Tag Archives: work

Day 363: Putting Some Color In Daily Living

Life is a lot about routines. It is a lot about doing the same thing over and over again with very little variance – unless – it is done differently. And this is what I want to pursue the coming week – create variance/exploration in the small and mundane – in that which recurs day after day, week after week.

What I have realized is that it is not possible to escape routine – it is a cemented part of daily living. We have to eat, we have to shit, we have to sleep. And then you have to survive, and there are many routine actions connected to survival; working, cooking, cleaning and so on. Then there are a few breaks from the routine. There are moments that can be spent on a hobby, on traveling and exploring, on moving out from the routine – though – seen as a whole – those moments are few and far in-between.

The main stream opinion is that routines are bad, limiting, confining, and that we need to escape them from time to time. Because the general view on routines are negative, a lot of people live out their lives in a fight against the routine that floods their lives. We sit by our desks at work the entire week longing to go somewhere else, and then when Friday arrives, we finally feel FREE – and we go out and party to break the monotonous daily struggle. Alcohol and other drugs are used to feel free, excited, special – something MORE than what we normally experience throughout the week.

In this blog however, I am going to advocate a different solution to routine. Firstly, I want to stress that routines are not bad. It is not the routine in itself that makes a moment uneventful and unexciting. Routines are merely, a part of life, and actually, they offer opportunities for us to practice and create INTEREST – real INTEREST – in the sense that we literally have to decide to be interested and present in what we are doing.

Secondly, it might be that it is exciting to do something different and live without routines, though routines do have a quality in that they bring stability and clarity. With a good routine, we can put our attention unto more important things. An example would be, that if we have a good routine when it comes to waking up and preparing for work, then we can instead put our attention/effort into being aware of the environment ad being more physical and grounded. Routines thus, are effective in establishing a solid structure, that can be used as a support to start developing internal living skills, such as presence. Having routines also makes life predictable. And while that might not be good every time, it is supportive when it comes to relationships and communication. Because with a good routine established, everyone involved knows what to do and what to expect – there are no surprises.

Thus, routines are cool – however – there is a problem if we accept and allow ourselves to become mentally and physically limited by our routines . When we do not allow ourselves to test something new, or when we are faced with something new, but we stick to our routine anyway, that causes problems, instead of being flexible and tackling the new issue with a new solution. Routines must not become a comfort zone and that can easily happen when we begin to trust our routines more than we trust ourselves. In such instances it can be scary to push beyond a routine and try something different – here its important to remember that it was us that created the routine and as such we are also able to create something new in its place.

For me lately I have faced the point of judging routines, and feeling limited, confined and held back by them. Obviously, this has to do with the point that I have recently become a father. My baby is very much bound and supported by having routines – which is why I have adapted and begun to create more of them. It is challenging in the sense that life without routines feels exciting, fresh and rejuvenated. Life with routines on the other hand can easily feel stuck, uninspiring and trite. What I have realized is that we do not have to experience routines like this. We are able to use the supportive stability and structure that routines offers while at the same time being inspired, refreshed and new. It is all a matter of changing our approach – our STARTING POINT to life – to routines as a matter of fact.

An example would be the following: I wake up on a Monday morning. My routine is to get out of bed, make breakfast, shower, dress and get to work. It is basically the same every day. However, each of these moments in my morning, even though I have lived them countless of times before, offers and opportunity for me to create something new. Let me take the first moment in my morning, get out of bed. That can be done in many ways. What I have done as of recent is to remain in my bed for a while after I have and give myself a moment to feel my body. To breathe, relax my muscles, and prepare myself for the day to come. To check in with myself and decide upon what words/expressions that I am going to push/pursue in the coming day.

Then with preparing and eating my breakfast. Here, what I have done is that I have covered myself with a blanket and eaten the breakfast in the sofa and pushed myself to relax and enjoy my breakfast. A moment of silence, breathing and preparing myself to go out into the world. At work, I have pushed myself to start taking walks each day after lunch – as a way to stretch my legs and support my general well being. And this is something I have had to will myself to do – because my tendency have been to feel that I do not have enough time to go for a walk. It is interesting how the mind works in this regard. The only thing that is seen as adding to productivity is that which is seen to have a direct connection with manifestation of a project/task. However, all of the soft values, such as feeling rested, replenished and rejuvenated, stretched and content in my body, those are not seen as important. That is obviously a mistake. For me, I can clearly see the difference in how I am a lot more efficient when I am rested and refreshed, compared to when I am stressed and strained.

