Tag Archives: word

Day 438: Practical Care

The word CARE. The past week I have practiced living this word and had a couple of realizations in the process.

One point that I realized was that in living care in relation others is that the focus must be how to give/share of myself in such a way that is supportive to another. That cannot be done effectively if I hold unto my own preferences and desires. An example is the following: I sat in the dining room at work and was talking to a colleague of mine. In the past, I have not bee able to talk with this person very well, because I judged their ‘taste’ in what subjects they want to discuss as boring/uninteresting. This time however, I had my eyes set on living the word care. I began to talk with my colleague, and I deliberately opened up and shared myself in relation to topics that I knew my colleague enjoyed to talk about. Further, I asked this person questions – questions I would have normally considered boring – however now – I asked them because I knew that they enjoyed this form of communication. And this was how I applied CARE in this moment.

On a similar note, I have also during my week, when I have heard friends, colleagues or family sharing with me a issue or problem that they have encountered, pushed myself to genuinely consider and look at their difficulty/issue/problem. And then I have communicated with them, and when I have been able to, shared a perspective/solution on the point to support them. Hence, when I have lived care in my communication, what I have done is that instead of me wanting something out of the discussion/interaction, I have instead pushed myself to give and share what I could see would be supportive to the other individual.

When it comes to living CARE towards myself, I have looked at listening to and being attentive to the needs I or my human physical body has in a moment. One way that I have practiced caring for myself in a practical tangible way is through for example, when I have found myself in a state of emotion or feeling, to give myself the time, a moment, to slow down, apply self-forgiveness, make a commitment to myself, and let the reaction go. Hence, giving myself that moment to recognize where I am at, how I experience myself, and assess what would be a supportive course of action to ameliorate the experience/state, has been supportive. Especially while at work, I have found resistances towards giving myself this moment of self-introspection, due to believing/experiencing that there is too little time, too much to do, and that I have to push/will myself to continue working, else I will fall behind. Though, this experience is only an illusion, because I only need a moment to stabilize, a couple of minutes, and then, its done, and afterwards, I will be able to continue with what I was doing, however be far more effective than what I would have been if I had just let the experience continue to mull around inside of me.

I will continue to work with this word in the week to come. I want to expand my application more when it comes to practical care, which I see, is connected with my ability to see/hear what would be supportive to others, and then push myself to give that. Usually, practical care when lived in this way, in some way or another, contradicts my own self-interest in the moment, hence, it is a matter of pushing through the resistance towards giving as I would like to receive, and doing it even though I might not get what I want. Though, not getting what I want, does not necessarily mean that will lose or miss out on anything. Caring and being genuinely concerned for the well-being of another, it is has a value and a sense of fulfillment in itself. It is satisfying to do/live unto another as I would like them to do unto me, and it is satisfying to also, care for myself, and give to myself what I know is best for me.

I will return to this topic in future blog posts and share my findings when it comes to living the word CARE.


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Day 414: Redefining: Physical

After listening to the Eqafe interview Location of Existential Physical Process I have decided to redefine the word PHYSICAL.

How have I lived the word?

Physical, is a word, that I primarily see as a noun or adjective – hence not an action – but rather a passive object or description. Obviously you are able to use the word as a verb, such as: ‘Let’s get physical’ – though that is about the only example I know. Hence, to LIVE the word PHYSICAL – is something I have yet to explore.

However, I have since starting the Desteni I Process been continually practicing physical presence, being AWARE of the physical. I have done that through pushing myself to breath with awareness, and through being aware of my body, from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes – and that is something that have challenged me a lot – at the same time it has also been very enjoyable. This is the closest I get to living the word PHYSICAL.

Otherwise, physical, is something that I see as what I can tangibly touch, see or smell – it is something that interacts with my physical body or in my physical body – something that I am able to sense and experience with and through my body.

Sounding the word

Fuse-The-Cell
Fuss-In-Call
Fuse-Call
Fusion–Call
Cyst–In–All
Fuse–All
Fuse–I–All
First–I–All
First–I-Call

Etymology

early 15c., “of or pertaining to material nature” (in medicine, opposed to surgical), from Medieval Latin physicalis “of nature, natural,” from Latin physica “study of nature” (see physic). Meaning “pertaining to matter” is from 1590s; meaning “having to do with the body, corporeal” is attested from 1780. Meaning “characterized by bodily attributes or activities” is attested from 1970. Physical education first recorded 1838; abbreviated form phys ed is from 1955. Physical therapy is from 1922. Related: Physically.

