Tag Archives: work

Day 429: Justice and Fairness = Limitation

Last week I faced a situation at work where I had to handle a disagreement between two people. Subtly, however noticeably, I sided with one of them, because I felt/thought that they stood on a moral high ground. I decided to intervene and support them to find common ground and a solution. And here is where things go interesting. Because I was in a slight reaction of judgment towards one of the participants, I looked at potential solutions/ways to deal with the situation in a limited, one dimensional way. I wanted a fair solution, however, in only considering what was fair, I missed many other values and parameters that must be taken into account to find the BEST solution.

For example, the solution I saw within myself was the one of the persons (the one I judged) backed down from his position and agreed to a proposition, slightly different from what he wanted. And my inner motive for wanting this solution was that I thought it to be fair and right. However, by becoming focused on this one solution, I missed other values/dimensions, ways to solve the problem, that would have been better for both parties. Even though my solution helped one of the participants to ‘get his will through’, afterwards, I could see that, this was not necessarily the BEST way – and I could see, that it was not BEST for everyone to be just and fair.

And this is the point I want to get at: Fairness and Justice, even though they might seem to be ideals to strive towards, they are also one sided, impractical and by using these ideals to make decisions, we only take into account a few points out of the many, many dimensions that exist in physical reality, which must considered if we want to make good and effective decisions. And in-fact, even if I want to claim that I am impartially fair and just, at the core, there is a judgment, there is a reaction, there is a pattern that I have not yet dealt with that I require to look at.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify me becoming emotional and judgmental with thinking that I am being fair and just, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I am emotional, and focused on what I feel is fair and just, then I am missing common sense, and I am not seeing the moment for what it is, I am not seeing ALL the parameters and dimensions of the point, and hence I am limiting myself from moving forward and bringing through and creating the BEST possible solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being emotional is never a strength, even though I might claim that I am being just and fair, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not keep my cool, keep my stability, regardless of how unjust or unfair I feel that a situation is, and regardless of how much I want to go into and deal with the situation through becoming emotional, because emotions never help, they cloud my clarity, and at the end of the day, I create more problems for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empowered and strong when I access emotions, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access emotions because I believe that it is right to do so, because I believe that the situation needs it, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘force it’ – to try to scream, yell, and force myself to get power and control over a situation – instead of remaining with and as breath – remaining with and as stability – from which I can see the situation with clarity – from where I can make decisions that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that real strength, real power, real justice, and real fairness is to remain stable – and then to act according to what is best for all – taking into account ALL the points that are here – and when I stand with and as stability – I have the power and ability to consider ALL points – because then I am not limited and secluded into an emotional context where I am prejudiced and bound to move a certain direction because it is what I believe and feel to be right – however not necessarily what is the BEST

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself judging, taking sides, or becoming emotional, when I am participating in a discussion, part of a conflict, or seeing others in a conflict, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I can only see with clarity, and can only establish and see ahead, what is common sense, and what is best for all, when I am stable, when I am grounded, when I am impartial, when I stand here able to view all vantage points – and hence I commit myself to stand impartial – to stand stable – to stand within and as my human physical body and see both parties – see EVERYONE involved without judgment or emotions – and thus I commit myself to push myself to select and go for the solution that is BEST for EVERYONE


Learn more about this way of living

Advertisements

Day 428: Changing Competition

I have now been back at work for a couple of weeks, and one point that has opened up, which has not been present during my vacation, is competition. I have noticed that I compete with my colleagues in many respects, and most of the the time I am competing for attention/recognition/praise from a superior.

This week I have actively challenged my tendency of becoming fearful/anxious/judgmental when I receive criticism by my superiors at work. Usually, I would react in fear, stress or anxiety, and then go into a judgment, and then try to improve that particular aspect of my work so as to not repeat the same mistake again. The way I have challenged this behavior is to, instead of looking at how to change/improve my professional skills to avoid criticism, I look at and push myself to find the core problem and issue within me that is responsible for me making that mistake in the first place.

An example would be how I made a mistake when writing a report at work. My superior came into my room and showed me that I had missed some information. I wanted to go into anxiety and self-judgment, however I stopped myself and instead decided to look at the core issue. What I found was that, at times, I will have this fine feeling/experience that I have missed something, that something is ‘off’, something is not as it should be. The mistake I have done in those moments is that I have brushed that feeling over by saying to myself: ‘No, no, I have done the necessary work, let’s just get done with this now’. Hence, in-fact forcing myself to move forward, when there is a part of me signalling that I am not completely finished. Hence, I made the commitment to start practicing listening to this fine part of myself that comes through at times, to take it seriously, and put more effort and time into investigating and proof-reading, when I ‘suspect’ that something is not as it should be.

