Tag Archives: winner

Day 310: Reinventing The Wheel

Ever heard of the expression ‘There is no need to reinvent the wheel!’. For those that have not, this expression implies that it is completely unnecessary to come up with ‘your own way’ of approaching and directing a specific point if a solution has already been found – thus also implying that there is no value in coming up within things yourself – the value is instead in the solution itself and the practical outflows that comes from applying that solution.

I want to write a blog about this point because it has recently opened up in relation to my job. Basically, this is what happened: I had been given a task to write a piece on a specific topic. I sat down and started to sketch out how I would approach the point, only to realize that, there were some things off with the topic. I began making my own inquiries, and sat for some hours doing research. After a while I was satisfied, and also proud over myself that I had found that answers I was looking for. In my mind I imagined myself receiving some sort of praise or recognition from my superiors.

Later during the day I approached my boss and showed him what I had been working on. To my surprise he said; ‘Oh yes, that kind of problem, we deal with it like this, you can do the same here’ – whereupon he showed me an existing template of how the problem could be directed. I experienced a sense of disappointment, because I had hoped that my efforts would be rewarded with praise and attention, and now, it seemed that all my work had been in vain. This led me to ask myself the following questions: ‘Why did I not ask for someone’s perspective before I started to dig into this work?’ – ‘How can I avoid repeating this mistake in the future?’ – ‘How come it is that I place receiving attention and praise as a priority over practically getting things done in ways already tested and trialed?’.

In looking at this point I realized that the reason as to why I wanted to reinvent the wheel was because it would make me special, unique, and more in the eyes of others – through it I would be able to differentiate myself as more than. Though, the consequence of this was that I put in several hours into something that was not required, because the wheel was already invented, I could just have asked, and then solved the task within a matter of minutes.

Hence, this stands as a fitting example as to why wanting to be special, unique, new and the first is a limitation – because in that we are not working with COMMON SENSE – but trying to realize a dream/feeling/hope. And this feeling of being special, it is not even real, because physical creation is but that – it is a physical practical creation – and who created what or when – that does not matter to physical creation. For example, does it matter to a house or those living in the house, that the carpenter who built that house came up with and applied a new idea? Most likely no. And further, being special limits us from copying and using what is good and effective in the way others live their life’s – because we do not want to be a copycat. Though, what is wrong with being a copy cat when what is copied works and is of benefit to everyone?

Instead of wanting to be special, what should be the primary focus is to be of utmost value to ourselves and others in our life – and to be that it is not required for us to be unique – however we do need effective living techniques and in the process of establish such we can learn a lot from others. Hence, the solution that I see for myself when it comes to my job is to develop communication, openness, and also, completely let go of the desire to be special, and replace it with the desire to be effective/of benefit to myself and others. To instead of striving to be recognized, strive to do the best work that I can do.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be special instead of equal with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more than others and be recognized as special – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on myself – where instead of my focus and direction being to create what is best for all – to be of benefit and support to others in my life – my direction becomes about wanting and desiring recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire recognition – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and my physical reality in order to achieve recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice self-recognition – in the sense that I recognize myself as being of value and a asset to others and myself – and push myself to stand as such a force in my life – where the purpose of myself and my future as such is not to become someone in the eyes of others – but instead to become a trustworthy companion that is able to walk this physical reality and give and share what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to invent something unique and out of this world – to want to do something nobody has ever done before so that I can feel special and good about myself in what I am doing – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this desire take the drive within me – and want it to push and drive me through my life – in the belief that I require and need this something – to make a mark in my life – to have done something with my life.

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself doing something because I want to be special – something that is not really practical or necessary and where I am trying to reinvent the wheel – I stop myself – I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in wanting to be special and get recognition I am compromising my effectiveness and my ability to contribute and give to others what is best – and hence I see that there is no practical value in being special – there is no practical value in being unique – and this physical reality does not care about who does what – and hence I commit myself instead practice being of value to myself and others in my world through practical living – where I push myself to take actions that make sense and have results – instead of taking actions in hope of being special.