Routines thus, they are meant to be redirected and walked within awareness. Supportive habits could be one of the most empowering things that I have experienced. Things that I do on a daily basis that supports the well being of me and others. Hence, I will not judge routines anymore, but rather learn to live with them and make the most of them.


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Day 457: Work Is Pretty Fun

Something I really feared and resisted, especially in my teens and early twenties, was to get a regular full time job. I saw it as a form of death – and I did not want to become anything like my parents. I perceived both of them as working too much, and as having lost that playful and youthful expression that could recognize in my peers and myself. Back then, I thought the problem was work.

I found various ways to avoid becoming part of the work force – until – I realized that this was a limitation I had created for myself. Once I understood that it was not work that was the problem, and that rather it was WHO I AM in relation to work, my entire perspective changed. I decided to pursue a university degree and from then on I have been committed to learning a trade and acquiring the necessary skills to become effective within it.

Fact is that work now offers one of my primary sources of learning and expansion in life. Obviously, this does not happen automatically. If I just go to work, and sit there, wait for the time pass, then I will be awarded with very few moments of expansion. However, if I make sure that I make work an equal part of my life, where I push myself to learn, expand, and move, then that is what I will receive in equal measure. Expansion does not happen by itself – it must be directed – it requires discipline and effort. Oftentimes there is a wall of resistance that must be broken down. And when I move beyond the resistance, there is a new world opening up.

It is this new world that I have come to enjoy so much in my work. Because it is not necessarily about the work in itself – it can be about the skills I develop that are indirectly related to my work. At the moment, I have been pushed to develop intimacy, empathy and social skills – and not directly in relation to the work I am doing – but rather as something that exist on the side and as a consequence of my primary work responsibilities. That is not something I would have been confronted with had I not been working.

I sometimes hear people complaining about their work and how they do not want to be there but rather be at home living and fulfilling their private interests. This is a limited way of looking at work. The solution is to make sure that regardless of where we are at, that we find ways to discover and empower ourselves. There are opportunities everywhere, however, in order to see them, we have to be OPEN and RECEPTIVE – and in order to ACT on them – we have to be DISCIPLINED and READY. To be able to master this approach we cannot accept and allow ourselves to remain in a state of whining and complaining. We have to be on our toes and READY to embrace whatever might come our way.

Today, I enjoy going to work most of the days in the week. The days where I do not. I see those days as my challenges. They challenge me to go beyond that emotion of resistance, and to make something out of myself and my day, even if I do not feel like it. Because if it is one thing that I have understood, it is that I can never wait for my mind to give me the get go. My emotions and feelings will never be ready. No, I have to make the decision – PHYSICALLY – through acting in the physical – through changing myself with actual acts in matter. Thus, instead of remaining in that state of depression and tiredness – I protrude my chest, I straighten my back, I push my shoulders backwards, breathe deeply, and start to look at what I can do to make the most of where I am – and I PROMISE – there are ALWAYS ways to move beyond the obvious.

Concluding: Work – a challenge and a gift to be lived and experienced fully – and today it is a opportunity that I am grateful to have in my life.

I have used the Desteni tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to manifest this change for myself. And through this process, what seemed to be dry and meaningless, has become a well of inspiration for me. For anyone that wants to know what is possible to be created – I suggest that you investigate Desteni.

 


Day 450: Changing The Cultures At Work

Recently I quit my job and moved unto a new employer, with new office, new colleagues, new routines, and a new culture. It has been very interesting, primarily, because I have been able to observe the difference in culture.

At my first job, there was a pressure and stress to the atmosphere. There was a lot of animosity under the surface, irritation because of changes in the organization, or just general dissatisfaction with the amount of work that was pressuring the employers. There was also this interesting tendency to reward/look positively at putting in long hours at the office. It was seen as good to work more, and I found myself, on a couple of occasions, competing with my colleagues about who was working the most. When I look back at it now, I find it fascinating, because there is absolutely no value in merely working – the focus – should be on the RESULT. If the result is dependent upon working more hours, then it might make sense – however if the result is instead dependent on the QUALITY of work put in – and not the quantity – then it does not make sense to put in more hours than what is needed.