Creative Writing

Physical – when I take this word within me and look at it – I get the sense of and endless ocean of darkness – silence – there is a deep and contented steadiness to the word – and it feels as if the word is solid – manifest – complete – the foundation from which everything springs and moves. The physical is not only about what can be sensed – it is about that deep connection within the human physical body – that goes deep, deep, into a dark and timeless calm.

Standing and living as the word PHYSICAL – would thus be to bring that deep and timeless calm up within me – and practicing that stance/living/expression within me as I go through my days – seeing, realizing and understanding that these shallow, hasty, rushes of positive and negative energy, that moves about, they are not relevant, neither are they of any consequence, in comparison to the endless depth of the PHYSICAL. Hence – bringing this word up within me can be of great support when I notice that I am loosening my balance and direction – and where I notice and see myself – falling into the trap of some experience or energy.

Redefining the word

The deep and timeless matter from which all originates


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Day 405: Practically Living Care

Today I practiced living the word CARE – and my starting point within it was that I wanted to find practical and concrete ways to live the word. I found a couple of ways to live this word that I had not considered or related to the word care.

The first thing I did was that I, when it was lunch time at work, went to the grocery store and bought some really nice coffee beans, bread, butter and liver pate. Because I really like to ground my own coffee and drink it right away after my lunch – however I tend to procrastinate going to the store and buying the coffee when I have run out of it. However, as an act of care for myself, I decided to go out and buy it as soon as I ran out of it. And because of this I could prepare a nice cup of coffee and drink as an addition to my meal.

As I shared above, I also bought bread, butter and liver pate. I did this because I have for a long time considered having a small storage of light food at work to eat during the afternoons. Usually when I get home from work I am really, really hungry, and hence it was suggested to me to eat a small portion of solid food a couple of hours after lunch. However, I had not, until today that is, realized this idea. For some reason, I had accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate and wait, and now as I write this, I can see within me, that a reason as to why I waited, was because I thought/considered that it was going to get better (by itself) at my next job.

Though, the thing is that my job, my position, will never alter or change WHO I AM at work – that is something that I will change and bring through by my decision and by living it. That is what I did today – so at roughly three o’clock – I prepared a couple of sandwiches for myself and I sat down to eat them. It was great to have some time for myself at the end of my day, to slow down, to restore my blood sugar levels, and to support myself to get through the rest of the day. And when I got home later during the evening – I was not as hungry as I use to be.

So, these might seem as some very simple points – however – for me they were acts of CARE. And I am beginning to see, more and more, that implementing words in my life, in a way that is concrete and practical, begins with changing the small, simple, rudimentary things and parts of my life – such as for example – making sure that I am adequately nurtured throughout my day by having proper access to food.

 


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Day 365: Conditioning Self-Expression

Today I took some time to direct a couple of my material belongings that had been put in storage. I approached the project with the starting point that I had to make a decision for each of my belongings as to what was going to happen to it – what purpose it was going to have for the future to come. The things which I had not used in a couple of years I decided to give away – this group of things included a saxophone and a electric drum set. The underlying principle I applied was simple, with me these possessions were not used to their full potential, and by giving them away to someone that would actually use them, that would support fulfilling both the recipients expression and the instruments potential; in other words – giving the instruments away would be what is best for all.

However, and here is where it starts to get interesting, as I had made the decision to give away the instruments, I began to have second thoughts, and the backchat that moved within me was something along the following lines: ‘What if I will miss these instruments? I might want to play them at a later stage, and then I will not have them! Man, before when I was a bit younger, I played a lot of music, now I do not anymore, I really miss that’. Thus, my initial backchat was initiated by a fear of loss, and then my mind moved to how I miss playing instruments and having music as a part of my life – that latter part of the backchat as well motivated by a fear – a fear that I had lost these expressions of myself which I had accessed when I was younger as part of playing my instruments and devoting myself to music.

The experience took me by surprise, because I had seen that I was finished with these instruments, that I had used them and that I was satisfied with what I had expressed and achieved, though now with this fear coming up, I started to doubt myself. I took a breath and gave myself a moment to stabilize – and I looked at the point within myself.

