Tag Archives: working

Day 453: Dealing With Money

Money, it is a fascinating thing. Not only because it controls so many aspects of our lives, but also because it is a great reflection of ourselves. I have recently faced a couple of situations where I have come face to face with how I value myself, and how this comes through in my relationship with money.

There has been two contexts within which I have faced this point. The first context has to do with daring to ask for money for work that I have done, and the second has to do with daring to ask for a certain quality to be delivered, when I purchase a service or goods.

In the instances when I have been the ‘giver’ – I have been fearful of asking for money. I have also had a tendency to want to devalue myself and the services I offer. I have found that I feel better about myself when I charge less, compared to when I charge a lot. To me, on a deeper level, that reflects a lack of self-confidence and a lack of self-value – where I literally cannot see my own value and thus I do not want to claim more money than I perceive myself to be worth.

Recently I experienced this when I negotiated my salary, or rather, did not negotiate my salary. Instead I accepted my salary. I was satisfied with it, however, it was calculated according to a index that I did not entirely understand. Thus, when it came to actually receiving the salary, I was fearful and anxious about opening up and discussing this point with my boss. Though why would I be? I am not working for free, that is obvious for everyone involved. Still, I want to project a fake image of me not ‘caring’ about the money. Such a way of handling money is most definitely self-compromising – and leads to difficulties. The correction I see here is to dare to be honest and open about the point, discuss it, walk through the conflict and find a solution.

Then the second context, when I am the receiver, it has to do with me fearing to speak up and voice myself when I notice that I receive less value than what I have bargained for. An example of this from my life as of recent is the house I built together with my partner. Parts of the house, I am dissatisfied with, however, when it was built, I feared sharing this with the carpenter – because I did not want to cause a fight. I was fearful about making it all about the money, and being perceived as greedy.

Though, a fact of this reality is that, most things are about the money. Everything has a price. And either, we stand as directive in relation to money, or we just accept and allow shit to happen. Caring for money is not the same as being greedy, rather, it makes sense. In a reality, in a world, where everything is about money, learning to deal with money will make life a lot easier. And if I had stood up and directed my dissatisfaction and opened up a line of discussion with the carpenter, many parts of the house would have been more effective. Thus, I spared myself from the momentary discomfort of having a conflict, though I caused myself a long-term hassle, because now I live in a house, day-out and day-in – which I am not entirely satisfied with.

Money, it is funny – why do we make it such a big deal? Where I live, it is seen as dirty to have a lot of money. We do not talk about money, and many live simple lives, even though they might be really rich. However, only because we try to portray ourselves as humble and simple when it comes to money, I would say, that in the core, we are just as greedy and hungry for more, as everyone else. However, we are able to suppress it. Unfortunately, that causes us to be inefficient in dealing with money, because we push away conflicts and disagreements – and hope that everything will sort itself out for the best without our involvement. That SELDOM happens.