Another point that was quite noticeable at my old work was the hierarchical structure and the competition existent between some of the co-workers. And mostly, the competition had to do about achieving a higher standing in the eyes of those higher up in the hierarchy. Many times this created a tense atmosphere, which led to mistakes being suppressed and withheld, rather than being opened up and discussed. Consequently, information sometimes got lost, and the organization as a whole lost strength.

Though, the most compromising point existent at my old office must have been gossip. It is a very destructive habit. It creates separation between individuals, it separate groups, creates many misunderstandings, and assumptions. Gossip, while it might sound as if a problem is being discussed and opened up, it is only a way of immersing oneself in emotions while attempting to destroy another and get backing from others to feel justified about it. Gossiping is cowardly and should not be allowed in any office. For a organization, gossip is like a illness. I would imagine, that the same organization, free from gossip, would be able to perform with 100 % more efficiency. However it is very difficult to do, because gossip easily becomes like an addiction. Then we become addicted to our problems as well, because they offer us opportunity to bring up our gossip and have others join in.

Hence, the big differences thus far that I have noticed, is not so much in the description of the work, but more in the culture existing at the office – and it is fascinating the impact that this culture can have on how the work is experienced. And culture is not something that is easily changed. In-fact, there are organizational experts and motivational speakers specialized in only changing the culture/the general approach of the employees of a workplace – and in most of the cases without much success. The reason for that, as I see it, is simple. It has not yet been effectively understood how the culture, the accepted and allowed set of behavior in a office, is created – and that employers must put in A LOT more resources into working with/directing the underlying problems that the employers have that come through as for example gossip.

One practical correction that I have applied at work in order to support myself to be more effective has been to push myself to be professional – to keep my relationships and myself directed and targeted at and towards fulfilling the goals/responsibilities of the organization. To do that, I have pushed myself to keep in my mind a overview – to see not only my own personal life – but to as well see how my position, and the actions I take in my position, influence and effect others. Doing that, I have also come to see the value in what I am doing. And due to this personal relationships has become less important, in favor of prioritizing fulfilling the responsibilities I have.

On a final note, I want to add that, when it comes to office politics and work environments, even though it might feel like we cannot change them, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of us taking back the initiative and ACTING. We cannot wait for others to change – if we want a different atmosphere – we have to create it – and that always begins with ourselves. If we want less gossip, first we must make sure that WE do not gossip. If we want less stress and more structure – then we must first make sure that WE live and create that for ourselves – that we stand as an example. And I have experienced this at my past work place – things do change when I change. As such, blame is NEVER valid – we always have the power and capacity to do something about our situation.

 


 

Day 442: Slowing Down = Speeding Up?

In my work, one thing that I have noticed, is that mistakes and errors most of the times arise as a consequence of wanting to move too fast. When I want to get more things done than what I am able to handle, and more speedily at that, mistakes will be made. Thus, to be slow, structured and steady is really an art-form – a valuable skill – especially in today’s world where everything moves faster and faster.

I have realized that having a clearly defined structure and a simple and grounded method assists and supports a great deal with keeping a steady momentum. An example would be the way I have decided to set up my proof-reading technique. I always proof-read everything I write, and I do it one, preferably several days after I have done the writing. That will give me space to forget and reconsider what I have written, so that I can re-read it with fresh eyes. Further, I always proof-read first thing in the morning, because that is when my mind is fresh and alert – ready to catch any small inconsistency and mistake. I then read through the text and mark each mistake or change I want to make. I read through every line – and push myself to be attentive and concentrated – and really READ all of what I written – which can be very hard to do. The reason being that it is easy to start reading on a automatic pilot, to begin to assume that words have been written that have not. For me to proof-read effectively, it is of essential importance that I am HERE – and that I am not stressing or hurrying to get to anywhere else. Hence, the importance of pace. If I move too fast, I will miss points, and create mistakes.

