Day 361: Organic Growth

There is a time for planning AND there is a time for organic movement. That is my insight for this week.

The way I tend to approach at least some parts of my life, is with exactitude in planning, preparation and execution. Everything should be considered and thought-out beforehand. And the underlying idea is that when everything is preemptively directed – that will bring the best results. However – I have found that this is not necessarily the case. On example of this is nature, specifically, trees.

If you look at how a tree grows, it is in the moment. The branches and roots will stretch out in search for optimum nutrition. That movement might be genetically planned in the design of the seed. However the actual growth of the tree happens organically. When the tree is young, there might be a water shortage. Hence the tree will focus its energy on growing its roots deeper into the ground to reach water. This shapes the tree, making it shorter and with less foliage than what would have been the case if it had instead focused all its energy on growing its branches towards the optimum position for receiving sunlight. Though, if it would have followed such a stiff and inflexible plan, the tree would have most likely died. Because it was able to improvise and grow organically according to its environment – it survived.

Then, many years later, the water shortage comes to an end. The tree now wants to focus on expanding its branches and foliage. Unfortunately for the tree, it has two big tree neighbors that blocks most of the sunlight coming directly from above. Instead of trying to outgrow its neighbors, the tree then grows its branches in such a way where it seeps up the small portions of light that moves past the foliage of its neighbors. The movement is yet again organic – in equilibrium and alignment with the trees environment.

The growth of a tree is flexible, organic, sensitive, receptive and balanced. It grows with common sense – moves on the opportunities that arise and redesigns its direction according to its environment. And as a whole, a tree looks magnificent – perfectly positioned and aligned with the rest of its neighbors.

Compare this organic growth with how us humans tend to move. Most of us decide upon a goal – a dream we want to realize for ourselves. It could be striving to achieve a certain income, enter a profession or become admitted to a education. Regardless, we tend to hold unto our goals stiffly and stubbornly – and when things does not move our way – instead of bending – we break. Because that is the problem with a person that has a stiff mind – he breaks when enough pressure is applied, while a flexible, soft and organic person is able to move around the obstacle. The tree did not stubbornly hold unto a goal of wanting to grow its foliage when there was a water shortage – it moved WITH its environment and was thus able to survive.

Hence – I have this week seen this pattern within me. One example of this is how I have had the tendency to structure/dream projects in my mind. Last summer I dreamed of creating a small carpentry studio in one of the unheated houses on our property. I arranged it and planned installing electricity and heating after a while. However, I did not have the funding or the time to install electricity and heating. This week I realized that there is actually a room on the property that already have heat and electricity installed, that I could have utilized instead all along. I had not however and the reason for this is because I got stuck in a ‘box’ like way of thinking. Where I only saw my initial goal – instead of expanding my thinking and instead of looking at the pictures – looking at the general process/movement that I want to facilitate. The room that is available, it cannot be aligned to fit my dreams of how my carpentry studio should look like – though it facilitates my interest in carpentry more effectively – because it gives me access to heat and electricity so that I am able to work even though it is dark outside. If I had moved myself organically, from moment to moment, I would have taken notice of this room and set up my shop there.

With this blog I want to emphasize the importance of MOMENT to MOMENT living. I want to emphasize that it is not the image/picture that is important – it is the process/movement. If we have an interest in photography – it is not the camera that is important – it is that process/movement of engaging in our interest. Hence if we cannot afford the camera we want, then instead of getting stuck, thinking we cannot advance ourselves within our interest, it is to instead find ways to facilitate and move with what we have at our disposal – to be creative and not break. There is always a lot more that can be done than what we think. The difficult part, that is to break free from our stiff and inflexible goal-driven mind – to instead see the opportunities that are here.


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Day 460: Then, Now, and What’s to Come

I have been listening to two newly released interviews on Eqafe which I found to be very supportive:

Then, Now, and What’s to Come – Reptilians – Part 585
Then, Now, and What’s to Come: Consequence and Creation – Reptilians – Part 586

One of the solutions suggested in the interviews, when facing difficult and challenging experiences, is to, when the challenge opens up, to immediately ask: What can I learn from this, how can I substantiate my being from this, what word can I apply and live here? And then, answering those questions in the moment, and pushing oneself to live the answers. The focus hence being on real time living and real time change.

