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Day 376: Stopping The Roller Coaster At Work

I can understand why there are many that dislikes working. During those eight hours, or more, you are basically forced to do things, move, participate, act, and the primary motivation is survival. Further, at work we have to deal with forced relationships. These are relationships we have not chosen, but that come together with the work. The things mentioned are usually a recipe for inner conflict, dissatisfaction, discomfort, and many other emotional experiences; similar to Job – at the job – most of us have to face some tough shit. Though, during my process of self-purification, I have come to see that work, is really a perfect place for SELF-EXPANSION and SELF-MOVEMENT; because it offers a smorgasbord of various experiences, reactions, misaligned relationships, ripe for changing, for anyone interested in expanding and moving themselves beyond their pre-programmed self.

Hence today, I will revisit one of my more deeply ingrained patterns, that keep recurring, and you guessed right, at work. And it has to do with my relationship with superiors. A couple of weeks ago I was assigned to do a project together with a couple of my colleagues. I felt honored and proud to be selected to work with this project, because it was particularly difficult, and required a specific expertise. For some moments, a couple of days, I was in high spirits. Then, disaster struck, at one point in the project, I was not able to execute the needed actions as well as I felt was needed. I became worried and afraid that my superior would react, and went into a state of self-judgment/fear/anxiety. Thus, I am able to see that in relation to work, and in relation to producing results, I am very much driven/motivated by the perceived reactions of my superiors. If I notice that I get positive feedback, I become energetic, positive, happy, and full of drive. If the opposite happens, I become depressed, fearful, and filled with judgment.

This is not a healthy or sustainable way of relating to work. Why? Because work becomes a roller-coaster, ups and downs, highs and lows, because it is not possible for me to only do things ‘right’, to do the things solely in the way my superiors want it. Self-value, self-respect, motivation, determination, must thus be sourced from a different place – these cannot be words the I rely on my superiors to give to me – rather – I must be them myself – and stand unconditionally.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with either feelings of positiveness, when I feel that I have done something that will please my superior, or with emotions of negativity, when I experience that I have done something that will displease or aggravate my superior

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become controlled by fear, and feelings of positiveness, to move myself utilizing these experiences as my motivation, my engine of driving myself forward, instead of sticking with what is practical, easy, what works, and what I can do with the time I have available – and measure my production, my results, not against what my superiors say, but rather against what I myself see for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with fear and desire – to believe, on a deep level within myself, that these are the key experiences that I require to make something out of myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how I have missed, and devalued, the point of expressing, moving, and creating for and as myself – where it is not about fear of feeling, but about self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete when I am at work, to define my successes, or failures, in relation to how I feel that I am competing against others, as to whether I am better than them, or whether I am less than them, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that, I can express, move, and be just as effective, when I utilize self-movement, when I move myself physically, and it is not dependent upon someone say to, or telling me that I am better than, or less than anyone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value in relation to how well my superiors react to me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my expression, my response at work to either fear or feeling, instead of simply seeing that my superiors is about him or her, and that I do not need to define myself according to this response, and that I can find my own principles, my own movement, my own direction within life, where it is not dependent upon what someone else things of me, and how someone else reacts to me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel proud, happy, and content when I am selected to do something difficult, and then perceive that my value is higher, more than, better, than what it was before – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my value is the same, and that it does not physically change me that I was selected for this, and obviously it should not change me mentally either, because I am still the same, I am still moving myself, directing myself, within and as the same sort of considerations, it is still about me here – and my expression – and not about what someone else thinks about me and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that my value is my own to create – that my value is about the value that I give not the perceived value that I receive from my superiors – it is about who I am – what I contribute – that I can see and clarity for myself – that is real value – value that is not defined in the limited contexts of how others react or feel towards me depending on what it is that I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that it is not about what I do – it is about who I am within what I do – thus it does not matter what project I am selected to do – or who I work with – it is about all about who I am

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a positive experience of pride, feeling appreciated, good about myself, powerful, because I perceive a superior of mine as noticed me, and either commended me, or put me to work on something that I perceive as important, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand – how this experience within me does not signify real value, expansion, movement, real worth and progress, it is an experience, something that arise because of a misaligned relationship, and I see that if I participate in it, I will create its opposite polarity; thus I commit myself to breathe – and to remind myself – I do this for and as myself – I determine my own success – my own movement – my own direction – I assess myself and where I am going – and for this – I do not need nor do I require my superiors assessment – I commit myself to take back my own direction through standing with and as myself and being own pillar of support

When and as I see myself going into a negative experience of sadness, self-judgment, self-hate, failure, and falling, because I perceive that a superior of mine as judged me, or disliked what I have done, I immediately stop myself, i take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is not about what my superior experiences – that who I am in relation to what I am doing is something that I determine – is something that I assess – and if I am satisfied with my expression – then I am satisfied – and if I am not – then I am not – and then I will push to improve – however – that has nothing to do with what my superior thinks, feels, or does; thus I commit myself to breathe deeply and release these emotions – and then for myself – look at my expression within what I am doing or have done – and see whether I am content or not – whether there is something I can learn or take with this or not

 


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Day 310: Reinventing The Wheel

Ever heard of the expression ‘There is no need to reinvent the wheel!’. For those that have not, this expression implies that it is completely unnecessary to come up with ‘your own way’ of approaching and directing a specific point if a solution has already been found – thus also implying that there is no value in coming up within things yourself – the value is instead in the solution itself and the practical outflows that comes from applying that solution.