For me, the challenge has been to push through the state of urgency/stress I experience sometimes when I am at work, with deadlines and responsibilities, because when I am in such a experience, it feels like there is just not enough time for me to slow down. Though, the opposite is actually true. To slow down, and do things properly and effectively ONCE, actually means that I am able to speed up. The speed though is simply a outflow of being precise, concentrated and focused – SLOW and DELIBERATE – and not rushing and being all over the place.

Slowing down is what allows for real speed and efficiency. And I have seen this in my work time and time again. If I am slow and deliberate, I only have to do it once, and it will be done, all points and dimensions considered and directed. However, if I do it in a haste, there will be mistakes, things I have forgotten, and it does not help that I might feel confident or self-assured, because when I move too fast, mistakes are unavoidable. Perfection requires a steady movement, a movement and pace that allows for deep concentration.

Another important point to consider is to not fear making mistakes. The fear of making mistakes actually supports the state of rush/stress and is hence NOT conducive of slow, efficient and precise self-movement. Many seem to believe that the fear of making mistakes is supportive when it comes to developing thoroughness and focus. Though, consider the following, we have a body and a mind, our tools that we use when we work. These tools have a limited capacity – there is only so much physical energy at our disposal – and when that is used up – we have to rest in order to regain our strength. Thus, if we are continuously in a fear of making mistakes, this is going to use up part of our limited energy capacity – and thus – there is less energy at our disposal to be focused/directed into concentration and focus – and hence – we are actually increasing our risks of making mistakes by fearing to make a mistake.

The best possible approach is to be fearless. When we are fearless, we can place our focus on that which MATTERS – the MATTER at hand – and put all of our attention unto what we have in front of us.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empowered when I become anxious and fearful of making mistakes, and think that this fear is my fuel, my power, my motivation, that will guide and assist me, and be my guardian angel that I can rely upon when things get tough – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that this fear of making mistakes is actually causing me to make more mistakes, because I do not have my full focus and attention HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my fear of making mistakes and see it as an asset that I can use – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I become inefficient when I move myself from within and as this fear of making mistakes, I become irrational, and I start making decisions that are based on fear instead of common sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my fear is empowering, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to be in my fear and anxiety, to hold unto it, to fear letting go of my fear and anxiety, in the belief, that if I let go of my fear and anxiety, I am going to lose myself, my motivation and my drive, and I am going to start making a lot more mistakes, and I am not going to do anything worthwhile with my life what so ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am strong, capable, and able of directing and moving myself effectively, be specific, focused and concentrated, WITHOUT fear of making mistakes – because I can make decisions as to who and what I am – I do not need nor do I require anxiety to exist within me and be a part of my life – because I can live in the physical and create myself to live and be what I want to be and what is best for me as well as others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear and anxiety, that survival stress, will help me to be more specific and exact – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in accepting and allowing survival stress to rule and determine my life, and my world – I am more prone to make mistakes – I am more prone to miss important facts and facets of a problem or decision – and thus more prone to create things in my life that I do not want in my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into survival stress, when I begin to move myself hastily, from task to task without no flow, ease and without deliberate action – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this survival stress is holding me back from being effective in my life and from creating myself – because when and as I have this survival stress within me – I miss what is HERE in my life – and I miss MYSELF – as my living becomes focused on and around this survival stress – and thus I commit myself to deliberately slow down and to practice grounding myself back into the physical – and to practice moving myself from within and as BREATH – each and every time I notice that I go into survival stress/anxiety


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Day 437: Redefining The Word Reliable

Being seen and defined as reliable by others, that is something that is very important to me. In some regards, it has supported me to be cautious and precise with my impression on others, in other aspects, it has limited me, and the limitations I have created have most of the times been connected to the fear/anxiety I experience in relation to not being seen as reliable to others. Thus, in this blog I am going to look deeper at, and redefine the word reliable, and make it a practical word that I can live for and as myself.

How I live the word currently

Currently what being reliable means to me is that I am true to my word. When I say I am going to do something, I do it – if I share a bit of information – I make sure it is correct – I make sure that what I say I can do, I am also able to do. Being reliable is also much about how others experience me. If I do something that could potentially be seen as bad, or if I see that another reacts towards me, in the sense of distrusting me, then I feel start to feel/experience myself as a unreliable person, and this is oftentimes connected to self-judgment, where I condemn myself harshly for being unreliable.