I could see that practically speaking, I did not use the instruments. Not because I was hindered to do so, but because I had moved into a new part of my life where these instruments did not have the same role to fulfill. I could see that I was satisfied and fulfilled in terms of having explored and pushed myself to develop a relationship with the instruments and that I was ready to let them go. Thus, the fear did not have anything to do with my practical reality – it was all about myself – and how I was actually afraid of moving on and embracing the new expression of myself that have started to come through within me and my life – where my relationship with music and instruments has begun to change.

Because music and the expressions that I could access and live with my instruments, they are still part of my life, however the structure of my life today is different. Now, I express myself with music by singing songs that I really enjoy out loud, together with a stereo blasting the track at the same time – and the creative part of music – which I before expressed through writing and composing songs – that has become part of my job – where I spend a lot of time writing – and my carpentry hobby – where I must use my imagination and problem solving skills to create and find solutions.

Thus – with giving away some of my instruments – I am not giving away the expressions that I have developed and lived in making music – because those expressions are a part of ME – as such I see that it is important to not get lost in the structure and picture of this world – and relate what I experience and live to the images – because it is not about what it looks like – it is about WHO I AM – and HOW I EXPRESS myself within what I do.

I have found that it is easy to forget this, because the images seems to be so important, however looking back out my life, what has always been a constant is that the images change. My world will move, transform, become different, but I remain, which also exemplifies why it is so important to place attention and focus on developing OURSELVES – and not lose ourselves in the evanescent creations/allures of money and consumerism that so easily grip our attention and that we convince ourselves is the most significant point within our lives.


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Day 281: The Hell of Helping

helpLast week I had one of those days at work where things just pile up. Without any warning I had to take on a lot of work that was redirected from other parts of the organization due to certain events. In my mind, this constituted a moment of ‘helping’ that other part of my organization – and because of that some interesting things opened up within me with regards to the word ‘helping’.

Basically, what happened was that I became irritated and resentful because I had to take on these new and unforeseen responsibilities. And it was fascinating, because from a logical perspective, I could see that it made perfect sense that I handled this work, because if I didn’t do it, well, then it would end up with someone else. Further, it is part of my job description to support the organization in its daily operations – I am not supposed to be like an island that only makes sure that my things gets done and that I do not care anything about others.

I could see all of this, yet regardless, what grew within me was irritation and resentment, thoughts like: “Why do I have to do this?” – “Why did it have to be me?” – “I had so many different things planned for today, why me?” – and this battle began within me between reason on the one hand, and pure emotion on the other. My physical experience in this time was that of discomfort, and I could feel that my awareness was oscillating back and forth between being stable in the physical, and lost on a wave of emotion. I experienced myself as two people, and I knew I wanted to in that moment live what my reason was telling me, though due to the emotional experience, I could not give myself to actually making it my priority to contribute to the organization where I work.

Some days later I opened up the word help together with my partner, and this is where I started to see where this two-parted experience comes from, and especially why I have such an emotional relationship to things that concerns helping. When I grew up, my parents used to word help a lot. Though mostly, my parents were not really asking for help, sometimes their starting point would be for me to ‘learn what it means to have responsibilities’ or ‘it must be fair between you and your siblings’ or that ‘you should help because, well, you just should’ – hence as I saw it back then, they were not putting forth a real question of asking for help. This led me to start distrusting people that claim they want to have help. Because what I see when this word is mentioned, is someone that wants to deceive me, and get me to do things for them, because they have some self-interest that they want to be realized.

Obviously, that should not matter, because if I am helping another from a starting point of being conditional, then this is going to lead to consequences anyway – as I will feel that they must do something in return for me to make it fair. And this brings me into another aspect of why I tend to get angry when people ask me to help them, it is because I feel that it is not fair AND I feel that they are taking time away from me – coming into my life and creating a raucous – when I before had everything so nicely planned and sketched out. Thus, ripping me out of the schedule that I had in my mind.

Helping for me has thus been defined as a Hell-Point – something that I would like to avoid. I can agree to help, when I set the terms, the times, the when and the how, however when someone comes to me and asks for help, in a way that I feel is disruptive for the way I have planned my day, then, I feel like HELL – why me?