I want to write a blog about this point because it has recently opened up in relation to my job. Basically, this is what happened: I had been given a task to write a piece on a specific topic. I sat down and started to sketch out how I would approach the point, only to realize that, there were some things off with the topic. I began making my own inquiries, and sat for some hours doing research. After a while I was satisfied, and also proud over myself that I had found that answers I was looking for. In my mind I imagined myself receiving some sort of praise or recognition from my superiors.

Later during the day I approached my boss and showed him what I had been working on. To my surprise he said; ‘Oh yes, that kind of problem, we deal with it like this, you can do the same here’ – whereupon he showed me an existing template of how the problem could be directed. I experienced a sense of disappointment, because I had hoped that my efforts would be rewarded with praise and attention, and now, it seemed that all my work had been in vain. This led me to ask myself the following questions: ‘Why did I not ask for someone’s perspective before I started to dig into this work?’ – ‘How can I avoid repeating this mistake in the future?’ – ‘How come it is that I place receiving attention and praise as a priority over practically getting things done in ways already tested and trialed?’.

In looking at this point I realized that the reason as to why I wanted to reinvent the wheel was because it would make me special, unique, and more in the eyes of others – through it I would be able to differentiate myself as more than. Though, the consequence of this was that I put in several hours into something that was not required, because the wheel was already invented, I could just have asked, and then solved the task within a matter of minutes.

Hence, this stands as a fitting example as to why wanting to be special, unique, new and the first is a limitation – because in that we are not working with COMMON SENSE – but trying to realize a dream/feeling/hope. And this feeling of being special, it is not even real, because physical creation is but that – it is a physical practical creation – and who created what or when – that does not matter to physical creation. For example, does it matter to a house or those living in the house, that the carpenter who built that house came up with and applied a new idea? Most likely no. And further, being special limits us from copying and using what is good and effective in the way others live their life’s – because we do not want to be a copycat. Though, what is wrong with being a copy cat when what is copied works and is of benefit to everyone?

Instead of wanting to be special, what should be the primary focus is to be of utmost value to ourselves and others in our life – and to be that it is not required for us to be unique – however we do need effective living techniques and in the process of establish such we can learn a lot from others. Hence, the solution that I see for myself when it comes to my job is to develop communication, openness, and also, completely let go of the desire to be special, and replace it with the desire to be effective/of benefit to myself and others. To instead of striving to be recognized, strive to do the best work that I can do.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be special instead of equal with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be more than others and be recognized as special – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out on myself – where instead of my focus and direction being to create what is best for all – to be of benefit and support to others in my life – my direction becomes about wanting and desiring recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire recognition – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself and my physical reality in order to achieve recognition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice self-recognition – in the sense that I recognize myself as being of value and a asset to others and myself – and push myself to stand as such a force in my life – where the purpose of myself and my future as such is not to become someone in the eyes of others – but instead to become a trustworthy companion that is able to walk this physical reality and give and share what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to invent something unique and out of this world – to want to do something nobody has ever done before so that I can feel special and good about myself in what I am doing – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this desire take the drive within me – and want it to push and drive me through my life – in the belief that I require and need this something – to make a mark in my life – to have done something with my life.

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself doing something because I want to be special – something that is not really practical or necessary and where I am trying to reinvent the wheel – I stop myself – I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in wanting to be special and get recognition I am compromising my effectiveness and my ability to contribute and give to others what is best – and hence I see that there is no practical value in being special – there is no practical value in being unique – and this physical reality does not care about who does what – and hence I commit myself instead practice being of value to myself and others in my world through practical living – where I push myself to take actions that make sense and have results – instead of taking actions in hope of being special.

I commit myself to practice the word simplicity – to embrace simplicity in my life – to embrace simplicity as myself – to see, realize and understand that I do not need to be special in my life – that I do not need to be someone or something to others – that all I need is equality – is to embrace and push me to stand as an equal participant – in that live value – live equality – live contribution – to push myself to be a giving participant that makes a difference through practical – basic – daily actions

Day 288: Who is doing more? Who is doing less?

During my week off I did some physical work on the farm where I live, and I did that together with my brother. It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed the process of using my body to move myself in the physical. In working like this with another I had one experience that was recurring, and it was the experience of a form of discomfort, fear, anxiety coming up within me. This experience originated from thinking about whether I was doing more work than my brother, whether my brother was going to stop working, whether he was slacking, or whether I was slacking. There was a supervisor existent within me that compared, measured and analyzed the various efforts of the involved persons, trying to answer the question whether the work was divided equitably or not.

So, from where does this pattern originate? What I see being the core point is the idea of fairness, and the fear of things being unfair. With siblings fairness is a big deal, and when things are not fair, the same for all siblings, then what tends to happen is that fighting ensues. The problem with fairness as a concept is that it does not take into account the variables of life, and the fact that persons have different needs, wants, preferences, personalities, lifestyles etc. For things to be fair, it must be the exact same for everyone. All must do the same type of labor, put in the same hours, get the same recognition, have the same responsibilities, and so on. However, because life is not the same for everyone and because everyone is not the same, the concept of fairness is bound to clash with reality.

The fear of things not being fair includes a fear of me being fooled/deceived into doing more than others. As with the idea of fairness, this fear is bound to create problems and limitations when coming into contact with reality. For example, in holding unto the fear of doing more than others, what tends to happen is that I do not do what I am able to do, and I do not put into the hours, effort and precision I could have, because, what if I then do more than others? However the fact is that, in order to really stand and be effective in this world, I require being willing to do more than others, and to put in that extra effort even though nobody else is doing it. That is why it is called being an example, because such a point of integrity and drive has not yet been established as the norm.