Dictionary definition

adjective
consistently good in quality or performance; able to be trusted: a reliable source of information.

noun (usu. reliables)
a reliable person or thing: the supporting cast includes old reliables like Mitchell.

Sounding the word

Rely-able
Real-able
Real-I-Able
Really-Able

Creative writing

I like the sound, Real-I-Able. Drawing from the sound of the word, what I can see as definition and meaning of reliable, is that of standing firm and grounded within self when facing the world, hence being consistent, constant, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is being reliable. It is possible to fake being reliable if its only about how others sees me. Real reliability however, is about standing and being stable regardless of what comes up within me. It is the ability to apply self-forgiveness upon and the direct the patterns emerging within me without hesitation, directing it immediately, and return to the stability and constancy of breath/here – and doing that consistently – that is what makes the difference.

Reliable, it is not about others, it is about me making a decision about who I am, and sticking to it – and sticking to it over and over again each and every time that the pattern arise. When being reliable becomes about others, then I miss what reliability is all about – that it is about my stability and stand within and as myself – me being REAL and not accepting and allowing emotions or feelings draw up a cloud of dust within me, and cloud my vision.

Redefinition

Consistently living with stability and common sense

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being reliable from the outside, wanting this to be confirmed by others, instead of me standing as reliable for and as myself, where the definition of being reliable, is that I stand within and as my human physical body, that I push and will myself to act according to what is physical, and that I push myself to forgive and let go of emotions and feelings when these emerge within me in some way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at reliability as something that I am given by others, something that I receive through being deserving and acting in a way that others see as being reliable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget, and miss out on what it means to be reliable for real, where reliable would be to be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – that I push and will myself to be stable and directive – and that I do not accept and allow myself to jump into the emotion/feeling wagon to be dragged and moved somewhere that is NOT my intention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another judging me as unreliable, because I believe that this will actually make me unreliable – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that being unreliable or not, is not about what others think of me, it is about WHO I AM, it is about me standing with the physical, and acting according to what is mathematically best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be confirmed by another as reliable, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that in a way, this is me trying to escape from, and find a shortcut to real reliability, where I want others to give me this definition, instead of me developing, enhancing and pushing myself to confirm and define myself as reliability, doing it for myself, and seeing that I am in-fact reliable in who I am and in what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make my definition of reliable something that is personal to me, something that I am able to have control and direction over, and something that is meaningful to me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to have another see/define me as reliable, I stop myself, take a breath, and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that wanting another to see, define and view me as reliable is limiting me from actually developing reliability as an expression for and as myself – and thus I commit myself to focus on myself and my expansion/creation/living of reliability – where I focus on creating myself as this word through each time I react, become emotional, or charged with feelings, that I bring myself back here to my body, that I forgive, let go, and create a solution for myself


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Day 429: Justice and Fairness = Limitation

Last week I faced a situation at work where I had to handle a disagreement between two people. Subtly, however noticeably, I sided with one of them, because I felt/thought that they stood on a moral high ground. I decided to intervene and support them to find common ground and a solution. And here is where things go interesting. Because I was in a slight reaction of judgment towards one of the participants, I looked at potential solutions/ways to deal with the situation in a limited, one dimensional way. I wanted a fair solution, however, in only considering what was fair, I missed many other values and parameters that must be taken into account to find the BEST solution.

For example, the solution I saw within myself was the one of the persons (the one I judged) backed down from his position and agreed to a proposition, slightly different from what he wanted. And my inner motive for wanting this solution was that I thought it to be fair and right. However, by becoming focused on this one solution, I missed other values/dimensions, ways to solve the problem, that would have been better for both parties. Even though my solution helped one of the participants to ‘get his will through’, afterwards, I could see that, this was not necessarily the BEST way – and I could see, that it was not BEST for everyone to be just and fair.