Because of my issues with helping (and also asking for help, though that is a slightly different variation of this point) I sat down and redefined the word – and this is what I came up with:

HELP
‘Assisting and supporting someone by giving one’s services or resources’

If we break this definition down, it firstly consists of assisting and supporting, which means that helping is an act of co-building and co-creation – it is an act of me stepping in to move with another in achieving a particular outcome. After that comes the word giving, which means that helping is an act of me sharing myself with another, an act of generosity – an act of me seeing that if I was in the position of the person that requires help, I would like to be given this service or resource as it would benefit me.

Thus, in my redefinition of helping I have made it clear that helping is an act of giving and co-creation – and the primary principle behind it all is that of giving as I would like to receive – and seeing the needs/requirements of another and acting to support another to fulfill those. Not because I am going to get anything in return, but because I care for another and wish the best life possible unto another.

In the following I am going to apply self-forgiveness and define my self-corrections as to my current relationship with the word help.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect emotions of anger, irritation and frustration towards helping – and immediately as I am asked to help – become irritated, frustrated, and feel pulled away from what I am doing, my life, and ‘important things’ instead of seeing, realizing and understand that this ‘important thin, is really existing as my own needs/desires and is not all the time that important, but merely an idea of what is important – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this self-absorbed way of observing the world to instead see what I can contribute for the betterment of the whole

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately as someone ask me for help feel disturbed and obstructed in my life, to feel as if someone is standing in my way, and this someone is being really annoying, wanting to control, rule, and direct my life without my permission, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see my life, to only see my desires, to only see what I want to see, and to the whole, not the needs and requirements of the person that is in-front of me, but only my own needs, and desires, and only that which will be supportive for me, and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and angry when I have to help another, because I feel that they are taking me away from the things that I have to do for myself, and that I am being obstructed, and hindered in my movement, because I now have to do all these various things for another that I do not really want to do, and that I do not really want to be a part of, because want to do that which feels important to me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not expand my view and perspective of this world, and the people within it, to see, realize and understand that this world does not only consist of me, and that there is a lot more to take into account, and one of these points is that sometimes helping another is what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become resistant, doubtful, and hesitant when someone asks me to help, because I feel that I shouldn’t have to help them, and I fear that potentially they are using me, and they will not help me anything in return – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this experience within me is not real, and that what I instead should ask myself in the moment is whether helping, and supporting another with this point is best for all, and if I notice that I due to this get too much on my plate, then to delegate, and ask others to step in for me, to ask for help, so that all can share the workload

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am being used when someone asks me to help them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am compromising myself when someone asks me to help them – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that maybe, behind my back, I am seen as weak, because I agree with others and what they ask of me to do, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak and inferior within how I apply myself in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by another as being lenient and weak, and fear that they are going to start using me, because I am helping them out without any demands on my side, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to set a precedent where I am shown as being weak – and that others are going to start abusing me because I have set this precedent that is to lenient

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate helping with being/feeling abused, and misused – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not redefine helping into a concept that is supportive and best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to help people too much, and be too nice, and in that start compromising myself, and my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to lose control over myself and my life, and start doing what everyone else wants me to do, instead of what I require, and have to do – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing touch with myself because all my focus is upon others, and what I should/have to do with others in order to support them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is unfair that I have to help another – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that nobody ever helps me, so why should I have to help another, why should I have to give of my time?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel used when someone asks me to help them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel misused when someone asks me to help them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it is unfair that I have to help another because they will probably not help me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to give of myself and not get anything in return – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to lose myself and my stability because I will get spread thinly and used

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that there is a difference between being abused, and used, and that being used is not problematic, while being abused, which is to be used improperly, and in a way that causes negative outcomes for someone – and thus I see, realize and understand that being used is part of helping – and that as long as there are no consequences developing – it is completely in order to be used for a moment

Self-commitment statements

When and as someone asks for help, and I notice myself going into a resistance, a doubt and hesitancy, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that if I am able to help another, and I can see that helping another in this context would be what I would want for myself, then helping another is what is best for all – and thus something to honor – hence I commit myself – to when asked: Take a look at my day, and where I am within it, what I have to do, and look whether I can assist and support another in what they ask of me, and then I give them an answer, where I state that YES I will help, or NO because I have to do this instead – and thus I commit myself to answer unconditionally – with no strings attached as me wanting anything in return

I commit myself to HELP unconditionally as a giving of myself to another, where I do not expect anything in return