Life is not fair, which is completely natural, and that is because fairness is a abstract mental concept created within and as energy, and experience, and not through actual consideration of what is here in this world – not through actually considering how this world functions – and not in consideration of what is best for all. That point of consideration, what is best for all, must be the primary point of movement and consideration, and what is best for all does at all go with the concept of fairness.

Hence, a redefinition of the word fairness, where this point is taken into account would be as follows:

Dividing responsibilities, tasks, or resources, in a way that is practical and that makes sense for everyone involved

With this redefinition of fairness, it is not anymore about who is doing more, or who is doing less; it is about, what is practical, and what makes sense. And in living this redefinition, the fear of doing more than another cannot be allowed to exist, because that will again initiate an ineffective way of looking at and handling reality, where it becomes about checks and balances, instead of looking at what is practical and makes sense for everyone involved.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing more than another, and fear that I will be used, and abused, to have to do work that I feel is rather someone else’s responsibility, and that it would be more fair if someone else do it instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with and as the concept of fairness, with meaning that everyone should do the same, and to the same extent – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I cannot accept and allow myself to build my self-movement on wanting things to be fair, as that will only lead to me doing the minimum amount, and then expecting others to do the rest, instead of actively living in such a way that benefits others and that creates outflows that are best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do the same as me, and expect me to do the same as others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to be more flexible, and in this see, realize and understand that life does not follow the concept of fairness, life is not the same for everyone, and hence, attempting and trying to enforce a concept/ideal of fairness unto reality will inevitably cause conflict, and consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid labor and responsibilities, and do the least amount possible, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used if I take on responsibilities and actively move myself to do what I see is practical and best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am asked to do something, to immediately reference my idea/definition of fairness, to see whether I think that it is fair or not, whether I feel that it is equitable or not, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not an effective way of approaching reality, and that it is not an effective way of creating/forming/building a society/life that is best for all – because in doing that I require to see beyond what is fair and equitable and instead look at what is practical/best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in keeping checks and balances, in viewing my life from within and as giving points to every action, or inaction, I am limiting myself, and clouding my view of reality and what is REALLY here – because instead – all of what I see is checks and balances – thoughts and inner conversations of whether I have done more or someone else have done more than me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and push myself to be aware of what is really here – what makes sense and what is practical instead of my inner checks and balances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and in this not consider what is practical and what makes sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things to feel fair and as if everyone is doing the same job and nobody is forced to do more – instead of looking at what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not genuinely care for others, meaning, to in-fact care that others have the best life possible, and are truly able to enjoy themselves, to pursue and live a lifestyle that supports them to reach their utmost potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about myself and my sense of fairness – instead of caring about this physical reality and what is here in the flesh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about whether I feel that I am doing as much as others are – and not care about what is practical and what is best for all involved participants

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only care about my feelings and emotions and not about what is going on here in reality – and thus I see, realize and understand that for a decision to be what is best for all – it must be based on what is physical – what is reality – what is HERE and that cannot be argued or debated

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am looking at my reality from a vantage point of checks and balances, weighing the contribution of everyone, who does more, who does less, etc. I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that in doing that, I am not giving birth to a living that is the most supportive and practical for all involved persons, and to do that, I require be HERE in the physical and look at what is practical and makes sense – and thus I commit myself to let go of my balances, and instead place my attention on what is physically going around in my world and move from that starting point

When and as I see that I am placing my focus on a feeling of fairness or a emotion of unfairness, when it comes to responsibilities, or receiving resources, or similar, then I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that what is best cannot be confined or defined within such limited experiences as fairness and unfairness – and that to see and create what is best – I must let go of self-interest and see reality without bias – see clearly all the various participants and the physical momentum – and thus I commit myself to develop and learn to see and assess my physical from a unbiased vantage point – seeing everything for what it is – and making a decision from that point – hence pushing myself to let go of self-interest and instead do what is best for all

Day 123: Seeking a Career – What Are The Effects?

library-careerI have for some time now been working on the career seeker character, which in essence is the tendency I have of driving myself through life within anxiety and fear – driving myself to attain some form of position in the system in the future. Today I am going to look at what consequences this character creates in the interpersonal and universal – meaning – what is the outflows of this character and how is it mirrored in the world system as it exists currently?

Where is the career seeker character mirrored in this world system?

What do I create through living the career seeker character?

What I am able to see is that the career seeker character creates hierarchy’s – it creates those that are more than and those that less then – and it has the consequence of people attaining positions of influence and importance – and wherein people in these positions then take actions not for the benefit of all but for the sole benefit of themselves.

A cool example is the CEO of a company – a CEO often spends a lifetime of work and tireless effort to finally get to the position at the top of the pyramid – and in this position the CEO is expected to be ruthless and brutal because the sole reason for him being in that position is to make a profit for the corporation and indirectly make money for the shareholders.

The CEO’s are often blamed and taunted – seen as evil men and women acting with conscious and regard; yet how is it that we ourselves on a personal level emulate and live this precise pattern?

We do that through for example living the career character, which in principle is living, acting, breathing and living for our own sake and our own sake alone – where we do not take into account how we affect our world when we without consideration decide to manifest our desires, hopes and wants – we just do it because we want to do it – and in that we conveniently veil ourselves from the consequences and outflows of our actions.

It is visible everywhere – these small daily actions that we take where we disregard the life of another because we want something else, something that is in our interest, something that we are able to feel good about. With me – it is the career seeker character – because through seeking for a career and a top position, without regard, and without consideration, I am effectively isolating myself from the world and from other people – in essence saying: I will do my own thing, and I will get what it is that I want to have – and I will make sure that I get that regardless of the consequences.

