Today I have head-ache and so in this blog I am going to walk through this point, find the self-dishonesty, forgive it, and place my commitments to prepare myself to transcend the point in real time physical application.
I can clearly see specifically where the head-ache started, it was in a interaction with another human being, wherein I perceived that this other human being utilized a specific voice tonality, and behavior of aggressiveness and in that attempting to belittle me.
The reaction I had was that of sadness and feeling rejected, and I could notice that was very fast to go into blame, wherein I projected this experience that I had within myself as being the fault of another, and thought that it’s due to “their tonality” and “their behavior” that this comes up within me – and that it’s “their fault” because they where apparently deliberate in their behavior. Thus, instead of moving myself to immediate correction I took the escape route of blame – which obviously always leads to stagnation, wherein I do not correct but instead move away from self-responsibility.
One of the prominent points here, I see is how I placed a value in whether this other human being considered me as being intelligent and well-read, or not, because I experienced the tonality of the other as a remark that was implying that I didn’t have neither of these qualities. Thus, fascinating – how I am here dealing with a different, but still similar dimension to the point I’ve dealt with in my previous blogs – it’s about the value that I want to attain from another – I want to feel important and I want to have my ego be stroked in such a way that I experience myself as positively charged, and if this doesn’t happen – I go into a opposite reaction of negativity as feeling that I’ve been ridiculed, rejected and belittled.
The solution is thus to stop myself from placing value on how I believe others see me, regard me, or define me – to realize that this doesn’t in-fact matter, because I actually decide what to value and what not to value – thus when I decide to value myself unconditionally, what others feel or do not feel becomes irrelevant, as I stand as a point of self-value which can’t be touched, broken or bent – because I stand as the point in the flesh – as the living word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, taking it personally, and going into a emotion of sadness, inferiority and feeling belittled, when and as I perceive that another speak to me in a tonality of aggressiveness and deliberate bullying – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in the tonality another human being use in their relationship with me, and to believe that I require people to speak with me in tonalities, in which I can experience myself positively charged up – for me to have self-value
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self-value in separation from myself, and to make self-value conditional on having others like me, speak to me in such a way that I feel positive, and that I feel uplifted, and that I feel important – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a character of ego – as wanting to feel important and wanting to become high on feelings, and blaming others, becoming angry at others, when and as I feel they are not giving me the particular stimulus that I believe I need and require in order to stand as self-value and self-worth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I experience something bad, as an emotion, to believe that this can’t be my own creation, because apparently I can only create what feels good inside of me, and thus within this justifying blame and thinking that it’s another’s fault and not mine – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this form of blame is obviously not justified, because what’s happening inside of me, is obviously me – and thus my responsibility to direct and correct; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in a state of blame instead of continuously moving myself forward in not accepting and allowing myself to remain with and be caught and compromised in energy experiences of and as the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as a emotion is triggered within me in relation to a particular voice that I perceive to be aggressive and belittling, to think “here we go again” – and within that abdicate responsibility and subtly blame another, as thinking that “they made me go” – it was their fault and not mine – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that common sense is that it was in-fact fault – because I am responsible for the pattern existing within that is triggered by a particular voice – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take full responsibility for myself and in every moment ensure that I am not existing in a state of blame – but that I am directing myself and making sure that I am clear and not stuck in a energy
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that blame makes me lame – and that when I accept and allow to have a point of emotion that comes within be defined as another’s fault and another’s creation – I am obviously limiting myself and making myself unable to move forward – to transcend – to push through and to not anymore accept and allow myself to be a follower of and as the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist as a follower to the mind – wherein I will simply follow what comes up within me and then instead of taking responsibility, blame the mind, and blame those around me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to stop and walk beyond this blame – to realize that I can’t blame the mind and I can’t blame others because what arise within me is under my direct control – and I am able to change it as I’ve proven to myself in the past; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not simply remove this blame – and get back to myself to instead look at what solutions there are for me to be able to penetrate and move through this particular emotion or feeling that is arising within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am innocent and that whatever happens within me can’t be my creation because apparently I am so good natured, and my heart is so big and compassionate, that regardless of what happens, it must be someone else’s fault – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself and stick with what is real – to see, realize and understand that regardless whether I believe myself to be innocent or not – the actual fact is that I am the creator of what is going on within me – and thus it’s my responsibility to tend to, to direct and to move what goes in within – and to within that make sure that I correct myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when another is speaking to me and a reaction comes up in my solar plexus, to understand that this reaction doesn’t imply anything about the other human being, it simply has got nothing to do with them – because what comes up within me is me – it’s my design – it’s my acceptances and allowances – it’s what I’ve created throughout my lifetime and thus – I see, realize and understand that I must practice and push myself to not take anything of another personal on any level – but to realize that I am facing within is patterns and mental creations that are in-fact only that – programming – and thus it’s not about another and what they do or say – but it’s all about me as the programmer
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive and believe that reactions that occur within me must be solved through me lashing out on, and making sure that others are set straight for their wrong doings, as apparently causing a reaction within me, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this way of looking at things is completely absurd, because what comes up within is not done by others, it’s proved by the fact that when I walk away from a situation with another, I mean, if there was an experience that came up within me in talking with this other, that point still remains with me even though I walk away – proving that the point occurs within me – and it’s not subject to the words, or the behavior of another
When and as I see that I am going into a state of blaming, as insisting upon that what I experience is the fault, creation, and development of another – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that regardless of what I experience, the experience is ME – it’s MY creation – it’s MY responsibility – and it’s I that must direct and change this point and I can’t in anyway expect and hope that this will be done by another – because it’s impossible – I must create; as such I commit myself to stop blame – and actively take responsibility for myself – through when a reaction come up within me – immediately apply self-forgiveness and move myself with breath to stabilize myself within myself