What I could also see, as a core problem, was that I at times, too fast throw myself at a conclusion, because I want to get done with it, and because of that, I make unnecessary mistakes, when I could have avoided that mistake through a bit more of research, consideration and deliberation – in essence – CALMING myself down and daring to MOVE and DIRECT myself as SLOW as is needed. There is no meaning or sense in rushing something. However, it takes a commitment, it takes breathing, it takes being steady and stable, to move slowly and comfortably, to dare to use my time and invest it into the various projects in my life, and not haste, believing that I will be able to ‘do more’ if I haste.

Thus, instead of competing, I bring it back to myself. Instead of trying to beat others, I place my focus on challenging myself, and ‘beating’ myself – doing better than what I did in the past – and pushing myself to continuously create myself, and move forward, regardless of what it is that I am doing – there is always room for expansion and momentum. And instead of trying to achieve respect and attention from a superior – I make sure that I give these things to myself – earning my own respect through the way I live – and giving myself attention through literally – paying attention to myself and what I am going through.

 


Learn more about this way of living

Day 421: Being Able To Work With Everyone

Today I listened to a really good Eqafe interview called Leadership: Being Able to Work With Everyone – Quantum Mind Self Awareness. The point of working together with other people in projects was discussed, and one thing in particular resonated with me; we do not have to like the people we work with, or decide to coordinate a project together with.

I found this supportive, because I have had a tendency to make relationships, particularly in the work environment, personal, in the sense that I believe that the relationships must be personal for the work and communication to flow effectively. However, interestingly enough, at work this has proven to not be the case many, many times. In-fact, some of the people that I work the best with, is actually people that I do not get along with on a personal basis. And that is because – in work – there are not the same requirements, the same relationships, the same movement, needed as is the case in personal relationships – and believing that this is the case – that is making a mistake.

And this the case in a variety of relationships – I cannot use one and the same mold for all the various contexts that is part of my life – in order to be able to direct myself and live with common sense – what is required is that I practice seeing the purpose and starting point – the reason – why am I here? What is the point? When it comes to work, the reason and purpose is to handle the responsibilities according to the purpose and reason of that particular position in the system – and the success and failure of such a movement is not determined according to how personally satisfying and enjoyable the relationships are.

In-fact, this tendency of ours to believe that we need some form of ‘connection’ and ‘intimate experience’ towards a point in order for us to engage with it and be effective within it, is a pattern that I have seen in many, and that I myself allowed to control and direct many of the decision I made throughout my teenage years and early twenties. Not necessarily in relation to people, though the more in relation to hobbies, school work, and career choices – because my idea was that it had to be ‘fun’ – I had to have a ‘feel’ for it to actually move. I have learned now that is not needed – I do not need to feel – all I need to do is to move myself and then be consistent – the physical will sort out the rest.

Thus – conclusion: How I feel is not really relevant – because efficient relationships are dependent upon so many other points – and these can only be assessed in the PHYSICAL – because that is where we see the reality of ourselves and our lives. We might kick-ass at a job that we do not necessarily like, and oppositely, we might really suck at a job that we firmly and wholly love. To make sustainable decision in this world – what must take primary focus is what works IN THE PHYSICAL – not how we feel about things – and that is the skill of not taking things personally – not making things personal – but remaining objective.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have a positive feeling and experience towards what I do, towards my work, towards my colleagues, for me to participate within the point and direct it effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what is important is the physical – and whether I am compatible with the physical or not – that is the point of importance – not how I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be friends with my colleagues for me to work effectively – that we must have a personal and intimate relationship for us to move and work effectively together – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not the case – that a work-relationship does not have the same requirements as a personal relationship – and that it is up to me to define the starting point of the relationship which in turn will define the outcome of the relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become depressed and sad when I do not feel a positive and energetic experience towards work – and hence believe that there is something wrong – there is something that is off – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact making a thing out of me not feeling anything – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am in-fact not supposed to feel anything – that work is and should simply be work – and that I do have the opportunity to push myself to live words and expand myself at work both within the various tasks of my work – and also within the relationships I have with people at work

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself interpreting, creating ideas, or preparing to make decisions within a relationship in my world with people, such as colleagues, or in relation to work, or with personal relationships, because I do not feel as I usually feel, or believe I must feel, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this idea that I have to feel something in order to move – it is not real – because what matters and counts in the physical – is physical feedback – is physical effectiveness – is physical compatibility – physical context – and hence I commit myself to make decisions according to what makes sense and what is best in the PHYSICAL – and not according to how I feel about a point or believe that I should feel – because such a starting point does not create the best decisions


Learn more about this way of living

Day 406: How To Make The Most Out of Weekday Evenings?