I commit myself to practice the word simplicity – to embrace simplicity in my life – to embrace simplicity as myself – to see, realize and understand that I do not need to be special in my life – that I do not need to be someone or something to others – that all I need is equality – is to embrace and push me to stand as an equal participant – in that live value – live equality – live contribution – to push myself to be a giving participant that makes a difference through practical – basic – daily actions

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Day 302: The Starting Point of Self-Improvement

Self-improvement, a word that holds a positive charge in the current system and usually this word is defined as an individual experience. In-fact, much of our system is based on self-improvement, where each individual strives to improve themselves in some facet or area of their life, and oftentimes, from within and as the starting point of competition. This is what I have seen for myself, looking back at my life, I can see that my drive to improve myself has been competition, and my satisfaction, as to whether I feel that I have been able to accomplish an improvement or not, has been the feedback and positive critique from others, mainly teachers.

It is hence interesting to see that I have come to define my strengths and weaknesses on the premise of whether I have felt that I have been more improved in comparison others, and been successful in achieving notoriety in competition with others. For example in school, the subjects that I pushed myself in, and within which the teachers and my parents gave me positive recognition, that was also the subjects I was able to do better than others, where I could feel like a winner; a process walked solely for my own gain. And when I succeeded to do something better than another, that would signify that I had reached my goal and that I could now be satisfied. As such, I would push a subject until I achieved that point of recognition, then I would let it go. I did not consider, that perhaps, if I just do enough to win, I will never really be able to discover and see my full potential. Because, fact is that in order to achieve real greatness in any given subject, skill or ability, I cannot accept and allow myself to compare and compete – because then I will stop pushing myself the moment I feel that I have won – though perfection is not something that can be reached only because I have won.

And this brings me back to self-improvement, because I want to discuss a new and expanded definition of self-improvement, where self-improvement is not done for self, or at least, not only for self, but rather for the benefit of everyone – and hence – is not limited by winning or losing. As such, the drive to improve is not anymore to succeed against others, the drive to improve is instead to be able to give more. An example would be a carpenter that is pushing his professional skills, and he does that because he sees that as a master carpenter, he will be able to produce better houses that will be more supportive to its inhabitants. As such, his starting point for mastering carpentry is so that he will be able to give back – he does not want to win, or prove himself – he wants to be able to give the best that he can be – to as such enhance this world and make it better. From within that starting point, there is no limitations, because only the carpenter can decide when he has reached his full potential.

Instead of walking self-improvement from a starting point of self-interest, it can be something we do as a way of contributing to what is best for all. Accordingly, we would also celebrate anyone that is able to improve themselves, as opposed to feeling threatened by them, as we would see/understand that when someone improves upon themselves and becomes better, this is something that will impact positively on everyone. Competition thus, should be seen as the way which we spur each-other to improve, though not for the sake of winning, but for the sake of being able to contribute more, to make more of a difference, and to be a part of creating a world that is truly supportive for everyone.

This is the solution I see that I am going to apply in order to stop myself from getting stuck in a state of competition, and in that only take my skills and abilities to the point where I feel like I am winning – I am going to push myself to improve, expand and grow, because I see, that the more I grow as an individual, the more I will be able to give back, and that in turn will impact on this world positively.

Day 78: You Know I Am Right, Right?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to be right, and wanting to seem like I am right, and wanting to present myself as if I am right, in order to feel good about myself, and in order to be able to define, and see myself as special; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as a desire to stand out and to be remarkable in comparison with others, so that I am able to think about myself in my mind that I am remarkable, and that I am more than others