For myself, I have practiced real time living for many years. It is difficult. One of these difficulties is to break through justifications. Because seeing that real time change is possible, which opens up in a moment, is usually accompanied by a justification of some sort, as to why it is not possible to live that solution immediately. An example would be that I have a moment of conflict with my partner regarding who is to do the dishes. During the conflict I am able to see that a solution would be to slow down, and instead of approaching it subjectively, to look at what can be done to prevent this conflict in the future, and hence suggest that we establish a schedule as to who is to be responsible for the dishes. Then, the justifications will come through as follows: ‘Why should I be the responsible one? She would not listen anyway, there is no meaning. It will not help establishing a schedule, we will not follow it anyway’.

A justification has the following definition in the dictionary ‘the action of showing something to be right or reasonable’. I recognize a justification by its argumentative style – its a reason that apparently make sense as to why I should not apply/live the solution I have identified. The best way I have found to not give into the justification in those moments is to simply not give it any room within me, but immediately act on the solution that I have seen. When I act immediately, there is no time or space to construct and follow a justification. Hence, immediacy is a effective tool to counter justifications – and this is something I will continue to practice – so that I can master the skill of moving pushing myself when challenges open up to EXPAND and LEARN.

Another point mentioned in the interviews is that what will now start coming through more and more is our own voice of reason and our ability to see and recognize what is best for us. However, the challenge that we will still face is to pull this reason through into reality. An example might be that we see for ourselves that it would be supportive if start working out regularly or that we start writing a dairy on a recurring basis. I see, for myself, that learning how to act on and will that voice of common sense into life will be a key skill to develop in order to make my creation process more effective. It is definitely something that I am going to pursue in the coming year.

Thus, what am I able to learn, what points do I see that I want to create after having listened to these interviews?

What I see as a priority for me is to create within me is to take on the challenge of the points that I find to be really difficult – and instead of reacting and going into a state of victimization – to push myself to ask what I am able to learn, how am I able to expand, and how I am able to move forward with this point? To not accept and allow myself to give up and believe that it is impossible for me to change what I am facing only because it is difficult. To not accept and allow any justification to hold me back, but to make the decision, to look at and live the solution.

I also want to manifest/bring into my life, my voice of reason. Here, I do see that there are a couple of interests that I have desired/considered taking on that I have let slide. I will also push myself to pursue those interests, because I know that they have something to offer – there is something for me to learn within them. Thus, instead of waiting for my interests to come to me, I will start actively engaging in all of the interests/projects that caught my eye.

To summarize – what I will focus on is Creation and Movement instead of waiting, hoping, and giving up – I want to bring INTO reality.


 

Day 459: Removing Comparison and Competition = Making Place for LIFE

Comparison and competition. Two characteristics that have been given unwarranted value and attention as a way to find fuel/drive to push and execute projects. Its a general idea that we become spurred when the competition increase and that we grow and evolve through comparing ourselves with others. The reality is that comparison and competition are distractions – experiences that hinder us from accessing our own unique and individual drive/decision to do/move/act. I have personally never been able to engage myself using fear of loss, which is the primary emotional force that drives people to excel in competitions. For me, I have needed calm and a unconditional stability – when my environment has been set up in this way – I have been able to create/produce the best.

Looking deeper into comparison and competition it makes sense that these two energies does not support growth. Comparison and competition places the focus OUTSIDE of ourselves. We have to focus on what someone else is doing, focus on our position, or the way we express ourselves, relative to someone else – hence – a split-personality is created. It is thus inevitable that we cannot place our complete and unwavering attention ONLY on what is here before us. That will cause us to express a lesser version of ourselves. Furthermore, when our focus is on making sure that we win, it is very easy to compromise and forget our own individual expression. Because, it might be that ‘winning’ requires us to give up on what we enjoy about that particular activity, and thus, we sacrifice our soul to make sure that we win.