Yesterday when I got home from work I was tired and a bit moody – and this resulted in some unwanted developments in the domestic realm. Hence – in this blog I want to break down for myself who I want to be when I get home, and what I can do to support myself while at work and when I get home to remain stable. Because one thing I find to be clear, how I react and experience myself when I get home after work, usually have nothing to do with what happens at home – rather it has to do with energies and experiences that I have went through at work that I have not yet sorted out effectively.

So, what can I do when I get home to support myself to remain stable and to act in common sense, especially when it comes to assisting and supporting my spouse in household chores? One thing that I am able to see, is that my physical experience many times has a thin veneer of tiredness, meaning that, on the surface, I experience myself as tired, and as wanting to rest, while on a deeper level in my body, I still feel very much refreshed and ready to move myself when I get home. And – lest not forget – it is important for me to step in and assist and support with household chores even though I have been at work – because when a baby comes into the picture – many things changes – and both partners will have to step up their acts in order to continue to have a functional household.

With this I want to say that there is a POTENTIAL for me to break through that surfaced tiredness and access the physical energy still here and latent in my body – and that it is within my responsibilities as a husband and father to make that push when I got home – so that I can contribute in the household and interact with my daughter in a supportive way. Obviously – even though I feel tired from a day at work – it is when I get home to my family that I do have the opportunity to develop, deepen and strengthen the most intimate and close relationships that I have in my life – and if I accept and allow myself to feel tired/used/exhausted – I will miss those opportunities.

So – what can I do to push through my tiredness? The one simple action that I see I must take is to MOVE myself – because usually when I MOVE myself – I will be able to bring myself through that veneer of tiredness and back into my physical body – where there is still a lot of energy left to be used. Hence – this experience of tiredness is rather more of a habit than an actual physical condition. Thus taking action and moving myself – participating in taking care of the household and my kid – that is a solution – a way that I am able to push myself to walk through this limitation that I have created for myself.

Then – another important point – what can I do when I am at work, and when I am working to assist and support myself to remain stable, to be physically rested and stable when I get home? Here – what I have noticed is that when I move SLOW at work – when I take time for breaks – going out for a walk – talking with some colleagues – eating a couple of sandwiches when I get hungry in the afternoon – then I will function much better – and with this approach I am able to preserve my energy/stability throughout the day. And it is similar to fast and slow carbohydrates – with fast carbohydrates all energy is expended speedily and intensely resulting in a hasty movement – while slow carbohydrates nourishes the body with a steady and slow stream of energy that can be utilized for a longer period of time. While working, if I work intensely, focused and speedily for many hours in a row, without a break, without listening to my body, I will expend myself faster. Hence – to support and prepare myself to get home in the evening – I will SLOW down at work and practice listening to and caring for my physical body throughout my day.

Lastly – who do I want to be when I get home from work? Who do I want to be, what is the example that I want to live in front of my child? I want to live STABILITY and COMMON SENSE – and stand within and as the insight/understanding that physical energy is not something that disappears only because I go to work – and that it is about WHO I AM within what I do – not necessarily about WHAT I DO that makes all the difference. Thus – while at home – I want to contribute to the household chores, assist and support my daughter and develop my relationship with her through active participation – and thus – not accept and allow any surfaced tiredness to throw me off balance and into a state of ‘trying to recover’ for the bigger part of my evening when I get home from work.

Hence – the word that I see I can live to support myself when I get home from work is MOVE. It does not have to be more complicated than that.


Learn more about this way of living

Day 403: Why Wait?

For some time I have been dealing with an inner experience of depression/negativity/sadness when it comes to work, in the sense that I have experienced much resistance towards working, and felt is I am being limited in the routine/repetitiveness that is part of my job. To assist and support myself through this point I have been applying self-forgiveness, mostly in the car while on my way to work, and today I made a breakthrough in that I had a realization as to the nature and purpose of depression and how it limits me from creating my life.