It is fascinating – that we tend to believe that our life is our own – and that we are apparently an island isolated from the world system and other human beings – and that our actions and decisions are our own because we have something called a freedom to choose. Yet, is it not obvious that our life is not our own? Because everything we do will have an impact on this world and beings within it, and thus our decisions and actions are not only our own – but they are really something of importance to everyone – as such it is in-fact ego and arrogance to believe that we are free to create our own life’s without consideration for others – and in-fact a form of denial as to the true nature of our physical co-existence – which is interconnected and interdependent – where what I do will ripple through out this world and form a particular consequence that will affect the whole.

Here we are thus able to see the simplicity of world-change – it exists within our daily life’s, in our daily actions, in our daily decisions, in what we accept and allow and what we do not accept and allow – and the career seeker character is one of those points that do not honor life and do not honor a world that is best for all, which means that it is my responsibility to make sure that this character is transformed into a way of life – where the career I seek is not for the benefit of me alone – but for the benefit of all as what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that me participating in the career seeker character have consequences on universal level and that thus – when I am participating in this character – I am in-fact being part of creating a world where people place themselves in positions of influence and importance only for the sake of money – only for the sake of status – and not for the purpose of creating a world that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through participating in the career seeker character, that this is an example that I show unto others, and thus I am responsible for others seeing what I am doing, and deciding to do the same – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for and as the career seeker character and as such make sure that I am in my life not possessed or controlled by this particular character – but that I instead decide upon a career, decide upon how I am to make money in this world, from a starting point of what is practical, and where I see that I am able to make the most difference

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider in my decisions in regards to career – what is best for all of life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions, and consider decisions from a starting point limited to and as wanting to win, wanting to have money, wanting status and position, and wanting to become someone, or something that is considered above others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am within this participating in and creating the hierarchy’s of this world – and that I am through walking my life in a state of wanting to get up – and get status – accepting and allowing hierarchy’s to exist in this world – and accepting and allowing discrepancies and inequality to exist between people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the simplistic common sense – that if I consider and define myself as being more – this means that I consider and define another as being less – and within this I am responsible for creating a system that is based upon competition and inequality – wherein people fuel themselves and their daily movement through wanting to prove themselves, and wanting to win

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when and as I accept and allow competition to be a part of my starting point in regards to make decisions, I am accepting and allowing competition to exist on a universal and global level – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself, and push myself to remove, and walk through this particular construct of competition – in realizing that there is so much more here to consider than competition – and that through accepting and allowing to live in a state of competition – I am in-fact judging and effectively removing equality from this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order for a system of equality to emerge – I must stand of an example of equality – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and motivate myself to let go of inequality that exists within me in the form of competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect competition, through accepting and allowing myself to justify competition, and fear letting go of competition – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and experience anxiety – that if I decide to let go of competition – that I will loose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing and ending up in the lower parts of the hierarchy’s of the world – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these hierarchy’s only exist because I accept and allow them to exist – I accept and allow them as valid and as real – and I consider them to be of substance – while the reality of the situation is that these hierarchy’s are in-fact not real – they are but illusions created from within and as the human mind in the belief that there exist such a thing as inequality and that some are simply better than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto competition through thinking and believing that if I compete and I win – that I am then better than another – and that I have evolved – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have in-fact not evolved at all – I have merely judged another as less than me and gone into a experience of superiority – yet the fact remain that I have on a individual level not changed a bit – I am just the same – and the only thing that have changed is how I experience myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am obviously not able to discern and understand what is real change, and real superiority through creating experiences within me and believing that these experiences show me what is real – because fact is the only what is physical – and only that which I am able to cross-reference as real – is in-fact real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not loose anything in letting go of competition – and that the illusion that I have convinced myself to be real is that I apparently gain something from competition – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that just because I have a positive experience of superiority within me – this doesn’t mean that I have gained anything – this doesn’t mean that I have expanded what so ever – this only means that I have a positive experience within me

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into competition, and into the career seeker character, wherein I plan my life, plan decisions and consider points in my reality from a starting point of competition, as wanting to prove myself as being better than others, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that competition and feeling like a winner are isn’t real – it’s a illusion and a experience of positivity – yet nothing that signifies real greatness – real superiority and real strength – as those are physical lived expressions and not feelings; as such I commit myself to stop competition in me – and instead will myself to live as an equal here in every moment of breath – and be satisfied and fulfilled within living myself as equality here – realizing that I can not be more and I can not be less than what I am here – as a human physical body

When and as I see that I am comparing myself with others, and within this competing, and I in that moment fear letting go of the competition, in fear that if I do – I will apparently loose, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that through letting go of competition I will loose nothing – because fact is that competition and the energies emerging from this point isn’t real to begin with – it’s in-fact but energies and have no physical substance what so ever; as such I commit myself to will myself to let go of competition – and to instead exist and walk here as an equal – and realize that I need nothing more but myself here as equal – and that all experience coming up within me as energy is illusion because it separates me from what is real as equality

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Day 86: The Worst Possible Outcome

I am continuing to work with fear in relation to money, work, and career.

blog_mistakeWhat I am able to see is that I through out my day will have these instances, the short statements occurring in my mind that are based in fear. For example: “I must get that done!” – or “I should work more with my studies” – or “I wonder if I’ll be able to get through this education with sufficient grades, maybe I should prepare myself if I am not able to do that?” – so these thoughts are a type of preparing for the future thought, preparing myself for the worst possible outcome, and the essence of them is fear of survival, fear of failure, and fear of the unknown.

What I also notice is that I have this undercurrent of a anxiety within me that is churning in my chest through my day; it’s subtle, and the energy is not very clearly defined, it’s more there all the time like a presence, a constant reminder that I must apparently watch out, be aware, and make sure that I make my utmost to survive – or else!