Instead, the best kind of drive that can be found/established is to define and harness our own personal enjoyment/expansion/relationship with the particular activity/project we are participating within.

For example, with me while I was still studying, my main reason, that I kept within me and held unto, as I pushed through resistances, was that I enjoyed discovering and expanding myself and my understanding of society/the world system. For me it was not about having the ‘best marks’ – what was important was the process, the movement, the unfolding process that I was walking. And because of my starting point, I was not discouraged when I experienced set backs or when I faced challenges. My priority as LEARNING and EXPANDING – and because I approached my studies this way – I was able to receive the best marks – even though that was not the goal in itself.

While self-motivated movement supports expansion and growth – comparison and competition supports a harsh and ruthless inner world where only results matter, and where the results are measured against the results of others. The process, the physical movements in themselves, are not given any value. The consequence of this is that we start to loose touch with ourselves, our core so to speak. This might also be why so many have difficulties to retain their original joy and pleasure in a professional skill that was initially nurtured in the form of a hobby. Because in the professional world, the world of money, what is forced upon the participants is a result-oriented and competitive mindset. And to survive in the money world, it is required to focus on the results – however – that does not mean that we have to accept and allow everything about ourselves to be taken over by the efficiency-mindset – and neither does it mean that we have to fuel ourselves using energies coming from comparison and competition.

Though I would not completely disregard comparison and competition. Because comparison can be changed into INSPIRATION. Where we, instead of trying to measure ourselves relative to another, we look at what we enjoy, like, see is good about another, and we take that skill/ability/approach and integrate it into our own life. Allowing ourselves to become inspired adds more colors to our self-creation pallet. Each one of us have our own unique strengths, and if we allow ourselves to be open and recognize those in others, we can through practice and imitation start adding them to our own.

As for competition, this can be changed into self-competition – where we continuously push ourselves to move our boundaries as to what we think we are capable of forward. Otherwise, it is easy to stagnate. When we are ‘pretty’ good at something, it feels nice to relax and let go for a moment. Though, if we want to really expand our relationship with a certain skill/project we cannot stop there – and we have to move beyond the plateaus, and those are inevitable. If we constantly compete with ourselves, that is a concrete way to avoid undue self-satisfaction – and instead keep moving towards achieving our best and highest potential.

To summarize: Comparison and competition are both destructive patterns – however they can be transformed into supportive and self-nurturing habits. It takes a bit of self-will and application – though through consistent movement and through utilizing the tools of self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and writing – it is most definitely possible.

Also – be sure to check out these Eqafe interviews on the topic:

Learn more about this way of living and looking at things here.


Day 458: Learning How To Act Without Motivation

During my years at the university I met countless of people that explained to me that they were not able to start a project well in advance, because they needed ‘pressure’ to move themselves. Consequentially, they ended up doing a spurt, writing their essay 48 hours before it was due. Oftentimes the result was that their assignment was compromised in some way.

I used to be the same. I had the tendency of waiting, waiting, waiting, and then, when anxiety and fear struck in, I began to move myself. However, I realized that this caused undue stress on my body and that my results were not satisfactory. Furthermore, it caused an unbalance in my life. I moved from not doing anything productive, to trying to squeeze in 20 productive hours in one day. It is obvious that such a contrast cannot be healthy. I understood that routines and a sensible balance would assist and support me to remain calm and stable – and to not go into highs or lows.

Thus, I decided to change my way of dealing with assignments/projects/deadlines. Instead of waiting to the point where stress and anxiety arose – I decided to MOVE myself. I realized that I did not need motivation. In-fact, motivation is a very limited concept – at least when it is defined as a energy that comes up from within and that allows us to move. Because if that is the case, we will always be slaves to the movement – instead of being our own masters – where we decide to move ourselves because it is the BEST thing for us to do.

In physical reality, motivation is not required. Physical reality works within the principles of physics. And in physics the laws of physics abide. One of these laws is that movement in the physical happens when we move physically – meaning – that in order for us to move a ball – we have to in someway exert physical energy unto that ball. The key here is PHYSICAL ENERGY. It is impossible to move that ball utilizing thoughts, it is impossible to move it utilizing feelings or emotions – WE MUST exert PHYSICAL force. And – exerting physical energy is NOT dependent on us feeling motivated to do so.