See – I have realized that depression is in a way a secret/undercover method of giving up upon on myself and moving myself. Because the interesting thing about depression is that it feels like it is too late. However, the truth of the situation is that I am still alive, still breathing, still able to move, make decisions, utilize opportunities, and push myself to move forward. Thus – the purpose and function of depression is to make it seem as if is to late – which then serves as a easy way out to not have to go through the challenges, the ups and downs, and the difficulties of actual change.

When I saw this, I at the same time saw the solution – which is to simply give to myself HERE that which I perceive is too far away, that which I perceive is too late for me to decide upon and live. For example, in my case, one of the points I have felt and experienced myself as being too late to take on is the point of engaging more with people, getting to know them, talking with them, and pushing myself to over-all, be more social in my life. Thus the solution is to immediately take the point on. Why wait? There is no reason to wait until a ‘good opportunity’ comes by – no – rather I can push being social through engaging in the discussion on Facebook that I see, or talking and pushing myself to open up with the first colleague I meet in the kitchen in the morning.

The biggest illusion I have ever created for myself is that change will be here tomorrow. That is not so – real change will only ever be realized HERE – hence – if I am depressed because there are expressions that I am not living – then those expressions must be brought HERE – created HERE – realized HERE – in this moment – in this breath.


Learn more about this way of living

Day 399: Office Relationships

Relationships at work and earlier, at school, have most of the times been a tricky business for me. On the one hand I have clearly seen that the relationships have been superficial, that I have been put together with these individuals involuntarily, and that it is hence less than likely that I would be able to connect and develop a deep and substantial relationship. On the other hand, I have also seen that it is up to me what I make out of the relationship, and I have as well desired to be likable, popular, and have ‘many friends’. The problem with the latter is that in order to have ‘many friends’ – I am required to be a social chameleon and literally change myself depending on who I am interacting with in order to assure a positive response from the other person.

At this stage, I find neither of these approaches very satisfying, because I do want to get to know my colleagues, understand them, learn from them, and utilize my time at work to live and stand as an example – and hence if possible assist and support my colleagues to make a change within their lives for the better. However, I also want to be stable and grounded and not become obsessed about maintaining and worrying about how others see me, whether I am receiving the right remarks or not. In other words, I want to be the maker of my relationships, I want to establish the principles from which I approach office relationships, and I want to make the best out of it and not lose my integrity or sense of self in the process.

One point that I have applied that works very well for me, especially in moments where I feel that the relationships at work are not offering the desired depth and substance, is that I look at the words my colleagues are embodying that I in turn could take on and live in my life. This application is interesting, because in slowing down and really looking at the expression of my colleagues, the words they are sharing does not matter as much, rather it is their entire expression, how they come through in their entirety, that becomes important. And in this I have been able to see how I am able to live new words in my life. For example, one of my colleagues is very much light-hearted yet still intense and focused. She carries herself with ease, yet is very much focused and intensely invested in whatever she is participating within. Another one of my colleagues is serious, deep, principled and courageous; she stands by a few principles and ideas and does not hesitate to voice herself. Yet another one is fearless and unworried as to what others thinks of her – she does not allow hierarchies and what is ‘right and wrong’ stand in her way of creating what she see’s would be best for herself.

Hence – I can learn a lot from my colleagues, that is for certain. However, it is also important to remember the primary reason as to why I am at the office – which is to be a part of the organization and participate in moving the organization to fulfill its intended purpose/responsibility in the world system. As with any company and organization, there are many, many people dependent on my daily effort and the effectiveness of the organization as a whole – which is why it is integral to make sure that office relationships does not take the upper hand – but that I remain focused on my primary responsibilities – my primary purpose – and where I MATTER the most to myself, others and the organization as a whole.