When and as someone asks me for help, and I become doubtful, and fearful that they might be abusing me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that being abused by another would be when what is asked of me creates consequences in my life, or the life of another, where I as such would contribute to a world that is less than best, and thus I commit myself to in the moment cross-reference whether me helping another would initiate such an outflow, and within that give a clear answer back as either YES I will help – or NO

When and as I see myself reacting in anger, irritation and frustration as I am asked to, and then decide to help another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this irritation comes up because I feel that it is unfair that I have to help another – though I see that I will never be able to expand my consideration and care for others if I only do the bare minimum – and that I won’t expand in my motivation and self-creation potential if I only do the same as others and not more – and thus I commit myself to move myself without the concept of what is fair or unfair – and instead look at – is this best? Does this contribute to a better world, a better life? And if it does – then I do it

Day 226: Hold The Door Mr!

I was visiting the library today in order to continue working with my thesis – and the point that I wish to write about today played out in the short instance of me walking through the doors of the library.

So, what happened as I walked through the doors, was that I could in the peripheral of my line of sight spot a women coming up from behind, she was quite far away, yet close enough for it to be practical that I hold the door for her. This was when a experience of anxiety arose within me, a conflict between two opposing forces, whereas on the one side was me not wanting to hold the door, and on the other side was me thinking that I should hold the door.

The one side within me not wanting to hold the door was fascinatingly motivated by anxiety – the anxiety of being considered overly pleasurable, and almost unnaturally amiable – and within that fearing that the woman was going to form an opinion or idea of me that I was a freakish and slightly insane human being. The other side within me, of wanting to hold the door, was equally motivated by anxiety, yet this anxiety was due to me fearing not being seen as amiable and friendly, and becoming the bull’s-eye of rage, and suppressed frustration.

Thus I was stuck between these two experiences, and as I did open and hold the door for this female, it was done only halfway, not really opening the door and holding it for her, yet not really closing the door and leaving her to open it herself – which nicely shows the inner conflict that I was experiencing in that moment.

Let’s now look at the deeper underlying points here, and as far as I see, the origin is self-worth issues – where I accept and allow my value and worth to be determined by what I perceive another is thinking about me – instead of me expressing myself unconditionally, and making the decision as to what I am going to give, share and how to act in a moment, not to elicit a particular response from another, but that I instead do it for and as myself.

As for a correction, I see that this is what I’m able to practice for myself – to when I decide to do something for another, to make sure that I do it for and as myself, because I see the common sense in the moment, because I recognize that this is something that I’d like another to do for myself as well – and NOT because of how I perceive and hope another is going to react to me doing that particular thing.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught in a polarity of fears, where I on the one hand fear being seen as not amiable and friendly, and on the other hand fear living the words amiable, and friendly, because I fear that others are going to judge me as weak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being unconditionally amiable, friendly, and considerate towards another, in fear that they are going to use this against me, and see me as a weak person – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define strength, power, and effectiveness within this world, to be that of not being amiable, but rather being stern, and brutal, and making sure that one get things the way one want them to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear unconditionally sharing the soft and gentle side of myself with others, where I do enjoy to assist and support others in the small practical details of living, such as holding the door for another, or helping another through assisting and supporting them with some practical physical responsibility – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as this dichotomy of fears, as the fear of being seen as weak, and also the fear of coming on to strong, and being disliked by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the problem that lies as a foundation, and a undercurrent within this particular design, is that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live, and express myself unconditionally, and to give to another as I’d like to receive without worrying, fearing, and thinking about how another is going to respond to my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice this point of supporting others in the small, living the word care, and consideration, unconditionally – not expecting anything in return – and not fearing what sort of response my expression will elicit in another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a ideal of the strong and self-reliable man, as this secretive, and stone-faced muscularly built alpha-male, that moves others out of his way, because he’s apparently so strong, important, and powerful in comparison with others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact a very limited view, and definition of what it means to be strong, and what it means to be powerful – that these words are not lived to their fullest unless I take others into consideration, because isn’t power and strength being able to consider someone else before myself? To give to another as I’d like to receive, and unconditionally in a moment, letting go of my self-interest to look at what would assist and support another, and then giving that point to them?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be caught within a dichotomy of wanting to portray myself as strong, self-reliable, and rugged man, while at the same time wanting to make sure that I am likable, amiable and friendly, and that others see me as a pleasant, nice, and comfortable person that they’d like to be with – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a problem I’ve created for myself – because I’ve missed the point of ME – SELF – as not trying to portray or reach anything but rather expressing myself here and being natural – simply being myself – and not trying to become anything other than that – realizing that I am complete here within and as my human physical body – as I move myself within and as breath – within and as human physical body – and that I thus don’t need to play the part of anything else or other but me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when there is an opportunity to assist and support another in small practical detail in my physical world, to then go for it unconditionally, to give another that point, not because I want to be seen as amiable and friendly, not because I want to get anything from another, but rather because I do it, because it’s something that I’d like another to do for me if I where in their position – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice living care and consideration for others practically – and realize that living these words is done within the small apparently insignificant moments of meeting and interacting with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I’m clear on why I do something, there is absolutely no reason to fear how another might, or mightn’t judge it, because I know who I am, I know where I’m coming from, I know where I’m going, and thus there is nothing to be afraid off – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live this certainty within and as myself – in for example the physical event of holding the door for another – to make a decision within myself and then live it – and knowing that I live and walk this decision as a unconditional assistance and support that I give to another and not for me to achieve any sense and experience of superiority, or being liked, seen as amiable or friendly