My assertion can be proven easily. Simply move your hand in-front of your face and shape it into a fist. Now ask yourself, were you able to do that because you felt motivated? No – you simply DID IT. And that is the secret – the REAL secret. Physical movement requires no feeling or emotional backup. Our physical bodies are in direct connection with our PRESENCE – our DIRECTION – our SOUL for a lack of a better word. When we decide to move – we move – unless of course – we are hindered by a ailment of some sort.

The reason you can shape your fist without motivation, yet feel unable to move yourself when it comes to other more extensive and complex movements/projects is because the latter requires a steady, consistent and deliberate exertion of physical energy. Most of us are not able to do that without training. The skill I am talking about here is SELF-DISCIPLINE.

For me, self-discipline means, ‘doing things even though you do not feel like it because you see that it is what is best’. And is not this the big problem everyone is dealing with? We do not feel like it, and we do not have the discipline to simply do it – and instead we depend on feeble and untrustworthy experiences such as motivation – to help us get shit done. That is not a sustainable way to live.

Self-discipline is a skill that can be developed. Yet it takes practice and it takes pushing and breaking through the invisible walls we have created for ourselves. That process can be difficult, depending on how much you believe in the idea that you need to be motivated to move. Though, it is possible to re-create ourselves in this regard – I have done it – it took a couple of years – however today – I can move myself for extended periods of time without the slightest inspiration or motivation to do so. Instead I move, because I decide to do move.

 


Learn more about this way of living and looking at things here.

 

Day 457: Work Is Pretty Fun

Something I really feared and resisted, especially in my teens and early twenties, was to get a regular full time job. I saw it as a form of death – and I did not want to become anything like my parents. I perceived both of them as working too much, and as having lost that playful and youthful expression that could recognize in my peers and myself. Back then, I thought the problem was work.

I found various ways to avoid becoming part of the work force – until – I realized that this was a limitation I had created for myself. Once I understood that it was not work that was the problem, and that rather it was WHO I AM in relation to work, my entire perspective changed. I decided to pursue a university degree and from then on I have been committed to learning a trade and acquiring the necessary skills to become effective within it.

Fact is that work now offers one of my primary sources of learning and expansion in life. Obviously, this does not happen automatically. If I just go to work, and sit there, wait for the time pass, then I will be awarded with very few moments of expansion. However, if I make sure that I make work an equal part of my life, where I push myself to learn, expand, and move, then that is what I will receive in equal measure. Expansion does not happen by itself – it must be directed – it requires discipline and effort. Oftentimes there is a wall of resistance that must be broken down. And when I move beyond the resistance, there is a new world opening up.

It is this new world that I have come to enjoy so much in my work. Because it is not necessarily about the work in itself – it can be about the skills I develop that are indirectly related to my work. At the moment, I have been pushed to develop intimacy, empathy and social skills – and not directly in relation to the work I am doing – but rather as something that exist on the side and as a consequence of my primary work responsibilities. That is not something I would have been confronted with had I not been working.

I sometimes hear people complaining about their work and how they do not want to be there but rather be at home living and fulfilling their private interests. This is a limited way of looking at work. The solution is to make sure that regardless of where we are at, that we find ways to discover and empower ourselves. There are opportunities everywhere, however, in order to see them, we have to be OPEN and RECEPTIVE – and in order to ACT on them – we have to be DISCIPLINED and READY. To be able to master this approach we cannot accept and allow ourselves to remain in a state of whining and complaining. We have to be on our toes and READY to embrace whatever might come our way.

Today, I enjoy going to work most of the days in the week. The days where I do not. I see those days as my challenges. They challenge me to go beyond that emotion of resistance, and to make something out of myself and my day, even if I do not feel like it. Because if it is one thing that I have understood, it is that I can never wait for my mind to give me the get go. My emotions and feelings will never be ready. No, I have to make the decision – PHYSICALLY – through acting in the physical – through changing myself with actual acts in matter. Thus, instead of remaining in that state of depression and tiredness – I protrude my chest, I straighten my back, I push my shoulders backwards, breathe deeply, and start to look at what I can do to make the most of where I am – and I PROMISE – there are ALWAYS ways to move beyond the obvious.