I realize that this particular fear has been with me most of my life and that it’s been the motivating force behind many of my decisions to learn certain skills, take particular projects, and excel within them – it’s been done in order for me to survive, or rather it’s be done as a way to handle my anxieties, and fears in relation to the future.

Obviously this problem can’t be solved through my trying to fight this fear of survival, and protect myself from it – I must find the origin point and remove it. My goal within all of this is to remove all of this survivalist fear from my life, so that I am able to simply walk in this system, in this world, without being constantly busy trying to protect myself from my the things I fear will happen. Many might think that this type of fear is natural, and that nothing can be done to change this experience; though this is not so – what must be understood is that everything we experience within ourselves is self-created – it didn’t just come from nowhere – it’s not just “human nature” – it’s really a self-developed system of limitation that is the cause for much of the separation we experience in our world today.

Because consider what is the outflow consequence of 7 billion human beings only caring for their own survival, and the survival of those closest to them – the result is a massive competition where we really create that which we fear, because we’re not able to trust, and support one another – instead each of us goes “our own way” in trying to survive, and get by in this world. Isn’t this the point from which war stems as well? The incessant desire to control resources, and protect one’s land, as the point from which food grows – all coming from the fear of survival – resulting in countries declaring war upon one another in order to protect, or expand the resources at their disposal, to as such secure their own personal survival.

Though, the simple point isn’t understood, that if we’d all stop only caring for ourselves, and our own personal survival, we’d be able to trust one another, support one another, and together make sure that all are cared for – and as such this fear of survival would be totally eradicated; because we’d all know that we’re cared for, that we have what we need, and that nobody can take this away from us.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry as a burden through out my life a constant anxiety, fear, and nervousness in relation to living, and existing here on this planet – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed and fully immersed within and as fear, and anxiety for my survival – wherein each and every breath that I take in this world will be taken within this fear, within a sort of adrenaline rush, wherein I am rushing within myself to try to protect myself from any and all apparent dangers that are out there constantly waiting their opportunity to attack me, and get me down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto, and create my life around the paranoia of survival, not realizing that survival isn’t worth when all I am doing with the time within which I am able to survive, is to fear for my survival, and is to fear that I won’t be able to make it through my day in one piece, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that the solution is not to fear, it’s not to try to protect myself this apparent bad, and nasty world, but it’s to let go of my need to control my future, to realize that death is unavoidable, and that I can’t live effectively if I constantly worry for my survival – but that I am only able to really live in-fact when I am clear, stable, here – without being split inside myself in constantly viewing my life through a worst case scenario in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be stuck within me in a churning of thoughts around my survival, around my future, and around what might happen in my life, and what might not happen, and as such and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this fear, and this anxiety doesn’t support me, and doesn’t give life in anyway, it really just serves to keep me stuck and looping inside my mind, wherein I am in-fact missing the real life, as what is here around me in every breath as my physical reality, the physical life that is here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and unconditionally let go of this anxiety and this fear and within this accept and allow myself to live – live meaning that I am able to be fully here and appreciate the moment here without any fear, or anxiety arising within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my relationship with this anxiety, exist in a obedient state of following, wherein I believe that this anxiety, and fear is a god, apparently able to predict the future, and look at things objectively and warn me about them – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that anxiety, and fear is simply a mind and mental program, and point deliberately installed into me to keep me separate from life, from living, and from being here, and walking here with and as my human physical body; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and to unconditionally let go of this anxiety and instead take the seat of being god within me – as me being the directive principle in each moment and as such that I don’t require anything else to be that god for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here when that fear arise within me, and within that see, realize, and understand that this anxiety, and fear serves no purpose within me, it holds no value within me, it’s just there as a weight that keeps me pre-occupied and lost in my mind, instead of being here living; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make the decision to let this point go unconditionally and completely, and to realize that only I have the power to do so – and that I can wait for an entire lifetime to get rid of fear, and to get rid of anxiety – because the point that decides is me and not anyone or anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I go into this anxiety, and fear, that I am getting more things done, that I am being more productive, that I am being more effective, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that minds hastiness, and fast paced movement as being productive, as being effective, not realizing that in this mode of being I am actually not producing, or creating anything what-so-ever – all that I am doing is that I am running around in my mind trying to protect myself from what I fear and I am not here in-fact living; thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push this point of accepting and allowing myself to be here – to live here – to remain here and to not exist within and as my mind; but to stick with and as the physical – and be a physical human being here and not hold unto any form of mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this anxiety and fear isn’t practical, it isn’t managing my life, it’s just there as a constant ghost urging me to move faster, to product more, to create more, and to be more, but it’s not doing, or giving me anything of substance; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor this fear, and anxiety, and to cultivate this fear and anxiety, not realizing that it’s not life – it’s in-fact a form of death, because it brings me further from the physical, further from life, further from what is real, and what is of actual importance and relevance; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take breath, and unconditionally let go of this fear, and to not anymore accept and allow my life to in anyway be controlled, directed, and dependent upon this fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all this anxiety does for me, is that I am running around in my mind, wherein I am trying to protect myself from, and save myself from situations, and events that haven’t yet occurred, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that the simple common sense within all of this is that I don’t need this in order to in-fact live – it holds no real practical value, and as such it’s useless really; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto uselessness instead of working with, walking with, and cultivating that which is in-fact useful – practical – and gives an actual result as a practical physical outflow that I am able to see, measure, and physically benefit from