And this is the point I want to get at: Fairness and Justice, even though they might seem to be ideals to strive towards, they are also one sided, impractical and by using these ideals to make decisions, we only take into account a few points out of the many, many dimensions that exist in physical reality, which must considered if we want to make good and effective decisions. And in-fact, even if I want to claim that I am impartially fair and just, at the core, there is a judgment, there is a reaction, there is a pattern that I have not yet dealt with that I require to look at.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming emotional and judgmental with thinking that I am being fair and just, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I am emotional, and focused on what I feel is fair and just, then I am missing common sense, and I am not seeing the moment for what it is, I am not seeing ALL the parameters and dimensions of the point, and hence I am limiting myself from moving forward and bringing through and creating the BEST possible solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being emotional is never a strength, even though I might claim that I am being just and fair, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not keep my cool, keep my stability, regardless of how unjust or unfair I feel that a situation is, and regardless of how much I want to go into and deal with the situation through becoming emotional, because emotions never help, they cloud my clarity, and at the end of the day, I create more problems for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empowered and strong when I access emotions, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access emotions because I believe that it is right to do so, because I believe that the situation needs it, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘force it’ – to try to scream, yell, and force myself to get power and control over a situation – instead of remaining with and as breath – remaining with and as stability – from which I can see the situation with clarity – from where I can make decisions that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that real strength, real power, real justice, and real fairness is to remain stable – and then to act according to what is best for all – taking into account ALL the points that are here – and when I stand with and as stability – I have the power and ability to consider ALL points – because then I am not limited and secluded into an emotional context where I am prejudiced and bound to move a certain direction because it is what I believe and feel to be right – however not necessarily what is the BEST

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself judging, taking sides, or becoming emotional, when I am participating in a discussion, part of a conflict, or seeing others in a conflict, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can only see with clarity, and can only establish and see ahead, what is common sense, and what is best for all, when I am stable, when I am grounded, when I am impartial, when I stand here able to view all vantage points – and hence I commit myself to stand impartial – to stand stable – to stand within and as my human physical body and see both parties – see EVERYONE involved without judgment or emotions – and thus I commit myself to push myself to select and go for the solution that is BEST for EVERYONE


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Day 428: Changing Competition

I have now been back at work for a couple of weeks, and one point that has opened up, which has not been present during my vacation, is competition. I have noticed that I compete with my colleagues in many respects, and most of the the time I am competing for attention/recognition/praise from a superior.

This week I have actively challenged my tendency of becoming fearful/anxious/judgmental when I receive criticism by my superiors at work. Usually, I would react in fear, stress or anxiety, and then go into a judgment, and then try to improve that particular aspect of my work so as to not repeat the same mistake again. The way I have challenged this behavior is to, instead of looking at how to change/improve my professional skills to avoid criticism, I look at and push myself to find the core problem and issue within me that is responsible for me making that mistake in the first place.

An example would be how I made a mistake when writing a report at work. My superior came into my room and showed me that I had missed some information. I wanted to go into anxiety and self-judgment, however I stopped myself and instead decided to look at the core issue. What I found was that, at times, I will have this fine feeling/experience that I have missed something, that something is ‘off’, something is not as it should be. The mistake I have done in those moments is that I have brushed that feeling over by saying to myself: ‘No, no, I have done the necessary work, let’s just get done with this now’. Hence, in-fact forcing myself to move forward, when there is a part of me signalling that I am not completely finished. Hence, I made the commitment to start practicing listening to this fine part of myself that comes through at times, to take it seriously, and put more effort and time into investigating and proof-reading, when I ‘suspect’ that something is not as it should be.

What I could also see, as a core problem, was that I at times, too fast throw myself at a conclusion, because I want to get done with it, and because of that, I make unnecessary mistakes, when I could have avoided that mistake through a bit more of research, consideration and deliberation – in essence – CALMING myself down and daring to MOVE and DIRECT myself as SLOW as is needed. There is no meaning or sense in rushing something. However, it takes a commitment, it takes breathing, it takes being steady and stable, to move slowly and comfortably, to dare to use my time and invest it into the various projects in my life, and not haste, believing that I will be able to ‘do more’ if I haste.

Thus, instead of competing, I bring it back to myself. Instead of trying to beat others, I place my focus on challenging myself, and ‘beating’ myself – doing better than what I did in the past – and pushing myself to continuously create myself, and move forward, regardless of what it is that I am doing – there is always room for expansion and momentum. And instead of trying to achieve respect and attention from a superior – I make sure that I give these things to myself – earning my own respect through the way I live – and giving myself attention through literally – paying attention to myself and what I am going through.

 


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