In the Eqafe interview Behind the Scenes of Office Politics – Life Review – it is suggested to align office relationships according the following principles (I have made some additions based on my own experience in applying the suggestions in the interview):

  • Investigate and research how your position in the organization interrelates to those of your colleagues – and then make sure that what takes priority is tending to and directing your responsibilities in the organization. Then systematically align your relationships in the organization according to what is of primary importance and keep the bigger picture in mind – where it is about the having the organization move and fulfill its purpose.
  • Always keep a clean slate with your colleagues – push to be the best that you can be; do not accept and allow gossip and reactive behavior from yourself regardless of how others are against you. Remember that what others say or do defines who they are – not you.
  • Do not develop personal relationships with people that accept and allow gossiping or other forms of nasty or destructive behavior – keep it systematic instead. Make the decision to align with people that you see care about their work, that care about doing the best that they can do, that care about expanding themselves – and that want to improve themselves and their future career prospects. Utilize such relationships to empower yourself and the other – to learn more – to give more – to mutually expand – to mutually become better – and to in the end – improve and empower the organization as a whole.
  • Learn from ALL of your colleagues. If you react, be grateful, and bring that reaction back to self, investigate it, find the origin and correct the point. See, realize and understand that ALL colleagues have something to offer in terms of showing you an expression/application/skill that you are able to copy and apply in your own life to empower yourself. Hence – even though you systematize relationships – be open to learn from and see who and how others are within themselves.

For anyone struggling with office relationships, or that are interested in improving them, and acquiring some sound principles as to how to approach and direct them, I also suggest the following interview:

Building Business Relationships – The Soul of Money


Learn more about this way of living

Day 397: Why Matter Matters

I matter – what does that mean? What does it mean for me to matter to myself? How can I matter in my daily living, in the simple things, in the regular, everyday stuff? These are questions that have opened up for me recently as I have begun to investigate the word MATTER.

The word MATTER is interesting – it is both a noun and a verb; MATTER as a noun is the physical – an earthly manifestation that is HERE – MATTER as a verb – as I MATTER is me making the decision to matter – to live in a way where things have meaning, purpose, depth and importance. Living matter is about making the small moments count. When I wake up in the morning – it is about waking up in a way that honors me as MATTER – where I make sure to for example – not oversleep – not accept and allow myself to be lethargic and depressed as I head to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for myself, not linger in emotional or feeling experiences but rather – immediately push myself to establish a solution.

Something that matters is by its very definition important and valuable – it is an integral part – a point that cannot be sidestepped or pushed to the side – because then the entirety will not be as efficient and great as it could have been. When I decide that I will live MATTER and bring this word through in all areas of my life – what happens is that actions/events that I would normally have viewed as a waste of time, unnecessary, unimportant, insignificant, becomes important and significant – becomes building blocks of self – because the reality of the situation is, that in building my character – ALL MOMENTS are equally important – ALL moments MATTER – because I am here in the PHYSICAL – and a integral part in all of them.

Hence – there are different ways/methods in which things can be approached – and here I am talking about the daily things such as waking up, preparing breakfast, taking a shower in the morning, driving for work, being at work and participating in the various tasks associated with that – that is to say – DAILY MENIAL TASKS. Those daily tasks can either be approached as a mundane, trite and monotonous events that I simply have to get through – or get done as soon as I am able to so that I can have time left over to just relax – OR – they can be approached as important building blocks of my life and by implication ME – that I can participate within FULLY and WHOLLY – and through that LEARN/EXPAND/EMPOWER myself and OTHERS – as I push myself to live in such a way that ALL of my life MATTERS.

The biggest challenge towards changing my approach and making life MATTER in all its aspects is the emotional experience of blasé/complacency – feeling bored with repetition – and hence not making the decision to live to my utmost but simply live in a way that I have always done because – hey – it gets the work done. Its easy to justify feeling bored about life – it is easy to justify feeling that life is hard, dull, without excitement or fulfillment – because everything is just about work and survival – it is very easy – THOUGH – that does not make it true, neither does it make it acceptable. Because – look – as children we were able to make even the smallest, tiniest and most minute parts of our day MATTER – and it was not because everything was new to us back then – it was because of HOW we approached it; children approach things with PRESENCE and they interact with their reality HERE – and when you live in such a way – LIFE opens up in a completely different way – because now processes of expansion/learning/movement starts to naturally flow and come forth even in the most quotidian of tasks.

Making things MATTER is a matter of PRINCIPLE and DECISION – things will not matter unless we decide that they do – our breakfast, how we prepare our food, what we eat, and how we eat will not be important unless we decide that it is. Caring for and tending to our ourselves, relationships, animals, properties, work will not be important unless we decide that it is. Hence – living matter is to make the decision to value and treat what is here with respect and consideration – it is to understand that in each moment we are interacting with matter – and that matters – and if we embrace and make that consideration and respect a part of ourselves – our reward will be a fulfilling life with purpose and depth – words that so many of us feel that we are currently lacking.

 


Learn more about this way of living