Tag Archives: work

Day 385: Structuring Life, What Have I Realized Thus Far?

I have now for a while been practicing living the word STRUCTURE. Thus far I have come to see, realize and understand a couple of things in relation to living this word. Firstly, in order to be able to live structure it is important to follow through on my plans – because structuring my life through using timetables, calendars and to-do-lists is only worthwhile if I actually commit myself to follow these. Hence, the word/expression ‘follow-through’ I have found to be very important.

Closely related to ‘follow-through’ is discipline. I have realized that it takes discipline to live structure. For me, this is because I have a tendency to become too impulsive and spontaneous, and sometimes, motivated by stress/anxiety to try and take on and do all things at the same time. Utilizing discipline however, I can push myself to remain consistent and true to my plans – which helps me to remain earthed/practical/rational with regards to how I use my time. With Structure, I can create an overview, however it takes discipline to then stick to the small steps which I have mapped out from that ‘overview’ position – because when I am in the middle of everything – it is easy to get sidetracked and digress.

Living and standing as the word structure is thus a combination of many different words and expressions. This is what makes it challenging to live structure – and especially for me – the challenge has been remain true to my initial commitments. Hence, when I have noticed that I digress, I have applied a technique where I stop up, slow myself down, and breathe for a few moments, and then I return to that point of having a overview, and from there, I look at what is required to be done next. And usually, what causes me to digress is some form of feeling or emotional, where suddenly, I experience something different as very relevant to pursue, though when looking at the point objectively, with clarity, that urge/stress is in-fact not real.

I have also found that structure is not only about time, planning and what happens in my external reality. Structure can also be applied within me. For example, making a decision to always apply self-forgiveness upon, and direct internal experiences as they arise, that is a type and form of structure/platform. Or, simply writing a self-commitment statement, where I specify how to deal with and direct myself in relation to a certain point, that is a form of structure. Thus – structure is an expansive word – that can be lived in a variety of ways – and thus far – I have primarily explored it in the context of work/career – however I do see a lot of potential with regards to living the word in other parts of my life as well.

 


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Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure

I have worked a lot with fear, anxiety and insecurity in relation to work and managed to stabilize myself in many dimensions/areas. However, what is cool, and also challenging about my work, is that I am continuously moving into more expansive positions of responsibility, which then opens up new experiences/dimensions of anxiety, fear and insecurity. I have realized that there are a couple of things that assists and supports me to remain stable at work. Firstly, structuring and planning my work thoroughly assists and supports me to remain stable. Secondly, preparing myself and devoting the time and effort required for me to be fully knowledgeable as to the point I am directing assists and supports me to remain stable. Though, recently with work, because I have been given new responsibilities, it has been more difficult to fall back on my previous tools.

There are primarily two things that builds this pressure within me. It is the fear of making a mistake, mishandling my responsibilities, and facing critique/anger from colleagues and others – and it is the feeling that there is too much, too many responsibilities, and too little time for me to effectively handle them. The latter of these pressure points is not only mind-based – it is a fact that I have little time – and to get to all my responsibilities – it is hence important that I am efficient, precise, prepared and structured – because that enables me to walk through it effectively. The former, the fear of mishandling my responsibilities, is however a mind point, in the sense that, it does not make sense to worry about critique/anger that I might potentially face from others, as it should not affect who I am anyway. Hence, it is these two points, and my relationship to these points that I want to work with. If I am able to stabilize these points – I know that I will be able to work and care for my responsibilities without going into pressure/anxiety/fear.

Thus during the past week I have worked with the word STRUCTURE. Initially I found this word empty and vague. Though, as I considered, looked at, and practiced implementing structure into my life, I came to see that structure is very much practical. Living the word structure is not the same as having routines – because routines does not necessarily have to be structured. In the word structured there is an element of prudence, sagacity and foresight. When something is structured, it is planned, it is considered, it is a plan develop with clarity and understanding. A routine on the other hand is simply something I do because I have done it other times. Structuring my life requires intelligence and self-movement.