keep-calm-you-know-i-am-rightI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow myself to participate in discussions, and communication with others from within and as a starting point of wanting to win, and wanting to prove myself as being remarkable, and being more than others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I am walking, and participating from within and as a starting point of wanting to become more than, I am in-fact accepting and allowing myself to by implication say that I am less than others, and that I require and need another to affirm me that I am good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as a desire, and a need to get approval from others, and to be noticed by others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, take myself back here, and realize that this search for approval is completely non-sensical – it’s completely stupid – because I am accepting and allowing myself to squander my moments of breath, and my moments of participation here, in being caught in this experience of wanting to become, instead of simply being, and living here, and realizing that I don’t have prove to anyone that I am here – because I am already here within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as the desire of wanting to be a star, and be noticed as a intelligent, and insightful, and as having the perfect perspective, the perfect knowledge, the perfect understanding – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine, and to think about, and fantasize about what others might think about me, and how others might see me, and how others might consider and define me; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, and not accept and allow myself to be naturally comfortable with myself – and to be authentic within and as my expression, and direction because I want and desire to get something out of life that is more than me being here and living, and participating here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to become a super-achiever, and to be noticed by others as being a great achiever, as being more than, completely unbeatable, completely unstoppable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the cause of evolving myself, and becoming more than, and improving myself, so that I can feel superior, and better than others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to live HERE within and as breath, and to participate not from a starting point of evolving myself as energy, but instead develop my ability to interact, and live, and participate here without being possessed and controlled by and through thoughts, and feelings, and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to gain recognition as being insightful, knowledgeable, and intelligent; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, and suppress myself as my natural movement, and my natural communication, and my natural discussion here, through wanting and desiring to be something to others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here – and within this see, realize, and understand that I do not require, and need to be approved, and to gain recognition – I mean: why do I even believe that I would gain some type of satisfaction with actually reaching a state of recognition? There is nothing saying that I would – as such I commit myself to instead find recognition in me learning to recognize what is real and what isn’t – what is physical practical actuality and what is simply irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself in establishing when and as I am participating in a discussion from within and as a energy of competition as wanting to prove myself, wherein I want and desire to make an impact in order to feel a particular way about myself, and in order to define myself as being more than others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this particular way of being is something that I’ve created because I in-fact feel insecure, and afraid of being rejected, and disposed by others; as I commit myself to stop relying upon others to stabilize myself – but that instead stand up and walk stability unconditionally here within and as breath – through not accepting and allowing myself to give into emotions, and feelings, but that I instead walk here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I have discussions with another, wherein I am not clear, and I do not specifically know what I am doing, and why I am doing it, then this suggests that I am participating from within and as ego, as wanting to create an experience for myself – because common sense dictates that if I am not creating a practical solution, what is it then that I am looking to create? energy possibly? As such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and deliberately stop myself from communicating when I see that my starting point is energy and not working towards a solution that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in competition, in believing that my sense of worth is based upon whether others agree with me, or not, and that my self-direction, and self-application is based upon whether others agree with me, or not – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my time searching for others to recognize me, and agree with me, thinking, and believing that this will stabilize me, and that this will develop a certainty within me, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding it’s a completely illusory idea that I will be able to gain something from another; it’s just energy that I experience and it holds not actual substantial worth, and value, because energy will simply go away after a while and then I am here as I was before

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is so, because it feels so, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow feelings to be my guide in life – and to believe that when it feels right, then it must be right; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that obviously it doesn’t have to be that way – that when it feels right, then it must be right – simply because feelings are not aligned with practical physical reality – feelings just come up in a moment – how can I then trust them to actually guide me through life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice walking as my own guide, and practice utilizing common sense when I make decisions, and practice utilizing mathematical assessments when I make decisions, and not just make decisions upon the basis that “I feel like it” – I mean – how can I trust such a point that “I feel like it” – it makes absolutely no sense at all; I mean this is how murderers, and pedophiles think – that apparently because I feel like it – it’s okay, and it’s the right thing to do – not seeing the obvious common sense that a feeling, or a emotion does not show me what is real – what is actual practical reality – it’s just a feeling, and it’s just emotion – and I give value and meaning to these points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and let go of competition, and wanting to be someone for another, and realize that in me letting go of this point, I will be able to interact with others in a much more free, and effortless manner, because I will not hold unto a point of self-interest that I am defending and wanting to bring through – I will instead be here, with and as my physical, and I am in the situation, but there is no desire, nothing I need to protect, but that I am instead able to speak, and communicate and direct the points towards a solution – and not being possessed with wanting things to go my way, and wanting my opinion to win, and wanting my idea to be recognized