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into a stress, and a fear, and anxiety towards the future, towards my survival, and that I won’t be able to effectively take care for myself, and protect myself in this world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment completely limiting and withholding myself into and as energy, into and as the mind, into and as a state of unawareness wherein life really is slipping away from me, because I am not cultivating, and honoring, and supporting myself as life here; as such I commit myself to unconditionally let this fear, anxiety, and worry go – and live here fully – within the slowness, and the calmness of life as the living pace of breath, not stressing, fearing, or moving myself in anxiety – but moving myself HERE

When and as I see that I am going into a fast paced movement that is driven and motivated by anxiety, and fear, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I realize that this fast paced movement of trying to get somewhere, won’t in actuality get me anywhere, it will just have me stand still and be completely stuck in a experience of fear, a experience of anxiety, as such I commit myself to slow down – to breath and be aware of my breath and let myself smell the roses and be here – and really appreciate the physical as it exists here with me in every moment of breath

I am here – It’s done

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Day 78: You Know I Am Right, Right?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with wanting to be right, and wanting to seem like I am right, and wanting to present myself as if I am right, in order to feel good about myself, and in order to be able to define, and see myself as special; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as a desire to stand out and to be remarkable in comparison with others, so that I am able to think about myself in my mind that I am remarkable, and that I am more than others

keep-calm-you-know-i-am-rightI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow myself to participate in discussions, and communication with others from within and as a starting point of wanting to win, and wanting to prove myself as being remarkable, and being more than others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I am walking, and participating from within and as a starting point of wanting to become more than, I am in-fact accepting and allowing myself to by implication say that I am less than others, and that I require and need another to affirm me that I am good enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as a desire, and a need to get approval from others, and to be noticed by others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, take myself back here, and realize that this search for approval is completely non-sensical – it’s completely stupid – because I am accepting and allowing myself to squander my moments of breath, and my moments of participation here, in being caught in this experience of wanting to become, instead of simply being, and living here, and realizing that I don’t have prove to anyone that I am here – because I am already here within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as the desire of wanting to be a star, and be noticed as a intelligent, and insightful, and as having the perfect perspective, the perfect knowledge, the perfect understanding – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine, and to think about, and fantasize about what others might think about me, and how others might see me, and how others might consider and define me; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself, and not accept and allow myself to be naturally comfortable with myself – and to be authentic within and as my expression, and direction because I want and desire to get something out of life that is more than me being here and living, and participating here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to become a super-achiever, and to be noticed by others as being a great achiever, as being more than, completely unbeatable, completely unstoppable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the cause of evolving myself, and becoming more than, and improving myself, so that I can feel superior, and better than others, instead of accepting and allowing myself to live HERE within and as breath, and to participate not from a starting point of evolving myself as energy, but instead develop my ability to interact, and live, and participate here without being possessed and controlled by and through thoughts, and feelings, and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to gain recognition as being insightful, knowledgeable, and intelligent; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise, and suppress myself as my natural movement, and my natural communication, and my natural discussion here, through wanting and desiring to be something to others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here – and within this see, realize, and understand that I do not require, and need to be approved, and to gain recognition – I mean: why do I even believe that I would gain some type of satisfaction with actually reaching a state of recognition? There is nothing saying that I would – as such I commit myself to instead find recognition in me learning to recognize what is real and what isn’t – what is physical practical actuality and what is simply irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself in establishing when and as I am participating in a discussion from within and as a energy of competition as wanting to prove myself, wherein I want and desire to make an impact in order to feel a particular way about myself, and in order to define myself as being more than others, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this particular way of being is something that I’ve created because I in-fact feel insecure, and afraid of being rejected, and disposed by others; as I commit myself to stop relying upon others to stabilize myself – but that instead stand up and walk stability unconditionally here within and as breath – through not accepting and allowing myself to give into emotions, and feelings, but that I instead walk here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I have discussions with another, wherein I am not clear, and I do not specifically know what I am doing, and why I am doing it, then this suggests that I am participating from within and as ego, as wanting to create an experience for myself – because common sense dictates that if I am not creating a practical solution, what is it then that I am looking to create? energy possibly? As such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and deliberately stop myself from communicating when I see that my starting point is energy and not working towards a solution that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in competition, in believing that my sense of worth is based upon whether others agree with me, or not, and that my self-direction, and self-application is based upon whether others agree with me, or not – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my time searching for others to recognize me, and agree with me, thinking, and believing that this will stabilize me, and that this will develop a certainty within me, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding it’s a completely illusory idea that I will be able to gain something from another; it’s just energy that I experience and it holds not actual substantial worth, and value, because energy will simply go away after a while and then I am here as I was before

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is so, because it feels so, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow feelings to be my guide in life – and to believe that when it feels right, then it must be right; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that obviously it doesn’t have to be that way – that when it feels right, then it must be right – simply because feelings are not aligned with practical physical reality – feelings just come up in a moment – how can I then trust them to actually guide me through life?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice walking as my own guide, and practice utilizing common sense when I make decisions, and practice utilizing mathematical assessments when I make decisions, and not just make decisions upon the basis that “I feel like it” – I mean – how can I trust such a point that “I feel like it” – it makes absolutely no sense at all; I mean this is how murderers, and pedophiles think – that apparently because I feel like it – it’s okay, and it’s the right thing to do – not seeing the obvious common sense that a feeling, or a emotion does not show me what is real – what is actual practical reality – it’s just a feeling, and it’s just emotion – and I give value and meaning to these points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and let go of competition, and wanting to be someone for another, and realize that in me letting go of this point, I will be able to interact with others in a much more free, and effortless manner, because I will not hold unto a point of self-interest that I am defending and wanting to bring through – I will instead be here, with and as my physical, and I am in the situation, but there is no desire, nothing I need to protect, but that I am instead able to speak, and communicate and direct the points towards a solution – and not being possessed with wanting things to go my way, and wanting my opinion to win, and wanting my idea to be recognized