I practiced structure through pushing myself to take one day each week, either at the beginning or the end, to plan the week ahead, using ‘to-do-lists’ and basic timetables. This then gave me the opportunity to slow down and look at my work and my home-life from a birds eye-view – which would allow me to prioritize, plan-ahead, consider, refine, and prepare myself for the week to come – so that nothing would come as a surprise. The results of this practice was that I remained grounded and stable throughout my week. When something unexpected came along, I dealt with that, however when that point was sorted out, I would return to the plan.

Another way which I would live structure was to already before I went to take my coffee break, decide on how long it was going to be. I did this because I have a tendency to otherwise, sit at the table, and wait until some of my colleagues leave, and then get up and back to work. However, when I do that, this is sometimes compromising, because I will loose time, that would have been better used working. This, similarly supported me to remain stable, to know what was coming, to know what I was doing, when I was doing it, and how I was doing it.

Hence, structure, a very interesting word, and I have come to see that it is in-fact practical, concrete and very much earthed. Living and integrating structure has however been quite challenging, because I have a tendency to ‘flow out’ into unstructured and spontaneous activity – and although I enjoy this form of expression at times – it is not very supportive to live like this all the time. In other words, it is always supportive to have a direction, though that should not limit me from improvising when it is needed, or I decide to do so, because it is something that I want to experience.

I will continue to experiment with the word structure in the week to come. Will be back with updates.

 


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Day 377: Why Limit Self-Creation?

“There is no time for me to express! Work, labor, having to get money to survive, it is using up all of my time!”
Recognize this backchat and the oftentimes accompanying emotions of stress, pressure, regret and nervousness? Since I began working full time, I have been finding myself thinking this a couple of times, because working, compared to studying, time wise there is a huge difference. Work requires a different form of investment, you must be physically at work, you must push and drive yourself forward, there is usually a lack of time, and there must be results. When studying, you can read your books wherever you like, and you choose your level of ambition, where you want position your standards so to speak. All in all, studying is a lot more flexible and less physically demanding.

However, we live in a world where work is mandatory. We live in a world where our time must be used to get money so that we can survive. We live in a world where money gives us the right to exist – and hence – we HAVE to work – there is no other way around it. Even though we would ideally like to spend all of our time exploring our hobbies and interests, it is not possible, not yet at least. Thus, for me, it is been big changeover, going from studies to work. And one point that I have had to remind myself of continuously is that it is not about WHAT I DO – it is about WHO I AM within what I do. And I do see this understanding as the solution to the inner conflict, because when I stop placing a focus on where I should be, what I should be doing, who I should be meeting, I open up a space for myself, HERE, that I can step into – and then from there – step into the REAL world. And the real world is never set up according to my expectations, though it is in the real world where I have the opportunity to influence, to change, to move, to push; to CREATE myself – and that is meaningful.

SELF-CREATION is the forgotten ingredient in all of our lives. It has become normal to look for something or someone out there to make ourselves feel whole, our lives meaningful, though regardless of how much we look, regardless of the places we visit, the homes we build, the works we get, the people we meet, the hobbies we acquire – unless SELF-CREATION is part of the equation – everything we do feels incomplete – it lacks that something we cannot really put our finger on.

Hence – WORK – and the time we spend there – it is all about WHAT WE MAKE OF IT – it is time that we can use to CREATE ourselves – or it is time that we can waste feeling stuck/controlled/diminished. This is the choice we have – to either fully immerse ourselves in all aspects and parts of our lives and use our time to CREATE – or remain stuck in an illusory world of ideals, hopes and dreams for something better and more.

I have decided to embrace work as a part of my life – as a part of WHO I AM – and I have decided to make work a part of my life where I am CREATING MYSELF.


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Day 376: Stopping The Roller Coaster At Work

I can understand why there are many that dislikes working. During those eight hours, or more, you are basically forced to do things, move, participate, act, and the primary motivation is survival. Further, at work we have to deal with forced relationships. These are relationships we have not chosen, but that come together with the work. The things mentioned are usually a recipe for inner conflict, dissatisfaction, discomfort, and many other emotional experiences; similar to Job – at the job – most of us have to face some tough shit. Though, during my process of self-purification, I have come to see that work, is really a perfect place for SELF-EXPANSION and SELF-MOVEMENT; because it offers a smorgasbord of various experiences, reactions, misaligned relationships, ripe for changing, for anyone interested in expanding and moving themselves beyond their pre-programmed self.