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of inner conflict between being nice towards another, or playing it cold, and presenting myself as a stern and rugged man, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that neither of these presentations are real, that neither of these experiences are valid, because they’re based on me looking at being stimulated by another, instead of me expressing myself – and thus I commit myself to make a decision in the moment, to either assist and support another within giving myself as care or consideration, or making the assessment that such a point isn’t practical in the moment, and thus simply moving myself in stability, within and as my human physical body to continue in my set direction

I commit myself to practice giving as I’d like to receive, to change the point of me trying to present myself to be liked by another, to instead be a point of me genuinely caring for another, and considering another, and doing something for another, because it’s what I’d like to be done for myself if I was in their shoes

I commit myself to not fear being seen as weak when I give myself as care, and consideration, and within this I see, realize and understand that there is nothing weak about living care, and consideration, that it’s in-fact these kinds of expressions that have been lacking in the world, and that has caused us to end up in the place where we’re at in this moment – and thus I commit myself to break out of my man-mold – and dare myself, to foster the courage within myself, to care and consider another unconditionally and without wanting anything in return

Day 160: Living By the Principle of What is Best for All

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible out come for all

In relation to some decisions that I’ve had to make recently, I’ve seen how this principle above, hasn’t been implemented fully in my life yet, which results in me often being very ambivalent, and uncertain about decisions, future play-outs, how I am going to live, and what I am going to do – simply because: There are so many directions, ways and paths, and no unifying principle that I’ve allowed myself to use to guide myself in the decisions.

Thus, I realize that I can practice this principle, particularly in relation to career decisions, because this is something that I’ve looked at through a glass colored with my own preferences, fears, desires, and expectations, instead of looking at what would be best for all. When I look at my future, what I can do, where I can place myself, and how I can live my life to its fullest potential, its actually quite easy to see where I can make the most of myself and my life – when I remove the personal the decision becomes much more easy to make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions through looking at what would be best for all, and as such I see, realize and understand that decision making becomes complicated when I involve the mind, as my desires, fears, preferences, etc. and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make myself clear within, breathe, and look at all the information involved within and as a decision, and look at it not from a point of personality, but rather look at it from a starting point and perspective of what would be best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not look at my future, my career, my life, from a starting point of what is best for all, and I see, realize and understand how much more simple it becomes to make a decision, and to look at where and how I can place myself in my world, when I do it objectively, and when I do it without my personal preferences coming into play, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I look at my future, and decisions, and points to be walked, to do so HERE, without my personal preferences, to instead look at what would be best for everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at myself, my skills, my potential, and my abilities, not from a starting point of “what can I get out of it” – but rather look at what this world, this physical reality, and humanity can get out of me, and how I can place myself in the most supportive and effective position that would be meaningful, and have purpose, and that would support and nurture others in their process of creating for themselves a life in this world that is dignified

Self-commitments

I commit myself to, when and as I am making decisions, looking at my future, to be objective, and look at how I can place myself in such a way that would be best for everyone involved, that would lead to the biggest maximal impact, and affect the most change, and as such I commit myself to be objective, and look at myself and this world from a starting point of being objective, and looking at what is best for all, and releasing my personal preferences, desires, wants and needs