical reality – as actual physical expressions – and thus move myself out of the energetic interpretation and experience in the moment; thus simplistically – I commit myself to interact with the physical – and be here with the physical – not in the energy

In regards to the second point, I see that I have not accepted and allowed myself to firstly, really stop the morning irritation, and neither have I accepted and allowed myself to change the general presence of myself in mornings, wherein I tend to be a bit depressed, and down, not really wanting to get on with my day – participate – move – interact – and be here with my physical world and reality, thus the correction I place for myself is that I will:

When I notice irritation and anger, to take a deep breath, and say NO – I will not go there – it’s unacceptable – I will instead remain stable and participate here in this physical world and reality without any form of energy – I thus commit myself to say stop, to mean stop, and to live stop – and I realize that it’s useless to say STOP – if I don’t MEAN stop – and LIVE stop

And in regards to my general experience of feeling down, and depressed in the morning, I commit myself to allow myself to ENJOY the morning – and be ACTIVE, EXPRESSIVE, and PARTICIPATE, and be HERE with this world and reality – which I can do through for example speaking – applying self-forgiveness with myself, playing guitar, laying down to read, or interact with the cats – the primary point being that I fully immerse myself in the act of LIVING and PARICIPATING here – and realize that I don’t need any energy in me when I wake up – and that I can get out of my bed – and immerse myself in the act of LIVING – and be grateful and jubilant that I have an opportunity to immerse myself in this process of living

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