Hence today, I will revisit one of my more deeply ingrained patterns, that keep recurring, and you guessed right, at work. And it has to do with my relationship with superiors. A couple of weeks ago I was assigned to do a project together with a couple of my colleagues. I felt honored and proud to be selected to work with this project, because it was particularly difficult, and required a specific expertise. For some moments, a couple of days, I was in high spirits. Then, disaster struck, at one point in the project, I was not able to execute the needed actions as well as I felt was needed. I became worried and afraid that my superior would react, and went into a state of self-judgment/fear/anxiety. Thus, I am able to see that in relation to work, and in relation to producing results, I am very much driven/motivated by the perceived reactions of my superiors. If I notice that I get positive feedback, I become energetic, positive, happy, and full of drive. If the opposite happens, I become depressed, fearful, and filled with judgment.

This is not a healthy or sustainable way of relating to work. Why? Because work becomes a roller-coaster, ups and downs, highs and lows, because it is not possible for me to only do things ‘right’, to do the things solely in the way my superiors want it. Self-value, self-respect, motivation, determination, must thus be sourced from a different place – these cannot be words the I rely on my superiors to give to me – rather – I must be them myself – and stand unconditionally.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with either feelings of positiveness, when I feel that I have done something that will please my superior, or with emotions of negativity, when I experience that I have done something that will displease or aggravate my superior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become controlled by fear, and feelings of positiveness, to move myself utilizing these experiences as my motivation, my engine of driving myself forward, instead of sticking with what is practical, easy, what works, and what I can do with the time I have available – and measure my production, my results, not against what my superiors say, but rather against what I myself see for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with fear and desire – to believe, on a deep level within myself, that these are the key experiences that I require to make something out of myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how I have missed, and devalued, the point of expressing, moving, and creating for and as myself – where it is not about fear of feeling, but about self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete when I am at work, to define my successes, or failures, in relation to how I feel that I am competing against others, as to whether I am better than them, or whether I am less than them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that, I can express, move, and be just as effective, when I utilize self-movement, when I move myself physically, and it is not dependent upon someone say to, or telling me that I am better than, or less than anyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value in relation to how well my superiors react to me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression, my response at work to either fear or feeling, instead of simply seeing that my superiors is about him or her, and that I do not need to define myself according to this response, and that I can find my own principles, my own movement, my own direction within life, where it is not dependent upon what someone else things of me, and how someone else reacts to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud, happy, and content when I am selected to do something difficult, and then perceive that my value is higher, more than, better, than what it was before – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my value is the same, and that it does not physically change me that I was selected for this, and obviously it should not change me mentally either, because I am still the same, I am still moving myself, directing myself, within and as the same sort of considerations, it is still about me here – and my expression – and not about what someone else thinks about me and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that my value is my own to create – that my value is about the value that I give not the perceived value that I receive from my superiors – it is about who I am – what I contribute – that I can see and clarity for myself – that is real value – value that is not defined in the limited contexts of how others react or feel towards me depending on what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that it is not about what I do – it is about who I am within what I do – thus it does not matter what project I am selected to do – or who I work with – it is about all about who I am

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a positive experience of pride, feeling appreciated, good about myself, powerful, because I perceive a superior of mine as noticed me, and either commended me, or put me to work on something that I perceive as important, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – how this experience within me does not signify real value, expansion, movement, real worth and progress, it is an experience, something that arise because of a misaligned relationship, and I see that if I participate in it, I will create its opposite polarity; thus I commit myself to breathe – and to remind myself – I do this for and as myself – I determine my own success – my own movement – my own direction – I assess myself and where I am going – and for this – I do not need nor do I require my superiors assessment – I commit myself to take back my own direction through standing with and as myself and being own pillar of support