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that being empty when communicating, and having no sides to protect, that is the only starting point from within which I’ll be able to be effective, and take into account what is here – and direct what is here towards a solution that is best for all; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice letting go of all desires to achieve as I communicate, and practice communicating HERE with no secret, and hidden agenda, but that I merely speak here – and share myself here – with nothing to hide, and nothing to defend

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and resist letting go of my secret agendas, in the belief that I will loose value, and be able to be “toyed with” when I let go of my secret world that I want to promote and get recognized with others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that my secret world is simply not relevant – because it’s not even real – because it’s only a mental experience and have no physical practical relevance – as such I commit myself to take a breath and work with what is real and what has real positive impact – which is the point of practical solutions

When and as I see that I go into ego, wanting to be recognized, acknowledged, and seen as I speak, and communicate – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment accepting and allowing myself to squander a moment of full living through being possessed within and as a one dimensional perspective as a energy of wanting to be recognized, instead of participating here without a desire – without a agenda – simply interacting, moving, and directing myself HERE and not wanting to achieve any form of particular outcome; as such I commit myself to interact, communicate, and be with others unconditionally here – and not have a secret agenda to further my interests when and as I am speaking, and sharing myself with others

When and as I see that I am going into and as a state of feeling that I must convince another to take on my perspective, and think like me, and that I need my opinion to win – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am in this moment suppressing, and limiting myself – placing myself in a one dimensional energy domain in my mind wherein I want to be something unto others instead of me living and participating HERE within and as breath – being effective – specific and disciplined here – and not having a mind experience that I feel I must shove unto others; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here and to walk and participate unconditionally – without a agenda – and to instead share myself here within and as breath as life as oneness and equality here

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Day 55: Learning From Others Instead of Competing

I will continue in looking at the point of wanting approval, and also the point of competition – because this point have been opening up recently, and have become more intense.

competition-in-businessThus – in looking at this point – I mean – what is the essence of this point? What is the real point that is the origin of the point of jealousy, competition, and desire for approval? I mean – it’s simple to see – it’s worthlessness – and it’s uselessness; because the main thing with competition is that I want to win and what does winning implies? It implies that I am something more, which also implies that I must already see myself as being something less – because why would I else have to fight to apparently become more?

Thus – what I am seeing is that I’ve created myself into this personality, and character that defines itself as being worthless, and useless – and because of that through competition seeks, and desires to become something more – I mean – this is obviously a completely ludicrous, and in-effective way to live – and what is even more fascinating is that – in living from this starting point of wanting to win, and wanting to gain approval – I mean not giving myself the attention, and focus that I require – which means that I am not even able to see, and correct the points in my daily living, and participation that are objectively seen – worthless – meaning – that they are simply not effective points.

So I mean – here I want to suggest that you read this blog by Anna Brix Thomsen about how to fake yourself through school with top grades – because this is precisely what I am talking about here. In essence Anna describes how she during her education focused herself upon winning the competition, and getting the best grades – the top marks – but in doing that she completely compromised her actual learning, and her actual education – because she was so focused upon what was going on outside of her, how others saw her, and what type of value, and status she was able retain in the system; I mean – so this is the point – when competition becomes my focus – then I loose that which should have been my focus all the time – which is ME – MYSELF and my relationship with myself.

I mean – the very reason why I am at this stage not a effective, wholesome, and completely stable human-being is because all of my life have been focused upon competition and looking at what others are doing – instead of actually looking at myself and asking myself: “okay, what is it that you’re doing here?” – such a point of self-introspection haven’t been with me through-out my life because my attention as been “out there” instead of HERE with me within and as each moment of breath.