And that is something I have come to see recently – that being passive and hoping for things to pan out nicely – it does not work. If I see a direction that is best, it is my responsibility to push through and make that direction a reality. In the past, and especially when it has come to money, I have held myself back from doing that, and later on, I have had to live with the consequences. It might be, that because I am quite easy to satisfy, I have been able to live with the consequences. Though now, I do see how much better things could have been if I had learned and pushed through to direct the conflicts when they emerged. Especially when it comes to money.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with money, and to perceive money as something dirty that I want to disassociate myself from, thinking that money is bad and wrong – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I also desire/want/feel that I need money in my life – and hence I am creating a conflict within me, where I on the one hand fear money, and on the other hand I desire money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with and working with money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as a evil that I do not want to really concern myself with – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that with this approach, I am suppressing and shutting out a point in my life, money, which is a really important part of life, hence actually compromising myself – because I am disabling myself from directing/dealing with a important point/part in life – money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize my desire for money, and thus instead of suppressing and trying to deal with this desire by using morality, that I instead focus on understanding my desire, focus on where this desire comes from, and how I can enable myself to change this desire into a common sense relationship with money where it is not about desire or fear – but where it is about using money in a common sense way that is best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become crazed with desire/want when I receive more money than what I normally have, and want/desire to buy everything that I can put my hands on – and within this use morality/fear to suppress this desire and return to status quo – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead understand my desires, to understand my fears, to learn where they are coming from, so that I can learn to direct myself and stand stable, and use my money with common sense, instead of using my money within and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking about money, to fear asking for money for services that I provide and to fear demanding quality for services and goods that I buy – to fear having money as a topic that I bring up and discuss with others as a important part in my decision making process when it comes to making decisions and directing myself in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the topic of money through pretending that everything is fine and okay – and through being ashamed and fearful when it comes to discussing and talking about money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for example haggling when I purchase things – to fear demanding a higher price when selling something – to fear being completely open and at ease with dealing with and discussing money with others and as such empowering myself in this part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about money, and desire money at the same time, and thus put myself in a limbo, where I am in a constant thought-process/movement in relation to money – instead of effectively dealing with/using the money I have, or learning to do so, in stability and with common sense – where I do not worry not having money, and neither do I desire having money, but where my relationship with money is instead clear, specific and stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require fear to be effective with money, and that it is supportive to be shy and nervous around money, because apparently, it protects me from poverty, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that pretending as if money does not exist is not a solution and it will not mean that all my money problems suddenly, from one day to the other, will disappear – rather – a more effective solution would be to learn to use and direct money effectively without emotions clouding my vision and ability to act and deal money effectively

Self-commitment statements

When and as I notice myself going into fear with regards to dealing with, being direct with money, and I want to hide away, and suppress myself, I immediately take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that becoming shy and fearful about speaking about money does not support me to effectively direct my money situation, rather it makes me less effective, where I hide and hope that things will go away by themselves, instead of taking the bull by its horns and speaking it as it is – and thus I commit myself to practice being direct and open when it comes to money – to discuss the issues and do it here and not try to project and show off a facade that is not even real to begin with


 

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Day 352: Self-Forgiveness On Fears In Relation To Superiors

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and anxiety towards people that are superior to me in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards, and define having more money, and a higher position in the system as being more valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value on having a high position in the system and believe that people that have a high position in the system are better than people that do not have a high position in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that earn a lot of money are better and more valuable than people that do not earn a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a promotion means that you increase in value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a raise means that you increase in value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a job, and having a job, means that you are valuable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that getting a job, and having a job, and working, means that you are needed, important, and have value, and a place in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being liked by people that have a lot of money and a high position in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being appreciated by people that have a lot of money and a high position in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged and defined as having no value by people in the system with a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, that without money, and without a high position in the system, I am nothing, and a nobody

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up, to fear living, to fear expressing myself, to fear trusting myself, thinking that, in order to do that, I require to have a lot of money, I require to be someone in the system, I require to have a high position – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the system to grant me a high position, to grant me self-trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be given self-trust by people outside of me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that self-trust cannot be given, it is something that I must create, build, and bring through as myself, through how I live, how I participate, how I interact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for self-trust to come to me, through being granted influence and power by the system, instead of me giving myself, self-trust, through me deciding who I am in every moment of breath, through me pushing and willing myself to create myself, and thus, not wait, not postpone, not hope and wish that the system is going to grant me the position that I want, but that I give myself that position within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on the system to give me the courage to stand up and live my utmost potential – instead of me standing up within myself – and pushing myself to live and create myself as my utmost potential – pushing myself to trust myself and to live my life within and as self-trust and understanding – that nothing in this world will be able to give that to me – I must give it to myself

When and as I see myself going into fear towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of inferiority, a state of disbelief, and a state of waiting for the system to lift me up before I do, and thus I commit myself to straighten my shoulders, look up, use breath to stabilize me physically here, and live words such as confidence, trust, and self-reliance, to push myself to express myself naturally in the moment

When and as I see myself shrinking, and trembling in fear, as a superior walk by me, or talk with me, I stop, I take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to change my relationship with my world, with my life and the people in it, and that I am able to change myself, my life, and my relationship with people through living words, and thus I commit myself to in that moment embrace my EQUALITY with my superiors, to embrace my ONENESS, to embrace that I am here as a physical being, and thus of equal worth and value

Day 321: My Alternate Realities

Holding on to points, this is a tendency that has opened up within me during the last week. I have encountered this when it comes to second guessing decisions I have made, where I want to hold unto the potential direction that I did not choose, and when it comes to holding unto experiences – and in particular desires/wants/urges – when these experiences come up – it is hard for me to let go.