Concluding: Work – a challenge and a gift to be lived and experienced fully – and today it is a opportunity that I am grateful to have in my life.

I have used the Desteni tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to manifest this change for myself. And through this process, what seemed to be dry and meaningless, has become a well of inspiration for me. For anyone that wants to know what is possible to be created – I suggest that you investigate Desteni.

 


Day 456: The Righteous-Character

Yesterday after work I decided to order some take-out food for supper. I called the restaurant and told them that I did not want to have any onion on one of the dishes. About ten minutes later I drove to the restaurant to pick up my food, at which point I noticed that the chef had misunderstood me. He had not used onion in any of the dishes I had ordered.

It upset me when I became aware of this. I asked the chef whether he could re-do the dish and put onion in it. The chef did not want to do that because it would get messy. This frustrated me even further. At this point I saw before me two options. On the one hand, I could insist on having onion, or I could simply take the dishes as they were and walk out of there. I felt as if there were two of me, there was one rational version; I could see that the flavor and experience of the dish was not dependent on onion and that I would save a lot of time if I accepted the mistake and walked out of there. The other me, was the irrational and angry me; this me wanted redress – ‘I want to receive what I have ordered, I paid for this! Then I should get what I paid for!’

I stood there and felt the irritation and frustration within me – then I made the decision to drop the point. To take the dish as it were and get out of there – get home and eat my dish and enjoy it. This was the rational and common sense thing to do – and I am satisfied with the decision that I made. Though, I can still see that I became influenced by the emotions, to get into me and had an effect on me – and hence I want to look at the emotions and the character.

If I am to give this character a name, I would say it is the righteous-character. It is the experience of me being completely right because someone else has not done their job properly – and hence – I have a right to become angry – pissed of and irritated. I have a right to curse at them and to start a conflict. When I look at it, I can see that this logic is very much a like how parents treat their children, and it might be from this relationship that I have acquired this pattern. Because parents tend to become angry at their kids when they do something ‘wrong’ – and in such instances – most parents do not consider it wrong or consequential to be angry – rather it is ‘needed’ to set the child straight.

This righteous-character activates especially when it comes to money, and people not doing their job the way I expect them to. Because when I have paid for a service, I make the false conclusion that I now ‘own’ the person supplying the service – and hence I can act and behave in any manner and way I like if my expectations are not fulfilled – because I have ‘bought’ that right. However, in looking beyond money, which is an abstraction, it becomes evident that my actions, and the righteous-character, have just the same consequences and negative outflows as accepting and allowing myself to become angry and frustrated at someone in my personal life. The righteous-character is really not a character/way of living that brings through what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I have the right to be mean, angry and frustrated when I buy a service and I do not get what I expect that I should get – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/think that only because I paid for something – this means that all bets are off and I have full freedom to do what I want to do and say what I want to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that access to money makes me more important and better than others – and that purchasing a service means that I own the person that gives this service

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money over myself as a person – and to believe that money gives me value – and thus when money is at stake, when there is a question about money, then I have the right, freedom to do what it takes to control/direct my money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that what is of importance and relevance is who I am as a person – the value that I am able to give/live and be to others – and thus not the amount of money I own and have access to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is money that gives me importance and value in this life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is only a medium, a means used to transact goods and services, and that it does not determine me as a person, and that buying a service, does not mean that I have the right to do whatever it is that I want to do

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming angry and frustrated, reacting, because I have not received what I feel that I paid for, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that only because money is part of the game, it does not give me a carte blanche to do whatever I want to do – and to express myself in anyway I see fit – and I realize that accepting and allowing myself behave in a way that is harmful towards others – is equally as consequential when there is a issue about money, as when it does not have to do about money – and thus I commit myself to breathe and stabilize myself here – and then work to resolve the issue/problem that is ahead of me utilizing common sense and a stable and sensible presence/direction – where I find solutions to the problem and use common sense to get there


Day 455: Warmth

We are approaching the Christmas festivities and for me, the introductory events have already begun. The way Christmas is celebrated in my country of Sweden, is usually by eating a lot of food and drinking alcoholic beverages of different kinds, and then by giving gifts.