When and as I see myself going into a negative experience of sadness, self-judgment, self-hate, failure, and falling, because I perceive that a superior of mine as judged me, or disliked what I have done, I immediately stop myself, i take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is not about what my superior experiences – that who I am in relation to what I am doing is something that I determine – is something that I assess – and if I am satisfied with my expression – then I am satisfied – and if I am not – then I am not – and then I will push to improve – however – that has nothing to do with what my superior thinks, feels, or does; thus I commit myself to breathe deeply and release these emotions – and then for myself – look at my expression within what I am doing or have done – and see whether I am content or not – whether there is something I can learn or take with this or not

 


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Day 374: Irrational Priorities

For a while I have pushed myself to take on and develop carpentry as a hobby for myself. In this process I have come up with and walked several creative projects in and around my house, which I have found enjoyable, fascinating and challenging. However, in taking on this hobby, I also became aware of another pattern – that of irrational prioritization and placing an unmotivated amount of value on projects/things/tasks – that in turn creates stress, anxiety and worry.

Irrational prioritization is when something, that when observed in a wider context, is of no real impact, is seen as REALLY important. This happened to me with my carpentry hobby. I would come home from work and be tired, cook food, and then to my great dismay find that I had only a small amount of time left to devote myself to my hobby. Other times I would find that I had no time at all. Because of this I started to feel stress and resentment – stress because I had no time to do what I wanted to do/felt was important for me to accomplish – and resentment – because I felt that my work was stealing all of my valuable time that I could have devoted to my hobby.

However, I realized that I could not continue this way of relating to my hobby – and I saw that there was a misalignment with regards to how I prioritized my time. I looked at the point and saw the following: My hobby, it must be something that I do for and as myself, something where I develop and expand myself, my skills, my application, and where I do so as a moment of enjoyment. Carpentry as such is not something that requires me to complete projects, and there is no need to feel stress when I do not have enough time to apply myself within the hobby during a couple of days.

What is of REAL priority and REAL necessity in my life is in-fact such things as MONEY, FOOD, WATER, CLOTHES, TRANSPORTATION, HOUSING, HYGIENE – if those things are not in place there will be consequences – and thus they are a real of REAL importance – REAL priority. If those points are not aligned effectively, and I do not have enough time to get to them, there is a real problem – however – when I do not have enough time to get to my hobby – that is not a problem – it is not an issue – it is simply me not having the time to commit to my hobby.

Thus – what I have come to see is that a lot of my stress have been based on irrational assessments as to how important certain things are in my life. When I have defined and established the real priority/importance of a task/activity – it has been a lot easier to structure my life and move myself without stress. If I have had to little time to get to all the things I have wanted to accomplish, it has been easy to let go of the points that are of no real consequence – and then continue with my day.


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Day 372: Changing The Dynamics of Work

Today I had an interesting experience coming up in relation to work – yet again it was the point of money and superiority rearing its head within me. This time the context was simplistically put as follows: Someone received positive recognition from the boss and it was not me – and it was surprising to see what kind of experiences that came up within me. In particular, I found it interesting to see how deeply I was moved, and what type of backchat that entered into my mind – such as for example: ‘I will not continue to do this work because I do not receive the recognition I deserve’ – ‘Have I done something wrong? Am I not doing my work properly?’.

I realized that these reactions were not really about my boss or my work, but revealed a more ingrained and deeper pattern/way of being that I had not yet explored – the tendency of mine to base WHO I AM on authorities. It is not the first time that I have given up the reigns of my life and handed them over to someone else, because I believed them to be more capable than me. It has happened with friends, family, colleagues and in other forms of social groups – I believe that someone is above me and then I give them complete power over me.

The relevant question to ask is why I do this, and also, what solutions are there that I am able to apply that will assist and support me to change this point.

The first question, why I do this, has a straightforward answer; it is because I do not trust or see myself as sufficiently valuable to stand as this point. I believe that I am not sufficient as a person to walk and decide upon my own way life – where I want to go – and what I want to do with myself – and that I need a plastic daddy at every corner.