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that being empty when communicating, and having no sides to protect, that is the only starting point from within which I’ll be able to be effective, and take into account what is here – and direct what is here towards a solution that is best for all; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice letting go of all desires to achieve as I communicate, and practice communicating HERE with no secret, and hidden agenda, but that I merely speak here – and share myself here – with nothing to hide, and nothing to defend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and resist letting go of my secret agendas, in the belief that I will loose value, and be able to be “toyed with” when I let go of my secret world that I want to promote and get recognized with others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that my secret world is simply not relevant – because it’s not even real – because it’s only a mental experience and have no physical practical relevance – as such I commit myself to take a breath and work with what is real and what has real positive impact – which is the point of practical solutions

When and as I see that I go into ego, wanting to be recognized, acknowledged, and seen as I speak, and communicate – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment accepting and allowing myself to squander a moment of full living through being possessed within and as a one dimensional perspective as a energy of wanting to be recognized, instead of participating here without a desire – without a agenda – simply interacting, moving, and directing myself HERE and not wanting to achieve any form of particular outcome; as such I commit myself to interact, communicate, and be with others unconditionally here – and not have a secret agenda to further my interests when and as I am speaking, and sharing myself with others

When and as I see that I am going into and as a state of feeling that I must convince another to take on my perspective, and think like me, and that I need my opinion to win – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment suppressing, and limiting myself – placing myself in a one dimensional energy domain in my mind wherein I want to be something unto others instead of me living and participating HERE within and as breath – being effective – specific and disciplined here – and not having a mind experience that I feel I must shove unto others; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here and to walk and participate unconditionally – without a agenda – and to instead share myself here within and as breath as life as oneness and equality here

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Day 55: Learning From Others Instead of Competing

I will continue in looking at the point of wanting approval, and also the point of competition – because this point have been opening up recently, and have become more intense.

competition-in-businessThus – in looking at this point – I mean – what is the essence of this point? What is the real point that is the origin of the point of jealousy, competition, and desire for approval? I mean – it’s simple to see – it’s worthlessness – and it’s uselessness; because the main thing with competition is that I want to win and what does winning implies? It implies that I am something more, which also implies that I must already see myself as being something less – because why would I else have to fight to apparently become more?

Thus – what I am seeing is that I’ve created myself into this personality, and character that defines itself as being worthless, and useless – and because of that through competition seeks, and desires to become something more – I mean – this is obviously a completely ludicrous, and in-effective way to live – and what is even more fascinating is that – in living from this starting point of wanting to win, and wanting to gain approval – I mean not giving myself the attention, and focus that I require – which means that I am not even able to see, and correct the points in my daily living, and participation that are objectively seen – worthless – meaning – that they are simply not effective points.

So I mean – here I want to suggest that you read this blog by Anna Brix Thomsen about how to fake yourself through school with top grades – because this is precisely what I am talking about here. In essence Anna describes how she during her education focused herself upon winning the competition, and getting the best grades – the top marks – but in doing that she completely compromised her actual learning, and her actual education – because she was so focused upon what was going on outside of her, how others saw her, and what type of value, and status she was able retain in the system; I mean – so this is the point – when competition becomes my focus – then I loose that which should have been my focus all the time – which is ME – MYSELF and my relationship with myself.

I mean – the very reason why I am at this stage not a effective, wholesome, and completely stable human-being is because all of my life have been focused upon competition and looking at what others are doing – instead of actually looking at myself and asking myself: “okay, what is it that you’re doing here?” – such a point of self-introspection haven’t been with me through-out my life because my attention as been “out there” instead of HERE with me within and as each moment of breath.