This is also why it’s so important to understand that this process can only be walked for, and as self – and that it’s simply redundant, and a waste of time to imagine myself to be something more than what I am, or through wanting to be something more than what I am, because then I miss the real point of actual walking here – and I miss facing the real nature of myself – and instead I become a illusion running around trying to hide my real character – instead of simply recognizing my real and true character and then disciplining myself to work with this point, and correct this point – in realizing that I must begin somewhere, and that a thousand mile journey begins with a single step – but it’s important to actually walk that distance and not utilize the mind and imagine that I’ve walked it – when I haven’t.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to quell, and remove my experience of myself as being worthless through competition, and through attempting and trying to win – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I mean – why simply not remove worthlessness? Why simply not allow myself to be here with myself without fighting myself, without judging myself, and in-fact allowing myself to live and be here in this life without considering, and defining myself as being worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I require to compare myself with others, and compete with others to gain some sort of value, and a definition of myself that I am able to relate too – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am in-fact limiting myself, and holding myself back from in-fact living when my focus goes to relationships, and goes to what others are doing, or not doing – and who I am in relation to those – because then I do not focus upon myself and my relationship with myself becomes compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationship with myself through focusing upon comparison, and competition – thinking that I am enhancing my relationship to myself when I am apparently “winning” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am merely in-fact destroying my relationship with myself because all of my focus becomes to be something for others to be recognized and feel good about myself – instead of in-fact developing myself within oneness and equality as breath to be a effective, and assertive individual – that do not move by reaction – but that instead invest time to develop self, and to enhance self in real actual practical application as moving with and as the physical here in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give focus upon enhancing myself – and to change the point of competition – from competing to instead learning from others – appreciating that others are effective and that they are here to show me how I can develop that point of effectiveness in myself as well – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully embrace this point of appreciating that others are in-fact very good at what they do – and learn from them – I mean – why do I feel like I have to prove myself and win? It’s completely redundant – instead I accept and allow myself to learn, and expand myself – and further enhance my relationship with myself and this physical reality – to truly become a trustworthy, and stable individual in this world that is able to live in a way that is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning from others, and fear giving up competition – in fear that I will then loose, and that I will then recognize myself as being inferior – instead of allowing myself to drop this entire idea of more, and less – and realize that I am here in this world and that I exist of the same substance as everyone else – and that there is no actual real competition going on – I mean it’s not like there is a real and actual goal that I must kick a ball into because it all exists in my head – and thus I am in-fact fighting myself as others believing that if I let go of competition that I will loose instead of realizing that I can’t loose against myself – I mean that’s just delusional; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once and for all let go of the point of wanting to win, and wanting to have approval – and instead appreciate others, learn from others, and be humble – and understanding that I will not loose anything what-so-ever in applying this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that really there is no such point as winning – I mean winning is only a energetic experience and not a actual physical reality – thus it’s quite insane that I strive towards this point and compromise actual physical education, and learning from others – to get to this point of feeling positive in feeling that I’ve won – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH and bring myself back here to the physical as breath – and to accept and allow myself to walk out of my mind and into the physical – and learn to appreciate the effectiveness of others instead of competing with the effectiveness of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that competition only leads to division, and it leads to jealousy, and fighting, and it doesn’t lead to sharing, and mutual benefit – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to myself the understanding that I will not loose anything from letting go of competition – and that I will gain everything from letting go of competition – and that it’s only a decision that I must make too make a shift in my way of living – wherein I accept and allow myself to genuinely learn, and appreciate what others do that is effective – and if it’s practical – to apply it in my own life – as such expanding myself, and as such also the existence of all – because I am a part of all and not my own island so to speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to the physical – and understand that I can’t loose – because in essence competition isn’t real – it’s a made up concept that can only exist when I have an idea of myself as being something more than the physical here – otherwise I would simply be the physical expressing myself as the physical here – knowing that I can’t be more or less than the physical – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live, and fully embrace this understanding that competition can only exist when I am in my mind – and thus in every breath practice being fully here as my human physical body and as such stopping all highs, and lows – and instead living breath, by breath – here in every moment

Self-corrective statements

When I notice that I attempt and try to fix my experience of feeling worthless, through competing, and winning – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is not going to work – because winning is a polarity opposite of worthlessness – thus the solution is to STOP once and for all – and live HERE in oneness and equality; as such I commit myself to STOP and to instead LEARN from others – instead APPRECIATE others – and also – appreciate myself and stop fighting in understanding that I am sufficient and enough here as myself as the physical

When and as I see, and notice that I am focusing upon what others are doing, or not doing – and that I am competing with them to build up a idea of myself so that I am able to feel secure, and safe – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is simply self-abusive – and that it’s me not understanding the simplicity of living – which is to be HERE in every breath – and not needing and requiring more than simply being here with me – as such I commit myself to stop fighting myself, and others – and instead LEARN instead use others to EDUCATE myself – and to APPRECIATE others – and also within this APPRECIATE myself within oneness and equality

When and as I see that I am competing because I think that I am through competition apparently enhancing myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am not enhancing myself through competition – but merely loosing myself in my mind and missing to live here in reality in actual physical oneness and equality – thus missing the chance to be life here; as such I commit myself to realize that competition is never enhancement – as it’s always based upon a state and sense of inferiority – and that real enhancement is to live HERE and work with what is real – without a experience – without a self-definition – simply being here within oneness and equality – as breath – as what is best for all

When and as I see that another is effective in a point, and I go into competition – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within this limiting myself because here is a opportunity for me to learn, and to observe – and to within that enhance my relationship with myself – as such I commit myself to stop competing and to practice humbleness – to LEARN and EDUCATE myself – and understand that I won’t loose anything within doing that – I mean loosing is in itself a mind-fuck – because if I am here as the physical as breath – have I then ever, or can I even loose something? I mean – no – because I am here – and in the next breath – I am here

When and as I see that I fear learning, I fear appreciating others, and fear letting go of competition – because apparently then I will loose; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that loosing is a delusion, loosing is a mind-fuck – and that I can only loose because I “feel” that I am loosing – I mean but in physical reality I am always here – just the same as I was before I apparently lost – as such I commit myself to humble myself and to walk through this fear – and to in-fact learn from others – and educate myself through looking at, and observing the example that I see others are walking – and as such enhancing my relationship with myself so that I am to become even more effective in my day to day living

When and as I see that I am compromising my actual physical process of learning, and education through going into competition – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – competition only is real when I give it attention, and I decide to act according to it – but it won’t have power over me when I instead change competition to real physical education – as such I commit myself to stop feeling inferior to the effectiveness of others – and instead LEARN and EDUCATE myself through the examples of others that I see in my world – and within this I accept and allow myself to be grateful for the support, and assistance that I receive

When and as I see that I within me glorify competition as something that will enhance my existence – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in giving attention to, and glorifying competition, I am in-fact missing LIFE – I am missing mutual benefit, mutual giving, and mutual enjoyment – and I place instead fighting before togetherness – I mean that is simply insane; as such I commit myself to honor physical living as that is real togetherness as being here within and as the physical in oneness and equality; as such I commit myself to live – and to walk here as a fully physical being and not as a mind in anyway what so ever

When and as I see that I in-fact consider in my mind competition as being real, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that competition is not a real physical fact – it’s a imaginary creation that I’ve participated within without understanding the consequences of this mental creation – as such I commit myself to bring myself back HERE – and realize that HERE as the physical there is no fighting, there is no competition – there is simply me expressing myself here – and as such I commit myself to stop the mind-job of and as competition and comparison once and for all

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