Observing the experience of yourself as you wake up is a effective technique to get to know ‘the real you’ – and what is actually going on within. Because usually, what comes up in the morning, are those experiences that are otherwise, throughout the day, under the surface of your more immediate, surface conscious and subconscious reactions and experiences.
For a couple of days now, I have been observing my general experience of myself as I wake up, and I have come to see that it is exactly the same experience every morning. As I wake up, and I look on the prospect of starting my day, going to work, getting up into the cold winter morning, I experience a dread, mixed with some depression, and an emotion of resignation/giving up. The though that accompanies this emotion is usually something like: “Here we go again…” – “Another day, nothing has changed, and I have to give my time, and energy to slaving away for a world system that does not care about me…” – “Wow, how did my life become like this? I used to have so much fun as a child!”
Thus, as can be seen by the nature of the backchat, it is a form of depression, hopelessness, self-victimization, and blame, as well as a longing back to the days when I was a child and I did not have to worry about anything, such as money, survival, work, etc. Hence I see, realize and understand that to direct this experience of myself in the mornings, I require to redesign myself in terms of redefining what it means to wake up in the mornings, redefining and changing what words I am to live as I wake up in the morning. Because I see, realize and understand, that it is through words that I create my reality.
In this blog I will do the self-forgiveness on these experiences, and in my next blog I am going to start finding the words that I require to redefine and live in order to recreate my experiences of myself waking up in the morning, so that my mornings can become the time of my day where I am stable, and I without any reactions get up from my bed to start my day, and direct my world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up feeling dread, depression, and a sense of blame towards my coming day – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to this get stuck in this experience when I wake up – and start of my day with these emotions – instead of me moving myself within and as the physical – here as breath – to get things done in my physical environment – and to within this see, realize and understand – that I do not need to feel anything about myself or my life to act – and be effective in my day-to-day living
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful and blame the system for me having to get up in the morning, go to work, and earn money in order to be able to survive – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize my emotional experience in the morning as a get out of jail for free card – where I can sort of say that – hey – this world – this system – look how it is making me feel – and because of this I should not have to participate in it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my mornings within and as the emotions of dread, depression, blame, and hopelessness – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up as I stand up in the morning – give up because I feel that it is all pointless – what is the meaning? And then I feel that – regardless of what I do – nothing is moving forward the way I hoped/desired that it would be – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use these emotions as an excuse for me to give up
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize emotions as an excuse for me to give up
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that for things to be hopeless, there must have been hope to begin with, and in this I see, realize and understand that there is really no hope – hope is in-fact a fallacy, because what hope could there be for this world? The only thing that will potentially help is real physical action – not hope – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up each morning – within passion – as PUSH ON – and PASS IT ON – moving myself up from my bed – with no experience instigating that movement – and directing myself to start caring for my surroundings
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this experience in the morning, it is in-fact self-interest, because it implies that I want to hold unto my personal experience of life, my personal experience of this world, and in this not care about anyone else – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is obviously a lot of people waking up in this world every morning with no chance in hell to do anything to change this current system while I have the resources and skills to impulse change – through my writings – through my participation on the web
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate myself and my life to creating a world that is best for all – and see, realize and understand that this is real care for others – that in making and living this decision – I will actually free myself from petty emotional experiences, simply because they are so insignificant in comparison to actually creating something with my life that is best for all
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my morning experience indicates what I am actually, on a deep level, existing within throughout my day – a state of resentment towards the world system – where I feel that I have been fooled and trapped into this life of mine – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that when my focus becomes the emotions, my experience – what is it that takes a back seat? Well – obviously my physical world – my physical reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and resent the world – for what I perceive being the world being against me – the world causing me grievances – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to react emotionally to this world – to what is happening – to what most human beings are forced to go through in order to survive – I am in-fact limiting myself – I am holding myself back – and I am making myself incapable of standing for a change – because all my focus goes into my experience – my feeling of and as myself – instead of me being present HERE and seeing what is happening – and seeing how I am able to make the most of myself and each day
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can only ever be really effective in this world when I am not accepting and allowing myself to be determined by emotions and feelings – I can only be really effective when and as I give up this habit of interpreting my life through emotions and feelings and thoughts – as I see, realize and understand that all of these creations are in-fact limitations – that their purpose and design is to keep me trapped in a state of self-interest –where I will only care for my experiences and not care for what is in-fact happening in my world
When and as I see that I am going into emotions of dread, hopelessness, fear, and blame as I wake up in the morning, because I dislike, and feel forced to go into this system, make money, survive, and create a career for myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching life is not effective, and that I cannot stand as a real beacon of change when and as I accept and allow myself to react – because then my focus will go into experiences – and not be with me HERE – on what I am doing and what is happening in this world – and what I am able to do to create/manifest a change in this world – and thus I commit myself to refocus my attention – to realize that what is real is the physical – breath – my physical body – this physical world – and that there is in-fact no experiences being forced unto me by this world – I am creating them myself – and thus I commit myself to be stable and steadfast – stick with what is real – and move in this world without any experiences
When and as I wake up in the morning, I commit myself to stand as the word PASSION, as PUSH-ON and as PASS IT ON – and within this see, realize and understand that this day is an opportunity for me to push what is best for all – to find solutions to problems – to share myself as an example of what is best for all – and show that there are ways to deal with the situations that are occurring in this world – both on a personal, and interpersonal level
I commit myself to not except any positive experience as I wake up – and understand that I do not need a positive experience – I only need myself and my realization that I have to do something – and that I must remain stable in myself to be effective in that doing – and hence I commit myself to wake up in the stability of my physical body – and stand as the word of PASSION – the PASSION to move and direct myself – and to utilize each day to grow, expand my process of birthing myself as life from the physical – and the process of bringing through a new economic system in this world that is best for all