This is also why it’s so important to understand that this process can only be walked for, and as self – and that it’s simply redundant, and a waste of time to imagine myself to be something more than what I am, or through wanting to be something more than what I am, because then I miss the real point of actual walking here – and I miss facing the real nature of myself – and instead I become a illusion running around trying to hide my real character – instead of simply recognizing my real and true character and then disciplining myself to work with this point, and correct this point – in realizing that I must begin somewhere, and that a thousand mile journey begins with a single step – but it’s important to actually walk that distance and not utilize the mind and imagine that I’ve walked it – when I haven’t.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to quell, and remove my experience of myself as being worthless through competition, and through attempting and trying to win – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I mean – why simply not remove worthlessness? Why simply not allow myself to be here with myself without fighting myself, without judging myself, and in-fact allowing myself to live and be here in this life without considering, and defining myself as being worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I require to compare myself with others, and compete with others to gain some sort of value, and a definition of myself that I am able to relate too – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am in-fact limiting myself, and holding myself back from in-fact living when my focus goes to relationships, and goes to what others are doing, or not doing – and who I am in relation to those – because then I do not focus upon myself and my relationship with myself becomes compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationship with myself through focusing upon comparison, and competition – thinking that I am enhancing my relationship to myself when I am apparently “winning” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am merely in-fact destroying my relationship with myself because all of my focus becomes to be something for others to be recognized and feel good about myself – instead of in-fact developing myself within oneness and equality as breath to be a effective, and assertive individual – that do not move by reaction – but that instead invest time to develop self, and to enhance self in real actual practical application as moving with and as the physical here in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give focus upon enhancing myself – and to change the point of competition – from competing to instead learning from others – appreciating that others are effective and that they are here to show me how I can develop that point of effectiveness in myself as well – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully embrace this point of appreciating that others are in-fact very good at what they do – and learn from them – I mean – why do I feel like I have to prove myself and win? It’s completely redundant – instead I accept and allow myself to learn, and expand myself – and further enhance my relationship with myself and this physical reality – to truly become a trustworthy, and stable individual in this world that is able to live in a way that is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning from others, and fear giving up competition – in fear that I will then loose, and that I will then recognize myself as being inferior – instead of allowing myself to drop this entire idea of more, and less – and realize that I am here in this world and that I exist of the same substance as everyone else – and that there is no actual real competition going on – I mean it’s not like there is a real and actual goal that I must kick a ball into because it all exists in my head – and thus I am in-fact fighting myself as others believing that if I let go of competition that I will loose instead of realizing that I can’t loose against myself – I mean that’s just delusional; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once and for all let go of the point of wanting to win, and wanting to have approval – and instead appreciate others, learn from others, and be humble – and understanding that I will not loose anything what-so-ever in applying this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that really there is no such point as winning – I mean winning is only a energetic experience and not a actual physical reality – thus it’s quite insane that I strive towards this point and compromise actual physical education, and learning from others – to get to this point of feeling positive in feeling that I’ve won – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH and bring myself back here to the physical as breath – and to accept and allow myself to walk out of my mind and into the physical – and learn to appreciate the effectiveness of others instead of competing with the effectiveness of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that competition only leads to division, and it leads to jealousy, and fighting, and it doesn’t lead to sharing, and mutual benefit – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to myself the understanding that I will not loose anything from letting go of competition – and that I will gain everything from letting go of competition – and that it’s only a decision that I must make too make a shift in my way of living – wherein I accept and allow myself to genuinely learn, and appreciate what others do that is effective – and if it’s practical – to apply it in my own life – as such expanding myself, and as such also the existence of all – because I am a part of all and not my own island so to speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to the physical – and understand that I can’t loose – because in essence competition isn’t real – it’s a made up concept that can only exist when I have an idea of myself as being something more than the physical here – otherwise I would simply be the physical expressing myself as the physical here – knowing that I can’t be more or less than the physical – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live, and fully embrace this understanding that competition can only exist when I am in my mind – and thus in every breath practice being fully here as my human physical body and as such stopping all highs, and lows – and instead living breath, by breath – here in every moment