Why is it that I do not want to let go?

From what I can see, it has to do with the idea that if I let go, I will miss out and loose something that would have made my life a lot more entertaining and effective. For example with the decisions I have made with my career, I still hold unto, and do not entirely want to embrace the direction I have chosen, because, what if, that other direction that I did not pick was the better one? And then when it comes to desires/wants/urges – it is the same thing – because usually I will have made a decision and picked a certain path to fulfill a certain desire/preference – and then the fear comes up; what if that other direction was better?

Hence, why I want to hold unto things is because I fear missing out, I fear making a mistake, I fear doing the wrong thing, I fear not being able to experience my desires/dreams the way I hoped – and hence I create a way to hold unto that potential within me. Obviously, this does not work, because in physical reality, I have already made the decision, and in-fact, I am only compromising myself and my future by holding unto a alternate reality, because how can I give myself completely to my life if I am divided within myself? A house divided will not stand.

The solution is to embrace my life as it is here – the decisions I have made – to walk them fully and see where they might take me – to not accept and allow myself to live in alternate realities – but to live in this ONE reality HERE – and make the most out of it. To live the COURAGE of letting go of any alternate reality – to remain in ONE reality and make the most of what is in-fact HERE – for REAL. Because, is there anything that I can possibly gain by holding unto a imaginary alternate reality in my mind? No, nothing, as that alternate reality is not even real, and many times, not a possibility either, as I have already committed myself to the decision I have made to such an extant that it would be ridiculous to go back on it. I see that I must EMBRACE reality as it is HERE – and work with it – and make THAT the priority – WORKING with what is ALREADY here.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and nurture alternate realities, prospects, hopes, and unfulfilled desires, that I want to be realized in these alternate realities, and thus hold unto emotional patterns, as I fear letting them go, as letting them go, would equally mean that I let go of my alternate reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that life is not created neither lived in an alternate reality, because in-fact, there is no such thing as an alternate reality, it only exists in my mind, and hence, I want to hold unto, and live for and as my mind, for the idea of a reality that exists in my mind, instead of sticking with what is REAL here, and developing myself, my life, my physical, practical living, on a day-to-day basis, to as such construct, and create something of real value, and not merely something that exists in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my emotional reactions, because I fear letting go of my alternate reality, and hence I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not make an absolute decision, in terms of making the decision completely, fully, without looking back, making my direction and clear and then moving myself, and hence not stopping up in mid-air, to look back, and see whether it might have been better to remain behind, because fact is that I am now mid-air, I have jumped, now the process and what is relevant is to direct myself HERE – and if I do not do that – I will create consequences for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I have difficulty letting go of an emotion, most of the times, it is because I am protecting and defending an alternate reality, a hope, a desire, an urge of wanting my life to be formed and shaped in accordance with my alternate dream reality, and hence I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not will myself to let go of the point – and implement the direction of LIVING and CREATING – and BUILDING myself and my life HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in my alternate realities, in how I want things to be, instead of living and participating HERE with how things REALLY are, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remember that what goes on in my mind – in my alternate dream realities – that will not ever come real – it is a imagination, a accumulation of various believes and ideas, integrated into a false story existing in my mind, that will not ever exist, because it is not of and as physical matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace REALITY – and realize that the solution to my tendency of living in alternate dream realities, is to investing myself fully into this reality – into this life – giving LIFE my everything – and hence not accepting and allowing myself to vest my attention, focus and effort into a false reality existing only as pictures and images in my mind

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to invest myself in this physical reality – to give attention, focus and effort into living and creating myself HERE – to understand that I can only create my life here when and as I am here – and I am not split in my mind between various imaginary realities