I do see Christmas at the moment as an event of gluttony and misplaced joy. However, I also see that there is a potential for Christmas, and these Holidays to become something supportive and worthwhile. The two holidays approaching at the moment is Christmas and New Years eve – and thus – I find this a good opportunity for me to redefine and look at how I am able to utilize these holidays to support myself and others to become the best we can be.

Lets look at Christmas first. For me the thought of Christmas brings up warmth and a sense of belonging and appreciation. The warmth has to do with family, and how everyone gets to together to share each-others company. This is from where the experience of belonging also comes from. I usually feel like I belong in relation to my family – something that is strengthened with the gifts that are given. Appreciation, that is something I relate to the gifts. We show we appreciate the presence by presents.

Hence, warmth, belonging and appreciation. At the moment, these are words that come up within me as feelings, and mostly during public holidays such as Christmas. However, this begs the question, why have I not pushed myself to live these words practically in my day-to-day life – thus creating each-day to become a Christmas in itself. I will begin with looking at warmth.

How I have lived the word warmth thus far

I do not consider myself to be a warm person, at least if by being warm is meant being heartfelt, open and embracing. Those are words I have difficulty expressing. My tendency to be cold, however, is also one of my greatest strengths. I am calculating and precise – though it at times robs me of my ability to create deep, intimate and meaningful relationships with others. In-fact, it is something that I have been afraid of doing – due to the fear of being rejected. As such, within me, there is a constant cynicism – a experience of mistrust – a apprehension and expectation of soon being stabbed in my back. This makes it difficult for me to be warm – because I fear – that by being warm – I am going to open myself up to attacks.

Dictionary definition

1 a : having or giving out heat to a moderate or adequate degree

warm weather

a warm fire

b : serving to maintain or preserve heat especially to a satisfactory degree

a warm sweater

c : feeling or causing sensations of heat brought about by strenuous exertion
2 : comfortably established : secure
3 a : marked by strong feeling : ardent

b : marked by excitement, disagreement, or anger

the argument grew warm

4 : marked by or readily showing affection, gratitude, cordiality, or sympathy

a warm welcome

warm regards

5 : emphasizing or exploiting sexual imagery or incidents
6 : accompanied or marked by extreme danger or duress

7 : newly made : fresh

a warm scent

8 : having the color or tone of something that imparts heat; specifically : of a hue in the range yellow through orange to red

9 : near to a goal, object, or solution sought

not there yet but getting warm

Sounding the word

War-me
Warn
Ware-me
Wear-Me
With-Me
Aware-of-Me

Creative writing

Warmth, it is something that I can push myself to live in my daily life – by practicing empathy and genuine care for others. To when someone shares themselves, to listen to their words, and for that moment, stand in their shoes – to really hear what they are saying – so that I am able to respond with warmth. I have experienced, especially people that work as nurses, to have this ability to be genuinely warm with their patients. What I have experienced inside of me when meetings people with this ability is that when they touch and speak, they really mean it, they are HERE and not in a hurry to get somewhere else. And when they touch, I have felt embraced, seen and cared for. It is like they are able to see they value in me, recognize it, and support it. And that is how I see that I would like to live warmth as well.

Being warm is to be inviting and embracing. Like a warm bath. I love those, I jump into it, and I feel relaxed, I can take a deep breathe and relax – be myself completely – with not worry in the world. And that physical experience of warmth is something that I can use when I live this word for myself. Especially when it comes to myself, I can practice living warmth by relaxing, taking a deep breath, and allowing myself to completely disengage and flow, be invite myself in just as I am, without any conditions.

The sound that I connect with the most is ‘Wear-Me’ or ‘Aware-of-Me’. This signifies that being warm is a recognition of someone of myself.

New definition

Embracing and unconditionally opening myself up to and receiving myself or another without fears