Self-corrective statements

When I notice that I attempt and try to fix my experience of feeling worthless, through competing, and winning – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is not going to work – because winning is a polarity opposite of worthlessness – thus the solution is to STOP once and for all – and live HERE in oneness and equality; as such I commit myself to STOP and to instead LEARN from others – instead APPRECIATE others – and also – appreciate myself and stop fighting in understanding that I am sufficient and enough here as myself as the physical

When and as I see, and notice that I am focusing upon what others are doing, or not doing – and that I am competing with them to build up a idea of myself so that I am able to feel secure, and safe – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is simply self-abusive – and that it’s me not understanding the simplicity of living – which is to be HERE in every breath – and not needing and requiring more than simply being here with me – as such I commit myself to stop fighting myself, and others – and instead LEARN instead use others to EDUCATE myself – and to APPRECIATE others – and also within this APPRECIATE myself within oneness and equality

When and as I see that I am competing because I think that I am through competition apparently enhancing myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am not enhancing myself through competition – but merely loosing myself in my mind and missing to live here in reality in actual physical oneness and equality – thus missing the chance to be life here; as such I commit myself to realize that competition is never enhancement – as it’s always based upon a state and sense of inferiority – and that real enhancement is to live HERE and work with what is real – without a experience – without a self-definition – simply being here within oneness and equality – as breath – as what is best for all

When and as I see that another is effective in a point, and I go into competition – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within this limiting myself because here is a opportunity for me to learn, and to observe – and to within that enhance my relationship with myself – as such I commit myself to stop competing and to practice humbleness – to LEARN and EDUCATE myself – and understand that I won’t loose anything within doing that – I mean loosing is in itself a mind-fuck – because if I am here as the physical as breath – have I then ever, or can I even loose something? I mean – no – because I am here – and in the next breath – I am here

When and as I see that I fear learning, I fear appreciating others, and fear letting go of competition – because apparently then I will loose; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that loosing is a delusion, loosing is a mind-fuck – and that I can only loose because I “feel” that I am loosing – I mean but in physical reality I am always here – just the same as I was before I apparently lost – as such I commit myself to humble myself and to walk through this fear – and to in-fact learn from others – and educate myself through looking at, and observing the example that I see others are walking – and as such enhancing my relationship with myself so that I am to become even more effective in my day to day living

When and as I see that I am compromising my actual physical process of learning, and education through going into competition – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – competition only is real when I give it attention, and I decide to act according to it – but it won’t have power over me when I instead change competition to real physical education – as such I commit myself to stop feeling inferior to the effectiveness of others – and instead LEARN and EDUCATE myself through the examples of others that I see in my world – and within this I accept and allow myself to be grateful for the support, and assistance that I receive

When and as I see that I within me glorify competition as something that will enhance my existence – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in giving attention to, and glorifying competition, I am in-fact missing LIFE – I am missing mutual benefit, mutual giving, and mutual enjoyment – and I place instead fighting before togetherness – I mean that is simply insane; as such I commit myself to honor physical living as that is real togetherness as being here within and as the physical in oneness and equality; as such I commit myself to live – and to walk here as a fully physical being and not as a mind in anyway what so ever

When and as I see that I in-fact consider in my mind competition as being real, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that competition is not a real physical fact – it’s a imaginary creation that I’ve participated within without understanding the consequences of this mental creation – as such I commit myself to bring myself back HERE – and realize that HERE as the physical there is no fighting, there is no competition – there is simply me expressing myself here – and as such I commit myself to stop the mind-job of and as competition and comparison once and for all

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Day 19: Test-anxiety – Competition (Part 9)

One of the reasons I experience anxiety, and fear towards not receiving a good grade on my exams is because of competition, and comparison – meaning – that I have thoughts about how I will perform, in relation to others – and within this I experience fear that I will not perform as well as others are going to perform.

competition-people1My first memories of competition in relation to school is from when I was around 10 years old – and here I remember that I was competing with one of my friends as to how got the best test score. When I got the best score I was happy, and excited – and I looked with glee at my friends score, and within that I felt like a winner. When my friend got the best score I became jealous, and I felt inferior and had thoughts of the nature such as: “I must practice more!” – “How come my friend always get’s a better score than me?!” – “Why can’t I be as good as my friend?”