I commit myself to embrace my life as it is HERE and make the best out of it – to give myself fully – through being HERE in each and every breath – and walking in every moment with and as breath – with and as my physical body

I commit myself to create in the physical – and stop myself when I notice myself going into my alternate realities of the mind – and to instead bring myself back here – and focus myself on creating and living HERE

Day 291: Self-forgiveness on Stress and Work Related Fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become worked up by my office environment – to work myself up into a state of ‘working frenzy’ where I drive myself forward utilizing fear and anxiety – and where I create this state of adrenaline in my body – where I am on a high and I cannot come down to earth – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not come down to earth – down to my physical body – down back here to what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become taken for a ride when I am at work in the stress and fear energy that I feel resides in the work environment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist in a state of stress and pressure where I feel constantly pushed to move myself in a state of stress and fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself into this state of anxiety and stress – where I am not grounded – and I do not work and apply myself from a grounded starting point but instead exist in my mind in a state of adrenaline and stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pump myself up into a state of adrenaline when I go to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pump myself up into a state of survival when and as I go to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pump myself up into a state of adrenaline and anxiety and stress when I am working – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate working with stress and anxiety – to associate coming to work and applying myself in work with stress and anxiety – and feel that I am competing with others about being the best that I can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself into working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate working with stress – and associate waking up on a weekday with stress – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I cannot stop, change and direct this experience within me of being stressful and tense when it comes to working

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to in real time moments change my way of working – from stress – to instead working here in the physical – being effective and moving myself in breath – one moment at a time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself in real time moments to change myself – re-directing my stress and living instead self-directed, effective, movement – taking a breath – and standing effective efficacious here – taking the role of my own directive principle – and thus stating within me that stress and fear is no longer needed cause I take responsibility for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense up when I am working – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not continuously remind myself that I am more effective when I work in breath – when I work with the physical – when I work and apply myself here and do not accept and allow myself to stress myself in my work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense when I am interacting at my work – and be fearful of my colleagues – and fearful that they think I am not working hard enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful that my boss thinks that I am not working hard enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful that my boss thinks that I am a bad worker and that I produce bad results

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for my own survival – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drive myself forward in a state of fear and anxiety – believing that this will assure my survival and make certain that I am not going to lose myself in life in a state of poverty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use stress and fear to impress on my colleagues – and use stress, fear and adrenaline to push myself forward in work – believing that I cannot walk/push myself in work without such chemicals in my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to have chemicals in my body to push myself to do anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to feel a drive to be driven – that I need to feel motivated to be motivated – that I need to feel an urge to move – to move – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as these words by my own decision and choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am charging, and creating this state of adrenaline throughout my day, through participating and moving myself from within and as a stress and fear energy, moving myself from within and as a state of anxiety, instead of moving myself from within and as a physical decision here to work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my co-workers, and blame my co-workers for me experiencing and moving myself within and as a state of stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my co-workers for me feeling stressed, thinking that is their making, and if they would relax more, then I would too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must make the decision to stand, the decision to not move myself from this stress energy, the decision to not become influenced, and go into that state of fear that is permeating any form of office

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of stress and fear in believing that I will not be as effective in my work if I do not participate in stress and fear

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself work without stress and fear driving me – and I commit myself to replace my drive with a the desire to expand, improve and become more efficient at what I am doing

I commit myself to remind myself that I am more effective when I do not stress and fear

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to be captivated and entranced by the ‘feel’ at work of stress and anxiety

I commit myself to make a stand within myself and in that decide that I am going to walk my day at the office within and as groundedness and stability – and that I am not going to participate within and as stress

When and as I see myself becoming stress, or building up a charge of adrenaline, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am creating this state through thinking, through participating in the experiences coming up, and that require to in that moment in a direct manner, push through that possession and ground myself back into my physical body – and thus I commit myself to push and will myself through that experience – to be intense in that pushing through – and reground and earth myself here – and apply/work/participate from within and as that state of being grounded – here