The second question, what solutions there are for this point, here I see the following: Instead of doing things for me, or for a purpose/vision that I have created within self-awareness, I do things for my boss, to be appreciated, seen or recognized – the solution must hence be to create directive principle in relation to these parts of my life – and clearly place WHO I AM and WHY I AM doing what I am doing – and then to motivate myself utilizing my own self-created purpose/vision/direction. Hence – the word that must be redefined and lived is AUTHORITY.

Because it is clear that in order to live a fulfilling and expansive life, I must stand as the author-of-me. The direction of my life, who I am within it, why I do what I do, those are aspects of my life that I must decide upon. It cannot be left up to chance and hope – and it most definitely is not effective to hand-over my direction to someone I believe to be more capable than myself. That never works.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, whether I am successful or not, whether I am doing a good job or not, on whether I achieve acceptance from my superiors

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my own acceptance/validation/satisfaction as not good enough, not sufficient, and it does not count when I am satisfied with something, because I require someone else, of a higher stature and position to tell me, that I am doing good, that I am needed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent upon someone else for me to go to my work and be motivated within what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change and alter – to become a different person when I am received differently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type and form of reception for me to be stable and to effectively walk my work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a certain type of reception, and to be accommodated before I invest myself, before I commit, before I move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my superiors when I feel that I am not receiving enough recognition for the way that I am approaching and move to partake in work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work for ME – to not apply myself in work for ME – to not stand with me and assess myself and ask whether I am satisfied – whether I am content – and thus not make it dependent upon anyone else to give me recognition/approval

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will always place a limit on how far I am able to go – if I make myself dependent on someone else to recognize and approve me – that I will then wait – hold myself back – fear moving myself to my utmost ability – and push myself as far as I am able to go – because I am not certain as to whether I will receive a response from a superior – and thus fear that I will not get the recognition in turn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only commit myself in relation to something when I believe/feel/see it as likely that I will get something in return – such as appreciation/recognition from my boss – instead of doing something for and as myself – and thus for example – pursue work in such a way that I do it for me – that I challenge myself – that I push myself – that I commit myself to refine and further my skills in relation to work and that I do not do it to get someone’s liking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inflate myself with positive critique and motivate myself using positive words from others – not seeing, realizing and understand that I will through relying on positive critique, positive words, a positive response from others, set myself up for failure – because I will undoubtedly face the negative side – where I do not get positive critique, where I am ignored or reprimanded in some way – and thus I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see the importance of remaining stable – steadfast – the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – having a clear and solid principle that I utilize to move myself forward with – not making it more or less than what it is

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself pumping myself up using positive critique, or encouragement from my superiors, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – that in order to remain stable and steadfast at my work – in order to be consistent and move myself steadily forward – I cannot accept and allow myself to base my application on what people say or do not say about me – if I get positive or negative critique – rather such points can only ever be allowed to be points of cross-reference that I use in my movement-process – that I walk for and as myself; thus I commit myself to breathe through these positive experiences – to ground myself into and as my human physical body – and see the information as a cross-reference – to then assess it for and as myself – and see whether I am satisfied or there is something that I am able to improve – to thus be and stand as my own point of movement

I commit myself to be my own point of movement at work – by – assessing myself, my professional skills and development, to be honest with myself, and also, to push myself to excel, because I see that I am able to live and apply more – I am able to expand and move myself further – and because it is a natural things for me to expand and move myself further

When I receive negative criticism, or someone ignore me, give attention to another, or does not like what I have produced – and I become sad/demotivated/depressed – I stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing my inner self to be dependent on how others see me – that I limit my movement, my commitment, my drive, my motivation upon whether someone receives me the way I want it or not – hence – not seeing that my work is an extension of ME – and that it is thus not relevant what anyone else thinks or sees about me; thus I commit myself to BREATHE and to ground myself here and continue to move myself – in stability – forward – in my process of expansion and movement – to embrace the steady movement of myself – where I do not accept and allow the highs and lows of life to impact and affect me



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Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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