Currently I am studying law – and this education is famous for being very competitive, because in essence your career possibilities are determined by what grades you receive – so I’ve seen that I’ve become very much affected by how my course-mates feel in relation to their grades, and I can see how I’ve been swept into this grade-competition cult. In the beginning when I first started this education I wasn’t that much fearful of receiving a bad grade, but the more, and more I’ve become integrated into the law-culture – I’ve become more inclined to worry, and fear about my grades.

So – here I have a cool opportunity to stand up and stand as an example of not accepting and allowing oneself to go into, and exist as competition – but to instead walk one’s education from a starting point of self-performance – where one change one’s starting point of competition – from competing with others to feel like a winner – to instead compete with oneself in challenging oneself to perform more effectively, and push through resistances, and become more dedicated, and diligent in relation to one’s studies.

Obviously – this is how competition should exist in this world – there shouldn’t be any comparative competition because really such competition is in-fact a lie – because it’s utterly impossible to compete against another as everyone as totally different capabilities, and resources at their disposal – we have all different genetic makeups, all different past’s, different up-bringing’s, and as such it’s really impossible for two people to compete – because they are never equal in all their prerequisites.

Thus – I will push to when I study – to change the competition – from ego-competition – to self-competition – as competing with oneself in challenging oneself to excel – obviously not from a emotional starting point – and not from a starting point of self-judgment – but instead like a game that I am able to play with myself – and that I am able to use to become more effective in my living, and in my various skills that I’ve taken on and decided to develop in this life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to infest myself with competition, and to study from a starting point of competition, and feeling that I am less than others – and that I have to perform, and become better than others in order to be satisfied with myself – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to recognize the fact that competition isn’t in-fact real – when I am competing with others – because I can’t compete with others as no two people have the same prerequisites – as such I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to instead change competition to become a self-support point – wherein I accept and allow myself to compete with myself – in challenging myself to excel, and become more effective within the points that I am walking in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how comparison, and competition are in-fact lies, and illusions that are spread in this world as a virus by media, education, and parents – believing that it’s possible for two people to compare each-other – when obviously it’s not possible – and as such the entire starting point of education, and comparison – and competition in this world is flawed – and without reality-connection; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become influenced by, and take on this flawed definition, and idea of competition – and try to live it within myself, and my world – instead of seeing that it’s not reality-compatible – and that it will accordingly only create conflict within me and my life

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how jealousy, and competition are in-fact misunderstandings – as creations that have been developed from within a assumption that two points can be compared in this reality – while this is not so – as all points in this world, and reality have their own unique past’s, their own unique prerequisites – and as such the idea of competition, jealousy, and comparison – is a flawed idea that is not functional in reality – and based on reality

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into competition, jealousy, and comparison with others – and from this fuel anxiety, and fear within me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand how competition, comparison, and jealousy are concepts that are flawed – and not aligned with reality – they are in-fact illusions and mental projections; as such I commit myself to change competition – and comparison – and create this to be a supportive point for myself – that I utilize within myself – towards myself – to perfect, and move myself to become more effective in regards to the skills, and applications that I’ve taken on to develop and create within and as this lifetime

When and as I see that I am reacting towards what I perceive to be another being more effective than me – and I in that go into anxiety, and jealousy – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t compare myself with another – I can look at another for inspiration – but comparing myself is not viable – because it’s not real – because I am not another – and as such I can’t compare myself with another – though I am able to utilize what I see another do effectively within me – and develop this point in me – from a starting point of self-support, wherein I recognize that I am different than another – and that I can’t expect myself to be like another – and that I as such have to work with myself – here – as what is here as me currently; as such I commit myself to work with me – and to not work, and develop myself from a starting point of comparing myself with another – but instead work, and develop myself – within and as my living – from a starting point of me considering myself – and who I am within and as myself